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Dear god this site is hilarious sometimes.

Been back online not longer than the daily show, and I remember why I joined collarme...for the lols...

People...BDSM is not a shopping list. It is not something you order to your front door on a whim.

It also is not something you go into blindly. You don't casually go out and take a dominant or a submissive. Doesn't work that way. Stop asking. 

Long time no see collarme!

So heres the news:
Been working on multiple things with TSX, been having fun while doing it. Sorry if I haven't gotten back to you folks, just been spread thin.

Stay kinky, Stay sane, Stay happy =)
Yes, men and women have distinctions between them. No I do not believe that due to one distinction or an other, that it makes your gender superior. In my experience, most people suck either way, regardless of their gender or sex. Do not come to me expecting to care about your beliefs. I'm indifferent to them, and it's going to stay that way unless your willing to exchange philosophies and discuss the vast differences in the perceptions that form the basis for our beliefs. 

I'm where your missing socks go!!!!
I'm filled with hugs!!!!!
Heres the news!

The sclc is having it's bbq event at the whittier narrows recreational center in south el monte.

So, we have some fantastic events at TSX comming up. The first is our party at passive arts, on the 4th saturday of this month. the theme is Perverse Prom Night. So wear something perverse and ruffly.

Next theres our party the wednesday after that, at threshold. There will be a collaring ceremony and the theme is a island luau!

more to come!

Dont forget, we need volunteers at carnal carnival!
Some people are just SO full of shit...
So I recently had a nude modeling client that was referred by a friend. So I trusted this would be a client with respect and a healthy amount of knowledge about BDSM and therefore thought it would be safe to break my rule about house calls. I couldn't have been more wrong. The session itself was harmless, other than his constant attempts to sleep with me. Apparently this fellow was under the impression I was some type of prostitute or escort.  The real problem was after the session, to which he nearly didn't pay for. (Threats from someone who tortures people for jollies are effective.) And for a week after, decided to harass me to find him people willing to sleep with his grody ass. That iss right ladies and gentlemen, on top of all this, he still thought he was going to continue business.Classy right? The gull of some people!

Anyways, long story short I told him to stick it sideways up his ass, and I will NEVER book without a long interview again. Friends recommendation or not.

Sometimes I am reminded of how lovely life can be. I just Collared a lovely blond, who is as brilliant as she is sublimely beautiful, and my girlfriend/lifepartner's life is finally comming together. Now if we can figure the Russian's shit out well have a box set of dirty kinky freaks who have better sex than most wank off in their dreams about.

For more information on the team sex experiment and it's associated events go here:

There you'll find news on events,  and info on our new club opening in march on the 4th : GARDEN OF HEATHENS. At threshold.

March's theme is a Hentai play party, filled with sexy lil school girls getting spanked, gorgeous guys bound and some assorted creatures (do i foresee a tentacle monster costume?)  We'll also have vendors selling top of the line equipment, artists doing characters by request, and some great stage events.

 Come out with your favorite toys and a hentai inspired costume and show Wednesday it's your bitch.   
Ashley Maddison is freaken everywhere!

god forbid married couples should communicate and reach a functional resolution...

God dammit people...
YO COLLARME DESIGNERS! Make a intersexed option for sex designation for us who are such, so people will shut up about my name tag color being "misleading"...uggh.

sometimes i hate the overal modern concept of gender, or rather lack there of.

*punches a midget in the face (it was concentual) .

ok, I want everyone to look at their photos in earnest and ask i look like a dumb ass...
Is it indicative of a personality disorder to see someones face and want to lacerate it?

i think not. It's like a mental hug...ya...hug...
So, heres the news with me. I'm working as a pro switch at passive arts now, under the name Switch Satyr. I have my own page cumming soon on their site, along with a few other new hires.

I have my own private page that i've been using (inquire via email here on collarme if you want the web page or want to chat) where you can message me and book sessions or private lessons.

4 years from here on out. seems like the past 8 years have kicked all our asses. the overall populous sitting in melodic mediocrity and and blinding apathy, defeatists abroad and ignorance being not only encouraged, but rewarded...I think we all said something tonight: that enough is enough. Good on us. IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!

what the hell took so long?

i've been so frustrated/ criminally insane by our overall acceptance of the way things went since 2000...especially since 2001. I will never forget how most of the people around me just sat there and accepted it, and discouraged or even actively fought any attempt otherwise. But tonight that changed.

what now?

