God is a comedian playing to an audience who are just too afraid to laugh.
This life, this body, is a joke. Attractive. Ugly. Big. Small. Just words.
Who are we, in this life?
Are we our physical bodies, or transcendant to that? Are body and mind concepts only truly realized through their relation to other bodies, other minds?
Is it my size, or yours, that makes me "fat"?
Or "thin".
Am I "dark" skinned because you are "light", would I be "light" skinned if you were "dark"?
I'm not into normativity. I don't judge. I don't compare. People are what and who they are, no more, no less.
The body is only flesh.
When we get beyond these primal associations we find something more fulfilling.
A REAL LIFE.
I'm sure this isn't what you were expecting to read.
But hey, I'm not here seeking acceptance. I'm here seeking submissive/slave men and women for service in a poly household. Everything else about me is unimportant.
I watch. I listen. I see the world as it truly is.
My home is a haven in a place that is often superficial, plastic, and contrived.
I'm tired of fakeup, dye, and clothing strategically placed to make women look like prostitutes. If these things make you feel empowered, move on. I'm not into plastic empowerment.
I'm into disempowerment.
Because it is only by taking the power away from our created beliefs that we are able to simply BE.
For the rest of you, here is everything you need to know about me:
I'm 31 years old. I live in Ontario Canada. I have green eyes and black hair. I am "ambiguously brown". I'm five foot ten. My measurements are 43-35-38. 38DD. My sub is 5'9". He weighs 130. He's very thin.
Neither one of us really cares about the gender of the people we surround ourselves with, or sleep with, provided there is a connection.
Just having a good laugh at the people who think this is a kinky sex site today....okay obviously it IS but I mean the ones who think it's mfc dot com or something lol. I'm not a cam whore, or any kind of a whore, I'm the real deal. And if you boys want a little pain wit yer pleasure, I'm down....
why the hell would i expect to get paid for something i enjoy....
besides, I have money....it's a foot rub i NEED :D
all the love
xoxoxo
KittySweet
I LOVE MISCONCEPTIONS, TRULY
Azzie has a thing for pain, and sometimes this can be a problem. If I won't hurt him, darlings, he'll hurt himself. The unfortunate effect being that he scars easily and can make himself look quite....unfortunate.
A woman railed me out "poor baby, you shouldn't be so hard on him, poor little thing, he's too young for you"...things I have heard before.
Darling, if I hadn't been so hard on him, he'd be dead. A drug addict's grin is like a jack 'o' lantern's: seemingly cheery but ultimately full of hollowness and holes. One day he screamed out "I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! NOBODY HAS EVER ASKED ME BEFORE, OKAY! FUCK!!!" and fell to the ground, sobbing. THAT was pain. Nobody can take that kind of pain away from you. You can't say, here is my pain, and draw a circle around it, and slowly learn to bring it into you, like you can with the physical shit.
I think those people who say cutting is suffering, have never really suffered. Torture isn't about physical pain, it's about waiting for more torture. About being isolated, alone. Crying out for your mama and having nobody come to your rescue.
And those people who say I torture, do not know me. Life tortures. I set free. Free to be ruled, be useful, be a part of something....bigger than onself.
A relationship is a hive that can have many workers but only just one queen.
Well, and one drama queen, i SUPPOSE, if I must endure him :D
Another sleepless night. The cat got out, and I'm worried about hiim in this weather. I hope he isn't sick or injured. Oddly, when I was sitting at the window I saw one of my neighbours running down the alley. It was like midnight, a little late for a jog! It's funny the things you stay when you stay up past a reasonable hour.
And it's funny how little sense your posts start to make, hehe.
Not sleeping is great for surreal writing.
Someone told me today that I am a lucky girl, because he had seen my sub, and how goodlooking he is. I thought, how fucking stupid is that. Men want me every day, for various reasons vanilla and otherwise...but to find someone who wants to spend their life with you....who wants to be there for you....who you can talk to ..... and trust, that is more difficult.
And in that sense, I am not lucky. Not lucky at all. And it reminded me of the time before my accident, when I was a model, beautiful, desired, blah, blah, blah, and people would completely discount my problems when I had them. LIfe was probably easy for me, because I was pretty. And they would not only treat me like my issues didn't matter, but try to make my life harder because I was so pretty, everything was so easy, I deserved it.
Maybe if these fucking billboards weren't constantly being thrown in our faces to tell us what we are supposed to want, Sheeple wouldn't go after whatever some random magazine editor told them to go after, everyone would pair off with whomever they are actually attracted to, and we would all be happier.
And whoever would feel "lucky" to have a substandard male because he is "pretty" could have him. Ugh.
I keep having questions asked of me, so I wanted to let you all know I've submitted your questions to my friend, who just started up a new blog :D. It should be pretty exciting once it gets going, and you can always submit your questions to Me. I will forward them to her and she'll answer them first.
