I value people who court me as they would any woman they hope to establish something Significant with.
I am presently unattached with no children.
I have been on and off collarme since my mid 20s..
I've established some amazing relationships here; in depth, some brief, some long term, involved, some complicated, some crazy, some cheerful and fun, some brief, some legally binding, some good choices and some bad.
Some people I will not tolerate are Alcohol, Tobacco. or Drug abusers.
and/or
Over opinionated, cynical, negative close minded individuals.
I consider myself successful (experienced) in many .. success to me is not how much education you have or how many cars or homes you own. However that may be necessary for you, possessing land and materials is not my main objective in life.
I am Perceptive, Insightful, Empathetic, Compassionate, Clever, and Fun. I am capable and very much enjoy expressing myself creatively.
I enjoy discovering and further understanding Humanity and crude Human Nature
I like to consider new ideas that will benefit everyone, a fresh approach that involves a shift in global perception and a change in how we see each other as individual human beings..
I am the type of woman who makes you want to be better at everything you do-give it all, if your half ass at it then why even bother.
I know what I want, when I want it, and how to get it.
It's just discovering who I want to share it with.
I gravitate towards soulful deep connections.
There are many roads to the same destination. A continuous journey in self understanding.
To sum it up I am just a woman with high standards perusing my highest potential.
Presently, I am not anyone's, Mistress or Domme.
However I might consider allowing you to hold me up to Deity status and I very much appreciate female superiority.
I'm not interested in exploiting anyone or entertaining anyone's fetishes.
It's not a game of kinks and fetishes to me. It truly is a way of life, a healthy and therapeutic way of expressing ones self, Expanding ones mind and pushing limits, practicing discipline, in a constructive manner.
I am here for furrrr-ends (friends) don't get confused puppy...
When I am online I can usually be found in the Collarme VideoChat room
Enjoying pleasant conversation, purring, and playing with other chatty furrrends.
While I am willing to talk..meow and purr..
I don't appreciate anyone expecting anything of me!!
I CAN be a fiesty kitty *grrrowl*
if you couldn't tell already...
.
In saying that, nothing is more exciting to me than intelligence and intelligent open minded conversation.
I am soul searching... can you spare any depth?
Keep it respectful and I just might *enjoy* talking to you.
If your profile is not completed, you have no personal pictures and we have not met, I will not respond to you, or accept your request to friend me.
Basically I don't appreciate correspondence with people who are anonymous.
-The Invitation- It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.' It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
This is just the way that I am --- love it or leave it.
I am well aware of the length of my profile. I don't demand that you read it all.. However if you are interested in knowing me, and starting a conversation to begin something worth while, it would help.. and I'm sure you'll appreciate reading what I have composed.
so, I suppose I should write something of interest here....
Miss Harmony.... only reserves time for, rewarding, pleasureful interactions and life style choices. She is only interested in subservient, successful, independent, and well-educated beings, who are capable of serving an intelligent, well-spoken, deviant-minded, Strict, Woman. I appreciate the best experience from this sort of D/s interaction.
Miss Harmony requires Her subs to be: Intelligent, passionate, active, living a healthy lifestyle, and require them to have a clean bill of health, excellent manners, good taste, with a pleasant disposition. Open minded, easy going, fun, and sensational, they who do their best to surround themselves with pursuits that are purposeful and noble, and they should be comfortable in themselves and their subservience, and generally happy in daily life.
Miss Harmony values drive and tenacity with an equally passionate need to serve. If you like to make Her laugh, along with the rest, you'd get the preferential treatment. She's got a lot to share and share She will, to those in Her life who She feels truly deserves Her time and all that She is.
Embrace life - and love the ones who treat you right.
Miss Harmony loves to make a grown man cry! Though you may also see Her laughing and dancing while playing as combining tears and laughter is a wonderful mix.
While that is who I am in play, I am also very laid back, sensual and usually pretty fun to be around. I am very playful and My play time is real to Me. I don't mind composing a scene now and then, but for the most part Domination flows naturally.
I love kissing, cuddling, laughing, joking and not controlling every part of anyone's life. The thrill for Me comes from getting to know My subs in intimate detail. To Me when it comes down to it, this is about enjoyment, exploration, and growth, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Every new D/s experience I have encountered has enhanced My understanding, desires, sexuality, and intimacy. I appreciate affectionate service, love and adoration.
I believe strongly that to continue to refine my skills and grow as a person, variation in play is important, I am not looking for one night stands or one off play sessions, I like to build a relationship, that allows for us to get to know each other better, and explore kinks and limits in a safe and trusting environment over a longer period of time.
I enjoy sharing my life, knowledge, and experiences with wonderful play partners and friends. Ultimately, I do seek one or two true sub/pets to tame into my personal long term slave(s) with a solid D/s foundation.
I am a Woman who has many qualities that go far beyond my physical beauty, I am a Lady who has found Herself, and am truly happy within the confines of my own lifestyle.
I understand myself well and I have a confident grasp on ones place in the world and the here after... I am understanding but I am also aware of the virtue of myself, my time, and the efforts it takes to allow someone to serve at my high standards. Ultimately I want a man that adapts well to my kinks and desires. I do take this lifestyle seriously.. and have the ability to guide the right man into the reality of becoming my slave. A slave that is happily controlled, adheres to my rules, protocols and displays a subservient but loving attitude at all times. Besides owning a slave I have a rich vanilla life and hold the importance of my slave being bright, in shape, fun and able to captivate me emotionally.
I readily admit I am a great fan of remedies, cures and solutions, as opposed to the stagnant repetition of dysfunction that stems from remaining mired in the entire social matrix based on outdated thinking.
The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass and embracing every single moment. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
i have encountered a number of subs that aren't really that submissive - after all. They�ve maybe read about it a little and thought it would be fun to experiment but have no idea what it really means to get themselves into that headspace that really puts them on their knees for the long haul. There�s nothing wrong with experimenting, everyone starts out somewhere. I am able to oversee a larger picture of living in a power exchange and balance. This entails emphasizing non-sexual aspects, as they are the primary "glue" to creating a bond.
Take the time and write a well written introduction.
Damn that seems like ages ago........ how many ages you say? well do the math!!
No I was 25 when i joined collarme....29 now.. and ive spent a TON of time here...
Yes i just weighed my time spent.... as if i collected it and saved it and spent those Weighty-Moments... Hours.....Days....Weeks...Months...Years...
5 great fucking years... many many tears... pains.. and sufferings...
many people... came.. and went.. many.. subs..men..women..and friends were met.
Many Great.. many strong.. many many weak..
Almost 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate around 10 at the most!
Now Hiring *local* gym rat! Inquire about MY personal application process. I say "local" because it's crucial that you are local with a gym membership to fulfill this position.
Have you ever looked at a person and thought... "yep, you have a person locked in your basement"
An apple a day will keep anyone away if thrown hard enough!
It's mind over matter... I don't mind, because you don't matter!
I'm not a princess I don't need saving, I'm a Queen I got this shit handled!
My VideoChat Protocol:
"Whispering" is not permitted
Viewing my cam (be my guest)
Have a cam available for the ladies to view you too
No Private Chat Requests
No Intrusive Requests
Chat with people in the room.. be sociable
Be polite don't be rude
Must watch experiment !!!
Check out this video on YouTube:
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Sent from Yours Truly from my iPhone
I sometimes wonder the misconceptions and ideas or opinions of what it is to be a Woman... What it is to be a Man.. What it is to be an individual.. A girl a boy.. A thing. An animal. Grounded or blown up. To evolve or revolve. To live or to die. The freedom to choose and decide for ones self. To feel small or to feel large. To be Dominant or Submissive. To be Dominering and demanding, Obedient and pleasing. Controlling or controlled. To conform or not to conform. To be a victim or a perpetrator. To love or to hate. To judge or to accept. To judge without understanding. To understand or to misunderstand. Easy or hard? Mindful and considerate or to be closed and self obsorbed. The freedom to choose what is right or wrong individually.
When it concerns other people, one should never jump to a conclusion because what you believe colors the truth. Always, give the benefit of doubt, unless you can read thourougly the heart of another and truly stand in their shoes. False accusations can truly hurt both parties concerned.
i'm concerned with some things and i am hoping i can clear up my misconceptions and put my mind at ease.It might take me some time to explain it and reflect from the words im typing here. So, i'll try to get to the bottom of it with as few words as possible.
Basically i am questioning the nature of people. Especially my own. The people in my life, people in general, and people that i meet and interact with in the world wide web of people. Poeple who have been chosen for me by a higher power and the people i choose to interact with and exchange moments with.
i'm questioning my ability to judge (I don't like that word "judge") i am no one to judge anyone and i don't enjoy it when i am judged unless someone can offer me appropriate guidance. i am trying to understand my ability to choose people and who i trust who i can call a friend, i tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, i tend to risk getting hurt and trusting that people are innocent until proven guilty of being harmful or careless or hurtful or unloviing. i am questioning my ability to choose good people that won't hurt me, and the purpose of being hurt.. i feel it's inevitable that i may become hurt anyway, as i am blessed with the ability to feel, the ability to feel whatever i want to feel, and i choose empathy.. or it chose me..
ultimately...i am questioning my ability to just love unconditionally and to be loved unconditionally should i be so blessed with such people.
i have friends that i realize are going through their own issues and fighting their own battles - and I want to be there for people however they need me to be there for them.. But I am questioning motives and people's ability to just speak the truth, and probably even questioining my own too.
To protect myself, and my innocence or attempt to sustain some innocence, but to also just be who i am without being encouraged to be someone else
i want to do the right thing - but it's not my place to correct anyone's behavior without their consent to do so. But i don't want to be beat up in the process of staying silent.. And i don't want to betray my soul by watching people do things that might be harming themselves or harming me, down to the soul nature of things.
i try not to determine anyone's behavior or to take it personally. but when they are hurting me in the process of behaving the way that they will i wonder why me. why have i been chosen to learn that lesson.. why am i chosen now to write these words or to attempt to try and understand the nature of people better? it's all inevitable isnt it? whatever will happen will happen, all roads lead to the same destination.. why am i chosen to exercise these thoughts and practice this ability to try and understand? what difference will it make? maybe i dont deserve to understand, or to feel differently... maybe no matter how much i keep practicing understanding... will it ever stop evolving? will i ever understand why i must feel the pain that i feel rather than the love i so seek?
Why that friend, what do I have to learn in that? Do I just have to stop trusting people n order to avoid getting hurt or caring about them experiencing the guilt that I have? how can i be so sure? what am i looking for here? guidance? why do i deserve guidance? i wasnt blessed with it to begin with, why should i be so blessed with it now.. can i even accept guidance? can i even accept love? how do i stop this ever evolving misunderstanding?
im lost do i want to be found?
What an amazing year... 2012 has been....
it has had it's seriously rocky moments. it has shaken me to the core of my being.
i have also met and bonded with some amazing people this year.. i have grown as a person and have bonded with myself.
i have come to terms with so many truths. i have shed so much baggage. i am happy and i am sad to see this year pass. i am excited for every moment ahead.
i dont even want to try and imagine whats in the future.. i choose to live in each immediate moment whatever that moment offers or takes. Energy is an amazing feeling.
I see so many people who practice this behavior.. who excuse this behavior.
who post warnings of check points, so their *under the influenced* friends can avoid a DUI check point. I feel that anyone posting these checkpoint warnings should also be fined. DUI check points are not just to bust people, take your money and punish you. No one should be drinking and driving in the first place... obviously we have had to learn this the hard way.. obviously enough lives have been lost in the process of this awareness... and people practice finding loop holes too often to avoid getting caught or in trouble.
But my concern is for those people who aren't drinking and driving, who are just trying to get home to their families.. who are just working.. or just going along in life and shouldn't have to be in fear of drunk drivers on the streets.
We need to crack down.. we are our own worst enemies sometimes.. and to be an onlooker of bad behavior and not speak up when you know something is wrong.. well that makes you just as guilty. if you let someone drive drunk you are risking lives of innocent people. as we all know drinking impares your thinking.. and your good judgment.
So I'm not asking but telling all of my collarme friends... that if you're seeing some bad behaviors.. weather its drinking.. or abuse.. or you are watching someone train wreck in their lives and you think you should say something.. don't hesitate to say it.. even if it hurts.. even if it's difficult for the person to hear and see that you're just looking out for them and their well-being.
I have been there.. and i believe at times we could all use a little help up from someone who might see some things that we can't see through the fog. So be a dear and reach your hand out to help someone. Inspire people, change lives. Do the right thing.
Remember be true to yourself and honor your soul.
Thanks for reading.
-Tiffany
Ten Ways Your Mind is Smacking You Around David DiSalvo
Brains—can't live with them, can't live without them. We'd be nowhere without the marvel of evolution in our skulls, but sometimes our brains act in ways not in our best interests, and that's when we have to remember that not every message coming from the control center is accurate or beneficial. Here are 10 examples with suggestions on what to do about them. Telling you that you have more impulse control than you really do
Our brains have a bad habit of tricking us into thinking that if we've had some success (let's say with a diet, for example), then it's a foregone conclusion that we'll have more success. Psychologists call this brain foible "restraint bias," and it's especially pernicious because it tends to hit us when we feel like we're on top of our game. Notice how many successful diets turn into complete catastrophes, with more weight gained than lost.
What to do: When you're doing well, enjoy the success, but always beware the backslide. Producing more automatic thoughts than you can possibly manage
All of our brains are perpetually busy producing what some cognitive scientists have dubbed "automatic thoughts." And since every thought is a physical event—an electrical signal coursing through your brain—they have physical consequences; namely, that you are momentarily captivated by whatever the thought is about, no matter how trivial. It takes discipline to block out this chorus of chaos and focus on what matters.
What to do: Remind yourself that automatic thoughts are just that: automatic. You can't control them, but you can control what to focus on. Pulling you into rumination about your worst fears
Rumination, or mind-wandering, isn't necessarily bad, but our brains have a habit of pulling us into these waters and then stocking them with sharks. Notice that it doesn't take long to find yourself in internal panic mode about a job situation, or financial situation, or relationship pitfall.
What to do: When you find yourself ruminating on the negative, ask yourself if you're doing so to formulate a constructive solution. If the answer is no, then shift focus and get out of there. Directing you toward distractions to take the pressure off
We're all under pressure about a multitude of things, and sometimes we need a good diversion to keep the situation from getting overheated. But our brains, if we let them, would send us chasing after one after another distractions to keep the pressure alarms from ever going off. That's what our threat-sensitive brains have, in part, evolved to do – avoid threats. And what better way than to find entirely nonthreatening distractions?
What to do: Don't fear distractions, because sometimes we need them, but if you find yourself chronically distracted, check yourself before you get lost in neverland. Making you think you're a mind-reader and a fortune-teller
Our brains are prone to several thinking errors, and two of them do a lot of damage to relationships. First we think we can somehow know what someone else is thinking, even if we have little or no basis for thinking we can. And second, we think we can safely presume what someone is going to do next. In truth, we can do neither, at least with any degree of consistency.
What to do: When you find yourself mind-reading and fortune-telling, ask yourself what evidence you're relying on. If it's thin, and it probably is, cease and desist. More likely than not, you'll do more harm than good if you continue. Sending mixed messages about which rewards to pursue
Our brains are reward-seeking organs, and targeting rewards (tangible and intangible) is part of their stock and trade. The problem is, the brain isn't equipped with an especially keen sense of selectivity about which reward is best to pursue at any given time, and this results in mental conflict about how to direct our energy.
Dear Santa, I poisoned the cookies. Give me llamas, piglets, shoes, choc's & minions for Xmas and I will give you the antidote......
-me
It's 12-12-12 @ 12:12 twelve!!!
Just for a moment ahhh take it all in!! Thank you for sharing this moment with me :-)
Happy 12-12-12 the last repetitive day we'll ever see again!
Happy International Random Acts of Kindness Day 12-12-12 the only repetition we should see here after is this golden rule practicing random acts of kindness help me spread the word <3
I love you all. Dear sweet collarme friends especially those I have had the priviledge and honor to learn and grow with in the video chat room over the years.
