CNJDom


cnjdom24 Male Dominant, 24, Manville, New Jersey	CNJDom4Slv Male Dominant, 38, Princeton, New Jersey	cnjdomsd Male Dominant, 39, Mon Cty, New Jersey

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	About CNJDom I am a Dominant. Someone who guides with pleasure and pain mixed into each experience. I’ll take from various resources those elements that can best achieve those results that I want in a scene or from you the submissive personally. Not out of selfishness…I’m not selfish. It’s not always about ME, it’s about what I provide and how this experience is for my submissive as well as myself. It’s not always about sex, but it IS sexual and sensual. It IS about exploring those things inside that excite, that causes your heart to race, that unearthly sensation of surrealism that BDSM provides us in this lifestyle…what a lovely addiction it is. I'm the owner of roselaure, and we are Male-Dom couple also having a profile on CM as PrimalConsonance. Feel free to contact either or both of us on any or all of these profiles. I seek others in this lifestyle: friends, like-minded souls, submissive and otherwise. We are a community, and I enjoy functioning within that community. I want to promote this lifestyle in a positive manner, with a positive attitude towards others in this lifestyle. Cultivate and accentuate all that is good and diminish what is not. I can only hope that others feel the same way. I do not interact with users, abusers, and manipulators…no one should fall into that trap. There’s no room for social predators and bordering criminal behavior: Safe, Sane, Consensual…which implies an “US First” and not a “ME First” approach…you can still look out for “#1”, but not at the expense of others. I’ve never found a situation to the contrary.

Who or what puts the fire in your eyes?? There is a spark that drives the flames of desire in each of us...a good reason for our existence here on this site and choosing to include BDSM into our daily lives.? For some it's a feeding of a thrill or fetish, for others it's pretty much the way they are wired.? But for whatever the reason, we are here and we embrace that which compels us to be who we are.?

There is a diversity that abounds within our lifestyle, and hopefully a built-in acceptance (or indifference OR tolerance at least) of other's kink/preferences...as long as they abide by the SSC or risk-awareness codes.? For me it's pretty simple:? one's credibility is governed by how well you respect these guidelines as well as how you treat others as well as yourself.? Being decent, respectful of others, and dealing openly, honestly , and fair is how it goes properly in my book not only for others, but for myself as well.

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It's been a while since I've come to CM on this account, but I've been here under the joint account of PrimalConsonance that my submissive roselaure and I share.? Pretty much just making my home on the message boards lately.? It's been fun and entertaining, and even therapeutic during these stressful times.? So many things going on, so many changes!? But during this time, I have had a few very good friends here and out in the 'cruel world' that have helped me get through it all when I needed more support (hard to keep a positive spin on things at times)...and Thank you all very much!!? There is some light at the end of the tunnel afterall.

So as things progress along, I'll be back here sharing and making observations again like I used to.? Until then...
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So here we are ending this 2009, and I can say that it was filled with some of the best and worst moments I have had in the past 365-days.? Being laid-off was bad, losing my pet on Christmas Day was not so good either.? I loved them both, but I can get another job:? I hope soon.? On a better note, I have my submissive who I love, and great friends that have shown their true colors to me as I have gone through what has come my way during this year...and appreciate is just not a strong enough word.? Y'all are so dear, and hope that I can give back the same when you may need me as well!? Happy New Year!

Our first snow:? It wasn't much and thank God for that!? Though I've been up here in NJ for over 21-years, I am never at home, acquainted with, or welcome this blessed event.? Fun? to look at, a bitch to move by hand, pretty from pictures, and cold as ice.? Florida doesn't have this added feature to the winter months, and though this is a normal occurrence; not for moi!

I'm going to chatter my teeth until next April...I'll need to relearn those snow-shovel muscles that I haven't had the need nor inclination to use, which will be painful (hello:? Dominant here...low pain tolerance!!).? Oh, and yes the ice:? I hate ice on the steps, sidewalks, and my windshield when I'm in a hurry and need to scrape it off the car, but need to salt it all down just to get to the 3000# ice cube by the curve.

The only reason I tolerate all this is because Christmas is in the middle of it.? Growing up in Florida, I never really connected that "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" thing until I came up here, like I do now.? In Florida, you could sing it and had no clue or fear of ACTUALLY having a "White Christmas". ? Up here, it's not the same.? I'm worried of a white Christmas, that means an hour of shoveling out the car, sidewalk, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...? Well I hope y'all have a great winter experience however (I'm going to get some hot tea now...) ?

And now we enter into our jazz-improvisational portion of our program... Having just joined the elite (well not-so elite) group of the recently downsized, I'm having some mixed emotions and probably not-so unique feelings that come by being in this situation.? I have no ill-feelings towards my former employers...it's all about survival and numbers, but I am a little un-nerved about the timing as it were and the great unknown as well as the impending future.? It is an opportunity for change, and though it came a bit sooner than expected (and not on my terms no less), then I will adapt and move on.? On a better note:? now I won't be just contributing to a football pool that I never win at, so I got that going for me...AND my gas mileage for the daily commute just improved astronomically.? I DO so love silver linings! ?

"It is what you make it..."? There is a sort of balance to that statement, as well as the concept of participation through effort.? In this case, we are going to apply this to RELATIONSHIPS.? You won't have a relationship if you don't make the effort to participate, for instance.? This requires not only the effort, but contribution,? a and willingness to give as well as take; to compromise and adapt.? This also involves mutual respect, and going in with "eyes open".? The relationship in this case IS the "It", and "It" is an entity that needs feeding, care, and maintainability to grow, thrive, and survive. ?

Idealistically, relationships have the possibility of being healthy and wholesome for everyone involved.? But there are some relationships like entities that suffer for whatever reason.? What's needed in this case is to figure out what elements are lacking or need work and putting that effort into changing it for the better, or the alternative of closing that relationship and moving on hopefully with the knowledge that will aid all involved in making another "It" (relationship) stronger and more fortified the next time around.? We all want a happy ending, and experience a more satisfying quality of life.? But it don't come easy...??

"Dance like nobody's watching;
Love like you've never been hurt;
Sing like nobody's listening;
Live like it's Heaven on Earth..."

-- Mark Twain

(Just a good thought for when it matters.? And it always matters.)

"You got a Father...I'm your Daddy!"? It's said that we tend to look for people in our relationships that have elements of our parent's qualities.? Hopefully the GOOD qualities!? For some, this couldn't be farther from the truth.? Those may be looking for someone with the exact opposite qualities that they experienced while growing up, and are looking for the idealistic replacement that they feel would have made things better.? Whatever the case may be, authority figures play a vital role in our current behavior patterns.?

We have the authoritarians, we have those that crave authority to be showered upon them, and we have those that resist authority.? Some wish to be told and ordered what to do, while others want a loving and cuddly authoritarian to watch over and protect them.? Some are comfortable with both of those concepts.? This breeds a few varieties of distinct Dominant and submissive? roles in BDSM.?

So which one are you?? Over the years, I have found that I lean towards the "Daddy Dom" side of things.? There's a certain value system, comfort level, and attitude that I'm good with, which sort of puts me in that category fairly easily. ? We all have contrasts, and I'm no exception.? I have a darker sadistic side that appeals to some (gida loves it), while still the protector/authoritarian that can act with? pride and a loving word...and I like to hug and cuddle a bit(I must have been born in the Year of the Teddy Bear).?

If you find that you are this kind of Dominant and feel like you should be acting more strictly or not so "Daddy" like, then please step back and take a look around before moving on.? No need to be apprehensive.? It's ok being who you feel you are, and being true to yourself, then you'll be more true to others that will appreciate that. ? Don't be who you think OTHERS want you to be.? There iisn't one right way in being a Dominant in BDSM.

There is nothing saying that ALL Dominants are supposed to be hardened cruel people.? You can have soft Dominants, or those with Daddy like tendencies.? You can be both!? But mainly, Be happy with you are.? Don't worry, there's a submissive out there, who does or will adore you beyond expectation.? We all have a "fit" with a counterpart, and if they are not there yet, they will be with persistence. ??? Have fun.

The use of Sunglasses:? In some pictures, you will see Dominants behind glasses looking bad, or police officers, and body guards with shades, or the entire cast of the Matrix series supporting Ray-Ban the company of fine eyewear products.? All do it for similar and some for different reasons.? Let's go for the similar reason:? You look BADASS!? And there is the "cool factor". ? Of course the other reasons are that you don't want to let on where your eyes are directed and your attention is at that moment, reduces glare from lights, and you can even sleep some and no one is the wiser. ? Poker players use this to help hide any expression from the other players in an effort not to give them an advantage:? hence "The Poker Face".

In BDSM, it also has the advantage of not letting subs know not only know where their Domanint's eyes are directed, but also how they feel directly.? It's a little unnerving when you speak to someone and that part of the communication is taken away. ? It makes one doubt things...what you're doing, or saying/responding, what THEY are thinking or feeling.?

It's one of those sub-conscious catalogings of how we process and perceive what we see (or don't see).? Authority, intrigue, darkness, mystery, among other things.? As unnerving as it is, some people secretly enjoy and get excited by that situation when it comes to be.? ZZ Top has it right...check out their song? ( ZZ TOP Cheap Sunglasses 1980? on You Tube, is one of their best BTW), and just remember to take them off at night:? so un-cool to trip over things.

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The "Jaded BDSMer":? I've been told I'm a bleeding heart... ? I've been accused as being an idealistic dreamer, and the eternal optimist at times.? I generally feel that people are good, and those that prove me wrong usually never get a second chance.? But? I believe in treating everyone fairly.?

Some people don't have this type of affliction in them, but have a different disease.? Let's first define what "disease" means.? "Dis" meaning "Not", when combined with the second part means literally: ?? "Not at ease".? We generally use this term for the physical state of the body, or "The body not at ease".? But it can also mean the state of the mind.?

The mind has a few points of entry in the way we behave.? Some are innate, some are learned, and some are manifestations of perception through the interpretations derived from how our minds process information; can sometimes be distorted by chemical imbalances that result in an irrational response or thought process.? What I want to discuss about is the topic of the "jaded" individual, dealing with the learned responses that influence us in our behavior negatively.?

Now if I haven't lost you and you've moved on by that babble above, then let's explore learned responses that shape our behavior.? These are experiences that once gone through shape the way we behave towards that or very similar situations in the future.? This means that negative experiences can sometimes damage an otherwise healthy outlook on one's general behavior...too many negative experiences can lead to a conflict situation where the desire and the outcome become a problem of not meshing up or coming up to those expectations either in the act or the person they are putting their expectations into.?

