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Pan Female Slave, 47,  Milton Keynes, United Kingdom
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immoral - photo 1
immoral - photo 2
immoral - photo 4

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Female, interested conversationalist ,sybarite, no other angle no particular subtext,no trick,catch,or ruse










Last Online:


 Female Slave

 Milton Keynes 

 United Kingdom

 Under 5'



 Not Listed



Actively Seeking:

Friends Only

 Lives For:


 Goth Lifestyle





 Anal Play

 Body Worship

 Canes and Crops


 Hair Pulling

 Mental Bondage

 Outdoor Bondage

 Sensory Deprivation

 Speech Restrictions


 Art Collecting

 Philosophy (Beginner)




 Lifestyle BDSM


 Classical Music

 Auto Racing




 Tai-Chi (Beginner)





 Breast Play


 Corner Time



 Eye Contact Restrictions



 Housework Service



 Massage (Giving)

 Medical Play

 Obedience Training


 Orgasm Denial (Expert)

 Plastic Wrap



 Vacuum Stimulation



 Arcade Games


 Comedy Shows

 Historical Shows

 Horror Movies


 Online Chatrooms

 Science Fiction

 Web Surfing

 Body Art













 Intellectual Discourse


 1950s Lifestyle



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 Opera Music

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 Ice Hockey




 Role Playing

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 Eighties Music

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 Curious About:

 Local BDSM Community




 Public Play


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 Needle Play


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Journal Entries:
4/20/2017 4:58:56 PM

4/20/2017 1:27:14 PM
dont even

4/12/2016 1:49:35 PM
or - how  to  speak to people.

1, say hello
 youd think thats simple  but no seems not -hello doesn t have cock  pictures , calling someone slut slave whore cunt or girl isnt a hello
2. introduce yourself
again youd think its simple but nope - my name is - KNEEL  FUCKBITCH WHORE !!! WE ARE OLD FRIENDS YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I SPEAK  TO YOU IM SO DOMLY.. or  i know you are a slave but i want you to dominate me or generally  talk dirty to me  or discuss your private life with me  so i can wank - IS not actually an inroduction ... name is Mike John Peter whatever ,
if you find someone interesting and they  state they arent interested - take a hint..... the only person interested in your load is you....... no one else.
 i know its tough . you want to wank or  chase  cunt  but TRY to see the  hole you are talking to as a person...non  consensual sexual objectification  and desperation  denial rudeness become a panda. A person who has a lifestyle that limits their success in the world, and causes them to risk elimination from the gene pool.

The term refers to the giant panda which only eats bamboo, a food that offers little nutritional value and only allows mother pandas to raise one cub at a time. In addition, panda bears are known for being reluctant to reproduce, severely limiting their species's success.

Humans can be referred to as "pandas" when they choose a lifestyle that limits their ability to earn a living, maintain their health, or provide for a family. This term is especially appropriate when a person squanders opportunities available to them.

11/17/2015 3:34:19 PM

you know you want to

10/28/2015 12:16:19 PM
you cant  control a person who wants nothing .

11/27/2014 12:09:42 PM
Normal is an ilusion, what is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly. ....

3/1/2014 7:54:56 PM

♥ rumours of my death are greatly exaggerated ♥ laughs

12/27/2013 11:58:07 AM

i have had the very best Christmas Master spoiled  me hugely and not just  with gifts. ( although  he did rather spoil me x),also  with love care and attention the real things that make life so  wonderful

I have spent  time with my family this holiday with darling foxxy and with touki ...also with bumbum and   rushed of her feet Lonsdale,

tonight I went to visit family and came home with champagne and 6 pots  of French pate tonights supper was terrine de chevreuil with champagne  home made bread and proper butter with seasalt and a  bottle of champagne to wash it down  with....

I am  so lucky.... I opened my  gifts..and  I am so delighted xxxxxxxxxxxxx

im so fortunate x

12/24/2013 11:08:34 AM

hugely excited  Christmas eve.........Santas  coming ....

Master has wound me up to fever pitch reciting the night before Christmas to me ....

im just  so happy and excited  for tomorrow x

12/21/2013 3:29:05 PM

as always I am Masters will made manifest

today I have  finished my  Christmas shopping mostly.. and then I went to a neighbours house  and helped a lady to  make royal icing and ice a Christmas cake she is  gifting to a friend , so the good  will is passed on.

it was  quite good fun all in all  type stuff  and I was  happy because it meant I passed on some  knowledge from my  mother to  someone sort of keeps things alive I feel.

tomorrow I will clean house and get some things I could not  get today and maybe  do some baking .. and then. im all ready .

stepford goth..... requested my Master.



12/20/2013 3:42:08 PM

other people tell me  I am beautiful.....and  its sweet of them but means nothing

in my Masters gaze , that look in His eye .I am the  most beautiful woman who ever  lived no words needed.

12/18/2013 3:23:38 PM

such a beautiful day........

spent  with my lovely  family....I did such a good job raising them. they are an utter joy to me .

I spent time with Master  and he always makes me  so  full of joy..i didn't even know life could be so happy....

and as usual  I spent time reading  watching and learning .........  today I watched an interesting  film  too ....called zeitgeist .....yet again it seems  my world view isn't  so damn odd....I may be seen as a crackpot or somehow duped  because ive spent a lifetime questioning  I for one....have a need to know.. im not a sheeple  kind of girl

btw I highly recommend Zeitgeist  theres a full film of it on youtube ......well worth a watch.


12/17/2013 2:10:45 PM

oh  good lord anyone else  get adds for bongacams on the site of the site...... jesus a new low  for cm.



I have just returned  from a magical break with  Master.... roaming London and being spoiled  rotten , a pint of beer in a lovely pub and SHOPPING  for Christmas gifts for me ..... im so spoiled.

then back  to Masters home  to relax and cook dinner...snuggle up together and watch a film .. I love  being with Master he makes me  so happy and such  company. if we are cooking or shopping  or having a beer.... WIITWD is weaved through our  daily life.. in everything we do ...... a look  a touch....the vanilla world  wont ever understand  how people might live this 24/7  they have no idea .......

Master  knows  so instinctively  how to take me to  that special place in my mind...and  as I  am more settled in myself He takes me to new places....places im so happy to go,

stroking my  cheek....touching my lips......smiling at me.....hurting me just right till I beg for His permission  to orgasm    not out of wanting him to stop  but because the mingled pleasure and pain of His expert touch  in my mind and on my body drives me to need to orgasm.

his hands in my hair held still and content , his slut his whore his slave, the neck of the bottle slipping inside cunt, my arse....a little wine spilling inside me, intoxicating in more than one way- I am so lucky...... to feel so owned , to feel  loved. to feel special, to adore Him and be adored in return...... for everything I am .To appreciate  and to  be appreciated serve and for that service to  be driven  by so many positive things.

I never knew or had any idea exactly how it would feel to be loved this way and to be free to love back without reserve but ....its blissful




12/14/2013 3:36:39 PM

jeebus...... I looked at the time and saw 23.12 and thought it was almost xmas... LAUGHS

FAR TOO MUCH SUGAR  that's what ill blame it on...stollen induced stupidity.


not long now.......I am  utterly beside myself....2 sleeps.....and every day  even after a year  I grow closer and closer to Master and love Him more and more...... I didn't even  think it was possible. I mean there have been  many times ive thought I love Him with all my heart and I couldn't ever love him more.........and then out of the blue dammit if I don't !!

and a year on  to  still be learning about  each other  at this rate and still growing closer and closer Im astounded I had no idea that this could ever be ......

the depth of interaction on so many levels simultaneously , the constant information feed- im always hungry  for new information and  being with Master is like being hooked up to the mainframe and the faster I learn to process it the faster he feeds me....its just the most amazing feeling xxxx

Master I love you  with all my heart x


12/13/2013 2:27:52 AM

3 more  sleeps .... im so  excited . I just cant say.. laughs..... shopping and santa and time with so damn lucky x

its been an  interesting couple of days , old friends have crawled out of the woodwork and come to say hello .. family  visits......but then that's what this season  does I suppose.


12/12/2013 3:49:36 AM is a member of the Free Speech Coalition.


lols- now that's funny .....


thismorning I was considering many things as I lay snuggled in my  bed waiting for Master , one of them  was how  time allows people  to remember things  as they decide to remember them not as they were .

its all subjective im aware. and the truth of any one thing is something highly individual .

so as truth is merely conceptual in basis and subject to alteration through time and perception and lies can become perceived truth through time - then the emphasis people put on the past as  a fixed point they can  use to determine how they feel about the now and the future  seems all the more driven by  wish and individuality than *reality *

so- how would it be  I wonder if people looked at their past and decided to focus on  all the positive things , over time this would become their reality? and using this as a base level to determine  how they react to  their now and their future  would  they see life differently ?

laughs - whether you think you are wrong or you are right - either way you are  right , perception is funny like that think you  are wrong ...... then you are...... think you are right ......then you are. you could say whatever you are thinking and feeling today  is creating your future .

now isnt  who you are its who  you were in fact  - today is the residual  outcome of past thoughts and actions and if you think thats you and carry on focussing on the negatives  you are dooming yourself to colouring your future  with negativity too .

and that spills out into your every day life  touching people you love.and some you  don't, colours your decisions , slants your view , and holds you back from  being a happy loving person.

12/11/2013 3:32:17 AM

well I went back and picked her brains some more !

im so excited  not long  now  till I see Master again........I just cant wait !!

and its nearly  Christmas  aaaand life is wonderful xxx

Master im so  lucky  to  be owned by you ...... you make my life so full of joy  ♥

12/9/2013 9:53:00 AM

a very positive day  I met a wonderful woman  and picked her brains without mercy........ so very interesting . I do love a good mind

especially when that mind tells me so many thing I want to  know..

Christmas is looming and  with it the threat of imposed family  visits.....nevermind  cant be helped .

its soon  over ........ laughs

12/8/2013 5:45:22 PM

i love Him  with all my heart .

for 6 years as I kept my nightly  vigil , he was there with me  keeping one of His own , a loyal friend  steadfast and kind 

its been a year nearly , of beautiful memories a year that began as friends  a listening ear and the knowledge that grew in me that I hadn't realised it but He had always been there  in my life watching over me  quietly

I  have never felt as  adored as loved and cherished as I  do a slave an equal not merely a possession  but as a prize .

a year that has been  hard and rewarding , Master  asked me  so many  questions I had  no answers for  answers He has  tirelessly helped me seek .

piece by piece he has helped me build myself from daisies and sunlight and water and love , Hes smiled upon my soul and made me shine, Hes watched me cry and never once let up  until I have achieved  the goals I have set seeking a deeper understanding  of myself.for myself and  for Him unknotting the mess in my mind .

I owe him so much. each  day  I learn more about Him and each day His existence brings me a new treasure  each day a gift !





12/7/2013 5:08:54 PM

xxxI am blessed

12/5/2013 11:50:12 AM

my life.

I had no idea how good life could be , I know I was happy before  or at least content  with my lot , but it was superficial  and nothing  like the happiness I  have now .

tonight ....and I know so many  will  never understand this .

I had a bacon and egg sandwich  with my  son- and we shared some jagermeister  we watched survive style 5 ,I spoke with Master and his joy is infectious !!

tomorrow we will  make  pizza......and maybe set fire to things in the garden and mess about !-

life is so simple and sweet ,  its a joy that just bubbles up inside a person and spills over  infecting everyone else around , there comes a point when concentrating on the positives in your life  comes so easily  you  don't have to concentrate any more  and a deep gratitude takes its place , and as for the *real world * that other people have made for themselves  , defined it with their own  minds  and acted it out in misery and spite   and attempted to  force the disappointment of it  the hardships the anger hate bitterness of it onto others.... declaring it to be real ...ill tell you  something ,  something ive known  since I was 6 , that might be your reality -  but its not mine .

my  world is beautiful..... your perception  defines your reality......set yourself free and make some attempt at imagining yourself happy  for once one as a child says I want to be  bitter frightened ugly cruel and unhappy   when asked what they want to be   when they grow up put as much if not more effort into  being a lovely person as you  do into defining your life as a struggle and making yourself  feel less alone by being cruel to others. and youll find  your universe changes into  one  you can love  and youll change into a person  you can be proud of.

12/4/2013 6:06:51 AM

a series of  bizarre  conversations .


1. dancing sheep -

you like to dance don't you ?- so does my friend she dances really well ,- then youll have to put a lead on her and hold her still while shes dancing wont you !or she will get away ba ba ba -

who my friend ? I don't think she will like that.... no  not your friend............ the sheep.silly  Foot in Mouth - 3yo logic.


2. Badger blockage -

im telling you  mum I had the oddest dream -oh yeah  I have some odd ones myself  let me hear it .

well there was this ill badger  who spoke like brian blessed  he told be he had an anal blockage  and it was an emergency that I had to  suck it out  so I sucked his anus and a BIKE  came out . no wonder he had  stomach ache...Surprised 23 yo logic .


3.when is a tree not a tree -

hey im so excited ! a parcel  arrived in the post..... ITS THE SIZE OF A SMALL CHRISTMAS TREE guess what it is ?- it a small Christmas tree ?- HELL NO ITS THE MONSTER MOTHER OF ALL DOUBLE ENDED DILDOS !!!-Wink  who knew ?- 43 yo logic

12/3/2013 3:08:31 PM

well this cold has been an experience ......finally  by  drinking human draino  cough syrup  I can breathe  YAY !

FINALLY im getting better. not to bad  really  im just an  impatient patient..

Master thank  you  for being tough  with me and making me stay in the warm  and taking care of myself x id have tried to be back out gardening otherwise.......and I would have been really  sorry x

I made a lovely  roast chicken tonight and could mostly taste it ......SIMPLE  DELIGHTS !

I love you Master xxxxxxxxxxx

11/30/2013 9:37:59 AM

well I have a cold. im a snot  monster .....giggles.

as always Masters love and care is there..made to sleep early and have a lie in and to stayin the warm and snuggle.... im the worlds worst the moment I feel even slightly better im up out of bed and working .... but not this time  Master has his eye on me and I have my orders

I love you Master thankyou  for doing whats best for me , even if I do look a little sulky.... you are absolutely  right xxxxxxx

I hope ill get well soon and be back  in the garden !

11/28/2013 3:00:31 PM

Master is home tomorrow ............ I just cant wait - I have  missed Him so  very badly.

Master I adore you utterly.. you mean so much to me, I am so fortunate  to be collared  by You.

Your love and  support  means so much  to me xxxxxxxxxxx

I just appreciate the new life I have  with You   so much ... its nearly been a  year...... and  You have turned  my life around and made me so happy xxxxxxx

11/27/2013 12:17:26 PM

i may die...... Londale made dinner .....I may be poisoned !

(only joking it was lovely )

we have had a lovely time ...shes such  delightful company  im sure her Master is very proud of her x


I am  so looking forward to Master being home  later this week I have missed Him so  much ,  we have been so busy !!!

Master I love you  with all my heart ,  when  you  go away its always so  difficult  xxxx

I depend on you  so much. x

thankyou for being my  rock  and making me   so happy. xxxxx I cant wait to see your smiling face again

11/26/2013 1:34:39 PM

well- what a difference  an  extra pair of hands makes.- Lonsdale has worked so hard xe the garden  has improved hugely in one day..

it all feels mush  more doable. to have people  who are willing to much in and help

Master thank you  for everything you have shown me . how people can be so kind  , and how the love you create in me spreads into other people and  brings joy to  so many and they just throw it back at me .

a happy and healthy positive attitude brings so many happy and positive things back.

 I love You xxx


11/24/2013 1:59:15 PM

im so happy . today  I did some gardening and moved some logs...  I woke up in the best mood  since forever ! 

I went and  got some Christmas  gifts for my friends...and family  im  so  blessed to have them - some from the BDSM community r/t   some online and other vanilla friends .

and my family....gosh they are so super they've really  rallied round to help me do this place up. always comes back to you ... by allowing myself to not pretend  to be  invincible its allowed  people to  reach out to me and help me. xxxxx

You  make my life  so good... better than  I ever though it coud be 

11/21/2013 4:40:26 PM

what a wonderful night ! I had so much fun I forgot to do my  journal before 12 !

its so nice to spend time with Master  He makes me so happy   and so lovely to see our friends xxxxxxxxxxx


11/20/2013 1:06:24 PM

i have so much to be thankful for. there are so many less fortunate.

My eyes have been opened , so has my heart. and filed  with  so much  wonder. if only people saw the world  with my eyes x

alas so many cant.

“There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.”

thankyou Master for turning my world into something  so beautiful

11/19/2013 2:04:47 PM

it was so cold out today when  I went for my  walk ...but coming home and slipping into bed onto the electric blanket I thoughtfully turned on before I went out ..... the heat of it delicious and setting my  cold flesh  prickling back into life..

Master  chatting , laughing with  myself and darling  foxy..

W/wwe are so fortunate x

tomorrow is set to be another beautiful day.

Master I love you so much  , thank  you  for being my rock xxxx


11/18/2013 2:19:10 PM

waking from  time schewed dreams , 5 minutes or 5 hours.? who can tell ..

memories of my time with  Master woven through surreal but beautifully  rendered mindscapes  filled  with all sensations  scents sounds feelings...all in  high definition.

I believe when I have seen Master my mind misses  the intensity of the wonder of U/us and like the late life blind see images when those parts of their brain are no longer used my mind takes me to  a  world when I sleep .

I adore you  fill my waking hours and my sleeping hours too .... I am so thankful x


11/17/2013 1:22:29 PM


asking .

I have never thought to ask for help ... through my life ive always shouldered my burdens alone and uncomplaining  seeing them as a challenge and a joy  not merely a weight .

ive always managed one way or another.

now..when  things are hard for me sometimes  I struggle to open up...and I just dig in and work.but ive learned I don't need to do that.. when  times are tough, ask. reach out to friends and loved ones. give them the opportunity to give. its such a humbling thing..but a thing  filled with love

ive always helped others and had such  joy doing so . and now I am helped. I see it from the other side.

a cold day  - but out walking with my son laughing and enjoying , I am suddenly struck by how   happy  my life is..and how lucky I am.

I am owned by the lovliest  most thoughtful and supportive man

I have some dear friends who are willing to  come and help me , spend their time with me .

I feel more connected ....asking .its simple but it makes the magic happen


11/16/2013 11:45:59 AM


 o is for orgasm

11/15/2013 1:09:18 PM

my house is finally  coming together and looking more like a home ...I can see light at the end of the tunnel..its difficult right now as all the rooms need  some small  things doing to have them  finished.... but they are so close......that I can finally see its working .

 Master has been so wonderful ,  so supportive and kind . He knows  when im  frustrated , desolate tired and worn with it all  without me saying .

 when i am sick He  comforts me,  when I am lost  He guides me . When I feel alone He  nurtures me and when I feel weak He supports...He gives me focus and strength and takes away my fear and pain.

