LilithJezebel

Ive stuck with my New Years Resolution this year. It was to become more stronger and less fearful/scared/paranoid/etc... And Im proud of myself. But with this, comes a lot more changes about me.

Im developing "switch" tendencies. And no, I dont mean as in "Oh, Im submissive to males and dominant to females", a thing many women tend to say. Its just the person in general. Not for whats between their legs, on their chest, whatever. Just by personality, do I want to switch. Its all a weird new thing to me.

Back to my goals, thing... Ive done it and worked on it because Im naturally filled with anxiety and panic and at really strange times, paranoia. No, Im not paranoid all the time, or let alone half the time. Its just a few times a year. So I started working on my fearlessness. The good news is that I havent had a panic attack or anything in six months. Ive just been confronting myself and telling myself some words of encouragement, as well as some shut the hell ups when I put myself down. Cheesy, but it works. It just takes time, Ive realized.
But now, Ive just become into this whole mindset of "Just go out there and do it. Dont regret it now. Maybe regret it later, if you feel like shit because things went wrong, but just shut up and do it."

Some friends of mine have been nice enough to say that because I havent had anyone to actually master/dominate/top me, Ive become this way to myself. And I thought some more about it, and I agree.

I like challenges. And I like having fun. A lot of things are just adding up to me "switching" now. Especially curiousity. Its really just a lot into the mixture making me feel this way...
And I will be honest, the reason most being that I havent had fun in years, because I break doms and what nots above me, in which I vent rant and get upset because I keep with the luck of the lazy ones. Or in my recent discovery, for the first time, a new to the community, thinks he is everything and cant be denied and everyone should worship him, etc, kind of wanna be dominant.

Okay so thats enough of that.
Im curious. And after fourteen years of slave tendencies, here I am...

Oh joy, this is going to be an interesting adventure. :P

Soft purple... Hmm... Kinda not too bad. Anywho, its not the point! Going on...

I just dont seem to have luck sometimes. So, back to my profiles I flee. Not sure where else to go, since I have luck with creepers and whispering gossiping women... As if online is any better?
So Ive once again landed in a breakup. I dont mind providing any service to a guy glued to a game. I just guess he was too much of a beginner for me. Haha.
Heres the odd part... I felt not needed enough. I mean, as in slave service ways. I served the most I could. But it wasnt much. It just wasnt fulfilling. I felt more like I was shelf kept, which I find boring.
I want to be put to use or I wander away, like it or not.

So Im out there and about again... Not through the local groups or anything. They seem too much like high school cliques...
But my luck has left me like a kitty in a dark alley. Im being chased by older people who want to keep me for their own, and dogs who just want to tear this kitty apart and go on, after nothing is left.

Well, thats the depressing news.
But a lot of good has happened too.

My most exciting venture is the loss of anal virginity... I like the word virginity. lol... So that is going beyond well, and even better with my playmate.
Ive also won second place in a pinup model-off. Which is pretty good if you seen how many entered.
Ive also gotten my own place and have attained my gothicky wardrobe back, completely. It makes me feel good. :)
My hair is at least half way down my back now. And Ive reached and maintained my perfect shade of red.
Ive reached a healthier lifestyle, with plenty of exercise. I have PCOS, and it was hard but Im finally losing some weight.
Ive kept a friendship with someone special, who is big, important and special. He's like my guardian angel. Except the sarcasm.
Ive landed, with my ex, on his websites front page for a while there, from the concert back in May 2011. Im mentioned in several other odd areas too. Makes me feel special. What can I say?
Ive stopped caring for a lot of negative that people have to say, and other areas of myself.
And the list goes on...

But its been months since Ive updated. And a lot longer that Ive done anything exactly fun. Im out of time to type, but most likely will update some things, some more, later.

Im sleepy. Need cuddles. Gotta run. Must attempt later. Out.