carasminnie

It has been 10 weeks since my annual ruined orgasm, so kindly permitted by Mistess Cara. I could finally last no longer and pleaded with her to allow me to milk myself and drain my vile liquid from my prostate.
She very kindly agreed, with the proviso that I test out some new lube samples and report back to her.
I made my preparations as usual by using my regular butt plugs before inserting the NaughtBoy massager that i use for milking.
As always simply inserting it caused a dribble to appear, as always I desperately needed to drain even more.
I have found the best way is to move around rather stay seated or lying down, so I carefully and slowly began my domestic chores, ironing my shirts, washing the dishes and hoovering. As I did so I could feel the slime leaking from my sissy clit and I carefully licked it up, Mistress Cara insists I recycle!
Finally after an hour or so the trickle of slime stopped, leaving me feeling frustrated, humiliated and totally under the control of my beloved Mistress.
I marvel at how my service to my Mistress has changed in the 4 years that I have known her, from 'conventional' BDSM sessions to being a complete full time lifestyle arrangement. I now have the honour of serving her in ways I had never imagined, with rewards far, far greater that I had ever dreamed. Outside of marriage there can be few slaves who are as lucky and privileged, or as undeserving, as I.
Thank you, Mistress Cara, thank you!!

Already nearly 6 weeks have passed since Mistress Cara so kindly permitted
me my annual ruined orgasm. So only 46 weeks to endure before my next
opportunity - if I behave and if it amuses Mistress at the time, of course.
Until then I have to endure permanent chastity, without the aid of a
chastity cage as my clit is to tiny to fit even the smallest cage.
Mistress Cara also likes to humiliate me every day by making me edge my
tiny clit until it drips, but never cums.
After a month or so of this daily humiliation, denial and submission I am
hardly able to make my useless clit hard before it feels the urge to spurt,
so I have to stop edging.
There are times when I am close to tears, of frustration, helplessness and
hopelessness.
Thankfully Mistress Cara also kindly permits me to milk my filthy slime
from time to time. So it was last night. I followed my now usual routine,
starting with my daily anal training with my butt plug. This is another
requirement of my lifelong enslavement to my beautiful Mistress, simply
because it amuses her and humiliates me even further.
I removed the butt plug and carefully inserted the NaughtyBoy prostate
massager. As always, as soon as it entered my tight hole a teardrop of
slime oozed out of my sissy clit. I relaxed and felt the vibrations on my
prostate and felt another teardrop ooze out. I longed to be able to stroke
my clit, to feel it spurt uncontrollably, but knew I had to comply with her
strict instructions.
I carefully walked arou d my room as I have found this helps produce the
most amount of slime in the shortest time. As I did so I licked up each
drop as it appeared, yet another amusement for Mistress' pleasure.
After an hour or so the teardrops dried up and I reluctantly removed the
NaughtyBoy for another few weeks.
I went to sleep feeling even more frustrated and humiliated. Better still,
I felt even more under the control of my Mistress, my Owner, the love of my
life.
Thank you, Mistress Cara, thank you for everything.

Another full year of frustration, humiliation, desperation, denial and total obedience to Mistress Cara has passed since she permitted me to have a ruined orgasm.

Once again I decided to adopt the same humiliating ritual as last year and so, with minor alterations, here is my report.  

Although I have learned to live with being denied, every day I have longed for an orgasm, especially when I have to edge my pathetically tiny clit twice every day.
I had reached the point where it was ready to spurt my sissy slime before even getting hard. Just a few strokes were enough to produce a teardrop on the end of my useless stub.
Once every six to eight weeks, Mistress Cara has allowed me to milk my prostate to drain the rancid filth. That gives no pleasure and in fact leaves me even more frustrated and humiliated. I am finally mastering the technique and managing to drain more slime each time.
Even so, as the anniversary approached I began to desperately beg my beautiful, kind, caring Owner to allow a ruined orgasm, to feel my clit pulse as it spurted the slime.
To my great relief and eternal thanks Mistress Cara gave her consent.
At the appointed time I fitted my large butt plug. If I were to be permitted an orgasm I wanted it to be as humiliating as possible, to remind me of my lowly, worthless status as a mere chattel.

As usual, the big plug had caused a tiny teardrop to appear and also made me feel more frustrated, humiliated and desperate than normal.
I made myself comfortable and could feel the plug stretching my still tight hole. Usually I cannot make my tiny clit hard when the plug is in but this time it was semi erect, seeming to know what was to come.
I made sure there was a fresh battery in my bullet vibe and turned it on. I touched it to the tip of my clit, to the very sensitive area. Within seconds I could feel the urge grow, could feel my baby balls tighten. My clit was still not hard but in less than 60 seconds I felt the slime welling up inside. I kept the bullet vibe lightly on the tip, ready to move it away as soon as I started to spurt. It was a ruined orgasm I was permitted, not a full orgasm.
Even so the slime spurted out and I desperately wanted to stroke my clit, to enhance the delightful sensation coursing through my body. It felt so good after so long, such a sweet sensation. I could feel my tight hole contracting hard onto the butt plug, clenching in time with my spurting. All too soon it was over, a big puddle of evil looking rancid yellow slime waiting for me in the saucer, one final drip hanging from my clit. I paused to catch my breath before carrying out the final humiliation.
Mistress Cara demands that I recycle every drop every time I milk. Reluctantly, feeling disgusted and humiliated I began to lick it all up, feeling the big butt plug deep inside me adding to my humiliation and sense of total and utter submission to my wonderful, amazing Mistress.
After another 365 days of denial the 60 seconds of sheer pleasure were unbelievable, even though I know the next few days will leave me feeling so frustrated and desperate.
I do not think I could ever submit to anyone in the way that I willingly submit to her.
Quite simply Mistress Cara Owns me, controls me, mind, body and soul. In return I adore her, worship her and would willingly give my life for her.

As well as carrying out my everyday chores as Mistress Cara’s live-in slave and chattel, She also gave me the task of sewing buttons back on to one of Her favorite coats.

I have never been that good at sewing, shaky hands and poor eyesight not helping, but I wanted to do my best for my beautiful Owner.

I decided to do it on Saturday, normally a more relaxed day for me and so I would be able to do the sewing while still daylight.

I completed my other tasks in the morning, including the daily ritual of edging my tiny clit.

Mistress Cara enjoys keeping me in permanent chastity, denying me even ruined orgasms. More recently She has extended the time between milking my clit. At first I was permitted to use my NaughtyBoy prostate massager every 4 weeks, more recently Mistress has allowed me to wait 6 or even 8 weeks.

As a result I am hardly able to get my sissy clit hard before I have to stop for fear of spurting uncontrollably. 

At present it has been 6 weeks since my last attempt to drain the revolting slime from my pathetic clit. It is also 49 weeks since my last ruined orgasm.

As well as edging my clit every day, Mistress Cara also enjoys making me carry out daily anal training with one of my many butt plugs.

I find both the edging and anal training deeply humiliating and frustrating, a shameful reminder that I am wholly owned and controlled by my Mistress.

I decided to combine the sewing with my anal training.

I inserted a plug into my ever tight hole and sat as comfortably as I could by the window.

I tried to concentrate on sewing the buttons back on, but with my baby balls full of slime and the butt plug stretching me it was difficult.

My sissy clit leaked a drop of slime when I put the plug in and I could feel it oozing into my girlie panties ~ another nice touch from Mistress Cara, I have had to wear girlie knickers for over 2 years now, in fact I don’t own any men’s ones now. I also have to wear a lacy peep-hole bra every day

As I shifted position to catch the light I could feel the butt plug inside me, stretching me, pushing against my prostate, making another teardrop of sissy slime ooze out. 

On their own each daily humiliation is bearable but combined they are a powerful, forceful reminder that I do not control my life, my wonderful Mistress does. They combine to leave me permanently humiliated and frustrated, denied and desperate.

It is even more poignant now that I live with Mistress Cara, knowing that She has Her real man to satisfy her every need several times a day.

Despite all, I am not bitter or resentful, quite the opposite, this surely is a dream come true for many slaves, to be able to live with and work for such a beautiful, powerful Mistress.

Thank You, Mistress, thank You for everything.

What a relief, what a blessed relief!

For the first time in weeks, I have been able to edge my tiny clit properly!

After Mistress Cara kindly permitted me to milk myself last night, I woke this morning and was able to make my sissy clit hard and bring it close to the edge as well. It felt wonderful, for once I was able to enjoy my humiliating daily ritual.

For the past few weeks I have not been able to even get it hard before the urge to spurt my rancid slime became overwhelming and I had to stop, almost as soon as I started.

It seems I am able to endure 4 – 5 weeks without milking, after that it becomes a real struggle. Unable to even edge, my clit dribbles a teardrop of filth every time I insert one of my butt plugs, another daily humiliation that Mistress Cara insists upon.

Even washing it in the shower becomes a delicate operation!

As more weeks pass, I wake up to find my useless clit has leaked during the night, leaving a shameful sticky mess that I have to try to lick up.

It was so wonderful to wake up this morning to find my clit half erect already. I wasted no time in gently stroking it, willing it to get hard before I felt the uncontrollable urge to spurt all the remaining slime. For precious minutes, I luxuriated in the feeling before I had to stop.

I lay in bed a few minutes longer, relishing the feeling before the waves of humiliation and frustration came crashing in like a tsunami, bringing me back to reality.

As always, though, I am eternally grateful to Mistress Cara for allowing me to live with her, for allowing me to serve her every day. It is a dream come true for me and one which many slaves and wannabee slaves dream about.

Mistress has taken the week off work and it is a real joy and pleasure to have her at The Manor, looking relaxed and refreshed as each day goes by. I love the brief encounters with her as I go about my daily chores, cleaning and washing. A simple text demanding I bring another cup of coffee or light the fire makes me come alive with excitement and anticipation. Mistress Cara works such long hours, sometimes I barely see her from day to day so this week is a real pleasure and joy for me.

Thank You, Mistress, thank You for Your kindness and patience, Your understanding and encouragement.

8 weeks, 8 long weeks since Mistress Cara permitted me to milk myself and drain some vile slime from my sissy clit. In part it was because She wanted me to suffer, to extend the time between each milking. In part it was as punishment for my appalling behaviour and attitude recently.

In any event it has been extremely arduous, humiliating and frustrating to endure such a long time. I have still had to edge my sissy clit every day, still had to maintain my daily anal training, both of which I find extremely humiliating and frustrating.

The last two weeks have been a nightmare for me, each time I have inserted a butt plug a teardrop of slime has oozed out, I have scarcely been able to edge my tiny clit, even before it gets hard I have had to stop for fear of losing control and spurting uncontrollably.

The past few days I have woken up in the morning with my clit sticky and covered in slime. Mistress Cara has taken this week off work for a much needed break and so has been at The Manor. It was with some trepidation that I again begged Her to be allowed to drain myself. To be able to beg Her face to face instead of via text made a welcome change. Mistress works so hard, such long hours that some days I hardly see Her at all and I miss Her so much. I enjoy the Nervous thrill of begging Her permission for various aspects of my life. Living and working at The Manor with so many others means that 'vanilla' considerations have to be observed. This was a brief but welcome chance to speak privately with my Owner, my beloved Mistress. Thankfully She kindly agreed to allow me to drain my vile slime.

How I wish She could work from home at The Manor every day, I would relish being able to simply be able to hear her voice, to kneel in front of her in her bedroom, to show my submission to Her wishes.

I spent the afternoon carrying out my usual duties as housemaid, cleaning, tidying, preparing for Christmas. Finally my duties for the day were finished and I prepared myself. I did my usual anal training, using one of my larger butt plugs to stretch my tight hole in readiness. As always a teardrop of slime oozed out as the plug went in.

I prepared the NaughtyBoy prostate massager that I use, making sure the bullet vibe had new batteries fitted. I took out the plug and the NaughtyBoy slid in effortlessly. This time a large slug of rancid slime dribbled out as it pressed against my prostate.

Desperate for more, I turned the bullet vibe on and felt it do it's work. I moved around my room, the movement helping the massager press against me, each movement producing another teardrop.

I carefully licked up each drop as it appeared. This is another way that Mistress chooses to humiliate me, I have to 'recycle' each and very drop. After such a long time, it has never tasted more welcome!

I alternated between moving around and sitting down, desperate to drain as much as possible. I longed to stroke my tiny sissy clit, to make it hard, to feel it spurt uncontrollably but knew I didn't dare. It is nearly a year since my last orgasm, a ruined one of course, Mistress Cara having decided that I simply do not deserve or need a real orgasm ever again. Tonight a ruined orgasm would have been wonderful, like winning the lottery, but the chance to drain my blue baby balls was more than I deserved, given my recent behaviour.

Finally, after about an hour the trickle of vile tasting rancid filth stopped and I reluctantly removed the massager. I felt so relieved, but so frustrated, humiliated and submissive, as always.

I simply adore my Mistress, I owe Her so much for this wonderful chance to live with Her, to serve Her every day. I hate myself every time I let Her down, every time I fail Her. I know that with Her help, encouragement and guidance I will be able to become the slave that She wishes and deserves.

Nearly 6 weeks since I was last permitted to milk my sissy clit, I could endure no more and begged Mistress Cara once again to allow me to drain my slime. Thankfully she kindly agreed! It is only the second time I have had to do this since moving in to be her full time live in housemaid. It a real joy to start each and every day by taking a fresh cup of coffee to my Mistress while she lies in bed, entwined with her real man. A fitting daily reminder of my lowly position and of the great honour and privilege of being her chattel. I eased my butt plug into my still tight hole and as always a small teardrop of slime appeared. After a few minutes I prepared my NaughtyBoy prostate massager and exchanged it for the butt plug. This time a small trickle of filth appeared and I reluctantly licked up the mess. My tiny clit was still soft, even with the vibrations inside me. Since moving to The Manor to be with my beloved Mistress it has become more difficult to milk myself. When I lived alone I had found that the best way to drain my baby balls was to slowly move around my home, naked, allowing the NaughtyBoy to move against my prostate. Now I am much more nervous, wary of bumping into the other residents at The Manor while I am in the midst of this humiliating but essential procedure. So I contented myself with moving around my room, eagerly awaiting each drop of rancid yellow slime that oozed out of my shrivelled clit. Despite many mistakes and a huge culture shock I love serving my Mistress every day by keeping the household clean and tidy. It really is the chance of a lifetime and I am all too aware that many, many slaves must long to be in my enviable position. It makes my mistakes all the harder to bear, all the more distressing. After an hour or so of alternating between pacing around my room and sitting down and wriggling to massage my prostate, the flow of slime stopped. It was not much, not as much as previously, not enough to drain my baby balls, but it was all I could manage. Then next couple of days are always difficult, leaving me more desperate than ever for an orgasm, even a ruined orgasm, but I know Mistress Cara will not permit me such pleasure, even under the intensely humiliating conditions of my last ruined orgasm, 26 weeks ago. That took less than 60 seconds for my tiny clit to spurt the vile slime. I have never felt so humiliated, so ashamed, so relieved, so grateful. Instead I have to endure several more weeks before I once again have to beg my beautiful Mistress for permission

It has been 6 weeks since I was last given permission to milk myself and drain my sissy slime from my tiny baby balls.

So much has happened in that time, my life has changed completely.

I have left my full time job, moved out of my own home and now live with mistress Cara  and her extended family at their wonderful Manor House where I now serve her all day, every day as housemaid and housekeeper.

I could never have imagined being so lucky to be Owned by such a wonderful Mistress, let alone being able to serve her in this way.

I love my first task of the day, to bring her a cup of coffee to her bedside, while she sleepily cuddles her real man, all cosy in bed. It seems such a fitting start, to remind me of my lowly position. Despite all the generous privileges that Mistress Cara allows me I am nothing more than a slave, a chattel to serve her and make her life more enjoyable.

As if all this was not reward enough I was also proud to be able to accompany Mistress for a weekend visit to Jersey, her childhood home.

With all the wonderful upheaval I had been able to control my need to drain my tiny balls, however when I fully resumed my daily anal training my tiny clit began leaking and I begged Mistress Cara for permission to use my Naughty Boy prostate massager. Despite feeling poorly she kindly gave me permission to milk myself in the evening.

I have been used to milking and indeed anal training in the solitude of my own home. I have already found the anal training to be more humiliating now I am in a household with others. There is always a risk that I will be called on while I have a plug in my tight hole, or someone will knock on my door.

Undeterred and driven on by desperation at the appointed hour I slid the Naughty Boy inside me and began to move slowly around my room. As expected, simply sliding it in caused a teardrop of rancid slime to appear on the tip of my clit. I used to walk round my own home, finding it best to let the massager rub against my prostate. Despite moving round my room, I knew I would have to venture out to maximise the effect. I slowly made my way downstairs, hoping I would not meet anyone and made my way to the kitchen where I made myself useful, tidying up the supper dishes.

To my relief I could feel a damp patch spreading on my girlie knickers as the evil slime oozed out. I felt so humiliated, much more than before, dreading being seen by someone. I carefully made my way back to my room and continued to pace up and down. Naked now, I was able to lick up each drop of slime as it appeared, adding to my humiliation and to my relief. Finally after an hour or so the flow stopped and I reluctantly took the massager out.

By now I was feeling humiliated and desperately frustrated, desperate to drain more vile slime, longing for even a ruined orgasm to spurt it out. Mistress Cara has made it perfectly plain that I do not deserve or even need an orgasm, except for once a year, and of course I accept that but there are times when I long to be able to feel my sissy clit spurting pathetically.

I tidied my room and toys and went to sleep contented, still unable to believe my great good fortune in living with and serving my most beautiful, kind, generous Mistress. Thank You, Mistress Cara, thank You for everything!

Its official!!!

I am the luckiest slave ever to have lived!!

2 weeks ago I was again privileged to accompany Mistress Cara for a weekend visit to Jersey, her childhood home.

The weather was not as roasting hot as last year, which was perhaps for the best, but we took an earlier flight and enjoyed 3 full days revisiting her favourite haunts and meeting her old friends.

I felt so lucky to  be with my Mistress for such a personal visit, times like these simply make me more devoted than ever.

The highlight of the trip was a wonderful evening meal at a delightful Chateau, though I did feel a twinge of guilt that Mistress Cara did not have her real man by her side but her useless slave for company.

It was a wonderful end to a wonderful weekend but the best was yet to come.

Some time ago Mistress Cara had told me that she would allow me to move in to The Manor where she lives with her partners and become Housekeeper to all of them.

It meant giving up my job and finding a tenant for my own home, but it only took seconds for me to gratefully accept her kind offer.

Since Mistress move home a year ago I have yearned to be able to relocate to be close to her but I never dreamed I would have this once in a lifetime opportunity to serve my beloved Mistress all day, every day.

One again Mistress Cara had managed to reduce to me to tears, tears of joy and disbelief, for she has also very generously said that I may stay with her when I retire in a few years time.

I am stunned at her generosity, I can hardly believe my great good fortune.

It will be hard work, she lives in a large Manor House with 6 adults and 6 children and I am to be solely responsible for the cleanliness of the entire house.

Mistress Cara has shown me that there is much more to being a slave than receiving beatings, much more rewarding than being humiliated and kept in permanent chastity. I can’t think of anything more rewarding than serving my Mistress for the rest of my life.

Already I look forward to my first task of each day, taking a fresh cup of coffee to Mistress Cara while she lies in bed with her real man by her side.

What a perfect way for a slave to start the day.

What a perfect Mistress.

I must be the luckiest slave in the world!!

A few weeks ago Mistress Cara sent me a text telling me that she would be staying at my home this weekend! I’ve been so excited, so nervous ever since.

Although I have been permitted to visit Mistress regularly at her fabulous new home, the thought of spending the entire weekend with her was wonderful.

With no ‘vanilla’ considerations, no children, no distractions I was determined to be as submissive as possible.

I met Mistress on Friday evening at her place of work and after a brief stop for a drink while the rush-hour traffic eased we were on our way back to my home. Traffic was slow and Mistress chatted and was kind enough to allow me to speak freely too.

On arrival at my home I quickly offered Mistress Cara a drink while supper was being heated.

Mistress relaxed and watched tv while I bustled about, eventually being able to sit at her feet and share a selection of Indian & Chinese eats with her. Just being able to sit at her feet was lovely, a simple display of my lowly position but one that just feels ‘right’.

Later in the evening Mistress Cara ordered me to strip naked while she showed me the small collection of whips, paddles and crops that she had brought with her. I couldn’t help admiring a lovely short flogger in deep red suede. It felt lovely to touch and I knew it would hurt too!

Mistress Cara ordered me to kneel down and began to use her selection of toys on me, gently at first to warm me up, then with increasing strength.

I was in heaven, shaking with excitement and anticipation, waiting for the next blow to fall. Nothing seems more natural than that I am in this position, literally a whipping boy for Mistress to enjoy herself.

Slowly but steadily she increased the strength of the blows until my squeals of delight turned to squeals of pain. I could feel tears of joy and of pain welling up as I counted each stroke and thanked Mistress each time.

In the past year Mistress Cara has trained me in many different ways to serve her and I have come to value each and every one, even if I don’t particularly enjoy some of them. Being whipped, beaten, thrashed is but one aspect, as is my constant chastity, my daily humiliation with butt plugs, my ever increasing use as a housemaid but it remains one of my most treasured.

Tiring of whipping me, Mistress Cara ordered me to kneel up and, standing behind me leaned down and grabbed my pierced nipples in each hand and twisted them viciously.

I love this torture, it paralyses me, hardly able to breathe, barely able to beg for mercy. The pain is as exquisite as it is intolerable. With a laugh and a smile Mistress sat back down, signalling the end of the session. For several minutes I couldn’t move or speak, choking back tears of joy, utter joy, feeling the warm glow of my ass and the swollen tenderness of my nipples.  

Mistress Cara spent the night in my bed while I slept on the floor in the front room. She enjoyed a long lie in, catching up on much needed sleep and enjoying the quiet and tranquillity. In the afternoon we visited the local shopping centre for some leisurely window shopping before going to a favourite pub for a drink and a light lunch.

For the evening meal Mistress Cara had requested the local Chinese take-away, which she had enjoyed so much on a previous visit. Washed down with chilled white wine and watching The Kings Speech it was a very relaxed, informal evening. For the millionth time I marvelled at my luck and great good fortune to be Owned by such a kind, generous Mistress.

She has always permitted me unprecedented access to her private life, allowing her slave to serve her in ways that most can only dream of.

On Sunday too, Mistress Cara enjoyed a long lie in before it was time to drive back to The Manor where she lives and where her real man, her partner, was waiting for her. Despite enjoying the relaxing break it was obvious and understandable that Mistress would far rather be with her real man than with her useless bumbling slave.  

I was content and happy beyond words to have been permitted to have spent so much time alone with my beautiful, wonderful Mistress.

For many reasons, I will forever be in her debt and in her thrall.

What a wonderful surprise!! I received a text from Mistress Cara last Thursday, telling me that I would be spending the weekend with her at The Manor as she had work for me to do. I had not expected to see her until this coming weekend, when she will be staying at my home, so I was thrilled and delighted to be able to serve her so soon.

Due to prior commitments I arrived at midday on Saturday, eager to find out what work I was to do. I was told that the starter motor on one of the cars was faulty and I was to try to fix it. I was pleased with the challenge, a change from my more usual domestic chores and a chance to put my long dormant engineering skills to good use. After a couple of hours work and skinned knuckles I had identified the fault, order the spares needed and could progress no further. However as Mistress Cara had been expecting a repair bill of £150, she was pleased that the spares required would only cost £20!!

I quickly resumed my domestic chores before enjoying a convivial and relaxed evening at Mistress Cara’s feet, being delighted to be told to rub them was an additional pleasure.

I know I am so very lucky and privileged to be permitted these relaxed moments with my beloved Mistress, I take great care to remember my lowly position and to ensure that Mistress Cara’s need are tended to, keeping her supplied with food and drink as required. For a slave to be allowed to join with his Mistress and her partners in such an informal setting is precious treat indeed.

After a lazy Sunday morning I took my leave and drove home.

I had intended to beg for permission to milk myself at the weekend before unexpected invite but delayed until Monday to beg for permission. It has been 5  weeks since the last opportunity and my sissy clit was leaking slime, a sure sign of my desperation.

Thankfully I was given permission to drain my useless baby balls on Tuesday evening, after work.

My BadBoy prostate massager slid in easily and as usual a dribble of slime drained out straight away. It works best when I am moving around, usually ironing my shirts but this time I had to clean and tidy my home in preparation for Mistress Cara’s forthcoming visit. So I busied myself, with the BadBoy in place and my new nipple weights dangling and tugging my tits. The movement caused a small but steady trickle of rancid slime to leak out and in between cleaning and dusting I had to make sure that I licked up each drop, just as Mistress demands.

Despite the humiliation I felt so happy, so content. This weekend will be wonderful, to have so much time alone with my beloved Mistress then in 2 weeks I am to accompany her for a long weekend to Jersey, her childhood home, another chance to spend so much time with her.

In July she has wonderful, unbelievable plans for her slave. I can scarcely believe my great good fortune, truly the chance of a lifetime. I hardly dare believe it will all come true, until it finally happens.

So continual denial and chastity and humiliation are but a small price to pay to please the kindest, most generous Mistress a slave could wish for. I know I will forever be in her debt, forever beholden to her, forever willing to suffer for her and serve her as best I can.

Thank You, Mistress Cara, thank You a million times over.   

With my nipples fully recovered, Mistress Cara kindly agreed that I could buy 2 Spartacus Nipple Weights from the excellent people at www.sextoys.co.uk as an interim measure until a suitable replacement can be found for the lovely sparkly jewellery which was her kind birthday gift to me.

With my nipple healed I had taken the chance to try out a pair of stirrups which are ideal for hanging weights, attaching dog leads to my nipples.

As expected, the nipple weights arrived by overnight post and I eagerly but carefully attached them to the stirrups.

They feel nice and weighty, solid and coated in black plastic. 2oz may not seem a lot but when they were hanging off my sensitive nipples they felt wonderful. Not too heavy and cumbersome, but weighty enough to make themselves felt.

I love feeling them move as I move, tugging at my nipples, weighing them down in constant reminder of my enslavement to my wonderful Mistress.

As the problem caused by the sparkly jewellery reminded me, my nipples are still delicate more than a year after having them pierced, so I only kept the weights on for an hour at a time to begin with, giving them time to acclimatise.

I hope in time to build up tolerance and confidence and to be able to wear them for much longer periods.

After just the first hour they were already feeling deliciously sensitive, warm and throbbing with the extra blood pumping through them.

I made sure that I was wearing them for my mid-day edging session. This is one of the more humiliating tasks that Mistress Cara demands of me, bringing my sissy clit to the edge without ever being permitted to spurt my slime. At weekends I combine my edging with my extended anal training, making sure I have a butt plug firmly inside for between 4 and 6 hours each on Saturday and Sunday, another humiliating task Mistress Cara demands.

 In recent weeks I have barely been able to get my shrivelled sissy clit hard before I have to stop for fear of losing control. Mistress likes to keep my baby balls full with rancid slime, only permitting infrequent prostate milking to relieve me. My last ruined orgasm was in February and so almost as soon as I touch my tiny clit it wants to leak its mess.

This time however, with the nipple weights dangling and swaying and my mind full of thoughts of planned events with Mistress Cara, I was able to make my clit hard and for once I enjoyed slowly stroking it.

Perversely perhaps, I enjoy the humiliation of the ritual, the daily reminder of my submission to my beautiful Mistress, the fact that she owns and controls me absolutely. This time I could enjoy the new sensation of the weights, swaying and tugging as I stroked my tiny, useless clit, the large butt plug helping to keep my clit limp. Even so, I could not stop one or two tear drops of slime escaping before I hurriedly stopped edging. Instead I licked up the mess and felt even more frustrated and denied than usual.

Mistress Cara has so many exciting plans for my future, her kindness and generosity of late have been absolutely overwhelming, frequently bringing tears to my eyes when I think of them. It only serves to reinforce my determination to endure any humiliation of task that she may demand of me.

Quite simply, Mistress Cara is the most beautiful, kind, generous person I have known. It is my honour to know her and to serve her.

Thank You, Mistress, thank You for everything.   

I have been enjoying the lovely sparkly nipple jewellery that Mistress Cara kindly gave me for my birthday in March.

They have pretty pink jewels and sharp shiny stars hang from a silver chain which fits nicely on to the nipple bar.

I love feeling them rub against my nipples as I move around, another constant reminder that I am Owned and controlled completely by my beautiful Mistress. Of course, the stars often dig into me, making me wince, but I am sure was her intention!

Sadly I have had to remove them as my nipples became swollen and tender. The sharp end of the chain had worked its way into the piercing, irritating it and eventually causing minor bleeding. Mistress Cara was very understanding, as always, and has permitted me to revert to simply wearing the pink titanium bars she originally gave me.

I will search on line for something suitable to replace the sparkly jewellery, something which will act as a constant reminder but without causing undue harm.

I do have some stirrups which might be suitable, ready for hanging weights from!

I did enjoy the nipple clamps I tried recently, more for the weighty feeling than for the pain so being able to hang varying weights does have appeal. :)

Recently Mistress Cara has been showing me overwhelming kindness and generosity, more than any slave could ever hope for, much less such a useless and pathetic one such as I.

It has merely reinforced my opinion that, without doubt, Mistress Cara is simply the most perfect Mistress any slave could wish for. I am so proud, so pleased that she chooses to keep me as her chattel.

It’s been a busy weekend, just a few short days after my extended stay with my Owner, Mistress Cara.

As usual at weekends I have been spending time with my tight asshole plugged by a variety of butt plugs, in order to comply with Mistress Cara’s wishes.

I was also lucky enough to be chosen as a tester by sextoys.co.uk who kindly sent me a pair of brass nipple clamps, http://tinyurl.com/6k3pal5 They are delightfully solid and weighty and I loved feeling them tugging on my nipples as I moved round the house.

Mistress Cara had also very kindly given me permission to once again milk my sissy slime using my BadBoy massager. It is 6 weeks since my last milking and my baby balls were full of rancid filth.

With the nipple clamps secured I eagerly slid the BadBoy inside me. Straight away slime appeared at the tip of my tiny shrivelled clit. As I moved round doing household chores it became like a leaky tap, constantly dribbling my vile yellow slime. After a while it settled down to a constant wetness.

It’s always a relief to be able to drain my balls, even though it is intensely humiliating and makes me feel ashamed, pathetic and useless. After an hour or so the flow dried up and I reluctantly removed the BadBoy, feeling frustrated and desperate for a ruined orgasm.

As if my recent stay were not enough reward for a useless slave, Mistress Cara has recently told me that she will spend a weekend at my humble home in the next few weeks and in July I will again be permitted to escort her for a weekend break to Jersey, where she lived as a child.

I cannot believe her kindness and generosity towards me, I am so thrilled and delighted to be able to spend so much time with my beloved Mistress. Each act of kindness simply inspires me to become ever more devoted and submissive to her, determined to serve her in any way she chooses. I am without doubt the luckiest slave, to be Owned by simply the greatest Mistress imaginable.   

10 days! 10 blissful days! I have been lucky enough to spend 10 days over the Easter break staying with my Mistress, Mistress Cara, at her fabulous Manor.

I could not believe my luck when she instructed me to arrive on Good Friday and stay until the Mayday Bank Holiday.

I knew it would not be a rest cure for me, Mistress Cara would rightly expect me to earn my keep, and so it was. I spent much of my time cleaning and tidying her room, washing her laundry, hand washing her delicate oh so feminine underwear.

In the evenings I was permitted to relax with her, quietly drinking and joining the friendly banter. Of course I was still expected to keep her supplied with food and drink as required.

At night time I was once again permitted to sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed, while she energetically enjoyed herself with her real man, satisfying herself many times over. I have grown used to this form of cuckolding, indeed I crave it more and more. I love to hear, see and smell my adored Mistress in the throes of ecstasy while I could only dream of such delight.

Each morning I would quietly get dressed and make a cup of coffee for her after her shower.

The days were spent on leisurely shopping trips or quiet lunches at select village pubs.

I have loved every single minute, being so close to my beloved Mistress and Owner, serving her as she surely deserves, yet also being permitted to relax with her and her family. Such a tremendous reward for a lowly, useless slave.

I have been her property for nearly 2 years now and my devotion and admiration for Mistress Cara have grown exponentially. She can be harsh and uncompromising or kind and caring, as the mood takes her.

Whichever, I am more devoted and more submissive than ever, caring only for her happiness.

Thank You, Mistress Cara, thank You so much. 

From time to time, when the mood takes her, Mistress Cara enjoys inflicting pain on me. She does not need a reason or justification, I am her property and she uses me as she sees fit.

Usually she will use a selection of whips, crops and paddles from her extensive collection and slowly, rhythmically, turn my lily white ass red, black and blue.  

She will sometimes choose to use my nipples as the target of her attention, gripping them tightly with her fingers and twisting them viciously.

I willingly submit to both forms and indeed enjoy being used by my Mistress in these ways but the pain inflicted on my nipples is quite unlike any other.

I will usually be kneeling and Mistress Cara will kneel right in front of me before reaching out for ‘her’ nipples. I am so proud of the fact that she had them pierced for me, as a gift last year, but nonetheless, they remain her property.

She will then grasp them between her thumbs and fingers and steadily increase the pressure on them before twisting them.

The pain is great and almost paralyses me, my mouth open in a silent scream, scarcely able to draw breath, my shoulders hunched to try to relieve the tension. I can only remain frozen, rooted to the spot, gazing into the eyes of my beautiful Mistress, soaking up her pleasure and enjoyment even as I am suffering exquisite pain for her, which, after all, is my purpose in life.

It is quite unlike the pain from being whipped. It is instant on, instant off, with little to show for it afterwards. Apart from swollen and tender nipples, there are no bruises or welts to linger proudly for days. It is no less painful, just different.

I love every second of it. Perhaps it is the intimacy of the punishment, the close proximity to my beloved Mistress, whether she chooses to remain at arm’s length or move close so that her perfect feminine form is almost touching my disgusting body and I can feel her breath on me as she laughs at my pain and suffering.

As always, once Mistress Cara has had her enjoyment and released her quivering slave her aftercare is second to none. She is always so kind and caring, making sure that she has not permanently damaged her property. That alone is worth all she pain that she cares to inflict and is just one of the reasons why I trust Mistress Cara with my life. She is quite simply incomparable, unique, perfect.  