I would like to take a moment and acknowledge a few my favorite people that I have had the pleasure to evolve with. first a quick thank you to The Video Admins Alpha-Beta-Delta-Zeta-Theta-Etc! For keeping all the trolls in line and keeping things fun.
My dear best friend and "wife" Reconditus, for your patience and understanding.
My mentor UKD and his beautiful BOAL Klsaxx. I love you both.
GrandWizard, thank you for all your banter and putting my bitch ass in check when I need it.
My dear friends DeadlyDream, and Angel. <3 for always keeping me in your hearts.
CommandingReign xx you know why.
MzJuilia x Wrangler x MistressCKitten x kittymaid x naughtymale x SissyDollius x girls x
Eazylivin x fireflysub x matty4use x brightonmaletart (for harping at me all the time)
BrokenRabbits x bk4tw x bruisedknees x Enigmatic xxx AnEnglishProdigy xx
boytoy234 xx my Canadian lover boy for being such an amazing friend
HighStakes xxx for bring me yogurt while I was in the hospital
ChuChu for the T-rex & teredactile (hugs)
Norcalfunsub (I seriously dislike you) but thanks for the gifts and flowers
Xragirl we all miss you and are happy to hear you will be released soon.
I know I'm going to miss some I had so much love and support just from collarme. Over the years and through my battle. I've come quite a long ways and I am happy to announce that I did in fact beat the fuck out of cancer and I am now in the free and clear!! I go in for minor surgery tomorrow to remove the port (permanent IV implanted in my chest) I am super excited to put this experience in the past.. get back to life in full force again!
Life truly is what you make it!
To my newest friends hopelesslyInvo and ConnecticutPet (piggy) you are both great fun and I appreciate spending this winter season getting to know you. Thank you for keeping it real - I'll always do my best to reciprocate <3
YourServiceSlave, BootWorshipper, for always being respectful and setting a good example.
The temptations of this world will distort your perceptions and distract you from seeking truth and life. The holiday season is mostly a time of hypocrisy, where humans ignore the truth, act phony and indulge in non-necessities. Go the way of truth, so that you may overcome division and deception.
an opened mind does not mean falling for every foolish thing or trend. An opened mind allows oneself the freedom to look at many sides. It also allows you to discover your own wisdom.
Mother Earth Thank YOU -- For Today and Every day.
I get on My knees and pray to Mother Earth thanking Her for Her patience, understanding, and constant nurturing and Her forgivness.
I ask blessings on that which I consume, food, water, air.
I thank the Universe for coming together.
I love everyone as we are one in the same.
I bless and love the universe and the people and think positive every day. Good things are happening.
Get on your knees and pray with Me.
Thank Mother Earth for Her all that She is, all that She offers, all that She stands for. Thank Mother Earth for Her continued strength, and Blessing us with a ground to walk on, a foundation to build on, a place to live..
Thank Mother Earth for the beautiful scenes She blesses us with.
Thank Mother Earth for being so forgiving. Thank the Sun for shining down on us,
Thank the Universe for coming together for us..
Thank the people for never forgetting that it all exisists. For never taking Her forgranted, for Showing appreciation for Her when you step foot out of bed, that She is always there to support you. Say Thank you.... to Mother Earth, and the Universe for making it all possible.
Sending out blessings to all of my friends... and everyone I have ever come across in this universe, and additionally those I have yet to meet along the way and those I may never ever even get to know exist...or the ones I wont meet because something came between us, sometimes i wonder if The Adjustment Bureau has anything to do with controling that... but anyway.
I am sending out positive blessings, love, and vibes and love to the entire universe. the sick and the healthy, the sane and the insane, the straight and the twisted the fun and the boring the ones who need it and the ones who dont think they need it, the rich and poor, the lovers and fighters, the peace keepers and chaos creators, the dreamers, and the doers, the awake and the sleeping, the awakened and the awakening the young and the old, the evolved and the oppressed -- I am sending all of my positive blessings to everyone I can possibly imagine, I have enough blessings and love to offer to even that in which I do not know exist or yet to be created or imagined. Please accept this gift of warm love and blessings. Thank you.
It's Thanksgiving ...
Today we celebrate gratitude, lovely little gestures, sweet compliments among friends and family both given and received. Today we celebrate hearth and home. We focus on what is meaningful and real, the fostering and furthering of relationships. Today we celebrate all those who lead from the heart, those who protect friends and loved ones, those who dedicate themselves each and every day to a life of purpose and vision; of love and hope.
Today we celebrate our Earth mother and our Creator. We celebrate new ideas and new life. We give thanks, to the trail blazer, the mother figure, the giving smile, the gentle hand, the leader, and the cultivator of creativity. Today we give thanks for our many blessings; our comfort; our partnerships, our community and our vitality.
Today we remind ourselves that despite all difficulties, we still have life, hope and potential. Today we feel empowered, because while circumstances, trials and tribulations have put us on a collision course with disaster, we’ve always found loopholes in any given situation. We’ve discovered alternative solutions to difficult and frustrating problems. We’ve maintained our strength and our light by tapping into our hidden power and resources and we’re only just beginning.
Beautiful things are happening organically at this time. This Thanksgiving, let us encourage one another to release our intense focus on the negatives, on the worries and anxieties of daily living and allow life’s challenges to flow through us as we evolve into further discovery of our true self. By coming into our power, we ride the evolutionary growth wave. We expand into this beautiful, benevolent authority figure that can be trusted, among our friends and family, among our peers, among our community and everything else we define as sacred and of infinitive value.
Today is a day for diplomacy. Today we keep track of small details. Today we feast and bow, humbled, and ask that life grant us not what we want but what we deserve. Today we dream. We lift up our glasses and toast that our privileges manifest in others, that emotional fulfillment be present in all our endeavors and that love bring out all the positive traits in our personality.
Today, as we rejoice in our collective merriment, as we laugh with family and catch a football game, go ahead and let your mind wander over the endless possibilities that the Universe has to offer. Allow yourself to journey farther than ever before, to learn more, to give more, to act, with resolve with enthusiasm and give thanks. You’ll soon see how life continues to open many doors.
I am dominant yes but that is not all of me. In fact that aspect of me (is huge yes but it) is just a small part of me. I am focused right now on much bigger things in this vast universe.. Conscious thinking.. Collective positive thinking.. Love and random acts of kindness and compassion. If you wonder why it may be because I am aware of what We are capable of, who we are, where we have come from and the times that we live in.. I only "play" with people on the BDSM level if they compliment me entirely not just in the practice of BDSM you must encompass a very open mind and understanding that there is so much more to learn than just what is on the surface or what you already feel comfortable in or fully understand. As I do.. Try and practice unlimited knowledge.
We never know when we're going to make a difference for someone. So many good intentions we throw to the wind and know not which ones will land where we want. The truth is we may often never know the impact we have on anyone with a kind word or gesture. But know these seeds in the wind do make a difference. To those for whom a little kindness may be all that holds them clinging to sanity. And for us, for whom acts of giving may be all that holds us to what truly matters.
may all beings be healthy and wise,
may all may beings live in harmony with nature,
May all beings be safe, be blissful, be enlightened,
be at peace, May all beings be free, be happy
may all beings be released from suffering,
May all beings love one another,
be infinite and timeless,
may all beings be eternal and boundless.
Vote for prop 37. Stand with the millions of Californians who will vote this November for our right to know what's in our food. Genetically engineered foods are labeled in 60 other countries, all of Europe, even China. It's time all Americans had the same basic right.
I know I’m not alone when I say that I’ve had the experience of a bad relationship break up. I remember, with a partner in my younger years, towards the end of the relationship, excruciating frustration, anger and pain. If you’ve ever seen the movie, War of the Roses, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Strange in hindsight, but at the time, there was nothing my partner could do right. My anger was so deep, that at every opportunity, I would find some way to make him “wrong”. In the moment, I always felt justified. Whether it was his mannerism or his habit of leaving his socks on the floor, I always found something to frustrate me. If you would have asked me then, I would have told you that my anger was because of him.
Looking back, however, I realize I was suffering at my choice. Words of anger, blame and the choice to close myself off, was symptomatic of the pain I was feeling inside. The pain, however, wasn’t the result of outside circumstance, his mannerisms or socks on the floor, but rather my severing off from love – and all that that loved me (Source/God).
Through spiritual work and the teachings of A Course In Miracles, I would eventually learn to pay close attention to the viciousness of my thoughts. Through teaching I have learned the ego seeks evidence of everything that would prove and validate its righteous position. In a “special relationship”, where the intention is to inflate the ego’s superiority at the expense of the other, the ego will minimize the other person by making the other person wrong and find reason for attack (i.e. insulting and blaming). It is exactly the kind of thinking that perpetuates pain and separation. THAT egoic logic serves but one purpose – and that’s to ensure WE live in hell.
Despite whatever differences we think we may have with our romantic partners (or anyone else for that matter), I assure you it’s a clever set up that would ensure that no one is ever viewed in the same light that we hold ourselves. In other words, to protect our righteousness, someone else has to be worse. This is accomplished by ensuring that others never meet our expectations. The Course says “He who is “worse” than you must be attacked, so that your specialness can live on his defeat. For specialness is triumph, and its victory is his defeat and shame.”
The whole point of the set up is to ensure our partners fail, so that our egos can live on their demise and we can justify our attacks (despite the suffering it may cause us). I only need to look to the past and see how this logic has left many of my relationships crippled.
Thankfully, we know better. If we are willing to unlearn these mental games, realize we’re not different and what we search for IS alike – happiness, we’ll find that we’re on the same journey, our goal is peace. We can then see our likeness in the “other” person. Seeing that, we will no longer desire hate nor long for separation.
+---+ ????? ? (?) +---+ ~?~ Music is the only language of the World which everybody understand...where we are all equal.. where there are no different faiths.. skin color.. where we are all unique !
it's easy to be relentless to someone when real love is involved.. pushing that limit just a little further.
It's so much fun to cuck it can also be very edgy and that makes it even more erotic... going a smidgen too far just to get a rise out of him, to tease him mercilessly, to unsettle the ground he walks on, to see how crazy I can make him, to make him wonder what I'm really feeling (even though he knows).
Also, because I like to get fucked by any hot guy that appeals to me.
No need to explain yourself or your fetishes to me my darlings, you like what you like and thats your given right to want what you desire and not deny yourself of it.
I am sure you'll find someone who will happily accomidate your fetishes.. cheap thrills are easy to come by on here.. usually very difficult to come by the true connection of 2 people with proper chemistry and energy... in order for such dominating words to be spoken with the proper powerful energy... for you and me to get that extreme charge that we're after. Just my opinion. Perhaps refining your approach and your introduction would serve you well in your search for such a powerful energy exchange.
CLEANED OUT THE OLD MAILBOX
If your profile is not completed, you have no personal pictures and we have not met, I will not respond to you. Basically I don't appreciate correspondence with people who are anonymous
Please keep in mind, I am not on collarme for you. I am not here to compromise or make a deal, so don't bother begging for such an opportunity, it won't happen and you'll quickly be blocked.
I am able to oversee a larger picture of living in power exchange and balance. This entails emphasizing non-sexual aspects, as they are the primary "glue" to creating a bond. So save us both the trouble and please don't message Me while you're actually in the middle of yanking your cock off.
Take the time and write a well written introduction
Miss, While I would very much like to offer you my surrender at this time it would be disingenuous. This causes a frustrating dynamic because it would be dishonest to you and myself. For this to work truth has to be the paramount ingredient. If I am not true to myself or you the dynamic is doomed to failure. I am not in the mental frame of mind nor do I have the emotional resources to devote true and honest feelings of surrender to you. when I say I can not surrender to you I hope you understand at this point it is universal. (I can not surrender to any lady) there are many contributing factors and has to do with my career, my family, and other family members. These are priorities that are very taxing emotionally. These are not emotions I can or will suppress. These are truths in my life that must be dealt with. Please understand this is not a question of not trying, it is a priority that is of great value. It would not be in my character to be able to ignore these priorities. If anything it is a example when one must practice selflesness for the benefit of loved ones. I really think as the turbulence subsides energies could be recreated. I hope this gives you insight into my thoughts
Preparing for my palm springs vacation! Then taking the pacific highway coast all the way back. Oh what fun.
I only got a toilet seat cushion so his face would be comfortable after an intense night of drinking.
?You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.?
This is a handy list to give potential play partners an idea of what to expect from me during a scene, my preferences, etc.
In general:
I prefer to play with subs in the context of developing a D/s relationship. This means position training, ritual greetings, etc. taught to someone I respect as a friend and want to strengthen and refine. So, I tend to say no when asked to play casually in public. But it does happen. To up your chances significantly, send me a polite, intelligent email first.
Before scene:
I ask about all health and safety concerns I can think of, including mental triggers such as phobias. But I am not a mind reader, so please let me know if you have any concerns at all.
You must inform me of any health issues such as HBP, STDs, diabetes, where you store your EpiPen, and so on.
I want to know your safeword if you have one. Otherwise, I recognize Red/Yellow/Green and Safeword.
Before regular play, I send a specific protocol list to study that isn't included here.
I ask for a BDSM checklist, even though I don't do 95% of those things. It helps me understand you.
During scene:
#1, don't expect to have sex or "service" me. I want men who sacrifice themselves for mental reasons, a soul-deep need to please, not boys who want to be tied down and fucked. The things I do in private are similar to the things you would see in public play dungeons. I may even hold your key. Chaste kissing of the hands is lovely - foot worship may be forced. I do spank, CBT, and may use toys once a relationship is established - that means many months of hard work on your part.
#2, I don't take suggestions... unless I want to twist them. But you can bring up safety concerns at any time!
There will invariably be bondage with rope, chains, metal, leather restraints, cable ties, and whatever else I can get my hands on. I like helpful compliance during the tying process. I also like seeing the bonds tested once they're on. And watching a sub struggle to be respectful/helpful while tied is glorious.
I use hoods, blindfolds, gags. Sometimes I mix these with very brief asphyxiation play. I also have some electrical gear. If any of these disturb you, warn me.
I am slightly sadistic. I use nipple clamps, clothespins, ice, icy hot, w-wheel, and other toys that don't break skin. I like pulling hair (body too). I also do impact play, but not as steady flogging. If I run out of toys, I tend to start tickling. I don't have a preference about how stoic you should act through all of this. I just have fun exploring your reactions.
I shove with my feet, slap, manhandle, yank hair and such because it is fun, not because I'm upset. If I were angry with you, I would stop the scene immediately. In fact, if I'm still playing with you, it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm enjoying myself. (Now, don't let the above intimidate you; there's gentle stroking and delighted giggling too.) It is called "play." ...Did I mention I can play for hours?
I expect my partner to endure stereotypical submissive acts such as crawling with collar and lead, boot licking, eye contact and speech restrictions, stripping on demand, obediently fetching/working/waiting, eating from pet dishes, and so on. If there are tasks you find too humiliating, tell me now.
Don't worry about making mistakes - it's part of training to have them corrected. I will let you know.
If you're thinking "Should I tell her..." the answer is yes. If there's a type of discomfort happening that you think I didn't intend, I want to know. Also, telling me you're in discomfort won't necessarily make it stop. :) I won't end the scene if you call "yellow," and I've never once felt that a scene was "ruined" by calling "red." I like taking care of you, so give me the opportunity. I also honor Lew's five minute rule.
Aftercare:
This really depends on how close I am with you, how intense the scene was, and what your needs are. At the least, I will sit with you. At the most, I swaddle with a blanket, offer water/candy, and hug and pet until you want to talk.
You are required to email me to let me know you made it home okay after a scene.
Send me any thoughts you have about a scene. I like to read after reports.
Call in case of subdrop. At any time. Really.
Random stuff:
I am learning/practicing branding.
Even being rubbed the wrong way is better than not being rubbed at all
Narcissistic enough to think it matter - logical enough to know it doesn't.