Now we act on it, don't sit on ur ass expecting Obama to do it for you. He'll do his part it do yours, and behave like a god damn self sustaining life form you emotional cripples... Own your shit and own your lives, and take the responsibility on your own self. Because I for one am sick of it being acceptable to be passive or indifferent about your own lives and the lives around you, both in principle and reality.

years from now i'll look back in disgust at the social virus that swept this country, and i'll remeber how i felt tonight, as we united as a country, not to elect a man, but to reclaim our honor, our worth, our minds...i'll remember how we took the fist dose of the cure.

Here's to four years my darlings. four years of holding a man to his words and not placing them in his mouth. four years of supporting the meaning, the country, and the reality of the United States of America. The world looks to us, because were worth looking at. So fucking act like it. Your an American.

heres to four years of saying that with pride and not delusions of righteousness! cheers!!!!!


so, i'm looking into getting a web page started for myself to attract more clients. if you have the ability to contribute and help me with that in anyway, i'd heart u forevers!!!!

so, first pro session in PA went very well, and i have to say the playspace of PA is just...lovely, theres a reason i'm always there saturday=)

yes i'm availible for pro work, simply write me to find out how you would be able to book me for a session
so i'm here in san francisco, and while i'm having a fabulous time, i miss everyone and my overall life in LA. So much to do, so little time. Be back soon. *hugs and love to all and more so to specific people...u know who u are.
Last week, after much chatting and hard work, astra and i got back together.  Not as a D/s situation like it was, but as a life partner thing.

So thanks to everyone who was supportive to both of us through our rough times. You are good people. *hugs.
our first munch will be at sat 18th at 7 pm at the dennys by passive arts  
on el segundo just a few blocks off the 405 freeway  
this is sort of an ice breaker for our newer members.  there is a  
passive arts party starting at 9 pm around the corner so most of us  
will be dressed for the club scene.  
contact this account, or lgmastra, lovearts, jerrypohl, ladyhenrietta... for details, directions, etc.  
Doing a presentation for LADS with Lady Henrietta on Sunday. go to the lads web page to find out more.

The subject you ask? Switches and switching, the facts and realities.
Be there darlings.
please...stop...ruining ....the English language.....

or as you'd say: yo, yalls steps inz my sounds bitchzes.

for fun and humor is one thing...typos as well... perfection isn't a must, but DAMN people.
ok, i have to make something very clear, because this has been an issue with male subs. I'm a busy person, and throwing a fit just because i don't drop what i'm doing and give you my full attention is just unacceptable. What in your minds makes you think thats ok? The lifestyle is NOT an excuse to act like a child, and i'm not always at my computer, nor is it always working smoothly, but i always persue things in due time, and i'm not going to do so in one day, so don't expect it.

Grow the hell up!
Man, crazy week, spent it mostly with Miss Allix and having fun, then the crazyness that is folsom came and wipped me out. Now i'm back in LA, and looking to find that perfect sub to make life a lil sweeter
So most of you will notice i switched my profile to trans. The reason for this is my sort of inbetweeness of the sexes. its not a big, but its more accurate to me. so simply read my profile to make any sense of things.
Team Sex is recruiting! check out the collarme profile at teamsexexp here on CM.

  we all benefit from humility your orientation has no bearing over that.

but theres something to be said about confidence in balance to ones humble nature.
so, i had the wonderful privledge of demoing with Midori at the pleasure chest. she is waaaay cool! Me and a neato friend of mine basically were zapping eachother for giggles while Midori played orchestrator. fun stuff. Then there was her voice seminar. Interesting stuff.

I'm on vaction, in SF, so message me if ur going to folsom or want to hang out. u know who u are.
Currently looking for female play partners, i'm open to male ones, but they've been supremely flaky thus far. Be intelligent, together, and open minded. Things could evolve into more than just a play/mentor situation, but it's not contingent.

any orientation is fine, whether your dominant, submissive, or a switch, but i'm at a lack for really good subs lately, so they are a bit more desirable atm, but it doesn't matter overall.

