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| What it means to be HIS
to give oneself over fully to Him. to give your will, wants, desires, needs, fears, strengths, and weaknesses over to Him to let Him mold you into what He wills, wants, desires, and needs from one's self.
to be standing on the edge over looking a great valley from a cliff so high and steep and sharp. To know that as you feel yourself falling right over the edge of something so terrible, and yet surrender to those fears, knowing that if you teeter to far forward, He will wrap His arms around you and pull you back, be it through discipline or soft carresses, strict, almost harsh voice or kind loving words.
to trust that through it all He is refining me for His Honor. to believe that His words are true, where others lied, His actions are pure where others were stained, to know He believes in me where others failed me.
to know that this belonging of His is most precious. to know ALL He does to, for and with me is because i am His and He loves me.
to know i am...finally...HOME!!
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just because sometimes He just needs to hear that i love Him...need Him and want to be here for Him...
i love You
i need you
i want to be here
for you!! <kisses her Daddy's feet and smiles up at Him> |
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just to clarify...since i haven't journaled in a while and i was wondering in a previous journal entry if all would fall apart...it didnt.
i am still with my Daddy and He loves me very much. i would not do anything to risk that. if a Dom e-mails me, i do forward that on to Daddy. that is just the way it is. please remember that when you e-mail me. |
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things are going so well...i wonder if that is good or if it is going so well that it will fall apart sooner or later...
Daddy wants me to ask Him a few of my many feelings questions...and some of them i am wondering if it is too soon to ask...and yet they wander in and out of my thoughts and i want to ask them.
i do so love Daddy!! He makes me feel like i am a princess and yet i willingly and gladly submit to His authority as the King of my life. is it too soon to feel this way? |
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oh how i have missed my Daddy!! He has been away for just a few days but it feels like forever. i feel as if time is going sooooooooooooo slowly even though it is really passing so fast. why do i even engage in this duality of thought? Daddy will be here soon enough and that is really alllllll that matters!! |
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i get so annoyed when a Dom sends me ridiculous e-mails. come on, when you read my profile and it says i am seeking a sub/slave to play with my Daddy and me, one would think that would mean that i have a Daddy!! Dont e-mail me to say "Hi, it's your Daddy" it is just insulting.
if i get many more, which i have only recieved a couple but dont want to field them at all, i will have to speak with Daddy regarding whether i can recieve e-mails from strangers or if i should lock my inbox so i cant recieve them at all.
on a different note, i do miss my Daddy...wish i could see Him more often. miss His scent, kneeling at His feet, feeling His strong hands on me, whether in discipline, or in a deep caring carress. oh the joys of having SomeOne to love. i am truly blessed!! |
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mmmm...Daddy is coming to visit me this weekend. cant wait to see what He has is store for me this time. I do so enjoy spending time with Daddy!!
Daddy makes me feel so overwhelmed in love and in everything else He chooses to shower me with! HE does take good care of me.
i dont know where i would be without such a Daddy !!
Daddy's baby girl,
lilmissattitude |
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WOOHOO...Daddy came all the way up here to see me last week. oh what fun i had.
Daddy just shows me every time i see Him, why i love Him so much!! it was the best vacation i have had in years.
Daddy's baby girl,
lilmissattitude
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mmm...i am soooo tired, and yet the thought of going out and dancing or chatting with a friend can definitely help get me energized.
i cant wait to see Daddy again...soon, very soon. Daddy helps to keep me sane in my not-so-very-sane world. to feel His touch as well as His voice excites me like nothing else. add eye-contact and i seem to be a pool for Daddy to dip in as He pleases.
<smiles for Daddy>
Daddy's baby girl,
lilmissattitude |
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okay so this week at work wasnt much better than the last. however, Daddy did help me to de-stress and remember again it is just a job. kneeling at Daddy's feet helps me remember that i am here to serve and honor Daddy!! and that helps me breathe again.
oh how i will miss my marks this week...and more than that i will miss the closeness of Daddy being near me, and me being near Daddy, there for Him!
