LongFellow4U

Trust From a Masters viewpoint

I often see people referring to the importance of trust and how it is crucial that a Dom/Master earn that before one submits. This is something that I obviously agree with. People who blindly throw their trust around are, at best, foolish and, at worst, putting themselves in a dangerous situation. Since the trust aspect of a Dom/Master is well chronicled, I will not delve into it here.

The topic that I do want to comment upon is the trust that a sub/slave needs to earn from the Dom/Master. This is a subject rarely broached online yet seems to be of utmost importance. For whatever reason, since the online world promotes submission as a "gift", it believes that a sub/slave's perspective is what matter. This is something that I disagree with. The reality of the situation is not exactly what it seems.

To start, there appears to be few "Masters" out there. While the chatrooms are full of people claiming to be them, this is not the case. Few have ever ventured into real time. From my perspective, there seems to be a lot more submissive types than dominant. The numbers in the rooms also reflects this. Thus, online is overrun with "slavies" while being bare on "Masters".

Another issue that I have uncovered is the fact that so few truly have what it takes to live this lifestyle. Trust is an important factor that must be earned. This takes time. It is also a fragile commodity which can be broken rather quickly. Just look at Tiger Woods and his relationship to understand how hard it is to maintain that balance. He torched that bridge with little prospect of rebuilding. The same is true in our way of life.

I find that trust is lost each time I am disobeyed. A true slave will do everything in her power to fulfil my requests. There are times when certain actions cannot be taken for various reasons. When this is legitimate, trust is maintained. However, when manipulation, laziness, defiance, or anything else of that nature enters, the trust level is send sinking.

Many seem to think that one having the desire to submit is all that is required and that a Dom/Master should be in nirvana that she chose him. To me, this is only the starting point. Every aspect of BDSM centers around a relationship of some type. M/s (D/s) are no exception. Many of the same relationship building traits exist. Trust is a long-term endeavour.

So, is a sub/slave worthy of your trust? This is the million dollar question. Will she obey and complete the directives given to her? Is she one who will spend the proper time in reflection and learning to ensure her growth over the long-term? Does this lifestyle appeal to her because she wants to shed responsibility onto someone else because she cannot handle life? And, is she one who really understands what submission is about and that this life has very little to do with sex? Those who buy into the online fallacies are apt to struggle. This will also create major trust issues in your relationship.

Anyone who is seeking a Dom/Master needs to look at his or her ability to earn trust. Believe me when I tell you that someone who is real is seeking a person he or she can have that faith in. Obviously, a submissive needs to be sure the potential Dom or Master is real. But after that, you will see that person is looking for signs that you are worthy. It is a two way street and in true BDSM, the power resides with the other person. Keep this in mind as you are out that interacting with others.

Author: Dennis Najee

Finding a Potential Dom..questions that should be asked:

finding an appropriate Dom is something that should be approached with a great deal of thought. Just because a man is Dominant does not mean he will make a good Dominant for every submissive.

If you are new to submission then you MUST be careful.

A true Dominant says:
"I feel privileged to have gained the prize of your submission. As your Dominant, it is my obligation to guide you, teach you, care for you and do my very best to ensure your overall happiness & well-being. Yes I will make demands on you, both physical and mental. And yes I will also set you tasks, some of which may be mundane; others may challenge and take you out of your comfort zone. But these will only ever be designed to aid your development as my submissive, never simply for my personal gain. And all I ask for in return is your submission, nothing more."

A poor or fake Dominant says:
"I own you. Do as I say"
Note the difference, especially online!!!

There are several things a submissive needs to look for in a potential Dominant.. But before doing that, she needs to first look inside of herself and decide what she wants and needs from such a relationship. Is she looking to be a sub or slave....is the potential Dom looking for a sub or slave.
a submissive needs to then ask her potential Dominant the following questions to see if they would make a good pair. Doing this can make the difference in life and death in some cases. Safety should always be foremost in a submissive's mind when seeking a Dominant partner.
Is he looking for a short term or a long term relationship?
D/s relationships can be anything from occasional play partners to committed lifetime partnerships. It is very important that a submissive is looking for the same kind of relationship as her potential Dom.
What aspects of the scene is a potential dominant into?
Is the potential dominant sadistic?
there are Many things to be taken into consideration and asked.
If in doubt....Ask.