When I am at my lowest. He watches over me even as I sleep , the nights I have woken and He is there  ever constant   be it midnight or 4 am there to  soothe me and close my eyes and enfold me in His love and help me back to peaceful slumber.

I am so blessed, and so grateful and so in awe , He just gives His all  selflessly and never leaves me needing .


11/14/2013 1:53:54 PM

I only have 6 admirers on cm she said  and one of them is licking a knife - lols.


I got so much done today......Master........just thankyou . that's really sums it up..... your strength  help and encouragement make all the difference to my life

I have never been as happy and settled as I am   right now.

I owe you everything

11/13/2013 5:58:23 AM

Master  always  encourages  me to improve my knowledge and understanding of those things I am interested in , things I  don't understand ..... those things  I want  to know more about .

im encouraged to grow  and improve constantly  but without ever feeling that in  some way the way I am now isn't good enough .

recently ive been watching ted talks . I highly recommend them to anyone as a small soundbite  to wet ones intellectual appetite on a subject  and be the lead to the rabbit hole of information  you can  find on the www . ( yes  folks  its not just for wanking )

I find the intellectual stimulation  utterly joyous , and so often I find when I  go to Master with the new shiny thing I have  learned.....He already knows it !  - laughs

so Master I want to say thank  you . when I get  things so wrong with my thinking ,  for encouraging me to just get out there and learn about a subject instead of just telling me where im wrong  x ive grown so much in the last year... I really cant wait  for the next .

 I love you Master x ♥

11/12/2013 2:02:36 AM

Freethought is a philosophical

viewpoint that holds opinions should be formed on the basis of logic

, reason

, and empiricism

, rather than authority

, tradition

, or other dogmas




The cognitive application of freethought is known as "freethinking", and practitioners of freethought are known as "freethinkers".[1]


Freethought holds that individuals should not accept ideas proposed as truth

without recourse to knowledge

and reason

. Thus, freethinkers strive to build their opinions on the basis of facts

, scientific inquiry

, and logical

principles, independent of any logical fallacies

or the intellectually limiting effects of authority

, confirmation bias

, cognitive bias

, conventional wisdom

, popular culture

, prejudice

, sectarianism

, tradition

, urban legend

, and all other dogmas

. Regarding religion

, freethinkers hold that there is insufficient evidence to support the existence of supernatural


A line from "Clifford's Credo" by the 19th-century British mathematician and philosopher William Kingdon Clifford

perhaps best describes the premise of freethought: "It is wrong always, everywhere, and for anyone, to believe anything upon insufficient evidence."

11/11/2013 11:48:56 AM

under my stairs I found not one but two Christmas trees.., I think its so important to celebrate when life brings us an opportunity  to do so .

they are so pretty. no lights as yet...but even as they are I can tell  they'll just be perfect.

Im so fortunate,  the fire is roaring in the grate and I have Christmas decorations to make  along with  finishing the house....its just the impetus I needed ..I had a wonderful time with Master , He always  knows  when  my energy is at its lowest and  never lets me down x.

if W/we are here  or at His place or when He so kindly takes me away for a break .

life is so  much  better with love and support xxxxx


11/10/2013 6:56:51 AM

oxytocin... an interesting hormone , the morality hormone .

its produced by closeness and empathy . by making love by breastfeeding your children its responsible  for making us able to be close to  other people without being agitated.

people that don't have the receptors  for this  are practically sociopaths.( as studies have  confirmed )

the relationship of this hormone with the brain and trust and closeness can be damaged by  bad nurturing as a child or  abusive relationships as an well ....I just want to say.....regular rough( but very affectionate ) sex makes a girl feel loved and more bonded and happier in her life....a better balanced person  more able to  bond and bring love to others kinder and more altruistic ... I like to call this ....fuck therapySealed

my own  treatment is coming along very nicely...... and soon as I can  pee without fear and erm  sit straight  ( gloats ) im sure my general smugness will abate and ill be back to being the unsmug innocent kind altruistic charming giving  little angel  you know and love..Innocent


Oxytocin (Oxt) /












is a mammalian

neurohypophysial hormone

, (secreted by the posterior pituitary gland

), that acts primarily as a neuromodulator

in the brain


Oxytocin plays roles in sexual reproduction

, in particular during and after childbirth

. It is released in large amounts after distension of the cervix

and uterus

during labor, facilitating birth

, maternal bonding

, and, after stimulation of the nipples

, lactation

. Both childbirth and milk ejection result from positive feedback


Recent studies have begun to investigate oxytocin's role in various behaviors, including orgasm

, social recognition

, pair bonding

, anxiety

, and maternal behaviors.[2]

For this reason, it is sometimes referred to as the "bonding hormone". There is some evidence that oxytocin promotes ethnocentric

behavior, incorporating the trust and empathy of in-groups

with their suspicion and rejection of outsiders.[3]

Furthermore, genetic differences in the oxytocin receptor

gene (OXTR) have been associated with maladaptive social traits such as aggressive behaviour.[4]


11/9/2013 3:06:20 PM

a wonderful  break away....Bath  was sunny as we sat under the trees outside a café...the cobbles and chatter of passing people ..  the scent of vanilla black tea  held in my hands warming them ....buttery golden light through still lime green leaves.... Master reading His newspaper  the light softly illuminating His profile...such  happy moments...wandering through  the streets  pretty shops lined up like exquisitely decorated chocolates in a box.. windows full of Christmas and beautiful things.....Master watches my childlike delight and insists that I have a gift...and upon close scrutiny  I chose a brightly painted mirror with a brush  hidden inside  for my bag... so that whenever I check my lipstick or my hair......I  will hold it  and be reminded of how good it felt to be with Him  there at that moment .

there is live music in the streets and the smells of autumn and good food and coffee. .Nordic patterns and the scents of winter candles  fill the doorways and window displays .

the bustle of  the indoor market  where Master buys  me vanilla tea to take home with me as I love it so much and cant get it here.

inside the baths the soft clouded water  as limpid as the blue green eye of  cream  filled cat  steam gently....and throw patterns on the crumbly golden stone walls. and to one side the thing I have wished to see again for so long.a special place for me where I take time to  be thankful and say what I need to say and finally to  cast my offering into the waters.

the cottage ... used to be a barn  the fire is roaring the bed is rumpled  the view outside  rolling hills  sheep , sunsets..... and inside....there is love and laughter and wine Master takes me to our bed and  floods my world  with  pleasure, lying there warm and encased by His arms.His breathing soft His hands rough His smile as He does what he does,im unable to  do anything but beg Him for orgasm over and over flooded  with  sensation  till  the intoxication of it itself is so heady its a torture.then deep slumber...the shower stings my skin where  His love has left its mark on me. I cook for Him and watch Him  eating happy and relaxed.and as we leave...... always thinking of me and my happiness He throws me the jumper. to take when I rest tonight I feel close to Him still .♥


11/7/2013 1:54:37 PM
I am having a wonderful time I am so fortunate x I love you Master

11/2/2013 2:10:06 PM

Master  helps and  guides me in so many things. I lean  on Him so heavily  and he never lets me down, forever constant kind and strong .

the more I learn  the more I see how truly lucky   I am .

I know that  sometimes people are confused by my smile.. and the delight I have in my life.

and I feel  sorry for them , I try to show people how to  see the world with new eyes... so they can allow themselves to be truly happy....

I hope someday  they will .

because I am  the luckiest happiest girl in the world....and id wish that for everyone

10/31/2013 4:27:21 PM

Master You are my smile.x

10/31/2013 4:23:59 PM

10/29/2013 6:21:10 AM

slowly His key slips into the lock and twists - the lock  embraces it hungrily  this is what it was created for  

as he turns the key new understanding makes itself  known - moving forward into conciousness  , shambling out of the long locked rooms of my mind some blinking and unsteady some too shy to  come forward even with the doors of their cells unlocked

.one part has a special resident  sometimes i think she is a prisoner  sometimes i  think she is the warden.but one thing i do know...She loves Master very much


10/28/2013 10:45:59 AM

welcome to the dark side of the year .....

my room is dark and warm  the rain falls outside this is the night after the storm that i slept through as if it was a lullaby ,

and in this room smelling of perfume ... the bed is piled high  with  cushions and warm bedding . , my special place.i bring back  the memories  of my day and view them  like a child with a pocket  full of sea washed flotsam , each stone each shell a jewel to be examined and enjoyed.

.my life...reminds me of Master in so many ways ,sunshine and daisy chains , the radiated warmth of a concrete floor and the cool  intimacy of a breeze on my naked flesh,the cold and wind and snow of walking  with Him  and holding His hand for the first time the smells of autumn the wanders through woodland me chattering and excited and Him  as always  watchful and indulgent ..and this room  reminds me of His love and tenderness, how He  holds me close all night and if i wake.... i find Him there watching over me . it reminds me of His smile.and how he brushes the bed tousled hair from my face and pulls me close to Him to settle back down once more into slumber  where i belong.

10/27/2013 5:28:27 AM


the misted window  a view into  the garden and the past.

finding it in need of cleaning I stand and wadding paper I wipe off the moisture and dust  rain streaks the outside and its gentle tamber and sudden brilliant surge of sunlight yolk  gold and  warm as whisky I find my mind and eye drawn back to a time many years before..the corner of this window  outside ...should have a kiss on it . for a moment I remember her smile .

like the girl herself the  kiss is gone .




10/26/2013 3:37:57 PM

what a beautiful mind grows all the time....who knew ?

giggles x

 i love you Master

10/24/2013 11:03:10 AM

the outside  of the house is painted  in its entirety !!! finally and just before the winter im so pleased  and everyone is coming back tomorrow to help  some more  - im so grateful.

the house looks  so much better .

and ive got  more help over the weekend too .

im so happy to have some help  at last.

10/23/2013 4:00:57 PM

before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true , is kind, is necessary , is helpful. if the answer is no then maybe what you  are about to say  should be left unsaid

 Bernard Meltzer 


such a busy day. and its not stopped yet .

it was so important today  to  see in acton the truth that hard work pays off..more of my home is painted. my daughter was happy , darling  foxxy got some things she worked so hard for  as did dear touki ....bumbum and i shared a laugh and i saw frustration and tears but i know .....there will be smiles in the future 

ive travelled this path before and theres sunlight at the end .


Master as always  thank you . you make me a better person and strong enough to do what i  must. i cant ever truly repay you for all youve given me .but at least i see it and appreciate it for what it is.

10/22/2013 5:26:50 AM

held there in the palm of His hand - reduced to my essence .all other things stripped away. and all that is left is me...His slave. His concubine reminded in the purest sense of who and what i am .

the joy of it ....the heady rapture of that feeling . minds connecting  mingling till there is only one.

ONE voice  ONE will ONE desire

and me..not consumed by the flames but warmed comforted lulled and bewitched enthralled

sometimes people say - what does your Master make you do ? and how are you punished ?

My Master makes me do  nothing , its my very great privelege to be able to  serve Him and be blessed with  His wisdom and love .

and punishment ? the only one that could ever truly punish me is to  be without Him.


10/21/2013 3:01:16 PM

im so damn lucky.....

the connection  I have with Master , W/we feed eachother  and think so alike.he makes me laugh so !!!

I adore His company.......I adore U/us making love... I adore His company  and time with Him walking and chatting and watching Him eat the food I prepare with love.

and today I learned He loves apple crumble  so i have an opportunity to  raid my tree and spoil Him rotten  along  with His favourite coffee...... I cant wait !!

10/20/2013 6:45:34 AM

distant thunder......bright sunlight and heavy downpours....the weather here is so contrasting and sharp..... but i managed to take my daily walk without getting soaked..

always a plus .

my morning spent  with Master was  wonderful... im very fortunate and reminded how very lucky i am to wear His collar..

no one has ever made me so blissfully happy in my  whole life...

and as W/we grow and i learn i hope that i will always be a pleasure to Him  too.

he  only deserves the very best me i can be.....all of me x

10/19/2013 5:55:05 AM

today as the rain hits my  window...and the warmth of this mornings time with Master radiates through  me .

as the langourous eroticism still courses through  me teasing  with insistant fingers.

as His smile  turns my stomach to  butterflies



10/18/2013 4:21:31 PM

what a beautiful day. Master spent time wit me thismorning and i am so happy i could  burst  im on such a high !

i was having trouble unwinding to go to sleep i stayed in chat for a while.but now im off to bed to dream of Master....

cant wait to see you Master xxxxxxxx i love you  so much

10/17/2013 5:52:37 AM

well - performance anxiety  having to  pee for a test while a  guard waits outside....... sighs

again thank you Master .. laughs, I don't think I could have managed it  without your help ... you  utterly... thank you  so much for last night  ,  You are so precious to me  and I just could never imagine  my life  without being at Your side.

thoughts of you always with me and You bring  be strength  comfort and  joy.

 I am  looking forward to seeing You  so much x



10/16/2013 12:36:06 PM

finally i slept...i still woke during the night  and woke early thismorning , but my sleep was raf  more restful ....i suspect being over tired  just floored me in the end .

today finally  i got some help  and someone else worked like a dog here at home . and i went out with my oldest and had a break  doing other things.

the  fire burns warm in the hearth and the house is quiet and smelling of home cooked food...

small pleasures....

when all i really want is Master .. without Him  life would be a mouth  full of ashes..

he brings me the such  joy and makes me feel so special...nothing else  compares.


10/15/2013 2:45:27 PM

i dont know what to write here......i dont know where my mind is many thoughts .

Master is at the forefront  as always.

and i am so emotions have  worn me till i need to sleep so badly..... lets hope my dreams let me 

Master i adore you with allmy heart.....


10/14/2013 2:10:02 PM

the day after the night before still rattled ,an evening with my inner demons reminds me how I frighten myself. it as a good reminder of work still to be done .

Masters words my anchor n the storm of my own emotions, as always my whole world revolves around the strong foundation that He is for me , today I went outside as the evening was coming and filled a bag with logs...... I always find the day after im  hyper sensitive to everything , my clothes touch  me unbearably  food  tastes too strong ..  smells make me reel away- but some things......

the feel of the cool mossy logs iin my hands....the scent of mould and leaflitter and the still soft warm  earth pungent and healthy stirred up  by my footfall .. the smoke scented  cool air full of trees and the soul and the autumn ..... the hint of ripening fruit and the approaching night  the soft sounds of birds settling to sleep ....the coolness of the air  on my skin.... all soothing and beautiful and good..... I stood a time and breathed it all in . giddy almost  with the feel of it all ...everything reminds me of Master..the quiet heathy earthiness of Him, the warmth of  the fire in  my hearth the sense of calm  and belonging....♥

10/13/2013 12:04:56 PM

i think if the weather is good ...tomorrow I will paint more outside.

its good to keep  my focus on achieving the things I need to,  to move on.

or maybe ill burn some more stuff...

and I am looking forward to spending  some time with Master tomorrow..x

10/12/2013 3:00:55 PM

somedays life conspires against me in a frantic cruel game of catch up all it seems set out to stop me enjoying my time with Master

and then  life........... outside life but......well Master knows I love Him and try my hardest.

things are often  not as people see on the outside  im a private person...but Master knows me like no one else.....

10/11/2013 6:37:52 AM

well it seems that  very soon I will be employed...... I have the job ... just waiting for hours. 

so that's good...  and I know how Master likes me to  be gainfully employed... itll  be good to have some money coming in too .....its probably only till Christmas... but im still happy.



10/10/2013 12:29:30 PM

nearly Friday.....the week has passed....... im so thankful it has.

Master is always on my mind - it was an odd day. up early out in the city...I love to wander the market... all the fresh fruit meat fish and veg......the breads and cheese.... I love food. I really  do....and its such a good market.

it always makes me thing of  cooking for Master xxxxxx I  like that best.

10/9/2013 2:53:42 PM

the  doldrums passed  quickly.....

and today was a very good day...filled with laughter and  sunshine and cleaning and painting .

tomorrow brings a job interview - and a trip to see a man about a fireplace.

Master called me  and so  very easily fixes what ails me ..... Hes  so very good for me.

I cant wait till He is home...x

I am so lucky to have someone who speaks so  well to  those parts of me that no one else ever had a hope of .

I have a foot in  two camps  both darkness and light ...and He is my light.....he warms me and illuminates my world..draws me forward into the light of His love and care when I need it..... and slips as comfortably into the shadows as I one else I have ever known belongs in both worlds  as I do. angel ? devil?- shrugs.. its all down  to  viewpoint really.

He is my soulmate...and. my love.


10/8/2013 10:54:31 AM

All in a hot and copper sky,The bloody Sun, at noon,'Right up above the mast did stand,No bigger than the Moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, no breath no motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

10/7/2013 3:37:25 PM

she wakes and while in that dreamy morning state the phone calls her into sharper consciousness.

His voice soft and welcoming ushers her into the day, they talk about the mundane delights her mind on his melodic tones.....softly meandering , listening to every change of  pace every note of amusement  she is lulled and content and full of love for this  Man  who charms her.

suddenly a change in His direction  makes  butterflies in her stomach as He orders her to pleasure herself for Him..... He speaks to her....relaxed ,controlling her pleasures as they travel on a new journey, this time He drinks Her In  , the rapid breath and eventually how she begs Him  for her  sexual release.....He holds her viewing a piece of amber against a window....holding her in that moment and watching the light stream through her made suddenly beautiful and glowing  by His touch.


10/6/2013 5:28:37 PM

i  will Miss You Master  she says -

and her heart is so heavy and agonised  with the thought of Him being away...but shes being brave.

ill call you at 9..... he ready.....and  her little mind explodes.....

10/5/2013 5:25:55 AM

life reminds me that I am so fortunate

in my Master I have found a man that makes me whole, one I trust without  a moment of hesitation , His intentions are always for my betterment  happiness and security  His every action reflects his love for me , my body and mind are His property and in his care I am sheltered.

so many people have so many worries in life.... I only have 1.

serving my Master as best I can  and always striving to improve.

I realise now that doesn't mean I have to be perfect.....and I don't need to  beat myself up if I think im not.... because He  just great....and hes never wrong . I feel I  have faults..... He knows  what I think they  are   and together  He helps me to overcome the parts of me that stand in the way of me being content.....oddly.... ive often  been  moulded into being  a creature that fills another persons ideal.. and now im being moulded into a person  that I  think is ideal.. Master  helps me to be the best me I can be , at any given time...rewards my progress and discusses and helps me to accept my failures and pushes me to  work tirelessly to improve upon them till  they  no longer exist.


10/4/2013 11:37:03 AM

m quiet time is coming again - the winter of my mind , my light will be gone from  my  world for a few days.

 I have my orders and things to accomplish, and inside  quietly I will wait. life will carry on and outwardly people  will have no idea.... that inside like a seed I will be waiting  for Him  to return  like spring sunshine  and  bring light and love to my life again .

