lotusblue


lotusflower Female Submissive, 35	lotus47 Male Switch, 48	LotusBlossom Female Submissive, 24

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	About lotusblue a few words about me: you will find me to be interesting, fun, charming, witty -- and yes, you can even dress me up and take me out! all this, a sense of humor AND a gorgeous ass ... who could ask for anything more??? i like to describe myself as short, fat, old and ugly -- of course, this may be naught but a fictionalization... if so, then when one sees me they can't help but be pleased, relieved, or pleasantly surprised!! (laughing: or scared crapless!!!) so many write to ask what i am looking for on this site... the simplest answer is: nothing. i am not seeking. i am not trying to find anyone or anything. however, this is not to say i will ignore anyone who finds me and who intrigues me, who catches my fancy -- or better, who catches me! (insert impish laughter here) i do want things, mostly those things we all want in the long run: i want to be happy, to be loved, to not be alone, to find peace, to find contentment within myself. do i want too much? probably will i find it all? probably not will that be ok with me? of course, smile may you all be well. may you all be happy. may you all find what you seek. may we all know peace and joy. notes to go forward with: anyone can call himself or herself a Dom or Domme, and play with my twat or ass and in so doing get me off. and should they fail to do so for whatever reason, i was blessed at birth with 10 versatile fingers -- and boy oh boy do i know how to use them!! (wanna watch??) the one i am seeking, the one i desire to submit to is the one who knows that he or she must engage my mind, intrigue me, capture my imagination... when my mind is going going going, my imagination is racing through self devised hoops, when my every waking thought is " what wonderous kinky scene will leap out at me from round which corner?"... when he reads to me of quantum physics, or the latest assininities wending thier way through congress, or beautiful/stunning/calming/moving poetry as i suck him... ahh, then i will know that i am where i belong. could you be a love and not make me wait forever? patience is not my forte...

hmm, has been many moons since i have chatted away here. hell, has been many moons since i have even passed thru here!

no, i didn't find happily-ever-after... i have simply been side tracked and took time off from looking so i could return with a new outlook on it all.

rofl -- meet the new me!!!

i can hear a whisper, carried on a warm breeze -- it is a tropic isle, calling me..calling me home. oh, what joy it would be to answer this call affirmatively.

i was either a beach bunny or a sand burr in a past incarnation.

so, there i am .. checking my blood pressure. ACK!!!!!! i do not like the numbers that come up. soooooo --- in my great wisdom, i decide to keep pressing the start button, rechecking it again and again. when asked what i was doing, i explained i was going to keep trying til i got good numbers.

my son then kindly informs me "mom, it isn't like a slot machine...."

ready for more lotus thoughts? too bad cuz i'm sharing them anyway!!

love: i have read profiles which declare love has no place in this lifestyle and i have read ones who claim there can be no true relationship without it.

as for me, i want, need, and desire love in my life and if my relationship is to be the biggest part of my life then it had damn sure better provide the biggest portion of love. make sense? (welp, it does to me...grins)

what can i offer/what do i want:
i offer an intelligent woman who comes knowing how to start and continue a real conversation, one who is naturally giving, a sense of humor along with a strong sense of the absurd (life is a joke -- we are SUPPOSED to be laughing!) yet i am not a brat -- simply gifted with a great sense of comedic timing. oh yeah, i also offer the standard - heart soul mind and body (no duh!)

what do i want? i think that might be better answered by WHY do i want.. i want someone stronger than i (and i am strong, like you wouldn't believe!) because i need that. i need to not have to be strong all the time. and i need to lean on and use his (or her -- don't want to rule anyone out based on gender alone) strength to help me/force me to accomplish things i cannot on my own..or perhaps will not on my own..smile. i think i also need to know how much i am loved and cared for and who loves and cares better than a good domly dude? (no, wannabe doms do NOT count here)

nuff said? if not, as always, feel free to write.

be well,
lotus

as the cold begins to once again close in around me for it's season i come back one more time to the plan of retirement that suits me best:
think i need to open a little bar on a tropical (semi-tropic will do) beach, one well off the beaten path.
it's funny, cuz i rarely, if ever, drink.....

solitude. often a thing feared -- i know that in my younger days one of my biggest fears was growing old alone.
these days perhaps i have spent too much time in solitude -- it has grown comfortable, as one's new sneakers or deck shoes do with time and use and so become a most favored thing, or like a well broken in pair of jeans. just way comfy.
it has become an old friend and thus i no longer fear it, or perhaps i have just learned to like myself better with age.
either way, i can be content with this now.

i have finally figured out why i log on to this place:

i have an irrepressible desire to engage in an ultimately futile exercise.

so .. what's your excuse???

namaste y'all!!!

seems life is still the best game in town...

i am rethinking life, in general...

and people, in particular.

there is no such thing as "too old" -

the kid type folks installed a game on my laptop -- ever quest II -- and we have been busy questing together? (laughing -- i'm an elf .. and? who is surprised by that???)
now i truly understand why they are glued to their 'puters all hours of the day and night!!

sigh -- i keep getting yelled at though ... i just can't seem to get the hang of the whole W S A D thing. can't dance either... laughs

"there are only two precious things on earth:

the first is love; the second, a looooong way behind it, is intelligence."
Gaston Berger

"life has no meaning but what we give it. i wish a few more of you would give it a little."
Elminster of Shadowdale

creation, the short story:

on the first day of creation, god created adam
on the second day of creation, god created eve - thus, adam and eve
on the third day of creation, god created steve - thus, adam and steve (eg)
on the fourth day of creation, god created bi-sexual women so men would be entertained as he had not yet created sports or television.

smile....

dearest peoples:

if i owe you a note please be kind enough to write to me again -- i seem to have lost a goodly number of emails from my in-box (presumably out there in the ether somewhere..) and my memory is not so good that i recall who wrote what and when.

thank you so much for your understanding!!

namaste!

whatever happened to the love we made???

there is no journey's end.

this time i think i have finally done it - come up with a viable plan to fund my retirement and subsequent world travel!! now all i need is a few business partners to bring it to fruition...

here's the plan:

i'd like to open a D/s gym ...
i get several Doms and Dommes to act as personal trainers to all the subbies who are in such need of forced fitness. the Dom/mes do what comes naturally to them and 'whip' the lil subbies into shape...and all the while those same subs ply the trainers with 'tribute' ...

so.....who wants to be a partner??

oh!! oh!! oh!!