I don't know how many ways I can say this....NO FRIGGIN SCAT!!!!
I'm into old-school discipline, boys and grrlz. i might throw you in the tub and scrub you raw for coming home dirty, but i will not shit/piss in your mouth nor will i put my FACE anywhere near YOUR anus but I might just flog you with a digital electric flyswatter for ASKING...
CAPICHE?
HARD. HARD. HAAAAARRRD LIMIT.
That is all. lol.
So far, we have not yet found what we are looking for. We require one sub, male or female, for service in a polyamorous household. Slaves ok. MUST be self supporting, in school, or doing something with their life.
Dan Savage, in his column today, said there are a whole lot of kinky men out there but not a lot of kinky women.....he obviously never came on here looking for one :S
Soooo....
we're looking for partners....IRL. Just to clear that up. Yes we have made a lot of friends on here but seriously, if you live a bazillion miles away, or you just want to be dommed online, i mean aren't there numbers you can call for that?
That's my rant for the day, lol.
Now on to the good stuff.
Today we took the kids to McDonalds. My baby daughter grabbed my shirt, lifted it up, and started laughing hysterically (she thinks being weaned is hilarious). I said "you're embarassing mommy! That is not funny!" and she started laughing even harder.
My son said "awweee! Her first evil laugh! She really does belong in this family!"
Yup.
XD.
May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.
Why should I fight for you, when you don't fight for yourself
when I am last on the list of things you want
when only my computer
or my money keeps you here
Why should I smile, and pretend it is okay?
It is the dance it goes around
around around,
the days run down
to nothing dust, to you, to us
I raise my glass
you turn your ass
First, last
The list goes on
I don't expect
your understanding, your
respect, in this respect
we are the same
Your song is playing on
I hear your voice like grating dawn
So full of shit your eyes are brown
we're turning round, around around
I seem to remember you said--
no no my dear it's in your head
right foot, right foot, right foot, left
nimbly around any subject
how you dance with eyes and mind
ice heart, steel soul, meant to blind
how you take me up and down
the polished floor, and round and round
and let us never stop to think of
let us never believe anything like
STOP.
(I'm falling again)
Insomnia
I want to sleep, but I can't.
I fall asleep, but I don't.
I'm still here at 3am
I wake up an hour after I pass out
My eyes are sunken holes, the mask of death
poked through with tiny, frightened lights like eyes
I cannot trust the world, it lies
It lies........
I hope a thing sleeps in peace
when it dies......
Good mornings for lost nights.......
REVIEWS OF YOUR PROFILE, you know who you are....
"I know that I was born to serve a beautiful woman..." Given today's anorexic standard of beauty, I can't help but feel like you're wimping out a bit....what is she going to do, ride around on your head? Though the 99 lb jockey may ride the horse, he can still be thrown and trampled at the horse's whim....when I read this I think...he is afraid of strength, of total control...of domination....I rather feel like you should be on some other website. And find yourself a pretty girl who is an utter bitch. There are so many.....
This is why I bind and gag men, truly....so they can't stick their own feet in their mouths....
Am I a beautiful woman? The real question, darlings, is who the fuck cares?
I hate it when someone speaks to me three times and then tells themself: she didn't meet with me, or whatever. Yeah I haven't met you yet. So suggest a time and place. Idiot.
That is all :D
well, I don't normally see things that make me want to do things, so I have to give Kudos to user Sparky 70 this week, Sparky, your photo made me wish I lived in Vancouver :D
Things are coming along nicely with the festival and live in general, I must say I'm a little bored......still haven't found a sub who meets our needs....and with all the guys on here :(
It's damn unfortunate.
Okay, as those of you who know me are aware, I am diametrically opposed to sellng anything on this site. That said, I just pimped the profile on my cam site, and I want to show it off.
So
It's free to view my profile, and if you don't want to buy anything, then ruddy well don't buy it.
And for those of you who have been asking me to domme you online, this is where you'll find me.
Went on cam with some sub for like 30 seconds. he's like what do you weigh. are you fat? i said really? you were just friggin looking at me.
new rule
NO stupid questions.
stupid questions will not be tolerated.
hard limit.
lol.
It's fixing to be a wonderful day....I've got a book in my hand, a beautful sub snuggled up to my feet, reading, and the rain has cooled the air enough that a stroll in the park isn't out of the question.....it's definately a day for quiet reflection and contemplation.
I have relieved my current sub from service for being caught online chatting with another woman. His ex girlfriend in fact. Not only did he refuse to show me the messages between them, but closed the computer and signed out of his msn to make sure that I would not. He maintains that he didn't do anything.
So let me set this straight. Being on msn with her, WAS cheating on ME.
I am angry enough to give anyone the beating they deserve this week. Will be looking for full-time slaves at some later date. You probably aren't worthy.