What I lack in empathy I make up for by not giving a shit
It's never too late to demonstrate your lack of punctuality?
I'm tired of the infintilization of our society and I'm going to kick and scream and cry and hold my breath until it stops!
"The spoon theory"
Please take the time to read Christine Miserandino?s personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or disability.?
The Spoon Theory
My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn?t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.
As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don?t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can?t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.
At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said ?Here you go, you have Lupus?. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.
I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn?t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.
Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a ?loss? of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.
She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn?t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?
I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of ?spoons?. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many ?spoons? you are starting with. It doesn?t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn?t even started yet. I?ve wanted more ?spoons? for years and haven?t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.
I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ? No! You don?t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn?t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don?t, you can?t take your medicine, and if you don?t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.? I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn?t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn?t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.
I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn?t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your ?spoons? are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow?s ?spoons?, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less ?spoons?. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on ?spoons?, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn?t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.
We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.
When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn?t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn?t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can?t do it all.
I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn?t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly ?Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?? I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can?t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, ?I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.?
Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day?s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count ?spoons?.
After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can?t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said ?Don?t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don?t have room for wasted time, or wasted ?spoons? and I chose to spend this time with you.?
Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn?t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don?t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my ?spoons?.
I completed 10 rounds of chemo. And I was faced with how I was going to get through the intended 4 to 6 more rounds. Yesterday I was released of that worry or concern. Yesterday, my oncologist said that the pathology report from the removal of the tumor in November last year, came out clean and things appear to be good.. So I am blessed with this great news of not having to endure any more grueling, life sucking chemotherapy. Thank you all for your support through this challenging time. I grew so much from all of this. I wish I could say NOW I CAN GO ABOUT MY LIFE - but I have been going about li. Afflictions happen.. It's nice to be reassured the strength that we all have to get us through the challenges in life. God bless!
Just got news from my oncologist------NO MORE CHEMOTHERAPY!
I am not looking for any of the following.
A: submissive women (As a matter of personal philosophy, I do not believe in female submission and find the concept offensive)
B: Dominant males (Same feelings as point A)
C:Those with emotional problems, baggage or who are clingy/co-dependent whiners.
D: "subs/slaves" looking for a meal ticket. A real sub loves to serve but has a career and life goals as well.. again, it is about balance
E: Doormats (A true submissive is never afraid to challenge his Miss/Mistress intellectually or emotionally. If he has zero personality and does not wish to learn and blindly follows any woman's orders, he is not good enough for me.)
So there you have it.. feeling brave and are truly serious?? please contact me. At the very least you might make a new friend.
Big concern of mine. Whats holding me back from continuing chemotherapy. Controversy and risk, making an informed choice. Trusting the medical "professionals" that what they are prescribing me is safe/right. When the information they are given is given to them by the people who are in the business of selling these drugs. A firewall needs to be established between the manufactures of these drugs and the people testing the safety of these drugs there can't be any collusion. Never has a society drugged so many people and our children with such ruthless toxins. Yet it goes on and on in elpedemic proportions. ?Listen to the wisdom of the common people. The truth is we have been betrayed the science has been adulterated. FDA is attacking the very foundations of what being human is all about. Generating profits at the costs of the common peoples lives. The veil has been lifted and now we must see things as they really are. We are the masters of our own destiny free to discover life just as millions of others before us did. There are countless souls left to save. I would much rather today be a messenger of life giving an unsuspecting victim the chance to have a life. The same goes for the food and water you put in your mouth. As well as spiritually, in nature, and supernaturally. -Miss BlondeMoment
?The World will be saved by the Western Woman.? ?Dalai Lama
There is an old adage united we stand, divided we fall and it is just as important to Women as it is to a country.
There are SEVEN archetypes that together make up the complete story of what it is to be a woman? the Princess, the Virgin, the Lover, the Mother, the Witch, the Sister and most importantly the Queen.
I think all of us are feeling that the old ways of doing things just are not working anymore.? Our economy is failing and our governments are letting us down and imploding.? And just like all of us, our greatest feminine body, Mother Nature herself is no exception to the crisis that is going on today:? our air, water and soil are all being polluted, our forests are being destroyed, hundreds of animals are becoming extinct every day, corruption is everywhere we turn, our food is being altered with genetics and chemicals, our children and loved ones are getting all kinds of cancers and new diseases.
The problem is we are disconnected from a long lineage of ancient female wisdom of growing our own food, healing our families naturally, taking care of our land and the children on it, administrating the affairs of our communities and embracing and stepping into our intuitive, creative power.? We can only be victims if we are bent over; it is time to stand up.
I will leave you with one final thought?
What if the answer to all of the world?s problems was simply? WOMEN are the change we have been waiting for?
From my heart to yours?.
Binding friendships and beautiful hearts Disciplined Dominants who respect limits and each other Sexy subs and slaves and sadists- most of who are sane Mentors who will help guide you to a BDSM world where your true self resides
Does anyone here want me to make sure you are sent a funeral invitation for my own funeral? ........... email me.. if I know you.. well enough that I'd allow you to look at my dead corpse lol ((I'm just making sure everything is arranged JUST IN CASE))
HISTORY
BlondeMoment wrote about 1 year ago: Feb. 21st 2011 I start chemotherapy today..(I'm sitting in the treatment chair right now intact). I've been preparing myself for the past week and a half.. But this is really harder to prepare for than I ever anticipated.. Now that I'm finally sitting here in this chair getting ready for them to inject my body with these medications.. I am still a little beside myself. But this is so REAL. Truly a life changing day. I am almost looking forward to losing my hair, it will only mean that I am nearing the end of all of this. Thank you to those who have been standing by and supporting me through this. All of your positive thoughts and prayers are very appreciated. Keep the supportive emails coming!
Also want to send a special thank you to an amazing gentleman who I met here on , who has really taken the incentive to support me through this, who has traveled many miles, and guided me, and loved me. He has gone some serious lengths and helped me to meet with a wholistic healer and learn more about my body. I really love and appreciate you Eric you are a true gift!
So here we go!!
BlondeMoment wrote about 1 year ago: March 2011 Hi again, I made it through nearly 30 grueling hours of sitting here in this chemo chair.. Nearly completed with phase 2, then I get a couple weeks off to heal, I am praying that I don't feel nearly as miserable as my last bout, it's really difficult to try and measure..
On a lighter note dinner last night was good, unfortunately my 'butler' is not very efficient so it was kind of cold.. I had halibut, over jasmine rice and peas and corn. I ate it anyways as I was hungry and didn't want to wait any longer. I don't use microwaves and he knows that but he should have found a way to be sure my food was piping hot! Oh well, better luck next time I suppose.
He isn't officially my 'butler' tho, originally we met on one of these fetish sites. we became good online friends and kept in touch regularly for a couple of years, now here's here to help me save my life. He moved to California back in August 2010, from Mississippi to persue a future here with me as friends. Unfortunately for him my feelings weren't as mutual in the looooove dept. I love him dearly as a friend but he really lacks in the service areas, he's always got so much going on. He has helped me out a lot, keeping the resort I live at in order while I heal, which is truly a Godsend. I was having him live with me at first.. He's learned how to avoid sepping on my toes. He claims to be dominant however he is more just a stubborn brat but he's my best friend and I love him~ I know I have so many nice things to say about him lol... Oh well, better luck next time.
Moving on, yep I made it through these grueling 5 days of chemo with just 2 more hours or so to go, then just a quick injection tomorrow to get my white blood count back up. Then I get a couple weeks off, sorta.. I don't have to come in for chemo anyway. Hoping this round doesn't make me totally miserable like the last bout... Which will be my next session again...
I want to enroll in a tie chi (?) class.. Hopefully I feel up to it.. I certainly need to get these muscles stronger and keep active. I shaved my head last week, I never really thought it would come to that, its so surreal. I look beautiful still, don't get me wrong, I enjoy the new look as much as I can, but honestly I really miss my hair. I had colored it firecracker red just a few days before for fun.. I really liked the color! I'm going to lose my beautiful eye lashes eventually too which really makes me sad.. I love my lashes.. Oh well... Better luck next time.
Anyway it's nice to have a journal to just say whatever to, so thanks for listening and responding accordingly. Lol BlondeMoment wrote about 1 year ago: March 2011
Hi again, I made it through nearly 30 grueling hours of sitting here in this chemo chair.. Nearly completed with phase 2, then I get a couple weeks off to heal, I am praying that I don't feel nearly as miserable as my last bout, it's really difficult to try and measure..
On a lighter note dinner last night was good, unfortunately my 'butler' is not very efficient so it was kind of cold.. I had halibut, over jasmine rice and peas and corn. I ate it anyways as I was hungry and didn't want to wait any longer. I don't use microwaves and he knows that but he should have found a way to be sure my food was piping hot! Oh well, better luck next time I suppose.
He isn't officially my 'butler' tho, originally we met on one of these fetish sites. we became good online friends and kept in touch regularly for a couple of years, now here's here to help me save my life. He moved to California back in August 2010, from Mississippi to persue a future here with me as friends. Unfortunately for him my feelings weren't as mutual in the looooove dept. I love him dearly as a friend but he really lacks in the service areas, he's always got so much going on. He has helped me out a lot, keeping the resort I live at in order while I heal, which is truly a Godsend. I was having him live with me at first.. He's learned how to avoid sepping on my toes. He claims to be dominant however he is more just a stubborn brat but he's my best friend and I love him~ I know I have so many nice things to say about him lol... Oh well, better luck next time.
Moving on, yep I made it through these grueling 5 days of chemo with just 2 more hours or so to go, then just a quick injection tomorrow to get my white blood count back up. Then I get a couple weeks off, sorta.. I don't have to come in for chemo anyway. Hoping this round doesn't make me totally miserable like the last bout... Which will be my next session again...
I want to enroll in a tie chi (?) class.. Hopefully I feel up to it.. I certainly need to get these muscles stronger and keep active. I shaved my head last week, I never really thought it would come to that, its so surreal. I look beautiful still, don't get me wrong, I enjoy the new look as much as I can, but honestly I really miss my hair. I had colored it firecracker red just a few days before for fun.. I really liked the color! I'm going to lose my beautiful eye lashes eventually too which really makes me sad.. I love my lashes.. Oh well... Better luck next time.
Anyway it's nice to have a journal to just say whatever to, so thanks for listening and responding accordingly. Lol
BlondeMoment wrote about 1 year ago:April 3rd 2011
April 3rd --- did my 3rd bout of chemo last week and have just been recovering since... This time is pretty hard core, I'm experiencing so many aches and pains. Tomorrow will be a week since chemo, and a week from tomorrow I'll begin 25 hours of chemo again... It will be my fourth bout of chemo. Anyway this was just a quick update.. Looking forward to feeling better and coming out of hibernation soon.
BlondeMoment wrote about 1 year ago: April 11th 2011
April 11th round 4 of chemo... Today I was barely able to proceed with treatment due to my platelets and red blood cells just barely being high enough, though it's high risk... We're going for the cure so there's biger rewards. Maybe one or two more rounds before the second go at spine surgery in attempt to remove the cancer that way again... Then proceed with more chemo and possible radiation... Then finally I can get back to doing my normal fun activities... Like beating up boys and loving life again..... To those who have stuck by me and continued to send encouraging words and stay positive when I wasn't always able to... Those of you who were strong for me while I was feeling weak.. Thank you so much for being such loyal friends
BlondeMoment wrote about 1 year ago: Aoril 20th 2011
Rushed to the oncologists office due to having temp of 103-105 all night, her blood and platelet count dropped and she had an infection. addmitted to Eisenhower medical. from april 20th - may 9th. She was very well taken care of there, they gave Her her own personal suite, with a beautiful view and nice bath tub which she took full advantage of. Requesting bubble bath, bath beads candles.. I think this may have all been rough on her but I know she appreciated all the care recieved from the Eisenhower medical team. The nurses kept her company and though she may not have much recolection of it, quite a few friends and a couple subs came to visit her. Brought her special food and kept her company. Tiff has had an overwhelming response from so many people talking about her PH levels, and lowering the acidity in her blood, eating less red meats, more veggies, celery, carrots, kale, stuff of that nature. A friend of her's came to visit from San Diego and took her to see a well known spiritual healer, who read Her body and gave Her natural medicines.. I think that with all the medications and stuff associated with pain, chemo, and the effects of chemo. All of the RX medications are just overwhelming.. so if anyone could give her a hand with that I am sure she would very much appreciate it. For now Tiff is doing well. Recovering and things change every day, but she stays active. The sweet girl is so strong.
BlondeMoment wrote 10 months ago: June 25th 2011
Began chemo in Febuary for the first time.. Boy how I did not know what I was in store for.. 2 months into intense chemotherapy everything changed about me. I lost 20 LBS with no appetite, felt like I was dying and within 2 months I had bottomed out on all my blood levels. I spent 21 day in the hospital and recovered for 8 weeks, where I then decided to relocate and be near my dad and family.. Here to the greater Sacramento area.
Now it's June 25th 2011 I think and I'm expected to be in treatment for a few days inpatient at the UC Davis Medical clinic every other week for probably the next 6 or 7 months.
MRI and bone scans have been done and the tumor has shrunk. So all of the past traumatic chemo I had put myself though and suffered, has paid off.. I still have a spinal tap... But for now it's continuing chemo regarly in a nice bed at a the hospital for a few days at a time. In nice down town Sacramento. Such a beautiful and green city. I will be here until Sunday or Monday.. Possibly Tueday. If you want to send a card or plant or flowers or simply just drop in and share your love.. Perhaps fluff my pillow or just read me a story.. I will list how you can do that below...
I will be here a lot over the next few months so don't worry when you know it's your turn to come and male me laugh then I'll be here eager and waiting.
Thank you all for all your love and encouragment, I only hope to one day be able to give back.
BlondeMoment wrote about 8 months ago: August 2011
Had 2 rounds of chemo now since moving to northern california... maintaining my blood levels, and taking extra good care of myself in order to stay alive through this.. I'll make it though no need to worry about this strong woman.
BlondeMoment wrote about 6 months ago: Oct -- 2011
healing my body and preparring for spine surgery end of november..
BlondeMoment wrote about 5 months ago: Nov 30th 2011
Major 15 hour spine surgery today to remove the cancerous tumor.
BlondeMoment wrote about 2 months ago: Feb 15th 2012
Moved to stockton today... hope I can still manage my treatments.
?April 2012 I'm still alive... I'm on fire.. All the prayers I have received over the past months are being heard. So thank you all for keeping your prayer mats out! Some may wonder what the heck am I doing here! Well have I got stories for you! One of the best kept secrets of having faith is the blessedness and joy of cultivating a secret life. Anyway most of you may not understand or care to understand but perhaps that is why I am here and you are reading this... If I were to ever meet you it would probably be under the intention of teaching you all of what I think is wise perhaps helping you to understand your higher purpose in life? Anyway who knows, I just know if I am going to continue visiting this site, it will be with the intentions of goodness and expansion, of love and discipline.. Who knows.. No one reads this anyway! That's my April 2012 update for those who keep me in their thoughts and prayers!?
on the 26th day of October of 2010 I went to the Emergency room, for the 3rd time that month. (the first 2 times, they just gave me a morphine shot and sent me back home) I was in excruciating pain and my legs were weak and had been giving out on me, I was falling down continuously every time I had bent my knees like walking down stairs or even climbing in bed. It was very odd. I had been in pain for 7 months, from what was originally an injury that I had from working too hard. Sometimes I question what really caused the tumor to happen in the first place. Was it due to the work injury; or maybe I was prone to injury due to the mass on my spine, resulting in pain due to the location of the tumor and pressure to my spinal cord, causing nerve damage etc. or perhaps I was prone to cancer from the beginning due to trauma or whatever. Sometimes my mind can just go on and on, so I don't bother questioning anymore. I just know that I am stronger than this measly tumor, especially since ALL of it was removed on the 30th of Nov. 2011 (just over 12 months after diagnosis) I'm back on Chemo effective (Today as I edit this) Feb. 3rd 2012, nearly 12 months since I originally began chemo for the first time on Feb.21,2011. Anyway back to the ER visit in oct 2010, when the tumor was first seen on the MRI....