This can lead to the "jaded" individual.? I applaud you for sticking with me on this very sticky subject...when dealing with emotions, you usually get emotions back in a karma-storm of emotional fury.? I'm really wanting to help and not hurt, so I'm going wide and long-winded.? Thanks again.

What comes to mind now, is that there are also people that come into this lifestyle with conditions besides a set of negative learned responses.? Some do come into it with chemical or other mental illnesses that should really be addressed when getting into the mentally intensity and emotional chain-pulling potential that BDSM has in it.? Some can be very therapeutic and some can be very damaging physically and mentally.?? Just be careful please.

So with that and all else stated, learned behaviors can also be un-learned, or at least replaced with more positive outlooks.? I feel that the jaded BDSMer can be changed.? These people have had some rough times, and have had their trust, their fears, their devotion, and desires abused or dashed on the rocks before...these are the ones that end up not looking for positive qualities, but seek out all the possible pitfalls and go on a warpath as if on a witch-hunt of near-do-wells that infest here like hordes of cockroaches to be exposed and dispatched with extreme bias for even illuding to facing in the same general direction of those aggressors of their past negative experiences.

A bit dramatic?? I feel it may even call for that to give the proper perspective of a more proper mental image.? This can be changed, it can be cured.? It takes more time to fix and rectify, than it did to cause this learned response.? Patience and a strong desire for everyone is needed.? Trust has to be built up.? And those bolted doors to your jaded emotions have to b opened up again in order to get to them for a change.?

This is a seemingly wrong impulse for the person that is going though this.? This is how they were hurt in the first place!? But it needs to be done.? If you don't, then all is lost if you are not willing to take the chance again.? The tricky part:? who do you trust?? Who do you put your faith in?? The 64-million dollar question isn't it?? Unfortunately, only you have that answer.? But you can rely on your friend's input, a support system, and ultimately your gut feelings.?

Instead of weeding out the bad people and not thinking about yourself, think about yourself and avoid the bad people and focus on the better people.? Don't fall into a rut of choosing the same type of people everytime.? Stop and reflect on what is the problem, and who DOESN'T fit that problem.? How would YOU want to be approached?? With scrutiny or open-mindedness?? Do unto them as you would have them do unto you (Golden Rule...it really is a good one).?

You might find with a different outlook, you get to use a different bait, and that will ultimately get you a reward that you didn't expect but may be the right one for you.? Trust and not getting stepped on or taken, will eventually replace the doubt and mistrust that fills you now.? It can happen, and happiness is better than bitterness ANYDAY.?

Good luck, and feel free to contact me if you like.?? I may have babbled or made sense, but I will happy to talk about it more, if I was incomplete.? Take care, and until next time....

The Roller-coaster of life and kink:? I was thinking how these two go together as much as I would rather they not.? But that is sadly the case as with nearly all things days.? I sincerely hope it changes for the better soon with the economy, since I don't like to think about having an argument with myself in the future that goes like:? "Food or restraints, food or restraints..." ?

With Floating World out of the way, I know there are a few other events coming up that I would like to try and get to if scheduling permits.?

My submissive and I were discussing how nice it is that we live in an area where the kink is plentiful.? Often in other areas of our great nation, the kink is not so spread out.? What to do if you are in a rural area, and you craving a night of bondage and whips?? You could make a weekend out of it to get to someplace up to 100-miles away and do it that way.? Munches would be a bit of a stretch...

But up here in the Northeast, we have plenty of kinky perverted individuals we can call friends and such, with so many choices to choose for public and semi-public play.? We find ourselves sometimes complaining about what's available, but I say we should be grateful for what we have!? We do have much more kink per square-mile up here than a lot of places do in their whole state...not bragging, just shocked.? I thought we were more twisted than that!

Kink finds a way, so I'm not worried, but I am happy to be in an enriched part of the land where it's what it is.? Now if we could just get that theme-park up and running...I think it's the name on the banner that is slowing us up:? "Kink-World", "BDSM-flags", or maybe "Whips and Chains of America"...It could be a while.

Reality vs. Fantasy:? This fellow that was recently caught for having abducted an 11-year old girl back in 1991 when he was doing something with his parole (she revealed to the police with a series of questions who she was, though they were not looking for her actively at the time, and it just came out), is quite the delusional character...thought he had the world at his fingertips and was basically feeling superior over the rest of the world since he had the answers and we had not caught on yet.?

There is reality and fantasy blurred.? This person thought that he was justified by the greatest heart-felt story ever told would show how this was not wrong and probably commendable in some way.? That's fantasy.? The reality was that someone was taken against their will, enslaved under harsh conditions, and became part of some twisted extended family, bearing two children during her stay there.? She could have been there still if things didn't go as they did.? By that time, she wasn't actively trying to escape, but it was wonderful that she opened up to the authorities.?

Is there a lesson to be learned here for us in the BDSM community?? I think so.? Remind yourself of what is reality and what is fantasy.? It's ok and expected that you will want to bring some fantasies to life, and that is perfectly fine!? And on the other hand, there are fantasies that should stay that way:? a fantasy.? And this is perfectly fine and normal.?

It doesn't make you a sociopath or worse to have fantasies that may be a little more than "out there".? Just keep those inside as a word of advice.? Think of the most crazy fantasy that you have and now try to think out the ramifications wherer reality might step in and swat you...that little voice in your head called reason might come up and gently say "no".? Hopefully.? If not, you may find yourself not only in jail, but on the news, the brunt of jokes (brought on by the personnel at the ER when they pull whatever it is stuck in you or you stuck on you off/out of you),and a blurb on someone's "look what some idiot tried to do" blog.? Nice...

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New submissives:? Here I am up on my soapbox with something that I recently heard which had me disturbed, and I wanted to share.? If you EVER have a prospective Dominant that stipulates his proposal in the light of doing something potentially dangerous to you on a first or the first few times meeting you:? Don't even think about it.? It's not safe, don't sound sane, and believe me-it probably won't be with what you initially consented to.?

There are predators posing as Dominants and self-appointed Masters, that feel taking a sub into his lair and beating her severely for up to three days; is meaning that you consented just because you showed up.? Keeping you away from contact with others in the outside world...keeping you there for the duration of your "agreement" IF it comes to that.? Right.? This is not safe, and creates an environment where you don't get to use your safeguards, and it comes down to "he said/she said" if there is some reproach.?

I'm not saying that All Dominants are predators, but please exercise caution!? Have your safeguards in place with a silent alarm set up with someone you can trust.? Obtain their (the Dominant's) personal information and the place you'll be (giving that information to your safety support in the event that something goes wrong, and the police need to summoned).? Arrange a set time period and some code words that you can say if needed that mean something's wrong.? Call more than once and don't stay overnight on the first meeting.? Don't agree to anything sever and any bullshit about "intense training" and such from the get-go.? You don't know him and he don't know you.? That takes time.? Common sense will keep you safe, good sound safe decisions may keep you alive.?

There are those that have a litle trouble with SSC and reaility.? They may be motivated by the guise of easy prey to satisfy their sadistic and criminal hunger.? Here's a girl that wants to be "hurt", "abused", or at least "tied and whipped".? All good things with a person abiding by SSC ethics.? For those that operate outside of those boundaries and rules, those are the ones to worry about and give BDSM a bad light to be judged in.? Sick people hiding behind this lifestyle are NOT BDSM'ers but low-life creeps and assultants that take advantage of the situation and leave the rest of us holding the bag of crap to explain to those not so tolerant of BDSM.?

Dominants and submissives alike would do well to have safety precautions that are a support for that person when it concerns a first contact meeting with someone they don't know.? A public place, or even a BDSM club where you let others know that you'd like to have them keep an eye on you while you are with this potential new partner.? Anything you can do to keep safe is recommended, and not just thinking "I can take care of myself"... have support ready.??

I want us ALL safe, happy, and growing old together in this lifestyle.? Please think and don't let fantasy get in the way of reality.? Trust and respect are earned and NOT demanded by anyone...ESPECIALLY Dominants.? That's all for now, but please feel free to e-mail me if you have something to contribute or wish to express your views pro or con.? (Falling off soapbox now...)? "Be execellent to eachother!" -Bill & Ted

I just got back from TES Fest, and it was exceptional!? I got to see some people that I have been acquainted with for a very long time (some as far back as the TES Fest of 2006... my first one ever), and got a chance to see some of the contemporary influences of mine.? At one point, I got to shake hands and say hello with the very founder of TES, which was a special treat!? It couldn't have been much better this weekend...but I do hope all had a great 4th of July weekend as well!

Anticipation:? Carole King wrote about it...very nicely too.? We've all experienced this feeling whether it was an event or a beginning coming up very soon, or even when at a restaurant...every time? the waitress would come out the kitchen door (how DOES she stand that pressure?? That POWER?...."will I give you your pancakes now Mr. Smith?....I think not!"...[a sea of expectant faces wide-eyed] with....Ant-tica--------pation?). ? I couldn't resist it.

In BDSM we have a healthy dose of anticipation as well.? We wait, we beg, we task the word "patience" to the extent of Webster's divine providence of the very defition, where we are literally the poster-children of the word.? We want usually with a veil of refinement,? but with the soul of a ferral creature.? It's right there just out of grasp, just a little bit further, and it will be.?

Some forms of anticipation for us here:? orgasm denial ("blue balls" for those that have them...), that next swat of the cane, flogger, or paddle, or the loving touch of your Dominant's hand across your buttocks.? When the Dominant uses restraint (the patience one, all you bondage-sluts...just wait!), then the anticipation can be better than words can describe.? Each time the stroke is delivered, each moment the hand comes down...that sound that fills your ears as the cane quickly comes to meet your tender flesh...well you get the point.? It's all about anticipation!? Bet you can't wait for the next entry...I know I'm an-tica------pating it.? ??

Making Toys (Crafting for the craft):? There's a certain amount of joy (and some OCD) that goes into making toys that you get to play with.? For the learned, it's science with art.? For the karaoke crew of toy makers (I'm in that category I am sure...those that "think" they can make toys, until someone comes along and shows them REALLY how it's done....sort of like singers will do), then it's more hit&miss or hope for the best.? We all have the ability to make a toy (just like we all can sing in the shower), but the main thing is to have some fun and enjoy what you're trying to accomplish.?

I'm currently working on some impact items, and have had a couple of them on the table and not finished for quite some time.? Those that know me will also know I tend to start things like this but sometimes don't follow-through very quickly.? My stress level has a lot to do with this, but you know:? I'm enjoying what I'm doing now and I think it would help lower my stress.? Ironic.? But I'm liking it.? So I have projects and some are coming along nicely.?