I am so tired of these subs expecting me to "appear" a certain way. For a reference, look at this clip from one of my favorite shows, Chicago: " target="_blank">
Are these women tiny? NO.
Yes, I am bigger than you and Yes, I am stronger. No woman who can pick you up and throw you is going to be waif-thin, sorry to burst your bubble, boys. Anorexic is not the picture of health.
I will NOT BE TOLERANT of topping from the bottom messages asking me to "appear" a certain way. Either you love women, or you do not. If it is your purpose to objectify women, well, I can't help you.
Since so many of you asked, I am five foot ten. I am a big woman. I have dark skin, green eyes, and generally look like my picture :D. Az is five nine. He's a very thin guy. He has green eyes also and loves long walks on sharp rocks, spankings, crops, whips and chains.
I mean for the lova...why are we here? XD
IF YOU ARE FEMALE, UNDER 5'7" TALL, UNDER 140 LBS, AND YOU GET A MESSAGE FROM "ME" IT IS FROM MY SUB, NOT ME, AND HE WILL BE PUNISHED ACCORDINGLY AND IIII WILL NOT ANSWER.
If you get an answer it is not from Me. Any answer from Me would be to simply remove the communication from this profile.
Sometimes, he likes to pretend to be a whore so he can get himself into trouble. Sorry for any misunderstanding this may cause. I have asked him not to do this as it may raise the hopes of people who really won't have any place in this House.
Looking for a new house has gone verrry unpleasantly. I swear, I should just become a pro domme, I'd make more money and could probably buy a house outright within a month. Gak, this is frustrating. Which reminds me of another topic....
Financial Control. This is my topic for the day.
In my House, I control the finances. But Azzie has no income and is bad with money. I have had subs offer their services for free room and board, or for compensation, or to get into the country. My problem wth this is the obvious one: how do I know whether they are true subs, or doing it because they need cash or a place to stay? I'm not interested in exploiting anyone....well.....okay....maybe a little.....haha.
Some of our male subs, however, have questioned us for asking them to pay into the household budget if they are 24/7, and have also questioned my rules about money and how it is spent (basic things like rent, food, the phone, no drugs in the house, no smoking n the house).
I find it interesting that one willing to give up personal freedom and possibly safety would stick on cash. The reason I find it interesting is that our female subs are often happy to be financially dominated, to give up that control. They are almost grateful.
I don't care either way, financial domination isn't my thing. I work hard for my money and Az sits on his ass in front of the tv hard for my freakin money, but I would kind of like to hear what your philosophy is. So message me. I might even post the answers I get.
Or I might not.
You can never tell what I'm going to do.
A BDSM STORY
It was very nice to meet you.
You too, ma'am.
Do you know what I am going to do to you?
No, ma'am.
Did you see everything when you walked through the door?
Do you
need another tour?
No.
No?
No, ma'am.
You must understand, I'm bored. I'm bored with two-dimensionality. I want something more. I want to understand the limits of the human body. I want to
AAAh!
Push them.
Do you understand.
Yes, ma'am.
So let's begin. I have two things in my hands, do you see them?
Yes.
Yes?
Aah! Yes, yes ma'am.
Yes, ma'am. Do you think you would like one of them used on you?
Yes, yes ma'am.
And the other one, not so much?
No, no ma'am.
I am going to put these things behind me. Here, in the box. Are you paying attention. You don't want to be staring up my skirt, (name deleted), you want to be paying attention. Because you are going to choose.
And you might not like what you choose.
Want to hear the rest of the story? Well, I think you know it, don't you.......
you never choose right
that is why you need My guidance
someone to serve
someone who cares enough.........
I hear you have a cheating problem, do you?
Yes.
Is that why you came to me?
Yes.
Yes?
Yes, ma'am.
You said you don't feel like they love you. Because they don't....take an interest.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, tell me. I'm interested.
You don't mind if I interrupt, do you?
AAAAh!
Yes, I didn't think you would.
In My House, you might have to clean. You may have to cook. You may have to pull your own weight. I will not be your mother. I will not be your friend. You will leave, if you leave, knowing exactly what can be achieved when we learn the limits of ourselves. How far can you push yourself? How much can you achieve? How much would your life be improved if someone cared enough to take the control.....
yes, I am a domme, but I am much more....
my subs have quit lifelong addictions, I have brought them back from the brink of death, I have been a POSITIVE influence in their lives.
If you contact me, do not ask for compensation.
Do not ask what I can do for you.
Believe in the possible.
Believe in the will to become what you were meant to be.
Men or women are acceptable.
My interests; spanking, paddles, rope tie, confinement, o control, denial, e-, phone.
We will NOT push you beyond your limits. There is ALWAYS a safe word.
Let me see, what is new with Ms. Kitty?
She is putting on a production of "Repo! The Genetic Opera" this halloween. Az is providing flame, blood, and gore effects. Nothing like a little singing and dancing with your blood and guts.
