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Hetero Male Slave, 47,  Silver springs, Nevada
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littleclip

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littleclip - photo 2
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Friends:
CynthiaWVirginiaLadyAthena15805TrancedTart

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I am now property of a caring owner and am learning to heal from previous ownership where I was misused . i do not bond easily but i do bond deeply and am very loyal to my bond mate. i know i am at risk of being taken advantage of by others in the lifestyle as i am very trusting.
I am a very service oriented slave and need the positive reinforcement from it.
a piece of my heart will always love my former owner I will cherish the happy time I shared. I am still online to respond by mail I will happily respond to any that send me mail
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

Username:

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Weight:

Age:

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Joined:

 littleclip

 Male Slave

 Silver springs 

 Nevada

 6' 3"

 190 lbs

 47

 Hetero

 Indigenous

 05/31/12

 

Actively Seeking:

Friends

 Lives For:

 Amusement Parks (Expert)

 Flea Markets (Expert)

 Garage Sales (Expert)

 Shopping (Expert)

 Volunteerism (Expert)

 Bicycling

 Being allowed to wear your collar

 Exhibitionism

 G-spot Stimulation (Beginner)

 Local BDSM Community

 Rear End Play

 Fire Play

 Hair Pulling

 Munches

 Rituals

 Outdoor Bondage (Beginner)

 Public Play (Expert)

 Shibari (Beginner)

 You using a strap-on on me (Beginner)

 Wax Play

 Female Sovereignty

 Polyamory

 Loves:

 Travel

 Hiking

 Horseback Riding (Beginner)

 Being blindfolded

 You tying me up (Beginner)

 You disciplining me with a cane

 Electrical Play (Beginner)

 Being allowed to be your servant (Expert)

 Erotic touch (Beginner)

 Being allowed to worship your feet

 Being allowed to do all of the housework

 You putting me on a leash

 Being allowed to give you massages (Expert)

 Medical fetish play

 Modern Primitivism (Beginner)

 You binding me with plastic wrap (Beginner)

 Being spanked by you

 Suspension Bondage (Beginner)

 Tickling

 Being allowed to use a vibrator on you (Beginner)

 Watersports (Beginner)

 Arcade Games

 Cartoons

 Science Fiction

 Alternative Medicine (Beginner)

 Cooking for you

 Gardening

 Singing

 Lifestyle BDSM (Beginner)

 Auto Racing

 Likes:

 Antique Shows (Beginner)

 Art Galleries

 Bird Watching (Beginner)

 Fine Dining

 Fishing (Beginner)

 Going to the Opera (Beginner)

 Museums

 Camping (Beginner)

 Rollerblading (Beginner)

 Being allowed to worship your body

 Being allowed to see your breasts (Beginner)

 You punishing my gentials (Beginner)

 Being gagged by you

 You treating me like your butler

 Candle Making

 Sewing

 Intellectual Discourse

 Physics

 Cuckolding (Beginner)

 Swinging

 Vampirism

 Alternative Music

 Blue Grass

 Classical Music

 Country Music

 Eighties Music

 Electronica / EDM

 Folk Music

 Funk

 Jazz

 New Age Music

 Nineties Music

 Oldies

 Pop Music

 Punk Rock Music

 Rock Music

 Seventies Music

 Show Tunes

 BMX

 Bowling

 Darts

 Curious About:

 Sensation Play (Beginner)

 Vacuum Stimulation (Beginner)

 Nanotechnology

 New Wave

 Dislikes:

 Diapers

 Skills:

 Auto Mechanic

 Certified Massage Therapist

 Construction Expert

 Gourmet Cook

 Housekeeping Expert

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Journal Entries:
11/2/2016 8:49:44 AM
i had a wonderful time last sat at freds birthday party.  it was a great tim to socilize with all the local folks  even got to play a little and i enjoyed it alot. i do hope to be able to get to more functions in the near future as i enjoy being out and about with my Owner

10/22/2016 4:30:42 PM
as fall is again upon us my thoughts again go to those who I love. I as always wish I had not tried to help the way I had for that I am truly sorry and apologize for that I will always as I promised I will always answer any call to aid those that I love know I will surmount any obstacle to give aid I answer all calls to my phone 7752509338.
I hope that you go to many parties and all the social fun, just remember when all the gifts are exchanged and the lights all turned off and the last candle is extinguished and the darkness surrounds you and you feel like there is nothing left there is always  a candle burning for you giving light in the darkness warmth in the cold and company when alone 

10/8/2016 5:36:50 PM
as fall again is upon up my thoughts again to those i love.  i know the days are getting shorter and the nights longer and  the darkness encroaches on the light of summers happiness. there will always be a light to guide you one that you can call to you anytime. i will answer to the call giving any aid .

i  promised to be there  for you no matter what
  

8/16/2016 6:52:08 PM
i have been busy lately I got a new job part time but a start. my owner is getting around without a cane now, and best of all is going with me to burningman this year yaay. I got a big project done the trailer I turned into a flatbed is done now. I am glad the boys are back in school more time to fix the things they have broken. I got a used car for my next oldest boy, working on the motor. I do miss the abundanc eof dungons on the east coast I want to go down to san fran and visit the citadel once. 

5/4/2016 8:39:05 PM
it happened again i was in the store doing some shopping and i witnesed a husband belittling his wife. it sent me right back to that tiny kitchen in ak i had just got the regal plumb pudding finished and i was so proud of my baking. whe he came and placing his arm behind her blocking her in and while looking at me started to bellitle her and seeing her cower  from just the words i was frozen wanting to defend her but not able to as there was no physical threat and i had no directions to do anything to stop it. evry word struck like a blow to me seing the tear start down her cheek when he was done felt like fire in my gut. i felt like i was the one hurt like i was the failure for not protecting her some how. i was so distraught that i was not able to eat and lost nearly 40 lbs. i would sit up and relive that moment again and again.
no matter how long it has been the scars of the abuse i witnessed still show up and the pain is just as bad as it was then. i can only hope that this never happens again. 
i have only tried to do pain play once it made me ill, i have been to several group meetings i hope i can enjoy the play i one enjoyed so much.
little_clip
always here 
  

4/7/2016 8:04:22 PM
here is the results of my bdsm test

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% Rope Bunny
99% Submissive
98% Slave
98% Exhibitionist
97% Experimentalist
97% Masochist
84% Primal (Prey)
84% Non-monogamist
81% Pet
74% Degradee
66% Girl/Boy
52% Voyeur
31% Brat
21% Ageplayer
8% Sadist
6% Daddy/Mommy
6% Switch
5% Rigger
3% Owner
2% Primal (Hunter)
1% Degrader
1% Master/Mistress
1% Brat Tamer
1% Dominant
0% Vanilla
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.?id=1715186


3/25/2016 4:15:54 PM

i was told once that my scar would fade over time but that is not true scars harded and become stronger over time.  it is harder and stronger and stands proud of my fleash where it was carved. ther is not one day that goes by that i dont think of the last time it was redone the feel of the schalple cuttng my skin the feeling of my blood welling up in the cut and how it felt when my blood was drawn in to your mouth. there will always be a place of my heart for you


2/19/2016 12:43:51 AM
i lit one of your candles when the power was out and its light was ever more bright i gazed upon the flame and i knew its light would always be there shining brightly no matter the trouble. the light i have in me is evermore there. yours is likewise burning bright and its flame never faltering always shining in the dark. no matter the depth of the darkness or nearness of assocates there is always a matching flame to bolster your own if ever there is need

2/14/2016 10:15:26 PM
i saw you in the store again today. i know it was not you but for a moment it was  my heart aked again anew i remembered the pain and to keep it at bay i thought of the positive times and how much we shared how far both of us travled broadening the boundries learning and playing together. i will carry your mark with pride and will forever answer any call you make to me no matter the hour or day if ever you may have need i will be here

2/1/2016 7:54:46 PM
I am looking forward to the warmer months I know many are as well with all the big storms lately especially the east coast I hope my friends there keep warm and safe. this is the season that many fall prey to the darkness of suicide for any that are in a dark place there is always help and never any shame to ask. 