I'm looking for a lot of things and am attracted to all types, so don't be shy. Just be honest, sincere and looking to explore things openly...i know i know...i want a unicorn....god help me.
New photos approved. Enjoy =)
There is nothing worse than hearing someone you care about is in the hospital, and that you can't go see them and make sure they are ok.

its the most relieving /up lifting thing, when you hear from that person, even if they ain't totally safe yet. it gives you a chance to let them know they are loved and cared about. And hopefully, they have the good sense to stick around to hear it again.

People are always suprised that i'm always doing something new... well its not all exactly new, your just not used to me doing it yet.
I'm full of surprises =)
Okay, i've got to say something between lifestylers and lifestyle professionals...THERE IS ROOM ON THIS SITE and the rest of the world FOR BOTH! lol=)

Treat each other with some respect for christ sake, and act like adults! Yes, there a pros on here...they are a valuable part of the lifestyle, whether you like it or not!

And pros, you provide something very cool and represent us to the world essentially, however remember that this is also a lifestyle site, and getting offended because someone reaches out looking for something that isn't pro or cash based is going to happen, and you, being a professional, owe it to yourself to promote buisness, not hurt it's feelings, lol (unless they pay you for it).

And lifestylers, be accepting, if someone wants to do financial domination, thats their choice, no one is MAKING the sub do it. If they regret it, oh well, thats called responsibility for ones own actions...such is life, we learn and move on, even is something REALLY sucks.

now everyone, kiss each others boots and make up....DO IT! (holds gernade)
I wanna sew/stitch peoples arms together....
I've also been considering the implicatinos of sewing peoples hands together, or to their sides... Even eyelids. Seems extreame i know, but well, It gets my brain going to the happiest of places.
So Astra and I, after a year, have parted ways. We both feel its for the best now.

Things happen this way sometimes...
Everyone wish Astra a happy birthday=)
So, as of friday Astra and i have been on a break, sad, but its simply a breather for the sake of perspective i believe, so well work through it...

in other news:
So recently, i have been looking for sub, as you see on my profile. Well, luckily enough, i found a pet, we hit it off and its wonderful .

Sooo, i got a pet, i got a pet, i got a pet hey hey hey hey=)
So I have this horribly nagging fetish for sewing flesh together... I'd say its beyond fascination and quickly becomming an obsession to where i'm dying to act it out.

There needs to be classes on this subject... And in that pursuit of knowledge and the like, if anyone has any advice, experience and interest in the subject please let me know...especially if you want to participate ;p
Dear kinky people of the interwebs:

here is some advice when it comes to enticing others...your promises are empty, but your actions are gold, promise nothing and act on everything you intend.

Straight forward yes? good, now grow a pair.
I just got back from comic con over the weekend...and i'm still (two days later) Feeling like i went to mecca and have sustained enlightenment!

What a experience. I met so many people, found, new job possibilities, hung out with friends and learned from the people i idolize as a writer.

And most importantly...I WENT TO COMIC CON FOR FREE ;p

 yes you may touch me, but you have to form a line,  and  only once! hehe

Saw hamlet two....Go see it when it comes out. It's subtle, but a very raw and quietly outlandish humor. Plus, it will rape you in the face...and sexy jesus will rock you.

did any one else just love Dr. horrible? Joss whedon (creator of buffy, angel, and firefly) was there showing it, and he talked about dollhouse. I am determined to work for this man someday. or at the very least stalk him for a while until i can discern where he hides his genius gland, lol.
Happy birth day  to me! I'm 20! woot!
A few thoughts on Roles:

I believe in the superiority of individuals through their actions and the way they adress life and those around them.

i do not feel sex has a bearing on this. However, when it comes to female supierority, i think it can apply more to the enjoyment and comfort in the idea, rather than it actually being true. This can be said about alot of things, right down to how we ourselves identify as Dominant, or Submissive or even Switch, and how much we love that identification and self realization.