She is moving to a bigger house. More opportunities for the right subs. Don't be fake.
I am looking for submissive males or females, to serve a male switch who frankly, needs distracting, and annoys the hell out of me. He is bisexual. He has his own profile here, azmerius, i believe, i don't really look at it.
He is 5'9" tall, green eyes, blond hair, about 128 lbs.
You are 20-30, fit or thin, willing to serve, self-supporting.
That means we will rent you a room and keep you around for our purposes. The house is near the GTA.
Az is sick today....poor thing. He drank too much on Friday night and was throwing up all day today. Well I warned him, didn't I? I suppose this is what happen when you don't listen. I told him to slow down and he said he could handle it. And now, hangover from hell. Well I have to work Monday so he's just going to have to get up and get things done :S
I haven't been clear enough I suppose.
What we are currently seeking, is 1-2 house subs/slaves. Room provided, gay preferred, must have own income. Students welcome. Must enjoy housework and be discreet. Option for pain or no pain, but come prepared to be disciplined. Male or female, any sexual contact would be with male sub. He's freakin gorgeous.
Anyone else feel free to contact me, I'm sure we will make great friends.
More Latent Bondage
My company does set-up and tear down, decorating and clean-up of weddings and parties. I decided to take on some work cleaning houses in the off-season. I go into this house where a man lives with his fiancee and dog, they are moving out and the place is spotless. There's the occasional hair here, or bit of dust there, but really nothing for me to do.
So I sparkled up the bathrooms and washed the floors. At some point the woman came to me and told me that her man freaks out if the house isn't spotless, he said she didn't get it clean enough and hired me. Of course this loser stiffed me for the job, and when we call him to ask why, he says it wasn't clean enough and he had to have his wife go back in and re-clean it.
Now, I am all for bondage, but I think people have a right to consent: that there should be a little clarity in the original agreement between two people. Honesty. I am your dom and you are my sub. Is that so hard? I don't think so.
Not only does he have to have power and control over his wife, but when he's really feeling un-manly and loserish, he has to find another woman to abuse. Someone he can rob, on top of it all.
Did I mention they had a third bedroom just for their little frou-frou dog? The fact that I am the proud owner of a frou-frou dog notwithstanding, if you want to treat a fully grown woman like a six year old girl, why not just hit a few parties, save yourself a lot of dumping?
Example number two:
I know a guy who constantly pisses off women, hoping they will hurt him, because he loves to be beaten. He's only admitted this to me. So basically, he'll put constant pressure on his girlfriend, asking her for outlandish things, treating her and his children like crap, hoping to elicit a response. And does he get it? Of course. His loony toon girlfriend actually slapped a woman he worked with because she hugged him!
Or maybe because he's NOT hugging her, wink wink, nudge nudge.
Come to think of it, I've seen a lot of relationships break up because someone or the other had some pre-conceived notiion of what they were supposed to enjoy, and that was getting in their way. Men who date starfishing barbie dolls because they are supposed to, even though they are interested in green-haired rock divas. Men who date redheads when they really want black girls with biiiig ol' butts.
I remember going to high school with a guy who really liked big women, and how fast he knuckled under to pressure to date tiny girls when all of the other guys started teasing him. You'd think you'd be allowed to be honest about sex.
If there's one thing I know, it's that it takes all kinks to make a world.
And you'd be surprised WHO is wearing what kind of hardware under their skirt. :)
IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, BONDAGE
Yesterday I went to a lovely baby shower, with my girls. We visited my godmother (Goddessmother? She's pagan) and generally had a wonderful time. I said that I think it's insane, girls walking around in booty shorts and tights riding up their cootches, and she said "Now wait a minute! THEY are allowed to wear THEIR clothes any way THEY want"
I thought it was a very nice sentiment, but unrealistic and untrue. If people were truly dressing the way THEY want, then boys might be walking around in sparkly sandals or skin tight pants, girls might wear their pyjamas, and women wouldn't walk around in high heels in the middle of winter.
The fact is, what they want to wear has been dictated to them. I am all for making a statement with the clothes you wear, but it should be YOUR statement. And that statement should never be "hey, you're a gynecologist....does it look like there might be something wrong with my vagina?"
I mean, seriously, it's pubIC hair, not PUBLIC hair! Why the hell are you going to go to a club (bondage clubs excluded, obviously) in a skirt so mini your ass is hanging out, a skirt so small a guy could fuck you by bumping into you the wrong way, and then whine that men don't take you seriously.
And none of that feminist "I should be allowed to dress the way I want" crap! Why would you want to wear a pair of tights that are creeping so far up your ass you floss your teeth when you walk? As any woman who has worn the wrong thong can attest, it hurts. And not just a little bit.
So you can can it about your spiked heels, and your tiny thong, and your skanky tights (even imagining the smell makes me feel a little sick to my stomach), and your bra with the dirty grey straps are what you "want" to wear. It's not what you want to wear.
