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MarvinX
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magicianatx
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FOOTMASTER101
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For true insight, research INFJ. Once you do that, the rest will make sense.
I take my time to get to know someone. I am open for the most part and stand fast to my beliefs and principles. I take the time needed to make important decisions and won't be pushed. I have to be comfortable with someone and this can really take a while... I have been called sassy - head-strong and opinionated is more accurate - but I just don't want people to equate submissiveness with stupidity. I am educated and try to improve myself continuously.
As many of my friends have picked up on, I do have a dominant streak and I am not sure if it will go any further than managing day to day responsibilities. However, I am vocal and will express when I am hurt, disappointed, confused, curious, etc. Everything is a learning process. Although I am relatively inexperienced, I am not a total novice; and I like light bondage, I look forward to sharing and exploring more with the right person. I do know the type of person that I am looking for and will fairly quickly know if it is you. I do not play casually. So a 'quick meeting and 'play' just to see how we click' won't happen.
I am interested in a friendship that could possibly lead to a long-term relationship and all that includes. However, again, this will take time and I am very cautious. I am a strong woman - a single mom with my own goals and dreams. I believe that an honest relationship requires and deserves time. Silent treatment does not work on me - except to get me to leave; and it brings out the head-strong dominant traits described above. Once utilized, the trust is broken and I will never fully trust you at that capacity again. If you are interested, communication is a must; and when you stop talking, so do I... except I will be polite when I say 'so long' and 'be well'.
--------- begin ideal person ---------------
My ideal person:
On a basic level - I am looking for a straight person who is looking for his one and only. If you are poly, please don't waste your time. I want someone who believes in communication and will accept me for who I am (in all roles) because I am not perfect. just as I will accept him for who he is - in all roles. When I meet someone, I see you for who you are at that moment - not what you could 'potentially' be to me and I respectfully ask for the same. I am an individual and don't expect to be compared to someone else. I understand that experiences make us who we are today and that certain things may trigger memories (good and bad) - just talk to me and I will do the same in return. I always listen, give and seek consideration.
On a basic d/s level - I don't need or desire a micro-manager or someone looking to increase the size of their 'harem'. I am looking for someone who is fairly experienced, but also willing to grow with me. I seek to be loved and protected by someone who sees me as an extension of himself and would behave and guide me with that in mind. Someone I can trust who sees this as more than just 'kink', or a way to get laid, as a way to be abusive, or to compensate for childhood issues, etc. They definitely see this as a way to deepen and strengthen the foundation of the relationship, and feel comfortable in the knowledge that we as a couple (potentially husband/wife as well as Dominant/submissive) can explore without fear of rejection.
I am not bi or bi-curious in any way shape or form. If you want/desire this aspect within your own relationship, then don't contact me. I am not interested in being a part of poly household in any capacity (Alpha or beta). I am not a masochist. I am submissive, not a slave - I will not follow blindly; and being 'uncollared', I will stand up for myself accordingly. I have personal goals, opinions and views... talk to me, I am open to the discussion of many things and topics; but don't try to convince me that that I am into something that I know for a fact that I am not.
I love and respond well to sensuality, laughter, honesty, sincerity, communication, patience, and ultimately unconditional love. I don't respond well to cruelty, resentment, hidden thoughts, feelings and desires, lies, or covert manipulation. would I prefer that you are 'soft on the eyes', have hair, and a fairly fit body? honestly - yes, but i'm flexible... lol, again, I am not perfect.
**warning: any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - you do not have permission to use any aspect of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. if you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. **
it is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one.
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A dream deferred – is that what we encounter as we browse through various profiles? The 'sticky sweet' or 'festering sore'…. Those who will tell you everything you want to hear or those who are so bitter that you physically pull away to avoid contact with someone that you most likely will never meet. Which one are you, when you think of your dreams deferred? Do you sag under the heavy load or feel dry after years of sun? “Fulfill my dreams” that is what is written over and over and over again…. each looking for fulfillment of that dream that is being deferred.