During this particular trip to the ER the doctor which was taking care of me, sent me for an MRI, I was in so much pain, I was in tears. I was unable to lay flat for the MRI, and I really wanted to lay down in that machine and figure out what was wrong with me. The doctors had to give me large doses of pain medication and anxiety medication before I was finally sedated enough to lay down on the MRI table for the extended period of time without moving. when the MRI results came back it was discovered that I had a tumor on my spine.
They had then admitted me to the hospital, and preformed surgery on my spine scheduled for 2 days later (10/28/10) to biopsy the tumor.. I had never had surgery before, but I knew there was no question about it, this was something I needed to do I was released from the hospital on November 7th. 2 weeks after surgery November 12th while Dr Shin the neurosurgeon who preformed the surgery/biopsy was removing the staples from the incision site, he told me that the results came back from the biopsy and it was at that moment that I was diagnosed with cancer. A very rare cancer, called Ewing's Sarcoma. Though it took much longer for the fact to actually settle in for me. I was in disbelief. It took a lot of strength to finally face the truth.
Prior to the ER visits, and the excruciating pain, I had a work injury on April 23rd 2010, so I was already going to regular doctor visits, doing physical therapy, and acupuncture. I had already had xrays, and an MRI between April and August 2010... and the doctors were unable to truly discover what was wrong, one of the first doctors I saw was not very thorough and was so quick to write it off as a simple sprain.. I quickly found a different doctor as I knew there was more to it than that and I wasn't going to just live with the pain I was experiencing that was quickly and aggressively getting worse.
So I finally got all my stuff in order, and got some assistance at first through the American Cancer Society in Palm Desert California, in order to have my consultation with my first oncologist Doctor Dreisbach. An amazing oncologist, out of the Eisenhower Medical Center.. He was very clear about my prognosis/diagnosis, shared a little with me about the disease, but as every case is different...his main focus is the treatment plan that since the treatment plan and the chemotherapy were going to be very aggressive, especially due to Ewing's Sarcoma being a very aggressive cancer/disease. Our main goal and only concern was shrinking the tumor as much as possible, using chemotherapy, making sure my body and blood and everything stayed strong enough through it, so that even though we were killing all the cells in my body, good and bad cells alike... but also making sure I survive through it as well..
I began receiving chemotherapy on the 21st of February 2011, the first round of chemo (regimen A) was just 3 days of chemo, with the following day getting a nulasta shot to keep my white blood cells from dropping too much.. and then taking the rest of the week and the following week off, while that first treatment took it's effect on me. Returning on the monday to receive regimen B, which is 5 days a week for 5 or 6 hours a day the side effect for this particular chemo drug were not fun as all. I had gotten through 2 rounds of A&B.. or 4 rounds... however you want to look at it... before my body had bottomed out... my blood levels had crashed.. my immune system was extremely weak, for 24 hours before going into the doctors office, I was suffering and my temp. was at a solid 104? or 105? I was extremely weak..
On April 20th I was rushed to my oncologist office to see the nurse practitioner when she told me that I have got a free ride to be admitted to the hospital. I had an infection and they had to preform surgery right away.. after 21 days in the hospital recovering from the minor surgery to get rid of the infection, and being well looked after I was ready to go home.. astonishingly while I was in the hospital in Southern California dealing with that, my dad was was in Northern California going through a emergency quadruple bypass surgery.
The doctors had given me 6 to 8 weeks to recover and heal from the surgery before putting me back on chemo, which would basically stop my body from healing itself, and possibly reverse the healing process.. so I had some time.. and I felt that being with family was very important. I wanted to be close to my dad with what he was gonig through.. Giving each other the opportunity to be there for one another like family should be. So I made the decision to transfer all my medical records to UC Davis Cancer Center in Sacramento. I sorted out my belongings and packed up and brought with me only what I felt was absolutely necessary. I rented a small car and arrived at my dad's house on June 6th 2010.. where we have had the opportunity to bond and be there for one another. My dad has had a few complications.. but with the support of family, our faith in God, and love for one another we shall always have the strength to survive anything that comes our way.
So now as of Feb. 3rd 2012, I have had 4 rounds of chemotherapy my last round was on Sept. 28th, I have had a second more invasive spine surgery to remove the remainder of the tumor on November 30th 2011. I have been recovering from the surgery, and feel my recovery is going well. I am now getting around a lot better, and I am just so grateful that I did not lose the ability to walk or anything, because of how risky the surgery was due to the area of the tumor. I'm still in a lot of pain... And as I lay here watching the chemo drip into my line... And begin to feel the effects of chemo take place... Its all coming back to me now... Chemotherapy is such a powerful drug.
Now that all the cancer has been removed, along with 3 or 4 more vertebrae, and other parts of my back, I am now back in chemotherapy to finish up the second half (6 more rounds) of chemo just as a precaution to ensure that the cancer does not return. I may or may not also have to do radiation.
Through this battle I have grown and learned so much about life, and family and everything in between. I have learned how strong, or even how weak I can be. I want to thank my Dad and my mom(s) for being my strongest supporters through this. I am so glad that they have been able to help pick me up when I am down and smile when I am frowning. I love you, and I promise to always be a warrior and to survive through this and always be the beautiful person every parent strives for their child to be.
*inserts My Super Hero Image here*
Thanks for reading
2/2/2012: It's official I go back in for my second half of chemo round 7 of 14 begins tomorrow as soon as UC Davis tower 8 in Sacramento calls me in the morning to let me know my bed is available <3 3 day treatment! Then in 21 days it will be round 8 of 14, 5 day treatment
I really feel like spoiling myself tonight! Hit me up if you want to go amazon shopping with Me, you know who you are and how I love your opinions on the outfits I choose.
I'm inviting some of you to my caringbridge page, where I post pictures and post all of my health updates, share my progress, and I'm inviting you to interact with me. So email me and request the link, if you are interest!
I post regular pictures on there as well.. and update my journal, baring it all.. emotionally, strengthfuly, and honestly.
I have a picture of my baldhead the first time my hair started falling out, I went bald. All of it is very facinating, the large scar down my spine from the 2 spine operations I have had. I just thank God for every beautiful day I am able to get out of bed.
I would like to invite those of you who have been following my progress and would enjoy interacting with me on caringbridge.com, while I share my journey with you, and allow you the opportunity to be among the first when I announce that I have finally conqured the desease and everything in between...
So please feel free to request the link to my caringbridge page... it is very personal so I will not be disclosing it publicly, please only request it if you are in fact someone I have corresponded with on more than just a couple of occasions!
Thank you.
Today's follow up Doctors appointment with my surgical oncologist determined that I will be moving forward with chemotherapy and possibly radiation. Though there is a good possibility that I may not require radiation therapy at all after 6 more rounds/weeks of chemo therapy :) I'm such a warrior!
LET'S GO NINERS!!! January 21st 2011 7pm, 49ers vs Giants 4th quarter, 20 seconds on the clock... 17 to 17
Happy belated 90th birthday Betty White! Jan. 17th 1922! Thank you for making television so funny!
2012 health update
nope I'm not done... I'm presently to what I always considered *the halfway point* but with cancer you never really know when it's "done".... as it's possible that it can always return.. but as far as my regimine
I'm halfway through with chemo.. *check*
second spine surgery to extract the remainder of the tumor... complete (presently I'm recovering from surgery) *check*
now I just need to go through with 5 weeks, 5 days a week of radiation (I only get one shot with radiation therapy, and the second half of chemo (7 more rounds/weeks of chemo..) we're still not for sure which we're doing 1st.
After the radiation and chemotherapy.. hopefully then the doctors can say for sure that 'there is no way that the cancer could have survived that'
as far as ever being done.... well I'm not sure when I'll ever be able to say that... considering *life after cancer* and the regular scans I'll still have to do to keep watch to be sure it doesn't return.. either way I will soon be done with radiation and chemo in the next few months.. :)
I have a good friend who is battling a very severe disease as well... called EDS.. (Ehlers-Danlos syndrome) lately my friend Heather has been having a lot of trouble, with being able to keep anything down and is losing a lot of nutrition and weight as well always being in continuous pain, her bones feeling like rubber and her life has just been taken over by this disease.. similar to my life. we have been eachother's cheer leaders through this.. Today I wrote to her this:
So I have been celibate for a year at least now. Had I not been so busy fighting cancer during this time I may have spent that time finding a lifetime life long relationship and connection. Unfortunately for that, fighting cancer has kept me focused.. I'm nearing the finish line finally and look forward to getting out of this funk and feeling energetic again. Getting back out there living life and meeting new people. For this time I guess I was meant to be single and celibate.. No relationship troubles has kept my head clear which is good.
I bet that the insane asylum would be a great place for some crazy sex.
Your dreams are waiting for you to come true!
I'm not really interested in alternative cancer treatment options... When it comes to cancer you either take a back seat or you are 1000 times progressive in getting rid of it and that means taking action and facing the fight head on and engaging in a hard core aggressive fight against the cancer.. Or whatever your battle.. My fight has been extremely progressive. 2 major back surgeries and chemotherapy is like having a nuclear bomb go off inside my body.. But it's what I've had to do... If it were only as simple as reading some sites people send me to or drinking some expensive ass tea.. Then it wouldn't be much of a fight. I just find most of that stuff hard to believe and I guess I'm not willing to change what I have to believe in as I am already well under way with my current treatment plan and have been for the past 13 months... So thanks for the links and that but I'm fine with my current treatment plan people.
oh I guess I haven't updated since before my major totally invasive, seriously out of this world, inexpressable spine surgery, where they basically removed so much of my back and spine that my spine is probably mostly bionic now. But even through recovery I feel like I can move easier, though I shouldn't be moving it around much yet. I was just so happy to see my toes wiggle when I woke up from surgery. recovery is coming along nicely, I am walking.. and working on a more upright posture. I get my own private nurses and physical therapists, to come out and visit me a couple of times a week. I love them they are so great.
I spent the last 30 hours of 2011 puking it out of my system, perhaps necessary.. not very exciting, and nothing I couldn't bare. Sometimes festivities are over rated. As for conquering this cancer, I believe the hardest parts are over........... just some radiation and second half of chemo and I should be good... I heard someone say that I can't say for sure that I am cancer free for 5 years until after I've been in remission but I believe in my heart the cancer has been removed, besides who are they to say what I can and can't say anyway. I've just got to get through with sealing the deal.. with these last steps.
As for my bdsm activities, slowed down could be an appropriate word... or perhaps come to a complete halt.. And I think I am left with a bit of decision making, as far as that goes, and the boys I thought I had by my side before this whole cancer thing took place. I'll choose more wisely in the future when it comes to those I allow into my life. knowing they would be there for me through thick and thin, sickness and in health, is an important factor.
4 more hours!!!!!!!!!! cancer is losing!!! I AM WINNING! Major spine surgery at 5:30am Pre-Op begins! 7:30AM the 10-15 hour operation begins!! please send your positive thoughts and your prayers for the surgeons hands and my peaceful recover.. Thank you <3
I go in for spine surgery at 5:30am (less than 7 hours from now) pre-op between 530am and 7am, surgery begins at 7:30, and the operation will be anywhere from 10 to 15 hours! By this time tomorrow I will be stapled and closed up.. And the remained of the cancer should be all removed from my body, and I will be on my way to a full recovery! I'm looking forward to all the sleep I'll be getting over the corse of the next couple of days! Yay I'm winning and cancer is losing!
I go in on Nov. 30th at 4am for a 13 hour spine surgery to hopefully remove all that remains of the tumor. It's going to be a hardcore operation, because the tumor is so close to my spinal cord. The risks are tremendous. The anticipation is killin me!
Ahh, the simplistic beauty of a cage!The desire to cage or be caged can be very strong. For the submissive/slave it can be the culmination of a lifetime of fantasies and dreams. To be captured and dragged off into capture and forced servitude or usage by a Dominant is to many the ultimate act of desire on the part of the Dominant or captor. There is the relinquishment of responsibility. The acknowledgment of acquired possession. It is to feel valued. Desirable and desired. In addition there is the removal of constraint. An element of freedom and release of inhibition are intricately intertwined around the concept of being captured, caged, used, owned, possessed and forced.The use of a cage denotes several things. It is stating that the captive is worthy of being kept and that this same captive is not quite tame but requires a level of external enslavement to keep them in the active possession of their owner.As you can see, caging is one of my many interests, ?My D&S passions run deep and the exploration continues.
I just got back into the swing of things now that the chemo has worn off.. ?Ive been in sac the past couple days taking care of a hand full of dr appointments/consultations before undergoing spine surgery that I've had scheduled for the 30th but was under the impression that it was my decision to undergo the spine surgery as they went over other options.. After consulting with the actual spine surgeon today I feel like it's the only option right now as far as my protocol goes... They are going at the tumor aggressively and unfortunately in my case... The tumor is on the spine in the actual T bones.. 3 of which I've already had removed... And have hardware in place.. So they also have to remove that hardware... And some more T bones.... Basically to ensure that they get it all.... However if they don't get it all then I'll be doing 5 weeks of radiation 5 days a week.. After completing the second half of chemo.. Yeah that's a lot of information lol so yeah hopefully they don't bang my spinal cord around too much.. They may even come in around the side if they have to and remove bits of my rib cage on my back.. I'm basically putting it in the hands of the Lord and the surgeons. It's going to be a stressful surgery for everyone.. And if I become paraplegic as a result... I will manage to still live my life to the fullest.. I'm up for the challenge... And I'll be happy to be fed lunch or dinner lol
Oh boy... I have some big decisions to make moving forward with getting rid of the tumor on my spine... Good news is that the tumor has responded extremely well to chemotherapy and shrunk significantly.. Now I must decide if I want to go forward with my second spine surgery which would be much more invasive with risks involved.. In addition (or instead of surgery) 5 weeks of daily radiation.. Wow.. I really have some thinking to do.
I am moderately vulgar, to say the least.? Degradation and objectification are things you should enjoy if you ever consider being a part of my world.? The best boys in my opinion are the ones who embrace their need to be used and used hard, all pride out the window; you know your place in this world & you're not ashamed of it;? it's not a blow to your dignity, it is simply a facet of your character, and there's no need to call it a guilty pleasure.? It is a part of you.? Women like myself have a deep and urgent need to dominate these type of boys;? It's existential. ? I don't care about social status or degrees or equality.? I believe that nature knows best, and I embrace the Dominant/submissive way of life.?I'm dominant and controlling.? I'm looking for a slave, or else a sub who is borderline slave.? I've got a host of likes/dislikes posted;? I want someone who is at least 70% in-tune with those preferences.?