I've seen the same girls in their houses, walking around in a pair of fluffy pyjamas six sizes too big, giant animal slippers, with all the shit washed off their faces and a frickin teddy bear in their hands and believe me,
I'd rather see THAT, than a pair of panties walking down the street.
i feel like I'm in some kind of reverse reality where clothes are panties and panties are clothes. So if you dress like that, and you happen to hear someone yelling
"Hey! You forgot your pants at home!" when you walk down the street....don't give me your crap about "it's what I wanted to wear"
And another thing, feminists: I understand all of the political and ideological reasons for deciding that women should be allowed to go topless, but most people just want to see a jiggly set of boobs walking down the street.
So thank you, Mr. or Mrs. Wonder, for inventing the damn bra. If only everyone could learn how to wear something OVER it
That is all.
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
That is all. :D
ONE DAY COPYRIGHT 2009
If I had the time in a day I'd watch you sleep i'd watch you play
I'd like to wander in the middle of the forest with my skirt down to my ankles and the grass up to my knees, I'd
like to stand right in the middle of the ocean somewhere in between the lightning and the skulls tangled in reeds
Con silencio I'll love in every language as the water tumbles mountains and the sun erodes their face
I'd like to watch the film from beginning right to the end: if God would only let me I would step into his place and
If I had the time in a day I'd watch you sleep I'd watch you play
If I had one long and perfect day.
Yup, I can't sleep once again. I wonder what kind of 2am gibberish I'm going to come out with now.
WTH is with all of these HIV pos subs messaging me? You must be nuts. So from now on I'm instilling a simple rule: if you "can't be used for sex" and won't tell me why, you may want to move on to the next profile.
I don't take subs with STD's. Because, frankly,ew.
If we choose to meet you we will require an STD test, please keep that in mind before contacting me, thanks.
I just got home from school and realized I have one day to write 2000 words. Fantastic. At least it's a 2000 word essay on a Disney movie...how hard could it be, right?
As it turns out, pretty hard. Since I have to think critically about it.
In other news, I found a bunch of black dirt all over my porch when I went out this morning. It makes me wonder....how did that get there? I mean, my room is right above the porch....when do these kids rip the vent cover off my dryer, pick my plants, and dump crap all over my porch.
I should take them down to the dungeon for five seconds. "don't touch my stuff, or my stuff will touch you". buahahahahaaaaaaaa
disclaimer: for sensitive folks, that was a joke. I have no intention of actually doing that. But at times (when there's crud all over my porch for example) it's fun to think about.
I'm working on some research. Anyone who wants to answer just one quesion, feel free to message me. The question is: describe the perfect man/woman.
I might even post some of the answers just for fun :D
Ah strep, my old friend, rearing your ugly head once more. Actually it's been at least twelve years, but that was the last time I was in a dirty house.
Azzie is terrible at cleaning, and God bless him, if he didn't have so many other good qualities--looking at this mess I can't think of them but I'm sure there are some--I would have turned him loose long ago.
Although I love him, I may soon choose to live separately. Obviously, my exposure to allergens can not continue. I've missed two days of the summer school I only have to be in because I was pregnant for an entire term next year. Which reminds me, I have a fifteen page research paper to write.
Any subs political science majors? I need a tutor?
Today was just exhausting. I don't think I've ever had a longer one. I was putting on a charitable event and I put it on, sick, because I didn't want all these people to show up and not have a party. One of the girls, her mother said it was the first time in years she'd seen her smile. It was so amazing to do something good for people who don't have very much.
Az was down on himself again, because he had a bad day on stage. I told him, these things happen but he hasn't cheered up yet. Hope he does soon. I miss his smile. He's usually so happy-go-lucky but today he froze onstage. Poor thing. I can't do anything to get him out of his funk...not even cookies are working :D.
Which is too bad, since I can't eat the cookies myself :D. I'm pretty sick, I've had a sore throat for three days. And what really hurts is that I didn't lose an ounce XD.
So hah! More proof that dieting doesn't work. Besides, my cooking could bring a die-hard anorexic to the trough :D. I'd be eating it right now if it weren't for this stupid sore throat.
When did it start? This is a difficult question. I'd only answer it in a forum like this, where I am basically anonymous. Because she is still alive, and she would be mortified. It started with my mother.
I love my mother. I do. I loved my mother so much as a child, that I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I noticed the beautiful sea green colour of her eyes when she took off her glasses, and I knew every freckle on her face. Like any child, I was amazed by how wonderful and amazing my mother was. She was a queen, a goddess, a creature to be admired. She could go to work at three jobs every day and still have the time and energy to spend with me and my brother, still keep her house clean, and her sister even took care of my sick grandmother.
I wanted to be just like her. I made dinner every night for my older brother while he played video games and watched tv, and I thought, how useless men are.