(that was me, excited...grin)

i learned a wonderful new word today!

dumbinant -- (noun)? a wannabe dom, an overly insecure dom, a dom who ruins and/or damages new subs through his own insecurities or failings.

hey, we have all seen this critter at one time or another -

he is the guy who scopes out every new profile and 'collars' a new sub within hours, days at most, of her membership on the site. he then must build himself up by tearing her down. he takes control of her, her world, her life .. isolating her from any and every one or thing which may? cause her to question him and/or his control.... questions are a challenge to his dominance rather than a step in the learning process...

kudos to knottynnice for sharing this wonderful word! (ummm, i admit the definition is mine and mine alone)

remember folks - don't take yourselves too seriously .. no one else does!

thought from the blue:

i have noticed so many profiles state that emails must be accompanied by a photo if there is not one in the profile...

i guess i must be really odd or something -- in some ways i prefer NOT to see what you look like on the outside before i have had the chance to see into your mind a little bit...

just another quirk of mine i suppose.

smiles ;-)

"we are the center. in each of our minds -- some may call it arrogance, or selfishness -- we are the center, and all the world moves about us, and for us, and because of us. this is the paradox of community, the one and the whole, the desires of the one often in direct conflict with the needs of the whole. who among us has not wondered if all the world is no more than a personal dream?
i do not believe that such thoughts are arrogant or selfish. it is simply a matter of perception; we can empathize with someone else, but we cannot truly see the world as another person sees it, or judge events as they affect the mind and the heart of another, even a friend.
but we must try. for the sake of all the world, we must try. this is the test of altruism, the most basic and undeniable ingredient for society. therein lies the paradox, for ultimately, logically, we must each care more about ourselves than about others, and yet, if, as rational beings we follow that logical course, we place our needs and desires above the needs of our society, and then there is no community.
...
when self-indulgence rules, then all the community loses, and in the end, those striving for personal gains are left with nothing of any real value.
because everything of value that we will know in this life comes from our relationships with those around us. because there is nothing material that measures against the intangibles of love and friendship."

Drizzt Do'Urden

she says, smiling, "i can be anything i want to be!"

she is ... pleased with this knowledge.

i have a new plan to fund my retirement....

i shall (overnight, even!) turn into a Professional Domme and DEMAND appropriate tribute from everyone who even wishes just to chat a bit!!

oh gawd, i crack me up sometimes!!

have you ever woken in the morning to find a question right there on the top of your mind? something that must have spent the night bubbling just below the surface of your mind?

yesterday i woke to this question:

have i outlived my usefulness?

i have spent the time since then considering it.. the answer is yes,

and no.

smile

i am starting to get excited already!!
i just set my alarm so i'll be sure to get up nice and early tomorrow morning..

cuz i'm going shopping!!! normally i detest shopping, but tomorrow's trip will be special --- you see, i am gonna go out and get me a life!!!!

i have observed that most folks have no trouble rationalizing just about any action...regardless of the consequences to self and others. it seems to me that this would be lying, either to themselves, the other(s), or both.

on the other foot, as it were, those who bring mindfulness? to each action create a bright spot of? contentment to the world. these are the folks who consider, before the action, 3 things: 1-what is my intention behind this action? 2- how will this affect me? 3- how will this affect others?

when we take the breif moment to ask ourselves these questions we become more able to take actions that bring us up, that raise the level of compassion in the world.

and it just makes life more pleasant all around...

namaste y'all!!

question of the day:

why would one go to all the time and effort to meet (and be accepted by) a Dom/Master/Owner . . . . .
to then set themselves up for failure by lying to him?????

my my my!!!

there is much to be said for the art of hypnosis, she said with a big ol' grin....

people yelling at me ***really*** upsets my whole lil world... and makes me feel bad about me... and makes me sad, too.

please, stop yelling ok?

you want to know what i believe in? i believe in my sword. i believe in courage. i believe that a man's life is a candle held out in defiance of the darkness, and it burns, as all things burn, for as long as there is wax, wick, and hope. i believe that in the end, darkness comes for us all, even the gods.
life is in the burning. that is what i believe.

~roberc~

wow! did you know you can buy a dell in neat colors for $399...???

wants a new puter, i do!

btw, got my new birthday clothes--- neat buttery soft leather corset top and a pencil corset skirt... top looks wicked good on me!! mmmmmmm

smile. too bad still no thigh high boots...

DEAD 'PUTER...

???????? ;-(

woe is me......

interesting things i noted today:

1 - there are folks who subscribe to my journal whom i have never heard from. wonder why they do not write....

2 - lots more folks browse me with the photo up...wonder why so many never write?

i am a curious one, ain't i?

and she whispered to me as we lay together .. 'Master, tell me how to touch You to make You go insane' and I kissed her softly and said 'Touch My mind, little one'

from some unknown person's profile

what my friend said:

sometimes i realize the unskillful acts i have committed. sometimes i am appalled remembering my own behavior. sometimes i am critical and judgmental. sometimes i am cold and unfeeling. sometimes i realize that though i have rarely acted with malicious intent, i have never the less managed to cause so much suffering. it is what we do when we are still blinded by delusion, anger, and greed. when the seeds from these conditions start to bear fruit, we tremble, we weep, we wonder how to go on. we seek out ways and sometimes there are ways out of the mess, and other times we have to live with the consequences as they are until they exhaust themselves.

sometimes during these trying times the heart breaks open for a moment, an hour, a day, a week and one weeps with the entire world of suffering beings.

well said my friend, well said.

you know, it really isn't much of a photo that i put up....but it has certainly increased my mail. just goes to show how visually oriented most folks are, i guess.

interesting....

one would think that at my age i would have learned to learn from my errors. it seems i have not.

i go to court in the morning for yet another speeding ticket!

i had a mazda mx5 - red and turbo charged - with which i averaged a ticket every 1 or 2 years. some doofus rear ended me and poof! no more lil red car.

so i replace it with a nice honda accord (le, lx, sumthin'). you'd think it a nice sedate car, yes? nope! guy i got it from modified it and used it for street racing! it is no more able to do 55 than lil red car was.

what the hey --- at least driving is a gas!

recently, i have been reading many profiles from subs (both male and female) wherein the writer expresses their desire to "be someone's princess'

ummm, did i miss a major section of BDSM101? since when does
sub = princess or vice versa?

don't princesses, by the very nature of being a princess, grow up to either rule or co-rule the kingdom???

or is it just me?

for giggles n grins:

'sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing'
charles bukowski

'an erection at will is the equivalent of a valid credit card'
alex comfort

sex is not the answer. sex is the question. yes is the answer.

masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good fun until you realize you're only fucking yourself.