Now when we enact on them, this makes them a reality to a degree, but there are contextual considerations to be made about that reality, such as a sub isn't submissive to just anyone, however is submissive to their dominant, and that those urges are there. Simularly Female supremecy applys in certain contextual aspects aswell, only it is up to people to find the specifics for themselves or if they apply at all.
wow...i read the first few chapter of the claiming of sleeping beauty and gave up...first off, shes underage (15)...EW! Second...its so boring, the guy is like this fantasy of a teenage boy retarted by his own hormones. How was this series a big deal? if story of o is this bad, i want no part of it, lol.
WOOT! PRIDE was fantasmic!

Joss stone performed and rocked! Had alot of fun and learned alot of cool stuffs at erotic city. IT seems weird that just a year ago i was just getting to know the LA scene, now it feels very natural. Good times


So you'll probably notice my profile labels me as a switch now, and thats mainly because as it would concern anyone else other than Astra herself, thats what i am ;p

Still collared, still a happy slave.

Still looking for a heavily masochistic submissive.

are u confused yet? lol
Wow, what a weekend that was. I'd like to thank everyone that was there, who bought tickets to support Ms. Cyan's charity, and thank you to all those who made the entire experience a blast.

I especially wanted to thank a few people on behalf of Astra and I:  Mistress Auroa , Mother Tink and Frenchy for taking good care of me =) you rock.
See you all at Dom Con tommarow.

Will be there sat and sun all day.

Feel free to say hi. If you are a cool person, i'll take the time to chat. =)
I chuckle at the statement i so often hear: the sanctity of marriage. So sacred, we had to find a way to get out of it, lol. People in my opinion, don't covet marriage, but feel adherence to it out of familiarity and comfort. And to protect that comfort, they build marriage to be the be all end all. Marriage, like all things, should be an expression of that love, not a destination or title.

Love in itself is complicated, and trying to account for the many ways a human being can love always gets confusing, but in practice, it's quite simple. As such, it's a good parallel for poly. You can't put a label on it, it is simply an action to facilitate the need and desire. What should be noticed is that need and desire, rather than the actions, and this is what isn't done, therefore the stigma sticks like dirt on a melted lollipop.

peoples perceptions will always shift, but what grows is our knowledge of what fundamentally true. From the 20's we learned expression is a truth no one can silence, the 30's taught us to question government and to know when to fight for whats right, the 40's taught us when to stop asking those questions, and to choose your battles, the 50's showed us the power of youth and the effective use of propaganda and fear to perpetuate ignorance and negitive circumstance 60's showed us the joy and power of love and how nothing so full of love can be wrong, the 70's showed us spirituality and rebellion, the 80's taught us moderation and the consequence of not utilizing it, and the 90's taught us about acceptance of ourselves and others, and to accept our sexuality and currently we are learning what it all means in a new world of technology and enhancement in a unprecedented scale of time. This allows a lot of people to see the fact that the ways of the past no shouldn't dictate our presence as human being. We are meant to explore and discover things on a multitude of levels. As love is flexible, unique, powerful, this is something that shouldn't be as taboo as we make it out to be...within the context of relative safety, sanity and consent.

I have a saying: if you aint growing, ur dieing. and what stimulates growth more than adventure? adventure after all is reveling in life's experience, rolling in it like a dog rolls in their favored scents. Hell from what i see of my dog's constant rolling across the if i had a dog's nose, i'd be one distracted and content fellow. hehe, either that or i'd have worms.

My internet has been choppy...

I went to the doctors today, things are looking well, pretty soon i'll be able to play again, yey! Woot for the human body. 
Damn, since i left slo, it's just been a constant barrage of crap. Not to mention breaking a rule and disapointing my love...sort of a crap start to a crap month.

I've been sick, and it's freaking me out, because i've been dealing with complication after complication for the past 3 or 4 weeks. I'm so freaken done with it...and i can't play until i get better...thats the real shitty part.

I just want to get better, see my love, give her a big kiss and massage, and it pisses me off that i can't even kiss her with a clear mind till this goes away...

the irony gods are on my shit list...
Whew! what a week ^.^

spent the week with Astra, which was splendid. Spent alot of time relaxing and being all... subby... (yes, be amazed by my complex grasp of the human language).  Did fun couple stuffs (kinky and the nilla, and some inbetweens).

I like to think i helped her through her grad week, helped in the ways a sub can , but also as a boyfriend and a companion.