1/20/2016 6:24:53 PM
i miss going to the big munches.  i enjoy the energy of the larger groups. there is a greater opportunity to learn new ideas and different ways to do things and especially more ways i can feed my service side. the best thing for me is massage as i get the touch aspect as well. i do enjoy the shibari bondage as it is a intimate act. i could use some of these now to help me focus as i am very scattered right now.  i have met several local folks and hope to meet more.
little clip   

1/2/2016 8:39:10 PM
   in this new year it is the time to remember those who are depressed as this it the time many have the energy to complete the suicide attempt always make sure they know that there is always help and there are those who care about them and will be by there side  and  there is nothing that cant be worked through offer them your number to call if they need help
mine is 7752509338  I will answer all calls for help I can be anywhere in the us in as little as hours if I am called to I can have others assist anywhere in 30 min. if you are asked will you be ready
clip

12/24/2015 9:28:41 PM
my  wish for this holiday is for those that are lonely to know there are many out here to answer the call I am but one of them I am pleased to know that so many are getting what they want but for those that do not they have but to ask. there are many who hide behind false bravado
and are hurting inside before the last   call and it will be answered
 littleclip

12/19/2015 8:50:18 PM
for all those whom feel that the darkness is enveloping them and there seems little light or happiness for those that feel as there is no one left that cares
I will always have a light on I will always care I will always take the call I will come when called and ward off the darkness I wil be the bastion against all that assail you I will be the lighthouse that banishes the dark and stands stalwart against all the storms of despair never faltering never giving up for as long as it takes I will stand ready to answer any call from those in need and those that hold my heart know I will not hesitate when called

littleclip

12/18/2015 6:32:41 PM
I hope all here have a happy holiday and have a wonderful new year  and all who need help find it all who ask me I will help  for those I love I will always be here

12/14/2015 8:55:33 PM
in these dark days of winter there will always be a light to guide you no matter how far away you are. however cold you are it will warm you heart and soul  its light will keep at bay all that you fear and bring you everlasting comfort it will always burn and never its light shall fail so when you are in need look toward the light of the candle I burn for you for I am here if ever you are in need
just clip

11/30/2015 6:45:08 PM
if any one wishes to contact me they can here or on fet little_clip yahoo little_clip@ and kik littleclip68 i may not be able to answer right away but i will respond or my cell 7752509338
always here for her
clip

11/20/2015 9:17:54 PM
I feel saddened to know you can no longer have intimate play. I am sorry I tried to help when it was not ready I will never forget and always answer any summons I hold no malice only help so no matter how long I will wait only helping when and how requested to I have learned much about how to offer support and only keep hope and help at the ready I morn the loss of your free spirit I hope one day it is again shining about you
clip

11/20/2015 12:09:23 AM
in this life we chose who we give aid to and help as a service slave I give easily when I can.
but there are only 2 other than family that I would drop everything and rush to their aid one is my current owner the other knows I will do so forever as I have before so no matter how dark the night or long the path

11/12/2015 3:43:01 PM
my owner just gt her hip replaced im so excited that she will soon be able to do more I do have to help more with mobility for a bit but I enjoy service  I am glad to be able to provide her service I still enjoy pain play but service is very fulfilling massaging her feet and trimming her nails putting her socks and shoes on is a small thing but it means so much to me to be able to provide for her
clip

11/4/2015 5:44:19 PM
no matter the need or the distance a forever friend will respond never asking or seeking recompense just being there  even if only to have the knowledge that they will be there when needed
clip

11/3/2015 11:53:07 PM
 candle burning in the dark casting light upon those in need giving warmth where before there was only cold its light gives a beacon of hope showing that no matter how dark the night or how terrible the journey there is some one who will answer the call and fill the need that arises
my candle is burning and will be so forever for those in need I will always answer the call

littleclip  

10/28/2015 8:46:46 PM
as I get close to the start of holidays I think of those who are in abusive relationships where they can not go where they want not allowed to get a job not to talk to who they want not allowed to have money of there own emotionally manipulated to control them. this is far worse than any physical blow as the wounds are not visible but are more painful. all of us have seen them we see and turn a blind eye to it. all of us are at fault for not saying something providing support and help. look and see them and offer help find the local abuse center and learn the signs.
littleclip

10/12/2015 5:58:35 PM
as the holidays come upon me I reflect on those that do not have the freedoms that I enjoy im not referring to foreign persons but those here in the us. im referring to those that are abused not just by physical but the vast majority being non violent  with the financial and emotional abuse  the worst ones.  these are the ones that their spouse restricts their acces to money jobs and travel emotionally negates them and any that does not match their personal standards. there are the abuse victims that are harmed the worst as the wounds are not visible till too late. please find your local abuse center and get educated on this growing national problem
little_clip

9/17/2015 8:50:45 PM
just back form burning man so awesome a event. my favorite display was the musical tesla coil no speakers music from the electrical discharge. so many new friends and lots of cool art. I did make a offering at the temple again in hopes the ashes will be bourn to the great spirit and grant the request. now im looking toward the annual shopping season just not the crowds.
clip

8/13/2015 6:33:54 PM
2 weeks to go and the annual event known as burning man will open I will be there earlier to help set up and work but it is so much fun to go home again and not worry about social or cultural constraints and expectations oh and its a week long party yaay so much fun and happiness

8/2/2015 6:23:06 PM
the golden stake will be driven tomorrow at noon for the center of burning man and from there all that is the burning man experience will be laid out. 70000 from 5 continents  show up for 10 days of art and fun I will be there helping and doing as I am want to I cant wait to get on the playa again

8/1/2015 9:02:07 PM
ok getting ready to go home again to the playa helping rangers and gate as well as camp helland back, brand ur assi can hardly wait to see all the fun art and camps this year

7/15/2015 9:12:50 PM
getting all geared up for burning man so much fun and friendly folks from all over the planet I just hope blm stops being jerks.

7/7/2015 9:44:46 PM
had a wonderful time at 4th of juplya at black rock one of the compression events before burning man lots of friends and new ones parting long into the night I cant wait for burning man to start theres a dungeon there and a poly camp and even a fet friends group still hoping for a good outcome with blm as they have not agreed to issue a permit yet I am hoping to be able to bring my owner with me to experience her first burn


6/25/2015 2:07:25 PM
im in md for training for 2 weeks and I was able to see one of my old bases I did training at Aberdeen  I had so much fond memories of that base spent so much time volunteering even back them and going on every trip I could to the shopping malls and visiting dc. there are so many local clubs here and public dungeons I would never miss a day without going to something im going to studio 58 fri as there having a foam party I have a idea on what that entails but im going to find out myself and meet new friends and do some massages and if im lucky get a flogging or some more needles as I am a total needle slut now I went to space after only 5. I so wish more would get out and play explore whats out there and meet new folks, I feel for those that do not have that ability to do so and are limited due to transportation or money.
love in kink LadyAsboy
littleclip

6/21/2015 4:59:12 PM
I went to SELF in Atlanta and it was loads of fun, I got to see petal and her crew again. her hubby made the brand for my mark. met lots of new folks and was a hit at the foot worship party where I got one woman to orgasm from it. I so wish more could go to major events like self and dom con it near criminal for those who are not able to attend any one who can should do so.
also my owner LadyAthena allowed me to go to studio 58 here in ma and it was a blast I got a flogging and did 4 massages the energy was very high I did not realize it was 2 am till the music was turned off.

