Cryptonite

Male Dominant, 43

Female Submissive, 22, Lennox, California

Male Dominant, 24, Tampa, Florida

I am really starting to learn that for the most part people are here just for games nothing more, which is really a disappointment.

Why.... I stood in front of the mirror and gazed upon the reflection. Staring back at me was a child confused. Shackles lay heavy on wrists and ankles, with blood stained tears dripping at his feet. He softly spoke but only a word escaped his lips, his confusion grew clear to me in this instance. I felt his pain, a familiar feeling, scars reopen and rage escapes....I thought it was gone, I thought I was better but he just looked at me and ask....WHY

I gave in and gave up, got left behind by the outcast, and laughed at by the in crowd. I laid my life at its feet, and it kicked it back in my face. I ran out to find myself, but never did. I stood in the shadow of my own reflection lost in the mirror and my hindsight was still a blur. Life was turned upside down, and I never did make it to my feet. I swore to pray, but forgot to remember what for. I fell down drunk, and was never high on life, to be told that I was lost at the bottom of the bottle. I crawled in the gutter, got lost in hell, and found myself right back where I started.... I have come so far with so little, that I am now qualified to have anything I want..... With absolutely nothing....

I stood in the shadows of the moon and watched as you past me by, never noticing my blood stained tears. My scars of life etched upon my very soul, and I gazed in sorrow as our eyes met. You looked back upon your cherished live, where happiness is abound, and the days of darkness never come calling. Your dreams at hand, with all lifting you up to where the clouds meet the heavens. And I stood by waiting till the day you remembered our brief embrace, for you wonder now what was held in the eyes of sorrow. What life must have been lived to have such a gaze upon the world. For you sorrow me, and hand me your sympathy. But I ask not for sympathy or pity, for I shall enjoy the gifts handed to me more then you would ever know. For I come from a life where pain is the companion of all, and joy is not cast to the masses. For my days have now come calling to enjoy the dreams once kept from me, and my life is shared with one that did not merely wonder of the gaze I had upon the world, but stopped to learn that in the end a life without tears is no life at all, for you can only cherish the good till you have tasted the tears of your own soul cast into the cold.

Sitting in quiet reflection in a room with no one but me, alone surrounded by friends. Hatred reflected in the mirror now replaced by acceptance that I am now in the present and not the one in mirrors past. Standing firm and building a life, with my love by my side. What I thought was love was not, till I was shown what I have now. Leaping forward in to dreams come true. Building this castle with her, and showing that I am now here not in the past....

I ran for as long as I can remember, ran till I ran out of breath. Watching my world destroyed by my own hand, burned to the ground and rebuilt again till I ran out of strength. I stood in the ruins of my shattered life and learned what I needed and now I rise from the ashes that surround, my fire burns in me yet again with lessons learned. My face is warmed by unfamiliar feelings of warmth, my heart overfilled with the love of another. Here I stand looking to the future with open arms, my arms holding on to my love. I will climb this mountain once again, but once I reach the peak I shall not jump but enjoy the suns light and bask in it's radiance with love in heart. I shall not be knocked down by those who claimed that they once loved me, for they wish no more than my misery and failure. The only thing that stands between me and my dreams is the work I am willing to put in to them.

My Cross I cut myself a million times trying to cut out the pain, a thousand showers cannot clean my soul. I built castles and set them on fire. I have accomplished my dreams and turned them into nightmares. I have found serenity, just to give it away. Crucified by my own hands, for the gift of others. Now I summon the strength to lay down the razor, and dry myself off, to build the castle for Angel and me. To share the dreams that I once had and never see the nightmares again. To find a home with serenity and never let it go. To climb of my cross and burn it so I can never hang from it again.

The past... I thought I could outrun it, somehow leave it behind. A foolish notion by a foolish man. The monster I once was is creeping in the shadows reminding me of who I once was. Forgiveness by those who suffered never expected, and now their lashing begins. Changes within me never apparent never seen, I run fast into the darkness that was once me. Let me find the strength to continue on my path and leave the man of my past standing alone in the dark.

The Road Traveled Sit for awhile here in the dark, listen to my voice, listen to the road of scars that I have traveled but please do not look upon my face. Hold my hand and pretend to care, amuse me for a moment. Let me not walk alone in this time of sorrow. Don't not judge me for past mistakes, nor the blade I carry to release my pain. Stand there and love me till the sun begins to rise. Leave before the light uncovers the veil I hide beneath for when it does you will see my face. I do not want to see the disappointment on your eyes for I am not whom you seek.

....Don't judge me.... Don't judge me for what I was....don't look at me like I am my past...don't condemn me for the evil I have committed... Look at me with new eyes, a smile...give me a hug to let me know you care... Treat me like a friend and I will show you that I am not who I once was, but someone new.... I have come so far with so little that I am now entitled to have anything I want with absolutely nothing...

If you don't like the darkness...turn on a light. Just not in my room

I have decided to post some of my past writings. Feel free to read perhaps someone out there can understand.

I sat on the sidewalk, as you walked by. In an instant I could see what your soul screamed out. Someone to care, someone to listen, someone to show you that there is life out there. I saw the abuse the pain and the scars, and saw you hiding in the crowd. Your eyes look over to meet mine, but you looked away knowing that I was studying you. I saw your need to lose control, your need to be guided into what you are to scared to explore. All your energy still spent at trying to be normal, to have no one see what lays below the surface. If you could see that the healing lies on the other side, that gaining control is to hand it over. To show your strength to submit to another, but your trust has been taken away. To jump into the water once again, not knowing if you will sink or swim. Your lack of of trust in the human race, was given to you long ago. Now you walk in front of me, you know that I can see right through. The hard exterior protecting a shattered soul, we'll meet again when you?re ready to lose control.

It's been a long day for both of us, we seek each other company to forfill what we are. I sit down and you offer me some coffee, I say "Yes Please" as you bring me the coffee knowing just how I like it. You kneel besides me and hand me the coffee and I smile saying "Thank you dear", I take a sip as and slowly lean back my head. My hand reaches down as I caress your hair. You know that this is where I am happy, to people have come together not to order and to serve, but to give each other selflessly what we seek. You ask if you may go to the bedroom, you know what will take my mind of it, as you slip into the bedroom. You return a few moments later, black skirt, stockings, blouse and heels. You see my face light up, your neck adorned by the collar I gave you after you earned it. We know each other, our needs and wants, caress, pain and pleasure. I have studied you and know exactly what you like, how to touch you and to bring you to the edge. This didn't come over night, but a long story, like a great novel one dare not put down. Here we are, freely giving each other what we need, after we are both spent. Sweat adorning our bodies, the rope still strung over you. The world has stopped for us for the time being.

I'm done with people that think that this is a switch, to be turned on and off. Beyond frustrated, and not sure if there are still people out there that honestly want to learn. This lifestyle is not about getting together one time for fantasies, but to get to know each other, likes dislikes, it takes a lot of trust and communication. If you just have a fantasy your looking to for fill, please don't message me. There are plenty of people on here that are just into using people one time and then be on their way.

Sometimes I wonder if most people think that being a Dom(me) is all about getting what you want ? Or perhaps do some think that there is actually a lot of work involved in what we do, learning our subjects, their needs, wants, limits? Do we plan what we do after conversations and scenes on how we can improve next time to push a little harder, but never cross that line? Just a thought

I just has surgery last Thursday, so I am out of commission for a little while. However I am healing ok, thank you for everyone's best wishes.

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