*Remember patience is a virtue - answering email as fast as I can*
!!Warning!! This slave requires attention If you can not provide adequate enough, please do not waste either of our time.
~UPDATE~ Now an owned slave - Collared Nov. 4,2010 ~UPDATE~ June 29,2011 - Some have asked about my tats. Here is a link to see all of them. bdsmrelationships.com/BDSM2/tattoo.htm
What am I... ? A registered/tattooed showing slave number.. a slave/slut baby girl hidden inside a grown up woman's body who has control over so many others lives.. with many responsibilities that rarely allow me to be me on my own (Need that Hand to help me keep my place)...my friends and family call me... justy.. because I'm "justagirl"
(If I say I am a clingy, needy, attention whore will that get someones attention? *grin*)
Here is something that best describes.. in the simplest English terms.
"FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE: Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage."
I would enjoy being Master's lil girl in addition to the normal slave. I do know the difference between slave and submissive.
I think a piece of heaven would be being Masters babyslut *big grin*
I am not bratty though I can be sarcastic in a respectful fun way. Ive been accused of being cute and coy. I do not thrive on attention so intently that I need to pull stupid pranks or be so bratty that it actually becomes monotonous and stressful. Do I love attention and affection.. ohh yess but I find it is much more fun to be good and please to get that attention and affection.
A Favorite pass time would be to have a big pillow to kneel and or curl up on at Masters's feet while He watches a movie, plays video games, plays on the comp... or plays with me!
Advice to all other bottoms/subs/slaves/babygirls - know ones self.. know the hands of whom one would put their life in... one lives only once.. and though trials and tribulations befall all.. waiting and joining with the right One is much more rewarding then the harsh lessons of not waiting and feeling the dreadful hurt throughout every inch of ones being when the "One" isn’t the right One. Remember even for a slave... it is worth having the best in a Master/Mistress/Daddy etc...
Type of Master/Dom: a good, kind, strong, loving, wise, fun to be with type :) who loves to play, foundation building and maintaining, and be Real. Be one who can be strict.. yet know when its time to pamper...
Some things non BDSM she likes to do: movies, painting, web design, long walks on the edge of the water on a beach, nice rides in the country, music, Djing, dancing, computers, looking forward to hunting this winter!
(See in my writing/journal section (Finding Master Right) some question that a Mentor used as a guideline for teaching me who and what I thought I wanted and needed and how to seek answers in finding Master Right.)
*Registered* seekdisciplinecom/p/justygrl/
This is not a stereotype lifestyle or relationship..do not guess or assume...ask
For those truly interested in the day to day living of a slave girl.. I do have a journal I write in daily. Warning it is not all explicit sexual behavior its the real life happenings.. life happiness and disappointments. How Master handles things directly and some of the fun times we have together. Its real.
Well I have to wait and do this right.. Ive contacted the one whose
protection I'm under and I'm at a waiting stage.
Ive met an awesome Lady
who is a Domme, Maybe its more the Mistress right that will secure the
slave in me.
Its not all that strange of an idea... Id love to pamper her and take care of her
Its in me to give all of oneself and it seems easy to do so to another woman.
With my abusive past with men maybe this is just what the dr orders :)
Shes beautiful for sure and deserves someone serving her and tending to her :)
We shall see.
If The one whose protection I'm under agrees we will meet for lunch Sunday to discuss things.
Wish me luck! Well "us" luck :)
What is it "this" girl wants?
I want to know without fear or doubt that I am owned. That it is understood the gift I give, in giving all of myself.
With all of my previous abuse to be able to have someone to give it freely too is more powerful then I believe some realize.
To have a trust with anyone with my life is a huge big step.
It is my desire and a burning in the depths of my soul and belly that has
caused me to pick and allow the wrong ones to take advantage of that
gift.
I have longed for it for so long I foolishly allowed others
to get close to having my full submission. In this walk of 13 years
plus in knowing this is a lifestyle and seeking to find more answers I
allowed one to totally have my submission and it is indescribable how it
felt in doing that yet so is the pain that was caused when we parted.
Things that make me tick? things I crave.. I will try to list it but as anyone
in this life that is true to themselves and this life know it is more
sooo much more than a check list.
1.)Collared.. having the
moment (even in training) that someone cares enough to take me the way
that I am and train me. To not wait until I am already fixed but to take
me as I am, collar me, possess me. To show me they are not giving up
and have taken the commitment to make me theirs.