6/17/2015 1:21:13 AM
I get to go on short notice mission tomorrow and fly to the east coast. it will be nice to be back there I had training there with the army. I will look into what groups are active and hope for a meet and greet or munch as I really need the social aspect in the lifestyle as much as the pain. I had a wonderful time at self 20 in Atlanta I met petal and many others it was so fun, and I was massaging one woman's feet and brought her to orgasm that was the best compliment for me to get.

6/4/2015 9:39:59 PM
gift of life
if my owner was to become ill and need a kidney I would be the first to be tested for donation. the one that owns me knows I would and only has to say the need, I do this as I have a undying love and would be honored to be a part of her body keeping her alive. this would be the ultimate tribute for me

6/1/2015 10:34:06 PM
summer is here and getting ready for the burning man event so much fun so many fun folks it is very exciting to be able to go and be a part of the social cultural event  that draws 70000 from all over the globe. I hope that all are able to experience it at least once.

5/23/2015 10:20:24 PM
on this memorial day I reflect on those of my fellow soldiers that died away from home fighting for our commander in chief, and for those who came home but not whole who wait for the treatment promised. I see their faces with my own waiting for what we were promised for our duty.

5/1/2015 9:51:38 PM
I wish that there was a active group and dungeon near me I was spoiled by having so many near me and to play in them. I do miss the groups and munches learning new ideas and sharing interests.  there are so many ways to play and to enjoy the lifestyle, wax needles knives floggers. I  again.
can hardly wait till the time I can go to another big event
little_clip

4/21/2015 9:20:01 PM
had a great day today as the 1941 ford tractor my friend asked if I could get running ran on its own today first time in years. it drove fine in all gears and lights worked. its been real fun working on it and learning about it, its electrical was fried as someone put a 12v in it and its a 6v also it is a positive ground. now its on to the generator and grease the fittings. its so gratifying to have something like that run after several months of tinkering. now if all the rest of the projects will be completed as soon.
little_clip

4/13/2015 7:03:43 PM
for those who wander aloof needing help or know someone who does I will help all who ask me I live in nv but can travel to any state I need to or have someone provide help that is needed. my ymail is little_clip@yahoo.com

or if desired my personal cell is 775 250 9338 I never refuse any one who asks for help no matter what
little_clip

4/8/2015 8:21:24 PM
well could not get on the military flight to Oahu but spent several days at the amusement part instead had a ball went on roller coaster rides and walked miles in the park. got some cool trinkets as well. had a great room on the base beds for all and maid service. looking forward to burning man in 150 days 70,000 from  6 continents many countries so much fun and cool art and expression to see.
littleclip

3/26/2015 7:25:34 PM
it getting close to the trip to Oahu with the family, going to be lots of fun trying to get to see the volcano this trip. have to take a walk on the beach at sunset again as it is so beautiful.the kids will enjoy the luau at germains, I want to try for a hike in the mountains and a snorkeling trip. 

3/18/2015 9:42:18 PM
today was a good day it was near 70 and light wind I spent the afternoon with my boys helping me do some weeding. I helped a friend with a plumbing problem tomorrow I am going in to town to do some errands. and in just about 2 weeks im taking my family to Hawaii for a week this time im going to see the active volcano.

3/12/2015 9:37:18 PM
it has been 2 weeks since my epidural shot and it has been wonderful not having the headache or the stiff neck not being woke up by numb hands. this is defiantly going to have to be a permanent fix  I am going to have to see what can be done toward that end.

3/6/2015 10:33:13 PM
I got my first treatment for my neck and it has been wonderful my hands no longer wake me up with tingling. my neck is not as stiff as it has been. I just wish I could have had this long ago. knowing what is going on and having relief from the discomfort is such a relief. now I know that when my pinky starts to tingle its not blood flow causing it. still wont be able to be tied up with my hands above my shoulders but that's ok.

2/18/2015 9:20:11 PM
I finally got a definitive reason for my hands going to sleep. it seems I have a bulging disc in my neck there going to try a steroid injection to get the swelling down. it is a great relief to know what the cause is. now I can work on fixing it.

2/12/2015 6:51:40 PM
today was one of those good days to be in the medical field. I now have a whole lawn bag full of pointy things to play with. all the excess items have to be disposed of and I only wish I had more room in my car so many needles and so little room. there was 5 tri wall boxes those are 3 ft square full of medical supplies catheters forceps restraints the big leather ones could stock a needle play party for a week of pointy fun. now if I can only get one of those colon scopes that would be awesome for anal play
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

1/24/2015 8:11:52 PM
I have put in for a mission down south its a wounded warrior support at winn army hospital. it would be a 2 year job working at the hospital helping those that have suffered in combat. I  would be able to meet some of my old friends in the area.

12/30/2014 7:02:40 PM
I got my nerve test done and it is not a vascular issue but a nerve issue realy 2 as I have both ulnar and radial impingement. this is very good as I don't need to have a rib removed. I have to get a neuro consult to see what options are for treatment steroidal injections splints ect. it is a great relief to know for sure what is causing my hands to go numb. with any luck I will be able to get some relief from it in just a few weeks.

LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

12/27/2014 8:48:54 PM
I survived another holiday and the house is still standing. still looking forward to making a regal plumb pudding with some brandied hard sauce. planning on how to spend the tax return. it still a warm winter so far have lots of firewood to use.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

12/22/2014 6:55:06 PM
I got my stove back up and just in time for the baking to begin. muffins and pies and sweet breads oh my. and my most favorite one is regal plumb pudding with brandied hard sauce. a mince pie and some cherry muffins. yum makes me want to start baking now.

LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

12/15/2014 9:37:38 PM
I love to bake and this is the peak season and my stove is down. I have the part on order so I will be back to baking soon. got the first snow of the season here finally. im planning on taking my family somewhere warm for some much needed recharge. I have my last test for my hands going numb soon and will be able to have a solution soon.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip 

11/24/2014 8:12:47 PM
I am getting ready for one of my favorite time of the year. I can bake and make lots of deserts pies cakes and of course ny style cheesecake supreme fresh egg nog. I so enjoy the reactions and enjoymet of those that enjoy my baking

11/23/2014 1:42:40 PM
had the wild mustangs in my front yard this morning. it is nice to see them still running wild here in Nevada.  their wild beauty is rough and fierce. some complain they are a hazard but I find them a reminder of the wild start this country had. I like to think as long as they can run free there will still be some untamed part for our children to inherit
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

11/14/2014 6:51:38 PM
i am looking forward to having a holiday in the isanld of oahu and there is a chance my son in law will be able to come on leave from deployment so most of the family will be together for some fun on the island can go see the lava flows. i can hardly wait to walk on the beach there again. 
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip


11/12/2014 7:52:27 PM
I had my mri done now im waiting for a nerve test then I will find out what the cause for my hands going numb is.this will help in lots of ways sleeping and working. my owner is doing much better and healing from the car accident in mar. the weather is turning the leaves here and it looks a treat here right now.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

11/3/2014 10:30:54 PM
I got some good news on my arms going numb, I may not need to have my 1st rib removed I may have a kind of pinched nerve in my neck. I am getting a mri done to see and if so I may only need a simple procedure to fix my arms so I can put my arms up above my head again. so I am looking forward to the test as I am so tired of my arms going to sleep and waking me up at night.