'it'll be a sad day for sexual liberation when the pornography addict has to settle for the real thing.'
brendan francis

that concludes the day's lesson.

censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.

oh yeah.

i have brains and a uterus.

and i use both.

ok
dishes
you win.

oh god!
sooooooooo
bored!

i am bored.
bored, bored, bored!

know how i know i am bored?

cuz doing the dishes sounds kinda exciting right now.

pretty bad, huh?

stoopidest quote of the year:

"if sex really was that great,
you'd only have to do it once"

makes me positively glow that i need so much practice (sweet innocent smile)

balls!! cried the queen ...

another birthday gone by and STILL no thigh high leather boots.....

am i unloved?!?!?!?

i
am a
raging
pervette...
and i am
loving being so,

smile!!

" we view the world as both playground and classroom..."
maydecember

is this not the very BEST way to live that you can conceive???

to try, to make the attempt is the thing....

even if it all ends in failure, leaving behind only legends to echo down through the years, the attempt would have been worth something in itself.

would be worth something, always, for a striving - however flawed - outstrips empty dreams and the sloth of not having tried to shape or create anything worthy at all.

Alustriel of Silverymoon

IF i believed in God, i'd almost believe He/She loves me ...... smile

ahhh, but ain't life just plain good sometimes??

be well all

i am not a lesbian -------- yet!!!

it was a typing error .. i was trying to change my profile from straight to bi and obviously, i oopsied!

however, that is not to say i have not given great contemplation and consideration to lesbianism:
i quite adore female bodies and have had such poor luck with male types persons of late... grins.

think i'll wait just a tad longer before making the great change though...smile

namaste y'all!

i have found the Dom for me!!!

gosh, it would be sooooo nice to finally be able to make that statement!!!

i just do not understand the subs and slaves who are able to say that after only a week or so... perhaps i am too picky, or they are not picky enough??

meh. my day will come -- of this i am sure.

be well all...

i wrote a letter .. the first in such awhile.
there was so much to be said -- i needed to catch him up on all the living done 'tween then and now.
so i told of all i had done, of who i had been . all the whens, and wheres, and whys, not to mention the whos (smile)
i shared the laughter and tears,
i shared the moments and the years,
then i shared the dreams yet undreamt, the needs unmet, the wants as yet unknown...
i told him all, and all....
i sent my missive off this evening, riding upon smoke signals.
i watched each gray cloud, each vapor, streamer, and wisp
until i saw them no more.

i hope he read my words.
i hope he knows
and has known
will know...

yes, i hope he knows.

oh my goodness!!!!

i just had the most dreadful experience!! (yeppers, twas scary even!)

i looked in the mirror at lil ol me, nekkid of course... and Lo!
i saw i was fat.

anyone wanna play personal trainer?

is it too late to be feeling spring fever, i wonder?? i have been so ... well, out of it all i suppose. my laptop sits in the corner, gathering dust -- the cat unplugged it and i have yet to think of a reason to plug it back in, turn it on, and play the good ol' online bs.

i finally log on here then forget to log off!! yeah, i know --- nothin' new with that one! laugh...

latest daydream, rather handily co-opted from 'bones':
an extended trip through india on a motorcycle. guess a good first step will be to learn to ride, eh?? this should prove interesting, anyway....

namaste y'all!!

starting a day or three ago, i am on a short vacation while i wait for my mind to return. i seem to have lost it somewhere around here.....

life is, at times, a funny funny game!!!

so, i packed my bag -- not so easy to squish all i call important into a backpack but there it was - done. see, the plan was i was going to run away from home.

sounded great in the planning stage, still good in the packing stage... where it all fell apart was in the doing stage when i realized -

i was running away from home to escape all the thoughts in my head..and that being the case, leaving was a waste as they'd be sure to come along for the ride.

now i gots to go unpack, and we all know how i feel about THAT! (said as i look at boxes from last move.....)

mayhap i should just mail the boxes to occupant, at some made up address??? ya think?????

i have been known to shock myself. i've been known to dismay myself. i have even been known apall myself.

this morning kids, i have managed to do all 3!!

i broke down and finally got myself a clock -- one of those new-fangled ones what has a built-in alarm and even makes a big racket to let me know when it reaches the alarm time. (sheesh --- talk about Fancy!!)

welp. i just happened to glance over at said mechanical marvel and what should i see???

THAT IT'S 7:01 IN THE ALMIGHTY MORNING, AND THE STOOPID ALARM WILL BEGIN IT'S FREAKING NOISE IN ONLY AN HOUR AND A HALF!!

Perhaps......

i ought to go to bed soon, if not now?

chuckling quietly as the dream begins.......

totally brilliant!!

i just read, either in a note from a Dom or in his journal, a passage that speaks to who/what i am:

submissive but NOT passive

what a perfect turn of phrase!!

FURTHER OBSERVATIONS --
laugh -- by one more observant than i....

he chooses to describe the perfect one as "an aggresive submissive"

then there is a third domly dude i have utmost respect for - both personally and intellectually...

he has told me i am both of the above, all wrapped up in an Alpha Female....

given this, is it any wonder then that i drive so many people totally bonkers?? all the while, of course, i am merrily tripping along - - -
cracking myself up completely!!!

which reminds me:

we who can always laugh at ourselves shall ever be amused...

HERE'S HOPING EVERYONE HAD AS NICE A TURKEY DAY AS I DID ;-)

among the things i am thankful for are family - specifically a daughter who can and will cook (daddy taught her that one, mum was the 'official non-cook')
the turkey was done to perfection and her hubby made such scrumptious side dishes to go with... and i now know i am very loved -- they made some special stuffing just for me and even cooked it inside the bird!! mmmmm- nummylicious!!!!

thanks binky and allen!!

yes, i know: i **really** ought to post a photo on here...

