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***update*** As of August 1 2005 this one has been taken...
hello A/all! i am fairly new to the lifestyle am looking for a Mentor to help me along the way with the journey...
that is the question, i guess i am seeking a answer to that one. someone to push my limits while discovering new ones along the way.
***update*** as of as of august 1 2005 this one has been taken....
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Well,
Seems my Beloved One does have a login, since He just made it since i woke Him up but no profile...BeautiesDeviant well, i wouldnt say WOKE...but um, respectfully nudged? And he wasnt angry about it, actually He had been planning to make it since i had Him visit the sites to read my journal.
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Gods below, does anyone ever read these things anymore! lol i am TAKEN...i have no reason not to make friends in the BDSM..believe me i need them...but i dont need a Master/Mistress...i would like a mentor, a friend someone i can ask questions of...*wonders if she should wake Him up now and respectfully beg for him to make a profile* *laughs* anyway no offense to A/anyone..but yes i am taken...well cared for, loved, and treated like the submissive i am.
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Greetings A/all yet again, i havent had the time to write cause ive been sick over the last couple of months and suffering from a extreme case of insomnia, which of course im suffering from now, as we speak. My Master will be over in the morning, and i have not even really cleaned up lol we have stuff sprawled all over the place, well, i dont have much to say im still very much in love with Him, He is my all. He is my very soul and i cant live without Him in my life, i cant breathe cant think correctly. i think He knows all this though. There is other stuff, but it is not for this journal. As i would tell Y/you all, my Dom switches and i hold the reins and it makes for interesting pillow talk afterwards. i will create a new screen name, with a more appropriate handle to discuss it there....
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well, its been awhile today is 11-21-05 thought id type in this thing and give A/all who care a update. i got both of my most cherished Ones sitting next to me, one playing disney and the Other eating, the smaller one is talking ramdom thoughts about me not sleeping to my Other, and its kinda funny,actually, im like totally sleepy and content, He finally purchased my symbol of Ownership *smiles* i wear it all the time, except when im at work i think those things would not be tolerated there, but i just strap it around my ankle or place it in my backpack and take it now whereever i go hold it and look at it, amazed that i could actually have it and it mean something to me...i wear it to sleep, *ssh* dont tell Him that though! but now that i have it what do i do with it? i thought it would be all clear, as with all things, im still a little confused as into what i could possibly do to please Him in all things? W/we were talking last night as i was in the tub taking to Him, as he was ranting about me staying up all late, and sleeping in the tub, as i am wont to do sometimes, cause i like it...so five minutes of Him basically telling me off, in no Domly fashion, about how bad it was for me...but its the best sleep i have when i need deep healing sleep in a short timeframe. I also told Him that i dont wish to irritate Him in anything, and how deep this fear of displeasing him in any way goes through me, i guess thats like a subby thing...lol...i think He would not understand it too well. Tonight, i took the time to make Him dinner when He came home tonight, i asked for his keys under the pretense of playing WOW, (which, incidentally was one of the reasons, my other smaller cherished one wanted to come over) (oh, wow is World of Warcraft) i sat down and played for a few but really i was worried over the dinner issue, would He like it? i dont know, ive only cooked for Him once, and at that time i didnt care i would have eaten it all by myself, but anyway back to thread of thought i was saying earlier, what could i do? i have given him that which i never have given anyone else, my submission, only in my dreams have i ever thought, sometines i wonder, does He take it seriously? or as my boyfriend, fufilling his girlfriends personal fetish with D/s relationships? i mean, it has happened before. Im pretty sure it would had happen again. When He is gone i miss him, i miss him when he is not at work, (makes for good make out sessions in the corner of the building, since we work together at the same place as well) His voice *sighs* almost as soothing as my other cherished ones. But back to my own dilemena what can i do? my submission is real to me. im almost afraid to ask. *smiles* its a good thing that He reads my submissions into my journal. On a side note, W/we are beginning my exploration in the realm of anal sex, He has two size plugs which He interchanges when i am in His prescence, it feels nice but after awhile it burns still,im am thinking (due to some research) my internal splincter in my anus is currently what is my problem, W/we have talked about fisting as well, which holds that kind of facinated horror you reserve for horrible car crashes when you see ER vehichles and bodybags...*shrugs* i dont know...i would like to ask Him. But i am afraid for the answer. i have not really knelt as His feet yet! *unexpected horror and gasp* kneeling, clasping my hands and extending my arms over my head and lowering it and speaking those magickal words "i belong to You in all things, my body mind and soul" beh. as He would say, i am reading too much into too little.and stressing over nothing, as usual. i took a quick peek at his inbox and by accident i found a letter as i thought the email i sent had went into drafts, Gods know i shouldnt be typing this but i would tell him anyway. Drafts totally need to be deleted i would tell Him that once i am through. So, i found this letter, and it said Baby, blah blah blah blah. something like that, now, this side of me is purely the girlfriend side/ that one that is slowly coming to heel under the sub side. Shantell, i briefly remember Him saying something about this girl a long time ago, and apparantly they had just had a row over someting stupid. i couldnt help but wonder what it was, because curiousity has always been my achillies heel. but of couse, i am thinking that i should at least be given some kind of reprimand lol...okay....maybe not cause it was a pure accident! on a happier note He is now ranting about his cell phone charger acting up and not charging-good stuff...well, its getting late and i still have to drive home...so be well A/all and have a good night!!!