I read this poem by Langston Hughes when I was in high school. It has a different meaning when you are young… I think at the time we passed it off as someone who never acted on what they wanted in life – for whatever reason. Rereading it now, I see it as a warning – not necessarily by someone who never acted on their dreams but by someone who watched their life pass by while waiting… waiting for someone else to give approval, to act, to…. fulfill…. A bottomless cup of demands trying to fulfill someone else’s dreams – wondering if they will fulfill our own…. until we explode – physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
Do not wait. Do not forget that your dreams gave you life and purpose to act, to move ahead without fear and with a zest for everything that life has to offer. At one time we stepped out on faith that anything was possible. Do not wake up one day only to discover that you are the ‘raisin’ or ‘rotten meat’ – past your prime - changing you and making you bitter, jealous, and full of envy… blind to what you have… or had. A single step… a personal dream… do not defer. |
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I this was both accurate and inaccurate at the same time. I found it to be worthy of an interesting discussion:
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"Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option" |
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"... if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
~ Marilyn Monroe |
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Interesting conversations this week - indepth discussions about the communication differences between men and women. I stated something that has been on my mind ever since because I believe it is the true 'fault line' behind the break of most D/s relationships. We tend to fall for each other based on what we see as their potential - not as who they are now. When we meet and begin communicating, I think we mentally see what the potential future could be.... we picture our 'ideal' Dom/Master and sub/slave; and we get frustrated when the 'true' person contradicts that 'ideal'.
I have read so many profiles from Doms that pretty much say that they won't change for anyone - don't even try; and you know what, there is nothing wrong that. However, that same curtesy is not extended.... hence the frustration and ultimate demise of a relationship. Every relationship has give and take on both sides.... every successful relationship. It isn't Topping from the bottom, manipulating, bending, or whatever negative connotation such adaptation is labelled. It is growing, adjusting so that both parties get what they NEED out of the relationship and ultimately settling into that seemingly effortless relationship that so many envy. I have not seen one relationship that has reached that level that has not taken YEARS to groom and nuture.
It all starts with acceptance and trust, then evloves from there. |
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Honesty is respecting someone enough to let them deal with the truth. |
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"The stronger the woman, the deeper her surrender" --- can you handle ALL that would include? |
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Reposted with permission:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside a person. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside all of us. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." |
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Repost - Thank you SirPhantom:
Trust
____
Trust not that your partner will never make a mistake or never hurt you.
Trust instead in their commitment to you, that they will do their best *not* to hurt you,
and that if and when hurt occurs they will do their best to help you heal.
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Hmmmm - over the weekend I promised a friend I would attend her 'birthday spank'. A fun and teasing moment; however, it opened the door to an unexpected opportunity. I was asked to Top... I hesitated but was encouraged by a few friends to give it a try. It was a public setting and the sub's Mistress was allowing the interaction - so I said to myself.. "why not?".
I was amazed at how calm I was. I was focused and at one point I realized that I was slightly detached. Not so much so that things got out of hand or that I was not aware of the condition of the sub. I have always been aware that at times I can be very analytical and that was the frame of mind I was in at the time. It gave me a different perception - being on the 'other side of the whip' - as the saying goes and I can say that I can truly appreciate that aspect.
At the same time, I can see how that kind of 'power' can become intoxicating. There is a sense of romanticism one the side of the submissive... well, at least from a few that I have become friends with - including myself; that was not the case during that time. I was amazed at the feelings of empowerment.
Being in control of someone's sexuality isn't the same type of empowerment as you may experience everyday at office, parenting, etc.... I have no idea if I will pursue this aspect. Although I enjoyed the experience; what I most thoroughly appreciate was/is the perspective. Hmmm - I have much to think about. |
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I was given permission to repost this - thank you DD65.
I loved this, made me laugh
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. |
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Repost - Merry Christmas
Twas the kinky night before Christmas
MasterBKM
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and God it was neat
The kids were both gone,
and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted,
and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky,
by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
That was some brothel, he said with a smile,
The reindeer are pooped,and I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den,
Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone,
and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples,
a penis extension,
And several other things that
I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
The best thing about sex is that it never wears out! |
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Someone this evening was kind enough to inform me that some jackass had the audacity to claim me as his sub. Even going so far as to post my picture on his profile/website saying that I am his "bitch" and "toy". At this point and time, I belong to NO ONE. More likely than not - I have never even talked to this 'wanna be' who had to develop his own domain in order to 'claim' what is not his.
Kind of reminds you of those little kids that would sit on the sidewalk and scream "that's my car!" When it is all said and done - still just a little boy on the sidewalk screaming for something you don't have. |
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OMG this was funny:
New Mexico Chili Cook-Off
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
For those of you who have lived in New Mexico , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL.
Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.'
