littlebitlonesom

hmm poly ... is there one person out there that can show me the serene languorous smile of a submissive that i guided to subspace? or the savage glory in the eyes of a Man at seeing me at His feet begging for more? or the laughter of shared mischief that a submissive and i have pulled on the Man? or the anticipation and excitement of discovering the keys that sends a new(to me) submissive into that elusive(for me) subsapce? can one person give me that contentment, that wholeness, that peace?

if so, then .. no i am not poly and i would be deliriously happy to spend the rest of my life with that person. However, there is no such being, so then ... yes i am poly.

for me in a monogomous relationship there is always a part of me that i must repress and at this point in my life i find i no longer have the will not the inclination to repress who/what i am ...  does that make me a "cheater"? does that make my relationships not "true"? ~shrug~ i know not and to be honest i care not, i live my life by a few simple rules the main one being ... an ye harm none do as ye will .... i can not say i have always succeeded but i have always tried to live by that and i like myself.

the following is an excerpt from an article written by a friend of mine ... it captures the essense of me .. lilbit.  


I do not think I could seek that pain as a means in itself. Even knowing what peace it might bring, I think I would find it daunting to actively seek the lash and agony of its promise. What gives me the inner strength, even a compulsion to experience it is the knowledge that in so doing I am pleasing someone who means more to me than anything else in my life.

I get such an overwhelming sensuous rush from knowing I am giving him pleasure ? that he is experiencing something intense and incredibly compelling that I truly believe that he could strip the skin from muscle and fibre, rend me with his bare hands until nerve endings screamed and that atavistic part of me sighed defeat. That feeling ? that the pain is merely a tool and a way to pay homage to him who I adore ? is what separates me I think from a pain slut and makes me instead, a masochist.