<blows kisses to Daddy>
Daddy's baby girl,
lilmissattitude |
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hmmmm...and the week goes on...lol...oh my does it ever stop?
well just work and trying to figure out some bigger things in my life...like how to get the experience i need for my future and how to get education to fit into all of that. i really do want to go back to school. need to sit down and work out how i can do all of this at the same time. hahahaha
work is just work anymore and the most important things are Daddy and family. i just need to remember that multiple times during every waking moment <giggles> and i will be just fine.
<blows kisses to Daddy>
Daddy's baby girl,
lilmissattitude |
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well this has been a rough week at work. thankfully, i have a Daddy that can and does help me through it. sifting through the frustration and irritation to the root issue and helping me figure out how to move on from there.
i miss Daddy terribly when i am away from Him. it seems so long between visits sometimes. this one will be. <sighs> a couple more weeks before i can see Him again. oh well. i am sure it will be soooo worth it when i do see Him.
it was nice of Daddy to let me go out last night and i really enjoyed seeing an old friend who i have barely talked to in months. it was even nicer that Daddy waited up for me to get home so we could still go to bed together..hehehe...via the phone.
His baby girl,
lilmissattitude |
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Spent this weekend with Daddy. what a beautiful weekend. Daddy made it so special for me. When He looked me in the eyes and said "Mine!!", His hands intertwined in my hair...i knew i was His. and will be for a long time to come.
He made me feel so good, even when it hurt. <smiles shyly at Daddy> thank you for that. for somehow knowing what i need, whether it be a gentle touch or a hard swat or something else entirely.
i love melting into Him and feeling that we are one. knowing i am His to do with as He pleases. enjoying when He uses me just as much as when it is tender and loving between us.
no time or place to tie me up and beat me...lol...but there will be other times for that.
<kisses for Daddy>
His baby girl,
lilmissattitude |
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what a month...lol...lots more responsibilities at work keeping me very busy. and Daddy keeps me busy too. that makes me so very happy.
<smiles>
i get to go see Daddy tomorrow. He does make me sooo happy. i feel whole again after being with Him and pleasing Him. it helps me to face my oh so fun job and family responsibilities with a fresh attitude.
this will be a fun weekend. i have been counting the days and now the hours. <smiles at the thought that it is just over 13 hours now. hehehe. wonder what Daddy has planned for me this weekend. we shall see soon...very soon.
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mmmmm...just got home from spending the night with Daddy. He is soooo wonderful to me. He makes me feel so protected and loved when i am with Him. kneeling at His feet or curled up in His arms, it doesnt matter, as long as i am where He wants me to be.
He took care of me in a way i thought i would never have again. my migraines are a bear when they come on and i try to pretend they arent there when i am around others. i hate to bring everyone "down" or whine about my pain when so many others have so much more than i.
Daddy helped me through it. it was beautiful. it made me love Him even more. that He wants to take care of me is what makes it so wonderful. He makes me so happy. and although i do tell Him, i hope He really believes HE does!!
its funny how after i leave Him, all i want to do is turn around and go back again. like just one more touch from Him will make the rest of the world seem live-able again. its odd how i think "back to reality" on my way home from Him. i know my time with Him is very real, the feelings are very real, both physical and emotional. and yet it seems i am in some fantasy world when i am with Him. like everything else has melted away and all that is left is Daddy and me.
then i come home and reality hits. and i think just X number of days till i am in Daddy's presence again. till i am His to do what He will to me again. and although i am His all the time, being with Him in the physical since...being able to feel Him touch me in any way He sees fit is the reality i want to meld with my day to day reality.
mmmmm...there i go wishing on a star and fantasizing again. hehehe. such a romantic i am being. lol.