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report. |
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Today I spoke with a wonderful young lady who got me to remind myself that it is ok to hope... To risk the pain of heartbreak and disappointment for that cherished moment of laughter and love. Whether as a friend or someone more profound... it is ok to open your heart. Thank you M. |
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I will update my profile when I am ready to move forward. Again, friends only. |
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:-( .... disbelief and anger have replaced hope..... there is nothing else to say. |
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I just love the message boards - grin, they always make me think. I found this lovely little post that is so 'profound' in its humorous simplicity. It was posted by DomM&SubK - thank you for sharing.
The D/s Cheat Sheet
The Rules: There aren't any.
How to be a submissive: Submit
How to be a dominant: Be a leader.
How to Choose a Dominant or submissive: The same way you would choose anyone to share your life. Carefully.
The difference between a submissive and a slave: Whatever you want it to be. You're going to believe what you want to anyway. (see The Rules)
How to get your submissive to submit: If you have to ask, consider this is not for you or you've chosen the wrong person for you.
Physical pain and D/s: No, you don't have to. No, it doesn't make you less submissive/dominant.
Submission is a gift: Keep in mind we've all gotten crap gifts over the years. Gifts we've thrown away or exchanged. Like beauty, submission is in the eye of the beholder.
The mindset that submissives should be cowed to 'or else', is absurd. "Do what I want or I won't submit"? Get over yourself.
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Hmmm, I was asked a question recently - what do I believe a submissive craves? What follows is my opinion only.
Above all, honesty and that we truly matter to the person we choose to be with. That no matter how 'bratty' at times we may be, that person who steps up and say that they are able to lead and guide us - to have that 'authority' over us - won't leave. I have noticed (as I am sure many of you have) that many many submissives have 'walls' built up to protect themselves... in this lifestyle, the reason those walls are there is because the person they give themselves to have in some way turned their back on them - rejected them - and more often than not, at a time when the submissive is the most vulnerable... after a spat or revelation.
Hmmmm. Not saying that we (submissives) aren't without fault but if a lot of subs are anything like me, we will tell you up front about ourselves and what works and what doesn't. For instance - I'm head-strong, opinionated, don't handle isolation (silent treatment) well. Yet, at the first 'spat' that is the first thing that many Doms do - isolate/ silent treatment - so the self preservation walls come up and the relationship - as fragile as it is, is damaged, if not ruined.
So I guess the ultimate thing a submissive craves - is that the Dom who they commit to will actually be there - no matter what... Even if they have to say 'give me a day or two so that we can deal with this in a calm manner' in order to keep from saying things neither of you mean, people with my personality can handle that but isolation from anger.... no way.
Again, I guess it all boils down to communication or lack thereof. Hmmmm, it is late and I may be rambling again but it makes sense at the moment.
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Hmmm - I received this e-mail recently and wanted to share. How many feel this way - that if someone wants your love that they are not Dominant or submissive? Decide for yourselves and your own personal relationships.... I have posted my response and made my choice.
E-mail: I find it odd that so many women come here claiming to be submissives and slaves and then want to tell the Dom what to do. Why would anyone come to a site that is for the most part sex oriented and want non-sexual
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Because sex is not the end all and be all of any real relationship. I have spoken with Doms and subs alike who in the early years surround themselves with the sexuality only to wake up one day and feel empty... looking at the person beside them, or at their feet, and realize that they are not the one that they are looking for - that they want more.
I have been lucky enough to be with two Doms who viewed the lifestyle as more than just sexual orientation but as a way to push pass the limitations of both strictly vanilla and bdsm relationships. They taught me that vanilla without kink can leave you just as hollow as all kink without the emotional attachment of vanilla. Unfortunately, men and women don't understand each other very well as they try to communicate their various needs.... when a woman wants to love a man and have 'everything', men usually see that as 'they are trying to contol me or tell me what to do'. A woman who tries to conform to what a man wants while ignoring her own desires and needs usually discovers that she is no more significant to him than a towel or a discarded pair of underware (if he wears them).
Why is it that when a woman says.... I want you to love me and share your life with me... why do men - Doms even - automatically translate that to mean she isn't submissive and she wants to tell me what to do? Instead of berating and denouncing the woman as not being a submissive, the 'Dom' should simply say - You aren't the one for me. I want someone I can walk away from without any hard feelings. | |
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Hmmmm - there is no such thing as 'instant submission'. Any relationship worth your trust and heart, is worth the time it takes to earn both. If people aren't willing to do that, then all involved will be disappointed with the limited time wasted in trying to ignore reality. |
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Hmmmmm, I was thinking today about: Choices without consequences...