As I have been sanding and smoothing out, and trying not destroy the nice bamboo sticks...I have gained a new level of contentment where I like what I see in the end and if I could just stop when I think it's done (usually works good like that), then I'll be fine.? When sanding something round like that, it's important not to over do it.? Otherwise you'll be like that kid that started with a new pencil and ends up with a nubbed eraser before he's satisfied with the working end.

I have plenty of ideas, and as ideas go, sometimes they are not truly original ideas.? Oh they are original ideas to me, and if you have ideas like that, they are original to you... But you start looking around on the net or the dungeon and you find someother giant brain has beat you to making that nice item to beat someone else with.? I say still make it if you want.? You may make it better!? You may make it improved...Be optimistic.? There is a joy to say "I made that!"

And remember:? It's always fun until someone takes an eye out...and then it's still fun, you just see half of it.

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TES Fest is so close!? I'm looking forward to attending very much...My last TES Fest was back in 2006, which was also my FIRST TES Fest.? It was a significant turning point in the relationship between BDSM and myself.? This was a list of firsts for me during that time, and as wonderful and nearly over-whelming as it was on many levels; I feel so blessed for going back then.?

I'm looking forward to this one not only fondly remembering the past one, but I'm also going with my submissive who will be experiencing TES Fest (or any large BDSM event for that matter) for the first time.? I can only wish that she have those similiar awe-inspiring moments as I did at my first event.? She is as eager as I am, and we hope to see you there as well!? If you know me or recognize me, then please say hello...

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Happy Fathers Day!? For some of you, you are a Father, and some are a Daddy... It's also the longest day of the year, so happy equinox for all you pagan as well as science and nature-aware individuals. ? Hope there is something for everyone today to enjoy. ?

Good morning and things are better.? I am enjoying this weather with it's cooler nights and wetter days, and with the days getting longer...it's nice.? I'm getting better too, and feeling more like myself these days.? Though it's a slightly adjusted self, it's still workable daily.?

I realize that I haven't been posting like I used to, but things have gotten in the way and I've not been feeling inspired like I used to.? This will as all things change, and changes happen to us all...all the time, but it's the nicer ones we all want.? And that is happening for me these days I hope.? It's sort of like a roller-coaster ride, where there's ups and downs, and right now I'm out of a dangerous turn and doing some coasting at the moment.?

I sincerely hope that y'all are doing some nice coasting as well these days.? It helps to take on those bumps that will? be coming up way to shortly and will give you the strength and will to stay on track (so to speak).? Thanks to those that care, and wish you ALL the very best always.? I'll write more soon and maybe even some tasty tid-bits of some of what I posted before.? Take care...

Hello All:? Just got done with my stress test.? Hey, I passed!? Seriously though, I didn't like it.? I'm glad I got it done however, and will know more in a few days.? Also, I just turned 49 last week, and though that is a significant number as far as milestones are concerned (sort of like being 19), I'm thinking that it's cool.? I want to grow old, but I've joked with my co-workers that when I'm really old, I'm going to stay high (since I don't do any "enhancing" or drinking now...perhaps I have earned something)...and sit in my rocking chair with my shawl and have Led Zepplin (which will be "old folks music" by that time)blasting through my modified hearing aid (that plays MP3s or whatever is the current format).? We'll see.? Have a good day.

Hello All:? I've just returned from Florida after getting to spend some time with my folks there.? No beaches, no Disney...just needed to see them for a while and get recharged some.? Things have been tough emotionally and a bit overwhelming, and there are many changes that I have to face and work on...some immediate and some a little further down the road.? Just felt like checking in and I'll write more later....

Hello All,? It's been a while since I have posted anything here, but felt that I wanted to this morning.? Spring is here, and though it still feels like winter; times are changing.? The economy feels like winter as well, and I hope that some change and relief are on the horizon.? For those that are seemingly unaffected and are weathering these times, Bravo!? For the rest of us, I wish good luck.? I was at work yesterday, and in the candy machine was all the usual but what was also added was aspirin/pain reliever in two flavors, as well as antacids.? A sign of the times?? Certainly for this opportunist to take advantage of a situation.

As taxing as it all is on the psyche, and as relentless as it is to the senses...I'm reminded by others that "we ALL are affected" by the recent economical recession.? We ARE all affected, but how we deal with it; is different.? So as a person that started off worried but not panicked, strong that it wouldn't get too far out beyond control...I can say we all are doing a complicated dance of sorts to dodge the inherent pitfalls that come with the common ground we are on,? and we can only do that dance for so long before we start to trip ourselves up.? Just be mindful and try to take care of your psyche as well as all else.?

What is it in this lifestyle that places you as a submissive or slave?? Is it an uncompromising drive that compels you to serve and/or submit?? The word serve can mean many things...submit has a clearly narrower definition, but serve?? Certainly more than items on a plate.? More than doing what you're told to do or other menial tasks.? More than just taking orders or being used like an object...or just expecting to be the center of attention.?

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At one time, I came across enough submissives when I was much younger...that felt that they were without will, or substance to contribute more than just their bodies for play or abuse.? They relished the idea that they had no choice or will of their own.? This turned me off so completely to think that their sole purpose was to NOT take an active part in things...NOT to offer and contribute.? They were content to lay there, silently wishing to be chained to the bed as it were.? To have their lives so completely controlled (so they wouldn't have to).? I'm sure there are plenty of households out there that want or have operated in that mode, but that's not for me.?

There are two sides to this coin:? Dominant and submissive.? They go together, work together, cohabitate together.? Interact.? If I wanted a mindless automaton, I could save a lot of time with other objects and such.? Don't need brats, but I do like people with thoughts and desires behaving like people....how existintial!? ??

I see that more people are turning to make "tribute" a part of their vocabulary these days...Let's just say it's not? just for Dommes anymore.? I'm now seeing submissives offering themselves for "tribute".? That's a nice way to say it.? And you know what I mean.? I know times are tough, and I'm right there poised on the edge with the rest...but before I begin to exploit nearly the last refuge to my happiness, I'm going to exhaust my efforts in gaining more income somehow somewhere else.??? But to demand "tribute" puts money and / or goods up-front BEFORE or INSTEAD of lifestyle.? Does that still make it lifestyle?? It's not the same as being PRO.? If you are going to be a "Pro" whatever, then say so.? This will show some professionalism (obviously).? Anything is well......you fill in the blank.? Take care...

One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

There is an argument that contemplates whether we are born or made either submissive or Dominant (which puts switches where?).? And there is the belief that in order to become a good Dominant, that one must first start off as a submissive.? We all hear tales of those that started off in one capacity, and evolved into a different capacity...subs turning into Dominants, and vise versa.? We'll also include those that thought they were one way only to find that are not what they wanted be and change (accidental case of mistaken self-identity).? This is all good, and nothing to worry about.? As long as you're happy and such, that's great.? It shouldn't really matter how you got there as long as you feel you belong.? Once you accept your place and position, then others will follow suit...

Service:? I've been listening, observing and discussing with a few people over the course of a few years now on various topics...and this invariably comes up once in a while. ? With all different levels of service, you could say it depends on the demands and needs and the supply to feed and satiate that need. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Apparently, there is a service for well every service that one could think of in a reasonable manner.? House work, handywork, errands, sexual, entertainment, and perhaps some more refined service orientated jobs that some would consider like maid, butler, or vassel.? Handmaidens, and houseboys, Domo, or Nanny to little ones.? There can be many needs.? I'm sure there's even a financial service person or two out there (if you want to call it that...I'm not so sure, but giving tribute or money really isn't service in my book... and is that tax deductable?)

I can see where a service person could come in handy.? We live in a high-paced and hectic world these days, and seems like we run around at full-tilt... so who wouldn't like the efforts of a service slave or submisive that could ease the burdens of the day...who would receive the appreciation and attention of a job or service well-done and experience that trust and acceptance that comes with being a part of something (though the work performed may be meanial or "dirty"...don't kid yourself:? it IS appreciated above all other aires) more than just of the self?? Giving for the satisfaction that comes with the act of giving.? Receiving back the positive and there is a certain amount of respect be it spoken or unspoken...there is a certain amount of acceptance and approval from this work performed.? So for those that do service work, good for you and Bravo/ or Brava!????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

On a side note:? For those of you that do this and are not really service people and want to gain access and trust to gain entry and then take advantage or steal or worse... One has to be aware and careful when bringing in a service person...sometimes references are good if that is the type of introduction began this relationship, or if not then there shouldn't be automatic trust and acceptance.? That should be built up anyway, and in any case.? Just be careful and true...this is for the service people, and for those seeking service people...

Scene Music:? I've been working on finding accompaniments for play.? Something that would be appealing generally, and not have all the pitfalls of common over-worked music that you hear all the time.? I'm looking into this for a couple of reasons...first I want and love music.? Second, feeling that there is power of suggestion in music and tone, I wish to set a mood with a sort of modern day tone painting that would have some appeal and not be to subjective as to take away from a sub's space-time or the concentration of a Dominant's attention.? I am aiming at putting together some sort of presentation in the future for other BDSMers to hopefully enjoy and maybe even learn something new (more on this as it develops)...? So we'll see how that goes, and of course I welcome anyone's input on what they feel is good music to swing to...be it from a rope or the handle of a flogger...Eventually I'll put out a list or two.? A primer and some not so common.? I'm looking forward to sharing with those that would be interested as well. Until then...

MORE on the IRC:? As a relatively "old timer" on the Net, and before when BBS's roamed the Earth... Chat was an exciting and extraordinary thing for us.? The BBS's had limited chat (they had to have a few nodes running at once, and was primative at best).? Prodigy, CompUServ, and others didn't have it, but when the IRC and later AOL came to be available; this brought on a whole new world of sleepless nights and strained relationships from people finding that they were not the only ones staying up all night, foregoing sunlight, and a life by immersing themselves in the new IRC / chat experience. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??

Now some of? you are still on IRC in the purist form, and some are accessing the IRC via web-based java driven programs that tap-into IRC land.? Still a booming part of the Net!? I had one of the first BDSM channels on DALnet back when they were just a couple of servers filled with geeks and nerds like me all talking Star Trek and D&D and the like... but besides Star Trek, I was also into whips, floggers & chains (Oh my).? We as a group could relate... how could a person that could cuss in Klingon find ME strange?!? We just maintained a mutual and silent respect...besides:? If you know how Klingons make love, it's not so bad!????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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Soon with the perversion of this new technology (as with all technology...we as humans can take it and twist it perverted:? Ben Franklin would be horrified and turned on by what WE can do with electricity!), other IRC servers popped up and now there are a tremendous amount of BDSM related channels and even servers like BDSMnet, and such...I seem to remember that you can even get into the chatrooms here on CM with IRC as well as the current web-based method offered.?
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Chat is a good way to interact with others.? I was an introvert and this medium helped me be more of who I am now and I tend to express myself in person as I do here usually.? For introverts, being locked away in a room by ourselves and yet with the world at our fingertips is an intoxicating thought.? Existential at best... pathetic at least (we DO really need to get out more).? The main thing is that we tend to take this world as reality, and reality sucks on a few levels to THIS world is more controlable...problem is that are we REALLY controlling this world (oh red-eyed, stiff as a board, Prince / Princess of the 24/7 chatrooms)?? Just think about it...I know I've been there.?