There is much a submissive must consider in choosing a Dominant. It is very easy for a submissive to get swept away under a Dom's control without asking the important questions first. But by asking the questions, she will be saving herself a lot of heartache down the road. She will also increase the odds that she will be entering into a relationship that is safe and consensual in every aspect.

OK, you're new to this lifestyle, Then let me tell you some things that you need to know! first names we call our self here is not all that important: Submissive (sub): are both male and female, Dom and Dom me: Dom is a dominate male, and Dom me is a dominate female Both sub, Dom me and Dom start out as untrained Vanilla's. Master and Mistress: are gentlemen and Ladys who are trained as a Master (Male) and Mistress (Female). Vanilla: it's a name that we who are in this lifestyle, call the ones who are not in the lifestyle, A vanilla is someone who does not know about this lifestyle called B / D / S / M. and at this point that is you, until you get some training. First, you must learn to stop being in the mind set of a vanilla any more. and start thing like a submissive or a s a Dom.  in the land of vanilla it is the guy who makes the first contact, he ask the girl out on a date. In here it is the sub that makes the first contact. (you will still see a lot of newbies like yourself, who just can't stop being a vanilla, and still want the man to come to her). Maybe if I explain in this way will help! A Boss are like being a Masters and a submissive are the same a being a employee and the switch are like a supervisor (more on them later).  OK, as a sub/employee you do not want to put ad in the classifieds. But Boss/Master do put and ad in the Personnals asking you to read them and pick them as your master. Now when looking for a job, does the boss call you and asks if you want to come to work for his company right out of nowhere? But you do! As an employee/sub who is looking for a Master/teacher to work/belong to, go look over classifieds/personnals to see who's hiring? fine the best boss/teacher who wants to be with him, and called for an appointment for an interview, then go to the boss/master and ask the questions and answer to the questions of whether (1)one do you want to work for him, and (2)two, does he want to hire/own you? Are you beginning to be under what I'm saying here? And WHY I am saying it?  that if a person as a master who is asking to be his sub, which means that he is really bad as a Master or not trained at all. And you do not want any of them touching you while you are tied up and can not escape. DO YOU? So would you do this? if you need an operation, and then you go the Red Cross and fine a person who has a first adi card, and ask him to do your operation? or would you go to where the Real Doctor's are and you fine the best one (you) can fine. not the doctor/master who has been calling and asking you to allow him to train on you? Well, I think you have a point here. So go and read the profile and choose the best person you can be fined.
NOTICE:
If he is doing by looking not, the establishment and expect to come to you. because if you do then all you will never do very well is the desired and untrained wants to be around. If you need to know more, let me know!

Sam

So Man Up. 

In these "taken in hand", "50's household" circles, groups, discussion boards and blog's, the overwhelming majority of contributions are about the Women. What THEY should do, what THEY should say, how THEY should behave. Very little is ever said about the Men, their responsibilities, the standard of measures that they should have to live up to. I find that abhorrent, and I believe that mentality is at the source of why Feminism ever came about to begin with. Now, Women are free to post their two cents here. But understand as you read this dear and gentle reader, that I am making this post as a Man speaking to Men. Thus I am speaking to them as Men do to one another when not in mixed company. Not a lot of equivocation here, not much pussyfooting around or going out of my way to be delicate with any ones feelings.

1. Men. You're fat and soft. That is your fault. Not someone else. Hit the gym. Get a P90X program. Stop eating all that damn sugar and corn syrup. Whatever. Just take care of it, and take care of it yourself. Your Mommy may love you unconditionally, but no one else does. Nut up. No one expects you to be Jack La Lanne (google it, kid), but If you can't at least half ass-ed take care of yourself, what the hell makes you think anyone else would want you to take care of them?

2. You're dressed like your clothes came off the bathroom floor. This is your fault. Not society's'. You don't have to have or spend a lot of money to dress better than you do. My Grandfather worked the farm, drove a milk delivery truck when he was 14. He grew up to be a San Francisco dock worker in the Pile Drivers Union. He built docks, railroads, was a carpenter, 72 through 77 he was a site foreman working on the Alaskan pipe line. he worked up until two months before his death. A 40 hour work week was to him, semi retirement. Yet when he took his wife out for dinner, he was dressed like he was on his way to an awards ceremony. He was never anything other than blue collar, but even if he was just taking his pre-teen grand kids to Round Table pizza in Dublin Ca, he wore slacks, cowboy boots, a dress shirt and a bo-lo tie. So did the majority of his friends. Some of you assholes can't be bothered to tuck in your "no fear" T-shirt into your poorly fitting jeans on a date. Your boss or coworkers don't really respect you? Women don't respect you? How you present yourself is probably a good place to start, dickhead. Man up.