Whenever I am asked, - "Do you like to be told what to do?" "Do you want your Dom to make all of the decisions, control every aspect of your life?" The answer to those questions are 'no' and at the same time 'yes'. Believe it or not, it is not a contradiction.
I was involved with a Dom whom I adore to this day. His methods were so subtle that if you were to ask me at the time if I was in a D/s relationship, I would have said 'no'. He ordered my meals, although I picked what I wanted and told him what I would like. I ate healthier, because I knew he was health conscious. He quickly learned my preferences; and except for the meal itself, would order without my having to ask. Although he did not pick my clothing, I always dressed with the idea of pleasing him in mind. He always preferred that I looked like a lady.. although he knew what I was like behind closed doors - that was for 'his eyes only'.
I was still independent within my submission and therefore it was easier to transition to his authority... LOL, even without realizing it. He never demanded - if anything, he was very accommodating... asking, making sure that I was taken care of because he quickly realized that I gave more freely when I had choices - choices without consequences. There wasn't a punishment if I wanted wine instead of water or wore pants instead of a skirt. Soft smile - sometimes it was a game, I freely admit that, but it was never outright 'displeasure'.
I have noticed that Doms quickly realize that a sub is much harder on herself than he could ever be. Yet, too many manipulate that quality - setting a sub up (for lack of a better term) failure. Giving her psuedo-choices knowing that no matter which one was picked, the result would be the same. I was lucky.... I realize everyday, as I read profile after profile on this site, just how lucky I was.
As I have interacted with some at the basic discussion level on this site, I have noticed that so many want to 'take away'. Like a thief.... a bully.... a con... prove your submission by becoming nothing. LOL - wasn't it my 'substance' that piqued your interest to say hello in the first place? Hmmmm, if a sub is a reflection of her Dom... and she in a sense become 'nothing' because she has given her all to him... then isn't he nothing?
A sub will almost always make a decision that she hopes will please her Dom. A sub making decisions, having choices, and in a sense being 'catered' to is not a challenge to a Dom's authority.... In fact, it is just the opposite - at least with me. The more 'independence' I had.. whether by necessity and/or choice... the more authority he had over me.
Sigh.... just thinking |
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Even though I believed that I have answered this question in my profile, I still get asked quite often - what do I seek?
When the time is right, I seek someone with a strong guiding hand, one that can help me stay focused in my goals, anchored by my service to him. I seek someone who is well experienced in the psychological mental aspects of D/s. Master, teacher, lover, guardian, best friend and more; I seek all of these in the one whom I will not just serve but also love. Someone who knows how to explain without condescension and belittlement; how to laugh at their own imperfections; how to guide in such a way that I am inspired to his bidding. I believe and attest to the belief that there is a vast difference from forcing someone to their knees, rather than inspiring it.
Devotion, loyalty, adoration... I seek someone worthy of mine. |
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I read this in another sub's profile..... sometimes you just have to acknowledge when someone can say it better. Thank you 'SC'.
When we search, I believe, we settle and I have settled far to much in my life. But just when you think there is no one for you.. there he is. It's not whips and chains and toys.. it's heart and mind. He teaches patience, acceptance, caring in ways you never thought possible. It's teasing you and laughter. You tell your deepest secrets, not thinking twice, and you tell without embarassment or feeling ashamed. It's his hand on your back as he holds a door for you; and although it may be the best sex you've ever had.. it's the snuggling after as you fall asleep. He teaches you in his actions what D/s really means and not what you've thought it was and perhaps what you were searching for.. He's the boss without thinking about it.. like breathing.. it's life. |
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(laughing) I have talked to quite a few people and I have noticed that the first thing one Dom does is tear down the actions - or perceived inactions - of the time spent with a previous Dom. If you come across a sub/slave that catches your attention, part of who she is - her character - is based upon that experience with that previous Dom. That particular since of self that has allowed her to come this far and say I am ready for more. Unless the Dom/me was the one who abused the sub/slave - without consent - you should be thanking that Dom/me for breaking through those walls, for getting the sub/slave to acknowledge who they are and what they seek, for getting them to the point where they say - I am ready for more, I am ready for you. |
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Thank you all for the kind and open e-mails but I am not seeking a Dominate/ Master/ Top, etc. at this time. I will update my profile when the circumstances and situation changes. Be well and good luck in your respective searches. |
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Hmmmm - life vs BDSM.... reality vs the romanticized ideal. LOL – at what point does a sub loose the right to feel good about herself, her dominate, and her experiences? When is being a gentle Dominate/ Master or wanting one a reason to be scorned by others? What does a Master honestly seek from a submissive? I have been told her devotion, love, loyalty, sincerity, her willingness to do anything and everything for their Dominate/Master. So many questions and so many different answers.