BUT ... if i were to do so, one of two things would most likely be the outcome --

either i would be so inundated with mail i'd never have time nor patience enough to reply to it all

--OR--

i'd not get ANY mail, at all! GASP!! ACK!! and oh my goodness, even!! (snicker, giggle, & grin)

after giving it this much thought, i'm opting for no photo -- to save us all the troubles outlined above. sure hope you all appreciate my efforts (or would that be non-efforts?? hmmm) (laughing impishly now...)

namaste y'all!

there is nothing like reading a happy and very contented submissive's journal entries to remind one of what they are missing and long for....

i just read an entry where the sub in question waxes on about the joys of waking with her Dom the first thing in her thoughts, of the sheer joy she recieves from pleasing Him.

i remember those days....sigh.

in recalling them i find i miss them all the more.
....
filling the need before he is aware he has it...his happiness being mine...his contentment, pleasure, joy, and fulfillment being my reason for existing.

damn, it sucks to not have that any more!!!!!!

smile.

i may not be able and/or willing to state exactly what i am looking for .. however, here are a few things i am NOT looking for:

i am not looking for a one night stand or a series of them -- if i wanted that i have no need to search for it!

i am NOT looking to become naught but a sex object - a fucktoy if you will. yes, i like sex - a lot even!! BUT it is not all of me nor all of what i want/need.

i am NOT in search of a bully -- someone who is only able to complete themselves by smashing me beneath their thumb/boot/what-have-you. don't misunderstand this -- intensity is great, domination is wonderful, ownership is the big cheese of it all. and no, i do not wish to "top from the bottom" ... i just want the one who claims me to gladly accept that i am a complete person, not just a living bit of flesh to push around.

and i am finding i simply cannot contemplate the thought of being with anyone who cannot/will not engage my mind. again, we all love sex but there is more to life than sex. am i wrong???

be well all...smile

things i learned in the past month:

apartments look waaaaaaaaay bigger when they are empty.
it is not wise to ask 2 alpha cats to share a domicile.
packing is still the dread chore i remember from ages past.
i am very very bad at unpacking (i say this after finding myself moving boxes still packed from the last move -- april 2007!)
one can never have too many book cases.
one frequently has way too many clothes!
it is hard to remember what day is friday when one is not participating in the monday to friday 9 to 5 schtik.
fridays are important and ought not be missed due to not being noticed.
daily events may suck, big time even, but when you add the days together life is, for the most part, good.
being loved is nice .. smile.
loving ain't half bad either.
and finally, i'd like to learn to exercise while sleeping.

be well all!

i find myself seriously thinking of moving again... i strain my ears, trying to catch the sounds of a beach some where calling my name ever so softly on it's sea breeze...laugh. funny what getting robbed will do, eh??

of course, winter is coming so the beach thing becomes all the more inviting -- i don't much care for cold weather in good times, and these sure ain't good times.

mmm, time to pull up the ol' cushion, tuck in the feets, and dust off the mantra perhaps...

namaste y'all!!

today is one of those days... you know, the kind where nothing seems to go right for you.. i cannot honestly say life sucks, but it sure leaves much to be desired on days like this!

some days feel like one thing, other days feel like something else. today, life feels like a jimmy buffett song.

am i the only one who remembers the peanutbutter song????

smile....

i found the missing ipod!!

ahh, how the music does sooth the beast. methinks life would be not quite worth living were there no music to be heard ever again....

dancing, dancing, dancing.....

take me for a whirl??

ever wonder why it is that i do not list all my favorite perversions in my profile? if so, it's your lucky day!!

i find that quite often those lists do more to distract than to draw together... it is my humble opinion that those things will (and should) vary from relationship to relationship -- that they are really to be determined by the people involved in those relationships. what i like with one guy i will not care for with/from another --- so why make a dumb list?

at such point that 2 of us decide TOGETHER which of those go on our list, it will be a private thing and so it should remain...

thus, no lists for moi ;-)

today, i am weary.

i am physically, mentally and emotionally drained.

in the crowded rooms i look around and i find ... i am alone. at certain moments i am even lonely.

WHERE ARE YOU???

are you looking as hard for me as i am seeking for you?? sigh....

question of the week: why the shifter knob?????

last week there was a rash of auto break-ins in my apt. complex. .. 1 car stolen, 3 broken into -- one of which belonged to me (ACK!!!)

what they took:
CD changer (ripped from dash)
air compressor/battery jumper thingy
and....

THE SHIFTER KNOB!!!!

so, why the shifter knob? it wasn't anything special...(i replaced it with a lighted neon one...grin)

takes all kinds i 'spose.

i begin to wonder...often, even! ... if it wouldn't be ever so much easier were i to simply change the parameters of my search and from this point forward begin a search for a nice domme... i mean, it is a FACT that i appreciate sooooooo much the loverly female form (why else do you think i joined the girl scouts??) and i know how to please a woman --- well, none of them lodged any complaints unless "OH GOD NO!!!!" counts...

so yeah, maybe i shall skip the bi thing and go straight to gay (sick pun not intended...)

just some early morning pre-coffee thoughts here...

don't you find you just *REALLY* wanna crack up left and right and up and down and every other which way when you find.... those you left behind are there behind you, chasing along???

don't it make you wonder:

good gawd, why??????

like, get a life, even.

oh well, it keeps the grins n giggles flowing, yeah....

i am currently contemplating a vacation... of the semi-permanent sort.

palm trees, sandy beaches, blue oceans, waves, tropical breees, oh -- and those loverly coconut drinks with all the fru fru stuff stuck in them....

heaven.

now all i lack is a dance partner!!

this question is worth 10 points:

does anyone know the date (even approximate!) that i got my new puter???

i seem to have forgotten... sigh. kinda need to know for the warranty.....

DUTCHLION WINS THE 10 POINTS!! what a brilliant beer drinker is he ;-)

thoughts from the blue:

friendship --
what is it? when do you put that label on a relationship? i happen to be a caring individual, possibly waaaay too caring in fact. i know my mailman and i care about him (and remember, i live in an apartment!) so perhaps i am not the one who knows best how to answer this question.
i am asking it because i recently found i lost a friend... well, someone i had applied that label to -- he obviously had not yet applied the label to me. now, i am ok with this. i'd never want to push myself on anyone!
i just wonder how you know when you cross the line from aquaintence to friend, and can you cross back again? does miss manners have a book on this?

i suppose i ought to stop reaching out ... but i won't. to change and become someone different would be to forsake all that i am. i would rather accept that i have made a mistake in whatever manner and go on from here than to change who i am.

besides, i have made too many friends to quit now...smile.

FUNNY TIME!!!

Bumper Stickers Seen Recently:

I GIVE 100% AT WORK-
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday

some people are like SLINKIES - not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs...

SUCCESS IS.....
age 4 - not peeing in your pants
age 12-having friends
age 16-having a driver's license
age 20-having sex
age 35-having money
age 50-having money
age 60-having sex
age 70-having a driver's license
age 80-having friends
age 90-not peeing in your pants

and the bumper sticker of the week is . . . . .

Watch Out For The Idiot Behind Me

please enjoy the weekend all!!!
and *do* drive safe, buckle up and save lives!!

from outta the blue ...

know what i have *always* wished for, desired, wanted?????

no?

smiles....

thigh high leather boots ;-)

(laughing to self...)

welp kids, once again i have proven to self and any others who care a vital fact about myself:

i ought not be allowed loose in a bookstore alone and unsupervised as i simply do not know how to behave!!!!!