I must make sure tonight to wash His jumper.... so I can wear it , it no longer smells of Him  but is still a very great comfort to me as I lie in my bed and curl up to dream of Him

 its part of the cycle of my life now...x

Master I love You x



10/3/2013 7:11:34 AM

my mind is awakening

once where  I had no answers to Masters questions.....after a year of His tireless work , slowly I begin to have answers.

slowly when asked my mind begins to  give up its secrets I feel myself blossom, and see so starkly  how my service has been lacking - and never once has Master chided me. discouraged me with a harsh word...always slowly moving toward His goal, patient  resilient undeniable

this body.....that my  soul inhabits , belongs to Him. truly as evidenced by its forming itself to His needs at his command.

this filled with love and deeper knowledge is His soul...His light warms it and makes it not merely living .. but alive.

and this mind.......... the slowest to  grasp the changes has held me back.

bit by bit He has so tenderly removed the barriers in my mind, His touch  so skilled , no rush, no force. He could always see who I was , when I did not I day  I hope..  I will become His Masterpiece and be the slave and courtesan  He deserves

10/2/2013 4:12:40 PM

I am so blessed to be owned by such a man...

He brings comfort and guidance to all  who need it and who are willing to allow Him to help.

His capacity for care  and sincere empathy for others  ( myself included ) is a thing of wonder to me,  I don't know how He can give so much .

and I am so honoured to be His alpha... His companion ,His helper where needed , and im so proud that he trusts me with  such a role.

Master if I  have never said it...I want to now..You have changed my life.. helped me to become a better  stronger person and in Your care  I learn so much, I truly appreciate the gifts You have given me.

10/1/2013 3:54:11 PM

in  his Wisdom I am humbled......

9/30/2013 7:47:39 AM

He wanders round inside my mind, strong gentle masculine and deeply erotic,

He strokes and touches  speaks  to my inner voices. calls them speaks to them

he calls my body responds without my conscious mind to  guide  it  he owns me .

my  mind  and soul relinquish themselves to Him utterly and in that release there is such raw desire

a warm quiet state utterly surrendered to His will my heart beating slow and strong my breathing soft....goosepimples running over my  skin nothing  but the compulsion a deep yearning to serve

my eyes become limpid in  this deep narcotic state I thrill to  the mellifluent result of His dulcet voice and I am whole... and perfect and carried into bliss  in this gracious state.


9/29/2013 1:50:26 PM

its always so good to see Master , I don't always get things right  but  he knows I try.. and never punishes me unduly... such a change in me, where now I can be wrong and deal with  doing better instead of feeling powerless and useless .

I  owe Him so much.... and the trust He places on me is never underestimated unappreciated  or taken for granted.

I am  His word His will made manifest....and it is an honour to serve..

I love you Master

9/28/2013 1:09:45 PM

I lay in my bed today , my  little nest full of dreams and warm languid stretches  wearing my Masters jumper..  its my favourite thing to  do  when  He isn't  with me..... I lie eyes  softly  closed...mind not fully awake drifting in and out of sleep....He fills my mind...his voice  the remembered pleasure of His warmth and presence in my bed. How he caresses and wakes me.....sighing  softly I stretch out under the covers and feel the delicious tingle thoughts of Him create .

and so often  not wanting it to end.......I close my eyes and return to Him  in my mind..

my Master  my lover  my life.


9/27/2013 4:38:59 PM

okay enough stick - ive edited my list of likes........... thank you  for pointing out its changed Master. and Draygon too x

9/26/2013 3:55:56 PM

I love you Master I can  tell im going to have a lot of fun with  the video entry.....xxxxxx

9/26/2013 3:44:51 PM

9/26/2013 7:03:48 AM

9/25/2013 3:03:07 PM

He is my life... my love my breath , in His service all things are possible.  no door is closed to me .... no moment where He wavers from His care of me.

constant...... strong..... His service I blossom .... and feel truly happy.


9/24/2013 8:07:48 AM

through my life my need to serve was deeply I ingrained the need to have your  internal assertiveness and correctness  verified by one other significant person..

 I am not a submissive....... I am alpha  and honoured to be in service of my Master


I am not obvious. my rationale not blatant..... anyone who asks the right question will get the right  answer



now what re the questions ?

9/23/2013 8:56:41 AM

a beautiful day ....... the sun shone ....I learned Master is my religion (  don't ask  but the god botherers in the city preaching at me got a bit of a shock ....they  told me how their god makes them feel and I agreed and said my Master  made me feel the same )

touki is coming to stay tonight .......

and life is  wonderful ......... I am so blessed.... so damn lucky. and so in love...

seriously I am so fortunate...... to  be owned by a man  that guides me so well . who  only seeks me to be everything I can and to always be happy and fulfilled.

to be controlled through   compassion understanding  and strength,  sometimes people say .. what does your Master make you do .... and the reply shocks them......absolutely nothing .

I serve only because I chose to ...and anything he wishes  if its within my power.... its my  deep pleasure to give.... and in doing  so .. my heart soars. x


9/22/2013 12:35:39 PM

now I understand the true meaning of a change of heart...... I have matured emotionally in my own  way.. and understand things now I never did ....

women  don't hate me

men are afraid of me

im so used to needing to be right and strong I  am inflexible

I often fail  to understand other people but it doesn't make them wrong .....well it often does..... but not always

I didn't understand myself or my own drives at all ....

but there is a joy in service for me....where I am not made to do anything .. I truly  have a deep  need to serve a Man  who I trust admire  and adore.

the more I understand the more I  am truly in awe....... Master I am  so  grateful to you.. and.... im learning  all the time  to be better x

9/21/2013 7:25:12 AM

so many changes  since December -

the last year really has been a  big turn around for me - I am  owned by GrandWizard- now im back in my  old home renovating it -  my daughter is carrying my grandson -and touki  is coming to stay  - its all very different..

You  know Master  there isn't another man in the world I would obey... but You make serving You a great  honour and pleasure. You bring change and happiness to  all you  touch .

 I am so  proud of You. and so proud  to be owned by You.


9/20/2013 2:00:42 PM

i slept so well ...wearing Masters jumper - laughs  im sure its all in my mind  but it soothes me and helps me sleep... i had some lovely dreams all full of my Master and   friends . im so looking forward  to touki  coming to stay- its going to be great.....i have so many things for him to do........... LAUGHS  hes going to be  quite the busy boy... today i will be  burning things in the garden  a  good old manly passtime !! Master i adore you  so much

9/19/2013 10:03:56 AM

 my home is beginning to look so lovely......its suddenly  starting to come together. .its been  tough  emotionally. strangely... but I suppose being in a place that's such a mess  with  so much  to do  to  it has really been getting me down .... now I can see things in a different light .Master has been so  supportive through it all I doubt I would have been able  to  cope without Him- today im finishing some painting  and tomorrow I will have a fire outside and burn  some waste from the garden -  never can tell . maybe ill have some garden to put  plants in soon !  laughs...... instead of a wasteland....

really its all a tribute to my Masters care of me ...... I am  so fortunate ... and so in love. xxxxxxx

9/18/2013 11:15:01 AM

a few days - and a huge change in me .... I went out and got more paint today , and instead of dreading the idea of all the work still to do I am actually excited to be getting on with it I can see how  the house will  look when its done ...... back to being a home ...and im so happy  to see it coming back to its former glory...

soon  when its finished  I can  put it on  the market... and phase 2 begins...

I will sell up and buy a new home and do it all over again laughs !!!!

Master thankyou  for  all of your encouragement ...its made such a difference to  be supported and helped and nurtured ...its a new thing for me . to feel  like im  not  shouldering all the weight myself.... I appreciate it  so much ..... and everything else you  do for me.


9/17/2013 2:58:22 PM

oh......... im lost for words. I have had a wonderful break away  with Master - it was just what I needed..... im  so  happy and fortunate was the most wonderful time....and Master gave me His jumper to wear.......and take home.... its lovely like having a hug from Him  whenever I wear it.....♥  I love you Master xxxxxxxxxx

9/13/2013 5:20:29 AM

heres where I take my own advice and get my journal  done early.....


I know my Master is proud of me and how I have grown and rounded out in  His care.


but I don't think I ever say  how proud I am of Him,  Master is such a good man, He spreads His love and care and generosity of spirit  and  when I see how people react to  His company  my heart swells  with pride...He is so  wonderful and warm and kind....and people  blossom in  his light... I see the saddest faces  the biggest problems  melt away and leave smiles in His wake.. the weight of their  problems lifted..... and all that's left in their place is joy.

what a gift...... to give to He gives  to me ... freedom from  fear. a respite and practical help and support to fix lifes problems. not merely  cotton candy platitudes. but actual help...I am so  happy I have Him in my life.. and so proud of the help He  gives others.

Master I love you... and im  proud to be your slave . x

9/12/2013 12:17:46 PM

what a frustrating day - I  had visitors and couldn't spend time with Master.

 I HATE THAT so much.....

im so excited to be seeing Him - and I want to spend  my time speaking  with  Him and enjoying...........sighs.....

Master is my  world.......and so many other things are just irritations..

9/11/2013 3:17:08 PM

I learn  so much every day......I have learned that.....1. spiders can be the size of mice

2 if I ask  for help  Master will help me - ive never had that before...

3  tomorrow  start my journal  earlier . ♥

9/10/2013 2:40:31 PM

oh I learn  so many new things every day.....Master sees me better than  I see myself often.

its so  good to be loved and nurtured by Him....x

He makes me feel so takes me back to a time when as a small child the moments  of tender oblivion..... listening to a story. or walking or playing  where.

the outside world simply isn't of any concern. there is only the moment .

9/9/2013 3:45:22 AM



yep that just happened

9/8/2013 4:08:36 PM

this - is my  quiet time

the fire in my home is banked high with logs and the sweet smoke fills the cooling air outside,  the quiet crackle and spit of dry wood and the soft amber glow reflecting off the wooden  floor  plays a gentle duet  with the soft rain and moonlight on my windows.

My stomach is filled with good  home cooked  food.

on my bed the extra blanket and feather pillows make a soft and welcome resting place..

tomorrow...I will see my daughter full of smiles with my unborn grandson inside her .

 upstairs my son...softly spoken friend , young  but old is laughing  filling the house with mirth and manly robustness...

and all of this....all of the comfort,  the love, to be in  MY home ..with my family....all of it I owe to my Master who brought about change in my life and healed me.

some people can set a sickness in your soul, take away the love you have for yourself and veil  your eyes . they cloud your mind  and poison  your perception  and its only  when its lifted  that you truly see .

Master freed me.... my choices now are  made out of love not out of fear, and in this quiet I wait  for my Master to return my heart is warm with thoughts of Him and my mind  filled with His wisdom- I hear His  voice - it tells me of happiness and hope.

.. I want to speak a truth for anyone reading this..

chose carefully what you say to yourself....YOU are listening - say it too often and you'll begin  to believe it.

9/7/2013 4:28:17 AM

what a day - filled with  sunshine and dappled light through the trees ,  swooping massing clouds of  pigeons , a Princess and a Prince getting married in a castle.. me drunk on  laughter and  wine  surrounded  by  so many small souls, tiny cherubs  with bright eyes and pink cheeks full of life and innocence , and then  coming hone to my Master  and Him putting me to bed.... and staying  with  me.....watching over me .....pleasuring my  mind and body.

so  much Love....... I am so happy and so fortunate.... my life is beautiful.

And in 7 days  I will be with Master xxxxxxxxxx I just cant wait.

9/3/2013 4:24:16 PM

what a busy day...... I had no time for anything!- I cant remember the last time I was so frazzled.... laughs


but all's well  everyone around me is settled and happy.... i've worked hard and received my Master is proud of me and told me well done.....

 words that are so golden to me.....


and now to sleep ...........tomorrow beckons !

9/2/2013 2:26:43 PM

He makes my life what it is today, His love and care shines out of me- fills me to the brim and spills out of me and gives me the strength  to nurture others .

thankyou  Master for  helping me to grow and  for honouring me  with opportunity  to care for  touki and foxy x

and welcome to Jeanie  the newest member of  our family. xxxxxxxxxxxx

9/1/2013 3:52:39 PM


8/31/2013 4:18:32 PM

He..cannot  be human  could bestow the gifts He bestows on me..

8/30/2013 3:28:11 PM

pro·ac·tive [proh-ak-tiv]  Show IPA  adjective  serving to prepare for, intervene in, or control an expected occurrence or situation,  especially a negative or difficult one;

My Master who i adore greatly , has always  wished that i might be more proactive, at first he told me the word*PROACTIVE*  and asked me to remember it.  then at a later date  He asked what was the word  that He asked me to remember ? , i did of course forget it ...hence not being proactive at all . Proactivity  in  Masters service,  thinking what might please and offering it to Him , thinking ahead, making efforts to offer Him things, actions that may please Him , even though i am  painfully eager to serve my love drives me to  wish to  please my Master  with every  molecule of me i am  passionate in my service, i delight in  the prospect of even the slightest chance to  make Him happy , proactively offering is very difficult for me, anything my Master asked of me i would give Him in a heartbeat, but i am  very aware that because i dont understand some things...i  think i am  proactive in the care comfort and control of the people Master asks me to take care of i  feel  its my  duty to and an honour  to be asked to care for them and i try my very  best to make Him proud .I am proactive in adapting how i look to please Master and to make sure that i am as attractive as i can be  for him at any time. i  am learning to  be appropriately proactive when people are rude to Master.. some are to be left and some are to be  killed. but.....i am very aware.......painfully  so occasionally . i  need to  please Master so much  i want to do something  but i have no idea what it is., i dont understand  concepts like slutty.-  dirty- a tramp - floozy-.......all that stuff. .i see no wrong i dont have the social conditioning  never have , this is my body and with it i honour my Masters wishes...and for me... i could be doing anything with it and it would be an act of devotion  and love .but that isnt proactive enough ....

8/29/2013 4:04:31 PM

Master provides me  with  all  I me all the tools I need to succeed  prosper and thrive in His service.

Guides me....Shows me the way......gently.....and under His tutelage I see myself grow.

sometimes I don't understand  sometimes I fail sometimes that feels to me like the worst thing in the world..i crumble inside I am overwhelmed with the emotions I drown in them, but I know now...Masters hand  will  reach down to mine, and in His wisdom and in His mercy I am sheltered.

He brings me comfort and solace. and never allows me to  give up on myself..He is my Life.

and I have never been as fulfilled as I am  right now.

8/28/2013 10:52:20 AM

i went shopping not something I often do  for anything other than  flowers for a bridal bouquet... and Master bought me a dress..and stockings..

as a family we will  be there purple white and black....Master thank you , for always  treating me so well , ive never been treated  like this in my life. and I am  so grateful  for Your guidance care and  nurture of me. i  will make sure to  make You proud..

You deserve only the best  I can  give you in my service....I gladly  kneel to you Master  with love in my heart not because you bought me a dress....but because you THOUGHT to....I am always in your thoughts Master , and for the first time I know what it is to  be owned and appreciated and to feel cared for, not as an afterthought - or a bother- but as someone who is loved and valued.



8/27/2013 2:59:54 PM

Today I worked hard again - the front of the house is taking some painting but its getting there.....and looks so much better - I wanted  to  do more tomorrow but...... I have to get silk roses  to make a bridal bouquet will be so good to  do some floristry again - I did it for 6 years.....and did it well ,  so it pleases me hugely to have  the opportunity  to  do so again ....and it makes me so proud  to be able to make it............ its a gift - and what a wonderful thing to  be entrusted to  do  for someone.....I really am  deeply honoured.

I cant wait to  see Master in the morning I am so empty when I don't see Him, He is my love. my life and time away from Him - even to sleep makes me  miss Him  so badly.


8/26/2013 11:22:43 PM

a day  without Master yesterday.....but I made it  count -with painting and so much work  to still be done in the house.-and Master very kindly  made time to  come and see me in the evening , He is so thoughtful.

I am so fortunate to have such a  wonderful Master who  helps  nurtures and supports me.

I adore Him so much.   in other news the charger cable for  my phone just died...... a real  nuisance

8/25/2013 12:49:04 PM

a beautiful day as always Master is right - a walk by the sea....good conversation with good company.. fine medicine indeed .

a day  filled with salty air and sunshine a very fine lunch and although I missed Master hugely... it was productive and just  what was needed...

I feel refreshed..

Master I adore you.....your wisdom as always guides  me.


8/24/2013 1:07:09 PM

oh the horrors  of a vanilla  hen  night ......

I was happy to go - but  so happy to come home....

its interesting how the whole mindset  differs...

one night they  feel they  need to get drunk  play with plastic cocks and behave badly..


not least not for me

there is a total disconnect...I have no interest in strippers bawdy behaviour drinking to collapse  being laddish  or any of that......... its a bit lost on me really...but it was lovely to see them all . and share a meal and have a laugh and a joke.....I really appreciated seeing them all  it was  just brings home to me how my life is  so different.....but its still good to  be with them  sometimes , thankyou Master for encouraging me to go x


8/23/2013 12:47:54 PM

i simply cant put into words the deep peace in my soul when I lie in my Masters arms.

the feeling of his skin next  to mine.... the warmth of him  soaking into  me..

His voice, His hands brushing the hair away from my strong but so tender.

never have I felt such  love



8/21/2013 4:26:44 AM

i hadn't realised till I got to  know Master  how thoughtless I can be.

its not an intentional thing  more that no one ever cared where I was , what I did .

its the small things that trip me.. someone comes to  the door  I don't ever

stop to think that it might  be the case Master would want to know who it is and if all is well

 I  do after all  live on a mountainside alone .

ive taken  care of myself for so long , since I was a small child really.

and then taken  care of others.. I have always been the one to make the decisions and  do

 all of the work.

 now... my life is shared with a Man who actually cares,  He cares where I am  if my day is  happy , if I am  well .

He cares for me....supports me and nurtures me , advises and  takes an interest in me.

its  quite alien to me- and I realise that my lack of understanding that this is the case and that Master likes to know things so He can help me  does frustrate Him  occasionally.

I am very  fortunate

8/20/2013 3:05:47 PM

well.......not long now......sleep tonight ............sleep tomorrow....... then I can go see Master

I have a stomach  full of pasty tart and a pint of  Guinness........... happy days .

I just cant wait to see Master , im  getting soppy in my old age......I don't just want to  get jiggy.. He  provides me with such  emotional comfort..... I just want  to  drown  in Him and heal my soul.

Master misses nothing.... He sees me so  clearly...... that being  with  Him  is like belonging ... like coming home...its so deeply satisfying.

He makes me so happy....I really couldn't begin  to describe  it adequately....

8/19/2013 2:48:39 PM

well.......... wonderful news for me im seeing Master on Thursday .! yayyyyyy

im so happy.

Hes so wonderful... I bet everyone who reads my profile gets tired of listening to me go on about how wonderful He is to me ...........but I cant help it.... I ADORE Master so much.xxxxx

im so happy  when  He comes to see me online and calls me and makes sure I  know how much  im  cared so blessed x

Master thankyou  for being  so make my life so happy ♥

8/18/2013 9:15:36 AM

a lot of people don't know this,  but I am6.... im not an adult playing a child or putting on childish clothes etc-  im  childlike....... I always have been , no matter how many times I see frogs and birdsand spiderwebs  i still view them with  wonder.....  a trip to the shop means sweets and stories and making a table into a tent is wonderful....