2.)Rules. Not
just a list that I read and get all tingly because they took the time to
make them but to have rewards and punishment followed through on. No
one likes a harsh punishment but I know it will take that to prove to me
there are serious. If you make a rule to be shaven? follow through on
the things you expect or would like done
3.)Get my attention.
a.)It to me is not mean to be spoken directly to looking me in the eye and
being stern enough that I look away and feel the emotion of letting go
and submitting to the one speaking to me.
b.)Grab my hair. Not
just yank it out but to entangle nearly their fingers in my hair and in a
since put me in my place by taking the physical control.
c.)When I fly off the handle and in obvious uncontrollable fury.. get my
attention. Grab my arm, shoulders? whatever it takes to bring me down to
my place.
d.)In a crowded room.. a look, and expression.. a ?girl I see you and could have you if I so choose right this moment" look.
e.)Take possession of my body. Use me. Take me. Bind me.. show me the control.
4.)Implement lifestyle things into my life. Pillow, leash, names, words,
bondage, collar/commitment ceremony, rules, punishment, floggings,
rewards, furniture restriction, choose my clothes, my bedtime, my
activities. (Not do all my thinking but be stern in my asking permission
and sometimes saying no to remind me it is ultimately the Dom/me?s
choice.
5.)Help me have the mindset that I?ve given up the
control. Scenes and daily living reminders. Munches, Bondage garage, use
me. Discuss limits and help me seek where they are and how to overcome
them or the fear of them if they are within reason. Not crossing over
hard limits.
6.)Train me. Actually take the time to find
something you want / EXPECT (that?s a BIG thing..to expect something
from me) and then train me how you want me. Be stern when I cross the
line.
7.)Be fair. Consider all the things in the vanilla life
involved but do not be too easy on me. I do not want a mush bucket I can
control or to top from the bottom.
8.)Active journal. I?d love
to have it said and put on me to journal..but to have it read and
comments made on my journal that I know has been read and some serious
thought put into it to incorporate that communication.
9.)Protocol. Expect a Ma?am/Sir. Demand it. It isn?t going to wound, hurt
or shock someone for respect to be shown. Remind me. Tell me. Expect it.
Demand it. Punishment for not doing it even (I?m that serious) I like
third person in typing and talking.
10.)Hidden control. Under the clothes bondage. Things that when I am away.. Reminder?s of my place.
11.)Protect me, care for me, show in public places that I am owned or
taken. I love the leash rules in the online ?rules?. I?d like them
implemented and enforced.
(Here are those "Rules" I'm referring to)
VI. Leashed Etiquette! (With and without an actual leash!)
There will be times when my slave will be collared and leashed. These are
guidelines for how you are to behave your basic rules still apply when
leashed.
1.You are not to handle your leash unless told specifically to do so by your chosen masters.
2.When you are leashed you are to walk slightly behind the leash holder
and your eyes are to be downcast as much as possible, but I don't want
you tripping or running into things.
a.When you are introduced to someone you will bow and state it is a pleasure to meet them.
3.If the leash holder drops or releases your leash you are to remain in
that spot until one of your masters or a designated caretaker picks it
up again.
a.When in this state you are not to speak unless spoken to directly
4.When your leash is placed on a hook or hitching post you are allowed to
move as much as the leash allows and you may ask for permission to sit.
a.When in this state you are allowed to freely converse with those around you.
------------------
(Stole this from another subbies site a long time ago)
"I do not want to be the leader, I refuse to be the leader. I want to live
darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me; always
over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his
sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working,
holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, o God as
a woman, I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my
own feet, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will
of a male at his time, his biding."
~Anais Nin, diary entry, 1932~
*Edited*
Ive started a day to day account of this training and life of 24/7 slave. Still playing a little catch up because the journal just got working last night / yesterday.
Finding the words?(This is in part a reply to an email I
received.. but it is well said and decided to tweak it enough to be today?s
(April 26, 2009) journal entry)
I received an email
today and it made me think. It gave me comfort in knowing someone understands
where I am and it also brought out the disappointment and fear that I try to
hide each and every day.
The thoughts were immediately rushing in. It is comforting
to know that "Someone" gets it. I have been played with for years by
online games(their games not mine) and trying to find Master Right... I know
what it is I seek. More then seek.. what I NEED..and crave.. I feel so
incomplete. I love being mom and granny but for me on a personal level I
require much more. I have cried myself to sleep many nights craving that which
will one day complete me. (Last night was one of them)
It is so frustrating trying to explain it to those who do
not understand.
Even more frustrating is the "Topping from the
Bottom" trying to "train" someone who cares about me in how to
be a Dominant. They say they want so very much to make me happy and yet the
words I say seem to just fall on deaf ears and there is no real understanding.
Even the confusion in their face is painful because it is at that moment you
say to yourself? 1 or 2 things will happen.. I will settle for what I crave to
never fully happen.. or I will hurt them when I go find what it is I crave.
Submission or to be slave is so very much more then sexual.
I crave that which is real.. and sincere. Like being in a room full of people
and just get a glance and know the words without hearing them.. from "Come
to Me now girl" to "That will get you in much trouble later, I am
watching" or even just the extended hand to allow me the privilege to join
them near them and be pet as I rest at His feet... Then there is the subtle but
point well taken gripping the hair and or neck and appear to be kissing the
cheek of the one You own and whispering in their ear how You want them.. and
will have them later when everyone is gone.