When she remarried and I saw the way he treated her, throwing food back in her face when she had spent hours cooking it, not even bothering to learn exactly how much time and effort she put into everything she did, how much love and caring, I decided having something that wasn't worth much more than a dildo certainly wasn't worth all that trouble. My mother was beautiful, but something about men made her feel ugly. My mother was special, but something about men made her feel worthless.
When I was a teenager, and her husband started making comments about the way I looked, it occurred to me that a man, no, some men, really are useless. What good is a thing that only loves you if you look a certain way? I didn't want fickle, pointless, heartless love. I didn't want love that would leave the moment someone was younger, or had a tighter ass, or sagged less. I wanted REAL love. DEVOTION.
Not the kind of devotion men like him were offering, that would fade the moment my hair turned grey or I got in an accident, but the kind of devotion that would last through all of that and more, the kind that mattered. I wanted someone as devoted to me as I was to them, to keeping my house clean and cooking perfect meals...I wanted someone who put as much work into me as I put into my education. I was an A student. I'd settle for nothing less.
It was then that I realized that men...well, some men, understand the beauty of a woman and want to really understand her. Not just for a piece of ass or a chew toy, but a real living, breathing human being.
And that some men are so much like children, needing guidance, needing to be told exactly what a woman wants and needs.
I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but it's just an opinion. I don't need anyone to take care of me and never have, neither did my mother. But I think women need so much more than a fuck toy, and we need to be treated as more than a fuck toy. Everyone deserves better than that. Especially ME.
I don't think anyone who can't handle their actual life deserves the title of Dom/Domme. I know of "dommes" who are unemployed drug users who sit around all day ordering others around. If I must be Queen, I will rule like King Richard and always be the first one charging at the front of the line.
My mother deserved a man who was at her feet, with the way she worked to make our lives (and her own life) better. Her struggle deserved release. In fact, what hard-working woman doesn't deserve a foot rub at the end of the day, a quiet soak in a nice warm tub, a little time at the park with her children.
If more women were dominant, less women would be miserable. They just sit around doing whatever men want. Watch tv when they want. Play with the kids when they want. Consult them about everything we do. Have sex when they want. Clean their house. Cook their dinner.
So that what? They can leave you for some 22 year old after ten years of marriage, like just happened to one of my best friends?
I'm hapilly engaged to the love of my life, an adorable and wonderful man who only wants to make me happy. He drives me crazy sometimes too (so much like children :D ). All of my friends ask: how do you do it?
How can an old, not-so-tight-assed, not so bouncy woman such as myself continuously land these adorable and wonderful young men who appear to care so much for me.
By expecting it, ladies. And gentlemen, you could take a lesson from him. "I work soooo hard all day bla bla bla" pfft! When you can pull a cabbage patch doll out of your nostril and run back to work two days later, talk to me. I did it.
We all need to hold ourselves up to a higher standard. Maybe they're right that most men don't reach the sky without a woman shoving them up.
Well, back to Az Jekyll. I love this side of him. Wonder how long it'll stick around. Life is a many-splendored roller coaster. I don't suppose I'm much fun to put up with either, not that I care.
And he does have the cutest little bum in Ontario.
I think it's time for me to go back to the gym. Without a chance to run around outside my head, I'm going to start running around inside of it, never a good thing. Besides I've missed swimming.
The doc says I should wait though, since my bp is still 90 something over 60. She called that "a little low". Thanks, doc. Any lower, I'll be sleeping in a coffin :D
Frustration! I'm going to go insane.
Instead, a quote: the main difference between a man and an animal is that an animal, once you've fed it, will not bite your hand off. A human being is the opposite.
I'm about ready to close the book on Az Jekyll and Az Hyde. I'm too old and too tired to deal with teen-aged drama. I mean seriously, if you want to go, just go.
In the words of the immortal David Bowie: "you say it's not fair so often I'm starting to wonder what your basis for comparison is".
He said he was going to leave today and my heart skipped a beat. My God, had he actually decided to DO something without being shoved into it? But it wasn't to be. Turned out he was just trying to make me feel guilty for asking him to get off his ass so he could sit on it some more.
To be honest, it's becoming boring. I ask you to do something, you don't do it, you complain that I asked in the first place, say I'm treating you like a hooker or a slave, threaten to leave, then you apologise nine hours later after I've already done everything myself. I don't think I need to mention that calling yourself a slave and whining about how much you do generally means you DO IT FIRST.
Okay, Mr. Top-from-the-bottom, I think you may have misunderstood the nature of our relationship. I do not now, nor have I ever, paid for sex.
Just wonderful that we had a child together before I figured this out. My life is on hold, again....ugh.
I think I'll take up lesbianism. It's less appealing, but I can't get pregnant :D
Sigh...what a weeek. There always seems to be too much month at the end of the money. It will cost me five hundred more dollars to pick up the van, so I'm going to try to sell it. At least it's had everything done to it. I'm putting the kids in school closer to the house so that I don't have to drive them around in the morning. At least they'll feel privaleged, going to school in this neighbourhood. Mommy's not on crack, yay!