Somtimes i wish i had a fleet of ninjas that hid in the shadows until i needed them...

So after a wonderful week of relaxion, loving, joy and togetherness, and sexual stimuli (not to mention a awsome mental vacation), it's back to the grind.

I have a feeling alot is going to change in the way of the "grind". God knows its time. but i'm preparing for a  situation where school is full time, and work takes a back seat, so if any of u know any good scholarships for OC or LA CCD (LA's/OC's community college district), and then, its time to get freaken published or something.

I also have to start on getting a liscence, cause it would at least help with insurance just to have it.

alls in alls kids, a great way to spend a break.
I find myself growing alot lately emotionally. As a person, ya, sure, but the type of emotional growth i'm refering to is that of a submissive, which is sort of something in itself. You have to realize that to be an effective sub or slave, that you can never stop growing in this aspect.

It often stems from trying to answer certain questions, such as what my feelings are, and being able to sort through them in a healthy manner, despite the all kinds of crazy going on in my life as of late. Learning to catch myself in childish emotional slip ups that do the opposite of what my partner and i are trying to achieve together, and keeping an over all right head about me.

Communicating is a big one, mainly because if a sub can't commuinicate the good, the bad and the ugly to their Dom, things can go bad in a big way for the sub, and even the relationship, and neither of you will be happy. so i've found my communication skills have been getting sharper too.

And breaking down walls. I have alot of them, and i forget that sometimes. They came from past experiences, and recent relationships, that looking back, wern't what i was looking for.

My love and master Lady Astra, had a great  idea about using meditation in our pursuits in and out of bdsm, aswell as a form of training for me, and i think this in itself will help.

Honesty. Thats a big one too, because ones intentions within a D/s relationship have to be honest to work, even though honesty can be scary at times, and others, your not even sure what it is.

And most importantly, being happy with making Her happy. That has helped me in so many ways, i can't really describe it, and i think it's partly because that  sentiment is returned by her, and thats something warm and new to me.  she is truly a wonderful human being, loveable and full of worth. It's wonderful to be with her, and be hers. I hope i can bring her as much joy as she brings me.

The Young, The Beautiful, The Kinky.

You know, it's sometimes socially taxing being young in this lifestyle, because there doesn't seem to be a diversity of younger lifestylers as a general observation, yet, i know they are out there, and i know they want to get involved and socialize.

There have been attempts at a younger party base with dragonsgate, but from what i understand it didn't workout.

My question is this: What will it take? Any thoughts ?
And now a word from our sponsor.

If i am to write about tacos, i should ofcourse warn that i am a fan of tacos. All should be greeted with love and and a bit of lustful hunger. Some are hard shelled, and crackle in your mouth as to say " AAAAAHHHHHH"

Others are soft, and accept your bite and their inevitable fate.

And some are simply spoiled and should be avoided...

Now replace Tacos with people.
Wow it has been forever since i've blogged, mainly because i haven't had internet acess at my home, and i mainly blog when the mood strikes me.

My Master(Lady Astra) and i ( also known as myself or me) were discussing an issue of peception in bdsm fantasy and fashion, as well as the archtypes they represent. I refer to the fact that Dominants, always seem to be clothed during a scene (ofcourse i'm refering to a macro assesment and this is not true of all aspect through which BDSM is percieved, but i have found that there is a common thread that this holds true to.) For Fem tops we often find them wearing cloths that are constrictive and not all that liberating, and with Males are often found fully clothed. IE we rarely see a sub and a Dom fully naked during a scene, but it seems to be prevelent within the bed room. 

SO! to this i raise the question: Where is the Female nudist Domme archtype? it seems that this would be a common fantasy, and yes, i understand that there is a comfort issue involved as far as public play, but this theme seems to not be present, and i for one cant help but wonder why nudity is so closely related to submission, when put into context, shouldn't the Dominants flesh be all that more sublime and powerful in a demonstration of dominance? 

I'm sorry, but the idea of a Lady Astra beating me as my flesh turn all shades of the scarlets and purple as her nude flesh stands bared and sensualy present and to contrast my own ...well, lets just say it's all i have not to start typeing with one hand...oops, too late...hehe, i kid ofcourse, but do you see my point?  It adds a context of sensuality that is unique to the physicality and raw lust of nudity itself. Now i'm not discounting the sensual natures of latex or leather or the thousand other things that are fun to play with and wear, that is a whole other ball park, but the bare flesh of a dominant is something all subs can't help but shudder beneath.