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Now on a lighter note, if not for the feverish approach to the chatrooms on IRC, the chatrooms may not have developed as they have now with with vigor.? We all have made a contribution and still do.? Even you HNGs...you know who you are.? For the virgins and younguns' HNG = Horny Net Geek.? Rude, and sure that they have a chance with anything remotely estrogen-based, they persistently pester people thereby sealing their doom only to move onto the next potential net babe (See Napoleon Dynamite's Older Brother for a visual).? Stop it, we have bots now that do the same thing!? One of my favorite moments now is going into a chat room with only bots in there and they are all trying to get the others to respond...and it seems they are responding to themselves, so at least there's some honest happiness with the ghost in the machine... Take care.

Hello All on this Valentine's Day!? I have for you another bit of trivia to enlighten and entertain... What two bands make reference to the average amount of ejaculate produced by the human male during orgasm? ? If you said:? "The Loving Spoonful" and "10cc" then you are very much correct!!?? Remember:? it's "Sex, Drugs, and (hopefully) Rock n' Roll...You didn't think it was about drugs did you???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Now the $64 question is what in the world is that guy singing about in that 10cc song I heard growing up?? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I want to know really...kinda enjoy driving around and hearing that song come on the radio and signing to it like an idiot:? "I'm not in love....just in Quad?! .... dressed in Quad?!? What the....? ?? Happy Valentine's Day!?

IRC and Me:? Back when the Internet was younger, and AOL was sending FLOPPY-disks out by the trainload and littering your mail in the hopes that you'd join their group luring you into their so-many-minutes-free trap... There was the IRC.? The Internet Relay Chat (IRC) was one of the primary functions of the system that was first developed that would later become the Internet as we know it now.? The concept of "web-based" chat was not yet happening.? One had to go to IRC for that realtime conversation to come about.? Wait until sometime when some old coot in a rocking chair starts babbling about FTP-servers....Geez Gramps!? What was that, the 80's or 90's or something?! ? I'll add to this later... ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??

BDSM and the Media:? BDSM is everywhere.? Fetish lives in innuendo throughout most forms of media...music, books, movies, tv, poems, you name it.? Taboo and exhilarating...wanted and yet the brunt of jokes and spicing up situations at the expense of what is exposed to those that have an inkling and those that know full-well what it's all about.? Like those closeted homosexuals that feel they must hide in the open when something is brought out in the media...BDSM'ers have find their own "trunk" to take refuge from the storm (if one arises) when things come out.? Not surprising since BOTH homosexuality and BDSM were listed as severe mental health issues a little over 50-60 years ago (and Psychology was barbaric by certain standards at that time).? So despite the poking fun and naughty snickers that come from this exposure...we HAVE come a long way!? We just don't get the cool parades like our former padded-cell-mates get like they do.? But we DID get to keep the straightjackets...so we got that going for us. ?

BDSM and Age:? (Right up front:? This is not about Age play so much, to let's all just settle down and put the sharps away for a moment...).? More so, this is about the lifestyle within different age-groups and the individual.? Ever think about that the lifestyle was only for the younger crowd?? Ever think that the scene was filled with old people that looked like they had wandered into the wrong party?? Have you been to a gathering where some of or all of the attendees were separated not by orientation whithin the lifestyle, but by age groups?? And lastly have you seen where there was a rather large gap between a Dominant and a submissive, and thought strongly and not so indifferent? ? It's ok...you're probably not alone in thinking it, but should it be that way? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
We hear often that you are as young as you feel.? This statement can not be any more true than this.? Studies have shown that the mind and the body work together at times...illustrating that the mind is a wonderful thing to say the least for all sorts of things even to the point of being that little taste of the fountain of youth.? Granted, there are physical limitations that the body (hence the "The mind is strong, while the flesh is weak" quotation here) may have dealing with.? But hopefully we will mind those limitations and blossom to our full potential within those? boundaries.?? There are some very active seniors out there that will astound and amaze the youngest kinkster out there...you know who you are! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? So what now?? The age constraints that we impose on ourselves either through the nature of humans, or the civility that is created by what we consider normal and correct in order to be "better than the animals" (more on why we tend to affiliate ourselves with the animals later if I remember...I'm getting older every minute) dictates that we should mind ourselves to those most like us.? But in what way?? By age?? By looks?? By hair and or skin color? ? Maybe by height, musical preferrence or size?? No, we can say whatever we like for why groups and individuals migrate towards eachother and repel from others, but I feel that there is something deeper than all this superficial elements. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??

I feel above all the above, that it is how we relate.? We relate to others by all of that and more, but also how we click as individuals and how we relate to ourselves internally...if I feel old and think that old people are supposed to feel and act a certain way, then that is how I'm going to act.? If I don't feel old, then I'll act accordingly as well.? This isn't a BDSM thing more than it is a mind thing. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? As I have related before, when I went to my first TES Fest some years back, I was taken by the diversity of individuals there.? I saw groups of young D/sers, Old couples that I would surely have mistaken for a couple that could only find excitement at a bingo hall, but no....like one:? they were sporting some nice leather gear and a lovely single-tail for him and instead of a pearl necklace for the lady; she had one hell of a collar about her neck and some wrist and ankle restraints that looked like they'd secure a pro-wrestler.? I wasn't shocked... I was elated that I just might be able to enjoy this lifestyle for a lot longer than I could imagine (Plus I was longing for a single-tail whip I could call my own...damn that was a nice one! ...but that's a different conversation)

Point is:? Don't be so quick to judge others by their cover.? No matter if it is a brand new one or one that has some milage on it.? And don't be so quick to fall into the superficial pit as well.? Just because someone is super thin or a person obese, or whatever... they are STILL people.? Prefernce is one thing, but respect is entirely another...so if you are leaning toward superficial, then you'll get superficial...remember that for all your judgements out there, there is someone who will judge you in that manner as well.? And at one time, we all fail on that ...so a little "Golden Rule" living here.? But other than that, have fun, enjoy others no matter what's on the outside or relative age (yes keep it legal for goodness sake), and respect one another one some level...? We're kinky perverts..not animals (ok that will come next I'm sure....) ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Can it get any colder!?!? I'm chattering from the weather, and know I'm going to need dental care after this season...? Here's a bit of trivia for y'all (well at least those of you old enough to remember rock bands from the 70's): ? ? ? ? ? ? ? "Three Dog Night" ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? How did the band get their name? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? This is a term derived from dog sled teams way up North, depending on that particular night's tempuratures....? It was custom to sleep along with the dog team out in the wintery night to share the body heat and everyone would survive the night staying together.? Sometimes dog sledders would comment on how cold that last night was by how many dogs it took to keep warm...? So a "Three Dog Night"? was a very cold night.? Last night, I could have used a couple more (or get bigger dogs).... Stay warm!

A New Year, and the first Full Moon!? Look:? It's Cosmos' Moon!? ....?? The Farmer's Almanac calls it the Wolf Moon from Native American tribes that gave this new moon it's name from the wolves howling outside their villages (sometimes known as the "Old Moon", but seems unappropriate with our calendar).? This moon is the largest on the horizon due to the moon being so close to us and the Northern hemisphere.?

The holidays have passed, we have a new year, new President, and new hopes and worries.? I hope that everyone's worries are small, and? that the promise of a new year comes with rewards and relief for us all.?

PAIN In the Mix:? It's the drug of choice for some.? Some fear it, and want nothing to do with it.? Few are addicted to pain (to a certain extent) once they've gotten over the fear that made them ignorant of what it can do in a good way.? Some need it more than just crave it.? Besides why, it's how, when, where, and sometimes who gives that delivers...

Pain by itself is not for some....and adding pleaseure to the pain does something really magical.? One sort of turbocharges the other when combined the right way.? I've come across some curious or with an aversion towards the lifestyle and the concept of pain with pleasure, and my argument is with question or two:? The first is usually "have you ever experienced a pleasure where the release was slow to nearly impossible in happening"?? If they say yes, then I ask "What did those moments before the release (if any) feel like"?? The answer is usually that those moments prior to their release was "painful" and of course then when the release DID come, it was pure pleasure.? Well?? The Denfense rests....

BETTIE PAGE:? I woke up to find that one of my favorite individuals had passed away yesterday.? Bettie was a major inspiration for us all, be it vanilla or lifestyle...and her outlook on life and living was unique as her looks and approach to how she dealt with this world. ? She helped bring the fetish world into what it is today, and I'm sure that for all that were influenced by her will all miss her as much as I will. ?

BDSM VS Life: There are vast variations of BDSM in our world, and some can practice or live the lifestyle more than others. Some kinksters believe that they are better than others because of this factor. This is a matter of personal opinion and how you are basing this claim. It is my opinion that there are those who live a well-balanced life where BDSM is a part of their lives and not so much ruling their lives. In other words to paraphrase loosely from a good friend: "BDSM is the inclusion and not the separation of one's life".

I'm not blasting anyone for having the freedom to live their lives 24/7 BDSM, those are truly rare and it's a beautiful thing if you can do it. Reality sets in for most of us, and this comes from needing to bring in income to run the house, or having children to raise, or other basic needs to keep a house/life running. Sometimes it's not like the BDSM stories you hear about: that's fantasy. Reality is a little bit different.

I do believe that we must work to be happy and rejoice with how our lives are enriched by the inclusion of BDSM as a part of our lives. Be who you are and try to be happy, and respect others on whatever level of BDSM they are at.

VANILLA VS BDSM: We tend to also separate ourselves from the vanilla world with a distained view at times. True, there are those in vanilla-land that are enemies to our lifestyle, and there are those that are either tolerant or sympathetic. We try our best to keep a low-profile, or to promote the positive, but there is always something that will try to set any progress in mainstreaming our community back and vilify it in some manner. Sometimes it's someone claiming to be one of our own...and still others that have this stigma eating at them like a virus...misinformed or ignorant out for blood.

