Cannelle

A final goodbye is hard to do. But is it a final goodbye when the person does not know it? 

What really is a final goodbye? Are goodbyes really final?

Are we destined to say goodbye over and over again to people who you think that is gone out of our life only to have them come back at a later date?

I hope not. For my final goodbyes were said without the person knowing. No words were spoken. No tears were shead. Just a simple gesture and it was all done with.

No more pain control has been taken back. It is now mine.

A song sung by two very famous singers says
 
Goodbye, easier said than done. Goodbye, there's no good when you're the one
Whose goodbye you swore would never come,
And in my goodbye you're finding none

Sorry to have to do it without you knowing but I can no longer live like this. No longer can I hope and pray. No longer can I stay. Goodbye.

mija

Alas I am at a loss for things to say. There is no one here on this grand world wide web that I can talk to.

Yesterday the father of my child sat in my office. I thought really that people were suppose to change for good when they got older. Not this man. This man has turned fat. I'm talking obese fat. He is sloppy and has let himself go. He also stunk. He stunk of old cooking grease and bug spray. My office reeked after he left.
 
So I had the WTF moment that people sometimes get. Now don't get me wrong my child I love her to death. She is one of the only good things that he has done with his life. Well he gave me one of those Crock Pots that come appart. That thing is cool. But I realized that maybe I didn't really love him. That it was all just pretend.

Then I started thinking about another. Yeah that other. I have caused myself so much heart ache and pain over this person and I don't think that he even knows it. Then again maybe he does. But you know I got to thinking if I ever saw him again what would happen. Then I realized nothing would happen. Nothing would happen because I think that I have finally taken that power back from him. He no longer controls me. I no longer care for him the way that I use to. If I do not care for him like that then he can not control me.

Part of growing up is the reality that you have to face your past. I faced my past yesterday. I think that I came out ok.

I have a long way to go. But I'll be ok.

You abandoned me
Love don't live here anymore
Just a vacancy
Love don't live here anymore

When you lived inside of me
There was nothing I could conceive
That you wouldn't do for me
Trouble seemed so far away
You changed that right away, baby

[chorus]

Love don't live here anymore
Just emptiness and memories
Of what we had before
You went away
Found another place to stay, another home

[chorus]

In the windmills of my eyes
Everyone can see the loneliness inside me
Why'd ya have to go away
Don't you know I miss you so and need your love

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]

La Da Da Da Da Da

Big girls don?t cry
Big girls don?t cry

Big girls don?t cry-yi-yi (they don?t cry)
Big girls don?t cry (who said they don?t cry?)
My girl said goodbye-yi-yi (my oh my)
My girl didn?t cry (I wonder why)

(Silly boy) told my girl we had to break up
(Silly boy) hoped that she would call my bluff
(Silly boy) then she said to my surprise
?Big girls don?t cry?
Big girls don?t cry-yi-yi (they don?t cry)
Big girls don?t cry (who said they don?t cry?)

(Maybe) I was cru-u-uel (I was cruel)
Baby I?m a fool (I?m such a fool)

(Silly girl) ?Shame on you?your mama said
(Silly girl) ?Shame on you, you?re cryin?in bed? (Silly girl)
?Shame on you, you told me lies? Big girls do cry

Big girls don?t cry-yi-yi (they don?t cry)
Big girls don?t cry (that?s just an alibi)
Big girls don?t cry
Big girls don?t cry
Big girls don?t cry
Big girls don?t cry
Big girls don?t cry