Then there is the craving of just wanting someone to EXPECT
something of me.. over and beyond that which is required of me as a mother or
grandmother. For the One to appreciate the gift of my total submission.
Example: If One was to make a rule.. you are to be clean
shaven. Do expect that it is done and more so.. check, investigate, show her
that You made that rule for a reason and it is not just some game.
I've recently begun going to the local community seeking,
putting myself out there. It is so scary because of two reasons...
1. Disappointment - I KNOW the life I crave. I had it and I
have had many situations that when it came time to be who "They"
claimed regardless of how much I gave they were not able to hold up their end
and I was left much disappointed and just left in general.
2. Fear - I know the feeling that overwhelms my body when
kneeling for the One who adores me and enjoys me at their feet.. receiving my
collar as He seals the deal. I know the pain when it was over.. and THAT I
think I fear more then the being alone and not having it. Eventually one gets
use to the not having it, giving up hope that it will ever be. I am going
through that RIGHT this moment. Then there is the reaching that place again
then loosing and KNOWING without a doubt what it is that will complete me and
having lost it again.
I must say I not only found comfort in those words that were
well written to me (You would not believe how frustrating it is that those who
consider themselves altogether can not even attempt to use spell check) but it
did give me peace in knowing.. "SOMEONE" does get it.
My situation is a complicated one. Aside of being a slave..
I happen to also be a mother, grandmother, and best friend to a few select in
my community.
So here I am fixing to go to work.. and while I should be
happy.. I am very sad..
?
justy
P.S. To the One who received this email before it was tweaked to be a journal entry.. Thank You again.. You know who You are.
(The formatting in these things so suck big time! I tried to tweak it but sheeesh!))
Finding Master Right
Many years ago when I was merely taking baby steps into this
lifestyle I had a Mentor. I knew Him as "Red". I had my heart broken
and confused a few times to say the least.
He sat me down and talked to
me. He explained that we all have certain needs and desires and to best
find out for me what would work best to think on a few things and we
came up with these questions... they have been tweaked over the years
and when pasting them here I am sure they will get tweaked even further.
What is most important are the answers that come from the
questions. He explained that in the event someone comes along to ask
these questions.. the answers will reveal if we are on the same page.
He also advised that if they are not willing to answer these questions
then they are not worth my time or the gift I would be giving. He
further explained that my submission is a gift and worth holding out
for Master Right and if it were Master Right.. he would agree and would
answer anything willingly that would help me to feel content and safe.
So here goes...
(Please feel free to answer these questions publicly or privately and
anyone can answer these just for the sake of answering even if You are
not "my" Master Right)
*1. A Master who is NOT an abuser... and has a girl
who generally is very good but when she's not there is
punishment. This is a time when she has done
something to need punishment... severe punishment...
He gives it to her, she takes it... she sleeps
naked having fallen asleep next to Him... He wakes
first and looks down on His girl and sees bruises
and welts and marks from the night before...
What is Your FIRST thought when You see this?
What do You do?
*2. You have a very emotional girl but always respectful,
You come in and she seems to have a proverbial
chip on her shoulder. Taking it out on the world
basically and even snaps at You. A real "i don't
care about anything beat me if You want would
make me feel better then i do now anyway" attitude...
What do You do?
*3. You come home and nothing is done... no chores...
no dinner... You call her name... no answer...
You go looking for her... she?s in the bed appears
to have been there all day... Normally You two
would have talked sometime during the day but
this one You didn't.. she didn't call and say she
was sick or give any indication the night before
or even that morning of being sick....
What do You do?
*4. If Your girl was stressed to the point that she
seemed to be "freaking out" a nervous wreck...
cant get any emotional control over herself
whatsoever... seems to her like her whole world is
caving in... and she?s totally loosing it....
What do You do?
*5. How do You feel about the Daddy Dom (not babies
diapers that sort of thing) grown women taken
especially care of by a Master who at times she
calls Daddy. NOT Father... Daddy
*6. Your girl comes to You.. she?s done her chores...
she?s done over and above because she has ocd and
has done all she knows how to pull herself out
of the depression rut she seems to have gotten
herself into this particular day.... You come in
normal routine happens... dinner and so on but
she?s quiet... You notice but nothing is said You
are giving her time to come to You and talk...
then in Your bedroom when it is bed time You're
laying in bed and she appears to be crawling to
You with a flogger in her teeth and a sad puppy
face... she stops... kneels before You and lifts
it in her flat palms lowers her head and says
"Master, the girl has been good and has not broken
any rules this she promises, but please..... beat
this girl"
What do You do?
Please number your responses and / or copy and paste the question then answer them accordingly.
THANK YOU!
(Feel free to copy/use/tweak these for your own use)
