chuck123

Male Submissive, 51, Sioux City, Iowa

Male Switch, 56

Male Switch, 47, Warren, Michigan

I was recently approached about how to get started in BSDM in a D/s relationship.? As I have stated many times before, on this site and others, open communications and trust are required as the solid foundation for an incredibly successful partnerships. Usually the hardest part of introducing BDSM into a partnership is talking about it in the first place.? Since we are on this site, the hardest obstacle has been met! Alicia Guinn wrote this sometime ago and parallels my thoughts: So how do you get started exploring BDSM?? For many people, the biggest obstacle to introducing BDSM into a sexual relationship is bringing up the subject with a partner. It?s scary to express your desires about something that some folks consider ?sick? or ?perverted.?? First, congratulate yourself for being in touch with your fantasies. It?s hard to even know what we like in this sex-phobic culture. Then, take a deep breath and consider these suggestions: ?? 1. Talk about it. If you and your partner don?t routinely talk about sex, get into the habit. You don?t have to blurt out ?We need to talk about our sex life!? to get the ball rolling. Using sentences like ?I love it when you ________? and ?You?re so sexy when you ________? is a great way to start conversations about sex. Find vocabulary that seems right to you. It?s guaranteed that the first few sentences of your first conversation will be the hardest, but rest assured?it will get easier. ?? 2. Make a list. One of our favorite Babeland tips for kick-starting conversations about sex is the Yes/No/Maybe list. Together you and your partner write down every dirty, naughty, far-fetched sexual act you?ve ever heard of, and then each person categorizes these acts under the headings ?Yes!? I?d love to!?, ?No! I?d never ever do that!? and ?Maybe, if the conditions were right.?? You may have sexual interests in common that you?ve never explored! ?? 3. What turns you on? Explore what turns you on by reading erotica or watching porn. If you find a BDSM moment that gets you going, share it with a partner. Marking a story in a book or magazine and saying, ?I thought this was hot!? can be easier than bringing up the subject independently. ?? 4. Safety first. When partners negotiate, they usually designate a safeword. A safeword allows you to withdraw consent at any time if the action gets too intense. Some common safewords include ?red? to mean ?stop now? and ?yellow? to mean ?slow down? or ?let?s check in with each other.? ?? 5. Start small. If you want to re-create the ideal BDSM fantasy you?ve been having for years, what do you do if the fantasy involves elaborate costumes, exotic scenery, and multiple actors?? Keep it simple. Isolate one part of the fantasy that makes you hot?like a particular power dynamic or a specific action like spanking?and try out that part. ?? 6. Get all tied up. If you want to restrain your sweetie in a snap, it?s worth a small investment in a pair of nice leather cuffs. While silk scarves or metal handcuffs are tempting, both can tighten unexpectedly and restrict circulation. If you like the look and feel of rope, search for something soft and sensual at the hardware store. Don?t let your lack of a knot-tying merit badge keep you from tying each other up!? Make sure that knots aren?t too tight by using the two finger rule. You should be able to slip two fingers comfortably between the rope and your partner?s wrist or ankle. ?? 7. Brand spankin? new. Spanking is a great BDSM tool to incorporate into a current sexual relationship. The best way to start is with your hands, so you know exactly how hard you are hitting. Aim your strokes for the fleshy areas of the body that have large muscles to absorb the impact. The butt and thighs are popular choices. Avoid the kidneys, joints, feet and hands. ?? 8. Clippity clamp. Nipple clamps (also known as nipple clips) are a great way to add stimulation while keeping your hands free for more fun. And they?re not just for nipples! You can use clamps anywhere you can pinch an inch of skin. Look for adjustable clamps like Clover Clamps and Tweezer Clamps which allow you to control the amount of pressure exerted. If you?re using clamps on someone else, it?s good to remember that the most intense moment is when you remove the clamps and blood comes rushing back to the area. Source: Babeland

Rant to follow! When people stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships simply because they believe the title of slave permanently prohibits their rights to make choices for themselves, then they are just as delusional as the bozos who claim a Master has the right to kidnap or murder his slave. Pure unadulterated, dangerous BS...that's what it is... The reality... Contracts between slaves/subs and masters/dom/mes have absolutely no legal value at all, whether implied, verbal or written. As adults the law holds us responsible for own actions. We are not above the law, nor can we actually legally give up our rights. It's important that we understand this point. Anyone who thinks being a Master means they are above the law, and can kidnap, mentally or physically abuse, keep captive, or kill a slave is delusional. The relationship state we refer to as slavery in BDSM is a consensual agreement between two people, and varies according to the people involved. It can certainly be a healthy, viable relationship as long as all parties are getting their needs met. Any adult involved in a BDSM relationship must always remember that we must still function in society as legally responsible citizens.  This may not be the way some of us wish things to be but this is how it is. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

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