10/30/2014 7:14:32 PM
my surgery is delayed as I am getting a 2nd opinion as I might have some other cause for my numbness in my hands and arms. as much as I don't want to wait I want more to be certain of the cause. I so look forward to getting better sleep and able to do more. my owner is getting around much better now, I hope to be able to do more as well.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip

10/25/2014 6:02:11 PM
getting ready for drill next weekend. lots of waiting around and a little work to be done. sucks that its on Halloween. then I can look forward to thanksgiving I love to bake breads and pies cookies ect.

10/18/2014 5:31:50 PM
I am waiting for a consult for a surgeon for my surgery. 7 months and still the va is dragging their feet. I have finished building my murphy bed it folds up against the wall when not needed. I had one when I was a kid now I have another. it makes a big difference lots of room to move around when put up.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip 

10/1/2014 8:11:35 PM
still waiting for the surgical apt I really need to get it fixed soon. on a good point I finished my murphy bed now I just need to set it up. I still am enjoying the memories of burning man so much fun and enjoyment. I still  miss the active local community, I did not realize I had  enjoyed the meetings so much I hope to go to some someday soon.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip
every 9 seconds a woman is abused break the silence say something

9/15/2014 7:31:10 PM
my dr apt went very well my cholesterol is down now so I don't have to take the statins anymore. I am still waiting for my surgery date for my thoracic outlet syndrome then I can have my hands above my shoulders. I have both of my rvs rented for next years burning man so there will be more fun. the weather is been wonderful I am lucky to be able to spend time every day with my owner as I work for her it is very convenient. I am building my new bed a murphy bed that folds up against the wall saves lots of room easy to make the bed.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip 

9/14/2014 8:53:22 PM
I had a good weekend I started building my murphy bed that folds up against the wall. it will make more open space to use. I have to see my dr tomorrow for a surgical referral to allow me to put my arms over my head, makes putting me on the cross easier. I also have a lab test to check on my med level and see how my cholesterol is dropping as part of my diet modification. I need another visit with my lifestyle counselor im still recovering from the former relationship that ended.  on a positive note I had a wonderful time at burning man the alien invasion burn was a big production everyone loved it. I am looking forward to next year as I am going with all my family and my owner too loads of fun for all.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip  

8/7/2014 10:51:09 AM
I am going to ak and I am looking forward to seeing some of my friends up their and even more to get a visit with one that moved to wa on my way back. I miss going to local events I find I crave the social interaction of others. I hope to one day be able to play as I did before but I will progress and enjoy what I am able to
LadyAsboy
always littleclip

7/17/2014 9:20:02 PM
it is hard to stay in a happy place when something somewhere reminds me of my loss and the wound is uncovered and the pain is overwhelming. i dont know if i can ever let go of the one that bound my heart. i still mourn and still hurt clousure is eluding me and may never come. but if i were to be asked to come to help i would. 

7/13/2014 6:24:55 PM
in 2 weeks the center stake for burning man and from there the whole camp will be built from that, i am getting so excited there will be so many there and so much fun and extended to 10 days this year. i am looking forward to meeting all of my freinds and meeting new ones.

7/10/2014 7:45:40 PM
i got my meds finally only 6 weeks late now i have to get the level back up. i am getting prepped up for the burning man event next month so much fun and happiness it will be a welcome event. 

7/5/2014 4:34:11 PM
i feel so inadequate  since i cant do pain as i used to. i cant do what i had before i seem to have service submission as the only part left i can do properly. i have little or no energy my sleep is screwed up and my meds are screwed up to boot. i am left feeling as i am worthless miserable excuse unable to live up to the ideals of a internally enslaved sub
littleclip

7/4/2014 4:36:00 PM
the one that has collared my heart knows i will be to her side if ever she has need as was the case when she had the car accident. internal enslavement does not happen quickly but it is a bond that no ammount of time or distance can diminish. although i wear anothers collar the one binding my heart can not be removed.
littleclip

6/30/2014 10:29:18 PM
some days i dont know why i bother  my depression is not relenting my unit does not seem to care for me and few even know i am here my service orientation mostly just gets me taken advantage of i  have a gaping hole in me and nothing seems to fill it my only health care is the va and it is a 3 month wait i have not had one of my meds for a month now 
always 
littleclip

6/29/2014 7:24:49 PM
 i have a new owner but i still carry a collar on my heart and likely always will i have had to start a official investigation due to a letter by a commissioned officer in ak i only hope it will not cause unintentional harm for if certain questions are raised the answers would not be well liked. i still have bad dreams of the domestic manipulation i was witness to in ak the pain is still real and ever present and likely will never fully go away. i hope anyone who has such domestic non violent abuse gets help.
i am looking forward to burning man in 2 months for 1 week it will be non stop  happiness
i hope to one to be able to play as i once did i miss the space i got. i still enjoy service submission and my new owner.
LadyAsboy
always
littleclip



5/22/2014 8:31:51 PM

i only just got home and i have to plan to leave again but this time its a set time to be away. i still am waiting for my drill pay so i can do some needed things here unit is working on it. my insurance problem is being worked on by sen mccains office i am hopeful there will be some positive action from it. i am loved and wanted by my owner and i am satisfied with my place.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


5/19/2014 8:27:50 PM

i am home again and enjoying every moment of it. there is lots of work to be done but i enjoy being busy and helping others. my owner is doing much better and now there will be more quality time and cuddling as well as time for D/s reinforcement. i do have to go to annual training in minnesota but it is only 21 days and then i get to prepare for the annual burning man event this year my family will be coming with me it will be a hoot.

i am ever so happy to have such a loving and caring owner as i do now.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


5/16/2014 9:44:52 PM

i am so looking forward to getting back home to my loving dominant again. i have enjoyed being with my friends up here in alaska but i have been away from my owners touch for too long and i will be more settled at her feet. i still am saddened  at all the ones that do not have such a loving person in their life those that are used and abused. i am no longer one of those and am grateful beyond words

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


5/13/2014 6:05:06 PM

i am nearly done with my trip to alaska for my unit and looking forward to returning to my owner. it will only be for a short time as i have to spend 3 weeks in wisconson for my summer training after being back for only 3 weeks. i am so looking forward to going to burning man in aug that will be a massive recharge for my well being. it truly is my happy place

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


5/12/2014 7:30:17 PM

it has been very relaxing now that the drama mamma has left the state. there is no more stress about going to events just relaxed and calm happy events. i am so happy that my service here is received with pleasure. i am making cookies again for the mid week event they are so enjoyed by the group. i am looking forward to  going to local events with my owner now that she is healing well.  i will be going to annual training soon and then get ready for burning man in aug. there is so much to be looking forward to comming up and i have a wonderful owner that cares about me.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


5/8/2014 9:30:04 PM

today was a very enjoyable day i did some real work at my unit today and this evening i was able to attend the sub circle met my friends again and even got to meet doug again and chat a bit. it was a very pleasant ending for the day. i am eager to get back to my owner now that she has healed sufficiently from the car wreck to be able to do things with me again. i am looking forward to seeing more of the local members especially as a new group just started near my town. i am very truly blessed to have a owner that cares for and about me not just themselves.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


5/1/2014 8:36:54 PM

another day wasted 460 miles driven and the flight postponed yet again. i see the picks of marks on updates and i long to be able to show them on myself again. it has been such a long time since i was able to have a play time and longer since i could enjoy one. i have such a desire to serve i have to be reminded to take time to serve myself as i always put myself last and often i am without the time to do for myself. 

