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Male Dominant, 42, atlanta, Georgia
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Male Dominant, 59, Phoenix, Arizona
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Female Submissive, 50, Mobile, Alabama
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About GentleSpirit
Wow. The fact that I remembered my login surprised me. It's been well over 4 years since I have even been on this site and a lot has changed for me. I am in the kink community and enjoying the new adventures and friends that I am making along the way. I am protected which is a very good thing for me. I am still in search of my own Dom. I am a mix of a girl - baby girl, princess, kitten, and sub wrapped up into one.
Below is my original posting on this website. I have come to realize that though I am more submissive in nature, I can be quite assertive when I wish to be, learning this to be more a babygirl style. More to come...On the more note, it is more the Daddy Dom/Babygirl D/s lifestyle that is more me as I have learned. No, this is not an incest thing. Those that truly know this lifestyle understand.
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i did not wish to fill in my profile with idle information until i knew more of what to put here. After being in a chatroom for not even a day, i realized my error of leaving this completely blank and have decided it best to state some information to perhaps help You and myself.
i am subserviant in nature - i love simple pleasures in life and giving them to others. i am shy to press on as i have grown up with high morals and values as well as a healthy dose of fear. i cannot reject what it is i do not know, much less deny what burns inside of me.
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Here are some things i know i am not into:
scat, golden showers, knife, electrical, fire, or needle play, breathe control, or verbal humilation. Everything else i do not know yet.
i am looking for someone that will not hold what it is that i truly want against me and try to change that aspect of me. i hold firm to what i believe in. If all You are looking for is the sexual side, don't email me for it would be a waste of Your time.
As i think of more stuff i will add it to this profile. Until then i wish You well ::sweet smile::
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Something new that i didn't think about that would need to be added. i am not bi. i don't condone others for it as i have friends that are gay - i just don't swing that way. Also, do not waste Your time if You are married, committed to someone else, or the like. i don't cheat nor do i tolerate it with the One i'm with.
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i am new to this and will shy away from You if You press me. i'm not hardcore, so please do not expect me to go into depth of something that i do not know due to lack of experience and not a lack of curiosity & intrigue of what something is.
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I have taken my profile down for a few days on & off. The reason why is because as time passes, I learn more about the lifestyle through books and other like minded people. I have come to realize that I am more vanilla kink then just into the lifestyle. I cannot have one without the other. To me, they go hand in hand. I look for a guy who I would be honored to introduce to my family & friends, and to also have the sweet romance that "vanilla" has as well as having some "kink" to add spice to the relationship. I'm not a casual girl. I'm not looking for a one time experience, or anything that will result in being a "fling." I understand that what I am looking for is a rarity; but then I am in that category myself. Surely I cannot be the only member.
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Rather then rewrite my profile, I have just been adding to it. It is all true even after all this time, I am quite the person that learns from observance for wisdom rather then experience itself. If you want to contact me, feel free to do so.
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I have received questions before about the paw print that I have in one of the journal entries by itself as well as posted within the profile. Those that have asked previously, did so in a manner that did not make me question as to why they were asking. Now, I have received an email that is more graphic in asking and realize that though my mind did not think of such a thing, others may and some do. To answer those with a....darker mind, to put it nicely, the answer is NO - absolutely NO. The reason for the paw print is the simple fact that I love dogs over any other domestic creature as a pet - nothing more, nothing less. |
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It has been quite some time since I have written or really been on this website more then to check email. There are a few experiences that have occurred in the past few months that I have just delayed in writing about. Why? Because in some way I could not clearly process the words as of yet without the rose colored glasses so to speak. I knew not to do that, and yet I could not help myself. I am very much a hopeless romantic at heart and will always be such. I melt at the sweet gestures of southern hospitality a man bestows upon a woman, or those sweet innocent moments of time itself - that is just a part of who I am.
I met someone from online. I cannot recall if we started speaking from CM, but I know that we did start online. The man was dominate and wished to help me learn more about myself in a more hands on manner but at a very slow pace (because I truly am not the type ready for anything else).
It was more like going out with a friend. I did not know that to expect, or so I thought. But in truth to really learn about someone and trust someone you have to get to know each other. I'm very skittish and shy when in an element I am not familiar with - as they say, only practice and time can cure such a thing.
The "dates" were nice and I learned more about myself as well as more about the type of man that I seek.