Another wonderful working weekend at The Manor!!

I have been so lucky recently, being permitted to visit and serve my Owner, Mistress Cara twice in recent weeks.

This time it was to celebrate the birthday of Mistress Harlot, who also lives at The Manor and is Mistress Cara’s partner.

I was so proud and delighted to be invited, even knowing that I would be expected to work hard all weekend and was along for a free ride.

On Saturday I arrived early afternoon and waited for Mistress Cara, who was busy upstairs preparing herself. When she made her entrance it was quite spectacular and left me dumbfounded in awe.Mistress Cara was wearing a skin-tight black Coquette Wet Look Jumpsuit, http://www.sextoys.co.uk/Costumes/Coquette-Wet-Look-Jumpsuit.asp ,

which showed off her divine figure to stunning effect, leaving little to the imagination and yet revealing nothing. I simply dropped to my knees when she entered the room, hardly daring to look at her beauty, yet unable to drag my eyes away from her. As well as looking so beautiful she was radiant with happiness, smiling her dazzling smile which can outshine the sun!

For the rest of the afternoon I alternated between helping in the kitchen preparing for the party, rushing of to Tesco’s for last minute items and spending a few moments sitting at the feet of my Mistress.

For the party itself I was kept busy supplying the guests with drinks, paying particular attention to Mistress Cara and of course the Birthday Girl, Mistress Harlot, who was looking resplendent and coquettish in a sexy red and black pvc dress.  I had also been entrusted with her iPhone with instructions to take photos of the event. At times I felt like an intrusive paparazzi but took as many photos as possible.

Everyone was having a great time, with Mistress Cara leading the dancing and later the karaoke. Once again I found difficulty in taking my eyes off her, she simply looked breathtakingly beautiful.

She had very graciously permitted me to drink and I was careful not to take advantage of her kindness, being careful to remain sober enough to continue caring for the guests and later to begin tidying away the empties!

I consider myself to be so lucky to be invited to The Manor to serve my Mistress. As a mere slave, a chattel, I am permitted into the heart of her family and given unprecedented insight to her private life. It is such a rare and generous privilege even from such a kind and caring Mistress. I treasure her trust in me and value it more than anything else.   

Shortly after midnight my Mistress retired with her real man, no doubt to satisfy each other after an evening spent teasing and titillating each other. With the party still going strong I remained to enjoy and continue tidying for another hour. As has become my great good fortune, I am permitted to sleep on the floor at the end of Mistress Cara’s bed, another rare and generous privilege. I quietly entered the room, not wishing to disturb Mistress, but she lay fast asleep, her body entwined with her real man’s. I quickly undressed and lay in my sleeping bag, thinking of my divine Mistress, listening to her steady breathing, her heavenly musk filling the room.

In the morning I quietly dressed and began the task of cleaning and tidying, being careful not to disturb the various bodies still sleeping on couches.

Around mid-day Mistress Cara summoned me by text and sent me out to fetch a much needed McDonald’s. Despite feeling slightly ‘fragile’ she still looked a picture of health and vitality.

By mid afternoon my work was completed and, not wishing to outstay my welcome I said my good-byes and left for home. I reflected on my luck to be Owned by such a wonderful Mistress. I learned long ago that there is so much more to being a slave than being beaten and punished.

It has been so much more rewarding, fulfilling, to become trained as a house slave, carrying out menial chores, to be cuckolded and sleep at the foot of my Mistress’ bed while she is satisfied by a real man with a real man’s cock instead of my pathetic shrivelled maggot.

Like a drug addict craving his next fix, I am already longing to serve my Mistress again in any way that she sees fit.

It has been 4 weeks since Mistress Cara kindly allowed me to have a ruined orgasm, my first one for a year. Then just last week she also very kindly allowed me to visit her at the fabulous Manor where she now lives. That proved to be an extremely overwhelming emotional experience for me, reducing me to tears of joy and relief. Next week I will be required to act as serving maid at a party that Mistress Cara is having to celebrate the birthday of her partner, Mistress Harlot. It feels that I am emerging from a long winter hibernation and I am looking forward to serving my beloved Mistress during what I hope will be a long, hot summer.

I have of course been continuing my daily schedule of humiliation and frustration and this, together with my recent visit to see Mistress have left me desperate to once again milk my sissy slime. The beautiful, sparkly nipple jewellery which I now wear have also enhanced my frustration, as they continually tickle and tease my super sensitive nipples.

Mistress Cara gave me permission to milk and after an afternoon of prolonged butt plug training I eagerly began to milk myself. I had been using a new anal lube, DocJohnson Cinnamon lube which has a mild warming effect so my tight hole was ready and eager for the BadBoy prostate massager which I now use. It slid in easily and straight away my sissy clit began leaking slime like a dripping tap! From past experience I know it works best when I move around, so I did some chores, washing up & general tidying. I was careful to wipe up each drop of slime, as Mistress Cara insists that I swallow each and every drop of the vile stuff.

I have become used to this particularly nauseating aspect, but it still leaves me feeling utterly humiliated and ashamed. It is worth it for the relief of draining my baby balls of the rancid slime that they still produce.

After 30 – 40 minutes my tiny clit stopped leaking and I reluctantly removed the BadBoy from my puckered hole, which by now was glowing with the anal lube and feeling sore, stretched and tender from the reaming it had had all day.

I still felt very frustrated, longing for an orgasm, but utterly submissive and devoted to my beautiful, kind Mistress. I can hardly wait til next weekend to serve at her feet again. Hopefully I won’t be quite so emotional and will be able to work hard to please her.

What a wonderful weekend I have just spent with Mistress Cara. I have not been allowed to visit her since New Year’s due to her hectic schedule. I was delighted and relieved when she told me last week that she would allow me to visit her at her fabulous Manor House, as a late birthday present.

I had expected to be told to arrive on Saturday as I knew Mistress had a hectic Friday, taking part in Comic Relief fund raising. However at 4.00pm she sent me a text telling me to drive up that evening. I had been so excited that my bags were already packed and in the car. I quickly set off, hoping that the rush hour traffic would be kind. Sure enough I arrived all eager and overflowing with excitement by 8.00pm to find my beloved Mistress relaxing with a well-deserved glass of wine. She looked so beautiful, glowing with health and on a high from her fund-raising efforts.

I was permitted to sit at her feet and catch up on her news while lovingly rubbing her feet and toes, a ‘chore’ that I could happily do for ever!

Later in the evening Mistress Cara ordered me to strip naked in front of her and her real man, who was relaxing on the couch next to her. I quickly did as ordered and once again heard my Mistress laugh at the sight of my pathetic shrivelled sissy clit.

She ordered me to kneel in front of her and began to whip my ass with a selection of her favourite crops and whips. It had been weeks, months even since the opportunity last arose for such a beating and I had been looking forward to it eagerly. I feel so safe and secure, grovelling naked in front of my Owner. Regrettably my pain tolerance was pathetically low and soon I was squealing like a sissy, begging for mercy.

I had also been so worried and concerned for my Mistress due to recent private events that a tidal wave of pent-up emotion overwhelmed me and I began sobbing uncontrollably, not because of the pain but because of my relief and joy at seeing my Mistress and knowing that she is again enjoying the lifestyle she so richly deserves.

My uncontrollable sobbing and squealing proved too much for Mistress Cara and she ceased the beating before having the chance to mark me properly. Instead she knelt in front of me, asking me to explain my sobbing. As I tried to stammer and explanation she seized my pierced nipples and twisted them viciously, causing me to yelp in pain yet again. She had very kindly had my nipples pierced a year ago as a present and I simply adore them! I love her torturing them too being close up to my Mistress, feeling her breath as she leans forward and grabs her property.

This only served to open the floodgates of emotion again, causing more uncontrollable sobbing. Finally Mistress Cara resorted to slapping my face, with sharp, stinging slaps with her open hand. By now I was simply too far gone, drowning in an out-pouring of pent up emotion and relief.

Mistress Cara then showed her kind, caring side, giving up any hope of further beatings. Instead she knelt beside me and coaxed a stumbling explanation out of her pathetic snivelling slave.  

Unable to speak coherently, Mistress Cara finally gave up and decided it was time to go to bed.

Undeservedly, I was permitted to sleep on the floor at the end of her bed. While Mistress lay entwined with her real man her slave lay on the floor, listening to the sounds of their love making while still choking back the sobbing and tears. Long after they fell asleep in each other’s arm, I was still battling to control my emotions.

On Saturday morning we were surprised and delighted when Mistress Harlot served up breakfast in bed, not just for Mistress Cara and her real man but for her slave too. What a great honour for any slave. Mistress Harlot and Mistress Cara are lovers and as well as sharing the Manor also share the 2 real men in their lives as well. A true, happy polyamorous family.

I quickly started my chores, cleaning and tidying in the kitchen, preparing the fire in the living room for later. In the afternoon I drove Mistress Cara and Mistress harlot into town for shopping, happily following behind them as they enjoyed the stares of people as they held hands and kissed in public. At each boutique we visited I was handed more and more bags to carry.

I was again surprised and delighted to be told that we would be having a meal and that they would pay for me as part of my birthday celebrations. Mistress Cara had also given me a card with a small present inside. I opened it and saw a pair of shiny, sparkly nipple jewellery, to fit on to my pierced nipples. They looked so lovely, bright silver stars with pink stones as well. I was so thrilled and grateful though thankfully this time I managed to control my emotions!!

The rest of the weekend passed in a delightful blur. I managed to remember my position and although it was very informal I remained respectful and attentive to Mistress Cara and her partners at all times.

All too soon it was Sunday afternoon and time to take my leave. I have rarely had such an enjoyable time, feeling so relaxed, rejuvenated and relieved that Mistress Cara has also, hopefully, put her problems behind her.

As soon as I got home I fitted the nipple jewellery and love the way they look. Thank you, Mistress Cara, thank you for everything!!

A full year of frustration, humiliation, desperation, denial and total obedience to Mistress Cara has passed since she permitted me to have a ruined orgasm.

Although I have learned to live with being denied, every day I have longed for an orgasm, especially when I have to edge my pathetically tiny clit twice every day.

I had reached the point where it was ready to spurt my sissy slime before even getting hard. Just a few strokes were enough to produce a teardrop on the end of my useless stub.

Once a month Mistress Cara has allowed me to milk my prostate to drain the rancid filth. That gives no pleasure and in fact leaves me even more frustrated and humiliated. I am finally mastering the technique and managing to drain more slime each time.

Even so, as the first anniversary approached I began to desperately beg my beautiful, kind, caring Owner to allow a ruined orgasm, to feel my clit pulse as it spurted the slime.

To my great relief and eternal thanks Mistress Cara gave her consent.

When I had arrived home from work I had fitted my large butt plug in anticipation. If I were to be permitted an orgasm I wanted it to be as humiliating as possible, to remind me of my lowly, worthless status as a mere chattel.

As soon as permission had been given I wasted no time, even though I knew the moment of pleasure would be over all too soon.

As usual, the big plug had caused a tiny teardrop to appear and also made me feel more frustrated, humiliated and desperate than normal.

I made myself comfortable and could feel the plug stretching my still tight hole. Usually I cannot make my tiny clit hard when the plug is in but this time it was semi erect, seeming to know what was to come.

I made sure there was a fresh battery in my bullet vibe and turned it on. I touched it to the tip of my clit, to the very sensitive area. Within seconds I could feel the urge grow, could feel my baby balls tighten. My clit was still not hard but in less than 60 seconds I felt the slime welling up inside. I kept the bullet vibe lightly on the tip, ready to move it away as soon as I started to spurt. It was a ruined orgasm I was permitted, not a full orgasm.

Even so the slime spurted out and I desperately wanted to stroke my clit, to enhance the delightful sensation coursing through my body. It felt so good after so long, such a sweet sensation. I could feel my tight hole contracting hard onto the butt plug, clenching in time with my spurting. All too soon it was over, a big puddle of evil looking rancid yellow slime waiting for me in the saucer, one final drip hanging from my clit. I paused to catch my breath before carrying out the final humiliation.

Mistress Cara demands that I recycle every drop every time I milk. Reluctantly, feeling disgusted and humiliated I began to lick it all up, feeling the big butt plug deep inside me adding to my humiliation and sense of total and utter submission to my wonderful, amazing Mistress.

After 365 days of denial the 60 seconds of sheer pleasure were unbelievable, even though I know the next few days will leave me feeling so frustrated and desperate.

I do not think I could ever submit to anyone in the way that I willingly submit to her.

Quite simply Mistress Cara Owns me, controls me, mind, body and soul. In return I adore her, worship her and would willingly give my life for her.

In just 4 days it will have been 1 years since Mistress Cara permitted me to have an orgasm.

365 days, 52 weeks,12 months, 1 year.

Even that was a ruined orgasm, my slime spurting uselessly from my pathetic clit.

It has been the hardest task that I have had to endure for my beloved Mistress.

Every day she insists that I edge my pathetic shrivelled clit in the morning and at lunch time.

Each time I long to stroke a few more strokes, to go over the edge and feel my slime spurt out uncontrollably. Even a ruined orgasm would bring unbelievable relief, followed no doubt by increased frustration and desperation for more regular orgasms.

So why don’t I simply have an orgasm and not tell my Mistress? She would never know, would she?

Well, yes, actually, she would know, would find out. She could tell from my changed demeanour, from my seeming acceptance of the burden. Then she would dismiss me out of hand, permanently. I would also be betraying my beliefs, my whole life-style. I could never live with my self.

So I have to endure, looking forward to the infrequent milking sessions with a mixture of relief and disgust.

I have been improving in my ability to drain the rancid filth but it never relieves me, never satisfies me. Each milking session although greatly treasured and sought after only humiliates me and frustrates me more and more.

Every time I edge, every time I milk, every time I use my butt plugs it binds me closer and closer to my beloved Mistress and Owner. I simply love being controlled absolutely by her, being kept humiliated and frustrated, knowing that Mistress Cara can and does have several orgasms every day while her pathetic slave has none.

Please Mistress Cara, I beg You to allow Your devoted, useless slave to have a ruined orgasm before embarking on a further period of denial and frustration. Please, Mistress, I beg You.

It’s been a busy few days, leaving me feeling humiliated, frustrated and even more submissive to my beautiful Mistress and Owner, Mistress Cara.

It started on Friday, when I finally managed to force a new large prostate massager into my reluctant, tight asshole, as detailed in my previous journal.

I have recently bought a new addition to my anal collection and on Saturday, while I was waiting for permission to from Mistress to try it I resumed my normal anal training. I was feel a little tender from the night before so made sure to use plenty of lub and did not use the larger butt plugs.

On Saturday evening I received a text from Mistress Cara, giving details of a task she wished me to carry out from her, as well as giving me permission to try my new anal toy and to milk the filthy slime from my baby balls.

I was delighted to receive a task, although it was quite simple and straight forward I knew my Mistress would be pleased and that it would make her life a little easier, which, quite simply, is my whole reason for being. The task was quickly completed and I spent the rest of Saturday night relaxing and looking forward to draining my sissy semen the next day. It has been 4 weeks since the last time and my tiny clit had begun to ooze slime every time I edge, a sure sign that I needed to drain myself.

On Sunday I decided to vary my usual routine in order to try to have a more successful milking than usual.

I started with a small butt plug followed by a larger one before trying out the new anal toy, a vibrating butt plug. It has a flexible shaft joining the plug to the controller. The plug slid in easily, no surprise after the 2” plug I had forced in on Friday. I was able to bend the flexible shaft so the controller was resting against my baby balls. The vibrations felt good both on my asshole and on my balls. With the shaft and controller tucked between my legs I was able to move around without fear of the plug falling out.

 I began to relax, enjoying the feelings, hoping I would be able to empty my balls. Usually I only manage a small amount which only offers temporary respite. By using a variety of plugs first I hoped that my prostate would be relaxed and ready.

Instead of using my NaughtyBoy prostate massager I decided to use the BadBoy which is a similar shape but is thicker and slightly longer.

I used plenty of lub and again it slid straight in, thanks to Friday’s anal assault.

Before I could walk from my bedroom to my living room I was amazed to feel slime dripping out of my shrivelled, useless clit! I had to stop halfway along the hallway to scoop up my filth before moving on. As fast as I licked up my mess, more appeared! It was unbelievable, I have never drained so much slime so easily. I was careful to catch each drop and lick it off my fingers. Mistress Cara insists on this, to further humiliate me and to ensure that I get no enjoyment from the process. Each drop tastes foul and rancid, yellow and slimy.

I didn’t care this time, I couldn’t believe how much was leaking out. My clit was like a dripping tap, as fast as I licked up one drop another would appear.

The BadBoy was doing its job, pressing against my prostate, helped by the vibrations. I made it to my living room and stood rooted to the spot, amazed and exhilarated. In just a few minutes I had milked more slime than I usually do over the course of an hour. I continued to walk round, the natural movement helping to expel my filth.

Instead of walking round I decided to do my ironing, not an easy task when I had to try to catch each drop without burning my shirts! By now my hand, my tiny clit and my lips were covered with dried slime. Not so much was leaking out now but I decided to carry on moving around rather than sitting or lying down, as all the online advice recommends.

I now believe that by lying down and trying to milk that way I was in fact tensing up and so hindering not helping the process. In future I will use my BadBoy and be sure to move around.

Despite my success, I felt utterly humiliated and frustrated, desperate to be permitted a ruined orgasm, to feel my slime spurt out instead of dribbling. In just 18 days it will be one year since Mistress Cara allowed me to have a ruined orgasm. I do not enjoy having to endure my daily anal training but have grown used to the daily humiliation, knowing how much Mistress Cara enjoys my suffering. It is a cruel irony that the training leaves me so frustrated and desperate to orgasm.

Finally the flow of filth ended and I reluctantly removed the BadBoy. My asshole felt quite tender and sore from all the recent activity and I felt quite drained, mentally as well as physically. Who would have thought that exercising just one small muscle would be so tiring?

The weekend finished on an unexpected high when I received a Tweet from Mistress thanking me for a gift I had recently sent her. I felt pleased with my progress but above all, pleased that I had been able to please my beloved, beautiful Owner. It makes all my suffering and humiliation worthwhile.

Following a break of several weeks over Christmas, I resumed my daily anal training at the start of January.

It is just one of several daily tasks that Mistress Cara has imposed on me, to humiliate me and to remind me that I am merely her chattel, to be used as she wishes.

Every evening during the week I spend at least one hour with a variety of plugs in my still tight asshole.

Some months ago Mistress Cara sent me a huge looking prostate massager, measuring 2” diameter and I have tried several times to force it in to my tight sissy mangina, all to no avail.

The largest I have been able to manage has been 1.75” diameter, not a great difference but until tonight it might as well have been 2” difference.

Tonight began as usual, with a smaller plug and working up to the larger one.

Spurred on and inspired by the latest blog post written by Mistress Cara, I took the Prostate Pro out of its box and looked at it fearfully. It is shaped like a toffee apple, a big round ball on a small stalk. Unlike most butt plugs it does not have a gentle taper to help ease it in, or to help ease it out once inside. I knew that taking it out would be just as painful as forcing it in.

I covered it with lube as well as smearing the lub generously on my ass.

Taking a deep breath and thinking of my beautiful Mistress I slowly tried to ease it in. it went in halfway quite easily but then stuck. I left it in place for a minute, hoping my tight hole would slowly stretch. Sure enough, I managed to force it in a little more each time.

Over about 5 minutes I eased it in a bit at a time, until I felt it start to slide in of its own accord. I panicked and pulled it back out, fearing my tight hole snapping shut and being unable to remove it.

Over the next 10 minutes I slowly eased it in and out, gaining confidence as the pain subsided.

Finally, taking another deep breath I let it slide all the way in.

I was shaking with the exertion and with fear. I quickly but gently eased it back out. As I feared, it was as painful to remove as it had been going in.

Once again I let it slide in, this time leaving it in and turning on the vibrator. I could feel it but got no pleasure from it at all. I gingerly stood up and moved around, still feeling the vibrations.

I now felt elated, pleased that I had finally been able to take it in my tight sissy hole.

I could not have done it without reading Mistress Cara’s blog, which although was not written with me in mind, far from it, did inspire me enough to go through the ordeal and humiliation.

My next challenge of course is to be able to repeat this on a regular basis before, no doubt, Mistress sends me an even larger device.

It has been 3 weeks since Mistress Cara allowed me to milk my baby balls and drain my sissy slime.

My daily regime of humiliation by anal training and twice daily edging leaves me feeling frustrated and humiliated, which is of course Mistress Cara’s intention.

My midday edging today nearly ended in disaster as I came perilously close to spurting my filthy slime. I try not to get so close to the edge but today for some reason I stroked my pathetic sissy clit a little too much and could feel the urge to keep stroking welling up. Thankfully I stopped just in time but was left shaken at the narrow escape. I quickly plunged my large butt plug into my tight hole and busied myself with household chores to take my mind off the narrow escape.

Quite by chance, Mistress Cara chose to exchange tweets with me just as I was recovering and I relished being close to my Owner for a few moments.

Mistress Cara has graciously forgiven me many grievous mistakes but I am under no illusion that she would not tolerate me having an orgasm, however accidental it may have been. Instant dismissal from her service would be the only outcome.

It is in fact just 3 weeks until the first anniversary of my last ruined orgasm. I desperately hope that Mistress Cara will allow me another ruined orgasm, but she insists on calling it my last orgasm so it is by no means certain that she will permit a reprieve.

In spite of the daily humiliations that Mistress Cara insists upon, I am so proud, so grateful to be her slave, her property. She is without doubt the most amazing, wonderful person I have ever met. Quite apart from being an accomplished Mistress, she is kind, caring, genuine and honest. It is my absolute privilege to know her.

With Christmas and New Year fading fast, it is time to settle back in to my regime of daily humiliation and submission to Mistress Cara’s will.

At the start of December I had had to beg Mistress to relax the level of my daily suffering, due to stress at work and being unable to visit her for several weeks.

To recap, my daily humiliation includes wearing lacy bra and knickers every day, even at work. I have to wear a sissy pink nightie every night and sit down to pee, not stand up. I have to paint my nails pink at weekends and endure the stares of shop assistants.

Mistress Cara has not permitted me an orgasm for 46 weeks, though she does allow me to milk myself once a month or so.

Each on their own, these are not arduous demands but the cumulative effect is at times overwhelming. The two remaining tasks are the two that I found most challenging and, as I strove to become less intensely devoted to my Mistress, are the two that I begged to be able to stop.

Now re-instated, I have resumed my daily anal training and twice daily edging of my useless sissy clit. These make it impossible to put Mistress Cara from the very forefront of my mind and I am incredibly grateful that she permitted me to temporarily cease them.

Having taken a 3 week break from work and had the delightful pleasure of spending time with my adored Mistress I feel refreshed and keen to sink back into subspace, where I belong.

On Monday night I resumed my anal training, starting with my small plug. It had been several days since I last used it and it felt tight in my hole. The humiliation and shame came flooding back, as did the reason for it, namely my enslavement to my Mistress. I eased out the small plug and prepared the next size, using plenty of lube. It took some effort to push it in but once in stayed in place without problem. I moved carefully around at home, once again becoming accustomed to having my slutty hole stretched. I really do not enjoy my anal training. Although only the larger plugs cause pain and discomfort, it is the humiliation and disgust, the self loathing that I find so difficult. I know Mistress Cara  enjoys my suffering and that in turn pleases me and gives me the will to carry on as does the hope that she will again wish to fuck her useless slave with her strap-on. When that heavenly day comes, my anal training will ensure that I am ready.

I followed the same routine for the rest of the week, starting with the small plug and then easing larger ones in. thankfully it became easier to take the larger plugs and I spent about an hour each evening filled with them.

As for edging my tiny sissy clit, I have to do this twice each day, first thing in the morning and at lunchtime, at work. The early morning is far more enjoyable, as I lay in bed I stroke my useless clit and dream of my beautiful Mistress. It doesn’t take long before I feel a drop of sissy slime ooze out and I have to stop before I get too close to the edge. I know it would be fatal if I were to lose control and have an orgasm. Mistress Cara seems quite determined that I will never have another orgasm of any sort.

The lunchtime edging has always been an ordeal, I have to go to the toilets at work and shut myself into a cubicle and quietly start to stroke myself. Being so nervous and stressed makes it so difficult, the fear of being found out is very real. On Tuesday I resumed my task and felt so ashamed and useless when after less than 1 minute of stroking my pathetic clit I could feel slime starting to ooze out. It wasn’t even hard yet but I had to stop. Even spilling my filth while completely soft would have angered Mistress Cara. Feeling ashamed, humiliated and completely useless I went back to my desk, sure that people would notice me looking flushed and flustered.

The rest of the week was not much better, each time I had to stop before my clit even got hard. I have no doubt that, if instructed, I would cum in less than 60 seconds.

Now it is the weekend and I will have an extended session with my plugs each day as well as the edging, leaving me so frustrated and humiliated.

Mistress Cara has indicated that she may allow me to visit her next weekend, which has lifted my spirit skywards even though the visit may include a whipping as punishment for my earlier appalling behaviour. Even that thought cannot dampen my hopes. I know all too well how savage and severe a beating from Mistress Cara can be and yet I still look forward to them. The pain can be excruciating, but the pleasure of knowing how much Mistress enjoys herself make it all worthwhile.  

After the delights of Christmas and New Year spent with Mistress Cara I was again desperate to drain my sissy slime from my useless baby balls. In fact I needed to do so before Christmas but did not want to displease Mistress by asking during the festive season. In any case, simply being close to Mistress Cara serves both to take my mind off my leaking clit as well as ramping up the level of frustration I feel.

On Friday I could take no more and begged Mistress by text for permission to milk myself. 45 weeks since my last ruined orgasm, milking is the only way that I am permitted to drain the sissy slime and Mistress Cara is reluctant to even allow me that relief.

So it was that I waited until Saturday afternoon until she kindly gave me permission. That in itself is humiliating and yet another reminder of the total control that Mistress Cara has over me. At times the urge to orgasm is unbearable, especially when I have to edge my sissy clit. The urge to keep stroking for one more stroke, even for a ruined orgasm is overwhelming. But I know that to do so would be to sign my own death warrant, for Mistress has made clear in no uncertain terms that such disobedience would result in instant and irrevocable dismissal from her service.

I started the process with a small butt plug to help relax my tight hole. Even as it went in it caused a small tear drop of slime to appear at the tip of my tiny clit, a sure sign that my baby balls were full of rancid juice. Next in was a short, stubby vibrating prostate massager which again caused a tear drop to appear.

I was beginning to relax now as much because of the relief I felt having been given permission as for the vibrations of the massager. Despite the good feelings I knew that I would need to use my Naughty Boy prostate massager which never fails to drain my slime.

I carefully prepared it though by now it slid effortlessly into my hole. It feels really comfortable, the tip resting on my prostate, the vibrations moving up and down. By now the tip of my tiny clit was constantly wet as I slowly rocked back and forth, feeling the tip move around inside me. I relaxed and thought of my beautiful Mistress, of being cuckolded by her, lying on the floor at the foot of her bed as she made full use of the man sized cock of her real man. As always, the shame and humiliation were counter balanced by the joy and pleasure of being owned, mind, body and soul by such a perfect being. There are times when I feel I should pinch myself to make sure that I am really her property and not just dreaming.

Finally, thankfully, after 30 minutes or so, I felt a slither of slime, a rope of rancid mess escape from my clit. I continued, desperate to drain even more, knowing it would be another 4 weeks or more before the next opportunity arose. To add to my humiliation and shame, Mistress Cara demands that I lick up every drop of the vile mess, so with disgust, I reluctantly obeyed and choked by the rancid yellow slime.

Previous attempts at milking have been helped by simply moving around, so I began to do some house work, washing up dishes etc. sure enough I could feel a wetness on my clit, not a satisfying stream, but at least the slime was escaping, albeit in the most frustrating, un-satisfying way possible. I comforted myself with the thought that Mistress would be pleased at that too.

Finally there was no more so reluctantly I removed the Naught Boy and cleaned up the remaining slime.

I felt frustrated, humiliated, ashamed and disgusted, but so grateful that my Owner, my Mistress had given me permission to care for my health.  

I have had an unexpected and an undeserved delightful Christmas and New Year, spending the time with my beloved Owner, the divine Mistress Cara.

It was unexpected because recently she has been so busy with her new life, her new friends and family that she has had no time for her ever useless and pathetic slave.

Just one week before Christmas I received a text from her, asking what I would be doing. On hearing my reply, Mistress very kindly insisted that I would spend Christmas with her at the Manor. My heart leapt and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up when she demanded that I arrive Christmas Eve. Once again the thrill of submitting to her will, even when it is of the kindest imaginable, reminded me that I am but her property and must do as she wishes.

In fact I drove up the day before Christmas Eve, to be able to take Mistress shopping for last minute gifts and presents. I was thrilled, I have always enjoyed accompanying her on shopping trips. When I arrived at the Manor and she greeted me, I was again struck by her beauty and wanted to fall to my knees at her feet and worship her. It had been 10 weeks since I last saw her, 10 long weeks while she had been far too busy to see her slave.

We set off for the local shopping centre and I listened intently as she brought me up to date with her busy, hectic & erotic life.

The shopping was great fun, a rare treat for a slave to be able to see his Mistress in informal circumstances, I loved to watch as she delightedly chose gifts for her family and loved ones.

We made our way back to the Manor, bearing gifts of all shapes and sizes and spent the evening relaxing with her partners, wrapping the various gifts.

On Christmas Eve Mistress Cara had to go to work until midday and I made myself useful ensuring there was sufficient wood and coal for the long weekend. The weather was still freezing and the Manor takes a lot of heating!

The evening was also relaxed and informal, I always feel so privileged to be able to join Mistress and her friends at these times, though there is never any doubt that I am merely her slave and am required to keep drinks glasses topped up as required.

Finally it was time for bed and Mistress Cara kindly allowed me to sleep on the floor at the foot of her  bed, while she snuggled against her real man and made full use of his man sized cock.

I am slowly becoming accustomed to being cuckolded in this way, the humiliation, shame and frustration I feel are countered by the delight of knowing that my adored Mistress has a real man to satisfy her, whenever she needs. All her useless slave can do is lie quietly, dreaming of the pleasure that I am incapable of giving her with my useless clit. I long to be summoned to lick her clean when she is finally satiated, but of course Mistress drifts off to sleep in the arms of her real man, oblivious to her slave lying on the floor.

Christmas day was spent in a frenzy of yelling, over excited children, a huge feast prepared by Mistress Harlot, who shares the Manor, and more, with Mistress Cara. I was put to work in the kitchen, cleaning and washing up, tidying and carrying, as befits a lowly chattel.

This is the second Christmas that I have spent with Mistress Cara and her family and I know how incredibly lucky I am, know how many slaves must dream of being given such an opportunity.

At times Mistress Cara can be incredibly harsh and cruel, reducing me to sobbing tears in seconds. She is also incredibly kind and caring, genuine and honest. The rewards of being her slave far, far outweigh the frustration and humiliation that is now part of my daily life.

All of which makes my behaviour on Boxing Day all the more irrational and unforgiveable.

I woke early on Boxing Day, having spent a second night on the floor at the foot of Mistress Cara’s bed, again being cuckolded, humiliated and frustrated.

I went downstairs and began to help with the clean-up of the aftermath of Christmas. At midday I was told that both Mistress Cara and Mistress Harlot were unwell and were still in bed. For some unfathomable reason I became convinced that I should leave, not wishing to intrude on a family Christmas where 2 of the main people were unwell. I am acutely aware of the privilege given to me and desperately did not want to outstay my welcome. I can hardly believe it myself now, but I simply packed my bag and left, without saying goodbye.

Even before I had got home my phone was burning up with texts from Mistress demanding to know where I was. When I tried to explain it simply made her even more angry and upset that I could have let her down so badly, behaved so unforgivably.

In my desire not to outstay my welcome I had overlooked the obvious: I was needed to help carry on tidying, cleaning, fetching and looking after Mistress. What else is a slave for? It was a blunder of epic proportions and I wished I could have turned round and driven straight back to the Manor, but it was too late.

I felt awful and was resigned to spending the last few days of 2010 in misery, expecting Mistress Cara to dismiss me at any moment. On Thursday I received a curt text from her, saying she required me to drive her and her real man to a party on New Year’s Eve, as punishment for my behaviour. My heart leapt, it seemed more like a dream come true than punishment. I drove back to the Manor on New Year’s Eve and sheepishly greeted my Mistress, trying to explain, begging forgiveness. She said little except that the party would go on til 3.00, so I wouldn’t be getting much sleep!

Mistress Cara looked stunning in a sexy black dress and high heels, I knew she would have a wonderful time at the party. I drove her the few miles to a local nightclub and, having made sure she got in without problem, returned to the Manor to wait.

As it was, I was summoned at 1.30 to collect Mistress and her real man. She still looked beautiful, beaming and smiling, if a little dishevelled and with a croaky voice!

Back home, everyone went straight to bed, her slave once again sleeping at the foot of her bed.

I still can hardly believe that Mistress Cara allowed me to see her again so soon after my appalling unexplained behaviour. I felt lucky to still be her slave, let alone to be staying once again with her. Never more has it been so true, that I am unworthy to be her slave, that she could easily replace me with a dozen slaves who would truly appreciate the honour bestowed on them by the most perfect Mistress imaginable.

I spent the next 2 days ‘earning my keep’, doing household chores, providing room service duties to Mistress and her real man, who spent most of New Year’s day in bed, understandably recovering from the party.

I finally left, with the express permission of my Owner, determined to make several, serious New Year resolutions.

A few days later I read with excitement and dread a tweet from Mistress: I will have My slave back here for a beating, I think. I need to exercise My whipping arm again.

I have been warned!

It has been 40 weeks since my last ruined orgasm, which Mistress Cara ominously calls my last ever orgasm, and 4 weeks since she last permitted me to milk my sissy slime from my useless baby balls.

Feeling overwhelmingly frustrated, stressed and humiliated I once again begged Mistress Cara for permission to milk myself this week. If the daily, continual denial and control is not humiliating enough, the final shame of having to beg for permission is almost too much to bear. I long to be able to milk myself more frequently but the shame of having to beg makes me endure for as long as possible. I dare not even think about begging to be allowed a ruined orgasm though I long for one with all my heart. I am terrified that Mistress Cara really intends that 24^th February will indeed be my last ever orgasm.