My opinion: act naturally, and don't promote any negativity. Inform where you can, educate at a level that they can understand and not mistake or abuse this information, and be tolerant through taking the high road for those that you won't win over. A presence is sometimes stronger than a fight...if you know what I mean. Over time, that presence is not so much a threat as it first seems (it's one of the steps involved in aversion therapy and I feel it applies to this general stigma). We can only hope.

Another opinion: I think there are more of us kinksters out there than we know about publically. Hypocrites they may be, but they are there and only hide because of fear of persecution and would rather hide (thereby aiding in the concept that BDSM is wrong), than promote tolerance by being a little more out in the open (or at least not picking a torch with others to war with those they secretly are a part of). To that I say: "Either be a part of us as you are, or be quite and support in any way you feel you can safely at least".

We are out there...

HONOR: From "Obey", let's look at Honor. Honor is acknowledgement and respect of another. To honor someone is to hold them in higher regard. Submissives honor their Dominants, and just as importantly Dominants honor their submissives. We honor with pride our charges. A responsible and caring Dominant will view and hold in high regard that which they cherish as their submissive, who has chosen to put themselves into their midst.

If a Dominant didn't honor his submissive, then what sort of Dominant would he be? It wouldn't be a positive response here. You can be a hard-assed wicked Dominant, but not to care and honor your charge to some certain extend at least; just is not living to your potential and diminishing the potential of those you associate with. Pride is the motivator for a number of things, and honor is the respect that should be given to your submissive. Treat them well, and you will achieve greater goals. The submissive already (or should already) know that this concept of honor and respect, will and does make things right in their world. Why fear it? Fear will only make things go in reverse. A Dominant that rules with fear, is not much more than a tyrant. A submissive that fears the touch and word of their Master or Mistress, isn't respecting that person when cowering down...and most certainly doubt is their biggest emotion, not to honor or respect. Honor is two-way a street just as Respect is...take care and have a wonderful day.

OBEY: To obey someone is to consent to their wishes and whims...conforming to the rules that are set within a framework of a relationship where the role is established as one who sets the rule and the other who abides by the rule. For some, this word comes with a strong mental picture. When you obey a command or wish, you are doing what is expected and told to do. This does not mean that you are a doormat. This does mean that you are following direction. What better thing to know in this lifestyle than the line between two points are clearly defined as this is? You are told, and you obey...simple 2-step process!

Some will feel that the word is too strong thinking that it is demeaning or humiliating having to obey. You don't have to obey, but it helps if you do if you wish to have pleasure and progress from there. It is not a bad thing to obey...and what if you DON'T obey? What then? Well, around most parts, to disobey would encourage and bring on retribution of sorts to the offending disobeyer. Punishment? Discipline? Nothing? This could be the thing that hurts the most...nothing. That is sometimes the best punishment.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? When someone is being bratty and not obeying, then what is that they want? Is this just play? I'm not a big fan of bratty behavior myself. When I?ve had someone who is deliberately disobeying, then I feel that play time if over and it's time to move on and not encourage that sort of behavior. I'll stop responding. IF you like that sort of thing, great!! Just don't complain when you are not getting what you want out of life and the other person that has refused to take direction wants to grow and evolve. This is a conditioned and learned behavior. It is a discipline and to not to practice it, then there might be a harsh awakening in the mix. Obey your inner voice and obey those that you have chosen to be in charge.

POSITIVE NATURE: We all have the potential to be positive or negative in our selves and towards others. What will negative get you? Well, it's not good... Positive on the other hand, works much better. Holding a positive attitude with your other is always a bonus. A Dominant with a positive attitude will breed a positive environment around not only him or herself, but also has the possibility to suppress or take away any negativity in their submissives. Same goes for the submissive...if you have negative in your demeanor, then most likely you will get negative back, or worse. Take a positive attitude and combine this with respect from all involved, and you will see better results and fewer moments wasted on something that just don't promote a good and rewarding time for anyone.

This is something that came to me and I hope you enjoy:?

We are all beautiful monsters...magnificent bastards and deviants alike.? We smile when we strike, giving kisses where welts will arise...with a passionate fire in our eyes.? Don't be afraid as the ropes go taunt...it's for want that we do the magic with blindfolds on.? We've beaten asses to a song...biting nipples and tenders all night long, til your moans give harmony a new life of their own.? So think of me while your spirit rises above free from restraint...from the pleasure and pain that I create; like a painter with his paint...I'll be here waiting when you come back to me.? My muse in leather...adorned in chain.? I'll be here waiting to take? you back again.?

WHY DOMINANTS DON'T SMILE (in pictures at least): The first is that their boyish charm will show, and this will not do. How can you fear, respect, and lust after this terrible and fierce Dominant; if he's smiling like he did for his senior-class photos? Vanity may suggest that his bad-boy image will be tarnished with this goofy smile, and paranoia may suggest the question of "what am I smiling about?". Smiling is bold. When the male species is out to impress the female of the species (or significant other of the species....not that there's anything wrong with that), the male will ofter display his prowess, his machismo, and power. No room for a smile. In the animal kingdom, when a male wants to get the noticed; the stronger the image, the better the chances are of winning the prize (unless you're a praying mantis, then the reward is just not as sweet). So all you would-be prey: don't despair, Dominants DO smile and even laugh. They are human animals for the most part, and are given to emotions too. When they snarl, scowl, do an amazing impression of a Kabuki dancer, or even look like they're in some sort of wince of pain (REALLY trying to show their teeth so to speak), they are doing this for YOUR benefit! Now doesn't that make you feel special? Happy Thanksgiving!

CONTROL: Not just the place where Maxwell Smart called HQ (for those of you old enough to remember that or bold enough to brave that not-so great movie recently), but that which submissives surrender to their Dominants and Masters/Mistresses.? Once control is handed over, then some interesting things can occur.? Decisions take on a new flavor, since in some cases you don't have to make them since they are made FOR you.? One can have certain aspects of their lives controlled by others, be it financial, emotional, or physical.? Give it wisely, and use it wisely as well. A big responsibility, and commitment for both.? Are you prepared to have areas of your life that come without thinking suddenly brought to the foreground with absoluteness??

Some BDSM relationships will have control dabbed all over... some must ask permission to leave the presence of their Dominants be it to go fetch (love that word) something, or to even go to a bathroom break.? Some require a submissive to only wear what is chosen for them, or limit how many things or items that they can have...some things you just don't think about, like how many cigarettes their submissive can have (hard to keep track of, but some have stayed in the honor system pretty well... yeah.. right), or control the intake of certain foods or comforts.? Orgasms can be controlled from one extreme to another.? Taking them away, or delving out as rewards, sometimes handing them out as punishment (you'll have to figure that one out on your own, kids...).? So control isn't always about taking away, or giving in small quantities... it's about choice and freedom.? It's about requirements, and subjugation.? It's about commitment and utilization as well.? Control is meant to be exercised when given over as well, so let's not forget this sweet thing in our toolbox of "awesomeness of the Dominant", as well as a great example of how a submissive is able to commit, hand over power with trust as his/her guide and the "awesome" responsibility that is bestowed to their Dominants...Alright, I've reached my "awesome" quota for the next 10-months...Ciao for now!

Well we have a new President!? Many are happy and hopeful, while many are disheartened and sad over this outcome.? This is a new day, and be what it may...we have to move on now reunite, and start to do what we need to do.? The REAL thing here are the facts:? We are in crisis, We need change for the better, and We need it NOW.? What we've been going through wasn't working so well.? It's more than just the war, our horrible economy and expanding poverty, and the cost of living all around.? How to overcome all this?? How do we set things right?? How do we repair?? America needs to clean up internally...corruption in the government will only serve to halt that.? You need to clean the engine to make the motor go.? So hopefully we can make more changes by policing this darker side of government:? Lobbyist and politicians that operate with personal greed in their hearts.? We need to really take a look and make changes across the board...let's clean the house before we can say we can make it better. ? ?

Respect:? Got to give it to get it.? Demanding respect will not get you that respect, it'll get you something less.? Respect is not a showing of weakness as some may think it is.? Respect is acknowledgment of another either in position or status within a civil manner.? The mistake that Dominants make, is when they feel that giving or showing respect to a submissive makes them LESS dominant.? While a submissive shows respect to a Dominant by acting accordingly, a Dominant can learn from that example.? A Dominant can show and teach and grow through and by example as well.? We are two sides of the same coin...one ying to another's yang.? And I know that you've heard that before...then it stands to reason that when it comes to a coin, do you find one side being more valuable than the other? ? Is one side more important than the other?? Sometimes you may find that you give-off respect and in return you will have respect given-on to you.? If you base your relationship on respect, then trust will follow, and from there you can branch out.? If you like abuse, then wouldn't you like it more from someone you respected and they respect you as well?? (More to come on this I'm sure...)

Daylight Savings Time:? "What are you going to do with that extra hour?"? A good question and I didn't have a definite answer but a few ideas.? Well when I came online and started up things, I had an IM from a friend from years ago ask me how I was.? He was an old friend, and had heard that time wasn't being so good to him, but he was maintaining as best he could.? I'd known him and his slave for such a long time, and though they lived in different states and with different circumstances they would someday be together as one.? Their love and devotion to each other is so strong, but they for whatever reason (all valid as well) can't be together yet.? I'm rooting for them and hope it happens soon.? Time is not always with us.? Time is a bitch beyond our concept of the full meaning of that word.? So I spent my hour responding to that 4-word question of how I was doing...I'll probably spend a little more thinking about deeper things as well from that question and from my response.? So how are you spending your "extra hour" today???

Happy Halloween! For all of our Druidic, old Celtic and Pagan friends dancing naked in the moonlight, make sure to take some vitamin-C first...Samhain may be strong, but you're still going to catch a cold.? Be naked responsibly.? And for the rest of you baking? "Soul-cookies" like good people should for All Saints Day tomorrow, hang in there....tomorrow's going to be a better day.

The Power of Music:? I found at an early age, that music and power were linked so tightly.? In rock we have the "power chord"...a charged up and very efficient chord that uses the bare minimum of notes to achieve the maximum amount sound.? Tonally, it's a strong way to get your point across.? Music is a mood-setter, and has a way of plying our minds and will towards a myriad of emotions.? That is why we use it to woo our objects of affection, stir feelings of solidarity, comfort us in sorrow, accompany us into battle, and provide a soundtrack from everything that we experience in life.? Something that powerful, emotional, and psychologically stirring becomes an aid as well as a tool when it comes to our life in BDSM.? We utilize and harness this power to draw from or tune into our inner strengths...to focus what we have sometimes with laser-like quality and process that outwardly in some manifestation of response.? In psychology, this is a "Stimulus and response" behavior.? Very natural, not unlike music itself.? Something primal in us all comes out no matter how civilized we may think ourselves to be...put a good beat, or stirring rhythm...and we'll all feel like moving.? Now THAT is power.?