BUT ---

joy! joy! o, rapture!!! they were sold out of the one book i had gone with the intention of purchasing... you know what that means, right??? i gets to go back on friday!!!

oh goodie gumdrops!!!! (bad lotus!!!!!!) LOL!

welp, i considered hawaii. and south carolina, north carolina (still sorta in the running) i thought about washington state...and florida (oooh, i wanted florida!) oklahoma almost won. however, today i give you the winner:

ATLANTA -- for at least 6 more months anyhoo....

quite likely, i now conclude, they are correct:

i shall not find what i seek, not here at any rate, and likely i will not find it anywhere i look. not for lack of trying/seeking/looking on my part ... but simply because YOU do not exist, other than here, in my mind.

at least we can be alone, together.

further thoughts from the peanut gallery...

things i'd prolly do differently, next time around ---

i'd not fall in love so quickly, nor so often, and certainly i would not marry the first guy to come down the pike. oh, don't get me wrong -- he was a good guy and made me happy... yet i still wonder if there wasn't a better destiny out there.

i'll not be so afraid to leap into unknowns, into voids, into those places that both scare and excite you -- for in those places i have found is the essence of living.

i shall try to expect more of myself and less -- oh, far far less -- from others i encounter along my path. in the end, i know i am all i can really count on.

beliefs are no good to anyone unless they are practiced -- i would hope i would be a better practitioner next time around.

generousity must be the ultimate virtue. i shall, even now, strive to be a more generous person in all ways.

in closing, i find it's a good idea to LOG OFF before i close the laptop... otherwise folks think i am here ;-)

look outside people:

there is a FULL MOON!!!!

hahahahahahahaha!!! now we know where all the crazies have come from...

giggling off into the night...

one of the things that never ceases to surprise me is that people, and not always men, so seldom surprise me anymore.

certain things are often written off as being 'human nature' ... this is not true, but it does make a fine excuse for so many things, and for so much, and it is so much easier than actually delving within and actually doing something about ones personal faults or lacks.

not to worry kids, it's all good.

;-)

the biggest drawback to running away from home is that the one thing you most want to leave behind -- yourself -- always seems to follow you out the door and down the road.

such a crying shame, ain't it??

sitting here, this late into the night .. alone again -- or still, laugh --i realize that there are ones who might class me as one of the players on this site. why? hmm... well, as they see it that would be because i do not fall for the typical lines nor do i fall into the typical categories.

now, as *i* see it, the problem is that either i am too easily bored or they have simply failed to sufficiantly engage my mind to the point that i wish to .... whatever.

does this mean i am a fake or a player or a wannabe? no, i think not. i think it simply means i am picky and a thinker.

however, it also means neither is wrong -- not me and not them --- we simply each have different wants and needs and are not right for each other and there is nothing wrong with that.

i wish all well on their search....

have you ever looked at the language we use to express our feelings??

we speak of laughing til we cry, or of being so happy we could just die... then there are jokes that make us bust a gut...

does all that REALLY sound very happy or joyous to you??

wandering away, with a giggle.....

dancing in the rain:

kinda neat.... this counts as excercise
and as a green method of showering and water conservation all at the same time,
it can be a solo activity OR it can be shared with friends and family...

dancing in the rain can be done in the nude, or if done while fully clothed can accomplish the task of washing your clothes while you bathe and exercise --- talk about multi-tasking!!

it can be done morning noon or night --- lights on or lights off, though given the poor out come of mixing electricity and water i don't advisise lights myself. besides, it has always been more fun, in my humble opinion, to dance by touch anyway.

so, next time your planned activity is cancelled by rain might i suggest a nice ballroom dance instead?
in the rain, of course!!

enjoy!!

once again i am faced with the possibility of soon needing to make many nigh unto impossible decisions: the lottery jackpot is well over a million this next drawing and the ticket i have a 1/3 share in would have me spending around 20 million should it be a winner....

yeah, i crack ME up, too!

but seriously, folks.... it is fun to exercise one's imagination this way!

once you've played the 'how to spend X-number of millions of dollars' game several times, you rapidly tire of the types and sorts of homes and cars the big bucks can buy. clothes and furs -- meh! trips and vacations last a bit longer, several rounds at least!! LOL! i've a friend who keeps getting stuck on electronics -- tvs and computers in particular...not me. i got a new laptop for $400 last week which will keep me happy for prolly 6 or 8 years... now, i might be able to be talked into a wii....it sure was fun playing with ho ho's last christmas!
unfortunately, there are more things i wish to get rid of than things i wish to get.... guess i am just getting old or getting weird!! mebbe both!!!!

ah well, wish me luck anyway!!

1- i find i am a rather self-centered person. i suppose then that it is well that i like myself --- lots!

2- how stressful is the present -
how tiring is the past?

3- in a world where love is forgotten, can a memory be born to last?

yep, that's my story...and i'll be sticking to it...laughs....

excerpts from a conversation:

a friend and i were talking about my neighbors, the lesbians upstairs... tasha has gone to AZ job hunting and during her absence ashley has been entertaining a couple gentleman callers. the main point of our discussion was whether that counted as cheating ... or not. my friend said no, since it was not with another woman. i was and am of the opinion that sex outside the relationship is cheating, period. he goes on to say that if his girl were to have sex with another woman that would not be cheating as far as he was concerned, but if she were to be with another man it would be.

hmmmm.... seems to me that sex is sex, no matter how you look at it.

then again, i think a blow job counts as sex too, so what do i know???

(hear the music in your mind...)

why can't i have the love without the love affair???

happy feb. to one and all....

here's hoping we all find love or whatever the next best thing might be... have you given that any thought -- just what is the next best thing for YOU, and are you ready, willing, and able to settle for next-best???

well....

here's to the lonely
here's to the ones who remain true to self
here's to the ones who settle
here's to those who never do....

here's to the true hearts
here's to true love
here's to the lonely ones
who know they are the only ones
truely alone in the end

namaste y'all

oh, POOKIE!!!!!!!!!

i sit here (with NO morning coffee...) and find myself pondering one of the world's mysteries:

why is this 'puter going 'tick-tick-tick-tick' when it never did before???

should i be expecting a "ka-boom!!" shortly or no?

more important, is it my fault and will it continue working once it has boomed itself???

maybe i should go out for that coffee, ya think??