With the passing of time, my tastes and ideals become more refined and less willowy. I know that I do not wish a man that is more then 10 years my age (or very close to 11,12 squeak by for the right person). This man was quite a bit older then myself. As friends age is not an issue, but when you start delving further into the possibility of a relationship it did bother me just a bit. I'm not looking for a one night stand, session, fling or something not real. I want something that is lasting. Do I think I am going to know right off the bat? No. Friendship and communication in the beginning are BIG in my book. It is the person knowing what they want to become if things progress further - I want someone that isn't afraid to think beyond the here and now if things start to click, but if they are not in the mindset now of such being perhaps possible, then it wouldn't work.
Excuse me, I rambled off the point I started with. Back to the experiences I wished to share. Now if you have read my previous entries, you know that I have found that I love my nipples pinched and played with a bit roughly - not too much mind you. Too much pain without additional pleasure just kills the fun for me as I'm most certainly not a person that likes pain much. One afternoon I learned just how much I loved someone elses hands pinching and giving me such sweet pleasure. At my own hand I can stop, but when someone else controls the pinch, I said please stop and even then a moment more before release of such torture. I learned in that afternoon that there is a limit - there is such a thing as too much and that kills the fun of the day. When the afternoon was over, and that was what I was left with to think about, a big part of me was glad it was over - yes it hurt that much.
Another "date" I was daring enough for a long drive. I'm particular, sorry but until I truly know someone - I drive. It's that bit of control and the safe feeling that I still have a way out if anything happens. It was my security blanket and I wasn't about to give it up. Feeling safe and secure is very important to me in the beginning.
Now, for this particular afternoon he directed me while I was driving to an adult toy store. It was in this store that I explored without qualm. Now I've been in an adult store before (see previous entry about the nipple clamps) so I wasn't at all shocked at what I saw. I had actually wanted to go and was searching for a particular toy. I have been curious about anal and had heard of this beginners kit to start with. I searched the rows and rows of packaged goodies, but didn't find what I was looking for. I did find this very interesting double bunny toy that if I wasn't still a virgin, I would have snatched up and enjoyed very much because it just looked that good! I ended up settling on one toy which was a beaded anal plug. The beads rotated in different directions and different speeds set on the remote control. It looked interesting enough to try. I tried it once and it ended up in the trash the same night needless to say - just wasn't a toy for a beginner to try and enjoy.
Now the afternoon did not end there. We went next door to a gentleman's club - my very first time in one of those. I remember how scared I was, not knowing what it was going to be like, but I trusted the man I was with at least enough to take me into such a place without worrying someone was going to hurt me in some way. All the fears I had were groundless, but it took a while for me to relax a bit - actually I never fully relaxed while there, but I did start to enjoy myself some at the end.
I was intrigued watching men watching the women and watched the women do their thing in on the stage so to speak. It was quite interesting. I've seen Striptease the movie and expected it to be something like that but in reality it wasn't like that at all. The girls style of dancing was more like making out with the floor and booty bouncing then erotic dance. Of the numerous "dancers" only one or two could actually move to the beat decently. The outfits were all thongs and tiny tops and they always came out of everything.
I learned something else about myself. I liked the female body, as it is more artistic and beautiful then a mans. Do not get me wrong I absolutely love a good looking man - especially one wearing nothing but a pair of blue jeans and the snap undone - yummy. I learned how men can be so enthralled with our bodies just as much as we are of theirs. In a way that "box" of my thinking shifted and I actually saw one of the ladies for more then just a lady. You see, she flirted with her barely there clothing and I thought that was a hell of a lot sexier then her just being nude. The man had caught me watching her and he bought me a present - a lap dance from her. Nervous? Oh yes, that I was. I didn't oppose to this. It was a new learning experience for me and I wanted it. I wanted to know what it would be like.
I learned her name was Emily and she was very nice to me after discovering it was my very first lap dance. She swirled her bottom around before my eyes, shifted her feet between mine to open me more for a closer experience of her now between my thighs shimmying and teasing my senses with the scent of her perfume and her sweat. She leaned over me, pressing her large breasts into my face and blew her hot breath in my ear. When she did this, I automatically closed my eyes and sat very still. The faint scent of jack daniels from her breath filled my senses when she drew back from me and once more turned and rubbed her bottom on my lap.
At this time I had taken a moment to look around the room a little embarrassed because this was starting to turn me on and I wasn't sure exactly how I felt about it. I mean I wasn't bi - I knew I wasn't, but what was I feeling? I know. I was enjoying the moment - nothing more, nothing less. As my eyes looked around the dim room, I noticed that a lot of the mens attention were fixated on Emily and myself and could not help the laugh that bubbled from my lips just in time to be pressed against Emily's soft breasts once more. While my eyes were closed, I thought just how much Emily and I were fulfilling some men's fantasies of seeing two girls together on one level and knew that at least a few would love to see more. That thought emboldened me so that when Emily finished her long dance, she gave me a hug and I in turn hugged her back, giving her a firm squeeze rather then a gentle touch most people I do not know receive. I liked Emily and even after all these months I still remember her - she was my first after all.