I was looking through the airlines for flights down South to see the family inbetween the major holidays coming up, and I was surprised that either availability or the airline's offerings were a bit tricky. I know that gas is not cheap and airlines are suffering. I'm suffering too when I'm asked to pack whatever the rule is today concerning TINY liquid things in their original containers...yes I don't want terrorists using my cologne to blow up the plane, it's just finding the TINY original containers to begin with...Hey! now there's a market for that now isn't there? Something to think about.... And I have the name: "The 3oz or Less Store"! I can even do the dollar store version: "Everything You Can Hide In A Dollar Store" (because it's to little...get it? .....Hello.....is this thing on?) Okay maybe I should check my bloodsugar now. Have a good day...I mean it!

Common Denominators: Domination -> To Dominate -> To Control (or Take Charge). Submission -> To submit -> To allow (or give permission). The submissive gives allowance to the Dominant who takes charge in order to make whole the D/s experience. I read about "who's in control" and such a lot, but the real matter is not who is in control but when is one in control? Both are and both are not at all times. To initiate control over another in this lifestyle, the submissive has to relinquish power or will over to the Dominant in the way of consent. It's the submissive in control at that point (and yes there is that reserve of control throughout the majority of D/s relatioinships which will be pointed out). The Dominant at this point ASSUMES control and creates the relationship bond that we have come to know in D/s so fondly. Now for the majority of D/s'ers out there, there is a thing called a 'safe word'. You may not think you have one, but there are verbal and non-verbal safewords (the non-verbal ones not only include gestures made on your part, but also from your body langauge that a good Dominant will pick up on). This is that reserve of control that is still in possession of the submissive. That is the reality of the majority of our mainstream (Yes we have a mainstream) of consciousness within the BDSM community. Control, like permission is given, and just as easily taken back.?? It's not usually done (if the Dominant is making the experience so wonderful), but it's still there just in case.? Just something to think about...

Behavior: Do we behave based on our past experiences or do we behave due to what our environment is dictating to us? I'd like to say both... We tend to repeat those things that we enjoy and avoid those things which we find otherwise. Freud and Skinner would both agree on that point for the most part, but how we arrived at the decision would be where they might a little heated.? But in anycase, let's look at how we behave around others.? Let's say we dropped the pretentions and assumed behaviors for a moment.? Why be stereotypical when you feel that is how you are expected to behave?? Perpetuating a stereotype is not healthy whether it's in the lifestyle or not.? Be yourself, not what others expect you to be.? I'm not talking protocol now, I'm talking about root behavior.? Protocol is expected behavior in specific modes.? Think about how you behave around others in this lifestyle...Do you put on aires?? Do you actually feel that you have to be superior over everyone second to God?? Are you suposed to be a bitch to all but your Master?? Your dynamic between you and your Master is yours totally, but does? your behavior include an awful attitude towards all else?? What one may think, is that you release your frustrations out on all else, while suppressing them around your significants.? Not healthy and not a good outlook that others will have towards? you once they get a taste of the vile the spews out when one is behaving like that.........On the other hand, a good communication point would be to work at being equal to all in your behavior and that will at least give way to stability.? That may mean that you work out your frustrations properly at the source of that frustration, be kind to your Master as well as others.? Afterall, you are setting an example not only of? yourself, but of your Significants...Masters and Mistresses. ? I'm not forgetting the other side of the coin...I'll talk about that next time.

I'm so liking the Fall season so far!? Yes, I know it's only been a couple of days officially, but still...? Best part is, I can wear my boots and feel comfortable in them (Just not a boot person in the warmer months).? Why is it that the best time of the year is the shortest season of the year?? Well, it makes it only that more precious I suppose...

Music is an important part of my life and I'm happy that I'm taking the time out of my schedule to include more of it in my daily living. Oh I listen the radio, try to avoid getting caught singing at a redlight (you know what I mean and you know who you are...), but I've been neglecting my instruments. So now I'm making sure there's a guitar handy and out in the open while I'm home, and when I have a moment pick it up.

I'd be happier if I actually had the time to get back into a band situation. The stress relief from doing that would be tremendous! But so far, when I do look in the ads for bands I'm not finding much to go on. I'd probably play drums though if I got into a group, since I've been playing those longer than the guitar. Besides, it gives me something to hit on...AND maybe get paid? Oh yes.

But seriously, these days my stress level is pinned all the way; and it seems like it's not going to subside very soon if I don't make some radical changes. It's the unknown that usually makes us pause for a second, and the storm on the horizon doesn't help matters. I can see that work needs to change, but moving on to another job these days is risky in it's own right. So it's a delimma that I have to work through. But I got off track...

I'm going to set a goal to play more each day, but I'm also going to start working on creating music for myself like I used to, but this time I feel an urge to try and create mood music for D/s. A lofty notion that one...But not unheard of! So I'm working on concepts and perhaps work on instrumental tone-paintings with a dramatic beat. Too soundtracky?

I hope not. I want to have a freeform music that inspires sensuality, other-worldness, and makes you want to hit or get hit (OK all you Danzig fans...settle down! I'm not talking mosh pit proportions here).?? We'll see.

Spiritual BDSM.? One of the classes that I took at The Floating World touched on this subject.? At first, I was getting the same sort of feeling when I was a kid and the Jehova's Witness people would come by and start their pitch and I hadn't learned to not answer the door...(I wouldn't tell them off since they were elders, and I was too young), hence a little queezy on the whole thing.? It took a couple of days for the concept to soak in a little before I internally addressed this notion.? Now granted, I am interested in the metaphysical as well as the paranormal, but what this person was suggesting was a little hard for me to even think about:? Being in control and giving up control simultaneously in a scene...or like that.? Well let's face it, I have control issues.? One of the reasons I have never really drank (not even socially) was because I didn't want to lose control.? The same with drugs.? I don't like the idea of that at all in any context, but I'm still grasping at the concept of what the instructor was trying to convey.? Very interesting though.? The idea that one can root themselves in the here and now, as well as put their selves into a trance-like state and do a little "floating" themselves like subspace, but more accurately "Domspace".? Kind of like being in two places at once...And who wouldn't want that?? Take care.

Focus and empathy are important aspects of play (at least for me).? I like to have focus, and believe that the submissive should also be focused on something as well at times.? Yes, all you sub-space babes out there just want to float and fly off in your heads, but you know sometimes it's not bad staying here on Earth a little longer while you're in the ropes...? You can have fun here too!? I like to think of a certain state of mind as a "twighlight state" just on the edge of floating, just on this side of sub-space.? Sort of a euphoria that gives you that heady feeling and yet aware of what is going on...hearing movement and depth of sound in a room you're in.? A slight breeze in a tender area that reminds you of being exposed to the elements as well as your Dom/me.? Maybe that little caress as you start to tremble from the severe whipping that has you just about to fly off inside.? Grasping at the mist so to speak.?

Empathy is good for us all.? I can feel for you that frustration from not getting the proper sexual release that you've been lusting after while being played with.? The slight fear that the next swat will be a monster that will bring a sweat over you like a swedish sauna, or that little moan that betrays your love/hate relationhip with a series of well-placed open handed spankings in an already tender area... thank you!???

To read your sub or Dominant while in play is a constant dialogue of non-verbal negoitation.??? We don't share some of our feelings so directly, but we are still communicating through many channels.? Body langauge, and sounds.? Also there is this unseen aura of electrical energy that we sometimes pick up like meter might, that tells us there is contentment, joy, fear, anger, lust, and a host of other basic feelings that transfer over to the empathist.? Subtle to obtruse, it's about the vibes you pick up from others during different times of interaction.? Ciao for now!

More on Floating World:? I see that the Star Ledger ran an article about the event.? This is a fine example of how things look different for different people.? Of course SL did a little slanted/skewed/sensationalized piece that didn't focus on the event overall, but somehow tied it in to current controversial events happening (detainees down in Qitmo....beautiful), and missed the point of the event as well as the lifestyle altogether.

So the 'Vanillas' come to condemn this event much to the grins of SL who feel that this is groundbreaking-just-like-Watergate-good news about the corrupted world of BDSM, with all it's sordid glory showing itself among the loving family-oriented Edison, NJ community.? Well it wasn't held in a church or elementary school, it was held in an area not frequented by children let alone easily accessible to children or families for that matter.? I personally feel that the Edison authorities and the powers that be there should be commended for their open minded and progressive thinking? towards a grossly misunderstood part of society that isn't so sinister and awful as it's made out to be as it is in the media.?

So SL didn't do us any favors, it was great that members for the Sexual Freedom group had a little say in this article and I applaud SL for that, but to focus on the interrogation aspect was too narrow.? I could have picked any number of other things that would have been more fair.? So at our lifestyle's expense, we must endure more negative feelings from the vanilla world that has been fueled with misinformation and a bad angled slant.?? Well I'm off to get a copy of the Courier News now....

Floating World:? Loved it!? I urge you to try to make it to the next one if you didn't get the chance this year.? This past one reminded me of the TESfest back in 2006...
Decent classes with some variety and this time, there was an improved use of space with an eye and ear to putting the classrooms as far away from the more noisier classes going on at the same time.? Excellent, because it's hard for someone to teach about sensory deprivation while a whip class is breaking a lot of new leather right next door with a curtain between you...so they did a fantastic job this time.??

For those that did make it this year, I hope your time there was wonderful, and hopefully you take something back with you the enriches you in the future.? For some, it was the first time they played in public, for others it was? reconnecting with others in the lifestyle, or re-affirming / confirming that they were fine and not alone in their kink, as well as celebrating this fact.? The environment is good, and the coordinators worked especially hard this year I know...I volunteered, and could see how tired they all were by the end of the event.? I want to thank them for that and the privilege in allowing me to help out in this event which I am more than happy to do since part of this gives me the change to be apart of something that can have a positive impact on other's lives as the first event I ever went to did with me personally.

I'll write more on this later...

Hello from Maine...
I'm on vacation now for a week, and it has been just what I needed to relax a little from a stressful job that I've been at for over a year and four-months without a real break.? I've been working for so long and tremendous hours for nearly 20-years at this one place without ever having the chance to see what was near-by.? Coming from down South, I was amazed how someone could travel from state to state so quickly!? I covered four states in one day and it was still only lunch-time...