(hanging my head in shame and/or blushing charmingly...)

i just pulled up this site after over a week with little or no internet access, only to find i've been logged on the ENTIRE TIME!!!!

looking as if i've nothing more in my life than this place -- AAACCKKKK!!!!!

the biggest pity of it?? (laughs) now i can't ask y'all if you've missed me, cuz i never left!!

hehehe

ps -- no, my ticket did not win...sigh

a quick mind is a wonderful thing to have and/or to interact with...

i stopped in a nearby convenience store to purchase a lottery ticket, having deduced i have better odds of winning if i actually play. the clerk, a nice young man, happened to crumple a corner of my ticket while taking it from the printer. i was feeling snarky so i said 'hey! you messed up my ticket!!' to which he replied, without missing a beat 'no worries -- that will buff right out.'

totally cracked me up and also made my day....i giggled about it many times throughout the day...

"Life is a strange school."

Earon davis

tis that time of year again -- time to ponder one's misdeeds of this year and give thought to hopes and dreams of accomplishment for the coming year.

now, after a respectful time of contemplation, i give you my list of resolutions for 2008 ~~~

i vow to laugh at least once each day.
i vow to bring a smile to at least one other human being daily.
i vow to learn something each day.
i vow to do my utmost to give more than i recieve in the coming year.
i vow to see each road or task before me as simply an adventure as yet unbegun and to set off on that adventure with a happy heart.

it is also my dearest hope that i see all glasses as half full, that i find or make life filled more with joy than sorrow, and that i always keep my heart and mind open to new experiences and new loves.

may we all find the year filled with peace and happiness. may we all be well.

namaste y'all!!

i really need a favor from whomever might care to do it for me....

come october i desparately need someone to remind me to run away from home on or about nov. 7 and stay gone til on or about jan.7 ... it's all a mental health thing, i am sure you understand....

if life isn't fun, you're not doing it correctly!!!

be well all...

THE JOYS OF RENTING...

so, there i am - getting ready to go to an appointment the other day... i step out the front door to check if it's coat or sweater weather (it was sweater, btw...) and what do i find -- not 1 but 2 (count em .. two!) 'you are past due and we are pissed' notes from the office... one said my water bill had not been paid in 56 days, the other said it had been 86 days...bpoth had outrageously high amounts owing, too.
welp, since i KNOW i am current on my water bill i first check online to verify when it was paid and get the banks check number (i use that handy-dandy bill pay option) then i call the water company, ready for bear! guess what? they AGREE with me! i am not late, nor have i been! then i notice that although they had both been tacked to MY door one note is for another apt in my building and one is for someone in a totally different building!! okie then....

so i happily proceed to step out to go to the appt, when what do i find...ANOTHER notice from management! this one says i did not pay my rent and that they have filed a disposessory warrent on me! (GASP!!) i turns around and walks back in, extremely perplexed. back to the 'puter where i print out a copy of the check they cashed for the rent...

as i am contemplating my next move my ride shows up. the friend driving me that day happens to be both a dear friend and a lawyer...grins. so - problem solved! he is both calling and sending a letter to the apt mgmt... he doesn't like it when the world conspires to upset lotus!! laughs....

ain't renting just too much fun???

a suggestion:

do not let your laptop drink a coke... it never wants to behave afterwards. might be due to the caffiene.....

sometimes one finds it is the simplest things that bring the most joy to one's life.

sometimes tragedy brings in it's wake the appreciation of and for joy, teaching one to stop and smell the roses.

sometimes life is sucky. sometimes life is good. sometimes life just is.
it is always good to be alive.

smile.

namaste, y'all!

the game of life is .... interesting, to say the least.

recently, i thought i had actually done it -- i thought i had found the One i have been seeking -- He to whom i would gladly give all of me over to, forevermore.

sadly, oh how sadly, i found i was vastly mistaken: i cannot see a forever with someone who thinks it is wrong of me to want to be there for loved ones who are in need of what help i can give. sigh.

sigh...sigh....and still a sigh....

an addendum to the previously posted 'QUOTE OF THE MONTH'

[with special thanks and a bow going to SILKCOLLAR - He had me stop and think for a moment...]

first, i must make the admission that i have never read anything our dear ayn wrote -- i came across the quote in it's entirety posted elsewhere in cyberspace. it happened to catch my attention as it seemed to sum up, in a way, the one i am seeking... allow me to explain ( smile..)

this is what jumped - no, *leaped* - out at me from this quote:
He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects His deepest vision of Himself ... the man who is proudly certain of His own value will want the highest type of woman He can find, the woman He admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer --- because only the possesion of a Heroine will give Him a sense of achievement -- NOT the possesion of a brainless slut.

this speaks to me as, rather obviously, i see myself as such a woman --- and therefor both in need of and desrving of just such a man...

understand now?

oh no, mr. bill!!!

either
i am having a blonde day
-OR-
my laptop is having a blonde day

neither option is to be desired....

the good news??

LMAO: this, too, shall pass...

namaste

to anyone who gives a flying leap:

i've not been doing such a bang-up job answering my mail for the past several days - and likely the next several days to come - as i have been quite inundated here on the homefront with stoopid stuff like (shrugs and gives a dorky look here...) dishes, vacuuming, re-arranging the dust bunnies -- all in anticipation of hordes of insane and inane peoples decending upon me this weekend (11-17&18-07)... once the crazies are gone i shall return to my normal nutso self, she said with a smile...

thoughts - interesting scary and otherwise:

1 - a certain person is getting me quite upset by becoming aggravated and outright nasty at everything i say and do. guess what? this ain't no way to treat a lady!! if you are reading this, you are not the one to whom i refer...smile

2 - shock, dismay, and awe: i suddenly realised that i had become hooked on a couple soap operas!! (GASP!!!) yeppers... just because they are in hindi and chinese makes them no less of a soap opera, oui?? (hangs head in abject shame...)

3 - roommate and i exchanged christmas gifts today (yes, i AM aware it's just a tad early ... is ok, i'm only in it for the presents!) anywho, we got each other memberships in LA Fitness!! is that what they meant by tight bunns???

4 - in spite of it all, life is basically good. people, on the other hand, i am still not so sure about...

namaste

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

a man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and i will tell you his entire philosophy of life. show me the woman he sleeps with and i will tell you his valuation of himself... he will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience - or to fake - a sense of self esteem. the man who is proudly certain of his own value will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer -- because only the possesion of a heroine will give him a sense of an achievement, not the possesion of a brainless slut.