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


4/28/2014 7:03:37 PM

i am leaving again for drill and am torn I am excited to see my friends in ak again but I don't want to leave my owner while recovering. I am looking forward to seeing ak in spring but I don't want to leave home where I need to be.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


4/24/2014 8:32:15 PM

i am so tired sleep eludes me i have to take sleep aids to get to sleep. i want so much to be pleasing but i cant even please myself. it has been so long since i could fly with play i want to i hope to someday do so again.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


4/22/2014 9:13:32 PM

my owner is home and settled in things are getting back to some normalcy. I do have to go north again for drill I am so looking forward to seeing my friends again I do enjoy hanging out with them making cookies for the groups. it makes me feel good to feel wanted and appreciated I was missing that when I was owned before.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


4/13/2014 8:17:15 PM

i am so weary of the struggling, i wish to chat with others i miss going to groups and interacting with others there is so few possibility's to do so here where i live, with all that has been said of me few are willing to communicate with me for fear of being isolated likewise. i want so much to feel the belonging as i once did. 

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


4/12/2014 7:27:23 PM

when you are internally collared and have bound yourself to your owner and the relationship ends. it is hard to find the ability to trust as you had before. the grief and loss is very hard to deal with. when the universe that you have had for years is suddenly gone and you are cast adrift left without anchorage or point of stability. it is a very tumultuous time. you are in pain and mourning a great loss. as a pain slut that i was i found i could not deal with the pain as i once did instead of getting high from it i only got nauseous after only a few strokes. i still crave the service aspect and find fulfilment in that but i miss the bonding i once had as i have adhd i do not bond easily but with the few i trust it is a deep and strong bond not easily severed. i do honestly hope one day to fly with the flogging as i once did i feel as if i am a failure sometimes when i cant get that anymore like i am broken a failure. but when i see how my new owner looks at me i know i am still special

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


4/9/2014 9:13:41 PM

it was good to see my owner up in a wheelchair moving around today  not being able to do for herself is hard not just for her but for me to see her in need and not being able to provide for her. all of this is hard for me trying to keep things moving and together. i am looking forward to meeting my friends up in alaska. i will enjoy the happiness there. 

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip

 


4/8/2014 12:41:23 AM

it is hard on me to try to keep everything running whit my owner in rehab for 2 weeks so much driving and work to do and i have so little time with her it is hard to get the rest i need and it will be some time before i could get a beating to help keep me in balance but i know i must remain strong my owner needs me to be and so i shall i know things happen for a reason so i will be strong and learn what i can from this and continue to grow

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/31/2014 5:22:00 PM

my owner is going to rehab tomorrow this will make visiting easier but it is still hard to see her in pain and suffering. i avoid discomfort when i can but i cant avoid this pain i have to push it down inside where it is safe. i go to work and go through the motoins so i dont hide in the dark place. i still hurt from before. i dont need this now.


3/31/2014 10:40:01 AM

i can feel myself shutting down isolating myself from everything. i know it is a preservation thing but i dont think i can handle more pain and sorrow right now . it is all i can do to keep getting up and facing the day it is all to easy to surender and hide in the dark place inside.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/29/2014 7:17:41 PM

after a fretful night  I did get to see my owner awake and talking. the leg was the worst shattered femur broken knee broken and dislocated ankle. the arm was less severe both lower arm bones broken.  both leg and arm set with pins and rods. it is hard for me to see  her like that and not be able to do anything, I know the staff there is doing the best but I want to do it and it troubles me inside that I cant. this pushes back any time for play for some months. i try not to think about it so i don't drive myself nuts. then i feel as i am just walking around  not attached disconnected numb. i hope she gets out soon i need her dominance.

 

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/28/2014 4:08:24 PM

a very disrupted day. my owner was in a car accident and had to get surgery. everything is changed now i am trying to remain happy but it is hard at times to do so with my past. inside i am in turmoil and worried but i remain calm outside. 

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/27/2014 7:42:28 PM

I had a very pleasant day out with my owner. when we go out I do get to provide simple service like opening doors for her and fetching what it is she wants. being service oriented it feeds my submission. I do hope that soon I will be able to process the pain as I once did but my owner understands and accepts me as I am and is very happy to have someone as special as me in her life

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/24/2014 11:10:18 PM

I am so happy with my new owner that truly loves me and all my family she is concerned for them as well not just me. I see my new owner most every day reinforcing my submission. talking openly daily on any subject of concern. I do hope one day to be able to process pain as I once did till then I will enjoy serving my loving owner.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/22/2014 9:17:35 PM

I had a great day I spent several hours with my dominant and then took the boys to chucki cheese with 2 of my daughters for a birthday  party. more talking of burning man as it gets closer.

 


3/22/2014 7:11:39 AM

I am continually glad I have had the help that has been afforded to me. my session with Kathy labriola in Berkley was the most helpful as she is a poly lifestyle counselor. I see other therapists regularly I am regaining my happiness that I had before. I am again looking forward no longer focused on the past.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/17/2014 8:21:42 PM

today was good I got lots done and even got to snuggle with my dominant for a while cuddling together warm and quiet. I never tire of cuddling my owner I cant wait for may when there will be more play time. I have rented 2 of my trailers for burning man this year already.

things are going well and looking better.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/16/2014 6:35:21 PM

I had a wonderful day today  I spent time with my mistress helping on a sewing project and then off to see the lego movie with my wife and kids I even managed to finish getting a 454 motor ready to pull out of a old rv for my boat cant wait to get that on the lake. I am getting excited as the annual burning man is coming up in sep and it will be even bigger than last year 70,000 attendees the big part of 38,000 tickets sold out in 44 min. this is the single happiest place on the planet for the week it is here. also this summe the army is sending my family to seward for a weekend getaway in ak  after that I will be visiting my daughter and her husband in tx before he goes to afgainistain.

I am owned by LadyAthena 15805 she loves me and my whole family that is all I need

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/14/2014 5:32:35 PM

for those that keep brining up my former relationship get this


I don't care I don't want to know she can be in what ever delusion she wants. don't relay to me what she is saying or how she is slandering me.

my new owner a very caring dominant loves me and I am looking forward not back.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/12/2014 8:03:32 PM

I had another wonderful day out with my owner and even had lunch with my wife together. it was a productive day for all and much done to benefit each of us. it was only a little cold but the warmth inside was more than enough to keep warm inside.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/9/2014 9:02:23 PM

my dominant is very caring She is helping my wife with doing a  budget and spending, this while our boys were doing some yard work outside.  it is a mark of great caring and concern that my Dominant would do this to help I have never felt such caring and concern before. I feel truly cherished and loved as I have never felt before and my boys are loved by Her as well I am honored to be called her boy

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


3/7/2014 6:23:31 PM

I had a wonderful day out with my Dominant today just errands and light shopping but it was enjoyable to spend the day being with and providing service to her opening doors and fetching things. had a very pleasant sit down lunch in reno nothing fancy just a in and out burger join,t but it was just a very pleasant and relaxing day out as I am still having difficulty processing pain I  am getting a great deal of enjoyment from simple service to my Dominant.