Stolen:
100% totally true profile. I am a major league football player with millions of dollars in the bank. My penis is long enough to be covered under the SALT II strategic weapons limitations treaty. My wang scares the ruskies enough they tried to have it banished from use across oceans, but I just cock slapped them until they came around. I am the hardest core dominant ever, and I will think nothing of roundhouse kicking you right in the uterus if you disagree with that fact. Because I'm just that oldguard/gorean/norrisite. My fetishes are all of them, except for the ones I do not like, which really aren't fetishes, but mental illnesses. You will obey me. If you are refusing to obey me right now, then clearly you are mentally handicapped, and a communist. And have carnal knowledge of livestock. Also, your mom smells. ipad? I invented it. Only it was called the "kickassmachinething 3000." I am in no way a generally nerdy, mostly well behaved, 20 something switch that desperately wants to escape the world . I hate intellectual conversations, and I remain looking for easy cheap screws in the backseat of my Ferrari. ? I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments. ? I'm?20yr old living?in planet earth.I still program on occasion and play some computer games. I watch many films and listen to a tremendous amount of and variety of music. I thoroughly enjoy discussion on film, music, philosophy, psychology, politics, literature and anything exceedingly pretentious.People also say I'm very straightforward. People are stupid. ? ? "On bended knee, prostrate before an altered tree, I've made the forest suit me. Tables and chairs, papers and prayers, matter versus spirit, a metal ladder, a wooden cross, a plastic bottle of water, a mandala encased in glass, a spirit encased in flesh, sound from shaped hollows, the thickest of mucus released from heightened passion, a man that cries in his sleep, a truth that has gone out of fashion, a mode of expression, a paint splattered wall, a carton of cigarettes, a boquet of corpses, a dying forest, a nurtured garden, a privatized prison, a candle with a broken wick, a puddle that reflects the sun, a piece of paper with my name on it. I'm surrounded, I surrender." - Saul Williams, from "Release" ? ? "If you're 20 and not a liberal, you have no heart. If you're 40 and not a conservative... good for you. You didn't sell yourself out."? -Sayak Mukherjee ? "A professional soldier understands that war means killing people, war means maiming people, war means families left without fathers and mothers. All you have to do is hold your first dying soldier in your arms, and have that terribly futile feeling that his life is flowing out and you can't do anything about it. Then you understand the horror of war. Any soldier worth his salt should be anti-war. And still, there are things worth fighting for." -General H. Norman Schwarzkopf ? "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." -George Carlin ? "There is no greater impotence in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you." -Norman Mailer ? "I, as a responsible adult human being, will never concede the power to anyone to regulate my choice of what I put into my body, or where I go with my mind. From the skin inwards is my jurisdiction, is it not? I choose what may or may not cross that border. Here I am the Customs Agent. I am the Coast guard. I am the sole legal and spiritual government of this territory, and only the laws I choose to enact within myself are applicable." -Alexander Shulgin ? "You are young and life is long and there is time to kill todayAnd then one day you find ten years have got behind youNo one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun"-Pink Floyd "Whoever lays his hand on me to govern me is a usurper and tyrant, and I declare him my enemy." - Pierre-Joseph Proudhon
FINALLY! I bought a vehicle today, now I can drive my ass where ever I please!
I'm looking for a Toyota, under $5k, under 100k miles, with a clean title, preferably tinted windows, preferably automatic, preferably a corolla, though I would be ok with a Tacoma small pickup, or a camry. Preferably 2000 or newer. If you can help let me know, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you!
I get messages or responses from people who find out I'm battling cancer and some people say "wow, you're so young" however, the sort of cancer Ive been diagnosed with is usually found in much younger people, children, and young teens. I am just a unique case. Though cancer doesn't usually discriminate...It also never sleeps.
Anyway I do appreciate the well wishes. And all the prayers and encouraging emails and love I receive here from some very considerate, thoughtful, unique characters. I appreciate laughter and optimism, and sarcasm and most of all I appreciate those who have subscribed to my journal entries, and followed up with my progress. It's nice to know that I have a parade of people here battling with me. I love all the support and encouragement.. Most of all I love knowing that I will be fine, and that I can't wait for the day I can post to my journal.. The big news about me beating cancer and being cancer free and get back to living a good healthy fun lifestyle with lots of activity! I'll have to host a spanking party or something so I can get my play fix that I've been dying for! (I typed this halfawake) so my apology for the half assed journal entry.
I'm so excited for what's to come in the future!
Ah, I had such a wonderful day. I am feeling great! Been off of chemo since sept 28th, and preparing for back surgery soon getting all my pre-op tests done. Had an amazing massage today courtesy of my best friend Miss Hollywood and everything just feels right, right now! I'm getting use to being single, I get lonely sometimes but I'm okay with that. I know he is going to be worth every lonely moment I have to spend with myself until he is finally with me. Who ever he might be :p I can't wait to be wrapped in his strong arms.
Me~
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently.
Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you ought to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
Ooo the way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh
The way your kisses taste
I missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do, How I do
I've missed you
But I haven't met you
Oh but I want to yes I do!
it'sbeen about 2 years now since I met my boytoy here on collarme. we still haven't metface to face yet, but we've managed to keep in touch and I can only dream of the day whenwe're not so far away. babe;you know who you are..and I just wantto thank you for continuingto put in the effort to show yourlove for me from so far.I do love and care for you more than youcould even begin tounderstand. I have been battling thiscancer for nearly a year now, and Iknow how hard it must befor you tohave seen me the way I have been,your love andstength has kept mestrong. Thankyou for keeping mein your heartand being with me all along.
Your one and only
How is it that I feel soooooo amazing lately, better than I have in years... Yet I get my blood drawn yesterday at the lab and they called today saying everything is really low and I'm at high risk!! Anyway I go in for transfusions tomorrow, let's see if these babies will boost back up! I'm so grateful to those who donate their blood for this to be possible for me! Thank you world! Thank you God! Thank you doctors and nurses!
September 3rd I hope everyone has a safe and fun labor day weekend!! Please Don't Drink and Drive!!!
I just finished with round 7 of 14 of chemo and go back in on sept 15th for the 8th round which will put me more than halfway through chemo !!! So I'll be back at UC Davis hospital in Sac for 5 days (sept 15-20th)
Following that round of chemo the doctors will be giving me a few weeks for my body to bounce back and be as healthy as ever.. In order to proceed with the second go at intensive back/spine surgery to get whatever might be left of the tumor! Then I heal and finish the last few rounds of chemo!
So there you have it folks!! If you care to know more... Continue reading my journal (past & future)
Thank you
September 3rd I hope everyone has a safe and fun labor day weekend!! Please Don't Drink and Drive!!!
I just finished with round 7 of 14 of chemo and go back in on sept 15th for the 8th round which will put me more than halfway through chemo !!! So I'll be back at UC Davis hospital in Sac for 5 days (sept 15-20th)
Following that round of chemo the doctors will be giving me a few weeks for my body to bounce back and be as healthy as ever.. In order to proceed with the second go at intensive back/spine surgery to get whatever might be left of the tumor! Then I heal and finish the last few rounds of chemo!
So there you have it folks!! If you care to know more... Continue reading my journal (past & future)
Thank you
August 25th 2011 Round 4A of Chemo began! If I'm lucky and everything goes smoothly....
I will be out of the hospital by my birthday on Sunday August 28th!
"I've got the moves like jagger"
"Just shoot for the stars if it feels right Then aim for my heart if you feel like"
CLEARING THINGS UP JULY 2011 UPDATE if you cant handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best....
So there was a cancerous tumor found on my spine back in November. It has not spread thank God. It has responded to chemotherapy and shrunk a bit, and will continue to shrink over the next few months of chemotherapy, until it disappears or the remainder is removed with surgery. Chemo does a lot of interesting things, it messes with my coordinatation, my mind, body, and soul. It's not easy, it does cause nausea, and vomiting among other things. They do provide anti-nausea medication and all sorts of new medications which ease the process of chemotherapy. But it is still not easy, and it's not meant to be easy, unfortunately. That's where the life changing aspect of it comes in. Battling cancer is just that, a battle, a fight, and everyone who encounters it will fight for their life. There is no other choice. I presently spend a week every three weeks at UC Davis med center in Sac, getting better. Just a minor bump in the road... So if you can offer good bedside manner, patience, strength, humor, and you think you can handle being by my side through this tough time I welcome your compassion and love
So much weird stuff happens to a person's mind, body and soul when they are on chemo.. It's beyond words! Blehhh.
Tomorrow, I begin phase B of cycle 3..... So I'll be at UC Davis medical center in Sacramento for 5 or 6 days. Then back home to recover for a couple of weeks. Ohhh and I am finally buying my new car, as soon as I feel well enough after this round of chemo! I am so excited. I want the 2011 scion TC, but then again I would probably be happy in a 2011 Toyota Corola.. I'm going to have to have to figure out which is the best choice for me. I really like the Scion TC though. I don't need a vehicle that costs more than 20k so that's my limit. Anyway I am just happy to have something to look forward to after this hospital stay.
June 24th 2011 UPDATE
Began chemo in Febuary for the first time.. Boy how I did not know what I was in store for.. 2 months into intense chemotherapy everything changed about me. I lost 20 LBS with no appetite, felt like I was dying and within 2 months I had bottomed out on all my blood levels. I spent 21 day in the hospital and recovered for 8 weeks, where I then decided to relocate and be near my dad and family.. Here to the greater Sacramento area.
Now it's June 25th 2011 I think and I'm expected to be in treatment for a few days inpatient at the UC Davis Medical clinic every other week for probably the next 6 or 7 months.
MRI and bone scans have been done and the tumor has shrunk. So all of the past traumatic chemo I had put myself though and suffered, has paid off.. I still have a spinal tap... But for now it's continuing chemo regarly in a nice bed at a the hospital for a few days at a time. In nice down town Sacramento. Such a beautiful and green city. I will be here until Sunday or Monday.. Possibly Tueday. If you want to send a card or plant or flowers or simply just drop in and share your love.. Perhaps fluff my pillow or just read me a story.. I will list how you can do that below...
I will be here a lot over the next few months so don't worry when you know it's your turn to come and male me laugh then I'll be here eager and waiting.
Thank you all for all your love and encouragment, I only hope to one day be able to give back.
Miss Entriken
UC Davis Medical Center
4501 x street #8753 -2
Sacramento ca. 95917
916)703-3080
I am almost done with phase A of cycle 3!! Making progress!
June 2011 update
I began an intensive chemo regimin back in Febuary and within 2 months of having chemo every 2 weeks I was laid up in the hospital after bottoming out! It was intense!
I don't recall a lot of stuff that I did, and conversations I had.. While I was hospitalized. I was so drugged up.
I didnt really get to recover when my blood levels started declining, which was right away.. My oncolgist wasn't giving me enough recovery time. We were on a strict schedule and as long as my blood levels were just barely high enough we continued. The last bout he told me it was going to be rough because my blood levels only barely recovered 2 DAYS BEFORE I had to do ANOTHER 25 hours of chemo, 2 or 3 days after that I was laid out! Infected, abscessed, bottomed out! It was nuts! 5 units of blood, 1 unit of platelets, and tons of antibiotics, and 21 days in the hospital later...... Here I am..
Anyway I'm doing good right now.. Its been since mid april since my last chemo session and my body has mostly bounced back to normal and I am so grateful for this recovery time, Since I couldn't do chemo until the surgery completely healed I had the opportunity to relocate and be with family. I have my consultation with my new oncologist in Sacramento tomorrow, and back to the hard stuff again. I don't think I will ever be READY to continue but I was never truly ready for any of this... I still am not! But I am fighting this battle like a champ..
I'll try and keep you posted, though it gets tough when my levels begin declining, and I'm just incappable of so much. Don't take it personal, just be consistent and patient.
2011 TWO THOUSAND AND ELEVEN 2011 ?
UPDATE ?
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I was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer recently, so I am presently and throughout the entire year of 2011... battling cancer, crushing it like a scrawny little bitch boy! ?
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So unless you can assist in my battle in anyway.. I really don't have any desire to meet with anyone new. ?
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I do treatments 2 weeks out of the month, for a total of 40 hours each month. I travel to Sacramento for each treatment. I would be interested in meeting someone who is sane, considerate, polite, loving, clean, and healthy.... To name a few.. Who lives in the city of Sacramento, as that would be helpful to not have to be caught in traffic when I should be resting.... If you think we could be friends, or preferably possibly D/s compatible, and you meet this criteria - I would love to hear from you!!
April 11th round 4 of chemo...
Today I was barely able to proceed with treatment due to my platelets and red blood cells just barely being high enough, though it's high risk... We're going for the cure so there's biger rewards. Maybe one or two more rounds before the second go at spine surgery in attempt to remove the cancer that way again... Then proceed with more chemo and possible radiation... Then finally I can get back to doing my normal fun activities... Like beating up boys and loving life again..... To those who have stuck by me and continued to send encouraging words and stay positive when I wasn't always able to... Those of you who were strong for me while I was feeling weak.. Thank you so much for being such loyal friends.
A good D/s relationship, even more than a vanilla one, requires communication, understanding and trust. I've seen too many BDSM relationships fail due to a sort of mad rush to connect, a manic push to feel that intense shared sexual bond that then fell apart when the novelty was over and the partners found out that there was nothing else they had in common.
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I make a huge distinction between D/s and bdsm....? lately.. over the last decade or more Ive seen online and 'munch' groups trying to blend D/s and bdsm... (you even see this on wikipedia)....? but they are not the same things.
BDSM actually was formed from two commonly referred to groups.?? Bondage & Discipline..? and Sadomasochism.?? They simply form a contraction that is an umbrella for "all things kink".
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But contrary to internet lore.. D/s.. is not the DS in the middle of BDSM.
Many many people enjoy bdsm as just what it is.? Sexual kink... fetishes.. and nothing more.
WHich is why they are refereed to as Tops, bottoms and switches.? They merely play the role of a Dom or sub during thier scene time.
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BDSM however has nothing to do with a relationship or lifestyle.
D/s.. does. Its BASED on a relationship.? No relationship.. no D/s.
D/s minded people as a rule ENJOY bdsm..? but its just an aspect.? Lifestylers are the Doms, subs, masters and slaves....
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Honestly, openness, trust.. are keys to this way of life.
Without it... you might as well not even begin.?? And those things have to take root in the forming of the relationship before you can really start digging into D/s.. or bdsm for that matter.
Lately, I get bored talking about myself really, talking about all this medical shit all the time. A friend told me about this site called caringbridge.org which is a site that is set up to make it easier to brodcast updates and status through the battle, I'm going to set one up, hopefully get some help keeping it updated..
I felt like shit this morning, just dead weight, but I had a couple of appointments to make it to, had to go to this 'look good feel better' beauty class type thing, they gave me a bunch of makeup and beauty tips it was great, some head wraps and stuff. Then I had to go have my labs done, my platelets are low as expected and I guess I'm on watch for infection. I have to watch my temperature. Afterwards, I made it over to my friend Jenn's who proof read my letter to chelsea, and critiqued it a bit.. She also gave me some pot brownies which really help with the nausea. She gave me one of Chelsea Handler's book which I'm reading faster than any other book I have ever picked up. So if you ever want to get me a gift make it one of Chelsea Handler's books or standups.. I am really in love with this woman.
I got back home and it's been such a beautiful day. I just wish I were feeling better. I've just been resting, I have a feeling it's going to be a tough week. Anyway I'm going to get back to my book and probably a nap!
Peace!
I'm so out of it today, yesterday was nice, busier than normal, but at the same time not. I live on a clothing optional resort, I am 'The' resident and have been here since last April, so I have been getting acquainted with my guests and making friends with them over time. A lot of the people who are here this weekend I haven't seen since November when I was in the hospital so some of them didn't really know about the big C passing through me. My friends Kristen is here this weekend, she's a Sherrif, her and I have become great friends, we use to take turns with the flogger, we'd usually be drunk so neither of us really hurt one another, even though we tried. She's one of my favorite guest, perhaps for this reason. It's been an emotional weekend, but good for the spirit and soul.
I also took the time to lay out and get some sun yesterday. I'm also in the process of writing to my favorite comedian Chelsea Handler. I'll tell you more about that some other time. I also had some friends John and Jenn here this weekend, she really took care of me with food and love, she calls herself my adopted mother. She's very spiritual and connected, I'm really blessed to have met her and to have her so close. I haven't really gone to any of my guests houses yet, but I'm going to see Jenn on Monday or Tuesday she has a couple of books I'm going to borrow and a wig for me. So it will be good. Today I'm feeling quiet uncomfortable physically. So I'm just taking it easy and staying inside I did get a little too much sun yesterday.
Noah has really been shitty lately. I mean just really not good at helping me get by. I don't have much of an appetite or energy nor do I feel like always asking him to feed me or give me something to drink. Especially since everything also taste funny.
Kathy is away visiting her honey so it's my responsibility to look after the resort. I think we were sold out this weekend. Either way Noah could have been much more helpful instead of getting so drunk! I do truly wish I had A true slave through this time. Unfortunately I wasn't successful at finding and training one before this health hurdle, there's really not a chance that I'd be willing to train anyone in my ways and standards while I'm focused on healing. Not a chance.