My entire life of 36 years, I have been taught and personally experienced that to obtain that level of emotion/ devotion you have to be willing to give the same in return. Yet so many seem to believe that they can obtain a genuine out pouring of those emotions and actions when it is induced by fear, pain, and cruelty and wonder why their relationships fail. Why their sub or their slave didn’t measure up to their expectations. Hmmm – why indeed. ‘Why on earth would you seek to leave me when all I talk about is beating you and call you names? I know you said that you are not into humiliation but I think you need it – even though you are honest and tell me otherwise. Even though I don’t see myself becoming a permanent part of your life, I want you to turn your life over to me and I make all of the decisions for you. I don’t want to break your spirit but I want everyone to observe and be envious that you react and bend to my will out of fear of the consequences and not because you love me. You should love/ desire me and sit on pins and needles waiting for my call and beg me to be your ‘Master’. Why don’t you seem happy to hear from me?’ Hmmm – why indeed.
'Sub frenzy', 'novice frenzy' – yes I have experienced that - when everything in your being wants you to sit/ kneel at someone’s feet, to be subservient to that natural strength that you can sense within a Dominate, and to be utilized according to your true nature (please note that I did not say ‘used’ like a sub/slave is a piece of tissue); and I believe that I have been lucky in that those that I have encountered during those times have not been ‘damaging’. So I can review the above interactions and see them for what they are. It doesn’t take a psych major to recognize the signs of someone being groomed for an abusive relationship.
A dear friend has the following in his profile - Any woman bright enough to be worth dealing with is going to have her own areas of expertise, family issues, financial matters, etc. Being capable of handling these and then choosing to defer to the chosen Dominate personally just makes her and her choice to submit to him more special. Besides, every decision she makes large or small will reveal more of her… and made her more precious to him. He had a 30 year relationship with his chosen sub vs a ‘Master’ who has had multiple short-term relationships. I know whose advice I would seek and respect more. What is so wrong with wanting to be precious for the long-term because of who you are now and will continue to be because you change and adapt out of love – and maybe a little discipline from time to time (wink)?
My goodness why do people ‘bristle’ and ridicule at the idea of finding love within the realm of BDSM? But then, love isn’t really what they are seeking – is it? Just the short-term ideal. |
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'MasterPdoc9' - to make such a rude comment and then not be man enough to accept a reply. YOU will be lucky to actually find someone. Grow the hell up and get a life and leave others alone to live theirs. |
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It has been a week now since I have been back in the States; and yet, except for the language, it feels just as foreign to me as being in Italy. Although I knew it in my heart, it is different to see the US and Americans from a European slant..... we are spoiled and arrogant. Yet the behavior is not malicious, just based in ignorance.
So many people have told me how lucky I was to be able to go to Europe.. to spend so much time there and be exposed to the food, culture, art, history, etc. My question to them is, why don't you go? I then get the usual responses - money, time, yada yada yada, or even worse yet - what the media portrays to the masses. Excuses... to mask their fear of the unknown.... of possible failure, but at what? Actually being able to enjoy yourself and the new experiences?
A person is the sum of their experiences and their willingness to venture outside of their 'comfort' zones. Do I feel superior to those that have not taken the opportunity to leave the country? Heavens no. However, I do wonder about people who never venture outside of the town of their birth.... the state of their birth...... who never took the opportunity to drive 20 minutes to see the ocean or 40 minutes to see the mountains. I can't swim but I am not afraid to get into the pool.
No, I don't feel superior.... only sadness that so many allow themselves to feel regret.... For them having to look at themselves in the mirror at the end of the day, week, month, or year... sitting back and saying - "I wish..." or "I should have..." or "why didn't I..."
Are you willing to move out of what you know - have known all your life - and drive 20 minutes to see the ocean? |
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I woke up this morning and the air was crisp and clean from the evening's rain. There is a covering of snow on the top of mountains - contrasting beautifully with the various shades of green of growth. The birds are singing, traffic has yet to pick-up, and I am sipping a cup of mint tea. Thinking back, I realize that I have just over two weeks left here and if every morning was as beautiful as this one I would be loath to leave.... Recent events have once again caused me to reflect - soft smile.