I have found myself much more jovial and happy of demeanor telling jokes and just being happy with life again.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


2/26/2014 8:30:03 PM

it has been several months since I left the dysfunctional and abusive relationship I was part of. I can talk more openly abut it but it is still very painful for me. I see counselors and therapists and I still can not process the pain as I once did. I know that in time I will regain it as I slowly heal from the abuse that I witnessed. abuse affects more than just the one being directly abused but to the children and in the lifestyle those owned as well. as a slave I can relate with the desire to protect my owner and being unable to help as I am not allowed to do so. the stress I was under by the time I left was tremendous and I had all but stopped eating losing over 30 lbs under 3 months my sleep was disturbed as I could hear the "Discussions" and any sound would wake me. most days are good but there are some that the pain of witnessing the abuse just brings me to a standstill, my guts in a knots and everything reminding me of the abuse. it is these days that I am so grateful for my owner that openly loves me and does not pressure me to do thing till I am ready, one that accepts me my wife and all my children with love. i know that one day i will be past all the pain from the abusive relationship i was part of and till then my owner will love and support me.

for i am owned and proud of it

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


2/23/2014 2:25:16 AM

I have been accused of being overly nice to show  my self as the good guy. I am not I am only being myself I really am very helpful and kind to the point of needing my owner to mind me of doing too much. I will help and offer to help any who ask and will willing to share any information that I have and I will happily look for what ever may help. i want to help all no matter who and ask nothing in return.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


2/15/2014 10:49:50 PM

it is truly a sad thing to see the decline of one that was once so revered and sought after and now is reviled by those once close. the hardest thing to do by those that truly care about them is to stop enabler and do nothing till they can see that they need help.

I am doing better but I still have days that are difficult to be able to stand for the pain that if felt inside but I will endure as I am truly loved and myself have much to love.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


2/14/2014 10:00:05 AM

I enjoyed going to the munch yesterday I always enjoy the company of other folks. there was no set topic but it went to how you were changed by a dynamic shift. mine was in not processing pain like I had before. this was such a big part of me and now it is difficult to do so I focus on my service and work on being happy. I still worry about my former owner and I know there is nothing more that can be done but be supportive and available. most days are better but there are still some that I am hard pressed to smile. I have a wonderful new owner and is helping me my wife that loves me and a house full of boys. I do have some wonderful things to be happy for.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


2/8/2014 10:53:22 PM

I enjoyed very much going  to the munch today I always enjoy being with folks and meeting more friends. it was a very enjoyable and relaxing time talking and enjoying each other. it is more than worth it to come all this way to be with so many welcoming folks.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


12/28/2013 7:22:17 PM

I am always here as a resource and will always answer calls for help no matter when or from who. this is the time of year that more attempts are made at suicide I urge all to know the signs  and be aware of those in remote locations. insomnia mood change and sudden change in energy level are worrisome.  one that is missed is a increase in energy as that is when they are most likely to make the attempt.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


12/28/2013 7:18:56 PM

I am always here as a resource and will always answer calls for help no matter when or from who. this is the time of year that more attempts are made at suicide I urge all to know the signs  and be aware of those in remote locations. insomnia mood change and sudden change in energy level are worrisome.  one that is missed is a increase in energy as that is when they are most likely to make the attempt.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


12/24/2013 10:14:27 PM

I hope al have as happy a holiday as I have and much more . for those that do not then I will gladly share my bounty with them as happiness should be shared to erase the sadness that abounds

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


12/13/2013 2:15:23 AM

I have found that the dread I had of coming up here has been abashed and now I am having a very wonderful time with friends and making more of them. I have found my happiness has returned and I am enjoying myself completely being allowed to help out here and have been baking a up storm . I have found I  am again wanting to play still not sure if I can process the pain to pleasure just yet but I know with my loving dominant I have I will be back to being a pain slut soon. I am glad of my good health and that my low t and cholesterol have gotten to proper levels again, im sleeping better and I am laughing and telling jokes again. I am happy with my submission and am very glad to have found my new owner and I can hardly wait to see the new collar that she has waiting for me. I know I can be proud of wearing it as my loving dominate owns me and loves not just me but my whole family adopted or not.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


12/10/2013 8:04:48 PM

I am enjoying my time here and being allowed to help out others while I am here. I am attending local meetings and meeting new folks and it is going very well. I miss my loving dominant very much she actually worries about not just me but my wife and kids even the adopted ones. the love and concern has helped very much as has the counseling I recived from Kathy labriola( http://www.kathylabriola.com/

). now I and others have seen what I was saying all along I am being accepted by more and becoming more happy again.

LadyAsboy  always littleclip


12/3/2013 10:25:56 PM

I find I miss being able to take pain as I once did, but I have hope that with time and trust I will again . I do miss the company of others in the community aside from the play I will have to endeavor to interact with more folks in the future to reaffirm the positive attributes of the community. in the meantime I am regaining my love of service and enjoying the praise from just doing nice thing for others kink or not. it  has been difficult for me but the road forward can not be travled without my getting back on my own feet and moving on.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


11/28/2013 3:23:41 PM

in jan the defense dpt will be starting a study on domestic and intimate partner abuse. this is in response to a 40% increase in reported cases. I fervently hope that the survey looks at more than just the physical abuse and includes the emotional, financial and psychological abuse rampant in the military. as a nurse I have seen first hand the devastation this abuse brings to spouses and other family members. I am encouraging any current or former military who are or have been treated like this to fill out the survey and let the dod know how much help is needed on this issue. there should not be punishment for this but treatment and understanding as any penalty would just make them hide it more and those affected more reluctant to report

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


11/22/2013 12:05:53 AM

my friend has invited me to the mid winter mask I am so excited to go and show off that I am a proudly owned slave serving LadyAthena(reno nv)

LadyAsboy always littleclip


11/20/2013 8:35:05 PM

I can hardly wait to see my friends again and show off that I am owned by a loving caring dominant. life is looking brighter and I will be spending a month in Oahu with my wife and kids

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


11/20/2013 6:13:25 PM

I am not hiding anymore I going out and back into the community I have a wondefull new owner that cares for me and protects me I am moving forward and am unashamed as I am not responsible for any but myself

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip


11/17/2013 9:35:45 PM

chi explained to me what it was that caused my banning.

I am looking forward very much to visiting friends and lots of happiness during thanksgiving

I am responsible for myself and not for another's problems.

LadyAsboy

always

littleclip 


11/15/2013 6:04:26 PM

I still do not fully understand the tos violation I was banned for as I never used a specific name in any posting. I am still here and will try to learn how to post better without guidance. as for my journey in submission I still am hurting from how callously I was treated by my last owner the way I was just cast aside and not defended made me feel so ashamed of my submission to her. the turmoil I felt in seeing it and knowing I was defenseless from others I felt so empty and cold alone.

now I have a loving dominant that has helped me to feel fulfillment again there is still pain and shame from my being abandoned but I will work to replace those memories of the pain with ones of true dominance and love with a caring

LadyAsboy

always littleclip


11/7/2013 6:00:12 PM

I am very happy with my new owner and I am healing from the shameful way I was made to feel having my supposed master cower like that before a common bully. now I am relearning submission and trust of my owner. I am very protective of my owner and will defend her with all that I am.

now serving LadyA


10/29/2013 7:40:23 PM

 she says I want to get back in her life but I can not offer my submission to someone that is not a dominant, nor a master that will not protect their property. that said I am here as a permanent friend when she calls when it gets too bad to bear. in the meantime I will call out him as a bully for what I witnessed him  do to her while I was there.  I serve a new dominant and am happy with her as she is a caring dominant and will protect me and will stand up to those that try to bully her or me.

just clip

 

 


10/13/2013 7:36:05 AM

I know she is still hurting from the release as she still strikes out at me . I can see the pattern continuing down the same path as before when something is taken from her a gift is given mostly in stuffed animals sometimes in allowances in the home. I can only sit and wait till things go bad to worse and am called to help

just clip


10/9/2013 7:50:12 PM

I will remain stalwart in the darkest hours and vigilant to respond to the call when it comes no matter how long it takes

just clip


10/8/2013 8:42:23 PM

no matter how long the night know I will always be here like the great northern lights I will be providing light in the darkest times

just clip


9/14/2013 11:22:58 PM

i used sacred ashes from a sacred fire to place a talisman for her to besech the great spirit to give protection to her in hopes it will bring ballance and harmony to her