I shaved my head yesterday! I'm bald now! It's lovely actually I have a very sexy bald head.
Today is day one of phase 2 of chemotherapy.. Sitting in the chemotherapy chair right now as I'm typing this. So far I'm ok! Hoping that this round doesn't make me as ill as the last bout! We'll just have to see. I have to do at least 5 hours a day every day this week. Love and Encouragement is always welcome :)
Finally a WOMENS DAY
I start chemotherapy today... I've been preparing myself for the past week and a half.. But this is really harder to prepare for than I ever anticipated.. Now that I'm finally sitting here in this chair getting ready for them to inject my body with these medications.. I am still a little beside myself. But this is so REAL. Truly a life changing day. I am almost looking forward to losing my hair, it will only mean that I am nearing the end of all of this. Thank you to those who have been standing by and supporting me through this. All of your positive thoughts and prayers are very appreciated. Keep the supportive emails coming!
BlondeMoment
(MissHarmony)
So here's my update on this cancer that is trying to make itself a home in my body... Not for long! So I go tomorrow for my consultation to have a port implanted on me (it's like a permanent IV) I go back to have that implanted on Monday, then I begin chemotherapy on the 21st. Every other week I do 5 hours of chemo 5 days a week. For 2 months. Get scanned again, then (The oncologist says inevitably I have to have surgery on my spine again to remove the remainder of the cancer) I don't want to believe that.....
Because,
In the mean time I am going green and organic and eating as raw as possible on a strict diet. I'm also making the alkalinity and oxygen levels higher in my body.. as well as monitoring my blood PH levels... not eating sugars, which means no fruit juices, or candy or cocktails! I'm taking vitamins which allow me to get the vitamins in fruit and veggies without the sugars.. I'm taking organic baking powder baths and op-topically putting organic maple syrup and baking powder with a cap or two of oregano oil creating a paste and smoothing it on the cancer site so as my skin absorbs the concoction the cancer cells will eat the sweet syrup and get eliminated from the baking powder. I am hopeful that I will meet with Dr. Mein on Tuesday the 15th she is well educated in alternative medicine.
After that, if the cancer is still present... I do 2 more months of chemotherapy and possible radiation.
In a year from now I will be cancer free! And MORE good news is that it has not spread, and isn't anywhere else in my body, Just in my back. I encourage and appreciate everyone to keep me in your positive thoughts, send all your love and healing light my way pretty please! Thank you!
So here's my update on this cancer that is trying to make itself a home in my body... Not for long! So I go tomorrow for my consultation to have a port implanted on me (it's like a permanent IV) I go back to have that implanted on Monday, then I begin chemotherapy on the 21st. Every other week I do 5 hours of chemo 5 days a week. For 2 months. Get scanned again, then (The oncologist says inevitably I have to have surgery on my spine again to remove the remainder of the cancer) I don't want to believe that.....
Because,
In the mean time I am going green and organic and eating as raw as possible on a strict diet. I'm also making the alkalinity and oxygen levels higher in my body.. as well as monitoring my blood PH levels... not eating sugars, which means no fruit juices, or candy or cocktails! I'm taking vitamins which allow me to get the vitamins in fruit and veggies without the sugars.. I'm taking organic baking powder baths and op-topically putting organic maple syrup and baking powder with a cap or two of oregano oil creating a paste and smoothing it on the cancer site so as my skin absorbs the concoction the cancer cells will eat the sweet syrup and get eliminated from the baking powder. I am hopeful that I will meet with Dr. Mein on Tuesday the 15th she is well educated in alternative medicine.
After that, if the cancer is still present... I do 2 more months of chemotherapy and possible radiation.
In a year from now I will be cancer free! And MORE good news is that it has not spread, and isn't anywhere else in my body, Just in my back. I encourage and appreciate everyone to keep me in your positive thoughts, send
all your love and healing light my way pretty please! Thank you!
Latest activity
I'm doing a lot better this week after getting some answers from my doctors and getting more paperwork processed so I can get this moving along. I have a few more scans to do to make sure the cancer hasn't spread since my last MRI in November. Then they can tell me what stage I'm at and how long I'll be in treatment and how intense it will be. So it's getting really close. Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts
Wooooooooooooooooooo
Finally... I have all my paper work in order to submit for review by the desert cancer foundation...
Soo I will soon begin the cancer treatment that I need in order to rid my body of this ugly cancer!
I'm feeling positive and stronger than ever.... and truly excited to begin my treatments and conquer this cancer!!
I am almost even excited to shave my head if it's inevitable that I'll lose my hair... my only regret is that it isn't long enough to donate to locs of love!!
Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and has a smashing New Year!
On the brighter side of things I am loving my new iPhone 4! It gives me the opportunity to read and respond to emails that I wouldn't normally find the time to respond to... I guess because I haven't been that comfortable sitting behind my computer lately but happy that my phone now allows me to enjoy corresponding better on collarme.
Unfortunately.... the pathology report came back and the tumor ended up being cancerous... I have a very rare form of cancer called Ewing's Sarcoma.. it's really kind of hard to say this publically... because I don't want to be treated differently, or to have anyone feel sorry for me, I have every intention on beating this and surviving so....
I have to begin chemotherapy and radiation soon.... my only fears are that I will lose my hair and be sick... but hopefully not.... at least not for long...
I could really use some cheering up... and some assistance so I am actively seeking a Mistress/slave relationship as long as it doesn't require too much of my energy.. also you must be local because I really don't have the patience to put up with someone 24/7, I also prefer someone with significant experience as well as someone who is domestically skilled.. this would be strictly a Mistress/slave connection so if you have any bright ideas you might as well squash them and get over yourself.. because I don't want a boyfriend, or any hassle.
So I have been back home a few days now, and my recovery is coming along nicely. I finally got a decent night sleep last night. I'm soo exceited to get back to tip top condition, I am so thankful to be alive!! I am so looking forward to having all of my motor skills and strength back so I can start really working on making my body more indestructible!
I am writing this while posted up in the hospital fresh from surgery.
What an intense year it has been, This month of October alone has been record breaking.
I've not been on collarme much lately. I have been injured since April 2010, due to a work injury, seems however, my injury has been quickly declining into a very debilitating state. Come to find out on October 22nd when rushed to emergency room, it was discovered that I had a Tumor on my Spine.
I had surgery on October 26th. My neurosurgeon removed a large portion of bone from my spine due to the tumor pressing against my spinal cord to the point that it was bending my spinal cord and it had invaded the bone, replacing that portion of bone with metal braces and screws. The tumor which has been removed is going though pathology, to discover weather it is benign or cancerous. I am positive in my heart however that everything will be fine.
A very special Thank you to my canada boy for the surprises.
The chocolates are to die for, hand crafted assorted gourmets that were created especially for my sophisticated palette! And the books you included.. you're so creative and thoughtful sending me "The Rum Diary" and "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and when I got home today november 4th) I had another gift waiting for me, which turned out to be a super cute bonzai tree! you're so crative and thoughtful it makes me want to sit on your face lol. Thank you for making me smile, no matter your distance. xxx
I'm so thankful I made it through such an intense surgery, and finally discovered what was causing most of my pain and had it removed.. I still have quite a bit of recovering to do.. have like 30 staples in my back looking forward to those being removed in a week and putting all of this past me.
What you are about to read is a blog about male slavery/a slave and how he met his Mistress.. I am totally intrigued by it and thought it may be helpful or intriguing to others so I'm posting the 7 parts here in My journal. Enjoy
It was early in 1995 when I first met Madam. I was forty five years old and Madam was in her late forties. I had visited a number of Dominatrixes on many occasions to take advantage of their profession services and satisfy my submissive tendencies but somehow the experiences were never entirely satisfying and I often yearned for something where control would be taken entirely from me as would be the situation for a real slave.
Those who use professional dominant women are not slaves in the real sense of the word as they are in control of the situation and I was really looking for something more. So it was with great interest that I read Madam?s advertisement in a contact magazine requiring the services of a true slave in a long term relationship. The advertisement required an application in writing giving personal details and setting out my ideas on what a slave is and what his duties are. I duly applied and was very happy a week or so later to receive a telephone call telling me to report to Madam for an interview.
Our first meeting lasted no more than a couple of hours during which Madam explained in detail what she wanted from a future slave. She explained that She had been a professional dominatrix but now wished to be served by a real slave who in the nature of his slavery had no choice but to obey her in everything. She explained her ideas about ?non consensual slavery? pointing out the need to impose conditions which would compel the slave to obey.
She explained that acceptance of these conditions would mean that the slave would never be allowed to back out of the relationship and that if he ever wished to do so he would suffer a penalty which would mean public humiliation and the likelihood that he would find obtaining employment in the future very difficult. Madam did not explain exactly what this would involve but assured me that it would be very unpleasant.
After questioning me and asking me if I wished to continue Madam then set out her terms. She required total absolute unconditional slavery with no opportunity for release as defined by the term ?non consensual? slave. I would have to obey Madam and defer to her in all things without question. Nothing else would be acceptable. She then ordered me to strip naked, to stand and slowly turn around. Then she instructed me to bow to her in a particular way, to kneel in a particular way and bow my forehead to the floor. She then ordered me to stand, turn and touch my toes. She gave me five cuts with a cane quite hard across my buttocks; I assume to gauge my reaction. Then she ordered me to dress.
Before leaving Madam explained that she was interviewing several potential slaves and that if She required me to attend for a second interview She would let me know. She then instructed me to leave.
It was at least two weeks before I heard from Madam again. She phoned and ordered me to report to her on the following Saturday morning. I was to have my pubic hair shaved off and my hair cropped to 1mm length all over. Also on arrival I was immediately to strip naked and kneel before her as previously indicated. I was a little apprehensive about this but knew that if I argued at all I would not see Madam again.
That Friday evening I shaved and cropped my hair with electric clippers. My stomach was churning in anticipation of the morning to follow.
I made sure I was early for the appointment and rang the door bell exactly on time. Madam answered the door and beckoned me to enter. She said nothing but retreated to the lounge and took her seat on the sofa. I followed, stood in the centre of the room, stripped and knelt as she required.
?Well slave? She said ?it seems you can obey simple instructions, you may be suitable for my needs.?
I thanked her but was immediately rebuked.
?Slaves speak only when asked a direct question? She said.
I felt suitable humbled.
There was a document on the floor in the centre of the room. She ordered me to pick it up and read it.
It was entitled ?Conditions of slavery? and they were as follows.
Slavery will be total, absolute, unconditional and non consensual for life.
The slave will have no opportunity to change his mind once he has surrendered his liberty.
The slave will have absolutely no rights except that he will receive medical treatment and care if he needs it.
The slave will resign his job and work for Madam in her business.
The slave will receive no payment but a sum will be set aside each month in an investment fund.
The slave will sell or transfer to Madam all property and the proceeds will be used to initiate the investment fund.
The slave will have access to this fund only in the event of Madam?s death or the slave becoming too ill to continue his servitude.
The slave will perform all services demanded accepting that nothing will be demanded which would give rise to injury or ill health.
The slave will accept any conditions of life imposed by Madam accepting that none will be required which would give rise to injury or ill health.
After giving me some time to read the document Madam asked if I would be prepared to accept the conditions. I thought for a moment. These conditions were starkly severe when set out in black and white on paper. I asked politely if I could have a few days to think about it. She smiled and agreed. And she told me that she would have dismissed me immediately if I had readily agreed, saying that it was a very serious and far reaching decision that had to be made and should not be made on the spur of the moment. Then she sent me home with instructions to call her if I was ready to submit to her conditions.
It took me nearly a week whilst I wrestled with confliction emotions. I really wanted this but the conditions were strict, rigorous and uncompromising. But then I thought about what Madam had said about professional Dommes and so called consenting slaves. She was exactly right. This would be real slavery, a total surrender of control and if that is what I wanted there were to be no half measures. I would have to submit totally or not at all.
I rang Madam saying I was ready and would agree to all of her conditions. She seemed pleased and ordered me to report to her the next weekend. In the meantime I was to give notice to resign my job and terminate the rental on my flat. I would move in with her the following weekend. I took one suitcase with everyday clothes which I would need for my job. Madam told me I was to bring nothing else. In my slavery to Madam there are some days which I remember as clearly as they were yesterday. This day was one of them; the day when I was given my first lessons in discipline.
When I entered the house She again went to the lounge. I followed and was about to strip when she stopped me. I then received my first instruction as a slave. Taking the case upstairs to the room she had indicated I stripped and put on the leather collar which was lying on the bed. I waited for her signal to report. A few minutes later Madam rang her bell and. I hurried downstairs, entered the lounge crawling on my hands and knees with my nose to the floor as I had been instructed and stopped in the centre of the room. I knelt up with my hands locked tightly behind my back and my knees spread as wide as I could manage and bowed my head to the floor. I then prostrated myself, nose to the floor, buttocks raised and thighs spread wide. This is exactly how I have entered into Madam?s presence ever since that day. She informed me that I would have just fifteen seconds to be on my knees at her feet when the bell sounded and that I would receive one stroke of the cane for every second I was late. My training as a slave had begun.
Madam then told me to go to the table at the side of the room, take the piece of paper, sign it then return it to her. I was about to reply but she stopped me before I had said even a word. She then gave me further instructions, detailed in every way as to how to carry out her orders. Apparently I was not to speak when given an order. I was to kneel up, bow my head to the floor and await her signal to obey. This could be anything but would usually be a click of the fingers. So when she clicked her fingers I crawled backwards to the table, took the paper, signed it and carried it to Madam holding it between my teeth. I presented it into her lap, crawled back to the spot in the centre of the room, knelt, bowed and prostrated myself. The paper read as follows:
I alex (it showed my full name) submit to Madam (Madam's Full Name) In total absolute unconditional and non consensual slavery for life.
Next She ordered me to stand. She then fastened a steel ring about the base of my cock and balls. The ring, which was thick and heavy, fitted tightly making my cock and balls stick out rather prominently. The two halves were held together with a screw on each side. Madam made a reference then saying that the ring would suffice until I was fitted properly with a chastity belt. This puzzled me somewhat as I did not know that such a device existed. I later discovered how mistaken I was.
Madam returned to her sofa and, clicking her fingers, pointed to the floor. I soon learnt that this was the signal to prostrate myself at her feet. I am not sure how long I remained in that position but it must have been for at least ten minutes before she spoke again.
I borrowed this next bit from a very precious submissive's journal entry... I loved it and felt it to be truthful and worthy of being in My journal.
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Elise Sutton said it all: "Ladies, what are you looking for in a man? How would you describe the perfect man? How about a man that would worship the ground that you walked on? A man that would focus his energy and his attention on you all of the time. A man that would treat you like a Queen, would pamper you, give you foot and body massages, and who would get more pleasure out of pleasuring you than receiving pleasure himself. How about a man that do whatever you told him to do, without arguing or complaining? A man that would not only do all of his chores like cutting the grass and washing the cars, but would also do housework, the laundry, the grocery shopping, and even the cooking. How about a man that would wine and dine you and shower you with gifts? A man that would not cop jealous attitudes whenever you talk with or spend time with another man. Above all, a man that would love you with all of his heart and who would view you as his Goddess"
Just For Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Against You (Then Watch It Go Away)
So often we are immobilized by the slightest criticism. We treat it like an emergency, and defend ourselves as if we were in a battle. In truth, however, criticism is nothing more than an observation by another person about us, our actions, or the way we think about somehting, that doesn't match the vision we have of ourselves. Bid deal!
When we react to criticism with a knee-jerk, defensive response, it hurts. We feel attacked, and we have a need to defend or to offer a counter criticism. We fill our minds with angry or hurtful thoughts directed at ourselves or at the person who is being critical. All this reaction takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you. I'm not talking about turning into a doormat or ruining your self-esteem by believing all negativity that comes in your direction. I'm only suggesting that there are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.