I adore her and am as devoted to her as ever but recently Mistress has simply not had any use for her pathetic slave. With her exciting new life and her new lovers it is difficult to imagine when she may permit me to grovel at her feet once again.

Her strict daily regime of control, humiliation and denial ensures that I never forget for one minute that I am Owned and controlled absolutely by my beautiful Mistress and I adore that feeling, of being a chattel, of being helpless to resist her every wish and yet I crave being able to be humiliated in person by her, to be given menial household tasks while she relaxes with her lovers, to hear her soft voice mocking me, taunting me, knowing full well that she will be satisfied by her real man every night while I am denied even the most basic relief and pleasure.

So it was with relief and gratitude that I set about trying to drain my filth, to try to reduce some of the frustration and stress.

As soon as I got home from work I put my medium size butt plug in, to start the process. As usual a tiny teardrop of sissy slime appeared at the end of my clit. After an hour I changed the butt plug for a larger one, feeling it stretch my tight hole. I am becoming used to the feeling but I still find my daily anal training one of the most humiliating and distasteful tasks that Mistress has set me. Apart from desperately wanting to please her by being able to take ever larger plugs I live in hope that one day Mistress will wish to fuck me once again with her strap-on and that I will be better able to take it. The last time I squealed like a stuck pig and sobbed my eyes out with emotion, lust, shame and humiliation.

At 8.00pm, the time set by Mistress I eased the large plug out and slipped my Naughty Boy prostate massager into my now slack hole. It felt good as always and another teardrop of slime appeared when the massager made contact with my prostate.

I quickly slipped into the rhythm of rocking gently back and forth, feeling the vibrations moving around inside me. After 10 or 15 minutes I began to relax but still no sign of any rancid juice so I carefully stood up and set up the ironing board to iron my shirts. Contrary to most advice, I have found in the past that slowly moving around doing chores produces more slime than by simply staying still and concentrating.

In any event, by the time I had started the ironing another teardrop appeared on the end of my pathetic tiny clit. As I moved about I could feel more of the filth oozing out and dribbling down my thigh. Remembering another of Mistress Cara’s humiliating demands, I reluctantly licked up each drop of slime, hating the taste of it but so grateful that it was leaking out of my sissy clit.

The ironing finished, I settled down again, desperate to drain as much slime as possible. I thought of my beautiful Mistress, of all the wonderful, unforgettable times I have spent with her. The highs have been stratospheric, the lows eternally shameful.

Before I met her, I had enjoyed visiting various pro-Dommes, who, although good, were only a brief sample of what I craved. Since being Owned by Mistress Cara I have become convinced that I am only truly happy, only truly alive when I am being used and abused by her. I am certain that my vocation in life is to live as her slave, her chattel, to do with as she wishes.

If the first, savage thrashing she gave me hadn’t convinced me, then the first time she fucked me with her strap-on certainly did. The heady mix of emotion, from agony to ecstasy, from shame to lust and everything in-between must be more addictive than any drug.

During my last few visits Mistress Cara has begun to cuckold me, making me witness her using her real man for her pleasure while her useless slave can only watch, taking me further into the darkest recesses of hell and yet at the same time craving more from my perfect Mistress. I am an addict, an incurable addict and my drug of choice is Mistress Cara.

I have a recurring dream, based in part on factual events and on my hopes.

During my recent visits to Mistress Cara at her Manor, she has increased the tempo of my humiliation and enslavement by introducing me to the art of cuckolding.

After an evening spent relaxing with Mistress and her new family, it was finally time for bed. I was to sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed while she enjoyed the company of her real man.

In the bed room I was ordered to strip naked and kneel at her feet. Mistress then produced one of her many crops and gave me a short, sharp beating, making my ass glow bright red. Her real man relaxed on the bed, watching with amusement as Mistress humiliated me. She has also beaten me with the delightful Mistress Harlot present and indeed taking part, so I am learning to enjoy the additional humiliation of being beaten and abused in front of others.

Satisfied that my ass would be glowing all night, Mistress Cara turned her attention to her real man. I was left kneeling naked on the floor while she made full use of his man sized cock, energetically impaling herself on it in a variety of positions.

I could smell the heady, pungent aroma as I knelt hypnotised at the sight of my beautiful Mistress, completely naked and impaled on a real cock.

Finally they were both satiated and before finally falling asleep, Mistress kindly murmured that I was permitted to sleep at the bottom of the bed, lying cross-wise, my face nuzzling her delightful feet. What an unexpected delight, such a rare pleasure for a useless slave. It should have been so humiliating, yet the whole nights events seemed so natural, so normal.

I drifted off to sleep, happy and contented.

I awoke early the next morning to the most beautiful sight imaginable, better than the finest sunrise in the most exotic location.

During the night, Mistress Cara had thrown off the bed sheets and she now lay stark naked, one perfect, pale thigh draped over her real man as they both slept. Her exquisite ass and pussy were exposed to my astonished gaze. Traces of her dried juice were on her thigh, mixed no doubt with her real man’s cum too.

I simply could not resist the urge to worship my Mistress, to taste her, to feel the warmth of her heavenly body.

I carefully moved into position and buried my face between her divine ass cheeks. They were as warm and soft and as inviting as I had dreamed of. I inhaled the heady aroma, hardly daring to move for fear of disturbing the sleeping beauty before me.

Eventually I moved again, so my nose was lightly touching her pussy lips while my tongue set to work on her delightful pink rosebud. I lovingly licked and kissed it, savouring each and every taste, each and every smell. I kissed her ass cheeks lovingly, reverently.

My nose was slowly sinking into the folds of her lips, feeling the dried juice from the night before, inhaling the fusion of her own juices and her real man’s cum.

Once again I carefully shifted position so my mouth covered her pussy and my nose was pressed lightly to her asshole. I continued licking and kissing, inhaling and feeling the heavenly delights. Her pussy became wet again, her juices flowing, tasting far far better than the finest champagne, this time mingled with the taste of real cum, left deep inside from the night before.

I should have felt ashamed, humiliated, disgusted with myself, but I didn’t. It felt so natural, so normal that her slave should be cleaning her even as she slept. I was so happy, so careful not to wake her. She would moan and sigh from time to time and I would stop, holding my breath until she went back to sleep before resuming my worship.   

I felt her hand move onto my head and I froze but she just left it there, gently holding my face in place so I continued as before.

By now it was daylight outside and I could see clearly how beautiful Mistress Cara looked, her perfect pale skin soft and warm. Her magnificent breasts looked so inviting, I longed to be able to worship them too. I also could see the real cock, resting next to her thigh. Even in its flaccid state, it was far larger than my pathetic clit could ever be, could satisfy my Mistress in ways that I never will. How I wish my useless sissy clit was even half that size, for Mistress to tease and torture it.

I stopped licking to rest my tongue and jaw, but as soon as I did I felt an increased pressure from her hand on my head, so I diligently resumed my worship. Finally her hand moved my head away. I lay as close as I dared without touching her, nestling as close as I could to her beautiful ass before drifting back to sleep again.

What a wonderful night, what a perfect start to the day. What an incredibly lucky slave……..

If only dreams could come true……..

It is 1 year since MistressCara first fucked me with her strap-on. What an unforgettable moment it was, such a heady mix of emotions. I have just re-read my journal entry, brining it all back to me.
Such happy memories!

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11/21/2009 6:13:55 PM  

FANTASTIC FRIDAY!! 

What an unforgettable experience! Deeply moving, very humbling, highly addictive! 

I called on Mistress Cara at 09.00 as instructed. After a brief greeting I drove my Mistress to the local shopping centre where she browsed for Christmas gifts and enjoyed a coffee. 

My nerves were on edge, wanting to be alone with my Mistress, yet at the same enjoying being with her in public. Mistress had instructed me to wear purple nail polish, to humiliate me in public. I must admit I was so focussed on what was to come that I forgot I had the nail polish on, so when I went to fetch the coffee I hardly noticed the strange looks I got! 

Eventually we left the shopping centre and I drove Mistress Cara to my home. Once there I made sure that the curtains were drawn for privacy and made sure that my Mistress was seated comfortably. She instructed me to change into my new sissy maid’s dress. I had recently bought it from e-bay, a short black dress with dark red trim, an improvement over my old sissy pink one.  I crawled back into the room and Mistress smiled as she saw how pathetic I looked. She made me stand up and turn around so she could inspect me. I had to lift up the hem so she could also inspect my lacy black knickers. Laughing at me and humiliating me, Mistress Cara then told me to crawl and prepare my butt plugs. 

I felt so nervous now, dreading the moment and yet longing for it. I have been training for nearly a month now and although the medium plug slips in with ease, the big plug has so far defeated me. Mistress told me to put the medium one in my ass and laughed as I slid it in. She made me switch the vibrator on to low speed and then she stood up and ordered me to remove her tight fitting jeans. With trembling hands I fumbled to undo the zip and ease them down over her soft white thighs. The vibrator was distracting me, but I still admired the close up view I had of the tiny black thong that Mistress was wearing. What heavenly delights that scrap of material hid from my view, so unattainable for a useless slut such as me. Mistress settled back into the sofa and ordered me to attempt the big plug, telling me to add plenty of extra lube. Despite her advice I was still unable to push it in. I begged Mistress Cara to try and she very kindly agreed. I was on my hands and knees, wearing my sissy dress while my divine Mistress attempted to shove a butt plug up my tight hole. I should have felt humiliated, ashamed, instead I was so worried about failing my beautiful Mistress. Despite her efforts the plug would not go in so, leaving me kneeling with my ass in the air, Mistress put the strap-on on and knelt behind me. I could hear her adding lube and moving into position. My heart was racing, my head throbbing, I was sweating and shaking all over. This was the moment I had longed for, had dreaded and feared. What if I could not take her strap-on? I knew it was slightly thinner than the big plug so I hoped I would manage it, but couldn’t be sure. 

I desperately wanted my Mistress to fuck me, to submit to her, to feel her deep inside me. She had kept telling me that she would rape me. I knew it wouldn’t be rape, I was gagging for it! 

Finally the moment arrived. I r strap-on rest on my tight hole. Mistress was telling me how useless I was, how unworthy, a dirty little cock whore. Suddenly I felt the strap-on inside me. I couldn’t believe how easily it had slid in! I begged Mistress to tell me if it was in all the way, begged her to fuck me, pleaded with her to ram it all the way in. It didn’t feel painful, as I had feared. It felt strange at first, but pleasant. It was still sinking in, my adorable Mistress was fucking me and I was enjoying it! I had been so worried that it would be as painful as the big plug is. God it felt good! I begged Mistress to fuck me, again and again. Suddenly I felt the soft warmth of her thighs press against my ass cheeks as she rammed the dildo in as far as it would go. I felt my little clit start to get hard. I wanted her to milk me, to drain my sissy juice there and then. I wanted Mistress Cara to fuck me forever. I loved feeling my Mistress so close to me, hearing her humiliate me, feeling her pounding me. 

I was so close to tears, tears of relief and of pleasure, tears of joy at having submitted to my Owner, my Mistress. 

I couldn’t feel humiliated or ashamed, I only felt joy and relief, pride and joy at being so intimately used by the only person that I ever want to fuck me. All too soon I felt her withdraw, heard her take the strap-on off and sit back down on the sofa. I was still kneeling on all fours, ass high in the air. I couldn’t move, wanted to burn the memory into my brain, wanted it to sink in. Mistress Cara had fucked my slutty tight hole and I loved it!! Already I wanted her to fuck me again! I loved feeling her inside me, loved being so submissive, loved being controlled by such a powerful, dominant beautiful young woman. I was in heaven!! I faintly heard Mistress telling me to go and clean myself. As I crawled away she gave me the double ended dildo and told me I could lick ‘her’ end of it. It was wet with her juice, creamy and delicious. I lapped at it like a man dying of thirst. It tasted of heaven, nectar, pure nectar. 

Mistress then allowed me to sit at her feet and talk about my feelings. I was tongue tied then, still coming to terms with what had just taken place. When Mistress told me that she hadn’t fucked a slave for many years, I felt even more privileged, even more humble, knowing the she had indeed enjoyed herself. I begged Mistress to fuck me again soon, but was told that would not happen until I am able to take the big plug! 

Later in the afternoon I drove Mistress home and in the evening went out for a wonderful meal with Mistress Cara  and her real man. The food was excellent, the wine was welcome, but the company was just the best I could have wished for. I am truly a very, very lucky and honoured slave. 

After the meal, back at Mistress Cara’s home I sat contentedly rubbing her feet, while Mistress enjoyed watching her favorite Pink video with a final glass of wine and a chocolate sweet. Such decadence, such devoted service is deserved by such a natural, perfect Mistress.    

To round off a perfect day I was permitted once again to sleep on Mistress Cara’s sofa bed, where I drifted off to sleep dreaming of my wonderful amazing beautiful Mistress.

36 weeks after my last ruined orgasm and 4 weeks after I was permitted to milk my sissy slime, my Owner, the beautiful Mistress Cara very kindly allowed me to once again drain my filth from my useless shrivelled baby balls.

I hurried home from work, desperate to relieve my frustration and build up of slime. I still have to edge my clitty every morning and every lunchtime and this, together with my daily anal training leaves me unbearably frustrated and desperate.

I long for another ruined orgasm, to feel my slime spurt out of my tiny clit rather than dribble out when I milk my prostate, but I know I don’t deserve such pleasure and that Mistress Cara will not allow it.

Thankfully I am getting better at milking, using my Naughty Boy prostate massager. I have tried several other types, but so far this is the best. This time I had the larger Bad Boy to try as well as the Nexus Gyro which Mistress had kindly given me.

I tried the Gyro first. It is a shaped butt plug really, with no vibrator. Its quite chunky and felt large going inside me. Apart from an initial teardrop of slime when it hit my prostate I was unable to drain any more slime out.

Feeling more frustrated and desperate then ever I tried the Bad Boy. It too felt big, bigger than the Naughty Boy and stretched my tight hole as it slid in and nestled against my prostate. I turned the vibrator on and started rocking back and forth, enjoying the sensations and the feeling of being filled and stretched.

My little clit became wet with slime and I longed to be able to stroke it, make it hard, but knew I couldn’t.

As I rocked back and forth, I reflected on my life as the property of Mistress Cara. She has taken me to depths I never dreamed possible, keeping me constantly humiliated and denied. She has given me the worst thrashing I have ever had, she has fucked me with her strap-on, she cuckolds me and can reduce me to a quivering, sobbing wreck with her devastating verbal humiliation.

Mistress insists that I wear a bra and panties every day and that I wear a butt plug every evening before going to bed in my sissy pink nightie. When I am allowed to stay at her fabulous Manor House I become her house maid, cleaning and tidying the kitchen, serving her drinks, ironing and sorting her clothes. At bedtime I sleep on the floor by her bed while she uses her real man to give her all the pleasure she so richly deserves.   

The thought of my divine Mistress impaled on her real man’s cock soon produced a slither of slime from my useless clit, which will never satisfy any woman, let alone my adored Owner.

Despite the constant humiliation and frustration, I know that I am so lucky to be her slave and my pleasure and pride far outweigh anything else.

She has taught me so much, to care only about my Mistress and not about myself. I have learned that there is so much more pleasure to be had than just from being whipped and punished.

I still have much to learn and I fail my Mistress far too often, usually with simple tasks.

Despite my uselessness and stupidity Mistress still tolerates me and allows me to visit from time to time, though since moving to the Manor she is living her life to the full and has little time or inclination for her pathetic cuckold.

I absolutely adore her and live to serve her and try to please her. My greatest wish is to become her full time maid at the Manor. The chance came so tantalisingly close a few weeks ago, I simply cannot give up hope.

I have absolutely no idea what Mistress Cara thinks of her slave or feels about me. I simply do not know why she keeps me, but I am so grateful that she does.

Recently I was overjoyed to spend the weekend with Mistress Cara at her home, the fabulous Manor House.

I was given various household tasks to complete and in the late afternoon I was in the kitchen washing up and cleaning. Mistress Cara walked in with Mistress Harlot who shares the Manor House. They shut the kitchen door and I was told to strip naked and kneel at Mistress Cara?s feet while she showed Mistress Harlot my tiny, useless clit. They both laughed and humiliated me, making me stroke it to get it hard. As usual, I was so nervous and ashamed, it failed me completely. This amused them even more and Mistress Cara unleashed one of her fearsome verbal tirades at me. I physically shrink when she does this, it is overwhelming.

She then told me that Mistress Harlot would beat me with her selection of whips, crops and paddles. I was ordered to bend over the kitchen table as Mistress Harlot took aim. She started gently at first, warming up my ass cheeks. Soon the strokes increased in severity and I was told to count each one and thank Mistress each time.

Mistress Harlot continued to beat me using her selection to great effect, while Mistress Cara looked on with amusement. She soon took over, beating me rhythmically, steadily increasing the force of the strokes.

I remained bent over the kitchen table, counting each stroke, thanking Mistress each time. I felt humiliated, ashamed, but overwhelmingly overjoyed to be used by Mistress Cara for her amusement. I have always felt safe when she punishes me, and I felt just as safe with Mistress Harlot. 

I was then ordered to kneel on the floor with my reddening ass in the air as the continued to take turns to land blow after blow on their pathetic, snivelling slave.

As the pain increased in severity I began to cry and sob uncontrollably, as I always do when Mistress Cara humiliates or punishes me. It is not simply the pain, though at times I was nearing my threshold. It is rather an outpouring of pent-up emotion, of relief, of indescribable love for my Mistress, my Owner. I love to be used and humiliated by her, for her amusement and pleasure. The fact that she is a dacryphiliac only adds to her enjoyment.

Abruptly, unexpectedly the beating was brought to a halt when another member of her family tried to open the kitchen door. I was told to dress quickly and still choking back my tears I stood behind Mistress as the door was opened. I then had to make tea for them while my head was spinning from the sudden change from whipping boy to teasmaid in seconds!

Mistress left with her friends and I was instructed to carry on with my duties.

I was full of mixed emotions, humiliation, shame, pain of course, but also great pleasure, pride, joy, happiness.

Normally after such a beating, Mistress Cara is generous in her care and concern for her slave, giving hugs and comfort as I recover. That alone makes my suffering worthwhile. There was of course no time for that this time but I was still able to compose myself and carry on with my chores while I pondered over the events.

This was a taster of what my life would be like if I am ever able to move into the Manor full time, or even for a few days at a time. I can expect to be used and then cast aside like an unwanted toy, while Mistress Cara moves on to other more interesting pastimes.

It made me feel just exactly what I am, her property, to be used as and when she wishes, by whomsoever she wishes.

As always, despite the underlying feeling of humiliation, of shame, of uselessness, my overwhelming feeling was of sheer joy, of pride and happiness. It all felt so natural, so normal. Since becoming her property over a year ago I have become more and more certain that this is the real me, a slave, a submissive, a chattel.   

Recently I was overjoyed to spend the weekend with Mistress Cara at her home, the fabulous Manor House.

I was given various household tasks to complete and in the late afternoon I was in the kitchen washing up and cleaning. Mistress Cara walked in with Mistress Harlot who shares the Manor House. They shut the kitchen door and I was told to strip naked and kneel at Mistress Cara?s feet while she showed Mistress Harlot my tiny, useless clit. They both laughed and humiliated me, making me stroke it to get it hard. As usual, I was so nervous and ashamed, it failed me completely. This amused them even more and Mistress Cara unleashed one of her fearsome verbal tirades at me. I physically shrink when she does this, it is overwhelming.

She then told me that Mistress Harlot would beat me with her selection of whips, crops and paddles. I was ordered to bend over the kitchen table as Mistress Harlot took aim. She started gently at first, warming up my ass cheeks. Soon the strokes increased in severity and I was told to count each one and thank Mistress each time.

Mistress Harlot continued to beat me using her selection to great effect, while Mistress Cara looked on with amusement. She soon took over, beating me rhythmically, steadily increasing the force of the strokes.

I remained bent over the kitchen table, counting each stroke, thanking Mistress each time. I felt humiliated, ashamed, but overwhelmingly overjoyed to be used by Mistress Cara for her amusement. I have always felt safe when she punishes me, and I felt just as safe with Mistress Harlot. 

I was then ordered to kneel on the floor with my reddening ass in the air as the continued to take turns to land blow after blow on their pathetic, snivelling slave.

As the pain increased in severity I began to cry and sob uncontrollably, as I always do when Mistress Cara humiliates or punishes me. It is not simply the pain, though at times I was nearing my threshold. It is rather an outpouring of pent-up emotion, of relief, of indescribable love for my Mistress, my Owner. I love to be used and humiliated by her, for her amusement and pleasure. The fact that she is a dacryphiliac only adds to her enjoyment.

Abruptly, unexpectedly the beating was brought to a halt when another member of her family tried to open the kitchen door. I was told to dress quickly and still choking back my tears I stood behind Mistress as the door was opened. I then had to make tea for them while my head was spinning from the sudden change from whipping boy to teasmaid in seconds!

Mistress left with her friends and I was instructed to carry on with my duties.

I was full of mixed emotions, humiliation, shame, pain of course, but also great pleasure, pride, joy, happiness.

Normally after such a beating, Mistress Cara is generous in her care and concern for her slave, giving hugs and comfort as I recover. That alone makes my suffering worthwhile. There was of course no time for that this time but I was still able to compose myself and carry on with my chores while I pondered over the events.

This was a taster of what my life would be like if I am ever able to move into the Manor full time, or even for a few days at a time. I can expect to be used and then cast aside like an unwanted toy, while Mistress Cara moves on to other more interesting pastimes.

It made me feel just exactly what I am, her property, to be used as and when she wishes, by whomsoever she wishes.

As always, despite the underlying feeling of humiliation, of shame, of uselessness, my overwhelming feeling was of sheer joy, of pride and happiness. It all felt so natural, so normal. Since becoming her property over a year ago I have become more and more certain that this is the real me, a slave, a submissive, a chattel.   

It has been 31 weeks since my Owner, Mistress Cara, allowed me to have a ruined orgasm. Since then she has, from time to time, allowed me to milk myself to drain my sissy slime from my useless baby balls.

Usually Mistress makes me wait 4 to 5 weeks between each opportunity. This time however, for various reasons I found myself desperate after just 3 weeks. I have been very stressed at work lately and, combined with my twice daily edging of my useless tiny clit and my daily anal training with a butt plug, I found myself extremely frustrated and stressed. I also have been missing my adored Mistress as it has been several weeks since she has had the time to spare to see her pathetic slave.

On Friday I could bear the strain no longer and begged for permission to use my Naughty Boy prostate massager to drain my filth at the weekend. Much to my relief, on Saturday Mistress Cara very kindly agreed to my request. As is the case when Mistress is whipping me or inflicting other punishment on her property, she is able to gauge exactly how close I am to my limit, and I am certain the same applied to my heartfelt plea.

The fact that Mistress Cara is able to judge so precisely gives me great confidence in her and I rarely need to use my safe word. It is true to say that I would trust her with my life, such is my faith in her and in her ability.

Mistress Cara had told me to milk at 8.00 pm and I spent the early evening with my butt plugs inside me, as the invariably heighten my frustration and desperation as well as making my tiny clit begin to ooze my sissy slime.

After almost a year of training, I still find having to use butt plugs intensely humiliating and distasteful but of course that is, I am sure, the purpose of them. I persevere with my training because it is what my Owner wishes and also because I live in hope that she will again wish to fuck me with her strap-on and I am determined to be able to take it.

At 8.00 I took out my large butt plug and slid the Naughty Boy inside me. It slid in all too easily and felt comfortable and comforting. I could feel its vibrations on my prostate and I began rocking gently forwards and back. I viewed the video clips that Mistress Cara has posted on YouTube so I could hear her soft voice and see her incredible beauty. I miss her so much, the clips are a great comfort to me during the weeks when I am unable to visit her.

Sure enough after 15 minutes of rocking back and forth, I felt some slime slither out of my useless clit. I was so relieved but was still desperate to drain more out. I paused briefly to eat up all of the filthy rancid mess, feeling intensely humiliated and ashamed of myself. I knew my Mistress would be with her real man while I was eating my own filth like a feral animal.

Undeterred and driven by desperation, I resumed my attempt to milk more slime, this time viewing the collection of photos of Mistress Cara that she has kindly allowed me to keep on my pc.

After a further 15 ? 20 minutes another dribble of puss escaped from my clit. Once again I licked it up before removing the Naughty Boy.

I felt so grateful, so relieved that tears were streaming down my face as I tidied up and put the massager away. I didn?t feel satisfied, far from it, I felt more frustrated than ever but at the same time a great weight had been lifted from me and I did feel calmer and less stressed than before.

I went to bed and again cried myself to sleep, tears of relief and gratitude.

I simply adore and worship Mistress Cara, she is my whole life. I was so pleased and delighted recently when she agreed to keep me as her property for a second year. I hope I the coming year that she will control me completely and absolutely and that I will learn the true meaning of being her full time slave, being used by her and her friends as she wishes, when she wishes, where she wishes. There is even a slim possibility that I may be able to live at the Manor House with her, which would indeed be a dream come true, as well as the biggest challenge I have ever faced. Here?s hoping?..

I beg You to allow me to update You on my training and humiliation progress.

As a matter of course, I wear my bra and knickers every day and my sissy nightie to bed every night. I automatically sit down to pee and paint my nails at weekends.

I edge my sissy clit each morning and at lunchtime too.

All of this seems normal to me now, though I still feel humiliated and ashamed, living in fear of being found wearing my bra at work in particular.

As well as being constantly humiliated, I am also constantly reminded that I am Your slave, that I submit totally to You and that You control me completely.

Every evening and at weekends I continue with my anal training, which is making slow but steady progress. I spend about 1 ? 2 hours each evening with one of my butt plugs inside me and up to 6 hours a day at weekends, including doing ironing and housework.

I am now able to use the big pink plug without too much pain, the smaller ones slide in with humiliating ease.

I still find it difficult to move around with a plug inside me but that too is improving. The main problem is that any plug, even the smallest seems to generate flatulence and I have not yet mastered the knack of expelling it without the plug being forced out too. I now simply take the plug out, let nature take its course then immediately reinsert the plug.

I find the anal training intensely humiliating and distasteful but I know it is Your wish so I persevere with my training. I also hope it will help prepare me for the next time that You wish to fuck Your sissy slave with Your strapon. I hope also that I will be able to use the Prostate Pro massager, which, at 2? diameter, is still too big for my tight hole.

With that in mind, Mistress Cara, may I please be allowed to buy the Titanmen Big Stuff medium butt plug / dildo. It is slightly smaller than the Prostate Pro and will help prepare me for that.

Mistress Cara, I regret that I am finding my permanent denial increasingly stressful and upsetting. I know that I do not deserve to have even a ruined orgasm, but I beg You to allow me to milk my sissy slime more regularly, every 2 or 3 weeks instead of 5 to 6 weeks at present.

My twice daily edging combined with my anal training has made me increasingly frustrated, stressed and unhappy. I beg You to allow Your slave more frequent opportunities to drain my slime from my useless balls.

While I relish and crave the total control that You have over me and revel in my total submission to my Divine Mistress, at times my frustration reaches breaking point. I beg You, Mistress Cara, to allow me to milk myself more frequently.

I have also been thinking of my future as Your slave, now that Your life has changed so dramatically.

I have been used to being Your personal slave, with little input from others.

Now that You live at the wonderful Manor with Your extended family I know that, as well as carrying out menial household duties, I will also have to submit to Mistress Harlot and to being humiliated by Your real man, if that is indeed Your wish. I will of course show them all due respect and obedience at all times.

I did enjoy being whipped by Mistress Harlot and it is in my nature to submit to any woman that You may wish. I am not at all sure that I could submit to a male Dom, as I do to You.

Of course, as You have already shown by cuckolding me, if You choose to use Your real man, or any man, to humiliate me and punish me then I am sure that I will grow accustomed to that as readily as I did to being cuckolded. 

I am so bitterly disappointed with myself that I am not able to become Your live-in maid. It would have been the chance of a lifetime for me, to live as Your full time slave. I am still looking for a suitable job so that I can at least move and be near to my beloved Mistress.

I was genuinely thrilled and delighted when You decided to continue Your Ownership of Your useless slave for another year. I simply cannot imagine how I would cope if You were ever to dismiss me from Your service. First and foremost You are my Mistress and Owner, but to me You are much more besides. You are the very epicentre of my world, my whole reason for existing. I adore You and worship You and am completely besotted by You.

Quite why You bother to keep me as Your chattel is beyond me, but I am eternally grateful that it amuses You to do so.

Mistress Cara very kindly gave me a surprise gift at the weekend, to celebrate the first anniversary of her Ownership of me. She Owns me and controls me completely, even insisting that I sit down to pee instead of standing. I was thrilled to receive a gift, though I know from previous gifts that they are usually meant for my humiliation. Sure enough these were no different! Last night I was given permission to try them out.

The first was an inflatable, vibrating anal dildo about 4? long and quite slim when deflated. It slid into my tight hole easily and felt comfortable until I began to inflate it. It soon became uncomfortable and felt huge inside me, pressing on my bladder. I turned the vibrator on and the different speeds felt good inside me.

The next item was a flexible set of anal beads about 6? long. The beads were quite small and again slid easily inside me. I could feel the tip deep inside and then began easing it in and out, enjoying the sensations as I fucked myself. I felt humiliated and ashamed and longed for my divine Mistress to be present to fuck me with her strapon.

What an unforgettable experience that was! The feeling of complete and utter humiliation, total surrender to Mistress Cara, together with complete and utter joy of feeling her deep inside me, feeling the warmth of her perfect body so close to me. Impaled by her strapon, I could feel her power, feel her very soul infusing me from within. I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably with all the pent up emotion flooding out of me.

The final item was fun, a tongue made of silicone, with a RO-80 bullet vibrator in it. I enjoyed teasing my sissy clit with the vibrating tip and soon became hard. I teased my baby balls with it and my perineum too.  Mistress Cara had also kindly permitted me to milk myself, so although the gifts were fun, they were not enough to drain my sissy slime.

It has been 4 weeks since my last milking and I was desperate to spill my vile filth so I prepared my Bad Boy prostate massager. It never fails me and slid in like a pair of old slippers, comfortable and reassuring.

I rocked slowly back and forth, enjoying feeling the tip of the Bad Boy on my prostate. Sure enough, as soon as I had pushed it in, a teardrop of slime appeared from my useless clit.

I continued rocking back and forth, replaying the events of last weekend in my mind like a video.

Mistress Cara has begun to cuckold me in earnest, now that she has a new man in her life. I had spent Saturday night on the floor of her bedroom while she firstly whipped me and humiliated me before she began using her real man?s cock for her pleasure, impaling herself on it just as she had impaled her sissy slave with her strapon. I had watched in awe and humiliation as they had writhed around the bed in various positions, ignoring my presence completely. I was enraptured by the sight of my beautiful Mistress, totally naked. I longed to be able to worship her divine body even while her real man was buried deep inside her. I longed to be permitted to lick her clean afterwards, to taste her sweet juices, mingled with her man?s.

Such thoughts and the Bad Boy soon produced a slither of rancid slime from my useless clit and I knew that whatever enjoyment I had from that would be stripped away as I reluctantly licked up all of my filth, as required by my Mistress.

I felt more frustrated than ever, humiliated and ashamed too, desperate to be permitted to have even a ruined orgasm, to feel my filth spurt out.

It has been 29 weeks since the last time and I do not think that Mistress Cara intends to allow me such pleasure ever again.

It may seem harsh and cruel and is unbearable at times, but the joy and pride of being her property, her chattel is a daily reward.

There can be few slaves who receive such great rewards from their Mistress, I am indeed the luckiest slave imaginable.

What a wonderful weekend! I celebrated the first anniversary of becoming the property of Mistress Cara with her at her fabulous Manor House.

Although Mistress had indicated that she would continue Ownership of me, I wasn?t at all certain that she would, given several unforgivable mistakes I have made in the past few months.

I would have been utterly devastated if Mistress had disposed of me, as is her right. Thankfully, for reasons best known to her, Mistress Cara has decided to keep me as her pathetic chattel.

I arrived at her new home at midday on Saturday and was immediately put to work ironing and sorting out all the clothes which were still in packing cases. I was delighted to carry out such a menial task as it also gave me the chance to listen to Mistress as she chatted and brought me up to date on her latest developments. In recent months her life has been turned upside down and she has made a new start in a new part of the country with new friends and lovers. I am just so pleased and relieved that my beloved Mistress is safe and well and enjoying her new start in life.

Mid afternoon Mistress Cara brought in 2 glasses of rum and lemonade and, to my surprise and delight, toasted her slave on the occasion of our first anniversary. We also exchanged gifts to mark the event.

Finally the ironing was done and while Mistress Cara relaxed with a glass of wine her sissy slave was set to work in the kitchen, washing up and tidying after supper.  I finished my chores at about 9.00 pm and was permitted to sit at Mistress Cara?s feet and enjoy a small glass of wine with her and her new found friends and lovers.

Around midnight, tired from a hard day?s work, Mistress Cara prepared for bed, with her real man. I was permitted to sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed. Before retiring the three of us had another toast to celebrate the start of my second year as slave to the most perfect Mistress imaginable. We started to reminisce about the previous year, when Mistress Cara had mark the occasion by giving her new property the thrashing of my life. She was prompted to do so again, ordering me to strip naked in front of her real man so that they could both laugh at the size of my tiny shrivelled little clit. I was then ordered to kneel on the floor, ass pointing up while Mistress selected her favorite whip, cane and paddle.

She then began to rhythmically beat me, determined to leave marks on her property. The strokes increased in severity and I gritted my teeth, determined to endure as much as I could. Though not as severe as last year, they certainly were painful. Just as painful was the verbal tirade of abuse and humiliation that accompanied the whipping.

It was this, as much as the pain, which finally reduced me to tears and uncontrollable sobbing.

After a few more strokes to remind me that Mistress is always in control, she relented and, as always after such a beating, comforted me and soothed me.

I crawled to my sleeping bag while my Mistress joined her real man in bed and proceed to make use of his hard cock for her pleasure and enjoyment.

I looked on, ashamed, humiliated, cuckolded and frustrated. Yet I felt so turned on, to see my beloved, perfect Mistress naked, enjoying such pleasure with a real man, pleasure that I will never be able to give her, or any woman.

Her smooth, milky white bottom hypnotised me as it rode up and down on the hard cock.