I fell over today and grazed my knee....its embarrassing , my 21 year old son picked me up and dusted me off and got me a plaster ( a hello kitty one ) it makes me feel  I spoke to  him about it and apologised for being childish.

He just smiled  and said childlike mother not childish...its very endearing .


yes im an adult and do all the things adults need to do , but maybe im  blessed to have retained that wonder for life....even when it means im prone to sit on the floor holding my knee and have to fight to not sob like a child- its a flipside that might be worth the price, im blessed to have  people that love me for it . not despite of it .

8/17/2013 3:10:09 PM

it takes all of my self control sometimes....... I just ache for Him, beyond all reason.................. sighs

8/15/2013 3:51:10 PM

I cant believe how lucky I have been , Master is having His busy time and has managed to  come and see me or speak to me or both most days... I am  so happy......I have no idea how He has managed to  do it..... but I an so grateful he has...

it means so much to me ... often  when Master is busy I struggle to  carry on with the things I need to . I curl up inside and  don't exist till He returns.....Master is so thoughtful...... He has left me things to  do  and has managed to see me and help support me and keep me  jollied along .....I appreciate all He does for me so much..... I don't think  I ever knew anyone could be so wonderful  and thoughtful......... I have to be the most fortunate girl in the  world.

oh...... and  .......

         I adore you  xxxx giggles



8/14/2013 2:35:45 PM

each day  I learn and appreciate anew  the many  way that Master cares for me ... the effort. the time the thought  - I have never been treated this way in my life..and... it shows me in many ways how my own behaviour is lacking .

I am so  fortunate to be owned by  such a wonderful man......



8/13/2013 2:24:31 PM

NEVER have I felt love as I do now.. never have I  been as supported  or felt as special and  important in another persons life.

Never have  I been so happy and fulfilled or felt I have value in another persons eyes.

Never have I known how it feels to be put first in another persons list of priorities , my health, my needs. my happiness......

Never has anyone fought in my corner made me feel safe and able to open up to them  100%.

I have always needed to be strong and carry the weight of my life and others...always needed to do  for myself ,  to endure quietly  to  just cope and struggle in my service. but not anymore. 

now.......I am truly owned...and deeply  happy.. Master  the words don't cover it  but......

thank you

8/11/2013 5:28:38 PM

I learned something today....

TPE IE.....reading a message on the boards I learned that not all  people are as

Master and I  ....not all people think  with one mind...... have one  aim- one goal

not all people believe their Master is correct  without question and believe His word is law

and live under one rule....not all people wish to live that way......

you never even crossed my mind that  this might be so .

why would anyone not wish  to follow the rule of the Man.....the Master that owns them

to be His tool , His clay....for His truth and word to be  love and believe him unequivocally without surrender and doubt...

I am freed from fear.......loved and filled with  wonder and complete trust in the knowledge

everything ...........EVERYTHING  that my Master  choses for me to do is in my best interest.

who wouldn't want that ?


8/10/2013 3:50:56 PM

Master pours his words on me like warm  honey like sunshine soaked afternoons of lazy sensual  luxuriousness....

His smiles toying  with  me watching the ripples of response across the surface of my consciousness ,  watching every part of my mind soak  Him in , my pupils  dilate lips part.... my breathing  quickens I can feel  all of me respond to His  words my body and mind liquid- as instant and unstoppable as reflex, my body is His and it listen  to Him only.. id like to hide my pleasure, have a little modesty.....but my mind is  open and greedy  for Him and suckles on him  like a hungry infant. I crave, ache  and desire only Him , those moments when He is in my mind touching me like 1000 fingers, those moments he allows me that  deep  pleasure the joy of joining my mind to His...intertwined interlaced....utterly fucking blissful in its depth and radiance.

8/9/2013 3:23:44 PM

measured, to his time , at his choosing, never selfish with his attentions he walks toward me and in his easy but purposeful stride intent exists.

I the warmth of his palm  touches my skin and the fingers wrap around my flesh and the flames of desire rage in me that there is nothing  I would not  do for one touch from  this man, and why? because he desires it so.

because we desire it so, because every atom   of my being belongs to this man and his touch reunites me with my creator.

I am ...........the beautiful  reflection of my loves affection  without him....... I am nothing.

8/8/2013 9:02:20 AM

Thankyou Master for allowing me to  having a lovely  young lady to visit.... I enjoyed her  company hugely , and im  so  happy that i am  owned by a man who encourages me in all the pleasures  of my life..i was also struck again  by the truth  that when  Master gave me 2 slaves to care for that it was such a huge honour...the trust He placed in me is huge... as it is from those I care for .

8/5/2013 4:22:34 PM

Masters love and care makes my life so full and  just a few months I have already made so many lovely memories beautiful  golden moments walking in snow nose all pink from the sunshine colours in stark contrast daisies in my hair, hours sat at His feet talking  and talking..His watch  ticking in the darkness of the bedroom at night , waking and seeing  him lying there so quiet and still watching me sleep bathed only in the light of the clock by the bed....... that smile in His eyes .. the fondness the closeness

His beautiful voice saying my name..i could easily go on  for days........ dissect every moment and describe each and every one,  I carry them all with me as sharp and clean and pure as the moment they happened.. I am blessed


8/4/2013 3:28:27 PM

 lesson in perception -being punished? 


and how did it feel  when you thought you were denied ?then strangely you learn you ARE being rewarded just not  with  an orgasm..

 you think an orgasm is a throw away thing  not a precious thing  but then  things all change  this worked for......didnt  you....and looked forward to.

you earned it ........... and it was denied you , now..........this orgasm .....suddenly  has  more importance than a mere fapp  this orgasm .........was special  and still is......slightly out of reach.... and suddenly important  all the feelings. you have....anger  frustration  longing .... all  focussed upon  the moment  of release... that special   moment  of permission   the mental piece of grit in the oyster shell  thats made the concept of this pearl  grow:

so- strangely....... you have been rewarded after all  just  with something far more precious  than a quick fapp................oh no........... now you  have  this golden  prize  to fixate on.......a small change in thought  can alter your perception of the  same thing completely at, giving you what you  need.......... not merely what you want

8/2/2013 5:41:21 PM

what a life. filled  with giant moths thunderstorms magic thumbs laughter and the prospect of good just so lucky...........really

when Master smiles at whole soul lights up with joy

8/1/2013 3:06:47 PM

today I went out  and when I returned  home I looked at my house....and for the first time could really see how it had improved since I came back.its only been 5 weeks today..... ive worked  so hard and  its seemed like it was an impossible task.....but now I can see that I am getting somewhere .

its been so tough Mentally and physically and   I have so much  more to do......but...I can finally really see .......Master thank you,  you help  me to  be strong and to just carry on x

7/31/2013 3:37:41 PM

its official....I have the best most intelligent wonderful caring patient Master in the  whole WORLD.!!!!!!!!!

he can work out even the unfathomable depths of a female mind  even mine !! even when I don't understand it myself.

Master you are the very best. AND I ADORE YOU!!

7/30/2013 1:29:42 PM

gosh.....ive worked myself into a standstill again . I am so tired I cant even  make food. tomorrow morning im going to make  dinner and put it aside so tomorrow night when im worn out I don't have to cook .

right now life is very tough but I know if I focus I can do it- I just have to find the strength

Master thank draw upon the positives you have given me over the last 7 months and find strength and solace in them.

7/29/2013 1:12:58 PM

I have worked so hard - and there is so much more to do..........but........... I am keeping my  focus and Masters words are in my mind, keeping me on track...

every day........ is one  step closer.... Master I love you x

thankyou  for all the positives you have brought to my life.


7/28/2013 11:13:38 AM

Master thankyou so much for  coming to see me .....I cant tell you how happy  you made me

You are always so thoughtful and  supportive,  even  when I am at my worst.

you  know just what  to do and say to help me,  I don't always see it at the time, but you are so patient, you know I will come to understand ...

I love you  Master.  with  all my heart.... hours spent wandering  with you are the happiest in my life.....

7/25/2013 4:02:47 PM













7/24/2013 12:21:36 PM

cold air  suddenly caresses me, cutting through the oppressive warmth of a pre storm afternoon... the sky is dark and heavy the storm  pushes closer...the weight of it  pushing  the heat in front of it in a bow wave....

barefoot in   black  silk I wander into the garden  the air charged  with ozone....the floor is still hot on my soles.

that smell.....its so wonderful.. all the garden is silent now..... the birds hide even the gulls aren't venturing into the thermals to play  today....

closing my eyes I drink in the sensation of the tiny hairs on my partially naked skin charged  with the coming storm........ and as I stand blinded by my  eyelids...... the first heavy droplets begin to land....hissing softly on the concrete around me....

1 ,2,3,8,30,50,500.thousands......suddenly the garden exhales........ that smell so heady... rain on the dry earth.....a sudden explosion of white hot light across the sky and then.....the low long grumble of thunder.

...and I softly singing- the black silk now even blacker and clinging to my body.... the intoxicating heat soon followed by  cool breezes, intimate insistent  disregarding my clothing and caressing my skin everywhere that the rain and my lust have left me vulnerable

 my hair now soaked whipping around my face and sticking to it as I laugh  and dance...heat in my belly,  cold in  the  goose pimples from the chill, the moisture and excitement of it.......I think of my face drips like tears and my makeup runs  my nipples stiffen defiantly against the cold of my dress and my mud splattered feet bring me a childlike cunt clenches sending a shiver of euphoria through  my very marrow...if he said it right word......that one word...I would add my own sounds to the own flood to join with the if to tease me my body clenches thighs my stomach burn and ache.......... so close......but.....then  it is body is not my own to has  one Master...and that person is not me.

7/23/2013 4:07:49 PM

3 more sleepless nights- interrupted by my mind....sleep  my  fickle companion  is off out sitting on fences and yowling at the moon - an urgent heat in my loins and the fullness of my clit  wakes me soaked and a half remembered dream brings me a smile and yearning .

even as I write a trickle of anticipatory moisture interrupts me and  distracts me .

the once joyous feeling of a budding need inside me is now so insistent so urgent the strength needed to  hold it , to stop it making me scream  with the frustration of it  clouds my  head and drives my mind from me.

just a little  longer.....and.....I will smell His skin...feel the warmth of His smile....His hands

His voice.......the barely audible tick tick of his watch.......the long moments lying....just watching Him sleep reaching out and touching Him  in His slumber and hearing Him breathe next to me ........ filling my  mind  with every detail.....drinking  Him in.

the beautiful wonderful magnificent man who fills my days and haunts my dreams..

7/22/2013 8:24:38 AM

my time of waiting .

slowly life fades back from the edges of my consciousness time contracts and dilates yet still finds me untouched  sun moves clouds move the earth turns and i am nothing and i  unmoved wait, this is my time of waiting . my  world is silent and still , i lie eyes open seeing nothing my body speaks to me its messages shunned by an unwilling  mind it replies softy ....just, let me lie here forever and conjure Him to my side .  my heart slows and searching for Him i close my eyes . at first nothing. then slowly , one remembered fingertip traces my skin.. the bliss for one moment He is bright in my  mind. vivid then He is gone.

this is my time of waiting  the word stops and holds its breath with me............ and i wait .

7/21/2013 2:10:50 PM

Master is such a huge part of me now. my time not seeing him is surreal , I wander only half me but I kept in mind that Master would want me to be productive, I have gardened all day..

I threw myself into achieving something ....its difficult - I just want to lie in my bed and hide .

i don't even  exist when  He isn't around.

7/20/2013 4:12:33 PM

Master is so good to me and good for much better than i deserve. i strive each day to be worthy of His collar.

each  moment with Him is a glory and wonder to me,He is my life  my world my breath.

and yet..sometimes i fail Him and my abject grief is not enough, or feeling sorry for myself or allowing myself to become morose.

i must  do better and be the person He deserves.

be more proactive and NEVER take His care for granted

Master i will miss you tomorrow....i realise its my own fault and i am so ashamed of myself for not showing you the support you have EARNED 1000 times over.

You have never ever let me down, always cared for me and given  me what i need and in return you have found me lacking.




7/18/2013 2:05:14 PM

still waters run deep- Master sees all of me.....waits for the moment that my thoughts make words in my mind... and plucks them out of  me deftly.

a precise touch.. carefully given, slow and with intent reaching inside  me - welcome  inside me familiar blissful all private places inside me x

7/17/2013 3:26:21 PM

another wonderful new day........I cant believe how blessed I am

and Master.......thank you  so much ! I just don't know how  to thank you xxxxx

7/16/2013 3:25:54 PM

every day I learn  so much more.......about myself..and eyes are opened.

and I have never been as happy as I am at this moment

7/15/2013 3:07:05 PM

gosh who took my day? ive been so busy I don't know for the life of me were it went

I had such a  wonderful morning  with Master xxxxxxxxxxxx I just cant thank him enough

if I could have a wish or two - id try to  wish that everyone could be as loved and cared for  as I am

7/14/2013 5:01:57 PM

we all have a journey sometimes  we are blessed with the opportunity to  go back and do something right .... a second chance to see an old thing  with new eyes

ive been searching for a thought  for so long and only found quiet inside me but tonight in the middle of another internal  conversation I was interrupted by an old long  forgotten thought it was insistant and where it is usually hidden  from  view like seeing something in the corner of your eye and when you look at it  directly its not there,  tonight I managed to pin it down...

im not even marginally shocked  that some time ago Master asked me a question ... I have this feeling ....about something ? and I said........ I have no idea  and I didn't

but....I realise tonight He was right ..I managed to get some focus on  the thought in my head and there it was all along..

I am so  happy...its wonderful....magical even..W/we have so much to talk about !

Master I love you xxxxxxxxxx thankyou for everything you  do for me , helping me to see myself more every breath is for You , every thought, every heartbeat, I am  Your whore,Your slut, Your slave , You unlock the places  in me I  have hidden away  even from myself......and set me free. x


7/14/2013 3:56:31 AM

i am so fortunate-Master had made my life so much better  so much happier..i had no idea  that people like him  ever actually existed.

life can  be difficult occasionally , but His care steadies me and supports me and helps me to be able to do anything.

I owe Him so  much

7/11/2013 3:22:51 PM

i just cant believe how happy Master makes me feel ......all these months on and I just adore him  more every day, I didn't think it was possible x

I feel so loved and supported and cared for ....Master thank you for letting me be your slave and for making me the happiest girl in the world. x



7/10/2013 12:07:09 PM

oh my !!! I saw Master online ..... first time for days as my internet hasn't been up and running and I am  SOOOO HAPPY  its made my face hurt from  grinning !!!!!!!

I may have lost an important item....and its made me really sad....but as always Master makes it all better for me..... im so lucky

and so in love.....

7/10/2013 10:57:55 AM

when the sun shines and the flowers are sweet and the birds sing in the garden  I remember how lovely it was wont

be long till I make it all as good as new.... I cant wait  to have very special man especially. Master xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ♥

7/10/2013 10:54:52 AM

well im back- home cleaned to within an inch of its life...and finally getting things shipshape

I have dug gravel carted bin bags scrubbed floors and washed and polished myself into a standstill......and cooked washed up and constantly  washed clothes... im worn out !

6/26/2013 1:20:36 PM

so soon now.. long lost items found in many boxes and bits and bobs.8 years of collected pretty bits.

im returning home my time here much to do- and Master ever present at my shoulder..comforting strengthening and giving me the impetus to achieve all I need to .

it will be good to be back in my own routine in my old home.♥


6/25/2013 4:00:06 PM

beautiful afternoon- laying in the back  of Masters car...the sun dappled  leaves casting splintered light in through the open sunroof......

the heat building....

softly spoken carefully measured  words, golden glittering moments. .walks in the viridian green of the English countryside light falling in  golden shafts through dark green woodland suddenly bursting forth with iridescent  golden  knives of  light -the birds sing ..the plants breathe of the heartbeat of the earth...the air is thick  with softly floating meandering tendrils of new life... softly  furred seeds on  white parachutes  fill the air...

he grins  his dimples light up  his face as he throws a stick into the nettles...and she goes to fetch and he stops her just before she  wades into then to retrieve .holds her hand heat of him against her....he adores . she adores.......he shares her grief.....her last moment in  this place..comforts...calms...



you have no idea what it means to be seen  on this level... this depth of understanding of the core of another persons being....

I would  wish it for anyone.....

when two souls meet and  one sees all of another truly be seen for who you are and understand that its  so.

there is no other other life...

just bliss.

6/22/2013 11:56:12 AM

busy busy so many things to do ! I am so happy that I have the love and support of Master he makes my life so much better on so many levels I am so fortunate.... I just focus on  the future and Master helps to give me the strength  I need

6/20/2013 3:06:16 PM

what a wonderful day......Master surprised me and came and collected me and took me out to lunch for my birthday......

it feels  so  wonderful  to be thought of and put first  and treated  so well.... im so blessed

foxxy touki and bumbum  have all been so  lovely today  so thoughtful....

foxxy thankyou  so much for your  thoughtfulness.... so kind of you x


I am so lucky x


6/18/2013 4:34:14 PM

Not long now. I am so excited..... its nearly my Birthday......... and I will be seeing Master... I just cant wait !!

darling foxy has sent me a lovely card xx

and my children have got me a new phone as my old one is getting senile....

I am looking forward to my birthday...its so special this year....the first one when i am collared by Master....( even though i  have known him for so long as a friend before )

♥ i am  just so happy x

6/17/2013 4:28:07 AM

slowly as the lollypop  slips in and out of my mouth warmed by the heat of my mouth

leaving sticky residue on my lips as I suck and twirl It-the flavour and scent of blackcurrant strong in my mouth  - I watch Master.....his eyes twinkle with  glee..playing up to  him  I slip the sweet morsel out and slowly.....lasciviously lick it...

and watch His face crease with laugher... as he shakes his head...

these moments....the moments where i bask in  the glory of our shared amusement fill me  with  such  child like  glee....Master you make me so happy.x

6/16/2013 3:35:47 PM

lols- cube looked in the mirror and saw me there and had a HUGE shock.. she thought I was some kind of ghost like the grudge woman..........ah what it is to have a Gothic mother,, laughs !


in other news.....Master said I was more beautiful the last couple of days than  I have ever been .......and my heart soars...... I am so proud to be His.


in the past there have been attempts to *normalise* me limit and alter me .... and now I am embraced and exalted for who and what I am .....encouraged to grow and learn about myself ....understood totally nurtured and supported . I feel loved... I can unfurl  myself slowly  and feel the glory of just being me.

 no one is as free as a slave...... it is utterly glorious


6/15/2013 12:07:45 PM

He looks at her, she smiles her eyes studying his face  watching the man within the man thinking.

she watches His thoughts carefully laid out in His mind. her posture carefully maintained ,a steady warm  glow spreads through  her body....from her cunt. her butterfly  filled stomach and her rapidly reddening cheeks. He points languidly to the arm of the sofa and she stands, and as motioned lies across the arm of it - her view of Him denied.