One of the first times I consciously agreed with criticism directed toward me was many years ago when a friend said to me "sometimes you talk to much" I remember feeling momentarily hurt before deciding to agree. I responded by saying, "you're right, I do talk too much sometimes." I discovered something that changed my life. In agreeing with her, I was able to see that she has a good point. I often do talk too much! What's more, my non defensive reaction helped her to relax. A few minutes later she said, "you know, you're sure easy to talk to." I doubt she would have said that had I become angry at her observation. I've since learned that reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.
Give this strategy a try. I think you'll discover that agreeing with the occasional criticism has more value than it costs.
Resist the Urge to Criticize
When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.
If you attend a gathering and listen to all the criticism that is typically levied against others, and then go home and consider how much good all that criticism actually does to make our world a better place, you'll probably come up with the same answer hat I do: Zero! It does no good. But that's not all. Being critical not only solves nothing; it contributes to all of the anger and distrust in our world. After all, none of us likes to be criticized. Our reaction to criticism is usually to become defensive and/or withdrawn. A person who feels attacked is likely to do one of two things: he will either retreat in fear or shame, or he will attack or lash out in anger. How many times have you criticized someone and had them respond by saying, "Thank you so much for pointing out my flaws. I really appreciate it."?
Criticism, like swearing, is actually nothing more than a bad habit. It's something we get used to doing; we're familiar with how it feels. It keeps us busy and gives us something to talk about.
If, however, you take a moment to observe how you actually feel immediately after you criticize someone, you'll notice that you will feel a little deflated and ashamed, almost like you're the one who has been attacked. The reason this is true is that when we criticize, it's a statement to the world and to ourselves, "I have a need to be critical." This isn't something we are usually proud to admit.
The solution is to catch yourself in the act of being critical. Notice how often you do it and how bad it makes you feel. What I like to do is turn it into a game. I still catch myself being critical, but as my need to criticize arises, I try to remember to say to myself, "There I go again." Hopefully, more often than not, I can turn my criticism into tolerance and respect.
The next few entries, I had posted on My facebook, and thought it would be appropriate to share them in My journal here on collarme, and attempt to make the world a better place one journal entry at a time... so I hope you enjoy and hopefully the next few entries make a nice impact on your life.
Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, or Appreciate about Them ?
How often do you remember (or take the time), to tell people how much you like, admire, or appreciate them? For many people, it's not often enough. In fact, when I ask people how often they receive heartfelt compliments from others, I hear answers like "I can't remember the last time I received a compliment," "Hardly ever" and sadly, "I never receive them."
There are several reasons why we don't vocally let others know about our positive feelings towards them. I've heard excuses like, "They don't need to hear me say that--they already know," But when you ask the would-be recipient if he or she enjoys being given genuine compliments and positive feed-back, the answer nine times out of ten is, "I love it." Whether your reason for not giving compliments on a regular basis is not knowing what to say, embarrassment, feeling that other people already know their strengths and don't need to be told, or simply not being in the habit of doing it, it's time for a change.
Telling someone something that you like, admire, or appreciate about them is a "random act of kindness" It takes almost no effort (once you get used to it), yet it pays enormous dividends. Many people spend their entire lifetimes wishing that other people would acknowledge them. They feel this especially about their parents, spouses, children, and friends... But even compliments from strangers feel good if they are genuine. Letting someone know how you feel about them also feels good to the person offering the compliment. It's a gesture of loving kindness. It means that your thoughts are geared toward what's right with someone. And when your thoughts are geared in a positive direction, your feelings are peaceful.
The other day I was in the grocery store and witnessed an incredible display of patience. The checkout clerk had just been chewed out by an angry customer, clearly without good cause. Rather than being reactive, the clerk defused the anger by remaining calm. When it was my turn to pay for my groceries I said to her, "I'm so impressed at the way you handled that customer." She looked me right in the eye and said, "Thank you, Do you know you are the first person ever to give me a compliment in this store?" It took less than two seconds to let her know, yet it was a highlight of her day, and of mine.
Practice Random Acts of Kindness ?
There is a bumper sticker that has been out for some time now. You see it on cars all across the nation. It says "Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty." I have no idea who thought of this idea, but I've never seen a more important message on a car in front of me. Practicing random acts of kindness is an effective way to get in touch with the joy of giving without expecting anything in return. It's best practiced without letting anyone know what you are doing.
There are five toll bridges in San Francisco Bay Area. A while back, some people began paying tolls of the cars immediately behind them. The drivers would drive to the toll window, and pull out their dollar bill, only to be informed, "Your toll has been paid by the car ahead of you" This is an example of a spontaneous, random gift, something given without expectation of or demand for anything in return. You can imagine the impact that tiny gift had on the driver of the car! Perhaps it encouraged him to be a nicer person that day. Often a single act of kindness sets a series of kind acts in motion.
There is no perscription for how to practice random acts of kindness. It comes from the heart. Your gift might be to pick up litter in your neighborhood, make an anonymous contribution to a charity, send some cash in an unmarked envelope to make someone experiencing financial stress breathe a little easier, save an animal by bringing it to an animal rescue agency, or get a volunteer position feeding hungry people at a church or shelter. You may want to do all these things, and more. The point is, giving is fun and it doesn't have to be expensive.
Perhaps the greatest reason to practice random acts of kindness is that it brings great contentment into your life. Each act of kindness rewards you with positive feelings and reminds you of the important aspects of life---service kindness, and love. If we all do our own part, pretty soon we will live in a nicer world. ?
Life Is a Test. It Is Only a Test
One of my favorite posters says, "Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have been instructed where to go and what to do." Whenever I think of this humorous bit of wisdom, it reminds me not to take my life so seriously.
When you look at life and it's many challenges as a test, or series of tests, you begin to see each issue you face as an opportunity to grow, a chance to roll with the punches. Whether you're being bombarded with problems, responsibilities, even in surmountable hurdles, when looked at as a test, you always have a chance to succeed, in the sense of rising above that which is challenging you. If, on the other hand, you see each new issue you face as a serious battle that must be won in order to survive, you're probably in for a very rocky journey. The only time you're likely to be happy is when everything is working out just right. And we all know how often that happens.
As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to some thing you are forced to deal with. Perhaps you have a difficult teenager or a demanding boss or a difficult in law, or slave... See if you can redefine the issue you face from being a "problem" to being a test. Rather than struggling with your issue, see if there is something you can learn from it. Ask yourself, "why is this issue in my life? What would it mean and what would be involved to rise above it?" Could I possibly look at this issue any differently? Can I see it as a test of some kind?"
If you give this strategy a try you may be surprised at your changed responses. For example, I used to struggle a great deal over the issue of my perception if not having enough time. I would rush around trying to get everything done. I blamed my schedule, my family, my circumstances, and anything else I could think of to plight. Then it dawned on me. If I wanted to be happy, my goal didn't necessarily have to be to organize my life perfectly so that I had more time, but rather to see whether I could get to the point where I felt it was okay that I couldn't get everything done that I felt I must. In other words, my real challenge was to see my struggle as a test. Seeing this issue as a test ultimately helped me cope with one of my biggest personal frustrations. I still struggle now and then about my percieved lack of time, but less than I use to. It has become far more acceptable to me to accept things as they are.
Choose Being Kind over Being Right
You are given many opportunities to choose between being kind and being right. You have chances to point out to someone their mistakes, things they could or should have done differently, ways they can improve. You have chances to "correct" people, privately or in front of others. What all these opportunities amount to are chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.
Without getting too psychoanalytical about it, the reason we are tempted to put others down, correct them, or show them how we're right and they're wrong is that our ego mistakenly believes that if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and therefore we will feel better...
In actuality, however, if you pay attention to the way you feel after you put someone down, you'll notice that you feel worse than before the put-down. You heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it's impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else.
Luckily, the opposite is true---when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better, to share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct someone, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead ask yourself, "what do I really want out of this interaction?" Chances are, what you want is a peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist "being right," and instead choose kindness, you'll notice a peaceful feeling within.
Personally, I care more for other's joy that I do about my need to take credit. I enjoy seeing others happy and it doesn't matter if credit goes where credit may be due, as long as I get to enjoy seeing other's happy.
I hope that you don't confuse this strategy with being a wimp, or not standing up for what I believe in. I'm not suggesting that it's not okay to be right---only that if you insist on being right, there is often a price to pay---your inner peace. In order to be a person filled with equanimity, you must choose kindness over being right, most of the time. The best place to start is with the next person you speak to.
Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love
Thinking of someone to love each day keeps your resentment away.. I started consciously choosing to think of people to love when I realized how often I could get caught up thinking about the opposite-- people who irritate me. My mind would focus on negative or strange behavior, and within seconds I was filled with negativity. Once I made the conscious decision, however, to spend a moment each morning thinking of someone to love, my attention was redirected toward the positive, not only toward that person, but in general throughout the day. I don't mean to suggest that I never get irritated anymore, but without question it happens much less frequently than it used to. I credit this exercise with much of my improvement. Every morning when I wake up, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then I ask myself the question, "who shall I send love to today?" Instantly, a picture of someone will pop into my mind----a family member, a friend, someone I work with, a neighbor, someone from my past, even a stranger.. to me it doesnt really matter who it is, because the idea is to gear my mind towards love. Once the person to whom I'm directing the love is clear, I simply wish them a day filled with love. I might say to myself, something like "I hope you have a wonderful day filled with loving kindness" when I'm finished, which is within seconds, I usually feel that my heart is ready to begin my day. In some mystical way that I can't explain, those few seconds stick with my for many hours... If you give this exercise a try I think you'll find that your day is a little more peaceful. ?
What is with people on this site?... they email Me asking questions, and get a valid fulfilling response from Me, and when I go out of My way to attempt to get to know them they avoid questions entirely....
So for those of you who seem to have this problem when trying to find and establish a genuine quality real time relationship while resorting to online "dating" with the intentions of a future real time connection
here are a few pointers.. (at least while trying to establish something with Me)
When emailing Me, if you hope any response from Me, perhaps you should be a bit more considerate at the effort I put into My previous email...
Take the time to read and respond to the questions I asked you, in order for Me to decide if W/we might have enough in common for Me to want to continue to get to know you further or give you the privilege and opportunity to know more about Me...
Otherwise I truly have no desire to put such an effort into an email with someone who does not bother to respond to My emails appropriately, just as I would not attempt to have a conversation with someone in real life who is incapable of fulfilling their end of the conversation...
it's quite simple really....
Thanks for your understanding and consideration, when emailing or attempting to establish something... whatever it may be...
I'm pretty sure I made Myself clear...I hope you make the right decision.
Where is the guy who will cherish Me for all that I am... who will not only be appreciative of all of My kinks, and desires.. but who will embrace them with Me?
who isn't afraid of experimenting and exploring..
who isn't afraid of becomming My slave,
who understands the amazing priviledge it would be to be locked in a cage
and suffer for Me?
New Puppy
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
unfortunately I don't spend much time chatting on collarme, or yahoo messenger, or even online much anymore...
so I doubt that I will be successful in finding the slave that I'm looking for... when I am not focused on creating online relationships, as real world relationships are most important to me.
I am reachable by phone, and I would expect the first few calls to be made through niteflirt as I am unwilling to give my phone number to complete stranger(s). so if it would interest you to speak with me in this manner, you can reach me on niteflirt, under username MissHarmony
Other than that, a slave is what I seek.. I can't seem to find one which comes in a box, shipped to my door, and they don't sell them at the mall... so this may be a long drawn out search.
and you're probably not close enough geographically to realistically meet for a coffee.. and if you were you'd likely be too scared or fickle..
however if you're up for the challenge, and think you can impress me, if you're local, and do truly know what it means to be a slave.. and will do your best not to disappoint me.. or are relocatable to my area in california then I would certainly take you into consideration at that time.
a couple new pictures for you to admire :) enjoy
Going to meet with one lucky local submissive this evening for a st patrick's day beer at the tilted kilt.. Going to be a lot of fun!
You cut me down a tree
And brought it back to me
And that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf
And kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself
You can only blame me
And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me
And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea
You put me on a line
And hung me out to dry
And darling that's when I
Decided to go to see you
You cut me down to size
And opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see
And I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, and then it took
It took it back from me
And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
And you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea
Ooh...
And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me
The streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me
Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see
Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
And you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
C'est la vie ---- Vivre Sa Vie
To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know it deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?
To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
til ya know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Til you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman
you tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really -
really really ever loved a woman?
You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?
Do you like imperfections?
I embrace my imperfections!
It's the imperfections that make us perfect.
If that philosophical statement doesn't make sense to the majority perception of "perfect", then I'll say only dieties are perfect. Especially Venus. She's kinky.
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
Happy New Year
A question I see asked all the time is ?how can I be a better submissive?? Here are a few things you can do to make your submission and service better without a lot of work.
1. Move with purpose. If you have been asked to fetch something or approach your Dominant, be precise in your moments, allow your natural grace out. You can be fast and still be beautiful to watch. Be mindful of your moments, remove the fidgeting, check your posture and enhance your natural body movements. If you naturally sway, make it slow and sultry. If you have a dance in your step, don?t try to force it out.
2. Think before you speak. Filling your speech with ums and ahs is not only annoying but a sign of disorder. Show your Dominant that you appreciate the ability to speak or that you care about how you sound by making sure you know what you want to say before you say it. If you don?t know what to say, express that you need a moment to collect your thoughts, your Dominant should appreciate your attention and care to being open and honest about your preparedness for the conversation.
3. Enhance a basic service. I use the coffee service a lot around here, but it really does help to explain a lot of different things. Take the basic serve of her coffee and added a piece to it that she appreciates. Announce her coffee when you arrive with it. Place it where she requires it and say, ?Your coffee Mistress.? Something as simple as slowing your steps like you see in a Japanese Tea Ceremony can be an enhancement that improves your submission.
4. Learn a new skill. There is ever a moment that a submissive should stop learning. Picking up talents and skills to better please your Dominant should be one of your basic tasks. This can be cooking a special recipe, a sexual technique or playing chess.
5. Meditate on your submission. Take a time out and think about your submission. Reflect on the day or week and think about things that went well or didn?t go well. Find ways you can improve yourself or your submission while relaxing. Develop a mantra to say during your meditation if you wish.
6. Kneel or sit at his/her feet when they are busy. Sometimes just being there when they didn?t expect you to be can be a great way to express your submission to them. Appearing at their feet without any expectation of anything from them can provide comfort and pride and help you with your feelings of submission.
7. Ask for advice from other senior submissives. Your best fountain of information are submissives that have been where you are. Permission to talk to other submissives is nice to have so that you have a support system in place and you will never stop learning and growing.
8, 9, 10? Do you have ideas of what I could put here to make it 10 Things? 20 Things? If you have ideas, I?d love it if you could share them.
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/04/7-things-you-can-do-today-to-impove-your-submission/
The detailed definitions of B.D.S.M.
Let Me be more concise.
B stands for Bondage Go figure out the details, has to do with restraint.
D can stand for Discipline... Again, go figure that one out with someone who earns the trust and knows the difference between Dominance and Domineering or it can mean just that, Domination, in which case, for the love of all that is kinky, GO DOMINATE... you'll find your groove...
S can mean either Submission, you'll figure that one out as you test what definitions FIT your personality or Sadism... Folks who dig inflicting some level of pain, be safe, get advice and always keep checking in with your partner and you'll get it.
M can mean Master, the Boss or as I like to define it for new arrivals "Know your shit before you do it on someone else..."Masochism is a love of pain and is always negotiable unless you like it strict and mean, in which case... enjoy.
In the world of BDSM
"all slaves are submissive (sub's) but not all subs are slaves".
The traditional form of protocols, the slave is the highest form of submissive. It should be an honour to be recognized as a slave and a significant accomplishment. The difference is with true practitioners; a sub plays at it, while a slave lives it. This is a common view among long time RT (real time) BDSM folks much to the dislike of VT or virtual (cyber) players.
This piece is based on a Traditionalist point of view about sensual slavery as a real lifestyle, not a cyber- sex (chat room) diversion or escape. I am here to answer the question, "Are you a slave??
The sub:
Does pleasing and serving others give you a strange sense of inner satisfaction?