8/5/2013 9:23:10 PM

i can not wach the progression to despair again and not be sucked in to it i must allow choices made to be and not stare at the impending train wreck. i will  answer calls for help but i will not enable others that want to harm me or others.


now LadyAsboy

always littleclip


8/2/2013 9:54:46 PM

the one thing i need of my domme to be is dominant. to see mine cower and shrink before another dom and allow another dom to direct her claimed property was shameful to me i can only wonder at what truth was so terrible and alful to cause that to happen. my new owner is dominate and is helping me to regain my happiness and not to be so worried for my previous one.

just clip


7/24/2013 10:15:43 PM

i had not realized how opressive it was for me i am nearing 4 months and am starting to tell jokes again and it feels good. i am still a long way from where i was and it will take some time to get back to a even keel. i am still very concerned and have dificulty sleeping but it will get better eventualy.

just clip


7/21/2013 12:18:56 AM

sleeping sucks as i hate the dreams i have they always end the same my being to late to help. nothing more can be done till a plea is made. i will always render help when requested. i will be most happy to go back to my new Domme she is helping me to learn to be happy again. i need my Dominate to be a dominate not sometimes be a sub to another. i am looking forward to getting my next attitude adjustment and cuddle with my new Domme as touch comforts me as well as grounds my submission. i am looking forward to doing lots of work when i get back as i can focus on doing that and not have as much time to think about things i can not change.

just clip


7/18/2013 11:23:36 PM

i belong to someone new now but i will always answer pleas for help and asstiance. my sleep debt is getting bad as i am seeing things out of the corner of my eyes my startle reflex is realy bad now most anything sets it off. i am hoping it ends  soon as i dont know how much more my body will handle.

just clip


7/15/2013 8:57:58 PM

it has been so long since i got more than 4 hjours of sleep i am starting to nod off during the day. my thoughts are all leading to one thing all my dreams wake me up with fear all my idle thoughts become the same. i have a way to end my stress but it will be hard for some to swallow ,if after that i am unwanted so be it i will walk away ,never to return.

still beloning to someone special

just clip


7/9/2013 9:37:38 PM

it is very hard to let go of someone you have become internaly bound to i do belong to another right now but there is a part of me that i dont think can ever completly let go. i still hurt inside and will likely do so for some time to come. i still cant bring myself to go to a local event. i am learning to be happy again it is slowly coming back as the depression diminishes.

i will always give help when it is asked for

just clip 


7/8/2013 12:27:50 PM

i have found a group on the other side that is hlping slaves with releasing their masters. it has alot of intresting discussions in it. i am very gratefull to the Doimme near me that is helping mw with my transition. it is very difficult to let go of someone but i know with time it will happen.

just clip

always here when needed


7/7/2013 9:16:18 PM

the rules have been applied to all now so thanks to the admins.

after seeing someone i know that the one i need to get closure is not the one but another. and it is not likely to ever happen. so i am having to find other ways to deal with my misery. the one has choice and i can only be available. it is only a matter of time till i am needed that is the hardest part just waiting. i would give anything to be wrong in this and be happy instead.

just clip

always here  when needed


7/7/2013 9:18:13 AM

 i am still getting over the loss of my last dynamic and the depression. i am still worried about someone and will always be a safe call for that person.  i still have disturbing dreams of that person and its only a matter of time till someone will be needed. i am seeing drs and counslors and therapists and all say the same thing make sure that that person knows there is a option and safty.

always here for that person

just clip


6/2/2013 9:29:22 PM

i know how it needs to be done now i just have to get it done. i am getting things at the house done the adoption is nearly done now i must get the cars back up to scratch too long without basic maintanince. my heart is so painful and wounded from the break i can not get past the pain and sorrow. i am loth to do what must be done but it must be heard. i will be hers forever

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6/1/2013 10:40:18 PM

how can i become un collared internaly it was traumatic to me to become so and now i cant help but belong to her i can not go an hour without my thoughts turning to her. i cant just stop being her property


5/31/2013 5:04:30 PM

my heart is empty and cold it is heavy and missing the part that her love filled i cant fill it i cant repair it it just sits there like a stone at the bottom of a cold dark cave waiting for the warmth of her touch to  bring the life back in to it it bleeds for her and will not stop beating for her it can do nothing but love her forever no matter what

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5/29/2013 9:00:48 PM

my life is in shambles my felings are cold and remote my horemone replacement is not going as well as could be i still cant have spontainous erections itmakes me more depresed i cant focus i cant sleep well if i do sleepi dont feel rested i cant help but to think of her and about her i dont have closure and will not listen to me on the threat to her health. i cant even conceive at this point of playing with another much less serving them. even seeing a play toy and i start to get upset and have to do something to distract myself.

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5/20/2013 5:28:21 PM

i will be available to her as long as i live no matter the cost distance or effort. i cant go to the store without seeing something and it reminds me of her and i get it so i dont break down and cry in the store. i would send money but he dosent like it so if there was some way to help or support her by proxy i would do so

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5/19/2013 11:53:49 AM

it is felt that i am a threat so i will take a knee and with a heavy heart and bowed head i will remain still untill called upon my last gift was the mothers day perfume.  i will make no contact direct or otherwise i will only be here to answer direct inquires.

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5/18/2013 6:56:45 AM

well just about ready to start driving to tx with lindy i hope to be back fri i hope to get some sleep sometime along the way. its hard sending off the first one .

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5/18/2013 2:20:26 AM

i am realy starting to hate the insomnia i dont know why i bother to get into bed it is just a wast of time i just lay there and run in circles in my head on what was said and done and it always is the same  when i dream it ends with me left alone in the dark cold dungon of no use to anyone and left unwanted  like debris from the work of play cast off from the players to the floor and ignored there steped over by all and not even given a kick gathering dust in my uslelessness curled up cold and alone. and i wake shivering  sweating and sad and lonely.my heart aches with the loss and fearing the dark i lay there staring at the fan going around and around getting nowere and just making wind in its efforts much like me. i do not know how to stop this feeling inside the start of it was traumatic but breif now it apears to be the oppisit long and alone with few to assist but those few are like a gem in the dark shining that much more for the surrounding dark for them i am gratefull for the anchorage to help me get to groung without getting lost

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5/17/2013 8:38:50 PM

i have seen it many times before and it never ends well. i hope beyond hope that this time i am wrong and it works out but the statistics are not good. all i can do is stay ready and be here when called as i know i inevatibly will be. my concern has been made and awareness raised that is all i can do, the rest will be as it will be.

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5/17/2013 4:58:09 PM

i have a 4000 mile drive to do so i will be offline for awhile i hope that all is well for all while i am gone i stand ready to answer at any notice

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5/17/2013 3:38:38 PM

concern was noted and awareness raised that is all  that can be done i will remain ready whenever i may be called. it was disheartining to hear that the play space was taken down because she was using it as her refuge from the world , it was what brought her much joy, but no more. i hope that joy finds its way to her. i can not play or even think of it and will likely be so for some time. i will be resigned to the one person that has reached out to me and offered to listen and help me. i will do the best i can and try to be happy

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5/16/2013 7:02:32 PM

what would you do if you saw someone being done wrong would you turn away saying its not my problem or would you act. would you endure the outragus insults and rage to ensure that one person to be done right or would you  just leave it alone and turn a blind eye to what is wrong. how far would you go if it was a stranger, how far if it was a close freind or family member.

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5/16/2013 9:10:18 AM

i am realy starting to hate the bed. i dont sleep much and what i do is filled with horrid dreams that leave me alone and cold waking up shivering and sweating i try to keep busy so as not to thyink about it but it always creaps back in and i am again in tears.