I desperately wanted to worship it, to worship my divine Mistress, even while she was impaled on her man. Instead I could only watch in awe, hoping that I might be ordered to lick her clean afterwards, to taste her sweet juices, albeit mingled with the taste of a real man?s cock.

Their lovemaking seemed to last forever, until finally satiated, they fell asleep, leaving me feeling frustrated, humiliated, cuckolded and extremely turned on.

I felt like a dirty pathetic peeping tom, I also felt like the luckiest slave alive, to be allowed to witness my Mistress, my Owner, in such intimate and private moments.

In the year that I have belonged to her, I have become totally, utterly devoted to her. Mistress has even called me besotted, obsessed. I take that as a compliment.

Mistress Cara is without doubt the most amazing person I have ever met, the more I learn about her, the more I suffer for her, the more I adore and respect her.

Quite why she bothers to keep such a useless, pathetic creature is completely beyond me but I am so proud and grateful that it amuses her to do so.

Happy Anniversary!

One year ago today, I became the property of my beautiful Mistress and Owner, Mistress Cara.

I am her slave, her chattel, for her to use as she sees fit. My sole purpose in life is to make her life easier in any way that I can.

It has been an unforgettable year with unbelievable highs, marred only by shameful lows caused by my own stupidity. Even so, it has without doubt been the best year of my life.

I am hopelessly devoted to my adorable Mistress and will do anything at all possible to please her.

Every humiliation, every punishment she inflicts on me is tempered by the sheer joy of serving the most perfect Mistress imaginable.

Thank You, Mistress Cara, thank You for allowing Your useless sissy slave to be Your property. I adore You and worship You and always will.

What an amazing Bank Holiday weekend! I was so lucky to spend the time with my beloved Mistress and Owner, the Mistress of the Manor, the adorable and unique Mistress Cara.

Once again she was moving house I had begged her to be permitted to assist her. She very kindly agreed and so I drove up to meet her on Saturday morning. Together with her new found girlfriend and new real man in her life, they are all moving into a fabulous Manor House, totally worthy of such an elegant and sophisticated Mistress.

Saturday was spent busy packing up her belongings before moving to her new home and then unpacking them again. Despite the hard work, I was delighted to be spending so much time with my beloved Owner.

The beds were hastily assembled and everyone retired for a much needed rest.

Sunday morning we were all up early to carry on with the task of moving all the belongings. By late afternoon we were all worn out, Mistress Cara in particular was in need of TLC from her girlfriend who gave her feet a much needed massage, while I brought much needed drinks.

A little later in the evening I was summoned by Mistress Cara and Mistress Harlot to the kitchen, where I was ordered to strip naked and kneel at her feet.

I was already trembling in anxiety and anticipation as I could see Mistress had a small assortment of her favorite whips, crops and paddles. It has been several months since she last had the opportunity or inclination to beat her useless slave, and I was locking forward to my punishment.

Mistress Cara started by slapping me hard on the face for failing to show her proper respect during the day. She then proceeded to verbally humiliated me, demanding that I tell Mistress Harlot how long it had been since my last orgasm as well as showing her my pathetic sissy clit.

They both laughed at me and enjoyed reminding me that Mistress Cara was satisfied by both Mistress Harlot and by her real man, while I was completely incapable of ever satisfying any woman, ever.

They then took turns in beating my ass with their whips and crops, enjoying seeing my sissy pink ass turn bright red as the beating continued.

For my part, I was humiliated and ashamed, delighted and ecstatic in equal measure. It has been so long since I have been able to grovel naked at the feet of my Mistress, to feel the sting of her whip and of her tongue. To have Mistress Harlot present was a real pleasure for me. It is not often a slave can expect to be used by 2 beautiful, skilled Mistresses.

Thankfully they were in too good a mood to give me a severe beating though I had to stifle my tears as my emotions overcame me.

All too soon the session had to end and as always, Mistress Cara was so kind and considerate when I finally gave in to my emotions. While I sobbed my thanks and gratitude she held me and hugged me and comforted me. One of the main incentives for suffering pain and humiliation is because I know Mistress will be there afterwards, truly a sign of a natural Domme.

It is nearly one year since she took full Ownership and control of me, she controls every aspect of my life and for my part I am completely, hopelessly devoted to the most amazing, beautiful unique person I have ever met. She is so powerful and Dominant, so persuasive and yet so undemanding. This past year has been the best of my life and I am so proud and so grateful to be Mistress Cara?s property.

It has been 24 weeks since my last ruined orgasm and 2 weeks since Mistress Cara allowed me to milk my pathetic sissy slime. I was delighted when she gave me permission to try out my new Dark Star Anal Vibrator. It was on special offer from the ever excellent sextoys.co.uk and was too good to miss.

It is quite short and stubby and slid in easily to my tight hungry hole. I kept it in while I did some housework, feeling humiliated and ashamed but hoping I would be able to drain some sissy slime from my useless little clit. Mistress Cara does not allow me to have orgasms, not even ruined ones, so I depend on being able to milk to drain my slime.

I sat in front of my pc and began to think of my wonderful Mistress. She controls every aspect of my life and ensures that I am humiliated all day, every day. I have to wear a bra and lace knickers, even at work and wear a sissy pink satin nightie every night.

I slowly increased the speed of the vibrations as I rocked back and forwards, feeling them go through me. I longed to be able to stroke my pathetic sissy clit but that is strictly forbidden when I am milking. I have to edge it twice every day anyway.

 A single teardrop of slime appeared when I slid the Dark Star in and as the vibrations did their work the tip of my sissy clit became wet with slime. I continued rocking back and forwards, hoping for more slime to dribble out. Sure enough after about 30 minutes intense concentration about a teaspoon of filth slithered out. Feeling disgusted and ashamed, I reluctantly licked the vile puddle up, feeling utterly submissive and totally controlled as I carried out Mistress Cara?s orders.

Despite feeling humiliated and ashamed I felt relieved to have been able to drain some slime from my useless balls even though it has left me more frustrated than ever.

Overwhelmingly I am proud to have obeyed my divine Mistress, proud to have pleased her and amused her.

Mistress Cara is simply the most perfect Mistress and Owner I could wish for. She is stunningly beautiful and elegant, kind and caring when she chooses, unbelievably harsh and cruel at other times. She is astonishingly intelligent and knowledgeable.

Mistress Cara is, quite simply, perfect.

What a relief! It has been 5 weeks since Mistress Cara permitted her useless sissy slave to milk my slime from my shrivelled baby balls, 20 weeks since my last ruined orgasm.

Last weekend I had begged Mistress to allow me to milk myself, but she chose to prolong my suffering by making me wait until Friday evening.

My baby balls were so full of sissy slime that every evening when I put my anal plug in, a large drop of slime slid out. I had endured as long as possible before begging Mistress Cara for relief. I know I will never have an orgasm again, so I look forward to being able to drain my slime by milking. After several failed attempts, I now seem able to drain enough by using my Naughty Boy prostate massager.

As soon as I got home on Friday, I prepared myself and the Naughty Boy. With just a small amount of lube it slid in straight away, and ad expected a teardrop appeared at once, but I needed to drain a whole lot more than that.  With the massager in place I changed my bed linen, enjoying the feeling of the massager inside me. It was already having the desired effect, my tiny clit was wet and sticky with slime.

With my chores finished I sat t my desk in front of my pc and began to rock slowly back and forth as I looked at the collection of photos of my Mistress and thought of how wonderful she is, how beautiful, elegant and powerful. It is nearly a year since I first met her, so much has happened in that time, humiliating tasks now seem normal and unremarkable, I have even learned to enjoy my butt plug training. Although the largest plug is still uncomfortable, I feel relaxed and content when I have them inside me, tangible reminders that I am wholly Owned by my amazing, unique Mistress.

As I rocked back and forth, feeling the vibrations of the Naughty Boy stimulating me, I thought of all that has happened, of the first time that Mistress Cara fucked me with her strap-on, how I squealed like a little sissy, begging for more. I thought of the first time that she thrashed me, leaving my ass black and blue for a week. I recalled too, with shame, the number of times that I have failed her, at times leaving her regretting ever Owning me. The most superb Mistress imaginable surely deserves better than I will ever manage.

I have tried my best and at times I hope I have been a worthy chattel, I am certainly totally devoted to my Owner and Mistress.

With these thoughts swirling round in my head, it didn?t seem to take long for a string of rancid looking slime to ooze out of my clit and into the waiting saucer. It is evil looking, like rancid butter, I wished I could throw it away. I continued trying to drain more out, it will be several weeks before I am allowed to try again. I stroked my clit carefully, not wanting to make it hard, but wanting to get as much filth out as possible. Another small dribble marked the end and, with the naughty Boy still inside me, I began the humiliating task of licking up the putrid mess in the saucer. I felt like an animal, licking up its own mess, felt ashamed and pathetic, a useless little sissy slave. Perversely, it also makes me proud, proud to be owned by and to obey my adorable Mistress. To say she means the World to me is simply the understatement of the decade. 

 It is a much used cliché, but I would indeed do anything I possibly can to please her.

Well, what an amazing, unforgettable few days I have had!

Mistress Cara had very graciously allowed me to accompany her and her real man to see the wonderful P!nk in concert in Coventry. I had booked a convenient nearby hotel for 2 nights, to make a break for Mistress and her hectic schedule.

We set off on Thursday morning for the drive to Coventry. Mistress Cara was already excited to be seeing her pop idol and was in great form. The trip was smooth and uneventful and we arrived at the hotel in time for a light lunch. It was a rather charming, if slightly faded place, set in its own grounds and sporting a health spa as well. Mistress seemed satisfied with my choice and spent the afternoon preparing for the concert.

We left in plenty of time for the short trip to the arena, arriving just as the gates opened. This meant we avoided all the crowds but had a 4 hour wait til P!nk appeared.

We spent the time observing the crowd and listening to the warm up bands.

Finally it was time and P!nk made a spectacular appearance, bungee jumping from a cage high above the arena. We all went wild with applause!! Fantastic!!

The rest of her show was just as impressive and enjoyable. All too soon it was over and we made our way out of the arena to the car park, which of course was jammed solid with 30,000 people all trying to leave at once!

Mistress Cara was beside herself with excitement and joy, beaming from ear to ear. I felt so lucky and privileged to be with her on such an emotional occasion, my Mistress looked radiant, just wonderful.

Friday was a relaxing, chill out day after the excitement of the night before. We had a late start then did some retail therapy before once again relaxing at the hotel and making use of the amenities on offer.

Mistress spent some time in my room, using my laptop to update her various social sites. It was wonderful just to be close to her again, kneeling at her feet, listening to her and recounting the events of the night before.

Despite the relaxed, informal atmosphere, I was determined to remember my lowly position and made sure I paid attention to her needs, offering drinks, fetching and carrying as required. Her real man is very tolerant and understanding and accepts my presence as her slave.

On Saturday, after a particularly long lie in, we checked out of the hotel and began a slow trip back home. Mistress Cara was still on a high from the concert and the short break.

Mistress Cara, my Owner, my Mistress and the centre of my universe very kindly permitted me to accompany her on Saturday for some retail therapy and lunch. We both enjoy these trips, Mistress because she can combine essential retail therapy with public humiliation of her useless pathetic slave. I enjoy it, of course, just for spending time in her delightful company.

Although outwardly relaxed and informal, I am always on alert not no allow myself to become too familiar and always to remember my lowly position as her property.

It was wonderful to listen to Mistress Cara?s news and gossip as we sat with a much needed cup of coffee. I could scarcely drag my eyes away from her as I listened intently to her soft sensual voice. She was dressed in tight black leggings and a pretty, low cut blouse which showed off her wonderful breasts to full effect.

After coffee we began a slow walk round various shops, buying various items which took her fancy. At one stage Mistress was stopped by a sales girl promoting skin care cream and asked if she would like to buy some. With a smile, Mistress looked at me and asked if I needed any! I could feel myself blushing as I stammered out an answer and could see the sales girl looking bemused! Thankfully Mistress moved away before anymore could be said.

With the shopping completed without further embarrassment, we made our way to a local pub with great views off the sea and ordered a light but satisfying meal.

I had the best view of all, still gazing intently at my beautiful, wonderful Owner. I mentioned that in a week or two it will have been one year since I first approached her and begged her to take me as her slave. So much has happened in that time, so many wonderful memories, so many unique experiences. I still find it hard to believe that Mistress Cara still chooses to keep me as her slave, that she chooses to allow me into her private life. I have learned so much and become totally devoted to serving my Mistress in any way I can. I have learned, and learned to love, the fact that there is so much more to being a slave than being whipped regularly. I feel my life is complete serving as Mistress sees fit.

All too soon lunch was finished and it was time for me to drive Mistress home. Once there she enjoyed the delicious locally grown strawberries that I had bought for her. They were huge, ripe, juicy and sweet.

I took my leave shortly after, happy and contented for having spent time with my Mistress.

On Sunday I was just starting to iron her laundry which she had given me when I received a text saying she wished to go out. I was thrilled, I had not expected to see her again until Thursday, so I drove over as fast as I could.

It was a warm sunny afternoon and we set off with her family to find a quiet pub for a coffee and to chill. The lunchtime rush was over when we arrived and found a table easily. Once again the atmosphere was relaxed as we chatted about her future plans.

Once again Mistress was looking very elegant, dressed in a light summery skirt and another low cut blouse. With her designer sunglasses she looked every inch the Hollywood star!

After several refreshing cordials we went our separate ways, her family choosing a McD, while once again I was delighted to stay with Mistress for some ?proper? food.

I couldn?t believe my luck, to spend so much time with my Mistress twice in one weekend. We enjoyed the meal, making idle conversation.

As the sun began to set I finally drove Mistress home and took my leave again. As I drove home I was so happy, felt so totally devoted to and Owned by my wonderful, beautiful, unique Mistress.

After spending weeks in the wilderness, Mistress Cara has allowed me to visit her and serve on 2 occasions recently. The first was to collect her from a business meeting in North London. I left work in plenty of time and arrived early, I was determined not to be late.

As it turned out, Mistress had finished early and I drove her to a nearby restaurant for much needed food and drink. I listened intently as she told me all of her great news. It has been several weeks since our last meeting and I had missed listening to her soft, gentle voice.

The meal over, we set off down the motorway, still listening intently. It felt wonderful just to be in her company, to be able to look at my beautiful Mistress I wanted the motorway to be grid-locked, just so I could spend more time with my adored Owner. As it was the journey took a couple of hours and by then Mistress Cara was feeling quite tired after a long day, so when we arrived at her home I simply escorted her inside and took my leave, happy and contented.

I received a text from her the next day, inviting me to stay Saturday night. I was so delighted, speechless with joy. Mistress Cara was having a belated birthday celebration for her real man, and I offered to supply a buffet and drinks.

Saturday was the hottest day of the year and I arrived mid-afternoon with the food carefully packed in a cool bag. The rest of the day and evening was spent in a relaxed atmosphere, enjoying the simple al fresco food and wine. I was careful to ensure that I was attentive and kept my Mistress supplied with food and drink as she required. I was determined not to make the same mistakes as previously and become too lax.

Later in the evening Mistress Cara instructed me to massage her feet as she relaxed and watched a tv programme. I concentrated on my task, shutting out the tv, and massaged as best I could. It felt wonderful to be serving my Mistress again, to be so close to her and to be privileged to join her family.

After the past few weeks I have realised my true position. I am her slave, her property, an object for her to use as she wishes, in any way she wishes. Finally realising that has made me much happier, which in turn will allow me to serve my Mistress much better too.

I took my leave on Sunday morning, having cleaned and tidied her home.

As a reward, I received a text when I got home, giving me permission to milk myself. It has been 13 weeks since my last ruined orgasm and 3 weeks since my last milking attempt. I had received a new prostate stimulator to test out and I washed and prepared it for use. It slid in easily and felt comfortable too. As usual, a small teardrop of my sissy slime leaked out, but I needed more. Mistress Cara had also given me some ironing to do, so I kept the stimulator in while I carefully ironed her delicates. I could feel the stimulator as I moved around and soon felt my sissy clit become sticky and wet as more slime oozed out.

I should have felt humiliated, my nails painted bright red, wearing my pink satin nightie with a massager buried deep in my ass as I ironed my Mistress?s clothes. Instead I felt elated, happy to be serving her, pleasing her, suffering daily for her.

With my chores finished, I indulged myself by holding my RO80 bullet vibe against the end of the stimulator. I could feel the vibes travelling up the plastic and onto my prostate. After a few minutes of this, with my useless clit still soft, a slug of slime oozed out. I felt so relieved and at the same time even more frustrated.

These are rather turbulent, stressful for times for me and they are having a bad effect on my servitude to Mistress Cara.

As well as continuing to exclude me from her life as punishment for my previous bad behaviour, she is also now busy arranging to relocate her entire family in order to start a new job some 100 miles away. So even without my ongoing punishment, she has little time to spare for her useless pathetic slave.

Both of these events have left me terrified about my future as her slave. It is inevitable that I will see less of her than previously. I have been so very fortunate to have been able to visit my Mistress after work, for an hour or so, as well as at weekends. Clearly that will no longer be possible. I am desperate to remain Owned and controlled by Mistress Cara, she is quite simply the most wonderful, amazing and unique person I have ever met. I will never forget the thrashing she gave me on our first meeting, I will never forget the first time she fucked me with her strapon, while I was crying like a baby, begging her for more. And I will never, ever remove the sparkly pink titanium nipple bars which she gave me as a special birthday present. With a new full time job and a new circle of friends I hope that Mistress Cara will still have time for her devoted, but useless, sissy slave.

My own life is in turmoil as well, with redundancy looming ever closer, which has added to my stress and distress as well as having a negative effect on my service to my Mistress. One moment I am happy and upbeat, the next down and deeply depressed.

Mistress Cara has kindly given me some secretarial tasks to lesson her burden as well as loaning me to Mistress Dee, a trainee Domme for her to hone her skills.

I had the great pleasure of driving Mistress Cara to meet Mistress Dee last weekend. Mistress Cara looked stunning as always, choosing to wear a revealing low cut blouse. It was wonderful to be able to chat with her while driving and waiting for Mistress Dee to arrive for their meeting. I was dismissed as soon as they met, but caught a brief look at Mistress Dee. She looked beautiful, also wearing a low cut top, tall and elegant. She seems to have a natural aptitude as a Domme. Asked by Mistress Cara to punish me, she devised a very simple but effective punishment and very humiliating too.

I was again summoned to drive Mistress Cara home and exchanged a few brief words with Mistress Dee. I am sure that under Mistress Cara?s tutelage she will become a Mistress to be feared and respected.

It has been 12 weeks since my last ruined orgasm and 3 weeks since I was allowed to milk myself using my new Naughty Boy prostate massager. I am constantly frustrated and desperate to drain my sissy slime from my pathetic baby balls. Mistress Cara insists that I edge my tiny clit twice a day, which makes me even more frustrated.

I sent her a text begging to be allowed to milk myself this weekend and thankfully, on Saturday evening I received a brief text back giving her permission.

I had already given myself an enema in readiness for my daily butt plug training but instead I prepared the Naughty Boy massager. It slid in easily and as before, a little teardrop of slime appeared straight away. I could feel the tip of it pressing on my prostate and switched on the bullet vibrator and settled down. I slowly rocked back and forth, as before, feeling the sensations as I moved. I have learned that milking is not a quick process. I touched my little clit, not to make it hard but to help any slime escape. I was more comfortable this time, more relaxed and confident of success. Sure enough after 15 minutes a trickle of slime began to ooze out of my clit. I made sure it landed in a shallow dish as I knew I would have to recycle it all later. After another 5 minutes a large amount of evil looking yellow slime slid out. It looked disgusting, not like a real mans cum at all. My clit was only half erect and there was no spurting, so I judged the milking to have been a success. With the Naughty Boy still buzzing inside me, I reluctantly picked up the dish of rancid slime and licked it all up. I felt humiliated and disgusted, still frustrated and ashamed. Like a feral animal I have to lick up my own mess. At least it is in private with no witnesses.

Despite the intense humiliation I feel happier, knowing that Mistress Cara has taken care of my health needs for another few weeks at least.

Mistress Cara continues to humiliate me and punish me for my continuing poor performance.

She knows of a young lady who wishes to learn to become a Domme and has allowed her to use me for her training. It is also because Mistress Cara cannot bear to deal with me at present as she is so angry and disappointed with her property.

I was instructed to contact, via twitter, Mistress D, as I shall call her and to obey her instructions.

Mistress Cara also instructed me to tell Mistress D of my behaviour and to beg her to punish me as she saw fit.

Mistress D was rightfully indignant that I had upset my Owner and instructed me to kneel on all fours, with a butt plug in my arse and kiss the floor, practising for kissing Mistress Cara?s feet. I was then to keep the butt plug in all evening until I went to bed.

I felt humiliated and ashamed to be used as a training aid, knowing that my Mistress wanted nothing to do with me at present. At the same time, I was pleased to have to submit to Mistress Cara?s instructions and be used by another Mistress.

My problems have arisen thanks to my loose tongue and carelessness as I repeatedly make flippant and bitchy comments, which naturally anger my Mistress. I am merely her slave, her property and must learn not to speak without permission and then only respectfully.

On my return home from work I prepared for my punishment, giving myself a large enema before inserting the plug.

I knelt down, naked on the floor and began to kiss it, feeling the butt plug inside me. Already I felt ashamed and remorseful as I tasted the carpet. I thought of my Mistress as I continued, how wonderful she has been to me, how wonderful and unique she is.

I felt tears begin to roll down my cheeks as my shame and despair began to overwhelm me. I knew I looked a pathetic sight, on all fours, my arse stuck up in the air with the plug barely visible.

I continued kissing the floor, longing to be able to kiss My Owners feet and beg forgiveness.

For a novice Dominant, Mistress D had used a very effective punishment, reducing me to tears with little effort on her part. Surely she will become even more skilled in time. Once again I felt a shiver run down me at having to submit to a Mistress to whom I have only just been introduced. I am sure Mistress Cara will be pleased with her protégé.

After 30 minutes of kissing the floor, I resumed my evening routine, still with the butt plug firmly embedded in my slutty hole. I am writing this journal with it still deep inside me.

To add to my shame and humiliation, Mistress Cara has also referred me to the slave of an acquaintance, who is well behaved and knows his place. As well as being punished and abused by another Mistress, I am also to be tutored by a slave.

On Saturday Mistress Cara relented and allowed me to visit her and clean and tidy her house for her. It was the first time in 18 days that she had allowed me to see her, following my being thrown out for gross misconduct. The intervening weeks have been hell, albeit of my own making.

I arrived promptly, determined to make a perfect job of cleaning, not wanting to give Mistress any further cause to criticise me. She kindly spent a few minutes chatting to me before I started my chores. She looked wonderful, if very busy and I felt so ashamed of my previous behaviour. I diligently cleaned her home from top to bottom, pausing only briefly when Mistress came to check on my progress. I knew her eagle eye would pick up any errors or omissions.

All too soon my work was complete. I longed to be able to stay longer, to chat and relax as before, but I had single handedly blown any chance of that privilege for a long time to come. As it is, I am very lucky still to be her slave. As I took my leave Mistress Cara astonished me yet again by giving me a small gift. It was a Naughty Boy Prostate Massager. She told me to try it and report back to her.

I drove slowly home, cursing my earlier stupidity and lack of respect which had landed me in the mess I am now in.

The Naughty Boy was a very welcome gift as, among other strict controls that Mistress has imposed on me, I am denied any orgasms, even ruined orgasms. In fact it has been nearly 10 weeks since my last. Instead Mistress Cara allows me infrequent attempts to milk myself by prostate massage. So far I have been largely unsuccessful, despite a growing assortment of plugs and dildoes and it has been 5 weeks since my last attempt.

On Bank Holiday Monday I texted Mistress, begging to be allowed to try out my new toy. Thankfully she kindly agreed.

I prepared myself by having a large enema to clean myself out. Although I have got used to enemas as part of my anal training, I do still find them humiliating but necessary.

That done, I prepared the Naughty Boy with plenty of lube and it slid inside my tight hole oh so easily. I sat on a low stool and switched on the 80mm bullet vibe which is included in the package and fits snugly inside the massager.

I could feel the vibes on both my prostate and perineum and as usual a small tear drop of sissy slime appeared when it slid in. I hoped that there would be much more than that!

I began rocking gently back and forth, feeling the sensations moving inside me. Without touching it, my pathetic little sissy clit began to get hard.

 I varied my position, leaning forward, sitting upright and leaning backwards with my arms behind me supporting me. This gave the best result and I began a steady rhythm, thrusting forwards and back. It reminded me so much of the blissful time when Mistress Cara first fucked my arse with her strap-on. I kept thinking of that as I rocked back and forth.

A couple more teardrops appeared at the end of my sissy clit, but I was desperate for more. By now it was hard and I was worried that I might end up having a ruined orgasm instead of the milking I needed. That would have meant instant dismissal, with no appeal. Clearly that thought had the desired effect and my pathetic clit shrunk back to it normal useless size.

After 15 or 20 minutes of steady rocking, without warning, a rush of vile looking slime oozed out and into the waiting dish. There was no orgasm, no spurting or spasms. Just a milking, as ordered by my Mistress. I carried on for a few moments more, enjoying the last of the sensation, eyeing the vile mess in front of me. I knew what I had to do. With the massager still inside my slutty hole, I picked up the dish and began to lick all of my disgusting filth with my tongue. It tasted revolting. Fresh man cum may be pleasant but 10 week old sissy slime is not fit for human consumption. I felt humiliated and revolted, an animal licking up my own mess.

There seemed an endless amount, all of it sticking in my throat as it made its way back to my baby balls.

Even so, I gave silent thanks to Mistress Cara for giving me the gift and for allowing me to use it. I was so relieved that I now have a means of milking myself, I hope and pray that Mistress won?t make me wait 5 weeks til the next attempt.

Mistress Cara has decided to humiliate me and continue to sissify me at the same time.

I received a text from her last night instructing me to wear a butt plug to work today.

The text in itself was very welcome, as I have been in exile for 2 weeks as punishment for my recent behaviour. In that time Mistress Cara has hardly had any contact with me, knowing how much I depend on her for every aspect of my pathetic life.

So it was with a mixture of emotions that I read her text. I was so relieved that I was again able to serve my beloved Mistress, at the same time very nervous and anxious at having to wear a plug to work.

Despite months of regular anal training I have not been required to wear a plug for more than an hour or so at most. Until last weekend I had not even ventured outside my home with one.

I chose one of my smaller plugs as I knew I would be more likely to keep it in. the very fact that I had any plug in would be humiliating and challenging enough to start with.

I slept fitfully last night, my mind churning over the turn of events.

I woke early and prepared myself, having a large enema to ensure cleanliness. Although Mistress Cara had said I had to wear the plug to work, she did not expect me to wear it all day. However I was determined to wear it at least until lunchtime, when I have to edge my pathetic clit.  

I had packed a ?first aid? kit of wipes and spare knickers for when I had to remove the plug.

I drove carefully, nervously to work, feeling of every bump and pothole in the road. Thankfully I was the first to arrive and I made my way carefully to my desk and made myself comfortable before my colleagues arrived. Already I felt humiliated, ashamed and dirty, a pathetic pervert dressed in lacy bra, knickers and a butt plug. I also felt incredibly relieved that Mistress Cara had set me a task, felt incredibly turned on at having to submit to her will. Given the choice, I would not have worn a plug to work, but I have no choice, I am her slave, she Owns me and controls me completely. If I refused to comply I would have been shut out of her life forever.

I get so aroused, so passionate at having to obey it simply overwhelms me, overwhelms my humiliation and shame. I am her slave because I want, I need to be controlled by my wonderful Mistress.

I sat at my desk, trying not to move about too much, feeling the plug inside me. I made a point of texting Mistress Cara and tweeting my feelings, as much for her enjoyment of my humiliation as to tell the world what a pathetic useless sissy I am.

As luck would have it, Mistress Cara has taken ownership of a new slave and I sent him a tweet to welcome him to such an exclusive club. I hope he will not make the mistakes I have made but will enjoy being owned as much as I do.

The morning passed quickly enough, thanks mainly to the texts from Mistress. It was time for my statutory midday edge session. I made my way to the toilet and locked the door. I have to edge twice daily, in the morning and at noon. This is my least favorite time, it feels sordid and dirty, like a pervert in public toilets.

To my shame when I took my knickers down my pathetic clit was already half hard and oozing sissy slime. Just having the plug in had aroused me. I quickly stroked my clit and all too soon reached the edge. It is 9 weeks since my last ruined orgasm and I dare not lose control. I waited a few minutes, my useless clit bobbing up and down pathetically. The plug still seemed firmly in place and so I decided to leave it in for the rest of the day, if possible. I carefully wiped the slime off my clit and pulled my trousers back up and went back to my desk.

I felt ashamed and dirty, humiliated and frustrated.

I reported to Mistress and was so delighted to receive a reply in which she said she would understand if I took the pug out now, but would be pleased and proud if I kept it in all afternoon. What more incentive did I need!

Growing in confidence I went for a short walk, about 10 ? 15 minutes, trying hard not to look  as if I had something stuck up my arse. Which I did, of course! When I got back to my desk I could feel my clit was wet and sticky again, the plug having the effect of milking my prostate. I must be careful about that, Mistress Cara has now even forbidden me to try to milk myself. Instead I am to wait until I have a wet dream in bed at night. I now have to sleep in a silky nightie and I have already found that I wake up with my clit wet with slime, so its only a matter of time before I wet myself completely.

Finally it was time to go home. I even began to enjoy feeling the bumps and potholes moving the plug inside me.

When I got home I reported to Mistress and begged to be able to keep the plug in all night, to spend a full 24 hours plugged. She very kindly agreed and said how pleased she was with my effort. Those kind words make all the humiliation, frustration and shame simply melt away. To know that I have pleased my Mistress is priceless.  

It has been 7 months since Mistress Cara took Ownership of me, by jointly signing an Agreement which set out both of our rights and duties. I have no rights and many duties, Mistress Cara has every right and few duties.

 Since then she has been slowly but surely taking full control of my mind, body and soul.

I won?t list all the control she has again, I?ve done so previously, but they range from the inconsequential, such as having to eat brown bread, not white, to more serious, such as denying me any orgasms for months at a time.

Taken in isolation, each control measure is tolerable, even enjoyable and would allow me to live a normal vanilla lifestyle. I have enjoyed each one as it has been implemented, longed for more, at times even begged Mistress Cara to take total control.

The cumulative effect, however, is definitely life and mind changing.

Every minute of every day I have a tangible reminder that I am merely a slave, an object owned by my Mistress.

I have always slept naked, not anymore, Mistress wishes me to sleep in my pink satin nightie.

I cannot leave my house without wearing my lacy bra and knickers. At weekends I must paint my nails bright red.

 Even when at home, I have to sit down to pee, not stand up.

The most onerous control is without doubt my long term chastity and denial. Although I gave up hope of ever pleasing any woman with my pathetic little clit many years ago, I do still yearn for an orgasm, to spurt my sissy slime from my hard clit. At times this denial is unbearable, as I also have to edge my clit 2 or 3 times each day, bringing my self to the very brink before having to stop. As a result I am permanently frustrated, sometimes to the point of wanting to scream out loud.

Mostly I am so very happy to be controlled, humiliated and denied by my beautiful, kind, caring Mistress. I love submitting to her, knowing that whatever she wants I will have no option but to obey. 2 months ago Mistress announced that she wanted to have both my nipples pierced. At first I was reluctant as I had never wanted any piercings. All too easily I complied, really turned on by having to submit, against my instinct, purely to please my Mistress. My piercings have since become my proudest possession, a real symbol of her Ownership. I adore them almost as much as I adore Mistress Cara. 

There are times, when I am feeling frustrated or despondent, when I fleetingly think, fuckit, have a wank, shoot my slime out, Mistress will never know. Buy some white bread, leave my bra off. How will she ever know? But she will know, instinctively, by my attitude, my texts. What would be the point of deceiving her anyway? I would only be fooling myself.

The answer is to give up all control, whatever control I have left, submit totally to my unique, awesome, powerful Mistress.

I love the everyday reminders of her control and ownership and I would be completely lost without my Mistress. I will forever be her property, her slave, even if she should dismiss me. I will never serve anyone else.

Mistress, you have me, mind, body and soul.

"You are always first and foremost a slave. In life, to women and as long as I put up with you, to Me. You're my slave, you work hard, you have no rights, you exist purely to make my life better in any possible way. That is your entire reason for being."

This was sent to me by Mistress Cara, my Owner and Mistress.
It is my mission statement, my credo. I only hope I am up to the task.

I have been excommunicated, exiled by Mistress Cara for gross misbehaviour and my life now is empty, worthless, hollow.

Mistress is ignoring me completely, knowing that is the worst possible punishment for her useless ungrateful sissy.

I am in limbo, on pause. I sent Mistress a brief text each day, which is ignored. I avidly read all of her tweets and of course her excellent blog, trying to glean snippets of information. I am like a leper, an outcast, looking in through a window ay my beautiful Mistress, longing to serve her again, desperate to make amends for my recent behaviour and attitude.

Although ignored, I am, thankfully, still Owned by Mistress Cara and I am very much still under her complete control, all day, every day.

In the months that she has Owned me, she has stripped away almost all of the control that I once had over my life.

I wear lacy knickers every day; I used to wear a bra, until Mistress had my nipples pierced. Once they are fully healed I am sure I will have to wear a bra again. I have to sit every time I pee, not stand. At weekends I paint my nails bright red or pink.

I have to edge my pathetic clit 3 times every day, but am denied any form of orgasm. It has been 8 weeks since my last ruined orgasm and my attempts at milking my prostate have been less than successful. I find that the midday edging at work is so humiliating and shamefull, having to wank my little clit in the toilet. The morning and evening edgings are a mix of pleasure and frustration, leaving my clit sticky with slime and desperate to spurt my built up slime. At times I feel like screaming in frustration, tearing my hair out.

I continue to practice with my assortment of butt plugs, conditioning my tight hole so that, when she chooses, Mistress Cara can fuck me with ever larger strapons as she continues to feminise and sissify me. I can regularly take most of them, though the large pink butt plug is still very tight and painful. It is humiliating to fuck myself with them, but I do so, longing for the time when my Mistress will once again fuck me, the most amazing experience that I have ever had. 