Subs often feel that it is a Dominant accepting their submission in their nudity, but it's a two way steet, and you find yourself realizing that their nudity is a acceptance or even the weight of their grasp as a Dominant. The captivation, the want and need of a dominate and submissive shareing that singlized moment that connect the two (or three or four) of us, who we are as sexual, intellectual, and physical beings expressing our compelling passion for one and other, not to even love and appreciation...oh, can't forget the devotion, within the D/s relationship.

It's not just fun exiting and fulling, but an extension and expression which stems from the base of who we are as human beings provided by our exploration of this wonderful thing we call BDSM .

Just a thought any ways, lol.
ok, so i was hoping somone could help me out with this:

I've spent a good chunk of time looking for good original, creative works of bdsm art and all i find is, well, some porno comics and henti...there has to be more than that out there, why is it all that i find are some duche wad's idea of bdsm with women being raped or degraded or is so... juvenile, not to mention one sided and trite, and quite frankly not all that depictive of the actual BDSM world. It doesn't even seem to be about the BDSM, however, more of a raunchy extension badly written porno with not a whole lot of artistic weight or even effort. it's all the same shit, not even remotely close to what i seem to be looking for.

how about some creativity and class?  ok, rant over...

So i'm wondering if anyone has links or artwork they would like to share that has something worth while to it.

any one else share this frustration?
so, Someone asked me what i was looking for, and it felt so odd to be asked that. It had been a while since anyone had the courtesy to ask, rather than assume, so let me share a bit of what i'm looking for.

Currently i'm poly. I'm not in a 'relationship', but my outlook on things is poly, and yes, that can change at a certain point.

I'm looking for Dominate play partners, people that i can not only play with, but could serve aswell; not exclusively at the moment, but that could change aswell.

I'm looking for friends, and people who enjoy hanging out in both vanilla and kink settings.

As always these people need to be local (except Lady Astra, she gets a pass on the basis of her awsomeness).

Yes, someday i hope to reach 24/7 with a Dom, but there has to be alot of growth for that to happen, growth in my life, and in the world i am creating for myself.

i get tired of talking to people that expect things "to just happen". They don't, we as people make them happen, and that is a part of this lifestyle i enjoy very much. Not to mention all the other neat things that occur.

I have a lot to offer, and as time goes on and i grow, i will have even more. I'm young, but young doesn't mean incapable, it simply means my birth day came after most others, lol.

...Naked cookies....
Thanks to all you wonderful people who helped me fix my distance counter on collarme. It is much appreciated and you are the kindest to have helped.
How does one change their location status here on collarme?. I recently noticed on the distance counter here on collarme that it still has me in a town i used to live in, however, i live in Los Angeles now and would like the distance to refer to my current location rather than one i  no longer live at... anyone help me out here?
Things of late have seemed to be looming before me out of reach, and i have begun to ask my self as to what it will take to reach it, and why they look so blurry if they are merely to be grasped.
you know what confuses the hell out of me...the whole "Give me your money Dominant".

I see alot of profiles with "i want only your money for nothing" and "you will recieve nothing in return".

I just simply don't understand this. What is the point? Yes, i undstand it as a sub from a slight perspective, and yes, the Dom gets your money and that is supposed to make you happy, Blah blah blah...but it all somewhat escapes me.  I just don't see how it applies to BDSM. It isn't isn't Domination or sadomasochism. It doesn't even stike me as actuall submission on the donators part.

I apoligize if this offends anyone, i'm just simply not really getting it.

I guess it stems from my view as BDSM being about people, and relationships, and i don't see that as any other relationship than financial...and to me, that isn't what this is all about.

Sure financial submission can play a part within a relationship, but the one sidedness seems to be not only missing the point, but to be something else under the skin of BDSM. What it actually is escapes me, but it doesn't quite sit well. it is as if your taking the BDSM equation out of it, and it becomes...well, something else entirely.

Am i wrong here?