3. Grow the hell up and take out the piercings, stop with the stupid ass tattoos (they stopped being cool, novel or unique 20 years ago. Fucking' let it die, already) and for Pete's sake, get a damn hair cut. You want to be treated like a Man? You can start by looking like one. Maybe if you start to look like one, you'll start to feel like one, and if you feel like one maybe you'll start to act like one. And when you act like one, you'll be one and when you are one, you'll be treated like one. And spare me the feel good-ism bullshit about the clothes not making the Man. That's an intellectually vapid cop out crock of shit, even if your mommy told you otherwise.

4. Stop hanging out with Women, and start dating them. Stop treating them the same way you treat your male friends. They deserve that much respect and consideration. They are not your buddies. You wonder why a Woman does not regard you as her alpha? Because you don't treat her like you are. She's not your "buddy". She is not a "dude". She is a Lady. Act like a Man, and treat her like a Lady, even when she does not act like a lady Herself. Stop swearing like Andrew Dice Clay around Women, even if they are themselves speaking that way. If you take your own standards for yourself up a level, it WILL rub off on how others view you. The loss of distinction between  men and Women has also meant a loss of novelty, mystery and mutual consideration. Be a Man and reclaim those things. Got "friend zoned" ? There is a reason. It's  because that is what you made of yourself. The Lady didn't "Friend zone" you, YOU "friend zoned" you. Stop treating her like she is one of the fellas, and she'll stop acting like one of them. And just maybe, she'll also stop treating you like you're one of the girls.

5. Time Management. If you are over 20 and still own a "Game console", you should have your ass beaten. If you have time enough to use a game console, you REALLY aught to have your ass beaten. Put it down, turn it off, go outside. Visit with your family. Go do volunteer stuff or something. Clean your damn house. Whatever. Anything besides sit there like a baked potato spacing out passively on the couch.

6. Urban culture. Just knock it off. It wasn't cool back when it was cool, so let it die, too. To "chill" is not an activity or a hobby. An inverted, backwards peace sign makes you look like a dickhead in photographs. If you like rap music, fine. Whatever. That does not however, require that you go about behaving like an advertisement for Eminem.

7. Man the fuck up. Stiff upper lip, what what. Face and deal with your problems head on. Be the predator that your UFC walk-in music makes you feel. Sometimes there can be legitimate problems and stresses in life, true. But 99.999 percent of the things Men today whine about are absolute bullshit. You need to stop your emotional bullshit, accept that life is sometimes going to throw you a curve and deal with it head on. Grandpa, at 17 years old, sat in the cold metal hull of a navy ship and rode across the Atlantic drinking shite Navy issued rum and smoking Camel cigarettes, leaving his family and home behind for three years. He went to go kill Nazi's. At 17. He went cold, he went hungry, he went tired, he went into real danger. And most notably, he went voluntarily. He came home proud of himself, his brothers, his family and his country, and he went right to work, capitalizing on the freedoms he won for his world. Some of you little pussy boys' today throw temper tantrums in your 20s' when you can't get your i-pod to download Lady Gag-gag. You squeal more than your girlfriends do at snakes and spiders. Carrying the garbage out makes you feel icky. Get the sand out of your vagina and fucking' deal.

8. Learn how to manage your finances. Why the hell should any Woman trust you to provide if you can't balance your checkbook? I mean,, seriously.

9. Clean your living space. If you respect yourself and your home, she'll respect you as well.

10. Hygiene. Here is a good rule to go by: If you would like her to suck it (Whatever "it" is), shave it and wash it before presenting it.

11. It's responsibility, not privilege. Being head of household means responsibility, not privilege. Don't waste time on what you "get" to do to her or have her do, instead worry on making sure you deserve those things. It is not "Do I get a blow job? ", it's  "Do I deserve a blow job? ". And having a cock is not enough reason to get it sucked.

 So Man up. Pull your damn pants up, watch your language in mixed company, treat her like a Lady, dress like a Gentleman, work more often than not, stop screwing off wasting time, deal with your problems instead of whining about them, be responsible with your money, your home and yourself and for fucks sake, face the fact that it's NOT all about YOU.

 Dickhead.