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Wow, this section is getting harder and harder to write. Carol and I are... vanilla? We don't do SM. We don't do elaborate play of any kind. We don't scene. We do not have rituals and protocols. WIITWD is not sexually based. I no longer think we are a part of the BDSM world although I still love having alternative friends of all stripes... including those from the BDSM camp. I retain a profile here in part to keep contact with those friends and in part because whether or not I myself am BDSM, I'm fascinated by relationships in general... especially those unlike my own.
Now that I've said what we are not, what we are is pretty simple. We are a married couple where I make all the decisions... including many decisions that would normally be outside the scope of vanilla-land such as "adding a 3rd to our marriage". I'd be tempted to call it a TPE dynamic but that is probably going to conjure up BDSM imagery and a bunch of mental constructs that don't fit us.
How about... "We're a bossy husband and a giving wife who are profoundly happy in our marriage." We have been happily married for 15 years and it only seems to be getting better year after year. I'm pretty sure that in another few years we're both just going to implode from too much joy.
Other than that, we live on Vancouver Island in British Columbia, Canada. For you locals, it's Langford. We enjoy a varied life that includes a lot of the things you'd expect from someone in our socio-economic bracket. In short, think white-bread suburban and you've got us nailed. Well, me nailed anyway. She's definitely a bit darker and kinkier than I am. For her, you can think "alternative art-chick caught in suburban hell" and you wouldn't be too far off *laughs*.
Power exists, and those who have it make the rules - David Weber
Dominance, like gravity, is real. It does not require anyone to consent, acknowledge or agree. There is no negotiating with it. It is it's own justification and purpose. - me
A friend posted the following poem in response to an answer I gave on the boards. Yes, this poem pretty much describes how I view and value a potential partner. To me, these are the important questions. Compared to these, things like "will you obey" are beyond trivial.
The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting
Your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
For love, for your dream,
For the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life's betrayals,
Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain,
Mine or your own,
Without moving
To hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy,
Mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty
Even when it is not pretty every day,
And if you can source your life
From its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure,
Yours and mine,
And still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes!" It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
Weary and bruised to the bone,
And do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
In the center of the fire with me
And not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
From the inside
When all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone
With yourself,
And if you truly like the company you keep
In the empty moments.
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