His hand warm and strong curls around her collar pulling it tightly around her neck pushing her head downward holding her there.He feels her lust .holds  her there in that moment listening to her quickened breath catching in her throat then lifting her dress goes to work  where her lust has left her soaked and  vulnerable... His slave.

6/14/2013 2:36:04 PM

my cold is making me tired I love how Master cares for me and sends me to bed to rest.

I miss Him and never want to be away from him - but he knows best and I adore him for it .....


6/13/2013 4:13:40 PM

ImmyADORESGW - Smiles.....

a lovely day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

6/12/2013 3:02:17 PM

some days  I struggle to write my journal- not because I have nothing to say , because no thoughts are in my head, but because i have displeased Master.

I am so lucky that Master understands me, and knows sometimes I just get it so wrong, even when I mean well . I am so fortunate that he is so understanding .

I owe Him so much, in a time of my life filled with change He is my rock my solace....

6/12/2013 7:47:31 AM

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

6/11/2013 3:30:21 PM

when I think I know it all - I find I have so much to learn .....

As always Master guides me  , sometimes I just don't understand .

Thank you Master  for supporting me and having the patience to teach and support me.

Before you I am a child...



6/10/2013 8:04:18 AM

today I have been clearing out the garage- so  many memories - photos - childhood trinkets.

pokemon cards - old toys...

I am  clearing out my  old clothes - so many things- sighs

but hey - CARBOOTSALE !

its a good feeling to have a sort life cleaning ..



6/9/2013 3:03:29 PM

Master gives so much to me...sometimes I fail him and even then  he is kind....

He loves and supports me and cares and nurtures me..... all that I am  is due to Him.

I wont ever stop trying to be better for Him.

Master I am so  sorry I have disappointed you.





6/8/2013 5:08:11 AM

...a day of contrasting colours red black  gold white,  bright  sunshine bleaching out the colours hair black and shot  with  light caught and  toyed with  by the warm wind playing over the grasses and flowers - shrill birdsong rapturous  the scents of warmth and summer  lying in my Masters arms sunlight penetrating and warming my flesh.gently soaking in to me....his hands caressing me brushing my hair back from my face a circlet of daisies in my hair..

he smiles and says softly.

in this light.....your eyes are golden

6/3/2013 5:56:32 AM

His smile only slightly discernible toying  with the corner of  His mouth, His movements relaxed and deliberate as He prepares my flesh to portray  the image He desires...placing my limbs, moving my hair the back of His hand sweeping it away from my eyes, precise fingers  plucking the last few stray hairs away from  where they lie drawn to my  to my lips...... the movement pulling them across my mouth  tickling  every  feeling heightened.

my breath slow and shallow in my chest..every atom of me focussed on His will, His control  of me, all of me poised to follow His command.

the extacy and agony of the seconds stretching out to eternity....wishing THIS moment  would never end....wishing THIS moment would conclude and all moments would come crashing together at His touch...His finger rests on my lip and gently I open my mouth.head tilted but eyes held by mouth fills and long liquid lines of drool spill over my lip..building and then then freely flowing over my chin- I swallow..... the heat between my legs desperate insistant and aching , torturing he dips His finger in my mouth swirls it in the collected pool there and smiles.... that beautiful smile......radiant.....joyous. my heart soars I am his.

5/30/2013 2:08:51 AM

I am His - He is my breath and Life His will runs through  my veins  without him I am nothing.

when I believe that I love him as much as I can I find I love him more and even greater joy is given to me,

when I believe I have served him as much as I can, I find  I can do more, and even greater peace is given to me.

when I believe that I am not strong  enough to achieve my goals, his quiet  wisdom and strong hand, guide me and comfort me.

5/28/2013 6:44:29 AM


5/26/2013 3:05:08 AM

more and more in my interactions with other people I see how extraordinarily lucky I am

the chances of  finding a Master who  thinks as I do ...a meeting of minds. and a man who is able to guide and nurture me...

I have grown so much in the last few months and I have Him to thank for it........

 I am blessed

5/23/2013 2:48:40 PM

Once upon a time there was a  little girl called immy....she was small and pale and often too serious-  and one day she met a man with the bluest eyes full of laughter that she had ever seen........and never imagined  such a person could exist.

He took  her hand and they went walking in the snow and talked and talked and  bit By bit he filled her with smiles..


5/20/2013 1:46:38 PM

every day i find a new truth- that I am blessed to be owned.

every day He is my strength

every day His love comforts me and guides me

even in my worst  moments...His  wisdom shines through and lights up  even the darkest corners.

He scares away my imagined monsters, and sets my feet back on the right path.

life isn't all sunshine and flowers- but- even a walk through bedlam is a place of delight with my hand in His.

I am so lucky.


also.only a fool would ..underestimate a slave....and consider him less than a man....touki,

your good humour and keen mind please me immeasurably and your broad shoulders and silent understanding  do you great credit .

and darling happiness, you bring such joy no matter how tough your day no matter what random mishap life throws at you  you always  have time to be gentle and caring

and bumbum, watching you grow makes me so proud of are so much more powerful than you think, more brave, more single minded and a better person than   you understand.


how could I  ever not  know I am blessed ?


5/19/2013 7:14:24 AM

the weekend and Master is away.........I miss him terribly.

I  have a list of things to do and I have to go to work  so I will  but when He isn't around I just want to go to bed and lie there till he comes  back..... I find it so difficult.


5/17/2013 2:15:01 PM

well I passed my final exam...

gosh im tired of study

but delighted  with my family....I look forward to  much  more time with them all

in the coming week .


5/16/2013 2:07:30 PM

thankyou Master for taking  such  good care of me . and helping and supporting me ....

 I couldn't have done it without you

I love you x

5/15/2013 12:39:39 PM

another step closer.....3 tests 98% 98% and 100%

Master is happy  with  my progress... so I am happy....

all in  His service .

Friday is the day  for me...... if I fail this last exam.... then  I am  out of work....

but we will see.

Masters love cheers me and makes me filled with  strength.

I am so lucky....

5/14/2013 10:40:21 AM

What a  lovely morning , messages from  foxy touki and bumbum...

I love and cherish  my time spent  with them ... and they make me so proud.

I see  good things ahead for them  all. and look forward to  being able to  help them

achieve the best for their lives, to flourish, grow and be filled with joy.


I give great thought to  them  and their wellbeing ...sometimes its tempting to give them

what they want not what they  need...

.. but I remain focussed  on  doing the best for them all ..


Master I work  hard in your service and strive to be the person  you  would wish  me to be and

in your service I thrive , I am  complete, I adore you ......... thankyou Master



5/13/2013 2:24:47 PM

More and more as time goes on  I see that  my relationships have been unequal and unhealthy .

now I am treated as I am ...and also with the training I have have received in my new job I realise.. when our relationships are unhealthy  it tips the balance of expectation and understanding , we simply don't understand that things are wrong....we all measure with the yardstick of our own  experience.

now I see....

im quite frankly  shocked...

I am so blessed to have Master in my life....really I don't have the words...

he never once has judged me ..only ever nurtured and supported me..doesn't mean for one moment hes soft on me...... not one bit...and it draws into sharp contrast the differences between behaviours.. 

NEVER has  he MADE me  do anything.....never manipulated in a negative way

NEVER has Master made me feel  unloved..  unworthy less than I am , never has he withdrawn his support to punish me , he has explained his feelings explained my behaviour  punished where needed  and always taken care of me.


5/12/2013 10:33:30 AM

okay ive noticed something that I don't quite understand.... im a little concerned that something other worldly may have happened .....


1. I might have been  abducted by really feeling like ive had a solid probing something has definitely happened....and it cant  just be all the orgasms.... surely ? I have this memory of being restrained on a table...

2. I  might have been knocked out and beaten all over by tiny elves or something ,  theres no mark on me but I ache all over.

3. this might have happened in a desert.......because damn I must have lost some fluids

4. it may have been  a cult........I seem to have this extreme feeling of inner peace im all loved up....and full of joy.....

5. why  do I have a piece of red ribbon tied round my ankle ?


truthfully....can one man  have made me so utterly happy .....giggles x

Master ....I love you sooooooooooooo much xx


5/11/2013 3:25:18 PM

i adore my time with Master.

today  was brought to you by the number 22 and the colour red.


the depth of closeness - of conversation - its so  good to be able to  take my thoughts and questions to someone who has answers  or  knows how to help me find my own without  judging me .


one day  I  hope to be as fine a person as he is.. I am learning so much


Master thank  you x

5/9/2013 1:51:37 PM


I am the most fortunate girl in the world......

I am so happy xxxxxxxxxxx

thankyou Master


5/9/2013 9:07:39 AM

its always such a shame when  I dont have time to write my journal- I knew yesterday that  todays test would be tough so I crammed for it as  much as I could  and I knew that I  would struggle to pass it at this time -

well  as I thought I didn't ... its an awful shame that  I wasn't alone in it-

I have my re-sit next week.

and next week I will ace it .

again  its brought to my notice how I have changed.

Masters influence in my life makes me so positive and strong , im not phased  by the failure

im not happy about not acing it - but it wasn't as awful as I thought , AND  I see better now whats required of me  to  achieve the result I need ...

in the past it would have stressed me hugely and I would have really  beaten myself up over it .

now I just learn and  go on....

( may  I also  add in foot notes if my tutelage had ben complete I would have passed with a score in the low  90's- however we hadn't  been  fully schooled )

but if I had  known and answered  my other  questions 100% fully  I still would have passed.

instead of missing my pass by 2 points........



5/7/2013 1:10:21 PM

i am so  pleased.

today I sat one or my exams and managed to  get 100%- im utterly shocked.

I have Masters support and guidance to  thank for it....I  want to try so hard for him  it focusses me and helps me to be the girl that he would want me to  be - I am so proud to  be owned by Him .

I  miss my time with Master so much I am studying  so hard. and in work also -  but I know that this is what Master wants from me and its another way that I show my devotion to Him and how much  I love Him .

As in  my care of Foxxy  Touki and bumbum   I am  so proud of  them all .... Foxxy and her new life beginning ,  touki  with his new healthy self  and bumbum  embarking so bravely  on  her new travels in life....its my deep honour to be able to show them  the love and support that Master has shown  me..



your strength  flows through  me and gives me the strength  to  do all of this......

5/6/2013 5:08:29 AM

I realised today  how  I have  so  seldom  made  decisions  in my own best interests, funny I thought at the time I had  but really I so often  made them in line with  other peoples needs. and mine have been  neglected to the point I don't  even KNOW what I want  its not a facet of my psyche I have ever needed to consider

Master has asked me so often  what *i* want....what my  drives and interests are. and so often  i have found  no  answers inside me....

He acts in my best interest.....guides me nurtures me loves and supports me.... ive never had that before.. it makes me so humbled .and  i  see that my conditioned *i want  what you want * isn't enough .my passivity lack of proactivity when it comes to sharing myself and knowing myself is so so lucky Master is so patient  with me as i grow and learn  who i am.i so  need to please him in whatever i do love for him  shocks me.. i see that in the past my relationships have been  unhealthy  and although i do  adore him is given back  to me 10fold.


5/6/2013 3:21:48 AM
In your room Where time stands still Or moves at your will Will you let the morning come soon Or will you leave me lying here In your favourite darkness Your favourite half-light Your favourite consciousness Your favourite slave In your room Where souls disappear Only you exist here Will you lead me to your armchair Or leave me lying here Your favourite innocence Your favourite prize Your favourite smile Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here Hanging on your words Living on your breath [- From: -] Feeling with your skin Will I always be here In your room Your burning eyes Cause flames to arise Will you let the fire die down soon Or will I always be here Your favourite passion Your favourite game Your favourite mirror Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here Hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here

5/4/2013 3:21:59 PM

a lovey day  with my son, out at the market.hes grown into  a wonderful young man....sunshine and laughter....xx

im so blessed to have such a lovely  family.

my thoughts as always were on Master  and how his day was unfolding , I love being out  with my  son but I was so happy  when I saw Master online tonight ,

he pleases me so and  fills my life with  love .

I had a dream  we were walking together......and even though I woke tired and aching- the warmth of his remembered smile from my dream filled me  with  joy...

I am so blessed.

He is my life....the very  breath blood and bones of me....and I have never felt as loved as I do  right now.



5/3/2013 7:28:41 AM

well  the weekend is here - and the prospect of more medical text haunts me .

but I   don't mind  too o much  really it makes me happy  that I am  doing as Master requires  .

im  doing well - and again  it shocks me how different my interactions with other people have  become -

AND still how my life is unlike other  peoples  lives , when we all sit  together and chat about the day to day happenings, my day to day, and reasoning and drives just are so  different -

we are all built up of  different experiences -

its so  odd looking in from where I am  at other people  but I do  feel  I understand them a little  better even if I have little in common  .

im less uncomfortable around people ,  and Master has helped me hugely  with  that. and so many other things too .

Master thankyou I  owe you  so much xxx




5/2/2013 2:04:16 PM

a much better day - exam scores in the 90%s  Master is pleased  with me.

im not as tired- I walked home

the sun shone !

alls right  with the world x

and I owe it all to Master.....I feel so loved so cared for and understood  so supported nurtured and happy...

5/1/2013 2:11:39 PM

I am so tired but I think im getting there....I love seeing Master in the evenings..... he makes me feel  so loved and so happy... im  blessed


4/30/2013 1:41:08 PM

I am  very tired today  so much to learn and its all so critical ......

im so happy to have the love and support of Master and my family and friends


thankyou  all

4/29/2013 2:03:52 PM

oh this new job is  tough ......the training is hurting my brains..

so much to learn and remember.....gah

im so happy I managed to spend some time off with Master - it makes such a difference to me.

wish me luck ... x

and touki ....I hope you are enjoying....

4/28/2013 2:03:37 PM

am am  so lucky.  what a lovely break away  with Master.

so many hugs and laughs , I  feel so loved  x

Master you are so  wonderful to me. thankyou  so much.


4/26/2013 3:52:49 PM

what a cruel world it is where I consider 730 to be a lie in x

I am so excited about tomorrow x

im so lucky


4/25/2013 9:40:25 AM

busy busy day - so much  to  remember and learn ,

so much  homework in the evenings too . !!!

im  sure itll all be worth it in the end-

again I am shown how Masters love and care of me has altered my interactions with other people -  I am less shy now and  find I speak and listen better without forcing myself as much  I feel less awkward around others.

Master  has helped me so much my social anxiety  is lessening  for the mostpart  and I am  working on the rest......

 I am so fortunate xxxx

Master thankyou x

4/24/2013 12:11:45 PM

gosh I really  DO learn  so much every day....each day I return from work a new world opens for me upon my homecoming ..

its so good to know I am in so many peoples thoughts and words  in my absence

work is going well  and  it is so good to have Master ever constant in my life.

he is so  loved and so pleased .

for all  those that mention me and whos thoughts I am  in x

I thank you - thoughts of you through my day inspire me to be a better person I strive to succeed and be sure - my mind is on you-very much so.

your thoughts and messages reach  me even at my  busy times.

and I give you my  will receive in kind 10fold..x



4/23/2013 10:07:44 AM

i learn  so much every day..... walking home through the woods this afternoon listening to the birds

the dappled light is so  wonderful...... so beautiful.

im beginning to feel like the person I was always meant to be

I am so  lucky.

so loved

so happy

so fortunate.....

sighs. x




4/22/2013 11:44:29 AM

a tired day today- up at 530  for my new job. but a really fun day and I learned so much already. I had forgotten what a sponge I am  for info !

I miss chatting to Master in the day  but at least I see him in the evening while I do  my homework. xx

5 weeks of this...... gosh..

then 12 weeks of further training .

it will be worth it in the end I know it....x

Master as always thank you for your love and support


4/21/2013 1:05:43 PM

I am  so frequently utterly amazed at the difference in me in so few months.

people can have therapy for years and not achieve half of the change that I have through Masters support in  such a short time .

tomorrow begins a new chapter in my life , today  I  quit smoking , tomorrow I begin work, the day after I begin cycling to work , the day after who knows !

Masters love and strength  flows though   me and my life is joy...

4/20/2013 3:39:34 PM

sometimes I feel so abject and  useless - Master is so wonderful and tries  so hard to teach  me and yet sometimes I fail....and sometimes I fail repeatedly as I have at the moment.

and yet even through that he makes sure I know his feelings for me  he still loves  nurtures and supports me- it doesn't stop him punishing me- but I never ever for one moment feel unloved.

I struggle often  to stay proactive in the face of failure - I close down and become fatalistic,

but Master never stops pushing me to  do better and to remember my  focus  should always be on him and that I should never stop trying..

thankyou  Master.. xxxx

for everything you do for me


4/19/2013 4:24:21 PM

Master thank you for allowing me to be punished- I feel so much better..

I am sorry I haven't pleased you  but thank you  for letting me try- you know it means so much to me.xxxxxxxxxxx

you always take such good care of me x


4/17/2013 5:03:10 PM

every day I grow more  and Master helps me , nurtures me. he supports me  and his wisdom  guides  me and in his light I grow.

he shows me the way.

I owe him everything , my new life my love my joy.

I am  a better person now than I ever have been

the change he has made to me and my life my mind and soul will always be with me

I am so grateful.

there is nothing that I  would not do  for him x

4/16/2013 12:11:21 PM


She woke to darkness and the realisation she was had been sleeping on the floor covered with a blanket, she soon also realised  that her wrist was tethered and feeling along the length of the rope she also soon learned she was not alone, her hand touched His foot.

A creak of leather in the darkness as he moved and a soft click as He switched on a lamp next to him and dimmed it  to a soft glow….

He sat waiting , his eyes holding her suddenly embarrassed by the remembrance of how intimately he had touched her and seen her physically and emotionally naked in front of him only a few hours before.

She shifted uneasily and sat up  pulling the blanket around herself not sure how to respond to his silence.

An age passed  each  moment stretching out to the next  the air cooling the skin on her back her nipples stiffening in response … his gaze ? or the cool air she wondered and blushed.

He still watched.. that man she so desired even  now with  her holes sore and her head spinning with the thoughts that all fought to  surface at once, the sudden awareness that she needed to urinate badly coming to the fore…. I need to go to the bathroom  she said looking into his eyes for a moment.

Mhmm he replied but made no move to release her.

Will you let me go ? she asked motioning to her wrist and looking around  for her clothes

He dropped the previously  unseen  end of the rope onto the floor in front of her and turned his head away in disinterest and she felt a huge wave of emotion,

I’m not just saying it – I do really need to go she said

He did not respond.

She sat confused , free but held by something she didn’t understand  feeling frustration  tears welling up in her eyes once more.

Well can I go ?

Again no response.

What do  you want from  me?- she asked her voice wavering….

And sitting forward slowly the beautiful man replied….. thank you  will suffice, or is that  simple courtesy beyond you ?