No matter, this particular morning/ moment in time was significant because it symbolized that no matter how bad, painful, or dirty things may seem the night before a new day starts clean and fresh - a new beginning. No matter what happens in the past, somewhere the air will be crisp, the birds will sing, and I will be able to sip mint tea before traffic picks up. Letting it go...... |
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Hmmm - for those that have read and commented on my journal, thank you for taking the time. However, I have noticed that 'bits and pieces' of my journal have appeared in personal profiles and is being presented as their own without giving credit to me or to the original authors or at least acknowledging the fact that they did not 'personally' create it.
Although 'lifting' like 'imitation' can be a form of flattery, credit is usually given to the creator or the source. To do otherwise lacks character and integrity; and in the opinion of many, is considered to be a form of stealing.... (look up the definition of plagiarism the next time you happen to be in close proximity of a dictionary). If you have done this - and you know who you are - I am not saying get rid of it... just give credit. |
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I asked a friend once, what do you think a woman wants - actually as a man in general, what do you think a woman, in general, wants? I got the answer that women want someone to take care of them, povide for them financially, sexually, etc... Basically, women were viewed as a responsibility and I began to wonder, is this really where the communication break down begins between the sexes? Is it so surprising to hard to come to grips with the notion/fact that a woman wants someone to talk to, share, laugh, and work with...
Being here and reading the message boards and profiles, I have come to believe that women primarily look for a 'partner' (soft smile, in some cases 'partners'), and men reach a point where they are ready to accept responsibility. The couples that I have talked to - the happy couples, BDSM included - all stated that first they were friends; and in many cases, had known each other for years before transitioning into a sexually and ultimately BDSM relationship.
Do women want to be protected? I would be lying if I said no, but no more so than we seek to protect and nurture the ones that we love. I don't think anyone wants to be considered as a burden to someone that they care about; and if anything, try to find ways to solve stressful problems. However, I don't think I would want to enter into or remain in a relationship where I - as a woman and submissive - was first considered to be (albeit perhaps subconsciously) a 'responsibility'.
I'm tired (grin) at the time that I wrote this it made sense.... when I wake up, I may discover that it should ultimately be deleted. If you have looked at my profile and read the journals, thank you for taking the time. |
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Ahhh - I wish I could take the credit:
The One
There are so many types of Masters and Dominants.
On one end of the scale, there is the type that believes none of it is about the submissive – it is all about Him.
She learns, modifies and serves, while he teaches, directs, corrects and trains.
And on the other end, there is the type of Master/Dominant that is:-
One that delves into who the submissive is.
One who probes, listens, and learns exactly:
what make her the way she is – her past experiences as well as her present ones.
what makes her ‘tick’
what turns her on
what thoughts does she have – about sex, submission, serving, men, women.
what drives her
what she feels
what hurts her and has hurt her
what does she love, need, desire, fear
what is important to her
All of it He learns, not to criticize or find fault with…
He learns for Their benefit.
He takes this knowledge and uses it, to positively effect their relationship
Actually modifies His own behavior accordingly(( To a point !! ))
To best utilize her hopes, dreams, fears, desires, needs, and loves in a way that
enhances their relationship,
empowers Himself,
and truly enslaves.
He can get in her head like no other
He can read her like no other
He can lead her like no other
He can touch her like no other
In all ways - mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, sensually, spiritually…
This type, can Dominate her mind, body, heart and spirit almost effortlessly.
And thus makes her submission, surrender, service effortless.
As with this knowledge,
He can become her MASTER – in all ways.
He can become her Dominant – in all ways.
He can enslave her - in all ways.
This type of Dominant/Master is simply.....
One who Knows. |
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Although I classify myself as a submissive, unless I have accepted you into my life - rt, I am not YOUR submissive. Please don't interpret a polite conversation as an 'open door' to ask me for risque photos - you will find me 'distant' and our conversations will end soon there after.
I won't be guilted or bullied either. If that becomes a focal point, that will lead me to believe where your 'true' interests lies and I will continue my search for someone with more 'substance'. Good luck with yours. |
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Hmmm, I have received e-mails from 'people' that have thought the fact that my profile exists is offensive - particularly when it comes to my location.
To those of you who fall into this category, it is not your place or responsibility to tell me to go someplace else. If it does offend you, block it (without sending me an e-mail first) and move on... but don't waste your time to send me an e-mail, just to let me know you are displeased. I don't care. I am not going to change it - unless I feel it needs changing - and I am sure as hell not going to leave, unless I choose to. As this is a free site, you have no more authority to tell me to do otherwise than I do over you.