This was the last experience I had with the man. He was most kind and very laid back and passive allowing me to learn and not control me when we were together. I am thankful for the "dates" we had because it opened my eyes even more about who I was inside. If he had tried to dominate me - I would have fled and closeted myself away from the lifestyle once more. He was right in knowing what I needed was not so much the sexual experiences but more life experiences itself before I could allow more.
For those of you that are reading this to get to know me as perhaps a possibility, I hope you understand what it is I'm saying. If you do not, feel free to email me with the question and I will try my best to help you comprehend. |
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The profile has been altered, adding a note at the bottom just as I am adding an entry this night. I cannot deny myself anything that I am, or who I am. Nor do I expect anyone else to do this either. We all have to live our lives our own way. Some on here are complete slaves - that's their thing; just as some on here are strict Dom/me's. For me personally, I am coming to terms with who I am on all facets. A very good friend of mine asked me why I was into this lifestyle as she couldn't see it in me. She described me as "sweet, good, smart, innocent, giving, loving, soft," and a few other words. But it's my "velvet nightmares" that are inside me. By nature from growing up, I am subservient. I do not know how to be anything else but this. Sure I get mad at other people and stand my ground. I'm not someone that others can walk all over. But for those I care about, and those I hold dear, I do try to give my all to them.
I get asked a lot about me being a Christian in this lifestyle. Yes, I am a Christian. Yes, I am single. Okay we all know that being single in itself is hard. being a Christian single is harder, but being a kinky Christian single is ten times worse. Why? Because I uphold my morals, values, wants, and desires for someone of the same mind. I want someone that is also a Christian, that has the same desires that I do. I'm looking for a "natural" Dominant man. It isn't what You can do in the lifestyle that will attract me to You. It is the person You are inside that will. The rest of the stuff will come later. Anyone can be taught how to tie knots, play with unique toys and such - but no one can be taught how to be a true Dom. You either are or You aren't. |
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It has been quite some time since I have felt the need to write. I had walked away from this once more, because someone who was concerned about me told me I really needed to rethink and discover myself. As you see I am back. This isn't a fling, a flame, a phase, or something I can walk away from much less forget. It is a part of me and now I am learning to embrace this completely. Thanks to a few online friends I have found some books to help me delve and learn more at a safe distance to know what it is that I crave.
On Literotica look up author Sir Nathan. His story "Culture Shock" is definately a guiding aid for new comers especially online.
Books that were recommended to me -
1. Jay Wiseman - A Realistic Intro..Tricks to Please a Man
2. Gloria Brame - Different Loving
3. John Warren - The Loving Dominant
4. (unknown) - SM101
5. Pauline Reage - The Story of O
6. (unknown) - Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns
7. Janet Hardy - The Bottoming Book
8. Loic Dubigeon - Sweet Submission
9. Anne Rice - The Beauty series (3 in all - these are fiction)
10. Maria Isabel Pita - Beauty & Submission
I was also given castlerealm as a good website for information too.
I just wanted to share this here, in case any do look and surprisingly a few do!
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I know i should add more to this, but with the late hour, I need to get myself to bed. So for now - adu.
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There is a comment in my profile that states not to waste Your time with me if You are married, committed to someone else or the like. This includes someone you would consider a girlfriend. i ask that You are single, no i simply require it if You expect more of me then a chat or friendship. i do not share and i will not share. PERIOD.
i also will not hide the fact that i'm talking to someone from friends, coworkers, or family and i would ask the same in return. i am not a well kept secret for You to devise and see only when You see fit. i want more then a "session" as i want the reality of being with someone completely but not live the lifestyle 24/7 either. i love to have fun, to laugh, be a bit independent and yea i love the vanilla side of a relationship.
Someone pointed out to me that i can be as picky as i want to be as long as i know the consequences and accept them. i am taking my stand. If You don't like what i've said, that's fine. i wish You luck continuing on with Your search.
i'm being honest and upfront and ask the same in return. |
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It is a little after 7am here in Virginia. The rain has stopped thankfully and the temperature is already starting to rise this morning. It should be a good day, i hope! Today is moving day. Yes, it is a day early. It threw me in a loop since i had planned on today being my major packing day, hence why i took it off. But alas plans got bumped for the friends helping me, so they asked that we do it today at 11:30am instead. Since they are moving me, i compromised...gave up sleep but that's a minor thing when i don't have to trek up and down two stories of stairs carrying heavy furniture! LoL i'm just about done with the things i needed to get done. Just have a few dishes, the trash, and a couple boxes to tape up - oh and of course get the computer shut down and boxed up as well, but i'll do that while they are moving the other stuff.