Mistress Cara has control of me in other, more mundane ways too. I am no longer allowed to eat white bread, wholemeal or granary is her choice. If I wish to have some wine at home, I have to seek her approval first. When I accompanied Mistress for a meal in a pub or restaurant she has taken to ordering my food for me, without giving me a choice. She does not care to micro-manage her slut, instead she expects me to obey her wishes every day. So I am free to choose which pair of frilly knickers I wear each day, which colour nail polish to use. The more Mistress takes control of me, the more I love it. the feeling of total submission is wonderful, what I have craved for years. Even the occasional thrashings are welcome, though the pain is intense. It is all worthwhile to see the smile on her face, to know how pleased my Mistress is when inflicting pain and humiliation on her sissy slave.

Despite still being under her control, I am in a living hell, denied the oxygen of contact with my Goddess. I would do anything to turn the clock back, to expunge my errors, to correct my attitude. I had become complacent, taking my frequent visits for granted. I had become to friendly, forgetting my real purpose, my only purpose in life is to serve my Owner in any way she pleases.

Although she has not yet dismissed me outright, I am by no means in the clear, I am still terrified that, after weeks of excommunication, she will summarily disown me.

Shortly after writing this, I received a text from Mistress Cara.

It seems that she may be prepared to allow me one last chance to serve her, to be Owned by her, but under much stricter conditions than before.   

She has not said for definte yet, but I am hopeful of a reprieve.

"Being a male chastity slave is not all about foot worship, sucking pussy and kissing ass. Its not even all about tease, tease, tease till you are ready to explode.
No, theres lots of mundane domestic things for you to do. Clean the kitchen. Vacuum the apartment. Ironing. Wash the dishes. All with your pinny on.
Because this is real life, not some fantasy."

Not my words, but I have finally realised how true they are.
How much more rewarding my life will be now.

It seems that my in-built self destruct button may have finally gone nuclear. L

For several weeks my behaviour has been appalling, causing Mistress Cara to become extremely angry and disappointed with me.

I had taken time off at the start of this week to spend 2 days serving her, hoping to begin to rebuild her trust and confidence in her sissy slave.

Monday started well enough, I arrived at her house at the appointed time and began to wash the dishes while Mistress chatted and prepared to go into town. I drove her the short distance to the local shopping centre, listening attentively to her every word and trying to be as respectful as possible.

We parked the car and walked to the piercing parlour where just 5 weeks previously mistress Cara  had had my nipples pierced. Today it was her turn, she had decided to have her navel pierced, together with a more intimate piercing. The same friendly girl assistant was on duty and quickly took Mistress into the treatment room while I waited. After only a few minutes the deed was done and Mistress Cara emerged with a pleased look on her beautiful face. She confessed to being in some pain so we walked slowly to have a reviving cup of coffee while she told me all about it.

We then made our way slowly back to the car and I drove to a favourite pub for a much needed lunch. My good intentions began to unravel, as a careless, thoughtless remark once again upset my Mistress. It was only meant as an inoffensive comment but I should have thought carefully before speaking. The damage was done. After lunch I drove Mistress home. She was in some pain from the double piercing and in any event was tired of her useless sissy already. I carried out some more household tasks before being sent home in the early evening.

The day had not gone as I had hoped, despite my best intentions I had once again upset my beautiful, kind Mistress. As a demonstration of her kindness and patience she had allowed me to return the next day as planned.

Feeling ever more determined, on Tuesday I again called on her at the appointed time. I was expected to give a thorough spring clean to her house, another area in which I had become far too lax lately. As always I washed the dishes first then took Mistress a cup of coffee. We discussed some planned events to which Mistress was eagerly looking forward, and to which she had graciously invited me. Once again, I opened my mouth and put my foot in it. As soon as I spoke I realised I had once again made a terrible mistake. I had completely misjudged Mistress Cara?s intentions and wishes and as a result she was simply furious.

I hastily excused myself and began to clean and tidy, hovering and cleaning the bathroom. It was too late, the damage was done. Mistress called me downstairs and in an icy voice ordered me to leave at once. I could hardly speak to beg for forgiveness, could hardly hold back the tears of shame and anger at myself. It would have done no good, again Mistress ordered me to leave. I hastily left and made my way home, distraught beyond measure.

I could scarcely see my way home through the tears welling up. Worse was to come, when I was at home I receivedl a text from my beloved Mistress saying was considering dismissing me from her service. I sobbed my heart out, though it was no more than I deserved. Mistress has dismissed other slave for far less, why should I expect any different treatment. My behaviour of late has been appalling, becoming over friendly and casual in my manner. I have only done the bare minimum of housework, just enough to get away with.

I adore and worship my Mistress, and always will. She has made me so happy, submitting to her, being humiliated and cuckolded on a daily, continual basis. She has allowed me unprecedented access to her private life, such a rare and cherished honour. Yet I still want more, loose sight of the fact that I am her slave, her property, nothing more. In fact I am just that, nothing. A pathetic useless being, not a man, not a woman either. A freak of nature, who can never satisfy a woman, and who longs to be fucked in the arse by my beautiful Mistress.

Mistress Cara only keeps me as her property because it amuses her to do so. Or rather did amuse her. Now I am living in real terror of being finally dismissed, sent away for all time. It is a very real prospect.

At present I am in limbo, on freeze frame, my life on hold while Mistress decides my fate.

It is horrible, the worst punishment imaginable.

Mistress Cara ignores me completely, knowing how it hurts me. No texts, no tweets, nothing, yet I am expected to send brief, daily texts, knowing they will be ignored. It sounds easy, but believe me, it is not. I know I will have to endure this for days, weeks probably. Only then will Mistress decide my fate. She has done this to other slaves, most simply disappear even before being formally dismissed and are never heard from again.

I must endure.

I must show my true devotion and submission to my amazing, unique Mistress. I deserve all of this and more. There are no words to express my shame and regret, they would fall on deaf ears anyway. Mistress is in no mood to listen to pathetic excuses from a pathetic sissy.

I spend every minute of every day hoping, hoping.

I have spent the Easter weekend in company with Mistress Cara, as always enjoying serving her and doing menial chores for her, more of that later.

On Good Friday I was invited to join Mistress and her real man for an enjoyable drive in the country, visiting various pubs for a quiet drink, soaking up the atmosphere at each one before moving on. It was very relaxed and enjoyable, chatting to Mistress Cara about both scene and vanilla topics.

Eventually we ended up at a very reasonable restaurant and enjoyed a late lunch, all of us choosing a fish dish of some sort, purely by coincidence.

We drove back to Mistress? home and settled down for a quiet evening, watching various dvd?s and having a chilled glass of wine as well. Mistress was looking wonderful, although still suffering slightly from a nagging cough from earlier in the week. She was lively and as always took delight in humiliating with a quiet word whenever she chose. I was very happy, simply being in company with my Mistress is a great delight and honour and I made sure to remember my duties, keeping her glass filled, clearing away and washing up as required. I was once again permitted to sleep on the floor of her living room when she retired to her bed with her real man.

Saturday dawned and we had a lie in until 9.00 or so. Her real man had been called to work, so the rest of the morning was spent chatting with Mistress, being given instructions to create a new blog and discussing how best to do that. In the afternoon a brief visit to my own home was in order, to allow me to shower and change clothes. Mistress Cara accompanied me, to give her a break from being cooped up in her own home. While I showered she relaxed on my sofa, watching tv. After a brief stay I drove Mistress back to her home, taking the makings for supper with us.

I am not the best cook, with only a limited repertoire but I managed to cook chicken fajitas which thankfully were gratefully received by all. What a relief! Once again I slept on the floor while Mistress Cara enjoyed the delights of her real man.

On Sunday Mistress stayed in bed until 11.00, enjoying a well earned break from her daily routine. I took my leave shortly after lunch so she could have more quality time alone.

Shortly after I returned home however, I received a curt text from Mistress, saying that I had failed in my duties as her sissy maid. Apart from washing dishes I rarely do any further housework unless instructed. I admit that I have become slack and slovenly, enjoying rather too much simply being in the company of my Mistress and forgetting that my sole purpose in life is to serve her and make her life easier.

In future on each visit I will have to present a list of chores that I must do, for Mistress to check and inspect. I feel ashamed that I have let my Mistress down, that I have taken advantage of her kindness in allowing me to visit so often without carrying out simple household tasks that, as her sissy slave I should do automatically. From now on Mistress will be monitoring me closely, I do not dare to make any further mistakes.   

So today, Monday I have been at home, working on various projects set for me by mistress Cara. To help me focus and to further my training, I had a large enema at lunchtime and then throughout the afternoon I used a series of ever larger butt plugs while doing my chores. I ended up with the larger pink one, which had defeated me for so long. It is still a struggle to push it in, but practice makes perfect, I hope!

Ah, sweet ecstasy! Last night the supremely divine Mistress Cara gently teased and caressed my newly pierced nipples. What a wonderful sensuous feeling, what a rare gentle moment for me to savour. It only lasted seconds, a minute at most, but I will treasure it for a long time. Mistress was really only feeling them to see how they were healing. As she did so I looked into her deep brown eyes, hypnotised by the closeness of my perfect Mistress. Typical of her care and concern, she was very gentle, not wishing to harm them until they are fully healed and the permanent rings have been fitted. Then it will be a different story, I am sure. Or perhaps she was giving me a brief taste of Paradise, only to deny me evermore, leaving me longing for more.

I had spent the day with Mistress Cara and her real man, taking them both on a special shopping trip. They were both delighted with the purchase and were very gracious in their thanks. Moments like this make all the pain and suffering of being a slave all worthwhile, to be able to please my Mistress.

Afterwards we stopped at a pleasant pub or a drink before returning to Mistress Cara?s home, where I had been invited to stay the night. I prepared a seafood risotto and had brought some fine wine as well. It was the first time that I had been permitted to stay the night since my recent bad behaviour and I was keenly aware that I was very much still on probation. Although I have been punished by Mistress I knew that I had to rebuild her trust in me, so I was determined to behave correctly at all times.

As if to test me, Mistress Cara reclined in her chair and languidly rested her bare feet on the arm of my chair, just inches away from me. I longed to be able to rub them, to massage them but first I wanted to show that I could resist the temptation. I stared her perfect feet longingly but kept my hands firmly in my lap. Mistress Cara repeated the test several times, each time I resisted until I begged for permission to rub them. With a smile bright enough to light up the room, Mistress Cara kindly gave me permission. I eagerly set to work, rubbing and kneading each foot in turn, taking great care not to allow my hands to stray onto her legs.

The evening wore on in a relaxed, informal atmosphere but I was careful to remember my lowly position and made sure that Mistress Cara?s drink was kept topped up and that of her real man before I begged to be able to fill my own glass. I am unbelievably lucky to be permitted to share such wonderful times with my equally wonderful Owner.

It has been an unforgettable week for me, devoted to serving Mistress Cara every day. For my birthday, on Tuesday, she had arranged for me to have both my nipples pierced so that I could wear her nipple rings as a symbol of her Ownership of me, and as a symbol of how deep under my skin she has embedded herself. What a unique gift from a unique Mistress. I felt so proud and pleased. The next day was less enjoyable, when I was, justifiably, harshly thrashed as punishment for recent unforgiveable behaviour. As harsh and painful as the punishment was, it did not compare to the shame and remorse that I felt for failing my divine Mistress. My ass was left black and blue, but will soon fade. My shame and regret will take much, much longer.

I could not wish to serve a more perfect Mistress, she is so beautiful and elegant, charming and caring, harsh and cruel, intelligent and knowledgeable. Mistress Cara allows me unprecedented access to her, visiting her home twice a week to carry out household chores as well as other menial tasks. And yet I wanted more, like a spoiled brat. I feel so ashamed.

The rest of the week passed in a daze of bliss and enjoyment, taking Mistress on shopping trips, enjoying pub lunches and planning her hectic summer schedule with her.

The week culminated on Saturday when, accompanied by her real man, I drove them to chose a replacement car for their family needs. Afterwards, to celebrate my birthday, mistress Cara  had graciously agreed to spend the night at my home. Cancelling plans for a meal in a posh restaurant in favour of a cosy evening at home, I had organised a lovely Chinese take away meal. I was so pleased when Mistress said that it was quite the best she had had. The huge amount of food defeated even her real man and we settled in for a relaxed evening watching dvds and drinking a varied selection of alcoholic beverages.

I was so thrilled to have my Mistress and Owner staying the night at my home, I made sure to keep her glass topped up and to change the dvd as required. I could hardly keep my eyes off her, she looked radiant and relaxed, enjoying the break from her own home routine as much as being wined and dined by her slave.  By the early hours of the morning we had all talked ourselves to a halt and Mistress Cara went to sleep in my bed with her real man, while I happily slept on the floor of my own living room.

After a leisurely breakfast it was time for Mistress Cara to return to her own home, so with a heavy heart I drove her there and after thanking her profusely for an unforgettable week I took my leave of her.

The highs and lows of the week have only served to strengthen my resolve to serve her and worship her to the best of my ability and to care only for her needs, not mine. Without her I am useless, worthless, I would have no life at all. The more I know Mistress, the more deeply devoted to her I become, the more I crave to be humiliated, teased and denied, cuckolded by her. My heart aches every time that I am away from her. Thank You, Mistress Cara, thank You.

What a difference a day makes! Yesterday was pure pleasure, having my nipples pierced as a gift from my Owner, Mistress Cara.

Today was a day of shame and punishment. In recent weeks my behaviour has been unacceptable, for a variety of reasons. Mistress had told me that she would severely punish me, when the opportunity arose. For several weeks I have been nervously waiting for my well deserved thrashing, as well as beating myself up mentally for failing my beloved Mistress. I have had several severe thrashings from her before and though they are delivered calmly and under her complete control they are savage and brutal. Amongst her many other talents, Mistress Cara is an expert with a variety of whips, crops and paddles. I knew that my backside would be black and blue for days afterwards.

And so it was, I met Mistress and drove her to my home. We went inside and I was asked if I knew why I was to be punished. I replied that I did. I was instructed to change into my pink sissy maid dress and then to crawl back into her presence.

Without further ado, Mistress Cara ordered me to kneel in front of her. She quickly fitted a large ball gag to muffle my cries and then told me to lift my dress up. With my bare behind exposed, Mistress began the punishment. At first she used gentle strokes with a new horse crop that I had bought for her yesterday. As she felt the weight and balance of it, she steadily increased the severity. She told me that she would give me 10 strokes, and then began. They were hard and stinging and began to hurt immediately. I tried to count them and to thank Mistress each time, but the gag muffled me.

When the 10 strokes were up, Mistress changed to using a vicious 12 tail flogger and began a steady rhythm on both my cheeks and thighs. I yelped and gasped as each blow fell on me and before long I was sobbing loudly. Although the pain was intense and very real, I was sobbing with shame and disgust at myself for failing my wonderful Mistress.

She changed back to the riding crop, again setting up a rhythmic cadence, ensuring she covered all of my ass and thighs. By now I was sobbing uncontrollably, scarcely feeling the thrashing being carried out so expertly. That is not to say it was not severe, it was, as severe as any Mistress Cara has given me.

My pain was all in my mind.

I am so completely devoted to my Mistress, who allows me unprecedented access to her, and yet I had behaved unforgivably. She has owned me for 6 months and in that time she has become my whole life and yet I still had wanted more. In the weeks while I was waiting for this very punishment, I had been so angry and frustrated with myself, at times I felt that a thrashing would be superfluous, that my own mental anguish was more than enough punishment. The time delay has also given me time to reassess my position and desires and I have become even more determined to serve Mistress Cara as she wishes, not as I wish. My wishes and desires are clearly irrelevant, it is Mistress Cara?s pleasure that counts, not mine.

Having my nipples pierced yesterday as a gift was all the inspiration and reassurance that I needed. It has convinced me, finally and irrevocably, that I will be able to remain as Mistress Cara?s slave in the long term, providing of course that I do not give her any cause to dismiss me, as is her right.

My pierced nipples are symbolic of her Ownership of me and of her long term commitment, and also, to my mind, symbolic of the way that she has got under my skin and into my psyche. I think of her morning, noon and night.

Finally Mistress Cara relented and I was aware that the thrashing had stopped. As a final humiliation and punishment, Mistress tried out her new ?zapper? electric cattle prod. It delivers a sharp sting when touched to any part of me. I yelped and jumped in shock each time, as Mistress laughed gleefully.

 She allowed me a few moments to compose myself and then permitted me to massage her feet while she told me in no uncertain terms what would be my fate if I misbehaved again. I managed to mutter my thanks, still fighting to control my sobbing. Driving back to her home I was still unable to speak, the lump in my throat making it impossible. Only an hour later was I able to speak with any confidence. I have no doubt that in the morning my ass will be bruised black and blue and will remain so for a week or so. My own anguish will last much longer than that.   

6 months after taking full Ownership of me, as her property, and just one day before my birthday, Mistress Cara gave me the most wonderful gift imaginable, as a permanent reminder of her Ownership of me. This morning she accompanied me to a local piercing shop, which she had previously checked out for cleanliness and suitability. Her gift to me was to have both my nipples pierced! When she had first mentioned the idea I had been reluctant, having never wanted a piercing before. However, my desire, my craving, to please my Mistress was so overwhelming, my need to submit totally to her wishes meant that I soon readily agreed , even more so when Mistress Cara told me that she had never bestowed this honour on a slave before.

So we went in to the shop and asked for both my nipples to be pierced. I was quite calm, not nervous. My only doubts had been about the length of time it may take to heal completely, which can take up to 12 months.

The young assistant was very friendly and not at all phased by the request. She showed us a selection of bars which are needed initially before progressing to permanent rings. Mistress Cara  was delighted and highly amused to select a pair of pretty pink titanium bars, just right for her sissy slave.  We were both led into the treatment room, where the assistant began to prepare my nipples, as well as showing me the seal in the needles she would use, to prove they were sterile. All very reassuring and professional.

I lay on the table and looked steadily at Mistress Cara, feeling calm, seeing how much she was enjoying herself. She was also taking photos, to savour later. I hardly felt the first bar go through my left nipple, the local anaesthetic doing it job. The same applied to my right nipple, and within 10 minutes the deed was done! After listening to a few tips on cleanliness form the assistant, we were on our way. I walked gingerly at first, not wanting to rub the nipples, and after an hour or so the anaesthetic had worn off completely. Apart from a slight glowing sensation they felt fine, no real pain, just a little tender. Driving to a local pub for a much needed lunch was a little difficult as the seat belt tended to lie right over my left nipple, but I managed to drive right handed and keep the belt off with my left hand.

After lunch we visited a nearby equestrian supply shop, which I had visited previously and noted that they sold solid looking riding crops at very reasonable prices. Mistress Cara was again delighted to select a suitable  crop in red, which I am sure she will use very shortly to turn my ass the same colour. I will see her again tomorrow for a well deserved thrashing for my earlier bad behaviour and I know that, birthday or not, Mistress will not spare me.

For now, I am so happy, so proud, overwhelmed by the amazing gift and symbol that my Mistress has given me. I know that it will spur me on to yet another level of devotion submission to the most amazing, most perfect Mistress any slave could wish for. Thank You, Mistress, thank You!

Finally, finally, finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At 05.00 this morning, after 4 months of futile and ever more desperate attempts, my tight little hole surrendered and was invaded by my big pink plug!!!!!!!!!

I had been unable to sleep, and following last night?s attempt I decided to make use of the early hours. I quickly prepared the black inflatable plug and it slid in with little resistance. I left it in for several minutes to acclimatise to it and then began to ease it in and out, to stretch my hole in readiness for the invader.

Once again I used an excess of lube, to give me peace of mind if not for necessity.

Taking the inflatable out I quickly and firmly shoved the pink plug in, before my hole had time to close. As usual it went in easily for ¾ of the way and then felt resistance. I kept pushing, ignoring the pain and with a final gasp of pain I felt it sucked in!!

I felt out of breath, and so relieved, I was shaking, trembling. I have tried so many times and been defeated, now finally I have succeeded! I left it in for several minutes, enjoying the sensation at last. Then came the equally hard task of easing it out, which was almost as painful as going in. my tight hole seemed reluctant to give up its new found friend. Finally it did and I prepared to go to work, feeling everso slightly tender, but quietly pleased.

I know that Mistress Cara will have an even larger one ready for me when I next see her, but I was delighted to receive a kind text from her.

I have just got home and will soon try the plug again, to get used to it and to be sure I wasn?t dreaming!!

It seems that my inbuilt self-destruct button has activated again. I spend all my time striving to serve Mistress Cara as she requires, as she deserves. Then I make simple basic errors which quite rightly leave Mistress Cara furious with me, and leave me feeling sick to my stomach and shaking with fear of being dismissed. I have seen Mistress dismiss slaves for minor errors and I always know that it is a very real threat which leaves me terrified.

This time I have made 3 unforgiveable errors in as many weeks and I know that I will be punished severely for each one next week when I see Mistress Cara.

Mistress Cara has recently taken a very pretty young woman as her lesbian lover, and has understandably been spending much of her free time with her. Although I have been delighted for Mistress, I have struggled to acclimatise to the reduced amount of time that Mistress has for me. As a result I had another fit of the sulks, behaving like a spoiled brat.

I hated myself for behaving like this but could not help myself. I am so devoted to Mistress, so besotted by her beauty, elegance, power and dominance, I crave more and more of her time.

Mistress kindly allowed me to visit her last Saturday night and stay the night. We had a very relaxed informal evening, which was heaven to me. And yet I managed to disgrace myself yet again, instead of being content to massage her beautiful feet, my hands strayed without permission, which resulted in a stinging slap on my face, which brought me to my senses.

In a final act of stupidity on Sunday morning I failed to properly clean and tidy the kitchen cupboard, which I had noted the previous evening.

As a result Mistress Cara has banished me, refusing to allow me to visit her this evening despite my attempts to apologise during the day via texts and twitter. In many ways this is the worst punishment, I adore my Mistress, and eagerly look forward to each and every meeting. However I know that the real punishment will be meted out next week. Mistress does not bear grudges, but the punishment will be harsh and brutal, yet delivered calmly and in a controlled manner.

So tonight I am at home, feeling miserable and dejected, ashamed of my behaviour, contemplating next week with real fear. To try to take my mind away, yet again I tried to insert the large pink butt plug which has so far defeated me. I have recently been using an inflatable plug, only slightly smaller than the pink plug. I hope that its size will finally stretch my tight hole enough to take the larger one. I used plenty of lube on the inflatable plug and it slid in quite easily, with just a twinge of pain. I partially inflated it and left it in while starting to write this journal. I have used it previously in my attempts to milk myself. Tonight however I merely wanted to use it to conquer the big pink plug. After 10 minutes I started to ease it in and out, stretching my hole with the widest part. I used excessive amounts of lube on the pink plug and tried to slide it in. as always, it will go in ¾ of the way before the pain becomes too much to bear. I cried out as I tried to force it in, determined to succeed tonight. Yet again I had to admit defeat and feeling more dejected and humiliated than ever put it away for another attempt tomorrow.

What a relief! What bliss! After 80 days of denial and chastity, Mistress Cara very kindly has allowed me to have a ruined orgasm to drain my sissy slime from my pathetic baby balls.

It has been 80 days since my last ruined orgasm, since then, despite my best efforts, I have only been able to drain one or two drops of slime at a time from my pathetic clit.

I have tried to be able to massage my prostate using a variety of toys, but have been unable to find the ?sweet spot? needed. I have also been able to coax one or two drops out while edging, but I feel so nervous at getting so close to losing control. I know Mistress Cara would be greatly upset and angry if I were to lose control at any time and spurt my filthy slime without permission.

During the period of denial, Mistress Cara has continually cuckolded me, at first by telling me how often her real man satisfies her, in ways of which I can only dream, how she loves to feel his huge cock buried deep inside her. This alone has left me feeling intensely frustrated and humiliated, teased and denied. Mistress loves to use her favourite toy, her Sqweel, which gives her multiple clitoral orgasms whenever she wishes. Once again she has taken great delight in telling me how wonderful it is, how strong and powerful her orgasms are. It has been so humiliating to know that Mistress much prefers to use a sex toy rather than allow her pathetic slave to try to satisfy her.

Mistress Cara has now also found a very pretty, sexy young girlfriend and recently they have spent much time together, indulging Mistress Cara?s lesbian needs, which are every bit as strong as her need for her real man. She has delighted in telling me how many orgasms they give each other during their sessions. I am truly pleased and delighted that Mistress has found a suitable girlfriend as I know how important that aspect of her life is. I know that as her slave I will never be able to satisfy her needs and desires as her real man and girlfriend can. But it has left me feeling intensely frustrated, as each week passed by, being unable to milk myself and drain my baby balls.

Yesterday seemed to be the final straw, after a particularly erotic session with Miss Kitty, and learning all the delights from Mistress, I was at my wits end and could take no more. I begged and pleaded to be allowed another ruined orgasm, my first in 80 days! Thankfully Mistress Cara very kindly agreed, perhaps still satiated in the afterglow of her own multiple orgasms.

In no time at all my little clit was hard and ready to spurt its vile slime. In order to minimise my own pleasure, I was using a small pink vibrator on my clit, running it over the sensitive head and around my balls as well. The powerful vibrations soon had me right on the very edge and for once, instead of having to stop I held the vibrator tightly against my baby balls until I could feel the first spurt of slime. I quickly took the vibrator away and watched helplessly as my pathetic clit danced uselessly in the air as it spurted out all my pent up sissy slime and frustration.

What a relief, what bliss, even a ruined orgasm felt so good after such a long time. It was heavenly! I felt so relieved, as if a great weight had been lifted and yet it wasn?t over yet. Mistress Cara is keen on recycling and so as soon as I had finished spurting I scooped up as much of the vile yellow slime as I could and licked it up while it was still warm. It tasted disgusting and yet so good!  I lapped it up, thanking Mistress Cara while I did so.

I quickly sent a text to her, thanking her for her kindness and generosity. She replied that in future I will be permitted one ruined orgasm for every 50 orgasms that she has! That seems a very fair ratio and given her voracious appetite and her many ways of having orgasms I am sure that I won?t have to wait 80 days before my next ruined orgasm.

Recently Mistress Cara has been cuckolding me on a daily basis, at first by texting me with details of how her real man pleases her, more recently she has found a pretty young girlfriend and has taken great delight in telling me the fun and games that they have with each other?s sexy bodies. At times it is almost too much to bear, knowing that I will never be able to please a woman, any woman, with my pathetic little clit. And yet I am also so happy and pleased that Mistress Cara now has all aspects of her life catered for. She has her real man, her pretty girlfriend and her sissy slave, all complementing each other in satisfying her disparate needs and passions. I am so proud and honoured to be a part of her life. Any humiliation and frustration that I may feel is overwhelmed by knowing that I am pleasing my astounding Mistress.

I am totally devoted to Mistress Cara and submit to her every wish and command, however humiliating and degrading it may be. In recognition of this, Mistress has very kindly decided that she will have my nipples pierced and that I will wear her nipples rings as a reward and as a permanent sign that she owns me, mind, body and soul. I couldn?t be happier if I were to be knighted by the Queen. When she told me that she has never bestowed such an honour before, I nearly cried with joy and pride.

I took Thursday and Friday off work and spent the entire time with Mistress Cara. On Thursday we went to the local shops and as well as more mundane items, Mistress Cara surprised and delighted me by choosing a pretty pink nightie for me to wear as part of my ongoing sissification, Mistress then led me to a tattoo and piercing shop. She had identified it as a possible place to have my nipples pierced and wanted to set her mind at rest as to the risks involved, the time taken to heal etc. Another fine example of her kind, caring attitude. She may well demand much from her slaves, but she is always concerned for their well being and health. We went into the shop and asked the very friendly assistant all the questions that had been on both our minds. The woman was very reassuring, open and honest with her answers, giving us both confidence.

We left and drove to a lovely pub on the river for a relaxed lunch. Mistress Cara had chosen to wear a shirt and waistcoat with tight black jeans. As always she looked beautiful, but on this occasion she had surpassed herself. The shirt was unbuttoned to her waist, allowing her superb cleavage to be on full display. As we entered the pub all eyes were on her, the men looking lustfully, the women with disapproving looks. We sat at a table and I could hardly take my eyes off her magnificent breasts, so soft, white and perfect. Quite how they did not escape from the confines of her shirt I do not know. ?I couldn?t help gaping at her breasts. They were incredible, so creamily pale spilling out from her shirt.? They were so inviting, I longed to bury my face between them, to worship them and feel their inviting warmth.

After a delicious lunch I drove Mistress the short journey to my home, with the usual mix of excitement and anxiety. I love spending time at home with her, though these are the times when Mistress is able to treat me as harshly as she wishes, beating me, thrashing me, fucking me, humiliating me as she wishes. I felt particularly anxious this time as Mistress had shown me her new 12 tail leather whip, which she intended to try out on me for the first time. I knew that it would be very painful, but as always I longed to submit to whatever Mistress chose to do.

Mistress made herself comfortable and told me to try on the new nightie. I was pleased to do so, as it was 2 sizes smaller than previously so I was thrilled when it fitted perfectly! Mistress seemed pleased too, telling me what a pathetic sissy I was.

Then the moment I feared, I was told to strip naked and kneel down in front of Mistress. She warmed up my ass with her short suede flogger before using her new red 12 tail whip. At first she used gentle strokes as she got the feel of her new toy, they felt almost sensual as she draped the tails along my back in between strokes. Gradually Mistress increased the severity of each blow, using a figure of eight motion so that I was struck with a rhythmic cadence. She changed back to the short flogger, increasing the severity at the same time. It began to hurt now and I thanked Mistress Cara for each stroke. Using her new whip again, it became more and more painful, Mistress had stopped playing now and was laying down a pattern on my ass, my thighs and my back. Occasionally she would catch my tiny balls with one of the tails, causing me to cry out in agony. After several minutes she stopped and told me to kneel up and face her as she sat down. She produced a pair of nipple clamps which she carefully put in place and began to pull gently on them. At first it was a wonderful sensation and I felt my little clitty twitching with pleasure until Mistress began to pull hard, causing my nipples to stretch painfully. Mistress threaded the short length of string on each clamp through the lead attached to my collar and ordered me to kneel down again. She pulled the lead between my legs and looped it through her ankle as she began again with the 12 tail whip. The blows were hard and painful now, causing me to cry out in pain at each stroke. The pain in my nipples was intense as well, as Mistress skilfully pulled the lead with her ankle.

I gritted my teeth and put my head to the floor as I counted the strokes. I could feel tears welling up as the pain intensified and as I began to reach the limit of my endurance. Just when I was about to use my safe word, Mistress Cara stopped the beating of her own accord. She had read my body language so precisely, she knew before I did when I would reach my limit and had anticipated it to perfection. I was overwhelmed with amazement and respect. I have always felt safe with Mistress Cara, though she is capable of administering the severest of beatings, she is always in control of herself and of the situation. To be able to judge so precisely a slaves limits is very reassuring.

My ordeal was not yet over. Mistress again ordered me to kneel up and face her. She grinned delightedly as she gently held the two nipple clamps. Suddenly she removed them and pain shot through me as the blood rushed back. Without pausing to let me recover, Mistress firmly grabbed each nipple between her thumb and forefinger and pinched as hard as she could, twisting them viciously at the same time. The pain was intense, unbearable. I screamed for mercy, which always makes Mistress laugh. With just the slightest lessening of her grip, my pain turned to ecstasy, my little clit responded and became hard. I loved the feeling shooting through my swollen nipples, it felt fantastic. Just as quickly Mistress increased her grip again and agony returned. She toyed with me like this for several minutes, see-sawing from pain to ecstasy and back again. All the time I was looking at her beautiful face, alive with pleasure and power. My own pleasure fed directly off hers, knowing how much she was enjoying herself, how excited she was made my pain and suffering more bearable. I am in awe of my fantastic Mistress, how she can fine tune my emotions from pain and agony one second to ecstasy and bliss the next.

Finally she released my burning nipples and told me to edge my sissy clit while she watched with amusement. Thankfully this time my clit responded and became hard after just a few stokes. I stared intently at her magnificent cleavage, still on full display just inches away from my face. Soon my little clit began to ooze slime and I had to stop stroking. Mistress laughed at my feeble efforts and told me to stop. She instructed me to stay kneeling while she went to the bathroom. When she returned she dropped her sexy thong on the floor in front of me and told me it was soaking wet from her enjoyment of my punishment. I was delighted at such an obvious display of her enjoyment and excitement. Knowing how much Mistress gets from my suffering inspires me to endure more and more each time.

I drove Mistress home and spent the evening relaxing with her and her real man, before being permitted to sleep on the floor of her living room while she went up to bed to be satisfied in ways of which I can only dream.

On Friday morning I woke to the sound of a text from Mistress Cara, telling me to take her up a cup of coffee. I hurriedly dressed in my new pink nightie and took the coffee upstairs. Mistress look so beautiful snuggled under her duvet, with only her face showing. I knelt beside her, drinking in her lovely looks without a trace of make up on her. What a rare treat to see my divine Mistress still sleepy in her bed. After exchanging pleasantries I went to run her bath and then went downstairs to dress and do the washing up.

When Mistress was dressed we left to go to a nearby shopping centre, Mistress was keen to buy herself a new bra and other items.  We also looked in to another possible piercing shop, but were both put off by the attitude of the staff. Thankfully Mistress Cara said that she would not be having my nipples pierced there!

Mistress had fun in several shops, holding up dresses against me to see if they were my size and enjoyed humiliating me in front of passers by.

On the way to another shopping centre we stopped at a pet superstore as Mistress wished to buy a collar and lead for her new girlfriend, who is showing promising submissive tendencies, though obviously not to the same extent as mine. Mistress has found petshops and indeed ordinary supermarkets to be a great place to buy fetish and bondage items at prices far less than from fetish outlets. A bit of lateral thinking goes a long way!!  

We visited a couple of large department stores with Mistress trying several bras before settling on one which fit her perfectly. I was so pleased to be allowed to buy such an intimate piece for her, I even forgot to be embarrassed at the checkout!!

We had another late lunch in a favorite pub before buying some delicious fresh mussels for the evening meal.

Once again the evening was very relaxed and informal, once her real man had cooked the mussels to perfection. I was still ?on duty?, pouring wine as required and was allowed to sit next to Mistress Cara as she relaxed and to rub her feet.

I was again allowed to sleep on the floor, such a treat, I am so pleased every time that Mistress permits it.