Her mouth  hung open  with  shock for a moment and then she shamefacedly babbled her thanks and stood to leave for the bathroom, to her shock he stood also…and taking her arm stripping her of the blanket pushed her to the floor once more. And twining his fingers into her hair,he lead the way pulling her along as she crawled on all fours next to him.

The bathroom floor was cool and tiled but a relief after the harsh friction of the carpet on her knees on the way there .

She mind was racing and to her shock as his shoe came down  on her crouched form and pushed her closer to the floor and finally rested on her head her long dark hair falling over her face…she found herself massively aroused –

He moved and stood back from her…..and she movement trying to feel the room  about her with every pore in her body.

She heard his zip……then the sudden shock and hot  rivulets of urine cascading and running over her….splashing on her back running down the cleft of her arse down  into her hair her face  . the  smell of him all over her as she lay there crouched-…he zipped up and told her to clean  herself…and the floor and to urinate herself motioning to the toilet and then as he left, her whole universe changed with two words.

 “good girl “    he said her heart burst with joy  and suddenly the urine was not the only spreading warmth.

4/16/2013 10:54:39 AM

thank You Master for  encouraging me to find work and do the things I need to do to  make O/our future better...

thank You for allowing me punishment when I have disappointed You  so that I might feel I have  closure

thank You  for Your unwavering support of me,

thank You  for the love I feel in my  heart

thank You  for freeing me from fear doubt and confusion

thank You  for allowing me to serve You.

thank You  for fixing me up better than  new.

I owe You  so much.....

really Master just thank You x

4/15/2013 4:12:32 PM

Master thank you  so much for the opportunity  to  try to please you tonight , my bottom is rather sore  but I found  I was so happy to offer xxxx

Im not sure but I think that may be another first.

thankyou Master for the bruised bottom I will take with me to my interview tomorrow x

I love you so much xxxxxxx


4/14/2013 3:10:01 PM

i missed Master today,  but the day was filled with laughter and smiles. touki is so lovely and so sweet and darling foxy xxx

bum bum is trying hard and learning well all is right  with the world I cant wait to  see Him tomorrow

Master you have  changed my life for the better and you make me so

I love you xxx




4/13/2013 4:17:11 PM

i am reminded  life is full of firsts...

the first time I saw Master in the flesh, and he spoke  with me......

the first time I realised our friendship  might be more than that.....

the first time I asked to hold his hand ........and how right it felt.....

the first time I cried and how I didn't want to  in front of him  but  somehow he made it alright

the first time I realised looking into his eyes that I loved him......and His smile let me know

that he knew, he could see.

the first time I wore his collar and how proud I was and how his pride in me made me glow

the first time I was truly naked in front of anyone in my life not merely physically but mentally and emotionally ....

the first time I ever truly felt so completely loved ..

the first time I  ever needed to think about what I wanted .....

the first time anyone put me first in their life prioritised my happiness...

the first time  someone rearranged life put theirs on hold and came to me because I was hurting and sad and alone

the first time someone just called to say hello ...because they  wanted to hear my voice

Master is my first....


4/13/2013 6:12:07 AM




For  an age she stood transfixed and struggling to find  words…..then  quietly  uttered .


 “please ?”


But He shook his head and  guided her hands from her back  to  on top of her head….


” Im sure you can do  better “ he said softly


Pushing her legs apart once more his hands slid around  her body…. Every erogenous trigger building on the last  ….. her neck  her sides, his hands stroking and kneading the  flesh of her backside…her hips thighs…. Stroking her face… his fingers lingering on her mouth.. all the time with her mind fighting to focus on what he had asked her to say-but  finding no words within herself as his touches overwhelmed her.


 “Ask me to help you beg.”.he said his voice soft and melodic , “ you don’t want to let me down after all- do you ? “


She shook her head violently – no she really  didn’t want to let him  down! Inside her was in turmoil  but overridingly the need for him  to touch her ,  look at her , speak to her,  to receive his approval drove her on.


He pressed his hand on her back  bending her  over  ordering her not to move.

then-she felt the sting of his hand against her buttock and cried out in shock jumping upright , where her back met his hand once more he gently pushed her back  down….and continued….


Smack after smack and harder and harder till she cried out and tried to pull away, only to find his  hand snake out and grab her hair.


Pulling her over to the sofa he took  his seat and pulled her over his lap squirming and struggling to balance in such a vulnerable  position-and again  he spanked her.


Her legs, her bottom , and then  pushing her legs apart.. her cunt,  she was mortified to hear the wet slap of his hand on her ”please !” she shouted…”.please please !please stop !


He smiled and his fingers invaded her—she moaned loudly as he worked in her-and gasped loudly as he worked his thumb into her arse…rapidly she was lost to  the sensation   so   close to orgasm … her thighs stiffening her cunt clenching on his hand then he stopped…..three more times he did this  till half out of  her mind  with pleasure and desperate for release  she cried….. and begged him, but this time  to please NOT stop  she  offered him impossible things ,   sobbed and begged as he reduced her to her essence, brought her to orgasm…again and again and then slid her gently onto the floor at his feet-


 leaning over  her……slowly his arms wrapped round her


smiling  he held her tenderly as she sobbed.


4/13/2013 6:03:48 AM




A disturbed night followed ,  so many questions in her mind and a warm  glow of pleasure between her legs, her dreams assailed her ,lucid, erotic ,charged,


the next morning came with panic..she slept late  couldnt eat, her nerves gnawed at her stomach as she eyed  His  business card  , stared at it ,  willing it to give her answers


but.......she knew the only way to get them was to meet him again-


Arriving at the station just before 2pm she looked around and couldn’t see him. She was so nervous she felt sick with it  and went into a kiosk shop inside the station to get a drink.


 Then suddenly ,His voice right by her ear.... "Hello little one, what are you buying?”- He had spotted her from the concourse and silently slipped into the shop behind her now pressing himself against her back.His hand slipping around her middle pulling her toward  him gently -he controlled her movement forward in the queue and with every step she was distracted ,excitedly aware of his erection  pressing against her.


Flushed with the intensity  of her own  rapidly mounting arousal she paid for her goods and left the kiosk...turning and looking up at Him as she did , struck once again  with  beauty of his eyes...he looked forward but she could tell he was watching her 


 Stepping forward and out of the station, she saw only him, felt.....only him...her mind in a universe  with only one person in it...him.


They journeyed for a short time in his car...he spoke, she listened...watching the countryside pass them. Too embarrassed by his proximity to say much or do more than steal a quick glimpse of him afraid to meet his gaze.


He reached out...and gently but firmly parted her legs and roughly hoisted her dress "when you are in the car you are always to display yourself, do you understand?”


She nodded.....but his gaze held her till she spoke her agreement, and with that his hand.....wandered, over her thighs....her belly her cunt....slowly...enjoying her like lovers do a summer walk,


She dare not close her eyes... transfixed with the feelings that welled up inside her.. his fingers stroked and teased and explored her pleasuring himself  with the feel of her flesh  under his hand.


Returning his attention to  the road  once more he uttered a soft lustful growl of a sigh and then drove with a purpose... only turning to look at her once when she  inadvertently closed her legs slightly... ” and she found instantly her legs opened  reflexly complying and without a word from him.


The house was warm and quiet inside.  A cottage rural and secluded, he threw his coat onto the bannister and she followed suit....watching him stride into the back of the house. 


She followed and found him at home on a leather sofa.


There he sat , relaxed....his arousal evident, his control complete, he didn’t rush at her like many men would,  he savored her at length as she stood.


Then invited her to make coffee and join him -


They spoke for hours, her mind so flooded later she couldn’t recall what about...her memories consisted of His smile........ His smell his voice. His masculinity .His proximity to her thrilled her!


Then motioning to a  folded towel on the floor in the center  of the room He commanded her to stand once again and  undress...and once more she responded instinctively, quickly.


“Put your arms behind your back and turn so I can see all of you " and again 


her response was instant.


 When she had turned so he could see her from behind he told her to stay as she was and not to move.........and for what felt like an eternity that’s what she did....


No sounds no movement...just held there in his control.....and her heart felt a new bliss entering it, that feeling of being suspended in time ...simply by the will of another.


Utterly powerless utterly controlled the whole world held its breath  sharing her anticipation .


He cleared his throat, "so, tell me, did you think I was going to fuck you today?" he asked....and she could feel herself curl up inside with embarrassment, the smell of her obvious arousal swirled around her as she fidgeted,


" I didn’t know what would happen" she replied...and quickly he responded. “But you want me to fuck you, don’t you ...."He wasn’t questioning, it was a statement of fact...


And unable to say the words out loud...she nodded. Her head dropping hiding her face.....she heard his movement, the creak of leather as he stood up from the sofa.....and felt the heat of him


radiating  through the air he was so close.....almost touching her...then he spoke two words that exploded in her mind awakened  a new realisation in her and sent her thoughts spiraling   


..................."beg me”


4/13/2013 5:40:45 AM



She watched him as she always watched him she had followed him for months working out

his routines his haunts.

Viewing his world quietly from behind her hair...Drinking in his every movement every gesture and word...

Even muffled and distant as he spoke with his friends....her ears straining to make form out of the sounds.

Sometimes..she felt him watching her.....

Outwardly most men wouldn’t notice the sudden flare of her pupils or the controlled but slightly quickened breath,

They wouldn’t notice the pheromonal trace of pleasure on the air as her cunt flooded,  or the way she sat and allowed her untouched coffee to get stone cold..

her eyes screened by her hair her lust hidden by her carefully constructed outward appearance of relaxed nonchalance .. A pose often practiced.

But he noticed.

she packed her phone into her bag feigned disinterest with the coffee and re entering the cafe wandered to the back  her thighs slick  with excitement. She wondered if anyone would be aware .A moment of panic wondering  if the seat of her skirt was darkened by her  rapidly escaping anticipatory moisture

the young waiter smiled at her and despite herself she blushed and turned away from him feeling foolish and sought sanctuary in the


The cubicle was small and dingy but at that moment it was welcome, she closed the door behind her and leant against it and looking up to the water marked ceiling

 Breathed deeply for the first time in over an hour -this was ridiculous she chided herself. Hoisting up her skirt to mop up her glistening thighs

  she wasn’t some stupid teenager  !

 she wasn’t ever going to be brave enough to speak to him ..... And he.......he didn’t even know she existed!

Instant hot tears sprang to her eyes- FUCK IT!

she exclaimed and angrily grabbing at a few handfuls of highly inferior toilet paper  dabbed at her heavily kohl lined eyes  this  obsession has got to stop..


that first day when she saw him drinking coffee in that very same cafe six months before as she passed in a taxi,

His eyes met hers for an instant and something in her had changed that she couldn’t fathom or undo.

The sound of the door to the toilets opening and closing softly as someone entered brought her mind into focus and she resigned herself to wait for the other woman to leave

Before continuing her ablutions.

" you watch me " the voice said…………… it was HIM..she froze suddenly panicked  cornered..she stood silently her  heart hammering through her ribs...

" you want me , you don’t know why.. But you have followed me for months..".That beautiful voice so close to her. The soft resonance and then the gentle force of

His hand pushing the unlocked door she stood against

she pressed back against it. closing it abruptly the loud clang making her start ....still silent, she heard the soft sigh before he leant into the door shoving it forcefully  inward and propelling her roughly toward the toilet   the door wide open behind her !

Suddenly she was exposed skirt around her waist her hairless cunt her thighs soaked the scent of her arousal shamefully strong in the air, her eyes wide with shock and her

Mouth so beautifully painted like a china doll suddenly open wide with alarm .

as he just stood........and looked at  her....every naked inch of her..and quietly stepped into the cubicle and closed the door.


Too close too close too close her mind shouted as he slowly reached out and touched her cheek smiling tenderly.

"shhhh" he said as his other hand expertly delved between her thighs

His foot kicking her feet wide apart..her head spun and she wanted to explode with the mounting delight of his touch almost in moments, “not yet "he said softly

"i will tell you when"

 His touch soft at first changed, his hand that once caressed her cheek now pinned her by the throat and his other hand having found her soaked engorged and left vulnerable by her lust turned into a different tool no longer caressing and tender...but forcing inside her  filling her stretching her.

she cried out as a sudden pain brought her into sharp  focus as he bit roughly onto her nipple through her clothing ,oh but the pleasure of him overwhelmed her and swallowed the pain

her orgasm  building  violently..*wait* he said....and she begged in breathy whispers. Him please please please..Please oh god please just let me orgasm please

she writhed like a whore lifting her skirt higher so she could get her legs wider apart and violently humped against his  fingers his palm brushing her clit

her cunt overflowing  squelching and sucking at his hand like a greedy infant. Begging desperately for release her hands suddenly on his back  steadying herself..

her mouth suddenly silenced by his tongue inside her flickering tasting her breath,

His lips pressing her lips hard onto her teeth

His afternoon dusting of stubble stabbing into her chin

One foot now up on the toilet now her legs spread in utter abandon-

"My whore......., my slut........., my cunt........ ?" he asked stopping all movement leaving her suddenly desperate and bereft, "

Please don’t stop please "she whispered, his beautiful piercing blue eyes smiled, but he waited, staring right into her mind..Then releasing her he turned to leave

And her heart ground in  anguish in her chest..

"YES YES I AM!”She said..And then."i am " more softly..

"Good girl" he replied and reaching into his jacket pocket he pulled out a card...

This is me...this is my will get on the train tomorrow and  be at the station by 2 pm, i will collect you there..For a long lingering moment his eyes slid off her face

And surveyed her exposed flesh ... And with that he stepped out into the toilet..Pulling the cubicle door shut behind him...

The sounds of him washing his hands..The hand dryer....the door...and he was gone.



4/12/2013 3:10:50 PM

what fun today - again Master has opened my eyes and helped me so much - He helps me to grow and to  focus and be so much better than I  ever have been before.

so many laughs  with Foxxy and touki  I am so  blessed  they bring so much  laughter into my life.

oh and sweet bumbum.....who tries so hard..

a lovely day

and in it Master has helped me to grow....I am  so fortunate. I owe Him so much x

4/11/2013 3:16:06 PM

today when wandering in  unfamiliar places- different streets and people  I felt at home and happy - my Master was with me and my steps were light and filled with  wonder for a world I had forgotten that I knew.

no one is as free as a slave

I found my interactions with people to be so different  as if the love that's in me now changes all around me I saw my smiles reflected back at me with  wonder- who is this person  that smiles and seems so  pleased  to be wandering on a cold April day?

they wouldn't believe or understand if I told them .

the blossoms were on the trees. and the market was busy and full of interesting sights and sounds..the floor uneven and delightful...and Master was in my heart mind and soul.


4/10/2013 2:07:21 PM

i remind myself I need other things in my life. that my body has other needs -but He is all I wish for.. not food drink or any other thing offers me the succour or sustenance  that his  smile gives  me in an instant......I crave Him ache for Him , he is my very breath and life .

and each  moment without him is an eternity.


4/9/2013 1:23:48 PM

today I had a dream a dream where Wwe were together mundane but perfect in its pleasure , I was cooking for Master  in my new home, there were smiles and the  pleasure of seeing His smile filled me  with  joy-

i woke today from my dream  into my late afternoon  room - its curtains filtering the low sun the world was soft and languid and the memories of my sleeping mind filled me with pleasure.

in the hedge outside the sparrows squabbled loudly over the last warmth and light of the day and I lay in my beautiful bed...breathing in the life  that my Masters love has given me.

I lay there and contemplated Him, and  my mind was taken by an image   , sat on a stone wall .brilliant sunlight splintering off the swirling water ,first I sat alone for a time  my mind carried by the water, then, my Master stood  with me and at that moment for the second time I fell in love with  him  I held the thought in my mind for as long as my waking mind would allow me, and added it to  so many other wonderful  moments He has already given me.

I don't think for one moment that I have ever known a finer human being  in my life.

Who knew people like him even existed..

4/8/2013 3:27:17 PM

a wonderful day - so busy doing as Master wishes , but it makes me so happy to  be able to serve Him ,

and I have a new wooden Paddle ! what a lovely thing I am so pleased !!! its so well made and so personal ....

what fun with my darling foxxy and touki x

I am so lucky.. and so happy. xx

I love you Master

4/7/2013 3:53:02 PM

in the moments of my life where things are difficult- when I lie in our bed  and close my eyes..His arm circles me...His hand holds me , and my heart is filled with comfort.

the warmth of Him, his heart beating against my back.....the weight of his arm lying on me  small next to Him, his voice..soft and warm and melodic in my my mind.

Moments bright and captured in my mind forever.

.sat on a wall by the river deep swirling beautiful water bright with the sun....sping scenting the air and Master stood at my back, solid, dependable, constant in my life my heart so proud to be be with  Him to share the sun and the water and the spring....He brings me to life x

and I am so grateful - so honoured-so blessed.


4/4/2013 3:22:43 PM

well tomorrow it all ends .. my family goes back to their lives.....and i  would feel sad..


tomorrow i see my Master...... so i am full of joy......

i am so lucky.

4/3/2013 1:19:47 PM

i lovely day  with my family - i just dont laugh enough  i decided - you only notice that you  dont usually when with people you like  like with Master and with  my children .

this will be an interesting year for me...carpe diem

Master is inspiring me, changing  my life for the better  filling me with joy and love.

i really hope to be able to see him soon xxxxxxxxxxx but that rests in my hands



4/2/2013 3:10:02 PM

a frustrating day.....i miss Master so much, tomorrow will be a better day im sure.

i feel so grateful to be owned by Master, even when my days are tough he supports me.

i am so lucky

,i cherish Him and adore him utterly...

4/1/2013 11:58:53 PM

i love my Master so much......imnot worthy , it humbles me never have i known this depth of love in my life.. my life untill now was a i am alive.

He made this so .

without Him i am nothing

4/1/2013 1:43:35 PM

well .....a lovely day with friends and family..but .... i miss Master so much x

i cant wait till the morning to see Him .

when i am not able to see him as much i really keenly feel the loss of my time with him

4/1/2013 3:48:28 AM

this is actually my very very late journal entry for yesterday-

Easter is a happy time so many visitors laughter and fun- i am remindedhowi have touched peoples lives and brought them  joy, i am so blessed to  be surroubded by love.

but ......i do dislike  hugely that it means i have less time to spend with my Master im looking forward very much to things returning to  normal!

i am missing my r/l time  with Master so much , we usually spend so much time together  ......

i love you Master .....and i cant wait to see you again xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


3/30/2013 5:26:07 PM

what fun today- speaking  with Master , he makes me laugh so !

i enjoyed chat with  so many  nice people today ....and Master has  helped me so much  with my socialising , i am  finally coming out of my shell and enjoying myself !

Master i owe you  so much xxxxxxx

you make me so happy....




3/29/2013 2:23:02 PM

i forget . have i ever mentioned how Handsome Master His eyes are the bluest eyes ever and how His smile just lights up His face, how He is so full of mishief and love ?