When you were young did you always love to play the captured one or the slave girl/boy?
Did you have to be the one who served the tea at the make believe tea parties as a little girl?
Does the thought of being owned, directed, treated as property turn you on?
A submissive is one who:
Hears the calling to submit,
Surrenders their control to another
Lives to give themselves to another
Sees that the needs of their Dominant come first
Fulfills a deep, aching, silent void within them through service.
Do NOT think just because someone is a submissive they are weak On the contrary, some of the strongest individuals I know are either sub or slave. Within BDSM there is a saying, "I'm submissive, not stupid". What this ultimately means in my eyes is -
if you look down upon a submissive for being so, you have totally missed the whole point... and you're an inexperienced.
With the proliferation of on-line BDSM chat rooms and cyber "wannabes" the line between sub and slave has been seriously blurred. It is not uncommon now for the term "sub" or "slave" to be used interchangeably when in essence they ARE different things. The "sub" differs from the slave in key areas:
Technically you can *be* submissive and it is something you can *do* where as ?a slave is something you are?.
A submissive has a laundry list of things they will NOT do and conditions they will only serve under.
Anyone who is married or cyber can only be a sub, they do not invest themselves into the slave-Mistress relationship.
If you are married and your Dominant is someone other than your spouse, I don't see how you can truly be a slave. The old saying applies here, "you can't serve two Mistresses".
The Slave:
Is everything a sub is, but has taken it to a higher plain.
Isn't something you just do; a slave is something you ARE!
does more than submit
it has a state of mind; it surrenders it's will completely and spiritually to Goddess?s empirical essence.
the slave is about service, a life commitment to their Dominant.
Lives to not only give pleasure, but be enjoyed as well.
Has NO greater pleasure than for their Mistress to set them upon a task, and then achieve it with perfection.
Seeks to be used sexually at the whim of their Goddess.
Sits at the feet of their Dominant with their collar around their neck.
Has NO limits other than those that Goddess sets; other than that which might lead to permanent injury or bodily harm.
Surrenders absolute control over their body, mind, soul and life to their Goddess
Finds the act of someone having such power over them an immense turn on and comfort which completes their whole being.
Is property or chattel, however you are valued property and The Goddess or Mistress WILL NOT, place you at serious risk.
There are many forms of service but for simplicity it is broken down into three:
The Pleasure slave:
is probably the most common form of service otherwise known as sexual service. Everyone talks about pleasure slaves, many even make the claim but few truly understand what it really means or entails:
A true pleasure slave exists to be used sexually.
you have no say about when, where, how or who. It is your Goddess?s right to decide.
A Mistress may deny you sexual activity for long periods simply as a form of punishment.
If Mistress chooses to *give* you to another for their enjoyment, then it is the Mistress's responsibility to ensure safe sex or other arrangements are made.
A pleasure slave usually is a highly sexual being, or is trained to be.
A smart Master or Mistress knows it is unwise to ever allow a pleasure slave complete satisfaction, for they are meant to be in a state constant sexual excitement. The latter is very important.
Pleasure slaves understand they exist for one thing (basically) and one thing only; and they are to be ready at all times.
A domestic slave:
Is an extension of the household, a tool used to maintain the Goddess?s *Queendom*.
Arises before The Goddess and ensure her daily clothes are pressed and that everything is ready for her for the day.
Performs all duties of cooking, cleaning, laundry and all household chores.
Cares for those living in Goddess?s *Queendom* including other slaves.
Acts as a waitress, to serve guests of master when such arrive.
Wear a uniform prescribed by The Goddess for their daily duties.
Awaits Goddess?s arrival from work or outings and assists with the shedding of work clothes to change into her home wear.
May act as a governess for the children in the home and provide nurturing as required. (The Goddess has no children)
A pain slave:
Is an object of distain for the Goddess.
A living tool to practice Goddess?s arcane talents in torture
Eagerly seeks and desires punishment, finding sexual fulfilment in abuse.
Accept such marks, as Goddess' wishes to leave upon their body.
So the questions you must ask yourself are:
Do you have what it takes to be a pleasure slave?
Does the thought of being tied down, bent over and being used (Insert gratuitously fucked here) excite you?
Do you find yourself dreaming of being a sexual object boy / girl toy a central theme in your fantasies?
Have you found, during your past sexual encounters; you enjoyed pleasing your partner more than pleasing yourself?
Is there a deep sensual fire burning within you to be set free?
Do you find yourself wanting it all the time?
At the core of your being are you (for lack of a better word) a SLUT?
Does the thought of someone else having complete control over your sexuality for THEIR pleasure call to you?
Are you often consumed with thoughts of being loaned or rented out to others for their pleasure?
Do you want to be owned?
Can you let go of everything that you think you are in order to find yourself?
Are you intelligent, outgoing and capable of learning?
In summary
Does all this make you want to be Goddess?s slave?
Does your Goddess really understand you better and accept that you are serious about becoming a slave?
Do you really impress upon your Goddess your desire to serve?
My slaves are a combination of all of the above. Accept this and Goddess is willing to take you on for a lifetime. Disappoint Her and you will suffer the most grievous of punishments, shunning. you will simply be ignored and treated as invisible to Her, and then Her attention will focus on the remaining slaves. Repeated disappointments and Goddess will dispose of you like so much trash unworthy of being kept in Her home!
How To Apply
1. Always start each letter to Me by addressing My appropriately by My name and/or title. (ex: Miss BlondeMoment)
2. When addressing Me, make certain you use My name and not another Woman's name (Believe it or not, many slaves have made this mistake) otherwise I will assume that you have applied to so many Women that you cannot even keep them straight anymore.
3. Spell My name correctly.
4. Always uppercase at least the first letter of My name and title. For example, Mine should read Miss BlondeMoment and NOT miss BlondeMoment, or worse yet, miss blondemoment. Lowercase your own name.
5. Never send a template letter. you should be most serious about applying to Me, and only Me, so you should take the time to address Me personally.
6. Tell Me as much about yourself as you can in the first letter so that I have a good idea what to ask you when replying back to you. However, do NOT write a book or some fantasy scenario.
7. If you have applied to Me before and for some reason I did not accept you or you had changed your mind at that time, then let Me know when re-applying to Me the second time. If you do not admit this from the beginning and I know that you have applied to Me before then I will either think that you are trying to decieve Me or I will assume that you have applied to so many Women that you do not even remember applying to Me before. I will then wonder why you have been rejected by so many Women. (I have had many slave applicants who apply to Me a second time after applying to Me several months before. they act like they do not even realize it. I tend to assume that when he gave up on applying to Me the first time that he had decided to move on to apply to other Women and I then wonder why it is that after so many months he still has not been accepted elsewhere).
8. Always be honest. For example, if you are married, are a switch, or if you have served other Women in the past then admit it.
9. Always be polite. It is too easy to be anonymous, abusive, misunderstood, and rude in an email and to think that you never have to talk to the person again or that you may never have to face them. Do try to remember that a human being who has feelings is on the recieving end of your email. I am not a computer and I was not put on this earth to be abused and harrassed by you. I am to be treated with upmost respect.
10. Ask Me how you can serve Me instead of listing out your sexual fantasies and fetishes to Me. This will assure Me that you are seriously interested in serving Me and that you do not instead think I exists to cater to your sexual fetishes.
11. End each of your emails with your name. If I assigns a name to you then use that new name.
12. Do not lie about your name or use a nickname. I want to know that I can trust you.
13. Type your email address correctly so that I can reply back without any hardship.
14. Have an email address that is not crude. For example, if you use an email address of "wetpussylicker", or worse yet "MasterKing@femaleslaves.com", I will most likely disregard your slave application.
15. Never send a picture in your email or as an attachment until I ask you to send one. I have so many picture attachments that I do not know what to do with them all.
16. When sending a picture that I have asked you for always send it as a jpeg and small in kb size so that it downloads quickly on My end, unless I specify otherwise.
17. Never send Me a picture of your penis or your ass unless I ask you to. you are a human not a penis.
18. Never send a picture that is not your own. If I should ever find out later that you lied about who you are then I will never trust you again.
19. Never send Me a picture of yourself in which another Woman is in the picture with you.
20. When sending Me a picture which I Have asked you for, send one that is most recent and one that shows all of you and not just your head, torso, or penis.
21. Answer all of the questions that I
ask you.
22. If for any reason My questions will not show up in the email when replying back to Me then copy/paste My questions into the email to accompany your answers. It will make it easier for Me to understand when reading your answers.
23. Be patient when waiting to hear back from Me but do answer My emails immediately upon recieving them.
24. If you do not hear back from Me after one full week then apply to Me
again just in case:
-you typed your email address wrong the last time.
-I forgot about you because I am busy or had gone away on holiday.
-I had lost your application.
-For some reason I have not recieved it.
-you had unknowingly offended or upset Me
-I have misunderstood something you had said due to your inability to communicate properly.
25. If after applying to Me you should ever change your mind about wanting to be My slave then be most polite about it. you never know when you might change your mind a second time and want to re-apply to Me again or I may know the next Woman you apply to. So you do not want to upset Me and you do not want Me to regret that I
invested My precious time in corresponding with you. Also, always keep in mind that you were the one who had applied to Me.
A good slave......
1. Does not have to be told what to do.
2. Does not complain or argue.
3. Knows how to keep his place as slave by not stepping over his boundaries if he does disagree with his Mistress.
4. Is willing to please his Mistress without receiving anything in return for himself.
5. Understands that his Mistress is human and so She is allowed to cry, throw a tantrum, make mistakes, etc.
6. Abides by his Mistress's rules.
7. Never tells his Mistress She is wrong, even if he feels She is, unless he needs to in order to protect Her.
8. Fetches the whip, paddle, or supplies his face for punishment without question or argument when he knows he has done something wrong or when his Mistress says he has.
9. Supplies himself as a chair, cushion, bathmat, or whatever else his Mistress desires and whenever possible.
10. Educates himself on learning new things so that he knows how to do more things for his Mistress so She will not have to.
11. Is as good of a slave for his Mistress when out in public as he is when at home.
12. Opens all doors for his Mistress even when She is at home.
13. Does not complain if his Mistress requires additional slaves if he cannot be there for Her or serve Her in that way.
14. Never defies his Mistress.
15. Never lies to his Mistress.
16. Never keeps his Mistress waiting.
17. Never makes plans without his Mistress's permission, unless it is for a surprise for Her.
18. Never serves anyone else, especially other Women, without his Mistress's permission.
19. Never tells his Mistress that She is being too picky, fussy, etc..
20. Always compliments his Mistress and does so sincerely.
21. Is only happy when his Mistress is happy.
22. Fetches the phone for his Mistress.
23. Always helps his Mistress with Her coat and holds the umbrella for Her.
24. Never eats or drinks first and waits for his Mistress's permission first.
25. Never sexually gratifies himself without his Mistress's permission.
26. Never hugs, kisses, or touches his Mistress's body in an intimate manner without asking for Her permission first.
27. Never hits his Mistress, swears at Her, insults Her, calls Her insulting names, belittles Her, laughs at Her, or is rude to Her.
28. Pays attention to what his Mistress likes and does not like and makes an effort to remember it.
29. Always defends his Mistress.
30. Is always loyal, devoted, and faithful to his Mistress.
31. Never tries to dominate his Mistress.
32. Never Tops from the bottom or manipulates his Mistress.
33. Respects his Mistress's privacy.
34. Never exploits his Mistress, takes money from Her, or tries to make money from Her.
35. Always sides with his Mistress even if he feels She might be wrong. If he wants to suggest to Her that She is wrong then he states it carefully and gently and only does so later in private instead of humiliating Her by doing it in front of others.
36. Appreciates privileges that his Mistress allows him and does not ask for them. he knows that they are gifts or rewards that he has earned.
37. Walks one pace behind his Mistress whenever possible.
38. Stops traffic for his Mistress.
Having a hard time finding a good slave
I feel very disappointed, and even deeply depressed, when I cannot find a good slave. I find that most slaves tend to be quite selfish, demanding, fake, may switch, will only role-play, and will have many other inappropriate behaviours that are unsuitable for so-called slaves. I find it as hard to find a worthwhile slave as it is to find a good husband. It may help Me to understand somewhat by knowing that the following is the reason why My search has been so difficult:
Vanilla men- Are very literal about what they need in life and why they need it so when they seek a Woman is it usually only for the purpose of sex in order to reproduce himself (whether he realizes it at the time at not). When he is dating he will want Me to approve of his friends and to get along with them because he fears losing them once he commits to Me. he wants reassurance that he can still socialize with his friends once he is in a relationship with Me. This is not wrong but how many Women know that they can be dumped by their man and left alone all night when his buddies call and ask him to go out for a beer or to a game? But how many Women are known to dump their man when Her Girlfriends call Her? None. Most Women do the opposite. They dump plans with their Girlfriends the second a man calls. This is why many vanilla Women will wait by the phone hoping he will call and why most Wives complain to their husbands that he never takes Her out anymore. She wants to go out with a man but a man wants to go out with his buddies. How backwards that is!
Sex slave-Instead of only wanting to use Women for sex this man will only want to use Women for fetish sex. he will generally only be submissive in bed. he will only offer to serve Her in this way for one of two reasons. Either because he knows deep down it is the only thing he is good for and so he has nothing else worthwhile to offer Women. Or it is because he lives to serve his penis, not Women. (In other words, he is a penis with a man attached). So he will always offer (and sometimes too often) to be used sexually because in reality he only wants it for his own selfish reasons. he should try harder to understand that if Women want it then they will ask for it. Women are known for being expressive about what they want and do not want.
Session slave-Will only be submissive during what he terms as a "session" and he plays what he refers to as a "role". he can turn himself on and off like a light switch. he is a fake submissive.
Long Distance slave-Will not relocate in order to serve a Woman fulltime and instead prefers to be just a "fly by nighter" where he can choose when to come, get his fill, and then leave again. This leaves the Woman feeling used, he controls when the "session" will happen, and She soon feels like telling him to either start paying Her for using Her for "sessions" or to go see a Professional Dominatrix instead.
Friend server-Will only become your slave if he knows he can serve all Your girlfriends. he uses You for Your friends because he wants to serve many Women. he will not be devoted, dedicated, or loyal to You at all.
Slut slave-Will serve any and all Women instead of being devoted to just one. Women tend to look for security so when they look for a slave it is very similar to how they look for a husband. They look for a slave who will be devoted to serving Her at anytime She requires it. She will only be disappointed with a slut slave because he will be unfaithful, dishonest in how he feels about Her, and may even lie to all of the Women he serves in order to keep them each thinking that they are the only one he truly wants to serve. This proves that he does not really want Her at all but just wants "it" and to serve Women in general. he is only looking to get his fetish (of serving Women) filled. With this way of doing things, in the end he will never quite feel fulfilled and pretty well everyone in town will have done "it" with him. Every Woman will know of him and they will all feel as though they have a revolving door on their home. A slave hoping and asking to be able to serve his Owner's Girlfriends is wrong. A slave is only to serve other Women when and how his Owner wants him to. It should only be done to please his Owner and not to please other Women or himself.
A switch-Only wants to be submissive when he feels like being submissive. he may also try to "Top from the bottom" or manipulate for his fetish. This is a fake slave.
Fake subservient slave-Only wants to serve Women how and when he wants to.
Real slave-Will serve Women however and whenever She wants.
The real submissive man is the slave that all of Us Dominant Women are looking for and are hoping to find out there somewhere. Does he even exist? If he does but he is already owned, will his Owner consider sharing him with the rest of the Female population? If She will not share him, will the rest of Us be able to train the leftover slaves into being such a slave as he is? Perhaps the good olde days of non-consential slavery where a man was forced to be a Woman's slave was much better. Maybe those slaves tried harder at pleasing their Mistresses. Of course it was only to avoid a certain death but at least he put more of an effort into it. It that what is necessary or can men be trained in other ways to become the slave of Our dreams? I Myself am willing to keep trying in order to find out.
$$$$_____________#####CB#####________ 
been about 2 years