So i thought i would update, seeing as i haven't in what seems like ages. plus my last journal entry was a bit of a downer.

School started again, which is awsome, it's nice to get back into the swing of things.

I have had the pleasure of meeting many excellent people lately, and making many friends.

I am starting to get a grasp of what it is i'm looking for in life, and in a partner.

There has been much growth, both personal and overall. At this i'm joyful and exited. there is much in my life to which potiential spreads like a spiders web melting across the summer heat as the spider ferociously works to spin it further and finds he can drift along happily because the web melded into it's layers like a child in a hammock flopping about in the chilled summer air.

it is odd how i am terrified of arachnids, yet they carry such familiarity and symbolism to me. the thought tickles me to a great extent.

I got lucky as far as classes this weekend.  so i'm heading to see a very special woman this weekend. I'm exited, cause we have alot of fun when we see each other, plus it is nice to visit someone (and besides...last time we were to gether she spanked my ass bloody *yum). I love my life...

I'm looking happily into my future.

So today was a sad day to end what was a mindblowing weekend.

After much thought (and tears) Master has uncollared me. My schedule just doesn't allow me to travel the distance it takes to see Him. When it came down to it i had to make the choice of extreams, choose between him, or my entire vanilla life.

It is unfortaunet they had to clash like that, and it was not a choice i enjoyed making...but i did, and i'm trying not to go blind from dehydration of the eyes.

So this past weekend was very polar, but all very pleasant.

Friday was amazing, Master, His fem sub and i had what can only be described as a BDSM extravaganza. The pain on my end didnt really get past a three (on a scale from 1-10). The pain play was fun all the same though, we even used this little cane that inflicts this sort of flash stinging in rapid movement which is a sensation i just freaken love.
The next morning when we took her home we'd had so little sleep we can back and passed out. Then something horrible happened. Master got sick.

Master says it's the stress as of late (He may have to move a far due to work) and that His body hit it's point where it says: "hey...ow..."

I did my best to take care of Him while i stayed, but unfortaunetly i had to journey  back sunday night.

It worries me that He may be leaving, but who knows, maybe things will change...i hope they do.

When i got back things where just as out of whack...because i'm moving, but i have no idea where to yet...which is so nerve racking i could just scream! So i cruised the collarme site a bit looking at peoples blogs, and found someone who has been expressing very simular (almost exact) views on a multitude of things, only they are way more thought out, and they are even worded better, so i read through them...alot of them, and begin to wonder why my thoughts seem so conveluded lately. like there's been a cloudy mixture added to the contents of my brain. mabey it's just the stress of everything that is going on right now. How can my thoughts be clear when my entire life is filled with unknowns right now...

I think i'm going to write a bit tonight.

Master pointed out that i should sort of let people peek into my life here on collarme, and as Him being Amazing and all, i figure he is certainly correct. (i would have done it anyways, hehe^_^).

Nearly three months. Three months of being in Master's ownership (DomTopLB here on collarme). Three A-freaken-mazing months.

An example of this being this weekend, in which we had a busy, but fun time.

Friday was nice because we went to a party with the fem-sub we've been playing with (who is apparently and due to her 'curfew' missed out on the play afterwards (which thanks to Master, is always mind blowing). The party was ok...but, meh, not my thing, and the people were somewhat boring to me.

What was really interesting was before the party, where i nearly had a mental breakdown over this feud i was having with my ex Mistress, who is also my roommate along with two other vanilla males. But Master was there to the rescue, and certainly put much in perspective for me, the fire in my brain was cooled. Servicing Master certainly has its perks as a sub. I think it's because He is a very smart man, yes, but though He won't admit it, he is very caring and gentle as well.