The neighbours kids followed my daughter home from school yesterday, so there were seven kids in my house. They were running around, climbing the walls, and practicing my daughter's newfound hobby of climbing the mother***cking dresser. Newfound, because I just bought her a new bedroom set. Apparently, this is her way of saying thank you. So, if anyone has a little girl who really really really wants and will die without a pretty white bed with gold do-dads all over it, trust me, DON'T DO IT.
School starts again in May, and by the end of next year I'll finally be finished both degrees. Of course I'll have to hire a housekeeper to come in and babysit Az for an hour every day. He's still a slob, but he's getting better. I suppose no-one could really live up to My standard of cleanliness. At least not someone who grew up in a house where clean meant there were enough dishes to make dinner and the cat litter was only smelling up half the house instead of the whole thing. In My mother's house all of the dishes were clean but it didn't matter since you could have plopped your food right on the floor and eaten off of that.
Oh well, we'll whip him into shape. Literally, hehe.
This amazing weather has got me in the garden much more often, and I've got so much food started in the house I don't know if our tiny yard will hold it and the kids. I wonder if the neighbours will notice if I push the fence over......just a little.....
Had a long talk with Az about the importance of honesty and hurrah! He listened. Turned out he was hiding a video game habit and a foot fetish. He thought I'd think he was weird. It's sooo cute.
We're still searching for a nice boy for him. I think he's got a crush on a dom we know, so who knows what will happen? Not going to many fet parties anytime soon as we're at home with the new princess, but soooon hehehe :D.
Feeling pretty fantastic today. I just did the weigh in on my biggest loser game (for dsi lol, only reason i bought the darned thing) and I lost like, fifteen pounds! Yay me! Time to get back to working out...I can't bench press another person anymore :D.
Found out more crap he's been pulling. when it rains it pours. the photos i took of him, the one that is on here, is also on photobucket. He's been playing rpg's again which always ticks me off. I don't mind video games in their place, but with him I'm not sure if he's doing it because video games don't log their chats.
Other than collarme, I just assumed those were private photos. It makes me wonder what other photos he's been sharing, and why? A person shouldn't be running around dangling their panties in the breeze. A site like this is one thing but...what is he going to do next, put them on facebook? ugh
I've made up my mind not to care anymore. He knows what's at stake. If he wants to ignore it, so be it. I can't be blamed.
I've been lied to again. He's trying to dance around another subject, thinking I am stupid, perhaps hoping I am.
He "just created his own profile on this site so that we can chat separately". Oh how nice.
The profile was created in February and does NOT mention Me. He only created it to put up pictures I took of him, which were only meant to be shared privately.
If you are a sub doing this, this is how you lose the respect and good nature of your Mistress.
A person should be more careful, since adultery is a game two (or many, many more) can play. Unless you are poly, this is a door that should never be opened.
Besides I think poly is better than this sort of behaviour. At least in a poly relationship, there is honesty. Lies make me sick.
Why is it that when you try to encourage someone to be a little more assertive, you are the only one they take it out on?
I told Az he should stand up for himself more often. So when his father "sold" me a car, did not produce the car, and kept the money, and I decided to sue the bastard, he yelled at ME.
That's a great idea. Now I will be alone in labour, I'm alone in bed as usual, he's sulking downstairs because obviously, it's all my fault for being the only one who wishes he would assert himself a little.
I will sue, I will get my money back, and he will continue offering himself up to be used by the worthless scum he calls relatives. I understand being a sub but I do NOT understand being an idiot, and I'm pretty sure there's a line.
I think everyone who is viewing me should get around to saying hello. I'm really quite friendly, although I usually get what I want....
and in other news....
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!
jeesh, am I tired. christmas is right around the corner but exams aren't over yet and i really feel like i'm getting nothing done. I figure if I manage to make it to my exams I'm doing a good job.
my thoughts on bdsm today: toys are expensive. my sub wants me to fuck him, but sheesh, between buying the harness and the dildo, and alllll that lube, i feel like i should just call up the nearest possible gay guy. i'm pretty sure real cocks are free :)
If I spank him while he's bending over, is that good enough? XD maybe we'll just have to find a bi guy who also enjoys a good spanking...sigh, where would you get one of those at this time of year? maybe there will be one in my stocking......
Visited Niagara Falls this weekend, we had a great time but I am tired of all the pornography. I couldn't go to the hard rock cafe without a girl sitting in a booth across from us with her filthy snatch hanging out and all I could think was, oh my god, what is on my booth?
For that matter, I wanted to have them send the chef out, just to make sure she wasn't some porn actress as well....
I felt like going to a fet party to get AWAY from the naked women :S.
