I have been enjoying my summer break.

I am so glad that I finally have time to get out and see everyone again. I have made several coffee meets, APEX meetings, and recovery meetings. I also get so many physical therapy visits a year, as part of my supportive care. I have been making those appointments as well. I like to finish them during the breaks between semesters. I also have seen my sociologist several times. She starts to get crazy if I do not talk to her every once in a while. I think she is doing better and is on the mend. 

I took at Physics 112 class for my summer one session and am so glad that it is over. I managed to pass it. I am glad I did, because, I hate to have to take that class again. Being a true masochist I singed up for differential equations, micro economics, physics 121-with calculus, and a beginners yoga class. I am not sure I could do the yoga. I did buy a mat though, and will count that as a start.

I have had a great summer though, it is much better than last years summer. Last year my mother passed away in some second rate nursing home. It was a long drawn out drama filled event. With plenty of family bickering and character assassinations. I regret that I committed some of the assassinations. I just was so frustrated. My mother was always bat shit crazy and abusive. The last several years of her life they had to put her on four different phycological medications. These helped her immensely, I wish she had them when I was growing up. When she was well she would go on about how she did not want to be put on life support. She did not want to be ivy feed food, unless there was a chance of full recovery. She was 85 and tired and just wanted to go when it was her time. 

Her time came but the person with the power of attorney ordered them to revive her. The drama came in because she did a living will that this person seems to of lost. In that will she stated she did not want to be revived. This person was delusional and thought that a 85 year old woman would just bounce back from a near death experience. My mother had fibromyalgia, shogun syndrome, had part of her foot amputated, diabetes, and survived two strokes. It was not like she was jogging in the park, enjoying life to the fullest. As a result she had to go through six weeks of hell before she finally passed. I did not like my mother for all the hell she put me though, but I would not have wished her last six weeks on anyone. She deserved to be allowed to pass with some dignity and grace. She was a permeant resident at the Veterans hospital. She had her own room. The nurses, and staff seemed to really care for her. She also had set up potential hospice care, I mean to say the paperwork at the V.A. stated that if the end is near, she wanted hospice care. She did not get hospice care at all were she was at.

It was very painful for me to see her like this. She was a church going catholic and used to sing in the choir. So I would go see her and say the rosary with her. She was not able to communicate much. When she did she would just say she was in pain, or wanted to go. Somehow no matter how rough or bad things got for her the person with the power of attorney looked at it all through rose colored glasses. I would even sing some old songs to her. Every once in a while she would recognize a pray or song and repeat a few words and smile. Then once I thought I had her on the line I ask her something and all I would get is static. 

I apologize I started to write a blog about all the cool stuff I have done this summer and I seemed to have taken a wrong turn and wrote this instead. This does not have much to do with the lifestyle or dating. I must have needed to let this go. I thought I was over it all. Missing my mother is like missing a very bad rash, but I do miss her. 

I apologize for not attending may local events lately. I have been a bit overwhelmed with life lately. I signed up for to many hard classes in one semester. I am taking calculus, physics, and chemistry this semester. Chemistry and physics both have three hour labs. On top of that my roommate has moved out and am taking advantage of this by doing some work on my house. 

I miss you all. I would attend some local coffee meets or parties but am to exhausted and mentally drained. The times that I have available to work with a tutor all seem to conflict with my usually times for socializing. 

I hope to see you all soon