Oh yes, the point to this ramble is to let You know that i may be offline for a few days, but hopefully i'll get things set up before 5pm today and be live once more.
Please just keep that in mind for those that are corresponding with me :smiles: Or for those of You that have stumbled upon my profile/journal. |
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Considering how much i keep referring to my move in emails, i thought it best to make note of it here. Yes, i am moving the first weekend in March - this coming weekend! In the evenings when i'm home from work, i'll be flipping from packing to the computer and visa-versa. Hopefully it won't take me as long to unpack as it does to pack! As to where i am moving? Just a few miles down the road - still the same city. i am moving into an apartment with a friend that is a girl. Again i will state this here, i am not bi, so don't think it.
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You've followed my little tale of beginner nipple clamps to clothes pins which i'm still working on, but i've discovered something else! In my job i use a lot of thin rubber bands to bind stacks of reports together. Well curious me thought of something while working. i took two of the rubber bands into the ladies room and wrapped one around each nipple. At first they didn't hurt, and i just couldn't believe i had done it while at work. i was bold enough to adjust my bra and shirt back in place and thought i would leave them on for a while to see how well i liked them. i loved them! i only lasted 10 minutes before i was in the ladies room once more removing them, but the thrill of having done that was awesome. i've used the bands two other times since then and the last time i left them on for 15 minutes. That was just a bit much, but i definately loved the feel until i had to take the bands off - that hurts the worst.
i've thought about my nipples being pierced, but with all the bad stories i've heard as well as a girlfriend's experience, i decided against it. If my future One wishes it and will be there for the "recovery" time then i definately think i would do it...i think...i won't lie, it still is a bit scary!
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Communication. i am a firm believer that communication is a foundation in which any type of relationshiop neeeds to grow as to withstand time. Though i welcome almost all correspondence, i have discovered the need to make a few statements so that i am not wasting anyone's valuable time. my view of online relationships is for the beginning to get to know someone that is fine, but ultimately i do not just want an online relationship. i yearn for more, for the reality of the lifestyle, and i just love touch too much to not want the real deal and in the very least hugs!
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From my first post i mentioned that i got beginner clamps and was questioned by a couple people in correspondence as to why, if i'm so new to this did i want that? Well to save more of Y/you trouble in asking me, allow me to explain why. i mentioned that very few know that i am in the lifestyle. One girl friend, who also happens to be a coworker, told me all kinds of sorid details as she is very promiscuous girl. In some ways i envy her at her boldness, but then again i do not as i don't want to be a guy hopping type of girl at all. Anyways, she was bragging about this adult store which is less then an hour from here and how i needed to go with her. She thought for sure that i would back out. Little did she know just how curious i was into seeing what all types of stuff this adult store had. Once inside the store, i roamed around with her staying close being in unfamiliar territory, but she stayed in the more safe zone area of small toys and the like. When i saw the collars, gags, and body jewelry on the back wall, i weighed going over to have a better look and before i could talk myself out of it i did. i stood there just absorbing everything in view for a minute and started to thumb through the little boxes of jewelry and various clips. This is what shocked my friend the most and which makes me laugh still to this day. A sales person of the store, a guy that had peircings and tattoos down one arm came up to me and asked if i was finding everything okay. In truth i didn't know what i was looking for other then the fact of nipple clamps. Instead of being meek and shy as i am at times, i just came out and asked all sorts of questions about them once he showed me the ones they carried. My friend's face once i had my selection in hand was hilarious. She was stunned and shocked that i had the nerve to ask a complete stranger such questions, much less actually want the nipple clamps. She was speechless when i bought them all the way back to the car and her first words were "oh my god i'm creating a monster!" Little did she know how i was truly at that time! |
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i am not much for writing, but a journal is something someone told me would help see where i've come from where i was, so now i'm writing. Over the last few weeks i have discovered some things. i know that what i seek currently is a Dom, not a Master for my submissiveness is natural, i do have some desire for the "vanilla" side as well. i am not into the thought of torture or pain though i have discovered that i love my nipples pinched as i was curious enough to see. i have adjustible clamps for beginners but i've also delved into clothes pins. After five minutes though, my nipples sting so much. As i said, i'm very much a beginner.
i also discovered a club about an hour from here that delves more into this lifestyle thanks to a Dom on here. Hopefully soon i will be able to attend to see for myself the reality of what it is i seek. And no, i won't go by myself. i discovered a friend that cares enough to go with me to make sure i'm not taken advantage of as well as just have a good time despite the fact they aren't into the lifestyle. |
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