Ayn Rand

as i type i hear 'thunk!!' and 'crash' with a few booms thrown in. naturally, i recognize these as being unnatural sounds for my tiny apartment....i go to investigate the origin of the noises.

lo! they come from the closet with the water heater and a/c-heating unit within. decidedly not normal sounds for such equipment!! i open the door to investigate and what should my seeking eyes find but huge freakin' chunks of ice, dropping down from i dunno where to thud loudly on the flooring...

why is it i am thinking this might need more attention than merely my investigatory look??
i *really* should have paid attention to where i put those darn fix-it books when i moved!!!!

i post this for entertainment value only, as i do not see this as being of any great importance in the larger scheme of things...

i am informed by what i am to assume is a reliable source that what i want is ... too much. yeppers. i ask too much, expect much more than a lowly sub (and god forbid i should be a slave with this abhorant attitude!) should DARE to expect from a relationship. more simply put, it is not for me to want at all --- mine is to accept what is given me by HE, the high and mighty Master.

pish! i want what i want. perhaps the kind gent *was* correct on one point alone --- that this may not be the best place for me to look. however, i still think i can and DO fit within this lifestyle. (never had complaints from my owner of 10 years ... guess i am not all THAT bad...smiles)

however, what will be, will be.

laughing merrily now, i go on.

i have read others complaints about the denizens of this site, now i shall list my own.

mine lie primarily with the Doms i have had the joy to meet here (said with a goodly amount of sarcasm) ...

he writes to me, demanding honesty and full disclosure. i am a honest person by nature and by belief, thus my replies *are* honest. since i am SINCERELY looking to find my one, i also give full disclosure, only to then be told "gee, that's too bad. by the way, i am married" or some such BS. guys, come on!! you ask, no DEMAND that i be real --- how about YOU try on a suit of reality yourself? YOU be honest, YOU give full disclosure, YOU say what it is you are looking for! hey, if you are married and want to mess around on your wife --- guess what? i don't care!! just please, do not waste my time as that is NOT what i want! just because i am a sub does NOT mean i am nothing but a freakin' sex toy for YOUR enjoyment! if that's all you want, look elsewhere ---please!

rant over, we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

i quit.

i grow weary of trying to prove what ought to be obvious: i am just as good as the next person in line. i am not perfect, nor have i ever claimed to be. then again, i do not think i have ever had the pleasure of knowing anyone perfect -- contrary to what many Doms have thought of themselves (lol)...

laters all, it's been real and it's been fun but i can't say it's been real fun.

some mornings you wake up, rub the sleep out of your eyes then look around... then find yourself dazed and confused, wondering:

what's it all about, alphie??
what's it all about . . .

rough (first) draft...

staring out into the night
trying to hide the pain
i am not running anymore
not ashamed of who i am

would you love me
could you love me
would you hurt me
could you hurt so good
will you take me as i am???

smiling into the dawn's light
trying to find my place
wondering, would you forget me
even for hours?

would you love me
would you hurt me
could you love me
could you hurt so good
will you accept me as i am???

wgh 11.1.07

let's have a touch of history, shall we?? enjoy!

today, knowing it was too late
i loved you
through reminiscence and remembrence---
you, so gifted and great yourself
believed that i, too, was gifted...
you, giving me tender smiles
and your warm body, a piece of your soul...
i loved you because you taught me
what loving was,
what loving meant...
and how to read a poem...

wgh 10.14.74

come
   let us make a pact--
an armistice, a truce...
   see,
i hold my white flag high
my olive branch extended
            bring yourself to me
careful of the land mines
take me
   i surrender...

you may walk on me
   but not my flag.

wgh 3.7.78

that's all folks!!

tonight there is a new song running through my head:

'i could have danced, danced, danced ... all night!'

of course, this totally cracks me up...i didn't do a single step of dancing all evening long!! (laughing out loud!!)

what i *did* do was spend the night visiting with my sister and her longtime lover, playing wii.. what fun!! the only game i actively participated in was bowling -- practice for next weeks live event, or so i told myself. oh, i could even get to like that thing -- me, the one who really hates all computer and video games on general principle!! am i going to have to eat my past words and mend my ways???

hahaha!!! it will be worth it!! oh, and the boxing looks to be darn good exercise, too!

so so so many times now i have been asked what it is i'd like from a relationship... welp, kids, here's a few thoughts on the subject:

our lives consist of varied things -- from kink to vanilla -- whether we will it or no. every home must deal with dishes, dusting, laundry, making sure someone is there for the cable guy etc... i wish to have all of that.

however, as i have that, *while* i have that i also wish for the under-current of the lifestyle provided by the ever-present (even when NOT present) control that comes with The Look and The Voice.
every single real Dom and real sub reading this knows just what i mean... once it has been experienced it is forever with one...

i want to kneel beside him as we watch television, curl up beside him as we read together
(grins .. unless i am otherwise occupied an he is doing the reading.....) i want to dress to please him.. i want.

yes, i suppose i want it all. but hey, can't hurt to ask, now can it??

namaste

i have been trying to give thought to just exactly what it is that i want out of a relationship - beyond the bedroom/dungeon (hey, that part is a whole 'nother story in and of itself, yes??)

i am not looking for nor wanting someone to micro-manage my life - i am a quite capable person, thank you very much. there are times, however, when i DO need a bit of extra help .. i would hope for someone willing and able to step up to the plate, and mean it -- not someone saying yes but meaning no. (been there done that, got the t shirt and mess to prove it)
it is especially difficult for me to let go of things because all of my adult life, and a good deal of the time before, i have had to be in control... not just of me and my life, but often of the well-being of others as well. i LONG for the chance to let it go, to have the freedom of NOT being in control..though to be perfectly frank, i am not certain i even know HOW to drop the reins.
first, i need to see you are truly worthy, and will *really* be there when the shit starts to fly.. and then comes the hard part: i must learn to let go .. be *taught* to let go (not such an easy thing, yes??). to completely let go. and i begin to doubt if there is one who can do this for me. rather, who WILL do this for and with me.

and so, we are back to the 'am i destined to be alone?' question...

meh.

meh.

contemplation, reading, and discussion have lead me to this bit of self knowledge:

i am not a slave. i do not wish to be a slave. i do not even wish to try it on for size, sorry. it is not me.

i am submissive, yet i am also (as my dear friend so kindly points out) an alpha female. (yes, i do agree with You. smile)

whichever Dom, Master, or simply man i join for life - and yes, i AM looking for a life partner, though not marriage in particular - will be someone i can walk beside, not behind. someone whose life i can add to, whose dreams i can help bring to fruition. someone who is looking for more than a doormat, more than a cook and housekeeper. (funny story there...laugh)if all you are looking for is a toy to play with then put away, naked, into a cage til next playtime ... please pass me by. i need much more than that to be kept happy, and i have so much more to offer the right man.