I've never gotten to travel much since I started this job, and have never travelled above NYC really.? So to come up this way was really a first for me.? It has been a series of first for me everyday so far.? Haven't had lobster in 25-years, so I'm claiming "technical-virgin" on that one (but it was my first N.E. clam-bake today).? I've been to Caddilac Mountain, and will be sailing tomorrow on my first sailing ship ever.? So it's been good to say the least.? Best thing is that everyone is so nice and polite (as opposed to my Doctor when he checks my cholestorol level...yes I'm waiting for about 3-weeks before he gets a chance for that so buy Cheerio's stock, I've got to get this level down).?

I'll be stopping by a couple more states before getting back into NJ soon.? On Wednesday, the Lobster Festival starts (I know I'm pushing it...but the lobster rolls are almost too good to pass up as well as the chowder), so I'm in deep trouble.? Beautiful place:? I could really get used to this area, but I would have to just stay out of the cold as much as I could...how to swing that?? Check back with? y'all soon...

Hello All, it's been a while since I have had the time to put anything into the journal.? I've been thinking about ritual and protocol lately.? For some, ritual is the glue that keeps one going.? For others it's the Protocol that keeps everything in place.? Which is it for you? Ritual or Protocol...maybe a little of both? ??

I've met those that feel Protocol is the only thing that matters, and I can respect that.? I feel that this is a form of ritual.? Ritual on the other hand is a particular set of actions that are designed to bring things into an acceptable environment.? One is neither stronger than the other.? But both are equally as important if you have either or both in your life.? More later...

I hope all of you little kinksters are keeping as cool as you can during these hot days.? Hydrate as much as possible...and have fun! ?

Balance:? In D/s relationships as well as in the vanilla world, we are what we give...and what we take.? The submissive doesn't just give, and the Dominant isn't just a taker.? There needs to be some balance not only on this level, but for other things as well that make up a good, healthy perspective on a person's self and how they interact with and around others.? Like in any dance, one will tend to lead and the other follow, but it isn't just the leader that makes this happen...once in a while during the dance, the leader will relinquish somewhat and the follower will then exert something into the dance before the leader takes over again.? A good leader needs to trust as much as the follower relies on that trust to make the dance what it is:? harmony.? Harmony isn't just sound, movement, or even emotion.? It's a form of balance:? it's integrial in bringing things into that "it just feels right" place. ? ? ?

Power exchanges:? I really love the idea that we are beings with all sorts of power!? We have electrical impulses generated chemically that govern our behavior and total muscle control and other very vital things...things that we don't even think about consciously.? We have power from our bodies design that allows us to move and to move things and others, nearly defying the laws of natural science like gravity.? We even have the power to generate heat (thermal dynamics).?

We also have more than just the physical power within us, we have a viral and more figurative force inside that is as important as the corpreal.? This is where the mind-set plays, and where submission and dominance get their workouts.? A wonderful state to reside in, but we are talking about power now....(focus, focus).?

Submissives have power, and Dominants "borrow" that power adding to their own...? It's the submissive that "submits" thereby giving her or his power over to the Dominant who will keep it with the bond of trust.? If that bond is broken, then that power can be taken back.? And we don't want that!? Other things can contribute to the power exchange as well as break it.? Relationships forge bonds, trust, caring, honesty and compatibility...and so much more are all factors in the power exchange.?

Unless the submissive willingly offers that power to their Dominant(s), then it really isn't a power exchange is it?? Probably would be considered against some sort of civil and criminal laws, and earn you some handcuffs and more that you just won't like as much as your own...? Making all sorts of new friends with a different lifestyle of their own that has nothing to do with safe, sane, and consentual.?

Rejoice in the fact that we have those guidelines to live by.? Rejoice in the concept that our submissives want to give over that precious power for us Dominants to have and hold so dearly with the responsibility we are entrusted with...? The ying and the yang of it is that hopefully we are intelligent to understand that without this power exchange happening, the rest really doesn't matter so much.?

Just something to think about....Until next time!

RESPECT: This is not just for submissives and slaves, but for Dominants, Masters/Mistresses, Tops, and bottoms. We tend to forget that we are more than just labels, and kinky entities...we are people as well. Wether you think you were born who you prefer to be at present, or were the product of a series of environmental influences that brought you to your current state of being...you're still an individual with feelings and emotions. Even the lowest of creatures in this lifestyle's hiearchy, still deserve some form of common respect.

Nope: I don't feel any older...
But my back's a little stiff, I'm not liking that new music AKA racket on the radio (Not enough Led Zepplin when songs really meant something..."squeeze my lemon...."), and dammit: Why is that VRC... I mean VCR not working right like it used to?! (Hobbles off mumbling and waving his cane in the air...)

Well today is my birthday...time to change that age thing in my profile, and profess some sort of maturity.? I love birthdays with a passion, but you know I'm going to get that "Well do you feel any older?" or something like that today (I'll let y'all know later)...? For the record, I don't feel older today, but I'm happy it's here.? We'll see how OTHERS feel about me being 'older'.? What sort of effect does this have on how others view you?? I don't see much of a change, but with each passing year; a new standard is set for someone by other's views on aging.? One day I'll be an old man, some day further; I'll be an old man in my own eyes...which makes the more significant difference?? All I know is that I'm doing fine!? One day my mental age will catch up to my physical age, and I might actually be surprised on what I find.? But until then...

Well finally it's May! I really love May... May is my Birth-month. A time of Taurus. The only month with 3 letters in it. I was born on the 5th day of the 5th month, and it was a good day (all except for that spanking I took just as I said my "Hello"...yes I know you submissives just perk up when the word spank comes to light)...and no warm-up either! (double-perk from a few more...you wonderful little pain-sluts!!). I took it like a good Dom and just wailed like uh....baby.?
So now I have to get in there and change my year on the profile again...48. Some may cringe placing a hefty price on the numbers, but really time puts numbers on...and that's a good thing. I love my birthdays completely! It's a time close to Mother's Day (VERY appropiate in my case for sure!), and the world up here in the North is just getting back into looking spectacular with a lot of "new-green" sprouting up. So what is there not to like right now? And I get presents?! (Yes you submissives may go right straight to the "Birthday" Spanking thing ... (always with the spanking! S P A N K I N G ! ... really I just like the thought of people squirming).
? Well, anyway I'm feeling good about things, and hope that y'all are feeling good about things today as well! Until next time...

Happiness: Take a moment, and spend it with me to consider where one can find happiness even for just a second. It doesn't have to be the "Perfect Moment" or nirvana-squared...just a decent moment. Within that moment you can probably find some "perfect moment" within that which could leave you feeling a? little contented version of happiness. Those add up by the way...

This moment can be vanilla or BDSM related, and just go over it slowly and look for the perfect part of it. Each moment is like a sphere, and inside that sphere is a micro-cosm inside it where this thing I want you to tap into lays and most likely you'll get that feeling of happiness in some form. It can come from how your immediate environment is, or from a more immediate situation that you find yourself in.? Either way, the realization is the best part...I'd say almost serendipitous if not completly so. ? OK, story time....

One morning, I woke up just before the dawn, and took a look around. It was quiet, nothing I had to do to promote a mad dash around the place. I was rested, comfortable, and content. Within a minute, I saw the rays of the Sun start to peek through the window...and I could feel the air coming through the window was not too cold or obtrusive. Everything was just right at that moment. It was a sphere of contentment and happiness that was in itself a perfect moment. I was just as happy to realize it and experience it fully at that time...A moment that lingered outside of normal time it seems.

My submissive stirred and I was pulled back into the now-time but with that residual happiness that I was hoping to share or transfer over to her. It was my desire to wake her with warmth and pleasure, and my touches reflected that effort. She started to open her eyes, but closed them again as I started to make a little "perfect moment" for her. Soon I would be turning from caresses and kisses to bites and more. Soon I would hold her down with my body while I began a few mild strokes with my hand on her behind...

Yes kids: BEFORE coffee (gasp!!). Hey it can happen more than you think. She did have a wonderful time waking up like that, and I didn't get maimed or anything due to no coffee in her system. I think her happiness moment was when I was spanking her in the early morning with the sunshine filling the room, warming us on the bed, and there was this almost goofy smile on her where I hoped there'd be...content as can be. For the rest of the day (after more play and activities of which I choose not to share at this time), I had a bubbly, giggly, happy sub that was having just one continuous perfect moment which added to my first time out of time moment as well.

Point is, even the most mundane points in time, have the potential to be in the "Top 10" of personal moments that are beyond precious, and will never experience the same way again, but hopefully just as important and fulfilling. Be on the lookout for these things... they are worth it. Cherish it. Live it. Love it. Until next time: I wish you every major and little happiness that finds you...

Well it's been nearly a month since my last entry into this journal.? I've been busy during this time with work things...too many work things really.? But it's now Friday going into Saturday, and I'm finally getting to feel much better now that it's starting to warm up!? Being up here in New Jersey for these many years, I'm still not accustomed to the weather like some feel I should be.? I'm beginning to think that will never happen.?

I'm originally from Florida, and the next thing on your minds is either:? "why move up NORTH?!" , or "he must be crazy...".? Well the reason as to why I moved up North is a long one, and if I'm crazy; well the jury is still out on that one.? I will tell you this:? I have a deep respect for Jersey, and I also have this I found that may help explain it well...it's a link to a website called "The Pork Roll Express" (A very New Jersey thing BTW)...so please check it out:

http://www.porkrollxpress.com/newstore/pages.cfm?ID=21

what you'll find there is a little thing entitled:? "Ode to New Jersey", plus more than you'll probably want to know about porkroll.? Hope you like it and let me know what you think!? Now if I can just find one for the "homestate", then I'm set!? Until next time...

As I venture onto this website, I see so many frustrated submissives here whose profiles start with what obviously is a prolonged exposure and response to past relationships or dealings here that have left them hurt or jaded to the general population of the "Dom gene-pool".? Unfortunately, there are a lot of individuals out there that tend to pretense themselves as Dominants when they are more along the lines of predators and users that feel that the attentions of a submissive is easy pickings.? Far from the truth.?

True that the devotion and submission is usually a "total being" essence that a submissive or slave offers, it is a passion and not low self-esteem situation.? Users and abusers feel that submissives are all to eager to fall at the feet of anyone that will allow them any attention...take abuse and exist to be used anyway they see fit.? Problem is that these people without a clue, have it all wrong.? They are not capable of a D/s relationship let alone a vanilla one.? Socially misfit in the ways of interpersonal relations.? Sad but true.

It's hard to tell the wanna-be from the actual thing.? Some are just starting and are spreading their wings too soon.? Some are just here to prey on good submissives and are selfish to anyone's benefit but their own.? Some are just criminal and deranged, and making victims out of us all.? I know it's usually too late to tell these individuals apart, but please just use caution and maybe we can start policing the worst from the best and the new.? We thrive on communication, so let's communicate (not do a witch hunt) with eachother and make this place and lifestyle better for us all.? ?