Have i ever mentioned  how caring He is ? how careful with my heart at all times ?

how wickedly funny He is ?

How his touch sets me on fire ? how just seeing him is pavlovian?

How we can talk about ANYTHING ! ANYTHING AT ALL  without fear of judgeement.

have i mentioned how he spoils me with His attentions ?


oh well i wont then x....LAUGHS

Master i love you

3/28/2013 3:40:30 PM

my Master, most adored man, my love, my comfort, my light.

thankyou as always for your love and always a constant in my life. a rock. a foundation to  build on. my strength.

i am so proud to wear your collar and wish always to  be a credit to you



3/27/2013 3:39:15 PM

some things i didnt ever imagine would happen.

Masters love and nurture has given me the strength  to  help others, and his joy  flows through me,

my release from fear, my better understanding of myself , my fears, needs, thoughts and feelings.

His clarity helps me and in turn i can help others.. and so the joy grows, the love spreads, and bit by bit all around me are touched  by His wisdom.

thankyou Master for giving me the tools i need to make life better for myself and for those around me.

its really the greatest gift x


3/26/2013 4:48:08 PM

Master is home and i am so happy, just to see him i am ALIVE again -my time without him as full as it was simply isnt like living

Master is my life...and without him......

He is so kind to me, gifting me with a suprise gift from sensual steel- and no i dont know what it is yet!

and .....He allowed me permission to ask him to grant me an orgasm tonight,

i love being His beautiful slave....i love how he admires and enjoys me i love the opportunity to please him . to fuck myself touch myself revel in my sexuality for him to be proud and show how His love motivates me , fills His control feeds me!!!

i am so happy.....

3/25/2013 1:05:52 PM

i have never been loved till He loved me

never held till He held me

never has anyone seen into my soul as He does

never has a smile filled me with such joy

never have i been as complete

so happy

never has my service meant to much to me.

He is my raison d etre

never have i been so in awe , so humbled, so complete and so grateful

he completes me and fills my life with music.

Master thankyou so much x

3/24/2013 1:35:23 PM

i miss Him ,  with every nerve, His voice is in my mind and closing my eyes i feel him with me.

but i miss Him .

firms walking the usual tooing and froing of life do nothing to abate my craving , life is duller and less vibrant....sighs.

but He will return , and soon , so i turn my mind to pleasing him  in his absence , im readyness for His return.

proactivity Master

3/23/2013 4:29:40 PM

never have i been so loved, never has my life and service held such meaning , never have i been as protected and felt so safe and happy and secure and so able to give all of me..

no one is more free than a slave, my soul soars my heart is filled with love.

Master..You give me life, in Your absense i am nothing. i wait...tick follows tock ...and the hours will pass..not in anger or confusion  but like the spring flower hiding dormant under a blanket of snow.....Your smile will thaw me and i will be alive.

3/20/2013 4:12:57 PM

well..some days i struggle to write here - i don't know where to begin, what to say or how to say it ,, some people words seem to come with a flourish but sometimes mine leave me. i deny who and what i am even to myself and that part of me i keep hidden from the world so carefully . Master sees it in me, He sees everything . sometimes its so painful to open up and show those parts i find ugly in myself, those parts i am ashamed of, the parts that i struggle to control and yet Master embraces them, i really don't know how... He is so strong and wise and considered, He does not react with anger but neither does He let it rest till he has taken what he requires from me.and i have shown Him the things i hide away. i am nurtured, i am accepted, i am loved.i am blessed

3/19/2013 9:08:50 AM

when i am weak and dissappointed with myself He takes my pain from from me- He holds me high and nurtures me , and in His light i grow.

when i am afraid, He soothes me and guides me and my fear melts away and all i have left in my heart is love.

when i am tired He sees me and carries my burdens for me- allowing me time to mend and rest.

i am  so blessed, i am loved-

time  with my Master  just fills me  with  so much touch His hand  to sit at His feet, to feel his hand stroke my hair, to laugh and joke together and see His smile ,  to feel it warm me like sunshine.

He is my joy,my strength, my pride,my love,serving Him is my life, i have never been as happy and cared for as i am  right now.

the longer i know Him and the longer we speak and the deeper my understanding  the more  i adore Him.




3/17/2013 4:05:53 PM

1 more sleep ....

3/16/2013 3:59:18 PM

2 more sleeps................

3/15/2013 2:54:24 PM

today in describing my experiences since being owned by GrandWizard, and how He has changed my life , i come to see again how i am blessed. i trust him , his intentions are always in my best interests, and his actions reflect his love for me , he is consistantly strong caring and honest with me , and everything he has ever promised me he has provided.he has a great capacity for good....and even i have misunderstood him in the past....... now i see what his inner workings are...i dont doubt him anymore.. i once found him difficult angry forceful stubborn and not nice....but once i embraced him instead of fighting him i came to understand so much better...i realised i was being a fool ....he freed me from fear.. replaced it with love and self expression and understanding i thought once - if i have feelings for this man he will grind me into a fine paste , so i hid from him- but eventually him aside - the need to be free of the cage of my own self protection was greater than the need to be afraid.

3/14/2013 4:06:27 PM

today has been so wonderful , time with Master He thrills me and makes me laugh so and my heart leaps for joy in His company i am alive !

in His light i am nurtured , and in His arms i feel complete....

3/13/2013 3:55:22 PM

without You  i'm  nothing

3/12/2013 12:00:50 PM

well my  cold is lifting finally...and Master is so kind he says  i am beautiful....he says i glow...he says  he has never seen me more beautiful.......

i say if i glow its because i am so in love....

i just feel so fortunate...


3/10/2013 4:47:55 PM

Master i adore you, thank You so much  for giving me the opportunity to please You and for allowing me permission to  orgasm ,

When You watch me and guide me and your mind touches me and You give me  the opportunity to be Your prize, when You tell me You are proud of me , that i am beautiful , cherished, Your heart soars...

Master thankyou  for your gifts...for making me whole, for giving my life  focus .... i am  going to strive even harder  to make you proud of me. i want to be the very best i can for you - you deserve that.


3/9/2013 2:34:25 PM

i have a all coughs and sneezes and soreness.....i want to crawl to my Masters feet and have a fuss..

laughs what a big baby i am ........xx

Master i love you

3/8/2013 11:39:52 AM

there is so much love in my life... sometimes i forget to see it - maybe sometimes it would be good for us all to take a moment and see ourselves as those that love us see us.


3/7/2013 3:44:48 PM

today i walked around my old city as a new girl -my head high with a deep pride in ownership

my Masters girl, happy feeling beautiful and protected.

its a wonderful feeling.

3/6/2013 1:33:47 PM

a day  journeying as my Master  requested.

He speaks   to me and my mind  is full of glittering pictures and delight.

how  could one girl  be so lucky....

3/5/2013 1:06:12 PM

He laughs at my childish  fears , and chases  away the monster under my bed, ruffles my hair and pushes me under the desk  to sit while he plays...while all the time making me feel  valued and understood.. not laughed at for my anxieties , accepted for them  and nurtured.

His  little girl x

 i am nothing without him

3/4/2013 3:47:21 PM

such a busy day and again i am reminded how i am loved and supported...... i am so  fortunate .

His strength follows me though  my day to day life and fills me with joy.... joy everyone around me can  see.

His protection ,  His guidance, His support.

has made such a huge difference to me...i am  deeply grateful

3/3/2013 2:23:43 PM

i lie in bed and the tether on my wrist  comforts me- it quiets me inside , bringing His mind into  focus and centering me.

i close my eyes and i can hear His words in my mind i touch them like a child does a comfort blanket. they wash over me filling me passing through  me.

Sometimes i am anxious , and i cant settle, and my Master comes to me at the moments i need Him most and His being calms me.

i cant put in  words adequately what it is  to be cherished and protected this way..not pushed aside. not made to feel i am a bother , just nurtured accepted and protected.

i dont think i have ever been treated as well in my whole life.

Master thankyou x


3/2/2013 8:04:22 AM

the very oddest thing ,

my body no longer belongs to me as it did

..His mind  controls it,

it will do  as i ask  it upto a point - but one word from Him and it responds without me.

i have always had control of myself and my responses, and now i am cut out of the thoughts and actions superceded by His will His wishes His control.

its the strangest feeling but so honest.

Master is in residence in me...and He dictates, He takes..He guides and nurtures.

and i am  so fulfilled.

3/1/2013 12:13:04 PM

My Master is so  good to me so thoughtful and caring, i have never felt so valued, loved and accepted for who i am in my whole life.

The time i have spent in his service  has already changed my life immeasurably for the better.

I am  so proud  to be owned by  such  a Man,and strive with  all my heart to be worthy of His collar.

2/25/2013 2:36:46 PM

something is growing inside me , a new feeling i cant  quite express..something ive never felt before .

a deep insistant need , it nags and whispers to me in a language i dont understand.but i feel it, i want to much to understand it, is it a simple craving to  be under Masters boot ?

is it a need to be used ?debased?dehumanised ?is it that Masters control  fills me, my mind..... my heart and soul and each moment  without Him draws out this deep craving in me.what a beautiful flame.

2/25/2013 12:32:57 AM

my adoration and pride  grow daily, i am  so fortunate to be owned by  such a wonderful Man.

Master inspires me to be all that i can , His strength and love flow through me,

He encourages me to be all i can ,feeds me, nurtures me, he is  my light, my  rock , my strength.

every day i grow stronger and more fulfilled in his service.

2/23/2013 5:02:36 AM

such a busy  girl yesterday  laughing and joking with Master i cant believe it  i forgot to  do my journal !!

Every day i feel better and stronger in His love, every day my smile returns to me and fills me with joy.

Every day i seek to try harder to please Him, and in return  He fills  my life with joy

His hand on me, His control, His wisdom,His protection, i have never been happier.

thankyou Master x

2/21/2013 3:47:36 PM

Masters pain is my pain .

2/20/2013 2:24:21 PM

today i have sepnt my time resting and relaxing , speaking with dear foxxy and touki , but mostly resting - for a time today i saw Master and it never ceases to please me how much my life lights up when He is around.

Even today when i was feeling tired my wearyness melts away and i am full of joy...and mirth! its the little things....Master asked me to kiss Him on cam and then made me laugh so much i couldnt ! he puts warmth in my heart and drool on my keyboard. !

2/19/2013 3:06:01 PM

what a busy day- filled with new challenges..

as the chinese proverb says - the afternoon knows what the morning never suspected..

i am blessed with so many things..... we all are , its easy to lose sight of it , sometimes these things come into sharp focus and cause us to stand and wonder at it all..

time for sleep .x

2/18/2013 3:25:32 PM

a newly golden glow shines through me-Masters thoughts run through my mind and tickle it like minnows - nibbling and making me suddenly fill with ireppressable glee, and mirth and utter delight .

simply.... he just makes me properly happy...

2/16/2013 12:27:14 PM

my lungs breathe He is my breath , my heart beats He is my life, my eyes open He is my light, my flesh cools i turn , drawing my knees to my chest. so many physical needs suddenly so superfluous , my soul aches and i wait i wait to be called to his side, and to his service. my love , my breath ,my life, my light.

2/15/2013 1:06:38 PM

a lovely day - i am happy /tired

Masters comments about me smelling like a chimney have caused me to quit smoking !

i dont mind really thinking of Master spurs me on to behave better .

i have high hopes of this year x

2/14/2013 3:51:57 PM

it would appear some people have concerns about my life seems quite surreal .

for the first time in my adult life i am happy....

if anyone truly has any concerns maybe they should speak to me about them, i dont bite after all - i appreciate this may seem a deviation from the person they knew before  but only because i was living half a life....and now increasingly i am  more happy more fulfilled and more secure.

dont be afraid of change.....speak to me......let me make you see how happy i am ...

it doesnt wash away my past.all that was is still there in me...ive just moved on to a happier place...

2/13/2013 10:58:34 AM

what a busy day ! ive worn myself out looking for a girl.. so many men pretending to be women... its freakish-and i find im running out of time to accomplish half of what i wanted to !!Master was so generous with me today as always, i love spending time with Him chatting amongst other things.i just really hope i can do all i need to for Him today x

2/12/2013 3:28:24 PM

i adore you Master x you say the things i dont have words to say...and fill my heart  with your love and strength- allowing me  to give the same to others..

you are my rock..and i adore you.

2/11/2013 2:49:32 PM

its snowing...the cold and quieting blanket of winter dampens all the sounds outside and makes the world  glow brightly  with its blue white light,  the  birds twitter in the bushes  busying themselves  withthe treats i have placed out there for them....the wind calls softly around the edges of the  windows and the pristine glittering carpet covers everything and makes it  my warm quiet room  sit and watch the  world brought to  fairyland perfection and mind isnt outsode or on the snow or the birds or the mind is bed..held close..the soft tick tick tick of a wristwatch....

2/10/2013 11:28:49 AM

fire has been kindled in my soul ... a smouldering ember softly nurtured fed...gently breathed upon...its flames small at first..extinguished by the slightest thing now begins to burn with warmth-its tongues licking hungrily .. warming me...demanding to be fed... to grow stronger...thawing me...its heat permiating my thoughts new sensations new awakenings new hungers desires and intent....

2/9/2013 1:48:48 PM

its so refreshing and wonderful to  be cherished and have your needs thought of-

lying in bed..held so  close that the warmth of him  fills me...his hand brushing the hair off my face...breathing him in.....listening to the  tick tick tick of his wristwatch...watching his face....he opens an eye and sees me grinning .....beaming up at him....and quietly gruffly says....sleep....his face all full of mirth and delight...huge snowflakes drift past the window outside..and  i am complete.

2/7/2013 3:49:02 PM

i am  supremely happy and loved..tonight i spent the night  with my son and friends and  they made me so happy. i am  so fortunate- i see the love i have for them reflected back to me in their smiles its easy to lose sight of the reality of your importance to other people  and Master has opened my eyes to it... now i see love all around me

2/6/2013 3:50:48 PM

...sometimes i fear to confess what frightens me sometimes i fear what pleases me. sometimes the fear of dissapinting is the worst fear of all .

and tentatively i reach out and lay my  fears at Masters feet...and he responds , he listens ,he cares and loves me

Never  has anyone taken  my needs and thoughts into consideration like this- i am  deeply moved my clumsy attempts at finding words to  show how much His ownership of me has transformed my life fall far short of the adoration gratitude and love i feel toward Him,



2/6/2013 11:46:42 AM

2/5/2013 4:44:04 PM

Master is always  with me , in my quiet times, my thoughts and actions.

i find more and more that i am focussed on  not just pleasing Him  but on  being proactive and focussing on what He would wish of me in all of my daily life.

His love is with me always , even when  i do wrong his strength and wisdom and the feeling of being protected under his guidance  means that what would have brought me to abject misery once now is a positive experience,  something to learn from  and be imporoved by.not merely  to  be hurt by.

Master *sees*  who i am...not who i appear to  be...accepts me nurtures me and encourages me to be better and  to be happy.


2/4/2013 4:56:18 PM

late  with my journal .... i hate it when that happens- Master  as always  i am  so happy to be owned by You- you make my life worthwhile and i feel awful that  i am  late writing this- i feel you working in my mind and body more and more  and it pleases me so  that i  am  full to bursting ( almost literally on a few occasions recently )i do hope my photo pleased you and that you  will forgive me for being so late x

i had so many laughs  with MrPickles  today  i see a side to him  that pleased me massively!


2/3/2013 8:44:35 AM

again i find myself  filled to brimming over with  joy and pride...Master is so  lovely to watch  chatting to people  and seeing how easily He makes people

Yesterday was an interesting day i had the opportunity to  play a lttle  with  wench and i  find she makes me smile so much inside...xxxxx

Master encourages  me to go out and do other things... but when i do i miss Him greatly. im so lucky that my friends realise this and embrace it for what it is...and  realise im not unhappy...just longing x...we danced and laughed and they soothed me and made  me content x

2/2/2013 5:11:14 PM

without you i am nothing

2/2/2013 3:55:02 PM

 i remember when i lost my mind

2/1/2013 3:18:33 PM

Master sent me to bed early.... i miss Him already ....but i look forward to seeing him tomorrow xxx

Goodnight Master sweet dreams


1/31/2013 3:09:30 PM

i have it within me to bring joy...tonight i spent some time with foxy and she makes me so proud of her.. what a beautiful girl she is...and so full of love and hope and loyalty.

the very best medicine is a smile and hers lights up a room x

1/30/2013 4:10:29 PM

the afternoon knows what the morning never suspected- chinese proverb

thismorning i KNEW i loved Master with all my heart but......tonight i KNOW i was wrong because i love him even more.

1/30/2013 7:26:13 AM


This slavery - Master always present in my mind, a thought to make me shine, always there to smother my remembered joy with kisses -this man i find so beautiful- who teaches me how to forget everything i once knew and learn it anew -His masculinity strength and love fill me - a man that adores tracing the track between pleasure and pain so skillfully relentlessly my mind held captive by his voice and body by his touch his playground- his voice.....velvet tones tender and amused simply saying - good morning a wry smile on his lips.....and suddenly i am alive

1/30/2013 12:25:34 AM

sometimes the smallest things make such a difference- being able to cook for Master

Making an awful joke and making wench roll with laughter

being able to lick my lips at a beautiful girl and make her eyes shine

small things- but things that spread love and joy and happiness

thankyou Master for helping me to see this and for being in my life and helping me to grow.

1/28/2013 9:30:48 AM

learning learning learning every day is a school day taking old skills and  learning how to transfer  them  and learning new ones ALL the time - im so grateful to Master for helping me to see my shortcomings and helping me to see them in new ways  , new thoughts, new feelings and ALWAYS  teaching me so much about myself  Himself and my interactions with other people...i am ATTEMPTING  to actually develop likes...who Knew ........he honours me in so  many ways.

i love you  Master.x

1/26/2013 1:57:19 PM

i wait-silently a deep quiet in me stillness so thick that sounds actions feelings are muffled and never create an echo inside,i simply hardly exist without His warmth to fill me with life.not an empty shell.....more a seed waiting for rain,

1/25/2013 2:56:06 PM

what a wonderful evening, Master wench and i together, so much fun - cold things warm hearts and so many smiles...

So very pleasing xxxxxxxxxxx

im so happy

1/24/2013 6:53:52 AM

I feel a fatigue of the tongue seeking to utter impossible things until it twists itself into a knot and chokes me. I feel a fatigue at this mass of nerves seeking to uphold a world that is falling apart. I feel a fatigue at feeling, at the fervor of my dreams, the fever of my thought, the intensity of my hallucinations. A fatigue at the sufferings of others and my own. I feel my own blood thundering inside of me, I feel the horror of falling into abysms. But you and I would always fall together and I would not be afraid. We would fall into abysms, but you would carry your phosphorescences to the very bottom of the abysms. We could fall together and ascend together, far into space. I was always exhausted by my dreams, not because of the dreams, but because of the fear of not being able to return. I do not need to return. I will find you everywhere. You alone can go wherever I go, into the same mysterious regions. You too know the language of the nerves. You will always know what I am saying even if I do not.