besides, i don't cook worth a darn. (honesty is the best policy, yes?)

same story here from me as i have read in other journals ---
please guys: you do not own me, a letter or chat is NOT a trial run for ownership. don't act as if it is. i will not jump just because you are typing in all caps or think you are 'speaking to me sternly' or in a 'masterful' way. should i ever submit to you, R/T or cyber, we will BOTH know about it and know all the rules involved. otherwise, please go get off with someone else.

done ranting now.

smiles,
lotus

back from my weekend away, and fully recovered too. (smiles) sorry fans, no new pics -- got too side tracked! i apologize and will try to get those promised photos taken soon, even!! really! (laughing...) yes, a fun time was had by all... oh yeah...

waking to the music of the alarm i become concious as i note these words:

'you don't know what love is - you just do what you're told'

white stripes

*smiles* can definately see where that might become one's theme song, at least for a day or so...

you can only grow smarter by playing a smarter opponent.

;-)

never make someone a priority when they only make you an option.

i just read that in someone's journal and i went " shazzam!! that says it all .. well maybe not all, but lots of it anyway!" and so peeps, here i share this great bit of life wisdom with you. yeah, i'm just nice like that. grins....

namaste

'Indoor Games near Newbury' In among the silver birches, Winding ways of tarmac wander And the signs to Bussock Bottom, Tussock Wood and Windy Break. Gabled lodges, tile-hung churches Catch the lights of our Lagonda As we drive to Wendy?s party, Lemon curd and Christmas cake Rich the makes of motor whirring Past the pine plantation purring Come up Hupmobile Delage. Short the way our chauffeurs travel Crunching over private gravel, Each from out his warm garage. O but Wendy, when the carpet Yielded to my indoor pumps. There you stood, your gold hair streaming, Handsome in the hall light gleaming There you looked and there you led me Off into the game of Clumps. Then the new Victrola playing; And your funny uncle saying "Choose your partners for a foxtrot. Dance until it's tea o'clock Come on young 'uns, foot it feetly." Was it chance that paired us neatly? I who loved you so completely. You who pressed me closely to you, Hard against your party frock. "Meet me when you've finished eating." So we met and no one found us. O that dark and furry cupboard, While the rest played hide-and-seek. Holding hands our two hearts beating. In the bedroom silence round us Holding hands and hardly hearing Sudden footstep, thud and shriek Love that lay too deep for kissing. "Where is Wendy? Wendy's missing." Love so pure it had to end. Love so strong that I was frightened When you gripped my fingers tight. And hugging, whispered "I'm your friend." Goodbye Wendy. Send the fairies, Pinewood elf and larch tree gnome. Spingle-spangled stars are peeping At the lush Lagonda creeping Down the winding ways of tarmac To the leaded lights of home. There among the silver birches, All the bells of all the churches Sounded in the bath-waste running Out into the frosty air. Wendy speeded my undressing. Wendy is the sheet's caressing Wendy bending gives a blessing. Holds me as I drift to dreamland Safe inside my slumber wear -- John Betjeman

thanks so much my dear dear friend for sharing this delightful piece with me.

again and again it has been proven that the mind **IS** the largest sex organ... i almost believe one could orgasm from thought alone, and i am not talking about something as low as thoughts of sex either people. (laugh..) the 3 wonderful gents i've been lucky enough to have been chatting with recently know what sort of things i have had on my mind too..smile. thanks for the thoughts!

i am ashamed to say i do not know who our poet laureate is (hangs head in shame...)

bad lotus!

Life is ALL about ASS:

You're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
or behaving like one.

***smiles***

thanks Dearest One ;-)

i wonder why this site does not list nudism under any of the likes/dislikes lists? it really ought to be an option, IMHO.

if i could go without clothing for the rest of my life, i'd be happy.

laughing....

thoughts have been running through my mind the past few days, weeks.

am i really a sub? i KNOW i am not a slave, could never be. a Dear Friend tells me i am an alpha female.... what does that mean, exactly?

who and what am i?????

i know there are many kinky things i like, no love. i have only rarely been happy in a total vanilla relationship. i very much enjoyed having a Dom in my life.

but was it something i *needed* ?????

yes, i suppose it was, but it was not ALL i needed. i guess it is just going to take a very special Man to give my submission to. i wonder if i will ever find You.

sigh.

interesting how we can still learn new things about ourselves on any given day ...

i was going over my profile, adding and deleting things in the likes/dislikes arena. i decided i would add something about my interests in BDSM - after all, that's why i am here, right?

funny thing happened - i was able to mark but one or two items from the available lists. this is not because i have only 1 or 2 interests (not hardly!) but because i found myself feeling somewhat shy about telling the world at large things i feel are extremely personal.

i suppose this means You will have to get to know me to find out what floats my boat ;-)

you know that song with the line 'i feel good!'?

it's running through my mind as i sit here now. damn, i DO feel good!

no particular reason --- life and i are just smiling at each other i suppose.

hope you are all feeling just as fine. smile

just read this, and i think it is PERFECT!!!!!

Unless it is a Mad, Passionate, Extrodinary love it is soooo not worth your time. There are too many mediocre things in life for Love to be one of them.

wowsers! you can never know just how much that speaks to the very core of my being!!!

Love Hurts.

and NOT in that fun, exciting way either.

so why the hell do i even want it????

sigh.

the mail i recieve here runs the gamut from one-liners to poorly spelled inqueries into things already answered in my profile to those rare few gems: the notes from obviously intelligent and very witty Guys. these last are such an incredible joy and so make wading through the first two types of mail all worthwhile! how i love finding those who are able to keep up with me in conversations! what fun, and how interesting, it is to have exchanges with those who can intrigue my mind....

lota6 Male Submissive, 33, chesapeake, Virginia	LotD Male Dominant, 31, wyoming, Michigan	lotta4play Male Switch, 34	Lotor5150 Dominant Couple, 30, Ogden, Utah
Lothar66 Male Dominant, 44, Port Arthur, Texas	lothar4711 Male Switch, 53, Johannesburg	LotsaMoxie4u Female Submissive, 20, Ann Arbor, Michigan	lotto Male Submissive, 52, Lightfoot, Virginia
lotsalov84 Male Submissive, 21, benton, Arkansas	lothian Male Switch, 45, edinburgh	Lottafun18 Male Submissive, 25, Wichita, Kansas	LOTSOFTIME Male Dominant, 25, ACTON, California

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