So I don't know, cut this, paste it, blog it, facebook it, I don't care....the world needs to know
I AM NOT YOUR GYNO STOP SHOWING ME YOUR VAGINAS!!!!
The world needs more "good girls" lol. At least in public. I don't like the idea of seeing private parts in a public place, and until it becomes common for random twig-and-berry arrangements to be popping out of men's boxers as a matter of fashion, i don't see why I should have to stare at stinky snatches all day long.
This has to cause health issues...these girls probably pee standing up, flush with their feet, wash their hands thoroughly, and then go sit in a public booth? Ugh.
Come to think of it, I know how to fight back. I'll go to the casino, the mall, the g.d. grocery store, pregnant as I am, in a mini skirt with my own ass hanging out, buahahahaha. I will wear a t-shirt that says "this fat chick will cover up...when you do".
This message: fueled by the fear that this trend will still exist when my daughter is old enough to date :)
Well, I'm nearly six months pregnant now, and I'm kiiiinda wishing a little of the Morticia Adams would come out in me. "Is it painful, darling" "EXCRUCIATING" LOL.
Well, I certainly can't wait until this ordeal is over, but I can wait for the end. I figure someone up there must be pissed at me because right now, NOW, when I"m huge beyond all reason, he makes me want an unnatural amount of sex, so much so that poor az is worn out and sleeping, and I'm lying here wondering when he'll get up so we can go at it for like, the fourth time today.
The whole situation isn't very sexy, considering my uh...largesse :)
I was at a fet party last night, and in the middle of everything I remembered a sex advice column in which the guy was upset because he'd called an escort service to fulfill his wildest fantasies of being carried around by a "mommy" figure, picked up, tied up, "beaten soundly and put to bed". The woman at the escort service's dungeon department had told him that none of their girls were strong enough to lift his scant 140 pound frame.
It really got me thinking, really looking around and thinking about how silly that would be. I don't know if I could dominate a guy who I can't even lift without feeling a little tongue-in-cheek about the whole thing. I didn't really want to partake in the festivities anyway though, humiliation can be fun but public humiliation? I don't know.
Also, why do the rules always seem to disappear when it comes to women, never men? There was no lower half nudity, ostensibly, yet I saw plenty of nude female lower halves. I'm willing to bet if I'd asked az\ to drop his pants there would have been trouble. I'm not so much complaining about the naked females as I am stating a fact that is integral to my personality, and possibly to why az was having more fun than I was. Naked women are just not that interesting to me, particularly recently when every teenaged girl within 100 miles of here practically knocks on my door to flash her ass in my face. I find it vulgar and repulsive, not the female body, just the rudeness of forcing it on people. Had I been gay, I would have been in my glory :).
But I'm not, so would it kill them to put a few sexy boys in there too? Maybe the organizers aren't interested in such insanity as the nude male body being a glorious thing, and not just one male body but a whole bunch of them. I mean, the Chippendales are all just one guy with different faces painted on....I'm interested in something a little different.
I also noticed today that my cat's nose looks like a little pink heart. Which may actually turn out to be more relevant to my existence :).
My son came in the other day and took our (custom made! rope!) whip out of a drawer. "What's this mom?" he says, staring at it. I'm not going to get any help from the man, who is giggling like a five year old girl behind me. Attempting to keep a straight face, I say "it's a rope puzzle sweetie. You have to make it turn into a circle." "That's too easy" he says, pulling the rope loops apart and making a circle.
Next day, after thinking it through, he says "mom, I know what that thing is"
"Do you?" I say, trying to keep a straight face while mortification begins to set in.
"Not really" he says, "but I know it aint no rope puzzle!"
This is worse than trying to explain the ball gag (it was a dog toy). "Why is there a person on the picture?" "It's just a funny picture. Give me that and go out and play"
Now I know why god invented video games. To keep the kids OUT of our ROOM!
The middle of the night and I can't sleep, as usual. Even the cats are asleep (dammit, I thought they were nocturnal). Tomorrow is thanksgiving...I am thankful for having met such an amazing guy, and sad that he doesn't feel gratified in our life as it is now.
Pregnancy is long and I think, for some it is too much to take. I hope he's not one of those.
I miss you so much every day it's like the sky has fallen in when you're not here I feel my heart just cracking
like the whip, when you are here....and i think about you.....
I can't eat when I can't see you because there is nothing in the world but air....endless, empty air and I'm obsessed with you but you
don't know i'm there. you shouldn't.
know im there
my heart knocks the corners of the cage and threatens to break free...caged! inside that darkest patch of nothingness, inside my chest, inside my living flesh
that waits only for you.
je n'attends que toi.
When you stand in front of me and let me taste your beauty, my desire runs over my entire body screams for you i beg when you
say no.....i smile though....my heart is breaking
some days, the taste of you comes back to me just briefly in my mind i feel the warmth of you against me and i know....