However, if you feel so inclined to send an e-mail first, then be a MAN - not necessarily a so called Dominate - and allow me to respond in kind. Lack of integrity and an unwillingness to face the consequence of your actions is an undesired trait in ANY individual.
Think of this (collarme) as a library - you walk by the books that do not appeal to you inorder to reach the one that you are looking for; however, you don't go to the librarian (or author of the books) and tell them to remove the other books (or stop writing) just because you don't like the genre or the content. Grow up people and live and let live.
On another note - someone actually took the time to ask me about the wording 'under consideration' - in which case I was polite and explained it to them. They thought it was a smart move and made the comment that we are ALL under consideration as we search through profiles and as others search through ours. I love intelligent people.... especially those that incorporate common sense with integrity and respect. |
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Wow - today I just happened to be crusing through profiles and saw this one in a Dom's profile. It came across as so simple that I had to wonder, why would anyone even question it or think otherwise? However, many - Doms and subs - do. If you take the time to read this journal entry - please pay attention to this profile. Maybe it will speak to you and the sub you are looking for.... I have reposted it as I read it.
What I believe:
I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am Master. I am your Master only after I earn your trust and I embrace your submissiveness. I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts. We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other and make each other complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine.
We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs. You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust. Because I have opened my heart and soul to you.
Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life: you have given me dominance over you. What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman could give a man. You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift. I recognize it is your body and soul, your heart and mind. I dominate you only because you have allowed it. I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other women, and all the treasures of the earth. What you give freely can not in reality be bought.
What I am Looking For:
You are a submissive woman. You find pleasure, joy & fulfillment from being submissive in a loving relationship. You are not weak or stupid. You are a strong woman, with firm views & a clear concept of what You want. You do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride & strength. You look to your loving Master for guidance & protection...for never are you more complete then when he is with you. You know that he will protect your body, your mind & your soul with his strength & wisdom.
He is everything to you, as you are everything to him. His touch awakens you & his thoughts free you. Only in serving him do you find complete freedom & joy. His punishments are harsh, but you accept them thankfully...knowing that he has your best interests always foremost in his mind. If he desires your body for pleasure, you shall joyfully give it to him, & take pleasure yourself from knowing that...you have brought him happiness. However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship.
The love, the trust & sharing, the words spoken & felt....those are all parts of this relationship. Your body is his, & if he says you are beautiful, then you are. No matter what you look like to others...You are beautiful in his eyes, & because of that you hold your head high...for who can tell you that your Master is wrong in seeing the beauty in you? If he says you are his princess, then you are that...regal & graceful, & if you see laughter at me in the eyes of others, you do not recognize it, for who are they to call your Master wrong?
If he says you are his toy, his slave, then you are that...As wanton & dirty as he wants you to be, & if other do not see this, then it is they who are blind, not your Master. Your mind is his, to expand, to explore, to know as only he can. You have no secrets from him..for secrets are a thing that would keep you from being more perfectly his. Secrets would put a wall up between your Master and yourself...& you do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones you would seek on your own...but they are lessons he has decided you need, & so you learn from him. Your soul is his, as bare to his touch as ever your skin could be...when you kneel naked at this feet. Never a moment goes by when you do not feel his presence, be he miles away or standing over you. If you were to ever displease him, his displeasure would be a blow to your soul, worse punishment then any lashes could be. The anguish of your soul that you feel when you disappoint him is harder to bear then the physical anguish you feel when his belt caresses you with fire.
You spend your days knowing that the energy & thought he puts into your relationship is as much for your benefit as for his, & look forward to each lovingly crafted scene you do together. His part may be harder than yours...You know this & are grateful that he cares enough about you to spend his time & energy so freely on you.
In some ways, you have the easier job: to feel, to experience, to let yourself go & abandon everything to him. You are his pleasure & his responsibility, & he takes both seriously. You are a submissive woman. You are proud to call yourself that. Your submission is a gift that you do not give lightly, & can only be given to one who can appreciate that gift & return it tenfold. Only to he who has that strength will you give yourself fully because you are strong & proud. You are a submissive woman. |
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Something very important that people (both friends and potentials) should know.... the silent treatment doesn't work on me. In fact, that is the quickest way to get me to leave. I view it as rejection and automatically start building walls. I don't stick around when I am not wanted.