<smiles and kisses for Daddy>
Daddy's baby girl,
lilmissattitude
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Daddy's back. yay!!!! its funny how even though i got to talk to Daddy every evening while He was gone, i still missed Him so. mmm...there was something aphrod1te said in the chat room one night...she said "you may cum" were the most wonderful words in the english language. close...i do love to hear "cum for me".
the most wonderful words when used honestly and appropriately are "i love you". these are often used too early in a relationship or just thrown out to hold on to someone...or said as an afterthought.
When i heard Daddy say them...i cried. i had been feeling the same way for a lil while, but was so scared that perhaps i was seeing more in our relationship then He. now that isnt to say i dont still wonder if i said it to early, or if i should hold back on saying it now i feel it in every part of me...in every corner of my heart, mind, body and soul. but is there a "right" time to say it...?
wow...how i got from i missed Daddy to is there a right time to say "i love you," i dont know.
well i have read a post that scares me about this experiment Daddy wants me to do wth Him. the post on the message boards is "has this ever happened to you?"
i shiver and remember that Daddy loves me, and that He would protect me from this harm. but this is the one thing that i have feared when Daddy first told me He may want this. Daddy has reassured me. so i suppose it is time to trust again.
how is it so easy for me to trust Him with my body, and yet so hard for me to trust my heart to Him. so hard to think that any one Man could love me enough to do this kind of thing and still want to be with me.
i have to go. will post some more this week.
<smiles for Daddy>
Daddy's baby girl,
lilmissattitude |
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had a crazy day at work and then another at home after work. all i wanted to do was curl up at Daddy's feet and listen to Him talk to me.
so that is what i did. being at Daddy's feet ready for Him to tell me what He needs is a wonderful feeling. i do so enjoy it. i cant wait to see Daddy again.
<smiles and kisses for my Daddy> |
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mmhhmmm...there are things about me that i am just finding out. the thought of being tied up and beat with a belt was like out of a horror film just a few short months ago. and why on earth would anyone sit at her "Master's" or "Daddy's" feet when she could be doing something she wanted to do was a question i would have asked just a year ago. and why would anyone call her "guy" Master or Daddy? and yet here i am...
Oh my saints, how i wanted Him to beat me. i love sitting at Daddy's feet, while He reads a book or plays a game or just watches tv. i want to please Him as i have wanted to please no one before Him.
Daddy tied me up and took a belt to me this weekend. i was scared. i was anxious. i was nervous. i was soaking wet with anticipation. and when He did and it lasted such a very short time, i thought i had done something wrong. when i told Him that i expected more, He happily obliged. which isnt quite what i meant. and yet...
it was even more entoxicating when He knew i would take whatever He wanted to do to me. He told me to hold on instead of tying me up. i think He was testing me to see if i would. and while i wanted to let go...i really didnt want to let go. while i wanted it to stop...i hoped it wouldnt. and when He held me in His arms after and i just breathed in His scent...i was so calm. all was calm and somehow right with the world even if for just those couple hours.
how ironic it is, that being held "captive" even in your own mind...can free you in a way being free to do as you please never will.
i think i will just wither away if Daddy never does it again.
-Daddy's baby girl, lilmissattitude |
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well...just another day in paradise here. I am so looking forward to having the weekend off. can't wait to see SomeOne. i seem to be rushing the week. i am trying to balance family, work, and still keep my focus where it needs to be.
my heart and mind have been a mess for years and am finally starting to figure out what i am and where i want to be. this, i feel, has only just begun and is a journey i must take knowing not where it leads.
it's funny how you can talk with people about where you are and they hear you and they really want to hear you, but dont really hear anything your heart is crying out to say.
how do you say i am broken, so that one knows you are. how do you say i am yours, when you dont know who you are? the journey i speak of is not one i am scared of. I am anxious to take this journey after years of not knowing myself. but i am scared of where it will take me..am i ready to go there?
will i be what He needs? can i be molded? i am sure i can, but will i let myself go there? He tells me where to go and i am there, but did i do it because i was told to or because i willing to give Him everything?
just a few deep thoughts that i didnt know i had...breathe, and tell Him!
<smiles for my Daddy> |
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