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5/15/2013 6:34:51 PM

i wish sometimes i was a top as they can just move on from a relationship to another. i am having a very difficult time in even moving everything reminds me of it the color purple a buckle and just looking at a events page and i am in tears i am not a light switch that can be turned off when ever . it is all i can do just to get out of bed and sil.e for the kids

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5/15/2013 3:12:09 PM

the closest i can come to  explaining how i feel is how it feels after a blast wave happens and before the pain is felt that stunned dazed feeling where you feel nothing. i have never had my heart broken before so this is a fisrt for me i have no idea how i will move past this as everything reminds me of her and even looking at the events page i break down i am going to drive to tx and back some 4000 miles i hope to be able to be of better company by the time i get back


5/13/2013 6:31:55 PM

my heart feels as if it has shrunk and can no longer maintain the demand i cant sleep much as the dreams all leave me alone in the dark cold dungon and i wake up cold and shivering even in 80 deg temps i cant seem to feel joy or happines i struggle from task to task just trying to keep moving .it feels as if there is a heavy weight on my chest i ahve to make one more call in the morning then it will be out of my hands then it wont matter anymore.the one formerly known as clip


5/11/2013 11:27:49 PM

i dont know why i continu to bother i cant enjoy sex without finding my thought on how i failed in the dynamic i cant fall asleep with out the same thought running through my mind on how miserablw i made her it was my fault im a failure worthless. when i do sellp the dreams are disturbing and end up my being alone and cold  ashamed   unwanted. i try to reach out but few answer most just say get over it and move on i am stumbling along without support and keep getting kicked aside


5/11/2013 2:15:28 AM

its 2 am and i cant sleep it is imposible to get to sleep with all thats running around my mind the feelings are many and strong the house is quiet but my mind is anything but each time i try to sleep i am back in the same rut of not being able to serve her and being left in the dungon alone and in the dark. the same darkness that is pulling at me to join it and stay.  i am strugling to find happiness and keep returning to the sadness and despair.

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5/10/2013 7:09:39 AM

the stupidest things make me cry now, i saw something purple and i started to completly sob crying uncontrolably not having a way of communicating with her is the most hurtfull thing i am completely cut off and alone i need to express my fellings and hurts so much i have a hard time not breaking down in front of the boys i have a counslor appt on sun i hope it will help

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5/10/2013 12:23:16 AM

i woke up crying for her only 2 hrs asleep and im up again it is getting to the point that i dont want to try sleeping anymore. there is none so blind as they that wont see i know that at some level she knows about what is realy going on but i can not make things seen by her i can only remain available and supportive for her no matter how long it takes


5/5/2013 8:36:16 AM

i am beginning to loathe going to bed anymore i cant get to sleep and i can only stay asleep for a few hours as all my dreams are of her not always ending in pain but always ending with my distress and i wake up and have a hard time getting back to sleep if i do get back to sleep at all. anymore its only about 4 hrs of sleep  a day. ever since i became internally enslaved to her she is what i dream about and think about and when i am not thinking of her something always reminds me of her again. it has been especially hard on me to know that it was not all of my doing for the dissolution of the dynamic but primarily his control issues and petty jealousy it was not a problem in ga as there he had soldiers to command and here there is no one for him and so he restricts her and all she does unless he controls it. that was the hardest part for me to see is her happiness smothered and crushed slowly and systematically and the withholding of sex and emotional intimacy for any thing that displeased him

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5/4/2013 9:05:28 PM

i talked with someone today about my pain and confirmed what i already knew about the real problem for the disolution of the dynamic. it did nothing to ease the pain and longing inside of me i know there is no way i can serve her until he has somthing to control but it does not reduce the longing i have to serve at her feet it is hard not to break down and cry when her memory crosses my mind it will be a long 9-12 monthstill he gets pcs orders and then a chance to serve again sleeping and eating are hard for me right now but i am trying


5/4/2013 12:51:05 AM

god why does it so much i cant stop the feeling of loss andemptyness inside i try to keep busy and not think but everything brings her back to mind and i am hard pressed not to cry on the spot. i cant sleep or eat properly  when i do close my eyes i see her and all that we did together. it fucking hurts too much i cant stand this shit

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5/3/2013 7:18:15 PM

well its my birthday im now 45 and i cant even bring myself to smile. i was invitedout to a local lifestyle event and just the thought of going out made me cry and the hurt worse. i know i have to get past this pain it is just very hard and everything seems to bring memories of her and all that we had experinced. i know what part i had in the disolution but i know that that was not the entire cause of it but i am not able to make otheres see what is there. and that is were my frustration and anxiety arose from. i am workingto where i can try to talk to him about this but my lack of assertiveness is obvious. i promised to give her 25% of my pay and 50% of any winnings or gifts to her and so i will for as long as i live and then it will be her that they bring the flag to not my wife.

 

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5/2/2013 9:45:01 PM

today i tried to work enough so i would not feel as much for the loss but all it has made me is have sore muscles and still such a heavy weight that i feel is weighing on my heart. i even did i doubble red cell donation at the blood bank and it did not help. whats worse is part of my therapy i have to confront the hidden anger i had inside me and actualy talk to him about what i was feeling and why, asertiveness is not my strongest suit but i have to adress this issuue in order to progress forward. i do recognise that i can not serve her untill he has someone or something to control. right now she has a wonderfull dungon and that is bringing her happiness so that is a success at least in some small part. 

 


5/1/2013 8:04:34 PM

god it hurts. as part of my therapy i had to identify my hidden anger and frustration with the previous dynamic to uncover what was wrong. it was so good in ga and in ak it was not so in examining things i came to realize i was not the only one that had passive agressive issues in the dynamic. i still have to work on my asertiveness to where i can adress it directly but till then i have to try to get through this aful pain and longing i have inside it makes it so much worse that i could not have altered the outcome if i could have done anything diffrent. i keep finding myself looking toward the dark place and wanting to stay in there. one thought is of getting deployed and not coming back but that would be selfish and so i will continue on and try to work through this greif.

 

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5/1/2013 2:13:08 AM

cant sleep hard to eat constantly think about her how things could be better what could be changed always on her and it keeps me up and makes me sad as i can never find anything that i could do to fix anything or make it better somehow.


4/30/2013 2:58:12 PM

i wish i couls show what i feel on the inside the emptyness and longing how much i feel for the lossof her in my life. it is suprising just how much someone means to you just how much meaning they provide in your life till it is removed. there is not one hour that i do not have my thought going to her and the ache begins anew


4/29/2013 2:59:08 PM

its hard knowing how hard i tried and was unsucessful i find it hard to resist just going in to the dark place and not leaving but i force myself to get up and go outside but i find no joy anymore the zest for doing things has gone i know how much i love and care for my one but to hear it said i do not was harsh to hear. i know what can fix the dynamic but it is not in my power to do so so i sit in silence in my room and weep for my one and the loss in my soul

 

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4/29/2013 8:57:11 AM

i feel adrift like a bottle cats intothe ocean the pain inside is imense i want to lash out with it but i cant so turning it inside and want to hurt myself skip meals work harder than i need to in a futile attempt to hide from the pain inside the emptyness inside weigs heavy and threaten to pull me under and drown me in it i dont have many that i trust with my heart and i may never do so again as i could not bear the pain again

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4/29/2013 2:11:02 AM

geting older and erectile dysfunction caused by low testosterone being addresed that will take some months to stabilized had thought is was caused by my adhd meds. my inability to fully perform and have a ejaculation caused some to feel undesired. i have started counsling to help with my passive agressive learned behavior. my sadness from loss is great i will always have her in my heart and in my mind

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