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Well A/all, here i am, *giggles happily* i found a Dom. He is r/t and very Good to me. i really enjoy O/our time together, W/we havent really gone with the real time yet, but W/we have has some mini sessions, He knows how freaking scared i am! but mostly W/we spend time together, and the submissive in me wants to kneel at His feet forever and ever but He says im not ready yet. And it is His decision, in the end. But i am waiting for the go ahead, He says W/we should take it slow for the collaring, He wants to know if i am ready, i say i am ready, but He shakes His head no, and says no, i am not ready, which causes me to pout sometimes but i trust in Him implicitly. W/we do vanilla stuff like go shopping at ikea...lol or go out to eat and to the park. Gods, i could just drown in those penetrating eyes, they make me feel totally exposed and naked all the time. shh....dont tell Him that. He might take it literally....lol i honestly feel love for Him. is that too weird? ive been in love before i feel im heading that way...it scares me sometimes to know i feel this way for a person who might not feel that way for me. what is wrong with me? thats so stupid. im going crazy..help!!! |
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Hmm. I dont have much to talk about. still searching, i suppose having a computer fixes all that...lol. |
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ACK!! where have i been? what have i been doing alllll this time!!! i am truly sorry A/all...(my sincerest apologies) but my computer went haywire..and i cannot afford to fix it...sometimes its works....and sometimes it doesnt...but...also i have been really completely sick and in the bed. to use the pc that would require me getting out of the bed, and that would result in my throwing up a couple of really useful internal organs along the way. so i am back, and will be replying to all the emails so M/many of Y/you have sent me! i do appreciate it all. so it will take me a couple of days to do it as i am technically not back at full strength yet, and between breathing treatments and damn if i cant quit smoking....::sighs:: it would prollly be a lot easier to heal. but i am back at work and have to deal with them only paying me a 1.34 for disability pay ::growls:: so basically i am working for free. but enough...i come here to get away from all those things.... Be well A/all! |
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well here we are again. aol and i didnt see eye to eye on some things. right now i am on vacation, which means for four days i sit in my house, watch on demand movies and wonder should i make my bed. right now its like 90 degrees outside and ten o clock at night. my mind is filled with half formed fantasies about meeting some Dom/me like right now and submitting in each possible and plausible way They could think of. that excites me. but, since i have been away for a long long time. what else can i say? |
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Well, this is my first entry...wow, i never dreamed i would get a such a response from People! I guess that is a good thing right? As of today, i am checking my messages and responding to A/all who have sent me messages, Thank You!
*thinks* *hmm, journal*
Oh yeah, journal entrys. I might not have much to say now. Except i am excited *in more ways than one* to see where this journey leads. I have put it off for far too long.
I do have children and i know that might cause complications with some Dom/mes but that just means we arent compatible. that worries me though..will i ever find The One who will bring me to full submission? i think about it all day..lol i know that isnt funny, and it sounds desperate but on the other hand, i am content to wait. |
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