On Saturday I drove Mistress Cara to do some food shopping and, after a final wash up in her kitchen I reluctantly took my leave. As I write this on Saturday evening I know that Mistress will be entwined with her pretty young girlfriend, enjoying each other?s bodies to the full.

I survived my toughest test to date, but only just!

It has been 10 weeks since my last, ruined, orgasm. In that time I have only managed to drain a few drops of my sissy slime by milking, so I was in any event desperate to drain some more, and feeling very frustrated.

Add in all the publicity about Valentines day and the fact that Mistress Cara, quite rightly, was planning a weekend of debauchery with her real man and her new found girlfriend and I was left feeling utterly frustrated, denied, desperate and cuckolded as well.

I begged Mistress Cara by text on Saturday to be allowed to try to milk once again, but she felt that it would be more fun to deny me.

I was at the end of my endurance, I had no distractions to take my mind off my frustrated state, no milking, no edging not even anal training was allowed for me.

I wanted to scream in frustration and desperation. I tried to watch tv to distract me, I went for a walk in the cold, I cleaned and tidied my home. But through it all was a nagging urge to milk, or worse, to steal an unauthorised orgasm.

I am truly devoted to Mistress Cara that I could never cheat on her like that. I felt truly happy that she was having a wonderful time satiating her needs. I did not dare to text her again, begging her to reconsider. It would appear to be whining and complaining, spoiling her perfect weekend, like some ungrateful child. Mistress Cara is always kind and caring, I felt I had to suffer in silence, as a devoted slave should.

On Sunday we exchanged a few texts, Mistress Cara cuckolding me with details of her Saturday evening fun with her beautiful young girlfriend. I tried to respond enthusiastically but Mistress knew something was upsetting me and asked what. I tried to explain without seeming ungrateful, but Mistress was adamant, I would not be allowed to edge or to milk. She spent Sunday with her real man, so now I was cuckolded again, imagining how he would pleasure her as I never could.

At work today Mistress again asked what was the matter and I explained in some more detail. She kindly agreed to allow me to either milk myself or to edge and drain some slime that way. But NO orgasm! She also told me I was to resume edging 3 times a day. I was so relieved, although edging is something of a double edged sword, I do manage to drain a few drops each time, more than my attempts at milking so far. But edging 3 times a day does leave me very frustrated!

I rushed home and eagerly set about edging, kneeling in front of Mistress Cara?s photos on my pc. She had also told me that I could use the newly bought nipple clamps, so I carefully put them on my sensitive nipples. They are to prepare me for when Mistress has them pierced, for her amusement and to mark me as her property, a great honour for me.

I quickly stroked my little clit until it was hard, then concentrated on keeping control while I edged and coaxed a few drops of my sissy slime out. The dull pain in my nipples helped take away the pleasure and I was able to edge for several minutes and sure enough a few teardrops oozed out. More than when I have milked, but not a full amount. I didn?t care, I was so pleased to have drained some out, to relieve the pressure on my tiny balls.

I had a lovely weekend, once again serving Mistress Cara, this time acting as her minnie cab driver while she enjoyed the company of her new found playmate. Mistress looked stunningly beautiful as she prepared to leave her home. I was left open-mouthed in amazement, lust and awe! So sexy, so elegant and so, so unattainable!

This week Mistress Cara has told me to once again concentrate on milking myself. It is 9 weeks now since my last ruined orgasm and apart from a few drops of slime I have not been able to drain my baby balls.

Mistress has very kindly given me a new, small prostate massager, similar to an Aneros, which has showed some promise. On Monday evening I wore it for several hours, getting used to the feeling. I felt relaxed with it inside me, but was still unable to produce more than a wet little clit.

On Tuesday evening I visited Mistress Cara briefly to collect some parcels that she needed posting as well as returning some laundry which I had cleaned and ironed.  Back home, as I got ready for bed, I slipped the little massager inside me, determined to keep it in all night. Even if I did not milk myself overnight, at least I would have worn it for longer than ever before. At first I had trouble getting to sleep, my mind was full of thoughts of Mistress Cara as well as feeling the massager inside me. Finally I fell asleep, still dreaming of Mistress, of course. She is taking over my life completely, controlling every aspect, from having me wear a bra and knickers every day to having my nipples pierced in the near future. I do not particularly want them pierced, but I desperately want to please my divine Mistress, so of course, they will be pierced.

I told Mistress Cara on Tuesday and she informed me that I would not now be able to milk again until next week, when I will spend two days with her. In the evening when I got home I begged to be allowed to try once more to milk, as the discomfort was becoming unbearable. After much pathetic begging, Mistress very kindly agreed to allow one more attempt. I quickly prepared my collection of butt plugs, massagers and even the 7? strap-on dildo that Mistress Cara had used to great effect when she fucked me.

I started with the small butt plug which slid in easily and turned on the vibrator. I could feel the sensations inside me and began to relax. I resisted the temptation to play with my little clit, as Mistress has forbidden edging this week, except when I am at work. I swopped the plug for the prostrate vibrator and tried the different speed settings, trying to find the one which felt the best. I also tried easing it in and out, again trying to find the ?sweet spot?, which had the greatest effect on me. After several minutes of trying I settled on a pulsing low speed and with the massager just inside me. I relaxed by looking at the wonderful photos of Mistress Cara on my pc, and feeling the slow deep vibrations inside me. They felt good and I could feel my juice building up in my baby balls. My little clit was still limp and soft. I used the small pink clit vibrator that Mistress had given me and gently moved it over my baby balls and scrotum. Combined with the massager inside me the sensations were wonderful and stayed like this for many minutes. I kept hoping that my sissy juice would leak out but apart from two or three little tear drops there was nothing. I hurriedly stopped using the pink clit vibrator as I felt the urge to orgasm begin to overwhelm me. In the past Mistress Cara has said that an anal orgasm would be permissible, but I am determined to learn to milk properly first. I continued with the massager, easing it in and out, but to no avail. Apart from the teardrops no more slime came out and reluctantly once again I had to admit defeat. I felt even more frustrated than before, desperate to have a ruined orgasm to drain all my slime in one go. As it is I shall have to wait one more week, making 10 weeks in all, and hope that Mistress Cara will be amused by milking her useless pathetic sissy herself.

During last Saturday?s session with Mistress Cara, she chose to introduce me to a new for of pain and suffering. Pulling me close to her as she sat on the sofa, she grabbed both my nipples between her fingers and thumb. She then proceeded to pinch them ever tighter, at the same time twisting them and pulling them. The pain was excruciating, her finger nails digging deep into my tortured nipples. At the same time it was a wonderful feeling, a shock running through me. I gasped for breath and gritted my teeth as Mistress tightened her grip.

Suddenly releasing me, Mistress Cara produced a pair of evil looking clamps which she carefully placed on each swollen nipple, pulling them to make sure the clamp gripped tightly. Once again the pain was intense. Mistress used her crop to lightly flick each clamp in turn, causing me to cry out in pain. I was so close to my beautiful Mistress, I could look deep into her eyes and see the pleasure and enjoyment she was having at my expense.

After several minutes of teasing and flicking she removed the clamps. What had become a dull aching pain suddenly became unbearable as the blood flowed again. Before I could recover Mistress Cara used her crop on my swollen tender nipples. The pain was almost too much, but it felt so good, I loved it. I loved feeling her fingers grapping me, twisting and pulling me, her face so close I could see her laughing and smiling at my pain and humiliation. What a wonderful introduction to nipple torture! When Mistress Cara has my nipples pierced in a few weeks, I am sure that I will become used to the feeling.

Also during the session, only the third real session that we have had, Mistress Cara showed her total dedication and sense of responsibility towards her slave. Without my having to use the ?safe? word, Mistress knew instinctively how close I was to my limit of endurance. She pushed me to that limit and then held me there before stopping. She was attuned to the tone of my voice, my breathing, my trembling and shaking and so could work out precisely how much more pain, humiliation and suffering I could truly endure.

I have never felt so safe, so confident before. It is easy for a Mistress to deliver the thrashing of a lifetime; it is completely different to do so in an utterly controlled manner. Of course Mistress Cara controlled me, she always does. She also controlled herself, and still left me beaten and bruised, close to tears of pain and joy, even more devoted than ever. I would willingly trust her with my life, indeed, she is my life. Thank You, Mistress Cara, for everything!

I had been eagerly counting down the days until Mistress Cara could spare the time to see me in private. Although I am blessed and spoilt with frequent and regular vanilla visits to serve her, it is true to say that both Mistress and I look forward to private sessions.

Saturday was no exception and Mistress Cara had some unfinished business with me. I had disgraced myself at Christmas and this was the first opportunity for me to receive my just punishment.

Mistress Cara had even allowed me to buy her a new crop for the occasion as she had broken her last one the previous time that she had thrashed me.  So it was with great anticipation and nervousness that I called at her house at the agreed time on Saturday afternoon. She let me in and once again I marvelled at her beauty, her new hair style really accentuated her classic looks, her generous red lips contrasting with her pale complexion.

I busied myself with doing the washing up while Mistress went upstairs to get ready. I waited patiently, kneeling on the floor of her sitting room until she came downstairs. I was dumbstruck, I could hardly believe my eyes. Mistress Cara looked stunning, so powerful and dominant. She was wearing a tight black pvc corset, a short pvc mini skirt with fishnet tights and pvc thigh boots. I could hardly speak, to tell her how beautiful and awesome she looked. From my grovelling viewpoint she towered above me, looking down at her pathetic little sissy slave. I simply couldn?t take my eyes off her, drinking every detail of her perfection.

Mistress allowed me a few moments, enjoying herself as she read the hopeless lust and desire in my face.

I finally managed to stand up and we drove to my home. Once there Mistress made herself comfortable and ordered me to change into my black sissy maids dress. I crawled on my hands and knees and hurriedly changed, crawling back with a glass of wine for her to enjoy.

Mistress was keen to carry out my punishment so without further ado she ordered me to kneel down and lift the back of my dress to expose my quivering arse. Without further warning she started to crop me, using hard strokes on each cheek in turn. All too soon I was begging for mercy, begging Mistress to use gentler strokes. This only served to anger her and the beating continued. I counted each stroke and thanked Mistress each time, but not quickly enough. She told me how useless I was, how I couldn?t even count properly as she continued with the beating. By now I was choking back tears, tears of pain and humiliation, tears of joy as well. Despite the pain I was so glad to be with my adorable Mistress, so glad that she was enjoying herself at my expense.

Finally she relented, but only to admire her handiwork and to take some photos of my striped arse which was already glowing red. I was instructed to lick her shiny thigh boots, taking the sharp heels in my mouth and sucking on them, licking the soles clean and tasting the grit and dirt on them.

Now she brought out her new crop and began to crop me with that, but disaster struck! On the first stroke the crop broke! Mistress Cara was livid, blaming me for buying her inferior gifts. Instead she set about me with her suede flogger, once again reducing me to tears. Finally she stopped and allowed me to compose myself while I fetched her a fresh glass of chilled wine.

While she relaxed and enjoyed it, she told me to fetch my butt plugs and dildos. I crawled back with them and started to insert the small plug while Mistress watched with amusement. Next I had to use the prostate massager, which slid in easily. I had to sit on it with it vibrating while Mistress verbally humiliated me yet again. Seeing her 7? black strap on amongst my collection, Mistress prepared it for use and, taking the massager out promptly fucked me with the dildo. She rammed it in and out until I squealed with pleasure. I was overjoyed at being fucked so hard once again by my Mistress, my Owner. I could feel her warmth behind me, hear her humiliating me once again as she fucked my tight hole once more. It felt so wonderful to submit totally to such a powerful, beautiful Mistress. My pleasure did not last long, she is determined that I will learn to take the medium sized butt plug and soon prepared that for my tight hole. Taking out the dildo she pushed the plug until I screamed for mercy. I have tried countless times myself, but it just won?t go in the final amount. It is not that much wider than the dildo that I love so much, but despite Mistress Cara?s encouragement I simply could not take it. I felt so upset, humiliated and ashamed. I desperately want to be able to take ever larger plugs and dildos, for now it seems I can?t.

Relaxing once more, Mistress Cara now made me edge myself while she once again berated me for my pathetic little clit, which is so small it cannot even be locked in a chastity cage. I tried to make it hard, looking at Mistress Cara, admiring her beauty and sensuality, but after the beating and the fucking my little clit failed me once again. I was left in no doubt as to her thoughts about her pathetic, useless sissy slave. Mistress then decided to change out of her tight corset and mini skirt and I helped to remove them and help her into a looser fitting black pvc dress.

Deciding to tease me remorselessly, I was instructed to lie on the floor while Mistress Cara slowly lowered herself onto my face. Her black lace thong pressed tightly onto my nose, making me struggle to breathe. I felt her smooth powerful thighs gripping my head as she proved her total control over me. She alone would decide if I should breathe, if I should see, if I should hear. My submission was total, complete. I was unable to move, didn?t want to move. I could feel her hot wetness, smell her intoxicating musk, hear her mocking voice. Occasionally I could catch a glimpse of her, her magnificent breasts trying to spill out of her tight corset, her smiling face looking down in disdain and contempt at me. She reached for a small bullet vibrator and proceeded to pleasure herself, using me as a cushion. I felt so frustrated, so humiliated, I desperately wanted to taste her juices, to use my tongue to please her. But I knew that Mistress preferred to use the vibrator than my tongue. Eventually she was satisfied and stood up, still mocking me, flicking my useless clit with the tip of her boots.

As she relaxed on the sofa I cleaned and tidied up and all too soon it was time to return to her home.

I had received texts from Mistress Cara during the day, telling me that she was having her hair styled and that she had received yet more gifts from devoted submissives and slaves. I would be visiting her in the evening to return her freshly ironed laundry as well as washing up and tidying her home. I was eager to see how beautiful she looked in her new outfits and with her new hairstyle.

Mistress Cara opened the front door and I nearly fell to the ground in amazement! She looked stunning, so beautiful. She was dressed in tight black stretch pants and matching lowcut top, but it was her face and hair that made my jaw drop open in amazement. I was lost for words, Mistress seemed to be glowing with health and pleasure. I stumbled inside and desperately wanted to fall to my knees and worship her there and then. I managed to stammer out my greeting, still taking in her new look. Her dark hair framed her already beautiful face, highlighting her lovely pale complexion. The tight clothing showed off her perfect body, leaving little to my fertile imagination.

I followed her into the lounge and sat at her feet while she told me of the day?s events. She had some wonderful news, for which she had been hoping for some time. This, together with her new look combined to make her look, and feel, even more sexy, desirable and powerful than usual. As she sat at her computer I could scarcely take my hungry eyes off her amazing cleavage which was displayed to maximum effect by her low cut top. Her breast are magnificent, utterly irresistible, utterly unattainable for a pathetic sissy such as myself. Soft, shapely and creamy white, I could only imagine their delights.

Mistress Cara was busy showing me the photos she had taken during the day of her new gifts and I hoped that she had not seen me staring at her.

The photos were amazing, so revealing and erotic. Mistress takes all her own photos and manages to achieve professional quality with imaginative and provocative poses.

She showed me a series showing her wearing a very skimpy red lace body, which left very little to my vivid imagination. I could feel my temperature rising, as well as my pulse. She next showed me her new red thong, which showed off her perfect derriere with nothing left to the imagination. Once again I was speechless, I must have been drooling by now. She showed me the remaining outfits, all equally provocative and erotic. She has now posted them on her facebook site for everyone to drool over.

Mistress Cara then made herself comfortable in her recliner chair and I begged to be allowed to sit at her feet and rub them for her. I must have hurt her, I was rubbing them so hard, I was so turned on by my Goddess. I kept looking up at her, marvelling that she should bother with such a useless sissy.

 I have never seen Mistress Cara looked so happy and contented, so beautiful and self confident, in the prime of life. She looked so feminine and yet so dominant and powerful. I was in awe, dumbstruck. Once again I realised that I am the luckiest slave ever, to be able to serve such an adorable and adored Mistress.

Mistress Cara has changed my weekly routine again, so I have resumed my anal training and stopped edging 3 times a day, now only once a day at work. I am also wearing a bra 24 hours a day this week.

On Monday I was given permission to milk myself as it has now been 7 weeks since my last ruined orgasm. In fact, as Mistress enjoys telling people, my last orgasm. Ever.

Thankfully I managed to milk a few drops of my sissy slime out of my pathetic clit so it seems that I am at last learning how to milk. This time I had laid on my bed and relaxed with my prostate massage humming away slowly inside me. After several minutes, lost in thought of my divine Mistress, a few drops of disgusting sissy juice leaked out. Nowhere near a full load, but enough to take some of the pressure off my bursting baby balls. I happily informed Mistress Cara who promptly shot me down in flames by telling me that I would not even milk myself for some time to come. I think she is determined to beat her current record of 9 weeks denial.

Today I resumed my anal training and as usual put plenty of lube on the small plug. It used to slip in easily, but after several days without training it took a bit of effort to go in. once in I eased it in and out, stretching my tight hole and then relaxed with it buzzing slowly inside me. I took care not to let it excite my prostate, mindful of Mistress Cara?s instructions.

While I waited I prepared her old 7? black strap-on, the one with which she had fucked me so memorably last November.

By now my hole was hungry and as I slid it in I once again fondly remembered how it had felt when Mistress Cara had been using it. I had begged her for weeks to fuck me and finally she had agreed. I had squealed like a piggy when she rammed it into me, begging her to fuck me more, begging her to keep pounding me. I loved feeling her hot thighs against mine, feeling her warm breath on the back of my neck, loved hearing her verbally humiliating me. All the time I was moaning and begging for more, tears running down my face, tears of joy, of humiliation, of ecstasy. I long for her to fuck me again, I hope one day she will.

Tonight however, I eased it in an out, trying to prepare for the medium size plug which has to date always defeated me. And so it was tonight. It will go in most of the way but no further. Its not much bigger than the dildo, but is hard with no ?give? and just will not go in.

I will be serving Mistress Cara again on Saturday and she has hinted that she needs to try out two new crops that she has been given. It has been a while since she has had the opportunity to beat me and I am sure that we are both looking forward to it. Although Mistress Cara exceptionally skilled at mental domination, I share her need to have a good physical domination session once in a while!

Mistress Cara, my divine Owner, is always seeking new ways to dominate me and humiliate me and in recent weeks it seems that she has found the perfect way. As well as owning several slaves online, Mistress has yearned for a female playmate, to satisfy her bisexual needs. She has now found a likely candidate, a very pretty young woman who lives in the next town. One night I noticed that Mistress was looking very flushed and aroused and she told me that she had been exchanging very steamy texts with her new playmate and was now a quivering puddle! I felt genuinely pleased that Mistress had found someone who seemed suitable for her needs. I knew that a woman would always take precedent over a slave, but felt that we would compliment each other rather than compete with each other, as Mistress would undoubtedly use her in different ways.

More recently Mistress Cara has been going into great detail as to what she intends to do with her playmate, games of which I can only dream. I thought no more of it, other than being privy to Mistress Cara?s private life.

I realise now, however, that Mistress intends to use her new friend to cuckold me, as she has spent this last weekend teasing and tormenting me with graphic details of how they will spend time together, satisfying their carnal lust and satiating Mistress Cara?s needs.

I found this to be very stimulating, my little clit dripping slime at each detail. The thought of two beautiful sexy young women entwined was almost too much for me to bear. After 6 weeks without any sort of orgasm, my baby balls are bursting with sissy slime and to make matters worse I still have to edge 3 times a day.

Mistress Cara has also told me that she will have my nipples pierced and I was already turned on at the thought of having to submit to her will. I don?t want them pierced, but I do want to obey and please Mistress Cara, so, they will be pierced. Ever since she told me of her plans, I have been walking round in a state of almost constant arousal, my sissy clit leaking slime almost continually. I found the thought of submitting to her to be very, very erotic, the culmination of my dreams.

I always knew that Mistress was an expert at mental domination as well as purely physical, this is what makes her such an exceptional Mistress, she can effortlessly dominate from afar.

 This weekend Mistress has increased the pressure even further, insisting that I tell her how I will feel to be cuckolded by two women, that she will tie me to the bottom of their bed by my pierced nipples and force me to watch them, they will use me as a mattress while they pleasure each other, oblivious to the pathetic sissy at their feet. Mistress laughed and told me she would then show her novice playmate how to thrash a slave, using me as target practice.

I had no option but to confess to Mistress how incredibly turned on I was by all of this, the thought of being cuckolded and humiliated, beaten and frustrated by two sexy women. I begged to be able to serve them both, dressed in my sissy maids dress, showing the playmate my pathetic little clit for her to laugh at.

Despite, or because of, the recent developments I am ever more devoted to Mistress Cara, ever more submissive to her, ever more dominated by her. Mistress Cara needs no accomplices, no diversions and no side tracks to manipulate me and control me completely. It is now I who am a quivering puddle!  I feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode, I hardly dare to touch my little clit for fear of losing control and spurting my filthy slime everywhere. My heart is racing all the time, thinking of my adorable, adored, powerful dominant Mistress.

I feel that I have reached a new plane in submission, far, far deeper than before. I used to be wary of being tormented mentally, as of now I crave it. It is a wonderful new sensation, to feel completely helpless, with no control over myself. In part it is due to my finally accepting just how much Mistress Cara enjoys manipulating me, how she enjoys making me suffer and tormenting me. It doesn?t matter whether or not she does have my nipples pierced, the fact that she wanted them and I submitted is enough. It doesn?t matter whether or not she does cuckold and humiliate me in front of her playmate, the fact that she might is enough. The more I know how much pleasure Mistress derives from using me, the more I want to be used.

Finally I must pay tribute to Mistress Cara, I have always known her to be kind and caring and have always felt completely safe submitting to her. Recently, on two occasions, she has defended me from attack, once online and once in person. In both cases she was formidable to watch, like a lioness defending her cubs. She went onto the attack in both cases, demanding apologies from one and humiliating the other. I have never felt so pleased to be her property, or felt so safe. Thank You, Mistress Cara, thank You.

On being Owned by Mistress Cara

I first applied to serve Mistress Cara in July last year. I had seen her profile on collarme and had studied her profile and website to gain as much information as possible before plucking up courage to contact her. She seemed to offer a slave exactly what I was hoping for, the chance to serve a beautiful, experienced Mistress in any way that she wished. I had preciously only served pro-Dommes and although I enjoyed the sessions I knew I longed for more.

After a short series of e-mails and texts, Mistress Cara set me some tasks to prove myself to her. I was instructed to buy ladies knickers, to take them into public toilets and wank myself off in there. Other humiliating tasks followed and with each one I was more and more certain that I had found the Mistress of my dreams. I could only hope that Mistress Cara felt that I could be of use to her. Finally, in early September I was able to meet Mistress Cara, albeit in less than ideal circumstances. I felt so nervous, so overjoyed at meeting my Mistress, I was sure she would not wish to see me again. However the next week I was permitted to visit her home and during the course of the evening she humiliated me, making me strip naked while she inspected my tiny useless clit. Later she gave me the thrashing of my life with her crop and flogger. Despite my pain and suffering I was determined not to use my safe word, not just because I wanted to impress my Mistress, but because I could see how much she was enjoying herself. She looked magnificent as she rained down blows on my ass and back, verbally humiliating me at the same time. The verbal humiliation was like nothing I had known before, as was the harsh beating. It was apparent that both Mistress Cara and myself had been waiting for a long time for such a session and I was determined not to bring it to an end. Eventually I was sobbing with pain and emotion, my arse was red hot and burning and reluctantly I used my safe word. Immediately Mistress stopped and gave me time to compose myself. As I have now come to expect, she was kind and caring, gently touching my glowing behind, comforting me. She whispered in her soft voice that she was pleased with me and smiled at me. That alone was reward enough, her smile can light up a room, lift my spirits, her soft voice is beautiful to hear.

I was allowed to spend the night, sleeping downstairs on her sofa bed while she slept upstairs with her real man, who had witnessed all of my punishment. He takes no part, but without his tacit agreement I know I would be unable to visit Mistress Cara as often as I do.  The next morning my ass was black and blue and I carefully drove home. The marks lasted for days, a fitting reminder to the most incredible session I have ever had, and to my new Mistress.

A few days later, on September 11, of dreaded 9/11 fame, Mistress Cara took formal Ownership of me and renamed me minnie. A slave Agreement was jointly signed outlining our various responsibilities and the foundation of my enslavement. Since that day Mistress has progressively taken further control of me, as outlined in my previous journals here, and has set me further humiliating tasks and intensified my sissification.

I now do not wear any underwear at all, I have to wear a bra at all times, my little clit is kept in permanent chastity. I have to sit down to pee, wear feminine perfume even at work and paint my nails at weekends. I am permitted to visit Mistress at weekends and one evening during the week and once a month she arranges to see me alone when she can humiliate me, punish me and ridicule me to her hearts content. On one memorable occasion she fucked my tight arsehole with her black strap-on dildo, an event I will never forget and one which I long for her to repeat. I still remember squealing like a stuck piggy as she pounded away at me, feeling her warm breath on my neck, feeling her hot thighs slamming into me.

Mistress Cara has explained to me that with my pathetic little clit there is no reason for me to cum, or even to have ruined orgasms. Instead she has told me to learn to milk my prostate in order to drain my sissy slime from my tiny balls. To date it is nearly 7 weeks since my last ruined orgasm. I also train regularly with my butt plugs, Mistress is keen that I should be able to take ever larger ones, in case she wishes to fuck me again with a man sized dildo.

I have never been happier of more content, she is the Mistress of my dreams, so kind and caring, cruel and harsh. She is extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about a whole range of subjects, her knowledge of Domination and FemDom is amazing. Her dominant nature is completely natural and indeed it seems quite normal for me to submit to her every wish. She has effortlessly taken complete control of me and yet enriched my life beyond compare.

She gives so much time and effort to all of her slaves, online and real time and yet asks so little in return. As a result of that I begged Mistress Cara to be allowed to decorate her lovely home. I don?t enjoy painting and decorating, but knew that Mistress wanted her home repainted. It seemed a nice way to repay all of her kindness without any benefit or reward for myself, except for pleasing my Mistress. That is all my life consists of now, pleasing Mistress Cara .  

She has recently told me that she wishes to have my nipples pierced. It is not something I have ever thought of doing, or wanted doing, but I know that as sure as night follows day, I will have them pierced in the next few weeks. Mistress knows how sensitive they are already, no doubt she will make them suffer even more when they have been pierced. I can?t imagine ever refusing her request.

I admire and respect Mistress Cara immensely, both as my Owner and Mistress and as a person, she is simply charming, she makes submitting to her such a pleasure. Even the worst humiliation is worth the smile she smiles when pleased. She is unique, magnificent. I have grown to worship her, adore her and to love her. Thank You, Mistress Cara.

Mistress Cara has decided that she will have my nipples pierced. She had mentioned some days ago that she was considering it, but tonight has told me that it will be done, at a time to be decided. It is not something that I have ever considered or wanted, but with the inevitability of the Labour Party's defeat in the coming election, I know that I will simply obey Mistress Cara, for no other reason than wishing to please her.

As a continuing sign of her kindness and caring, she has very kindly agreed that she will accompany me when the deed is done. I begged her to be with me, for support and encouragement. I am sure that she will also gain extra pleasure from seeing her sissy slave submitting meekly to her wishes.

Mistress Cara's control of me grows almost daily, from dictating what I wear in bed each night, to which colour bra I wear to work, to how often I may try to milk myself. None of these things has been overwhelming or burdensome in itself, however the cumulative effect has been to strip any remaining choice or freedom from me, to the point that I now automatically think to ask Mistress Cara about the most mundane daily choices. For example she has agreed to accompany me to the supermarket for my weekly shop, when she will choose my weekly meals for me.

As each little freedom has been removed from me, it has been replaced with an ever growing admiration and respect for my unique, wonderful Mistress. I adore her and worship her and long to serve her in any way she chooses. For her part, Mistress Cara is incredibly sexy and desirable, she is kind and caring, witty, charming and very intelligent. Her naturally Dominant persona has infiltrated every aspect of her life and I know how unbelievably lucky I am to be her slave. Why should I worry about nipple piercing when it will amuse my adorable Owner?

An unexpected opportunity to serve Mistress Cara for an extra day arose, and so on Saturday I hurriedly carried out some chores of my own before calling on her at lunchtime.

Mistress has been feeling under the weather for a few days and I relished the chance to pamper her and wait on her, supplying frequent cups of tea and coffee while Mistress relaxed in front of the tv and tweeted to her many adoring followers.

I had offered to cook supper for Mistress and as the afternoon wore on the drinks changed to the alcoholic variety, for Mistress at least. I was kept busy cleaning and tidying as well as being able to chat informally with Mistress Cara.

As I sat beside her on the sofa my heart was pounding, I desperately wanted to worship and show my devotion to my beloved Mistress. At one point she mentioned that I would be having my nipples pierced in the near future, something I had not previously considered. Such is her control over me, and my devotion and submission to her that I did not even try to protest. I simply accepted it as the next step in my enslavement to the most beautiful, creative Mistress imaginable.   

I value such moments, it is a great pleasure and reward when she shares her thoughts with her slave. Her particular bête noir at the moment is the crass and ignorant wannabee?s that waste her time with crude, rude or insulting messages. She bears it with great fortitude, knowing that amongst all the dross there are a few who genuinely want to surrender to a Goddess.

I cooked supper and was allowed to join Mistress Cara and her real man for a relaxing evening with the wine flowing rather too liberally. Late in the evening I was persuaded to make some purchases online from LoveHoney.co.uk, Mistress?s favorite online store. It is always a delight to buy gifts for her, though the computer seemed rather difficult to operate, for some strange reason!

After a delightful good night hug from Mistress I slept on the floor as usual while she luxuriated in her bed upstairs with her real man by her side. Just as it should be of course.

On Sunday Mistress and her family left mid morning to visit other members of her family, leaving me alone to complete the decoration of her bathroom, which I had started last week.

I feel very proud that Mistress trusts me enough to be left alone in her home, with my own front door key as well. I set to work, determined to complete the decorating to her satisfaction. Mistress had also left me a pile of ironing, a chore which she dislikes as do I. But what are slaves for if not to make life easier for their Owner.

Painting, ironing and general tidying complete, I sent a text asking if I should wait for her return or leave. I was given permission to return home, taking with me a pair of bright pink fluffy slippers, a gift from my ever kind, caring Owner.

Now, just a few hours later, I am missing her terribly and long for Wednesday, when I will see her once more.

I?m so excited! An unexpected chance to see Mistress Cara on Saturday! What better way to relax on a Friday night then, than with a good milking practise!!

The final day of my 5 day stay with my Owner, my beloved Mistress Cara had arrived. It had been a wonderful break from work and not for the first time I wished I could spend all day, every day, serving Mistress Cara. Damn the National Lottery, where are my missing millions?

As on Monday we set out in the morning for the nearby shopping centre, intent on finding a new bra for me to buy, both to humiliate me and to add to my collection. Mistress Cara also had a list of items for her own needs. We walked quickly from the car park to a café for a much need cup of coffee. It was bitterly cold outside and I hurried to get Mistress Cara into the warm. She planned to visit the Ann Summers shop, where she had sent me the previous week to buy bras on my own. They had a reasonable selection and seemed friendly as well. After the coffee we visited a couple of other stores before going to Ann Summers. I pointed out the bras I had purchased and mistress began browsing the others on display. I stayed close beside her, looking at the various items that took her interest as well as pointing out others that I thought would interest her.

Nothing caught her eye and we left empty handed to continue shopping. Once again I hurried along, eager to get out of the cold as quickly as possible. In the next shop it was apparent that Mistress Cara was upset and she told me that we would leave immediately. Mistress told me that I was forcing the pace, as I clearly wanted to go to my own home for a ?session? with her. I was so distraught and upset, I tried to explain why I had been hurrying but Mistress was adamant. We were to leave at once.

I had indeed hoped to visit my own home at some time during the day, and hoped that I would be permitted to worship my beloved Mistress in privacy. I am afraid that in turn I became deeply upset at the thought that I ?expected? Mistress to allow such devotion. I have always known that Mistress Cara does what she pleases, not what her slave wants. That is the cornerstone of my submission to her. Despite my pleas Mistress would not accept my explanation.

We arrived at my home and went inside. Mistress ordered me to strip naked and kneel before her. I did so and she administered a hard stinging slap to my face. I could tell Mistress was deeply upset by my behaviour and I was mortified. I crawled miserably to make a cup of tea and crawled back. I grovelled at her feet and she ordered me to kiss her stocking clad toes. I gladly did so, holding back the tears that were welling up.

Mistress then told me to move away and took a short suede flogger from her handbag. She had used on me previously and despite its small size I knew it could hurt. Methodically Mistress began to use it, at first on my ass cheeks, then my thighs. She took particular delight in flogging my back, knowing that my bra straps would make it even more uncomfortable later.

Mistress was relentless, increasing the force of each stroke, making me count each stroke, making me thank her for each stroke. I gritted my teeth and was determined to take as much punishment as Mistress wished. I had upset her and that is unforgivable. As the flogging continued I felt devastated, ashamed and miserable. I had dreamed of this day for weeks and of course I had hopes and wishes as to what might happen, but I knew that Mistress would decide, as always. I could not believe that my hopes had betrayed me and made me spoil a lovely day with my adored Mistress. I wished that she would thrash me as never before, but that would not turn back time, nothing could. Instead I choked back the tears of misery, not of pain.

Finally Mistress Cara relented and sat back down to finish her cup of tea. She ordered me to crawl to her and used my back as a foot stool while she watched tv.

As a final humiliating parody of what Mistress knew I longed for, she ordered me to lie on my back as she sat astride me, fully clothed and taunted me with her heavenly body, spat in my face and smothered me with her perfect ass, proving her total control of her useless slave by controlling my breathing, my vision, my sight and hearing. In other circumstances that would have been a wonderful reward in itself. Today, Mistress Cara contrived to make it the most humiliating time imaginable. Thankfully her clothes covered my face and so Mistress could not see the tears that were once again welling up in me. Tears of misery, frustration and despair. How could I have upset my Mistress, whom I adore with all my heart, whom I submit to gladly and proudly, whom means all the world to me. I felt so useless and pathetic, ashamed that my innermost wishes had betrayed me. In a final act of humiliation Mistress ordered me to edge my useless little clit while she watched. It was all I could do to make it hard, I felt so miserable and desolate. Thankfully the sight of my adored Mistress stirred it into life and much to her amusement I was soon on the edge. Naturally any form of release was out of the question, as it has been for over 5 weeks now.