  • "Je suis le plus malade des Surrealistes"

1/23/2013 9:57:46 AM

there are moments i love recalling,images that come to mind and make me smile an exquisite garden of memories each flower precious as the next.

His voice warm and thrilling and so full of feeling - enquiring if i have been good.

the ambient air changes texture smell warmth as he moves closer a wave of goosepimples covers my body he smiles..a childlike glee in his eyes so full of twinkle and mischief ill have a coffee he says watching my naked self wander over to the kettle i can feel His eyes all over my back he speaks drawing out the moments then wanders behind me slipping His hands around my hips each touch defining me anew his thumbs neading into the flesh of my bottom-he weighs up his desires and clearing his throat just says- hmmmmmmmm.

i am laid bare in my mind like a butterfly pinned spreadeagled to a board and can feel the desperate eagerness at His touch and so can he reaches past me and collects his coffee whispering - whos slut are you?

1/22/2013 6:04:41 AM

strange how sometimes you can ascertain the precision of a mans mind by how he looks at you some men are like tree trunks made lumbering and clumsy by desire , some are impatient like children rushing to caress

a few brazen moments His eyes slide over the curve of my flesh seeing every ounce of me, weighing up my moods and desires i feel my heatbeat under the tight cage of my eyes unable to leave His as they wander over me my face my naked breasts shoulders....thighs...then the slow rise of a hand through air and its slow landing on my neck fluid and determined.i can hear His breath intuit His calm , He is in perfect control His hand..softly moving over my skin moving over me - the world holds its breath

the infinatesimal part of my mind not utterly engrossed in His eyes journey over me races throughthe gears grasping for any detail that might crystallise into a thought other than HIM i close my eyes "does He understand the torture ofthe wait?"- i can feel Him smiling in my mind.... He does....but He will not hurry...teasing out every ounce of beauty desire and wantonness from me for HIS pleasure.

He stands back momentarily to view the woman He has transformed into a trembling bowstring taught and vibrating then satisfied with His work moves closer His fingers finding my folds my openings everywhere that my lust has made me vulnerable i am His whore...His cunt..His slut- my thighs open wide for Him and my wetness the undeniable truth of His control.

lost in the extacy of Him i see him lift his Hand but do not flinch , He slaps my face hard and i feel my body lose its control- i am His.

1/21/2013 12:32:51 PM

Gosh funny how a conversation sparks your own thoughts.A Lovely dear friend spoke to me and said she could never

Ever do  some of the things i do - but she respected me hugely 

now for doing them ,and i  felt i had to explain,  its not an effort not for me-in actual fact,  if my Master wishes it my thoughts are on doing the very best i can for him in whatever capacity he choses.after all  he owns my mind and body  and they are his to  do with them as he sees fit.and knowing that i am HIS property is deeply satisfying  for me. i dont think i could hold back- and not give all of my fact i always work on trying to give more ....

i trust him and he nurtures could i  ever even think of refusing him  anything he wishes  ?

- i said to her that i wished for her that one day she might be able  to  be freed from  fear as i have been -i understand the gift i have been given is priceless and i am  so grateful.

1/20/2013 12:13:48 PM

finally i am finding myself- parts of me begin to be more apparent to me- my dreams have begun to be vivid and bright and they show me my inner mind and desires.,

I dream of Master and my mind is beginning to show me my own desires, maybe properly for the first time, His hand on me His mind guiding mine His needs His desires not crushing mine..... instead feeding them nurturing me and helping me to grow.

1/19/2013 3:41:18 PM

today i  went out and had a night out  - i missed Master hugely  but when i came home i  found a message  and he called me a treasure - and it made me so so lucky xxx

1/18/2013 7:32:29 AM

today  i learned my life has  unfair and unkind and it has tainted me , i was genuinely angry at a person for blocking my ability to serve.

every one has free choice...and my bullish tendency driven by my own  desire to recieve approval caused me to forget to care for the other person.

i realised i  dont invest in people as i should..... i dont try to get to know them as i should..even after all Master has shown me im still  just a selfish little girl inside- hungry for his approval , even though it is always  there ,sometimes  i have seen  some people as a chore, something to be done out of the way so i can run back to him.

His love and succour isnt dependant on me doing whatever i  must by any means  i must..its based on me being me..and im just learning who i am .

thank you Master for showing me


1/17/2013 5:15:47 AM

how to explain the feeling of fear and loss- today i forgot to put on my collar after i showered and as he told me he would if i  forgot Master punished me, but what punishment.

i thought he might not allow me to wear it and the thought made me shake with emotion  i wanted to be sick.....but no...Master told me quietly to go and fetch a metal catch the burning material.....and then when i had...and a lighter......with my heart leaping in my chest and tears filling my eyes- he asked me if the material of my collar would burn well........

...the nakedness . the removal of status...of purpose...of reason -- i am so relieved Master didnt make me do it...even the thought made me want to curl up inside and die.


what a desperate aching pain a simple act but one that hurt me so deeply the thought of it even as i write fills me with horror.


1/16/2013 10:30:27 AM

today i was late  and i also  forgot to mark myself......- what a busy day!

thankyou Master for heping me to  do better x

1/15/2013 12:56:40 AM

to  quote wench " NEVER have i had better, or been treated better or felt more whole than in my service. I am so very lucky"

really her statement covers it all ..people on the whole really just have no idea what Master brings to us, and thats just fine, after all  its not about them....... its about U/us


"the rumours  of my death  yet again  have been  greatly exaggerated "thankyou for the concern of my friends... but im afraid its just more internet loonies.. xx


 and love to one special lady for her loyalty  - she knows who she is


1/14/2013 10:00:26 AM

today has had giggles in it - and a wander down snowy avenues.really  just so lovely-


1/13/2013 6:58:29 AM

i awoke from a dream, a dream of us 3 all together a beautigful dream-

and in the morning warmth with the birds singing outside my  window Master was there with me- in my waking seconds and my heart was full to overflowing  wth  love.

i have never in my life been  cared for so completely , or felt as loved and happy with my lot in life.

i remember so few mornings where my eyes opened  and i felt this way a sad epitaph   to  nearly 43 years of my life before Master.

serving  Him  has become    the essence of my  joy  the well that my life springs forth from .


1/12/2013 9:38:23 AM

constantly i find within myself ghosts of memories , sometimes long dead and as startlingly recognisable as a smell of a long lost perfume, instantly taking me back like a window in time

.Lastnight reminded me - even a simple goodbye is capable of stabbing me through my heart and down through the viscera of me , raw, agonising, instant physical pain that maakes my chest tighten wracked with silent sobs and no ability to breathe

my knees weaken sickness twisting in my gut casting me adrift suddenly breathless and sighless deep hot sobbing grief welling up in me like it should pour from me like blood - like it drowns my senses out of tears sting my eyes and no words in my head-just devastation- i hold my mind tightly and fight to breathe untill i have outward control- force it back down inside myself ruthlessly slide my mask back over it..ashamed to let other people see my fragility and vulnerability.

1/11/2013 5:21:03 AM

Master i love you so much , and each day brings me more opportunities to show it, serving you is the single most wonderful and momentous act of my adult life.

your salient and contemplative insight has helped me so much and given me such hope for the future.

i owe to You all i am today at this moment in my life, without You i would still be lost to myself with no function or destination .

all that i am is yours Master every thought action and moment and my submission through my adoration of you - not through fear or deception -has shown me truly how happy i can be.

1/10/2013 11:17:30 AM

today i find myself with a keener imperative and a more focussed resolve to improve myself and work on the issues within myself

even the most simple question - "What do you want?" ...and all i want is what HE wants..but that doesnt reflect any part of me... and its me he wishes to own not just a reflection of his own desires .

Master is helping me to understand, so that i can be more myself and therefore allow him to see me for who i am ,i must find a way to open up those parts of me i have buried away

Master is in my mind always and his love and support and control even when digging into my head frustrates and hurts me.

i find i wish to strengthen and facilitate better access to Master for his special wench x

its been such rotten timing how does the interwebz universe know when to tip all the shit at the same time....? its simply not fair, but we will prevail.

1/10/2013 11:16:56 AM

today i find myself with a keener imperative and a more focussed resolve to improve myself and work on the issues within myself

even the most simple question - "What do you want?" ...and all i want is what HE wants..but that doesnt reflect any part of me... and its me he wishes to own not just a reflection of his own desires .

Master is helping me to understand, so that i can be more myself and therefore allow him to see me for who i am ,i must find a way to open up those parts of me i have buried away

Master is in my mind always and his love and support and control even when digging into my head frustrates and hurts me.

i find i wish to strengthen and facilitate better access to Master for his special wench x

its been such rotten timing how does the interwebz universe know when to tip all the shit at the same time....? its simply not fair, but we will prevail.

1/10/2013 10:31:04 AM

i missed my journal yesterday as i was with Master -as always i  am reminded how very  fortunate i am  to know him .


1/8/2013 1:25:20 AM

it was so lovely  yesterday  to have Master  wench and i  together  having  some  fun -all 3 of us together , i find that i  enjoyed pleasing her as much as i do  HIM.

i also  find i feel  very  protective toward wench to an extent that shocked me , its shocked me how close we have become  so soon  - and im  so happy that we have .

Thankyou Master for bringing us all together i adore you so


1/7/2013 2:54:07 AM

thismorning i read wenches journal and i was struck by how much i deeply respect her , her kindness touches me and fills my heart , im so glad that i have her in my life.

putting herself aside she has offered me succour , she has supported and me and offered me her insight and been a huge comfort to me.

i am growing stronger in myself and can see more clearly as i grow where some of my failings are and how the phantoms of my old life still sometimes touch my heart and like monsters under the bed create dread where there is none.

i see also how Masters strength and love sustains us and spill into our lives nourishing us and helping us to grow together and into our individual lives - to be the people we were always meant to be-

1/6/2013 6:17:05 AM

today i walked by the canal the chilly dampness of the air and blue light somehow making it all even more beautiful.....cold still water and  intermittent barking from  narrowboat dogs  playing  and gambolling  in the leaves like the flipside of  spring lambs  bringing laughter and eboullient wagging all over for a welcome..and a chat with  an old boater  who invited me to sit a while in the quiet of the cut ,cup of tea in cold hands  and woodsmoke  hanging low over the water in  lazy scented tendrils.. sitting passing the time of day throwing sticks for the dogs and silently  tooking at desultry  ducks wandering past  hoping  for bread...he finished his drink and motioning toward my neck are  an owned girl then.

and i  just smiled at broadly  i just  couldnt hold it in.. and he laughed bless him soft and  full of love and tobacco  he laughed  with the joy of it all and told me once when he was a younger man he had a this.... and how he still adores her to this day. even though they  have been apart  for 40 years or more.

today was a beautiful day

1/5/2013 7:08:33 AM

 i miss Master  but  i can feel his touch in my mind helping me to   do better ,  to  be stronger, to  love  and care more , for myself and others.

Yesterday  i spoke  with a new friend..i have known  her for a little  time - but now only come to see her  a little better and i feel so happy... women often dont like me very much  but i feel closer to her than i have to any woman than i have for some time.

i  totally understand why Master  adores her so  and feel blessed to her in my life.


1/4/2013 7:36:41 AM

we are 3  x

1/3/2013 11:21:13 AM

reach out and touch me

1/3/2013 7:55:02 AM

this pain. the panic- he went suddenly and  the light went out of my life.....claws grip my heart and shake it lose from my chest , i recognise this  and do nothng but love him heart pinned to my throat like a rat in a med study.....i am so fortunate

im  so honoured to be able to feel this way its a fine gift a pretty glittery agony that takes me to my knees reminds me who and what i am and fills my soul.

1/2/2013 2:19:13 PM

today   i pleased my Master and he said he was proud of me....nothing  feels better

1/2/2013 7:12:03 AM

 his hand holds mine.. i feel his mind working in me, its such an honour to be owned by him- i hope to be worthy of his trust in me.

12/31/2012 5:18:04 PM

a very happy new year to A/all but especially to GW and His beloved wench. Tonight i spent 2 hours speaking to my daughter and thanks to the help GW has given me i managed to get some things said i didnt even know needed saying but her reaction showed me they did . i was asked to think of some rules for myself and that brought to light that i still have some work to do -and im glad for the opportunity to do so . i find my heart filled with love and hope for the future - a feeling that enables me to care for myself and to support those around me as i am strengthened by his hand.

12/31/2012 7:37:14 AM

n i wonder at the changes in me...i was in the city, first time as the new me, with my collar on and my hair tied back..i stood and held myself and walked with care and pride, placing my feet softly my movements liquid and intoxicating to me -


the anxiety i have suffered with for so long has all but left me and the removal of the weight of it is HEADY and my mind clear and open.


Thankyou Master, you were right. my neck doesnt hurt like it used to , the removal of my fear and the pressure of my self delusion has benefitted me so hugely , i feel like i always wished to .


you know when to make me be serious and face my childish fears and when to make me laugh and make them all melt away .


having the opportunity to serve you and to befriend your lovely wench means the world to me.


thank you both x

12/30/2012 5:36:51 AM

thankyou  Master for the opportunies  you allow  me to  serve you,  and to please your special  wench , i  read her journal today and felt deeply happy and proud that she mentioned me  so fondly . i wish  for her happiness so much.


today i was given the opportunity to please you Master in a new way,  thankyou* B* for  allowing me to make you blush  so .

i am truly most fortunate ,your control of me and the physical evidence i carry stand witness to my adoration. 

i know that i pleased you  and that i will do even better in the future.

i am  growing and learning new things all the time,  you  teachme , about you and myself,  and  my respect deepens for you each day.

thankyou Master

12/29/2012 8:41:45 AM

i am truly fortunate  - and people are so kind - to think i might not have ever known if i hadnt been helped to be brave and open myself to them and trust that they woudlnt  hurt me.

12/29/2012 4:29:08 AM

have you ever had it when the enormity of a reality hits in the middle of the night ?


I am so humbled by the gift i have recieved that i find myself brought to tears by it .

That man my friend who once showed me his mind and scared the reason out of me so many years ago , and yet has stood by me and shown me compassion and shared his strength with me at my darkest times,that man who nurtures me and has shown me how wrong i was about so many things, when i was afraid to let anyone else close to me and hid my true nature away from them, who saw me so clearly and held my hand and freed me from fear.

That man who saw i needed far more help than i even realised myself and ignored my stupidity when confronted by the truth, and my fear and anger at being unchained from the life i had forced upon myself , and offered me solace but didnt let my tears sway him from his goal to see me living as i should be .

That man who has given me back -myself-and allowed me to serve him, despite my failings

That man to whom i owe a debt of gratitude of a magnitude that astounds me , one that i will never be able to repay fully .

That man, the one i gladly kneel to understanding how truly fortunate i am .


Thankyou x

12/28/2012 8:21:58 AM

i spent some time with GW, as always his support and friendship have left me glad i know him -

i had so much  wrong before  i can see  so clearly now where it all went wrong , but now  i see.

clarity is a wonderful thing .

i feel happier now than i have  done in my whole adult life..


12/26/2012 10:29:58 AM

i have met the most wonderful woman.

her gererous spirit and kindness is only outweighed by her beauty. i have to amit i am utterly besotted with her.

its been so long  since  i could say that i have met a woman  i could adore.

12/25/2012 12:19:26 PM

Each  day finds me  more improved and sets my goals clearer to me.

Each moment  finds me more myself

Each breath  finds me more and more gladdened

Each night i lie in thought and see how i must strive .


12/24/2012 1:43:05 PM

i am loved  merry Christmas all

12/23/2012 7:47:14 PM

the die is cast

12/23/2012 3:58:16 AM

im wilful - badly behaved - unresponsive- repressed - selfish- difficult- and  i want to be so much better

i will be better

i will be the person  i was meant to be

12/22/2012 7:41:18 AM

thinkng of him before yourself - putting his needs before yours but still keeping your own identity and trusting in him to care for you and help you to grow .

what is this thing that we do ............ smiles......

the beautiful magic of it that seduces and fills the senses ..this life.

12/21/2012 3:08:58 AM

every day i am  becoming a little better i think . yesterday was a good day  again in london - life intrudes on my  appetite to submerge myself -christmas  is taking me some effort  to do - in fact i havent really bothered i need to wrap  gifts and  get organised im struggling to feel it -it all  feels like a facade a lot of fakery effort and fuss that i  dont want..i dont want to  play mother this year -


12/19/2012 12:45:43 PM

again today was a a Good day  wandering in London ,  doing some christmas shopping and relaxing,

Im  finding my  stress levels are lowering and even though i do  find some things trigger me - they are less intense.

Im most fortunate- so many thanks  to GW-  quite an improvement in a short time.


12/18/2012 2:01:07 PM

today was a far better day - my mind was clearer and more settled - i spent time with my  son and was delighted to  have his insight  on  my thoughts as an intelligent and well rounded  young man in his 20's,and fell in love with him all over again .

i really am blessed  with  a good family the seeds of a good life and now an  opportunity  to  live some of it as i was meant to   freely as a slave .....laughs

12/17/2012 11:17:04 AM

today is a lesson in pain and hunger and control

my hunger causes me pain and needs controlling .

im so lucky to have a friend  to hold my hand and be a point of focus in a sea of thought 

when i was insular and saw only me  i diidnt realise how well thought of i was and what i had to offer .


12/16/2012 2:09:06 PM

today-i changed the course of my life..

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference

12/15/2012 6:32:15 AM

and  the truth  will set you free.

12/15/2012 6:15:14 AM

 When does  compromise  stop  being meeting someone half way  and become about losing your identity ?When does changing the little things become a big thing ? and how does one react to that ?

it seems your psyche repells the falsity and asserts itself .

i had thought it possible to subsume your own  desires but they  just manifest in  unrest and unhappiness.

can anyone truly be happy , and can you make anyone else happy  when  you arent  being yourself  merely a construct of repressed needs ?


12/13/2012 6:06:58 AM

today has brought the knowledge that  to move forward we must let go of the past and see and understand the difference between  how we see it and how it was .. wishing it so  doesnt make it so .

12/11/2012 1:04:29 PM

i see now that  maintaining my control  a facade  to keep me safe came at  a heavy price - it closed me off  from people and not only  stopped me from seeing me  it stopped me from seeing them too  and robbed me of the person i am  and stopped me from  being happy.

12/10/2012 11:11:07 AM

understanding  who you are and what you are is a begining and an  ending - it changes your world. it is a valid pursuit and one that needs to be undertaken wisely and with kindness  to yourself and others , each new thought precious and fragile  each new view a new world in itself , piece by piece you  learn to  know yourself and step closer to the person you are not the person you try to be ,

 i not the person i believed myself to be


12/10/2012 10:49:03 AM

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”- anais nin



12/22/2008 1:08:01 PM
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3/19/2008 10:24:17 AM
apparently im not  to be  vulgar etc etc etc what  on earth can i write now?

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