I find it to be a contradiction to have someone say that they want openess and honesty and then shut down as soon as someone says or does something they don't agree with. If you are upset, tell me. Just like people say that they can't read mind's, I can't read yours either.
If you can't talk to or respond to me, then you don't want me. In reference to the journal entry from 3 Feb - silence is golden... I guess my assessment was correct, and I lost a friend I never really had. |
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I read this in a post and thought - ahhhhh a kindered spirit.... (sigh) I am not the only one.... Thanks GG
Whatever happened to getting to know someone that you are romantically interested in?
Surely I'm not the only person who remembers this phenomenon: Boy Meets Girl, Boy and Girl get to know each other, Boy and Girl become friends, Boy and Girl develop romantic interest in each other, Boy and Girl began dating, Boy and Girl become physically intimate, etc.
Is it to much to ask for this kind of thing if you're a submissive? My profile clearlys states that I am looking for a relationship to grow slowly. So why is it that when I am contacted , the first thing a propective dominant wants to know is details of my sexual/Lifestyle preferences? (or approached with derogatory language?)
Am I being unreasonable to consider it rude to ask a stranger the details of their sex life?
I am looking for a dominant to be my best friend and Life partner. I feel that if he is looking for the same thing, he will make some effort to get to know me as a human being and befriend me before asking me the details of my Lifestyle preferences. I get offended when strangers start asking me what my hard limits are, what sex acts I enjoy, etc. I feel those conversations should wait until I have gotten to know a person a little better.
Furthermore, when a dominant begans asking those things right off the bat, I get the impression he is only looking for a sex partner and not something serious. If a man contacts me off this site, he shouldn't have to ask any BDSM oriented questions right off the bat. My profile addresses the basics of whether or not I'm poly, what I'm looking for, how long I've been in the Lifestyle, if I'm willing to relocate, etc. Why not make an attempt to find out about ME before asking about my submissive tendencies?
Instead of asking me what my kinks are, why not ask me about my family, my pets, my career, my religious beliefs, my political leanings etc? In other words, take an interest in me as a human being. (I can't trust you if you are not my friend - if I do not feel that you truly care. If I can't trust you, how do you expect to be 'my' Dominate?)
You wouldn't introduce yourself to someone at the grocery store and say "Hi I'm David, how are you? Do you like pony play?" Yet men consider it appropriate to introduce themselves in such a way (or worse) online. Whatever happened to common manners? Does being in the lifestyle exempt you from that? (Many claim to want a submissive lady with class, yet they do not exhibit it themselves.)
Am I crazy for wanting a relationship to develop traditionally? I prefer to get to know someone online, proceed to phone conversations, meet for a short date to see if there's any chemistry, and if things go well from there, go on a few more dates before proceeding to anything intimate or relating to BDSM. I don't trust just anyone...I need to get to know the person before I'm even going to consider them as someone I want to dominate me. Does no one else feel this way anymore? I'm starting to think I'm the only one.
No GG.... Definitely not the only one.... I am definitely willing to wait. |
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Hmmm, today I have cause to wonder about someone that I had grown to care about and felt that I could trust. However, I wonder if I am truly getting to know who this person really is. Considering this site, if a person is not open about the basics, I have reason to question the 'foundation' of our friendship. Subsequently, if that doubt remains unresolved, it will taint anything that was in the process of developing from it. I find myself wondering if I am being intentionally mislead (not a new method by people with less than honorable intentions) and so I am becoming more guarded as a result. I can feel the protective 'emotional walls' being built and I regret that... that sense of loss. Because I had truly come to value this person's opinion and points of view, I hope that this doubt is quickly resolved. If this issue is resolved, I must also be prepared to admit when I am wrong and be able to forgive and well as ask for forgiveness.... that is also an aspect of true friendship.
Not necessarily talking about this specific incident, what I find is even more disheartening is that I am starting to get use to the potential disappointments. So use to it in fact that it is to the point that I start to look for the hidden problems.... I start to wonder if I am being too hard - too quick to put up the walls of self preservation. I find myself not so willing to take people at their word. Trust and integrity is such a fragile thing. No one should ever play with that.
I highly recommend that people pay attention to my profile before contacting me - it says exactly what I am looking for; and it will save everyone a lot of wasted time. I don't ask for anything from anyone at this point other than honesty. If you can't or don't want to step up to the plate - then don't step up. No hard feelings. In the meantime - Mean what you say, say what you mean or leave me the hell alone. |
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| Age: 43 |
| Nashville, tn,
Tennessee |
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