Saturday was a much nicer party, for me anyways, because it was a leather party held by Avatar, and this was our first into to their parties. My body is getting back into its groove as far as being beaten and bruised. I'm always fascinated and perplexed, and yet i understand by the fact of being a masochist in a clinical sense, by the way the body and specifically, my body responds to pain and conditioning physically and psychologically as someone is beating me. i remember a time when i could take a lot...i mean A-freaking-LOT...and i've found that the more a Dom understands what i am and how i work as a subbie, and a masochist, the more rewarding it can be for both parties during play...because, hey, i like to feel the pain, and my tears will reflect that, and when i go into my sub-space, a lot of suffering, and fear, and rage, and hatred and love and all the juicy stuff boils to the surface and it is an amazingly intimate and open experience to me...sharing that is important to me, and i love that Master can appreciate that for what it is. I find a lot of clarity in those moments, and it's odd, but hey, it's me. It's something that completes the circuit of who i am and it allows me to accept not only the pain physically and emotionally, but excepting that pain from Master as his gift to me, beating His boy's naked flesh so that i may suffer for Him, and blossom in reddened skins and blackened is so nice to once again be beaten out of joy and love, and to love it, take it and accept it as i accept Him as my Master and myself as a human being, and as His. It's like being given wings and being taught to fly...that's the metaphor i usually use when i describe what it is like to be a sub to the vanilla folk who inquire, and i use it because it's how it makes me feel. It's made so much sweeter when you trust the person.

Alas until i am able to live with Master our time spent together is on a clock's razor and Sunday rears its head to say hey, work is tomorrow...But we enjoyed it none the less, because of the joy that is Carnal Carnival!! Master wasn't psyched about going at first because of the distance from him, and he'd been running around like crazy all weekend, but once there and meeting up with friends a good time was had. (The darts left lil welts on my bum...he he they are still there).
We got in free because we were helpful kinksters and worked a bit for the fair, then had our fun...though if that's work, i wish it paid, cause it was fun too, he he.

Master's friends are interesting people...and i like that master allows me to share my thoughts and engage others in conversation. 

I said something at dinner that i had not mentioned in a long while, and that was that as a whole, due to the puritan cultures being high in power through the world, Sex is no longer considered the art form that it truly is, there fore neglect it's properties and abilities, and even the varied and beautiful art that sex can be is like a pair of old, stiff, rubbery and mass produced...and i hate it... It's an art so old, so powerful it is necessary to our production, one of Master's friends said, it is merely wankery today...not to mention peoples in ability to understand safe(er) sex...*sigh*...At least i'm understanding more about what i'm about and what that means for me, and how i can use it in my service to Master and to bring him joy and fulfillment.

Until next time...


 to those who i keep forgetting to call...i'm calling after i post. Promise.



It is not often BDSM and it's participants get a fair shake when it comes to our portrayal in the media mainstream, as well as the public eye itself.


Often times people concentrate too deeply on the premise that it is an oddity, or aberration, never addressing the fact that a overwhelming amount of people either are in the lifestyle, dabble in it, or would love to participate in it. There is no concentration on the people themselves, no character study or interactivity to which the lifestyle thrives. Too often are the roles portrayed as stale misinterpretations.


 Submissives are almost always woman, who are ditzy ,incapable and easily overwhelmed, and when men are portrayed in the submissive role, it's like they are some kind of angst ridden perverts that need to get our jollies. There is no respect to their dominants, or the serenity that accompanies their relationship to a dominant.


when it comes to Dominant Women, they are always a insecure swanky babe in leather whose some object of lust of this perverse world. There is no depth, only a controlling gal in boots straps. Where is her intellect, her keen sense of her surroundings and empowerment? And when it comes to Male dominants, on the rare occasion that they are portrayed, they are creepy, and often times villains. This puzzles me. Most Dominants (Male and Female), are pretty amazing people. Not only amazing in their normality, but in their expressiveness and depth as people. The same goes for many submissives.


It's not that this is a pressing issue in today’s society,(it's hard to be relevant when people normally ignore it) but it's simply an aspect of our society that is unjustly stigmatized. It's an elephant in the room that no one really acknowledges. It can crush a reputation, ruin family relationships, and even lead to ousting of social circles. When people learn about my lifestyle, they feel they have a right and duty to treat less then they did a few moments ago, even to the point of outright disrespect. This is depressing to experience, as well as hurtful.


I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter everyone, mainly because it's something that I could use many different perspectives on.


Thank you for reading.



I wish to make it clear that I in no way have any intrest in "topping from bottom" seeing as it adverse to my nature.

I also have no interest in wasting anyones time.

I would like to meet friends on collarme. So feel free to contact even without persuit of my submission. Lord knows I need the stimulation in this thing i call my head.