Mistress ordered me to dress and the drive back to her home was awkward.

I carried out some final chores and packed my belongings into my car before taking my leave. As I apologised once again, Mistress Cara smiled and said quietly ?It wasn?t that bad. You did upset Me though.?

As always her kindness shone through like a ray of sunshine, the fact remains that I have failed my Mistress, I have upset her and although the beating has stopped, I will continue to punish myself for a long while yet. Now I have to remove all the hair from my little clit and baby balls?..

5 wonderful days spent in complete service to the incomparable Mistress Cara! On Friday I called on her in the morning and kept her company while snow bound. It was a wonderful way to pass the time, I would make her hot drinks, clean and tidy her home and do the washing up while Mistress was busy with her online would-be slaves. In between my chores I was permitted to sit at her feet and chat with my divine Mistress, about a variety of subjects. Mistress Cara is very well informed and has intelligent opinions which are fascinating to listen to. Later in the day we ventured to the local supermarket to witness the mindless panic buying public at large. Returning to Mistress Cara?s home I began to prepare her bathroom for decorating. Mistress Cara has kindly permitted me to redecorate her home, as a small way of repaying her kindness and generosity to her useless sissy slave. I do not enjoy decorating, but it is so rewarding to be able to give something back to Mistress Cara, who gives so much to all her slaves and yet asks so little in return. Friday evening was spent informally relaxing, Mistress Cara paying attention to her real man, who satisfies her in ways of which this little sissy can on dream. Without his kind understanding none of my frequent vanilla visits would be possible.

I spent Friday night sleeping on the floor of the living room, while Mistress Cara enjoyed the delights of her real man?

Saturday morning and I began to decorate the bathroom, determined to make as good a job as possible. I still had time to supply Mistress with hot drinks while she kept a close eye on my progress. Apart from minor finishing touches I finished by lunchtime and once again we ventured out into the snowy wasteland. A short drive to a local pub was a welcome break for Mistress and once again I noticed the other customers casting envious glances at her. I felt so pleased to be in her company, no-one could possibly imagine that we were a couple, that would be laughable, but simply to be seen in public with my beautiful, elegant Mistress is a rich reward for her useless slave.

Saturday evening was again spent relaxing with Mistress Cara and her family. I feel so unbelievably lucky, not just to be Owned and controlled by Mistress, but to be permitted to join her and her family is an amazing reward. Although a relaxed atmosphere, I never forget my true position and remain respectful and polite to all of her family at all times. Mistress Cara makes sure with a steady flow of humiliating remarks and keeping my busy pouring drinks etc. It feels so natural, so normal to submit to her in front of her family, albeit in subtle ways. I know Mistress Cara could take her pick from dozens of slaves, all desperate to serve her and yet for her own reasons she has chosen to take complete control of me. How unbelievably lucky I am. How unbelievably wonderful, kind and caring is Mistress Cara.

On Sunday I applied a second coat of paint to the bathroom before again carrying out chores and keeping company with Mistress.

Mistress was spending much time texting and Tweeting a potential new submissive who had caught her attention. It was fascinating and arousing to be able to watch the enjoyment and sheer pleasure that Mistress Cara gets from a keen and eager submissive. As the evening wore on it was apparent that Mistress was herself becoming extremely aroused by the exchange of texts, at one point becoming very red faced and breathless. I could only wonder at the content of the texts and marvel that they could arouse my Owner to such a state. It was a rare privilege to be able to watch, one I will never forget.  

I had been looking forward to Monday even more than the previous few days as I would be alone with Mistress Cara all day. It is such a rare treat to have time alone, to be able to discuss openly topics which cannot be discussed in front of her family. It is also a chance for me to be openly submissive in her home and in public. During my vanilla visits I long to be able to kneel before my Mistress and show my devotion, to call her ?Mistress Cara? openly and out loud. We left her home to go shopping and I enjoyed following her dutifully round while she browsed and I pushed the shopping trolley. Mistress kindly chose some more feminine shower gel for me to use and having decided that her sissy?s pathetic clit and baby balls should be completely bare she also selected some hair remover for me to use.

Mistress Cara is hugely enjoying sissyfying me and already demands that I wear a bra and no knickers every day. I also have to use feminine deodorant and perfume. I do not particularly enjoy the process, but gladly submit to her wishes, simply because pleasing Mistress Cara is all that matters to me.

For lunch we went to a nice cosy pub for a snack and to warm up from the bitter cold. Again I saw envious glances from other customers, wondering what such a beautiful young woman was doing with such an obvious loser.

All to soon it was time to return Mistress to her home and the needs of her young family. At least I had one more day alone with Mistress to look forward to, before I had to return to work.

My much anticipated new toy, http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14508, has arrived! Unable to go to work due to the snow, I set to work getting aquainted with it. Mistress Cara has decided that I will not be allowed any more orgasms, even ruined or spoiled ones, so I need to be able to milk my prostate to drain my sissy slime regularly. I prepared by having a nice warm enema to clean me out and then put some lube on the toy. It slid in oh so easily, its not too long or wide. I eased it in and out a few times, enjoying the feel of the ribs running over my hole. Already my sissy clit had started to leak slime, this was a good sign! With the vibrator set on low speed I started to stroke my little clit until it became hard, but not too close to the edge. I then increased the vibrator speed a little and began to move it around, feeling the different sensations. Wow! It felt really fantastic! I eased it in and out, feeling the vibrations move up and down as well.

After several minutes I pushed it in all the way and knelt down, keeping it pressed inside me. I adjusted the speed control, closed my eyes and thought of my divine Mistress Cara. How beautiful she had looked on Christmas Day, so sexy and desirable. How awesome she had been last Saturday, humiliating me over and over. So powerful, so dominant, utterly irresistible. How incredibly lucky I am to suffer purely for her amusement and pleasure.

I started rocking forwards and back, slowly moving the sensation around, lightly holding my clit in one hand. I kept thinking of Mistress Cara, letting the sensations get to work. My sissy clit was quite wet, but not oozing as I had hoped. In all about a teaspoonful leaked out, but I felt so relaxed and de-stressed. Still incredibly frustrated and totally submissive.

Reluctantly I took the vibrator out and cleaned up. It was a good first effort but I will have to try to find the sweet spot to be able to milk properly. Oh well, practice makes perfect!!

Mistress Cara has issued me with a set of Instructions designed to increase my sissification and humiliation. Although individually they are not onerous, combined they have left me feeling very submissive and under her control. In brief they are:

No underwear at all

Wear a bra at all times

Wear feminine perfume at all times

Edge my little clit morning, noon and night

Practice milking with her 7 inch strapon

Wear my fluffy pink babygro in the evenings at home

Mistress will also tell me each night what I may wear in bed

So the first day back at work was rather stressed, I arrived early as usual, but wearing a bra and no knickers and smelling fragrantly of the body spray which Mistress Cara had kindly given me. I felt very nervous and self conscious, certain someone would ask about the perfume, or see my bra strap. The first meeting of the day went without incident and I began to relax a little. I kept busy at my desk most of the morning but had to venture outside briefly. It was so cold without any knickers, my little clit and baby balls were frozen and even smaller than usual. I hurried back inside and tried to thaw them out before my noon appointment in the toilets.

At lunchtime I went into the toilet cubicle and began to edge my still cold clit. With a little encouragement it began to thaw and get hard as I thought of my divine Mistress, for whom I suffer gladly. I thought of how beautiful she had looked over the holiday period, how awesome she had been over the weekend when she had tested my devotion and obedience to the limit.

With those lovely thoughts my pathetic clit was soon oozing slime and I had to stop, not wanting to risk even an accidental discharge. I felt dirty and humiliated, I love to edge at home, but in the toilet it felt different. I hurriedly dressed and went back to my desk.

Mistress Cara had made me buy my bra on Saturday, and was so amused by how I look wearing it that she told me to by matching ones in red and black. I managed to leave work a little early and went straight to the Ann Summers store in town. Thankfully they had the same style in the colours that Mistress wanted so I took them to the checkout. I felt quite comfortable this time, no sign of the panic I had felt on Saturday. The assistant was friendly and didn?t even bat an eyelid when I said how pleased my Mistress had been! Even so I was quick to leave and head off home.

In the evening I combined my final edging with my ongoing butt plug and milking practice. Mistress Cara will not allow me any further orgasms, not even ?ruined? or ?spoiled? ones and so I need to be able to drain my slime by milking my prostate. It has been 4 weeks since my last draining so I need to learn quickly. I slipped the small plug in and eased it in and out to loosen my tight hole in preparation for the 7 inch strapon that Mistress Cara had used when she fucked me some weeks ago. I relaxed as I felt my hole stretch as the plug slid in and out so easily. After several minutes I prepared the strapon and eased that in. I was surprised how easily it slid in, and felt ashamed at my hungry slutty hole. I love feeling the strapon inside me, it will forever remind me of Mistress Cara pounding me for the first and so far, only time. I loved it, feeling her warm body so close to me, her breath on the back of my neck as she forced the 7 inches of black cock deep inside me. I remembered how I had squealed in pleasure, begging for more. With that single fuck, I surrendered completely and totally to my divine Mistress. I long for her to fuck me again.

Despite my happy memories I was unable to milk myself, at least help will soon be at hand in the form of: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14508  If I can?t milk with that then I never will!

I was due to visit Mistress Cara at 1.00 pm when I received an emergency tweet from her at 12.00. Mistress had run out of washing up liquid! I was shocked, she had no reason to be washing up! Undaunted, I leapt into my car with a bottle of Fairy and sped over as fast as I could. The crisis was averted and after completing the washing up myself I was able to take Mistress Cara into the local shops for some much needed retail therapy. I spent a very happy afternoon carrying her shopping and we even had time for a coffee and a relaxing chat about the events of the past 2 weeks. I treasure these times with my beloved Mistress, there are no vanilla influences and we are able to talk freely on a range of topics. Mistress is always kind enough to allow me to speak freely, though always respectfully and deferentially of course. I find it invaluable to be able to ask for her advice and comments, where she draws on her experience and knowledge of all aspects of life.

All too soon it was time to return to her home and after a final cup of tea I took my leave to prepare to return to work.

At home I waited eagerly for an e-mail from Mistress, outlining my training instructions for the week. Mistress has decided to up the tempo of my sissification and has told me she has a long list of ideas for me. I am feeling nervous and excited, keen to progress and to please Mistress Cara. The last 2 weeks have made me realise just how devoted and dedicated I am to her, she is simply my whole world now. Her natural ability to dominate and control are awesome to see, as are the imaginative ways in which she humiliates and teases me.

One welcome chore given to me is to do some laundry for Mistress, including her satin bed sheets, bath towel and used knickers, all deliciously scented with her heavenly aroma. I will keep them all on my bed for tonight at least, before reluctantly washing the heady bouquet from them tomorrow evening.

I had thought that buying my bra and trying it on in the shop was humiliating enough and that Mistress Cara had finished with me for the day. Wrong! When I returned home and was ironing her laundry she humiliated me further via twitter, (TheMistressCara), so everyone could follow my shame and frustration, my pathetic begging for release. She posted humiliating photos showing me in my bra and with my useless little clit hard. I was astounded to be even more turned on than before. As Mistress Cara posted each tweet I felt more and more submissive, more and more devoted to my awesome Owner. I was instructed to complete her ironing while wearing my new pink bra under my fluffy pink babygro. By now my little clit was dribbling with excitement and desperation.

Later in the afternoon Mistress Cara reverted to texts but did not cease to humiliate me and dominate me and thoroughly mind-fuck me. Like a surgeon with a scalpel Mistress probed my weaknesses, took advantage of my fears and longings, leaving me close to tears and exhausted. I felt wrung out, drained mentally, but not my baby balls!

Finally Mistress Cara stopped and as always, she took great care to comfort me and reassure me. She even rewarded me by saying how proud she was of me. That text alone made all my suffering worthwhile. I have never felt so dominated, so controlled, so helpless to resist. I have never felt so devoted, so determined to please whatever the cost. I have never felt so frustrated and desperate to cum.

Mistress had one final sting in the tail. She has just told me to wear my bra to bed tonight. Just the bra, nothing else. Mistress spent New Years Eve at my home and slept in my bed while I slept on the floor. My bed still has her scent on it. I know I will not sleep at all.

Mistress Cara has made it clear that she intends to intensify my training and has already hinted at various ways in which she will do that, without lifting the veil completely.

My first task this year has been to go and buy a bra, in the right size for me to wear, and to ask if I can try it on in the shop. My heart sank when Mistress gave me my instructions. I have bought knickers and a bra before, but without the need to ask if they were my size, let alone ask to try them on. I knew I had to do it, I have no wish to be sissified, no interest in it, but it is Mistress Cara?s wish and that is all that matters. All I care about is pleasing my divine Owner.

So I went into town this morning, nervous and excited, enjoying the feeling of inevitability, or hopelessness.

Happy New Year!

What a wonderful festive time, spending many days with Mistress Cara, always such a pleasure to be able to serve her, especially at this time of year.

We were able to spend some time away from her family and have a very useful talk, with Mistress telling me how she felt my training was progressing as well as the areas where I need to improve. In return I was invited to comment on my shortcomings as well as my hopes for the future. It is so typical of her thoroughness that Mistress Cara likes to probe my mind in order to extract maximum humiliation and frustration at a later time. I willingly open my heart to her, in order to be able to serve her better.

Today, New Years Day, Mistress has been texting me details of my new training regime. It is clear that Mistress Cara intends to increase the tempo of my service as she leads me to a new level of submission, humiliation and devotion. I am feeling nervous and excited as I still do not know the full extent of her intentions.

I do know that over the Christmas period I have become even more devoted to the most beautiful, elegant, intelligent, kind and caring Mistress it is possible to imagine. Mistress Cara effortlessly combines a cheerful friendly manner with a harsh and at times cruel and demanding attitude. I could not imagine life without being her slave. She is my Mistress, my Owner and my friend and I am unbelievably lucky and privileged to be able to call her any one of these, let alone all three.   

I have spent another day with Mistress Cara, which is always a pleasure and privilege though today was rather fraught and tense, with memories of my awful behaviour fresh in my mind. Like an elephant in the room, it has not been discussed yet and there will not be an opportunity until Wednesday when I will have some precious time alone with my Mistress.

I drove Mistress Cara and her family to a nearby pub for an enormous lunch which was enjoyed by everyone. I made sure to be on my best behaviour, attentive and polite at all times, as indeed I always should. Mistress seemed to take extra delight in making humiliating remarks to me, reminding me of my tiny clit and lack of manliness at every chance.

By mistake my meal had not been ordered, so I had to wait while Mistress and her family tucked into theirs. I felt embarrassed and humiliated, not sure if it was done on purpose or not.

After the meal I drove Mistress to a local shopping centre and supermarket for some much needed supplies. Once again I was careful to be attentive and helpful. My mood was lifting slowly but I was still angry with myself, deeply disappointed and ashamed. Its so difficult having to wait for sentence to be passed, whatever punishment Mistress chooses it will be richly deserved. I have no idea what form it will take, a caning perhaps, as befits a petulant child, an extended period of chastity or maybe a ban on seeing Mistress for a certain period.

It has been nearly six months since I first submitted to her and in that time my life has changed so much, I know that I have found the perfect Mistress to control me and to humiliate and cuckold me as she sees fit.

Mistress Cara is so beautiful, kind and caring yet with a will of iron. She can be cruel and harsh at times, as is her right, but is always such an unimaginable pleasure and honour to be Owned by her and to be at her beck and call for any and all mundane tasks. I truly adore her and I am heartbroken at having upset and angered her. I beg her forgiveness.

I seem to have a self-destruct button built into me. Every time that I make progress as Mistress Cara?s slave I seem to manage to upset her by making a simple mistake or forgetting my lowly position.

I spent a truly wonderful day with Mistress on Christmas Day, joining her and her family for lunch and a very enjoyable stay at her home. Later in the evening, when the wine had been flowing, I asked an inappropriate question at the wrong time and in the wrong place. Mistress Cara?s answer was short and to the point, and not was I was hoping for. Unforgivably I began a childish sulk for the rest of the evening which in turn upset and angered Mistress Cara. I deeply regretted asking the question as soon as it left my lips, I regretted even more upsetting my divine Mistress and spoiling her day. I am so devoted to my Mistress, it was the last thing I wanted, I knew how honoured I was to be invited to stay with her and her family. Apart from a few brief words the following day I have been unable to apologise fully to Mistress for my childish behaviour and I know that I can expect to receive punishment to teach me a lesson. Whatever form it takes, I know that it is a well deserved punishment.

With that hanging over me, I resumed my anal training tonight. The small plug slid in easily and I followed my routine of easing it in and out to stretch my hole. As I did so I reflected on what I had done and became upset and miserable. Almost without thinking I prepared the 7 inch dildo and pushed it deep inside me. Usually I enjoy the feeling, tonight I felt nothing but shame and anger at myself.

Mistress Cara has always been so kind and wonderful, humiliating me and controlling me with a light touch, making it so easy to fall under her spell and submit willingly to her wishes. She is so beautiful, so elegant and sensual with a fine sense of humour and an inventive mind. I have grown to adore her and to long to be totally controlled by her. So why do I manage to upset her so regularly?

I beg You to punish me, Mistress Cara, punish me and teach me to always remember I am a useless pathetic sissy with the tiniest little clit ever. Please Mistress, I beg You.  

What a wonderful Christmas Eve!

I finished work at midday and hurriedly drove to Mistress Cara?s home. I had begged to be allowed to clean and tidy her home while she was at a theatre matinee and Mistress had kindly agreed. I wanted everything to be spick and span when she returned. I let myself in to her home and began cleaning at once. I washed up the dishes and cups then cleaned the kitchen before moving through the other rooms. Mistress sent me several texts, checking on my progress, telling me how she was enjoying herself with her family. I carried on cleaning and tidying, making sure not to miss anywhere. I finally finished and made myself a cup of tea and waited for my remarkable Mistress to return. I had hardly finished my drink when I received a text telling me Mistress Cara was on her way home. I had a final check and switched on all the Christmas lights. When Mistress arrived I threw open her front door and welcomed her in. she looked radiant, dressed in a bright red corset and black skirt, her lovely long dark hair framing her beautiful face. As always, Mistress Cara looked stunning. I longed to drop to my knees and show my devotion to her. Instead I waited anxiously as Mistress checked the kitchen for cleanliness. She seemed pleased and made herself comfortable on her sofa.

I had brought a bottle of port and a stilton cheese, which I knew were a favorite of Mistress and she seemed delighted by my gift. I sat contentedly at her feet as she enjoyed the snack, listening to her account of the days event. I marvelled at how very lucky I am to be Owned by such an amazing Mistress, how very lucky I am to be able to serve such a kind caring Mistress.

On my way home later in the evening I received the kindest text that its possible for a slave to receive.

Life just doesn?t get any better for a useless sissy slave. 

Mistress Cara has said that for this week, I am to edge only in the morning and continue my anal training each evening.

With this in mind I prepared the small plug and as is now usual, it slid in readily to my hungry hole. While I eased it in and out, I re-read the various tweets that Mistress had posted today. There were several about me, to another sub. I briefly felt ashamed as Mistress described my tiny clit and inability to wear any form of chastity device. Then, as is increasingly the case these days, I just felt so pleased and proud to be Owned and controlled by such a wonderful, powerful dominant woman. I kept these thoughts as I swapped the small plug for the big black dildo and pushed it deep inside. It felt good, stretching me, reminding me yet again of the time my beloved Mistress had fucked me with it.

Mistress Cara controls me completely now, I have given up any pretence otherwise. I am sure it will only be a matter of time before Mistress dictates which clothes I wear to work and orders my weekly shopping for me! I think of Mistress Cara constantly, at work, in the car, every evening and dream of her every night. Apart from moving in and living in her home, I feel that I am under her control 24 hours a day. When I leave her home after a visit, I miss her the minute my car moves down the road. My pulse quickens when I am driving to see her, my heart jumps for joy when Mistress opens the front door and graciously allows me inside.

I still have much to learn and I know that I am completely useless at tasks that even most slaves could complete. My pathetically small clit is a great disappointment to Mistress as is my lack of balls of any size. Mistress Cara has decided therefore that there is simply no need for me to cum, or orgasm or even have a ruined orgasm. She does allow me to milk myself occasionally in order to drain my slime, but not to derive any pleasure in the process.

One of the reasons for my anal training is so I can learn to milk myself, the others being so that Mistress Cara can fuck me with ever bigger strap-ons and also so that I can take ever bigger butt plugs, which Mistress enjoys.

To date I am still struggling with even the medium size plug that Mistress kindly bought for me. Sadly tonight was no exception, try as I might, it would only go in halfway.    

Oh god it feels good!

After a break of 10 days, Mistress Cara has kindly agreed to allow me to resume my anal training. I have missed the feel of the butt plug inside me, especially the feel of the 7 inch black dildo that Mistress used to fuck me. I have yet to be able to take the medium butt plug, hence the need to resume my training.

As usual I prepared the small plug, using some extra lube in case my tight hole had forgotten how good it felt. I felt ashamed when it slid straight in without any resistance. Mistress Cara is right, I am an anal slut! At least it gave me hope that I would be able to take the medium plug one day. For now I relaxed a while, getting used to the feel of the small plug once again. I had the vibrator on slow speed and loved the tingling sensations. My thoughts turned to Mistress Cara and how incredible it had been to feel her fucking me that one time. I long to be fucked again by my Mistress, my Owner. I quickly prepared the dildo, eager to feel it inside me. I used extra lube as well, but once again it slid in with as much resistance as the French in 1939.

Oh god it felt good!

I eased it all the way in, and nearly lost it as my greedy hole sucked it in. once again my thoughts turned to my Mistress. Recently in a session she had pushed me onto my back and straddled me, leaning down on my shoulders. It felt good to be overpowered, to be pinned down, unable to get up. Mistress then moved close to me. I stared up at her beautiful face, smiling at me, her dark brown eyes penetrating me. Without warning she spat at me, right in my face! Then leaned back and laughed at the look of amazement on my face and promptly spat again. It felt wonderful, to be pinned down, helpless and then spat on. I felt humiliated, ashamed, defenceless but very much turned on by it. Mistress Cara laughed more and then leaned forward and allowed a large gob of her precious spit drop into my eager mouth. It tasted fantastic, warm and light. I swallowed it hungrily, wanting more. My Owner kindly obliged, like a bird feeding its young, She fed me several more drops before finally spitting in my face a final time. What a fantastic experience! I loved it!!

I had spent the last weekend serving Mistress Cara at her home, and it marked a turning point. I don?t know exactly why, or what, but when I was back at home I felt different. Something had changed. I felt helpless, no longer in control of myself. Unable to decide what was happening. Mistress Cara had me, totally, irresistibly. Perhaps it was the long talk we had had. Perhaps it was the wording of a couple of texts that she had sent me, expressing her delight in owning me.

One thing is for sure. I am no longer in control of myself.

I wear women?s underwear all the time.
I sit down to pee.
I wash using female shower gel and shampoo.
I paint my nails at weekends.
I wear a fluffy pink babygro.
I wash up and tidy every time I visit Mistress.
I?m forbidden to cum.
I have to edge my little clit twice a day.
I practice with a butt plug.
I have been fucked by Mistress.
I long to be fucked again by Mistress.

I am not in control.

Oh god it feels good! 

Oh wow! Where to begin?

Another wonderful weekend spent serving the divine Mistress Cara ! Its Sunday afternoon and I?m back at home, gathering my thoughts. Thankfully I will be serving Mistress again tomorrow! Yippee!
Saturday was spent with Mistress shopping and enjoying the festive air in the local shopping centre. Then in the evening Mistress allowed me to accompany her and her family to a carol concert which was great fun, before driving her home and indulging in some much needed wine. Once again Mistress Cara kindly allowed me to join in and also to rub her feet, my favorite pastime. It feels so right, so natural that I sit on the floor, quietly massaging her feet while she watches tv and chats to her real man. One by one her family went to bed, leaving me alone with Mistress. I was sat next to her on the sofa by now, still diligently soothing her feet and she began to chat about many varied topics, both in scene and vanilla. I was fascinated and entranced, trying to make intelligent conversation with my Goddess.
Occasionally she would ask me pointed questions about my feelings, stripping me bare, exposing my weaknesses and dreams. It felt such a relief to be able to talk openly and frankly to someone with the same attitudes and interests without fear of being judged. I edged closer to Mistress in order to hear her soft voice and she kindly made no comment when I began to rub her legs instead of her feet.
I desperately wanted to kiss her warm soft white thighs and to place my lips on her knickers that were revealed by her skimpy nightie. I wanted to beg, to plead, but couldn?t. I couldn?t spoil such a wonderful relaxed atmosphere by whining and asking for more, more than I deserved. Instead I tried to concentrate on what she was saying. Oh god she looked so achingly beautiful, relaxed and happy. I was in slave heaven!

In the morning I ran some errands before taking my leave to do some chores of my own. Mistress sent me some texts saying how she had enjoyed teasing me and seeing my lust and discomfort. I can?t hide anything from Mistress!
I begged to be allowed to resume my butt plug training and to try to milk myself, if only to take my mind off my frustration. It has been a week since my last anal training session and I was keen to resume so that I will eventually be able to take the medium plug. I was also longing to feel Mistress Cara?s 7 inch dildo deep inside me again.
As usual I started with the small plug which went in with a little reluctance. It seems a week without training is not a good idea just yet. After easing it in and out for a few minutes to stretch my tight hole, I prepared the dildo. It needed a firm shove to go in but once started it slid all the way in and felt wonderful, reminding me once again of when Mistress Cara fucked me with it. I eased it in and out, closing my eyes and thinking of my beloved Mistress, how beautiful she looked last night, how sexy she looks in her santa outfit. My little clit was already wet with slime in anticipation. I slowly stroked it as I eased the dildo in and out. More slime oozed out of my useless little cock as the dildo stretched me satisfyingly. I took my hands off my clit and continued fucking myself. Slime kept oozing out, maybe a teaspoonful. Not enough, but very satisfying nonetheless.

Finally I gritted my teeth and prepared the medium plug. Surely after a milking my hole must be relaxed, but it seems that the week without training had taken its toll and try as I might, it would go in no further than halfway. Disappointed, I put away my toys and resolved to beg Mistress Cara to allow me to resume training at least 3 times a week.
Normally I would be at work on a Monday, but tomorrow I will again spent the day with Mistress, no doubt being teased and humiliated in equal measure. I am the luckiest slave alive, owned by the most wonderful, unique Mistress I could ever wish for.
Mistress Cara has now effectively taken full control of me, controlling everything I do, everything I think about. Ahh! Bliss!    

What an amazing weekend, spent in company with and serving my divine Mistress! What can I have done to deserve such pleasure, so many rewards, to have such a wonderful Mistress?

On Saturday I drove Mistress Cara to the local shopping centre. Amongst other things she wanted to choose new shampoo and deodorant for her sissy slave to use. Of course it would be feminine and girlie! We went into a couple of stores where Mistress Cara delighted in taking her time browsing, asking me loudly which fragrances I thought would suit me. I felt myself blushing, not just at the present public humiliation, but knowing that I would have to go to work on Monday smelling like a slut. Eventually she choose a suitable shower gel, shampoo and roll on and made me take them to the check out. Thankfully she did not humiliate me further at the till!

Back at Mistress Cara?s home, I applied a second coat of paint to her downstairs toilet, a task I had started last week. Due to the pattern of the old paint a second coat was needed. Mistress relaxed watching tv and generally getting festive while I toiled away. Just as it should be of course!

In the evening I once again cooked my one and only recipe which thankfully both Mistress Cara and her real man both enjoy. I had also brought some wine which they both also enjoyed, kindly allowing me to share with them. The evening was very mellow and I was permitted to rub Mistress Cara?s  feet, I task I greatly enjoy. I scarcely watched the tv programme, concentrating on my task, stealing glances at my Mistress relaxing and enjoying herself.

Sunday morning was a quiet affair, Mistress Cara was busy making preparations for Christmas, while her family relaxed as well. I washed up and tidied the kitchen and then asked permission to complete the painting. Finally it was finished and I asked Mistress Cara to inspect my handiwork. Thankfully she was pleased with the result. I knew how much she had hated the old colour scheme and I was pleased to have been able to change it.

I finally, reluctantly took my leave and returned to my own home, glowing with happiness after another weekend spent with my Mistress, who now means everything to me. I submit to her totally and willingly, she controls almost every aspect of my life and I am completely devoted to her. Its not a game or a hobby, its my life.

I spent time online, administering Mistress Cara?s website and e-mail accounts, just 2 such tasks that she has entrusted to me, to make her life easier. I was delighted to receive a text saying ? you have been well behaved lately. Maybe I should grant a ruined orgasm.? It has been 10 weeks since my last orgasm, with only a couple of milkings to relieve the pressure on my tiny balls. I have been pre-occupied with my anal training, which resulted in Mistress Cara fucking me with her black 7? dildo 2 weeks ago. Since then I have been trying unsuccessfully to take the medium butt plug. Mistress Cara has now suspended that training for a week, so the chance of a ruined orgasm was wonderful. I received a second text instructing me to have a ruined orgasm with the black dildo shoved up my arse.

I completed my online tasks and then showered. As I knelt in front of my pc, ready to worship the photos of my Mistress, I was acutely aware of the girlie perfume I was now wearing. I carefully pushed the dildo inside me, relishing the feeling, wishing Mistress Cara  were with me, fucking me again. I started to stroke my clit, but instead of looking at the photos I closed my eyes and looked at the images of Mistress Cara that are indelibly burned on my retina, images too precious for any photo. They are so powerful that in no time at all my pathetic little sissy clit was hard, oozing slime and ready to spurt. I managed to prolong my pleasure, relishing the images and memories of this weekend, already pining for my Mistress.

It feels so good to be able to edge my little clitty twice a day again!! Last thing at night I get as close as I dare, then straight to bed to dream of my adorable Mistress. Then in the morning before getting out of bed, I stroke again, getting as hard as it can, always thinking of my wonderful Owner, Mistress Cara. I think of her constantly and can hardly concentrate at work, I long to be able to worship her beautiful sexy body, to feel her soft warm skin against my tongue as I kneel in complete submission at her perfect feet. Mistress sent me a teasing text at work today, saying she was thinking of allowing me to worship her fabulous bottom. I wish I could have left work and speeded to her home, to kneel before her and beg to be allowed to worship her, to serve her in any way she wishes.

The day dragged on and finally I went home again, determined to once again try the plug that has so far defeated me. As yesterday, I used the black dildo to stretch myself, leaving it inside me for 20 minutes or so while I tried to concentrate on tv. I could feel it inside me, stretching me but no longer painful, filling me. I realised that this must be in some small way the same feeling that Mistress Cara  has when her real man fucks her with his huge cock. How he must fill her tight wet pussy, as she grips him tightly. I felt humiliated and cuckolded at the thought, knowing I will never please any woman that way. I just wanted to feel Mistress Cara inside me, pounding my tight sissy asshole.

I eased her dildo in and out, not for the pleasure but to relax me before I tried once again with the medium plug. As always it slid in halfway with little effort, and, as happened yesterday, with a lot of pushing and effort it seemed to go in a little further, but still not all the way. I just can?t seem to make go the final tiny little bit. It?s so nearly there, it so frustrating and so upsetting that it won?t finally slide in all the way.

After another enjoyable evening spent at Mistress Cara?s home, I received a text from her at work today ? you are to go back to edging every morning and evening. Sometimes I will require lunchtimes too.? I was both delighted and nervous. I enjoy having to edge my little clit while I worship photos of my divine Mistress and Owner, but I am so worried about losing control and spilling my filth without permission. It has been 9 weeks since my last orgasm and I am feeling very frustrated and desperate to drain my useless baby balls. I knew that edging, however nice would only make matters worse.

I am so lucky to be able to visit Mistress Cara so often in the evenings. Despite the vanilla setting, it is wonderful to be able to carry out chores, cleaning and washing up for my Mistress, just to make her life a little easier. And then the greatest privilege, I am allowed to relax with her while she watches her tv programmes and chat informally with her. If I am especially lucky, Mistress will allow me to rub her perfect feet, soothing her and relaxing her. Even when her real man returns from a hard day at work, I am allowed to continue. It all feels so natural, so right. Her real man is so amazing, he accepts my presence, unconcerned at a slave pampering his partner. But then he knows that he will pleasure her in ways I can only dream of.

I had asked Mistress Cara if I may be allowed to use her black dildo to continue my anal training, which seems to have stalled lately. She very kindly agreed. I explained that I wanted to use them to try to expand my stubbornly tight hole so that finally it would take the medium pink plug that has so far defeated me. The dildo?s are only slightly thinner than the plug, although they are soft and squeezable, but I hope that if left in for a while they will then allow the plug to follow!

Mistress Cara has been so patient in waiting as I keep trying to take the plug, but I am sure that her patience must be running out. In any case I don?t think that she will fuck me again until I have conquered the plug and I am desperate to feel her deep inside me once again.

So once again I slid in the baby plug while I prepared the shorter of the two dildos. I had to cut them out of the latex pants that Mistress had worn on that memorable day and I had decided to use the shorter of the two as I was more concerned about keeping it in than its length. It is also the dildo that was inside my Mistress, the last time I had held it, it was soaked in her divine juices, just after she had fucked me. It slid in as easily now as it had then and felt good inside me. I could feel it stretching my hole, but not painfully. I left in for several minutes while my mind drifted back to that wonderful day?. Oh God I want Mistress Cara inside me again.

I then started to ease it in and out, spreading the lube over my hole, feeling it inside me. I should be feeling humiliated and ashamed, but instead I only feel frustrated and determined to succeed. After several minutes I looked down and saw a little teardrop of slime oozing from my useless clit. I quickly stopped and prepared the medium plug. There was no time for any attempt at milking, I had to take the plug.

The dildo slid out and I tried again with the plug. It slid in easily at first, then came to a halt. I pushed and twisted, wriggled and wriggled. It went in a little further, it was almost there. Almost but not quite. I kept shoving and pushing, trying to sit on it. it was so near, but so far.

Tomorrow night I shall leave the dildo in for longer, perhaps while I relax and watch a tv programme, in the hope I will finally win.  

Tonight, I shall sleep and dream of my divine Mistress Cara, having edged as close as I dare just before going to bed.   