I want to take a moment to let it be known how much I appreciate all the nice, kind and sincere comments and replies I've gotten from individuals on this site.? All this re-affirms what I know to be true about for nearly everyone I've had the pleasure to encounter in the lifestyle and how they treat eachother.?? This prompts me to share something about me:

My first BIG gathering that I experienced where everyone there was in the lifestyle, came about 2-years ago; at the TES-fest of '06.? Not only was I amazed at the variety and diversity of those gathered there, but I was also taken on how proud and gracious everyone was...how happy everyone was to be there, and the most important feeling that came over me was that I felt completely peaceful and at home.? I usually don't feel that in many places, and the revelations I experienced were at times nearly overwhelming!? To have so many people there celebrating and sharing so openly what I had kept private for so many years, illed me with? a mixture of elation,? joy, amazment, all wrapped up in this surrealistic package...at times I felt weak in the knees from the thought of this multitude of individuals all gathered, focused, and open.?
I went to many workshops, I wandered around the market place, I even played public for the first time there...even closed the dungeon there once...all in a place that I spent so much time there in a vanilla capacity for other events...knowing that within a few days, this place would go back to being the cold, boring, unpersonal place it was...but for NOW it was very much alive as I was feeling!

I sometimes start to feel that again while I'm on this site and interact with others here.? We tend to be classified by those not in the lifestyle as degenerates, low-brow, dangerous people...feared and puzzled by many on why would we do anything like this to others and ourselves?? We are for the most part enlightened, intelligent, and educated people.?? I feel that we as people can understand the meaning of respect (I certainly wish the others on the highway going to work knew that better...)? and YES I'm preaching to the choir on this, but I just wanted to let you that I'm thankful and blessed to have gotten to know you ALL in some fashion or manner.?? Until next time....

Non-Verbal Communication: We should all know that communitcation is one of the most key factors within this lifestyle, and as humans we should know that there are many ways to communicate.? More than just words!? You can communicate with your body...eyes, hands, head position, posture, just about any body part and including how you breathe are ALL indications of what's going on inside and how you're communicating (Body Language).? We as people rely on this as much as the animals do.? We make decisions and judgements concerning others around us from this sort of communication, and in doing so YOUR body sends off some communication as well:? a slight stiffening of the body will say to the other person that a wall has just come up or surprise depending on the context of what brought that response on.? Dominants rely on this non-verbal communication heavily some for obvious reasons...we have to develop reading skills becasue sometimes you the submissive are not able to vocalize with words at the time due to restrictions we may place (gags, silence orders, etc), or on your own when you become zoned into "head-space" or "sub-space" or whatever you may call that euphoric state of altered consciousness.? We depend on this communication because we want to make certain that we are not only doing the right thing, but are concerned with the entrustment of the submissive's being at the time in the most intimate of manners.? We also LOVE the responses we get!? We live for those moans and grunts and that bearing down to take in that last swat of the cane or spanking to process the pain and be ready for another oh-so willingly...
Submissives rely on this non-verbal body talk as well.? To read your Dominant's thoughts and state of being is utmost.? You want that person happy and cared for...pleased.? A happy Dominant is a Dominant that will pay GOOD attention to you.? We may try to hide our body talk with looks of sterness, and sometimes the eyes will say to you many things (I've seen many submissives searching frantically to read me while I'm looking at them...understandable since I'm not very vocal at times, but once you get to know me...it's not that hard).? Sometimes it's just a caress or some other light touch that says volumes to a submissive.? Others may know when there's a change in their Dominant's breathing or posture that will either convey something is wrong or something is REALLY right (somtimes hard to tell the differnce isn't it?), but in anycase it's good to learn how to read your partners.? And sometimes the best part of this learning is not asking outright, but observing and WITHOUT words finding their inner-voice of non-verbal communication.?

Idealist vs. Realism:? We want to live the fantasy world that we've all read about.? Sometimes we get close, and for others compromises have to be made...and that is what most of us deal with day-to-day.? Compromises don't make us any less kinky and not BDSMers.? We do have reality to contend with.? We can still be depraved and still have a day-job.? Get your kink when you can.

For those of us that are independently wealthy and do not need to work or have responsibilities except to what to spend on next or vacation one-more-time in Aruba or somewhere, first off that is all fine and dandy...good for you!? For the rest of us, we strive and work hard to get our leathers and toys.? For those that have it handed to them...can you appreciate those things like the ones that worked hard for it?? I hope so.? I don't hold it against you, but sometimes I do have an issue with vanity where it has to be pushed out there like a status thing...not too much envy here.?

But alas, praise to you the middle-class with already enough on your backs that you can take some time out and have fun.? As we slip into this recession day-by-day, we can always feel good that kink is recession-resistant!? Though our gear might wear out some while in these times of despair, we'll be just fine.? And THAT is reality while keeping the idealism alive...

RESPECT: It's a great song, it's an even better concept... We tend to think that submissives are the only ones with that commodity at times, and that is just an untruth! We get what we give. You've heard that phrase in the context of respect, but it applies to this lifestyle as well. Some Dominants feel that respect is only reserved for the submissives and subservant to have only to the Dominant...but what about the other side of the coin? Do you submissives desire respect from your Dominants? Would it make them any less formidable and intimidating to have that in their mind-set in your eyes? I don't think so really...you can't be so enthralled over the idea of a mean and cruel Dominant that cares nothing for you, as opposed to a mean and cruel Dominant that respects you. I suppose that concept is left up to the submissive and his/her idea of fantasy vs. reality. It is possible to be powerful, strong, demanding and still hold respect for submissives...give it some thought. Same for you submissives as well: don't let some uncaring person take control of you! If a Dominant is there with your well-being in mind, you will trust that person...that means there is a certain amount of respect there (even though the thought of admitting it openly isn't). But learn to see the difference between the two. Letting someone that doesn't have that basic concept down is dangerous and self-abusive behavior.

What is the best sex-organ in the human body?? Why the brain of course you kinky kids!? The brain is the only organ in all the rest that is aware of it's self.? When you stop and think about it, the play that you do, the fantasies that get you aroused, and the signals that send to the rest of your body that climax is just a few whatevers away, can be attributed to the wonderful brain.? So take care of your sex-organ and it will take care of you!? Just a quick thought...

I know we are not to openly give criticism of others on this site, so I'll just make it general. There are some common-sense and logical rules to follow in this dance we call BDSM. One of these is really for both sides of the coin: KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO. For the subs/slaves reading this, you're probably thinking that once you zoon into sub-space, head-space, or such; you've already given up all control and shouldn't have to be aware. AGREED! What I'm talking about here concerns BEFORE you get to that point, and not with a trusted partner, Dominant or Owner...but with unknowns and brand-spanking new partners and potential partners in the midst.

We all know there are users, predators, and wanna-bes out there who THINK they are Dom, or just feel that you wonderful submissives are easy prey to be taken advantage of and abused accordingly by a leech such as them...due to the belief that subs are easy, have low self-esteem, and are easy marks. While we as humans may have self-esteem issues, that is not a requirement for our subs/slaves. And if you DO have self-esteem issues, then do something about it. Talk to sister / brother kindred kinkers and get that support you need to get straight (this means fellow submissives or Dominants). Or seek professional help. Don't abuse yourself! BDSM is more than abuse or self-abuse.

Don't get me wrong, there are people in the submissive/slave ranks that are just as abusive and manipulative, considered predators as well. Not professional submissives/slaves, but those using the guise of a sub/slave to gain access to good people and take advantage of them like a common con-man. The good-nature of good people in this lifestyle unfortunately opens us up for this sort of behavior. I've started noticing people on here warning others of these sort of people, which may be frowned upon by some, and is an invaluable service to a good portion of us. We need to weed-out and not protect these "people" that are abusive to others both sub and Dom in our lifestyle. Please think about that and take it to heart! We'll talk more...

TAKING YOURSELF WAY TO SERIOUSLY:
I'm really trying to find one instance where this could be a benefit to one's self. There are those in this lifestyle that thrive on this sort of behavior for whatever reason, thinking that this makes them more of something than they really are. This is a form of faking it (yes Capt. Obviously reporting), and what I want to clear up is that there is a difference in BEING serious and taking yourself too seriously. It's sort of an issue of CONFIDENCE I feel.

Being able to laugh at one's self is confidence. You can be Dominant and still have the confidence to find humor in not only others and situations, but inward as well. I feel a healthy relationship on whatever level not only with concern to others, but to one's self is vital to have that element of being able to step back and not be fearful of some driving self-image only found in fiction that prevents being able to laugh at one's self. We are only human.

If you live this life and this lifestyle towards youself and others too seriously, then your ego will consume the better qualities you have in you. Your ego will not allow you or anyone to see the humor in yourself, and it's then where others are not laughing WITH you...but at you. You don't need to act like a bad-ass whatever to be a bad-ass whatever. Just be yourself and see what happens. Your true self if more interesting and others will respect you more in this manner.

Now this means that I hope I shared to enlighten and I made a valid and valuable point, or I'm channeling Dr. Phil in a kinky way....yikes! I'll let you decide, and feel free to comment anytime (no matter what) anytime.

Is it me, or is there somebody in the newspaper media getting their fetish on in some recent ads that I saw in the NY Post (and I presume in other papers as well)? Jordache jeans had an ad where a topless model was facing a full-length mirror (boobs with mysteriously erased nipples), holding what appears to be a crop behind her back. OK, I'm sure for even some vanillas...BDSM recruitment? I think so! Then one page away, is what seems to be a victorian play party of buxom (always wanted to use that word in a sentence) women partaking of a snack off a plate from a young man in Rocky Horror gold lame' shorts contorted like a table. Sure, good wholesome fun! What's next S&M Tupperwear? We can only hope...

CNJboy4Dom Male Submissive, 38, Monmouth County, New Jersey	cnjbottom Male Submissive, 49, Edison, New Jersey	CNJsubObject Male Submissive, 45, Bridgewater, New Jersey	CNJBrownBear Dominant Couple, 51, Metuchen, New Jersey
CNJBiGuy71 Male Switch, 45, Sayreville, New Jersey	cnjoralslave Male Submissive, 47	cnjsub4u Male Submissive, 58, Union, New Jersey	cnjcuck Male Submissive, 72, Edison, New Jersey
cnjcuck4U Male Submissive, 66, Edison, New Jersey	CNJobedientsub Male Submissive, 60	cnjlady Female Dominant, 38	cnjsubbbbb Female Submissive, 56

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