I was on a work related training course today and to my surprise and delight I received a text from Mistress Cara mid-morning. ?I think you should edge at lunchtime.? I felt my face turning red even as I read it. No one seemed to have noticed and I spent the rest of the morning session trying and failing to concentrate on work. Mistress is simply brilliant at catching me unaware, setting me humiliating and embarrassing tasks when I least expect them. She is such a naturally dominant woman, so skilled at showing her complete control over me.

At the lunch break I quickly ate my meal and then hurried off to find a quiet toilet cubicle. I carefully closed and locked the door before taking down my trousers and pink lacy knickers. It seems so normal to me now to wear sissy knickers instead of men?s briefs, another example of Mistress Cara?s influence on me. I started stroking my little clit, reflecting on the wonderful weekend that I had spent with my Mistress, how happy and vibrant she had looked. I thought back to when she had fucked my sissy arse with her black strap-on and how good it had felt, to have my Owner pounding me, humiliating me and controlling me for her pleasure and my humiliation. Quickly I reached the edge, my little clit throbbing and starting to leak slime. I had to stop, I daren?t lose control and spill my filth and I had to hurry back to the class room. I felt sure the others must have noticed my flushed appearance but no one said anything. I sat down and waited for my heart beat to return to normal. I still couldn?t concentrate on work, my mind was still lingering on Mistress Cara and longing to be fucked and milked by her.

I have accepted the fact that I will not be allowed to orgasm again, that there is simply no need for it. Instead Mistress has said that I will learn to milk myself, to drain my balls. I have tried on several occasions to do so, with the butt plug up my ass, but with only limited success. I long to feel Mistress?s fingers probing me, feeling for my prostate before milking me and draining my slime. It has been 9 weeks now since my last ever orgasm and I am increasingly desperate to drain my useless button balls. Despite the discomfort, I am happier and more content than ever as Mistress Cara continues to tighten her grip on every aspect of my life and I learn to serve her as she wishes. My only wish is to please her and serve her and increasingly I care less and less about what that may entail. My humiliation and shame are in the shadow of my pride at being Owned by the most beautiful, kind caring Mistress imaginable.

I spent a wonderful weekend in service to Mistress Cara. On Saturday I went with Mistress and her family to a Victorian Christmas Fayre. I am so lucky to be allowed to accompany Mistress Cara to social events, it is such a privilege for a lowly slave to serve Mistress in this way. Of course she still expects me to be obedient and respectful at all times. Although the atmosphere is relaxed, I am always ?on duty?, fetching and carrying for Mistress, trying to anticipate her every wish, listening closely to her every word. It is such a pleasure for me to be able to observe Mistress relaxing and enjoying herself with her delightful family. I counted my blessings many, many times! I am so very lucky to be owned by such a wonderful Mistress, I am more and more devoted to her as each day goes by. I feel I now exist solely to serve and please Mistress Cara in any way she wishes.

In the evening I felt like a favorite family pet, allowed to sit at the feet of my Mistress while she relaxed after a tiring but enjoyable day out. My heart swelled with pride when Mistress mentioned that she was pleased with my attitude and devotion. Praise indeed for an otherwise useless slave!

On Sunday Mistress Cara and her family were due at another social event, this time I was to be left at her home to continue the decorating I had started some weeks ago. As she took her leave, Mistress pointedly locked the front door, leaving me inside. As if I would try to escape! It was a subtle reminder of my position and of her control over me. I set to work, painting as best I could, determined to have every thing completed for the return of my Owner. As before, Mistress sent me several texts, checking on my progress, telling me how much she was enjoying herself. The time seemed to fly by and just as I started to tidy up, Mistress sent a final text to say she was on her way home. I tidied as best I could and put the heating on and filled the kettle, ready to greet my wonderful Mistress. On her arrival she inspected my work, and seemed pleased with the results. I thought she looked so beautiful, happy but tired after an enjoyable day with her family. All too soon I had to leave and return to my home. I also felt happy and tired, having spent 2 lovely days with my Mistress. I simply adore Mistress Cara and I would move heaven and earth to please her and serve her. Thank You so much, Mistress, thank You.     

I will be spending time with Mistress Cara this weekend, so when I got home from work tonight I prepared my small plug for use. It slid in easily, as always, and I made myself comfortable on my sofa, watching Wayne?s World on tv! I wanted to relax and get used to it being in. after 20 minutes, I prepared the black dildo and with little effort that to went in. I continued watching the film, feeling the dildo stretching my hole, reminding me of my Mistress fucking me just a week ago. It felt good, filling me, stretching me. I relaxed and left it in for half an hour or so. I wanted to stretch myself, ready to try the medium plug later on. Reluctantly I took the dildo out and had supper and showered. Later, I put the small plug back in for a few minutes, while I prepared the medium plug. I hoped that the dildo would have loosened me up enough, so I quickly pushed it in as far as I could. I gritted my teeth and pushed harder, twisting it and pushing. Despite all the lube and the dildo earlier, it still refused to go all the way in. next time I will leave the dildo in for longer and then try the plug straight away, while my hole is still stretched. It must go in, Mistress Cara has said so and she won?t fuck me again until it does.

On Tuesday I spent the evening at Mistress Cara?s home. I had begged to be allowed to continue decorating for her, as a means of showing my devotion to my Owner. Mistress had kindly agreed, although she had made plans to humiliate me on Saturday, she decided that I would be of more use painting her hall and downstairs toilet while she went out. So I was busy preparing the rooms, removing wall paper and so on. Mistress kept a watchful eye on me as well as chatting to me. I treasure every visit I make to see my Mistress, I know how very lucky I am to see her so frequently. Doing chores and decorating seems to be such a small price to pay to be able to serve such a unique Mistress. Even in such a vanilla setting, with her family around, Mistress keeps up a steady stream of humiliating remarks, just to keep me in my place. She is so naturally dominant, so perfectly in control of me, it is a wonderful feeling to be her property. I ache every time I have to leave her and long for my next visit before my car has even reached the end of her road.

Having missed my training on Tuesday, tonight I tried again. The small plug slid in almost un-noticed, with a minimum of lube needed. I sat with it inside me while I did some web chores for my Mistress. Then I prepared her black dildo, the 7 inch cock that she had used to fuck me last week. Mistress Cara has kindly allowed me to use it to help me take the medium plug. I used plenty of lube but was still surprised how easily it went in, with little discomfort or effort. I felt ashamed, such a slut, hungry for her cock. I felt it slide in all the way, all 7 inches, as far as it would go. I closed my eyes and wished once again that Mistress Cara was there, if not fucking me then watching me fuck myself. I squatted over it and let it start to slide out before I sank down on it again, feeling it fill my slutty hole. It felt good, I carried on for several minutes, feeling my clit twitch as the dildo slid in and out effortlessly. Oh god I wanted Mistress Cara to fuck me, to milk me and drain my useless baby balls of their slime.

I made myself stop before any slime oozed out. Feeling relaxed, I was optimistic that the medium plug would finally go in. I added plenty of lube and tried for the umpteenth time to push it in. As usual it went in ¾ of the way, then stopped. No matter how I tried it would not budge. I tried to sit on it, I tried twisting, turning and pushing, all to no avail.   

Please read MistressCara?s journal. It is far more accurate than mine.

I upset Mistress Cara today. A hastily sent text, too much enthusiasm, not enough respect. I felt so upset the minute I realised. Stupid sissy slut.

As soon as I got home I prepared the plugs for my training. Mistress is adamant that I will take the larger plug. As Mistress rightly says in her journal, it is not a big plug, so from now on the medium plug will be referred to as the small plug and the bigger one is now the medium.

The small one slid in so easily. I eased it in and out a few times to stretch my tight hole and then prepared the 7 inch cock that Mistress had left for me to practise with. I used plenty of lube and then pushed it into my tight hole. It hurt more tonight, stretching me at first. Determined, I pushed it all the way in. On Friday it had not hurt at all when Mistress Cara had fucked me. Perhaps it knew I had angered her and was punishing me. I left it buried deep in me for a few moments, to allow me to get used to it again. Then I began to slowly ease it in and out, felt my tight hole gripping it, not wanting it to slip out. I felt so humiliated and ashamed, fucking myself with Mistress Cara?s big black dildo, wishing she was here with me again. On Friday I only felt joy and relief. Now I felt dirty and pathetic. I had no intention of milking myself tonight, just training.

After several minutes it became easier to move it in and out. I left it rammed in as I prepared the medium plug. Reluctantly I eased out the dildo and once again tried to push the plug in. As before, it went in ¾ of the way with little effort, but try as I might, it would not go further. I had used an excess of lube, just as Mistress had told me, but once again I was defeated. I kept my weight on it for a few minutes, hoping to stretch it the final amount. It will go in one day, I know it will. It must, if only because I am desperate for Mistress Cara to fuck me once again.   

After the euphoria of fantastic Friday my life is slowly returning to normal. I awoke on Saturday morning, in Mistress Cara?s home, unable to believe what had happened. Later in the morning I drove Mistress into town for some Christmas shopping, before finally taking my leave of her in the afternoon.

Today, Sunday, I had my own chores to carry out and was delighted when I was allowed to briefly visit Mistress in the afternoon. She had spent the morning with her family decorating her home and it looked so lovely and festive. Mistress was in good spirits and allowed me a glass of mulled wine to celebrate. I felt so very luck and privileged to have such a wonderful kind Owner.

Back home again, my chores done I had to resume my training. Mistress has insisted that I will learn to take the big butt plug before she will consider fucking me again. I set to with a will, desperate already to feel her big dildo deep inside me. I started with the medium plug, which slipped in easily. Mistress Cara had also very kindly not only allowed me to milk myself but also to use the dildo as well. I turned the vibrator on and relaxed as I waited for my clit to start to ooze slime. It has been 8 weeks since I was last permitted to spill my filthy sissy slime, apart from a brief milking 3 weeks ago. I closed my eyes and thought back to Friday, thought of my wonderful Mistress and how she now controls almost every aspect of my life. I felt the vibrations begin to take effect and eased the plug out and tried to push the dildo in. It slid in easily, just as it had done on Friday when Mistress Cara was wearing it. It felt comfortable, a tight fit but very pleasant. I couldn?t help wishing that Mistress was once again reaming her sissy?s ass, but nevertheless it had the desired effect and soon I felt a trickle of slime out of my tiny useless clit. I continued to ease the dildo in and out, just as Mistress had. I felt more ashamed and humiliated then than I had on Friday, a pathetic sissy slut fucking myself with my Mistress?s dildo, trying to drain my useless balls. On Friday I had been the luckiest slave in the world, willingly submitting to the best Mistress in the world. A few more drops leaked out, maybe a teaspoonful in all. Reluctantly I withdrew the dildo and tried once more time with the big plug. I hoped that after the dildo had relaxed me it would finally go in. Feeling frustrated and exasperated, I had to admit defeat again. It will go in one day, I know it will. When???   

Mistress Cara has patiently explained to me several times that there is simply no need for me to cum, like a real man does. With my pathetic little clit there is not even a need for a ruined orgasm to drain my slime. The only reason for draining is to avoid any possible health risks and so the best way is by milking my prostate. I know this and understand this and I am so grateful to Mistress Cara for her concern over my wellbeing, but I still have urges to cum, some base instinct make me want to spurt my filthy slime. Mostly I can control them and my devotion and obedience to Mistress Cara prevent me from even thinking of cheating. If only Mistress Cara would milk me each time she fucks me.    

FANTASTIC FRIDAY!!

What an unforgettable experience! Deeply moving, very humbling, highly addictive!

I called on Mistress Cara at 09.00 as instructed. After a brief greeting I drove my Mistress to the local shopping centre where she browsed for Christmas gifts and enjoyed a coffee.

My nerves were on edge, wanting to be alone with my Mistress, yet at the same enjoying being with her in public. Mistress had instructed me to wear purple nail polish, to humiliate me in public. I must admit I was so focussed on what was to come that I forgot I had the nail polish on, so when I went to fetch the coffee I hardly noticed the strange looks I got!

Eventually we left the shopping centre and I drove Mistress Cara to my home. Once there I made sure that the curtains were drawn for privacy and made sure that my Mistress was seated comfortably. She instructed me to change into my new sissy maid?s dress. I had recently bought it from e-bay, a short black dress with dark red trim, an improvement over my old sissy pink one.  I crawled back into the room and Mistress smiled as she saw how pathetic I looked. She made me stand up and turn around so she could inspect me. I had to lift up the hem so she could also inspect my lacy black knickers. Laughing at me and humiliating me, Mistress Cara then told me to crawl and prepare my butt plugs.

I felt so nervous now, dreading the moment and yet longing for it. I have been training for nearly a month now and although the medium plug slips in with ease, the big plug has so far defeated me. Mistress told me to put the medium one in my ass and laughed as I slid it in. She made me switch the vibrator on to low speed and then she stood up and ordered me to remove her tight fitting jeans. With trembling hands I fumbled to undo the zip and ease them down over her soft white thighs. The vibrator was distracting me, but I still admired the close up view I had of the tiny black thong that Mistress was wearing. What heavenly delights that scrap of material hid from my view, so unattainable for a useless slut such as me. Mistress settled back into the sofa and ordered me to attempt the big plug, telling me to add plenty of extra lube. Despite her advice I was still unable to push it in. I begged Mistress Cara to try and she very kindly agreed. I was on my hands and knees, wearing my sissy dress while my divine Mistress attempted to shove a butt plug up my tight hole. I should have felt humiliated, ashamed, instead I was so worried about failing my beautiful Mistress. Despite her efforts the plug would not go in so, leaving me kneeling with my ass in the air, Mistress put the strap-on on and knelt behind me. I could hear her adding lube and moving into position. My heart was racing, my head throbbing, I was sweating and shaking all over. This was the moment I had longed for, had dreaded and feared. What if I could not take her strap-on? I knew it was slightly thinner than the big plug so I hoped I would manage it, but couldn?t be sure.

I desperately wanted my Mistress to fuck me, to submit to her, to feel her deep inside me. She had kept telling me that she would rape me. I knew it wouldn?t be rape, I was gagging for it!

Finally the moment arrived. I felt the cold tip of her strap-on rest on my tight hole. Mistress was telling me how useless I was, how unworthy, a dirty little cock whore. Suddenly I felt the strap-on inside me. I couldn?t believe how easily it had slid in! I begged Mistress to tell me if it was in all the way, begged her to fuck me, pleaded with her to ram it all the way in. It didn?t feel painful, as I had feared. It felt strange at first, but pleasant. It was still sinking in, my adorable Mistress was fucking me and I was enjoying it! I had been so worried that it would be as painful as the big plug is. God it felt good! I begged Mistress to fuck me, again and again. Suddenly I felt the soft warmth of her thighs press against my ass cheeks as she rammed the dildo in as far as it would go. I felt my little clit start to get hard. I wanted her to milk me, to drain my sissy juice there and then. I wanted Mistress Cara to fuck me forever. I loved feeling my Mistress so close to me, hearing her humiliate me, feeling her pounding me.

I was so close to tears, tears of relief and of pleasure, tears of joy at having submitted to my Owner, my Mistress.

I couldn?t feel humiliated or ashamed, I only felt joy and relief, pride and joy at being so intimately used by the only person that I ever want to fuck me. All too soon I felt her withdraw, heard her take the strap-on off and sit back down on the sofa. I was still kneeling on all fours, ass high in the air. I couldn?t move, wanted to burn the memory into my brain, wanted it to sink in. Mistress Cara had fucked my slutty tight hole and I loved it!! Already I wanted her to fuck me again! I loved feeling her inside me, loved being so submissive, loved being controlled by such a powerful, dominant beautiful young woman. I was in heaven!! I faintly heard Mistress telling me to go and clean myself. As I crawled away she gave me the double ended dildo and told me I could lick ?her? end of it. It was wet with her juice, creamy and delicious. I lapped at it like a man dying of thirst. It tasted of heaven, nectar, pure nectar.

Mistress then allowed me to sit at her feet and talk about my feelings. I was tongue tied then, still coming to terms with what had just taken place. When Mistress told me that she hadn?t fucked a slave for many years, I felt even more privileged, even more humble, knowing the she had indeed enjoyed herself. I begged Mistress to fuck me again soon, but was told that would not happen until I am able to take the big plug!

Later in the afternoon I drove Mistress home and in the evening went out for a wonderful meal with Mistress Cara  and her real man. The food was excellent, the wine was welcome, but the company was just the best I could have wished for. I am truly a very, very lucky and honoured slave.

After the meal, back at Mistress Cara?s home I sat contentedly rubbing her feet, while Mistress enjoyed watching her favorite Pink video with a final glass of wine and a chocolate sweet. Such decadence, such devoted service is deserved by such a natural, perfect Mistress.   

To round off a perfect day I was permitted once again to sleep on Mistress Cara?s sofa bed, where I drifted off to sleep dreaming of my wonderful amazing beautiful Mistress. 

D day tomorrow! I?m feeling very nervous, but very excited! I will be with my beautiful Mistress all day, some shopping at first, then the main event! Afterwards, a lovely evening meal together with her real man.

I have tried again for a final time to make the big plug slide in and although I have failed yet again, I think I now know the reason why it wont go in. taking it out after yet another failure, I noticed that the plug had no lube on it. I had carefully and liberally coated it beforehand, so I can only assume that my tight hole is wiping it dry as it goes in. Hence the pain and tight feeling. I am using the recommended lube and don?t have any other, I can only hope that Mistress Cara will know what to do ? apart from push harder of course! Perhaps a medical exam is in order?

In any event, I didn?t want to do any damage tonight, so I concentrated on easing the medium plug in and out, stretching my hole as best I could. That plug comes out with lube still on, so I need to stretch a bit more. At least I know the reason, if not the answer. Its all up to my adorable Owner and Mistress now?..    

Having spent Tuesday evening with Mistress Cara, I now only have 2 nights left to practise taking the big plug. Mistress Cara has kindly sent me some sensational pictures of her wearing the huge strap-on that she will be using on Friday. It looks massive, I started trembling as I looked at it. Mistress looked fantastic, dressed in a pvc corset with her huge cock sticking out. She looked so powerful, so Dominant, so sexy and desirable. I wanted to wank my little clit and spurt my slime just looking at her pictures. She looked so formidable, utterly beautiful. The pictures brought the reality home to me, no more time for fantasy, in less that 48 hours Mistress Cara will fuck me with her huge cock. With panic beginning to creep in, I quickly put the medium plug in and kept holding it at its widest part on my tight hole, hoping to loosen up for the big plug. I edged at the same time, hoping it would relax me. I dare not get too close, knowing I would lose control. Instead I quickly took the plug out and tried to push the big one in. it went so far, then stopped. I pushed and twisted, to no avail. Breathless with the effort, I took a short break. An hour later I tried again, first the medium plug, which almost fell in. I added extra lube to the big one, covered my hole with more lube and tried again. It went in a little further this time. Roughly pushing and twisting it, I managed to push it in even further. It was almost in, so close, the pain was incredible, try as I might I couldn?t push it in the final inch or so. Breathless, I sat with the plug still in, hoping to stretch that last little bit. While I was getting my breath back Mistress Cara texted me, threatening severe punishment if I failed again tonight. I begged her to be patient a little longer. I knew now that on Friday, if not before, the big plug would go in. I felt sure that Mistress Cara would be able to force it in, without damage! I still wanted to be able to do it myself, as ordered, but at least I was a little relieved. The dildo is slightly smaller than the big plug, so I knew that I would be able to take that at least.

Determined to succeed, I tried yet again, even though my arse was so tender. I used much more lube than normal, it was dripping off my ass cheeks. The medium one fell in again and after a few minutes stretching I tried again with the big one. With tears of frustration and pain, I pushed and twisted as hard as I could. It went in again, just not that final inch. I sat, resting my weight on it, waiting for it to slide in. I kept looking at the photos of Mistress Cara and her strapon. To my shame, my clit started to get hard just at the sight of her. Mistress looked awesome, she had taken the photos from a worms eye view. My view, as I kneel in front of her, sucking her cock before she fucks me with it. Her beautiful face looking down, a worms eye view of her cleavage in one picture. Her soft white thighs framing her rampant cock, so much bigger than my pathetic clit. I longed to stroke it, to make it spurt my sissy slime as I looked in awe at my supreme Mistress. Waking from my reverie, I tried one final time, with the same useless result.  

With only a few days remaining my nervousness and anxiety are growing by the hour. So too is my love and devotion to my Owner, the divine MistressCara. I know that Friday will be brutal and harsh, degrading and painful. I will be humiliated and shamed more than ever before. And yet, even as Mistress Cara strips away any remaining self respect that I may have, even as I break down and cry like the sissy slut that I am, I know, I KNOW, that afterwards, Mistress Cara will comfort me and care for me and piece me back together again. I couldn?t wish for anything more than that. I couldn?t wish for a more perfect Mistress.

Once again I was excused anal training on Friday night, I had begged Mistress Cara to allow me to provide supper for her following her long, tiring journey the night before.

Thankfully Mistress seemed to enjoy the shop bought chilli that I had brought, together with the wine. Mistress Cara very kindly allowed me to sit at her feet all evening and rub her tired feet and back. It is such a great honour and pleasure for me to be able to serve my Mistress in this way, I would never have dreamed it possible, just a few short weeks ago. In that short time I have had my dreams realised, submitting totally to such a beautiful, kind caring Mistress.

I don?t think that I have ever been happier in my life than I am now, being Owned and used by Mistress Cara. I have learnt the joy of wanting to do something for someone very special, without any gain for myself. No ulterior motive, no reward except that inner glow of having pleased a very special, unique woman. I wish that I had been brave enough, or confident enough to surprise Mistress Cara on her return from the North.

On Saturday morning I was lucky enough to drive Mistress on some errands before asking permission to leave her to the delights of her real man and return to my own home.

With less than a week remaining I resumed my anal butt plug training with increasing desperation. Mistress has been very supportive of my efforts so far and has offered advice and encouragement but I know that on Friday I will be humiliated and abused more than ever before.

Being on such an emotional high, I hoped that finally the big plug would co-operate! The medium plug slid in as usual and after applying large amounts of lube to the big plug I tried again to make it fit. I sat on it, I wriggled around with it in as far as it would go. I tried with the vibrator on, with the vibrator off. I clenched and un-clenched, hoping it would go in. I am beginning to fear that Mistress will have to deliver the coup de grace on Friday before impaling her helpless, useless sissy on her fearsome strap-on.   

Mistress Cara has been staying up north for a few days and is driving home tonight in torrential rain. I hope she has a safe journey. I know she will be tired when she arrives home, I wish I could be there to greet her and to have a bath prepared for her. Mistress had instructed me to turn on the heating and hot water on my way home from work. I took the opportunity for a last check around to make sure everything was neat and tidy. I put some fresh milk in the fridge and left a loaf of bread out as well.

Back home, my thoughts still with my Mistress, I prepared once again for my anal training. I have almost given up hope of being able to take the big plug, but will keep on trying. With barely a week to go before Mistress Cara fucks me, I have been trying to prepare myself for the ordeal. I desperately want to submit to her, my Mistress, my Owner but I know how humiliating it will be, whether or not I can take her big strap-on. I can?t decide which will be more humiliating, being able to or not. The shame of not being able to please Mistress will be too much to bear. In any event I am almost certain to break down in tears, either of joy and relief, or more likely of frustration, failure and abject misery.

At the moment the prospect of the pain, the shame and humiliation seem almost secondary to the desperate need to please my wonderful, beautiful Mistress.

Once again, the medium plug slid in like a rat up a drain pipe. I eased it in and out, stretching my hole as much as I could. After several minutes I prepared the big plug and tried to quickly slide it in. as always it went in halfway then came to an abrupt halt. Nothing seems to make it go in any further, sitting on it, twisting and turning it, changing position. No effect at all. Time is running out?.

With the clock ticking before Mistress Cara fucks my arse next Friday, I am becoming increasingly worried that I still cannot take the big plug. I know that this is bigger than Mistress's strap-on, so I need to be able to take it to be able to enjoy Mistress Cara humiliating me and proving her full control of me. With this in mind, tonight I decided to try to relax my tight hole, to try to feel what it will be like to have her deep inside me. I slid the medium plug in as usual and turned the built in vibrator on. I'm getting used to the sensations, but tried to relax and enjoy them rather than fight them. I sat cross legged on the floor, not quite sitting directly on the plug. I gently squeezed and relaxed my hole, feeling the different sensations moving up and down inside me. I tried to relax my hole, letting the plug begin to slip out before clenching again to pull it back in again. I repeated this for several minutes, slowly beginning to feel at ease with the movement and changing vibrations. I moved position, lying on my side, still clenching and unclenching.

After several minutes in this position I again moved, this time lying on my back, my knees bent up. I gently moved the tip of the plug with my finger, feeling how the slightest movement changed the vibrations. I then resumed clenching and unclenching, as well as moving my hips up and down. That felt good, but I felt such a slut and imagined Mistress Cara with her strap-on looking down at her sissy slut as she pounds away, making me beg for more, pleading with her to fuck me, watching as her pleasure grows and grows.

Anxious to make the most of being relaxed, I quickly took the medium plug out and once again tried the big plug. As always, it slid in half way and then stuck. I rolled back onto my hands and knees and kept trying to force it in, still thinking of Mistress Cara and how I must do everything I can to please and obey her. Was it me, or did it go in a bit further than before? If it did it still was not enough. I know that once it goes in the first time it will only get easier subsequently. I'm beginning to lose hope, thinking that Mistress Cara will have to force it in before she uses her strap-on. I have just over a week to learn how to take it and will keep trying every day til then.  

On my way home from work I stopped off at Mistress Cara?s home to complete the decorating I had started on Sunday. Mistress is away for a few days, so I let myself in with the key she had given me. What an honour that is, to be entrusted with the keys to her home. I felt so proud, so pleased that my Owner trusted me enough to complete my tasks unsupervised. I carefully went round the room, touching in areas that I had left on Sunday, careful not to spill a drop of paint on the carpet. It felt strange being in my Owner?s home without her. I kept turning round, expecting to see Mistress standing at the door, watching her sissy at work. I could smell her perfume all around me, I looked wistfully at the sofa where Mistress Cara would relax as I knelt down, rubbing her feet, listening to her soft sensual voice.

Once I had finished I tidied away all the paint, brushes etc and started to wash and tidy the kitchen, as I have been trained to do every time I visit my Mistress. Satisfied that I had done my best, I returned home. Later in the evening I prepared my medium butt plug for my nightly training session. As is usual now it slid in without any problem.

After last night?s milking session, tonight I concentrated on expanding my tight hole. In only 10 days Mistress Cara  will fuck me, whether or not I am ready, so I desperately need to be able to take the big pink plug that she bought for me. I kept the medium plug at its widest part on my tight hole, hoping to stretch it enough to take the big plug. I held it in place for several minutes, slowly easing it in and out before removing it and quickly trying to force the big plug in. it went in so far, about halfway as usual, but no further. I sat on it on my desk, hoping to force it, but it would not move. I tried twisting it and pushing at the same time, turning it like a corkscrew. Nothing. Why won?t it go in? the medium one was impossible at first, but after a week it slid in easily. Surely it will be the same with the big plug. It?s not big by any means, less than 2? diameter. I know many people can and do take much larger plugs with ease, so why can?t I? It?s not particularly painful trying, it just won?t budge! I will try again tomorrow.  

After the wonderful weekend spent with Mistress Cara , I was keen to resume my anal training. As soon as I got home from work I prepared the medium plug. As is usual now, it slid in with little effort. Mistress Cara  had given me some advice about how to milk myself, which is how she intends to drain my slime in the future. Despite the need for me to be able to take the large plug, I was keen to try again to milk myself. It has been 6 weeks since I was last permitted to drain my baby balls and I knew Mistress Cara would be pleased if I could drain myself.
Following her advice, I edged my little clit. Following a week without even that pleasure, it felt so good to be stroking my pathetic little nub once again.
As soon as it became hard I stopped stroking and turned the plug vibrator on, slowly increasing to full speed. By carefully moving the plug I could vary the sensations I felt. Sometimes by my ring, then up inside me. I kept doing this, lightly holding my clit but not stroking it.
After several minutes I began to tremble, felt my tight hole clenching the plug tightly as the vibrations went through me.  I stopped looking at the photos of my Mistress, closed my eyes and thought of her, how good it felt to be at her feet, how natural, rubbing them and her legs, how beautiful and kind she is, how harsh and cruel she can be. I thought of how much she means to me, how desperate I am to serve her and care only for her pleasure.
I began to breathe deeply, trembling more and more. I looked down and saw that about a teaspoon of slime had oozed out of my useless clit. I didn?t stop, I kept the vibrator going, still thinking of my divine Mistress, how pleased she would be. After several more minutes I felt another dribble of slime seep out. My clit was quite soft now, only the plugs vibrations and thoughts of my Owner had caused the leakage. Reluctantly I turned the plug off and paused to regain my breath. In all about 2 teaspoons had oozed out. It looked vile, yellow and rancid after 6 weeks. I gritted my teeth and began to lick it off the towel. Mistress Cara  is keen on recycling. I had hoped that the milking may have relaxed my ever tight hole, so after a few minutes respite I again tried with the big plug. It went in halfway as usual, but no more. I was pleased to have milked, but very disappointed that I still was unable to take the big plug.     

What a wonderful weekend it has been, spent serving my Owner, the amazing Mistress Cara. On Saturday I called on Mistress mid-morning and accompanied her on shopping errands. At lunchtime Mistress chose a suitable pub for refreshment and we sat chatting and relaxing. During the course of conversation Mistress Cara  paid me an amazing compliment, a sign of her trust in her useless sissy. It was so unexpected and so special, I was lost for words at the time. The impact is still sinking in and has made me more determined than ever to serve my Mistress in any way she sees fit. I feel so unworthy, so useless serving such a wonderful Mistress. I felt very privileged to be her property.
Later I drove Mistress to my home where she relaxed and enjoyed a cup of tea, and inspected my humble home!
In the evening I accompanied Mistress and her real man to a firework show. As predicted it rained heavily while we waited for the show to begin. Thankfully I had an umbrella and stood guard over my Mistress, ensuring that she escaped the worst of the downpour. I think that if she had instructed me, I would have gladly knelt in the mud so that she could sit down! During the display, thousands of people were watching the fireworks while I gazed at my Mistress, seeing the pleasure on her face, watching her enjoyment. Once again, I felt very privileged to be her property.
After the fireworks I drove her to her home and spent the rest of the evening contentedly sat at her feet, rubbing her feet, legs and back.
Mistress Cara  had permitted me to spend the night at her home, as on Sunday I was to decorate her living room. As Mistress helped me to prepare the sofa bed, she once again rewarded me, telling me that I may once again edge myself twice daily. Mistress had forbidden it for a week, as I had become over-excited and close to losing control of my little clit. To be able to resume edging was wonderful news, especially to be able to edge while in my Mistress?s home, a perfect end to a perfect day.
On Sunday, after a late breakfast, Mistress Cara  and her family left me alone to start the decorating. I had begged to be able to do this, as I desperately wanted to show my devotion to my Mistress, to give something back for all the time and attention that Mistress has so kindly given to her useless sissy. It is too easy to simply send a gift from her wishlist, I wanted to work hard to please my Mistress, to do something purely to please my Owner. So I set to work, preparing and painting the walls. Mistress returned home while I was halfway through. She then made herself comfortable, watching TV, answering e-mails as well as keeping a close watch on her perspiring slave. I?m not sure if I was perspiring from exertion or from nervousness. I finally completed all that I could, and thankfully Mistress Cara  said that she was pleased with the result. What a relief! I still have to finish small details, but I went home feeling very happy and content, knowing that I had pleased my Mistress. That is more than enough reward for this little slave. I still have my anal training to complete tonight, knowing that it is now less than 2 weeks before my beloved Mistress intends to fuck my ass, whether or not I am ready for it.     

I am so, so lucky. I will be spending most of my weekend with my Owner, the divine Mistress Cara! What a great honour, a privilege for a useless sissy like me. Tomorrow, Saturday, Mistress has allowed me to take her shopping and other vanilla events then on Sunday I have been permitted to re-decorate her living room as a sign of my devotion to her.
Right now I am sat writing this journal with my medium plug deep in my slutty hole. I have already tried again to take the big pink plug, to no avail. This time I sat right down on it, on my desk. I pushed as hard as I could, until I gasped with pain. I added more lube and tried again, and again. I was staring at the strap-on dildo that Mistress Cara  will use, knowing that if I can take the plug, then when Mistress fucks me in 2 weeks, I will be able to take the dildo.
I feel so frustrated, humiliated that the big plug won?t go in. I can hear Mistress laughing, mocking me, taunting me.
I feel so on edge, desperate to see my Mistress, desperate to milk myself, desperate for Mistress Cara  to fuck me, desperate to surrender completely to my Owner.
My regular vanilla meetings with Mistress are so wonderful, so rewarding, so unexpected and yet so frustrating. I long to be able to grovel naked at her feet, to feel the lash of her crop, to worship her feet, to hear her verbal humiliation of my pathetic clit, to bury my face in her divine bottom and worship her endlessly. I cannot complain, I know how amazingly privileged I am, how honoured I am, how unworthy I am. Perhaps it is just a measure of how completely Mistress Cara  has taken over my life. I wouldn?t change it for the world. 

I?m glad to be back home after 2 days away on business. Last night I was able to keep in touch with Mistress Cara  while in my hotel room. When I got home tonight I read my e-mails from Mistress. She has now instructed me to write all my journals in pink!

Well, pretty pink print and pretty pink panties are a paltry price to pay to pamper a perfect Princess!

Home again and back to my anal training. As is now usual, I easily put the medium plug in and then began to ease it in and out, trying to stretch my still tight hole. The clock is ticking before Mistress Cara  fucks me with her strap-on and I desperately need to be able to take the big plug first.

I updated my profile while sitting on the plug and did some other chores. Finally after several minutes I prepared the big plug. I quickly took out the medium one and tried to push the big one in, hoping my hole would still be stretched. As usual, the first half went in fairly easily, but again I could not make slide all the way in. Mistress Cara  had advised me to try sitting on a hard chair, to try to force it in. I did this but despite intense pain it would go no further. As before I sat for a few minutes with the plug half in, hoping it would slowly sink in. the only thing to sink were my spirits, as the plug would not go in. I will keep trying, I have to keep trying.