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calicocaress

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Charismatic blonde Femme Domme with natural leadership abilities seeks one devoted follower. I enjoy all kinds of "bottoms", but the man I can build a long-term relationship with is one that wants a true female led relationship with intimacy, play, power exchange and possibly a harmonious home life. I am looking for something beyond a monthly play date. Things about Vanilla me - I have a graduate degree and I am well educated on fine living. I am involved in lots of civic groups. I have been on Boards of Directors. I have interacted with thousands of needy families in the Los Angeles Area and tried to help them succeed. I think when you are blessed you need to give back. I do know how to select wine and truffles, how to cook gourmet meals (although I hate washing dishes), dance, sail, write, paint, balance budgets, and know there is far more about "living" than the frills. A comfortable home for me is full of love...even when it has a dungeon room. Things about Kinky me - well that goes on for pages and pages. I have plenty of stories to share on a first date. I have a ton of education about all kinds of kinky play. I make heavy masochists giggle. I make light sensualists cry just from opening my tool kit. I am like Goldilocks, I am still looking for a play partner who is "just right". I am the leader of Unicorns and Boys Who Clean for Dommes on Fetlife and a few other groups. I believe SERVICE is a major component of both who I AM and who I want to be with in the future. I love when boys play chauffeur and masseur for me..,hopefully not at the same time! I am very straight-forward about what I want. I have zero desire to be a polyamourous secondary partner. I don't cheat so have no desire to date married men and other men who are in committed long-term relationships. I am looking for a SINGLE man who is emotionally available and is regularly able to spend time with me. I am looking for a man of high integrity. I have zero tolerance for bullshit and liars. I am a non-smoker. I am allergic to both tobacco and pot. I am a light drinker. I am fond of an occasional cocktail or a nice glass of wine. I don't do recreational drugs .I am into CONTROL at all times so getting wasted for me isn't fin. I do trip on life. If you think we may click, write me a note.

5/28/2016 7:58:50 AM

I originally posted this writing on FETLIFE today:

I Disagree with Elton John...

SORRY is not the hardest word. MAYBE is.

A maybe sometimes is a perhaps. Many times maybe is a polite no. Maybe on a Fetlife RSVP list often means "I am not actually planning on going to your event, but I am promoting it on my feed for you". I hate that often I can't perceive the meaning of maybe in many circumstances. Maybe keeps me waiting. Maybe sometimes gives me false hope. When maybe is used to reserve the right to a yes....when the affirmative answer finally arrives....the window of opportunity with me is often closed.

I prefer clear directions. I don't like gray areas, I like things black or white. I like confident answers from confident people. I like GOINGS over MAYBES on guest lists. YES rocks my World, MAYBE often aggravates me.

"Sorry Is the Hardest Word" is one of the most beautiful songs of all times. For those of you born after 1976, here's a link to the tune:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2e4NlnLr28

To me, maybe is the hardest word.


5/22/2016 12:41:05 PM
Crickets. I am only hearing crickets on my Collarspace account. Yes, I rarely login.  I am NOT looking for a cuckhold married slave to sleep on my bedroom floor and just watch me. I am NOT looking to grab a cup of coffee with a stranger who wants to discuss the size of my butt. I am NOT looking for a 28-30 boy to "train and maintain". Now let me be more positive. I am looking for a real relationship with a submissive or switch single man close to my age. I'd like to start dating. If we click... Ideally I'd like to have someone to share my life with....the kinky stuff and the Vanilla everyday stuff. Is there anyone out there possibly for a real relationship?

4/21/2015 8:45:19 PM
I originally posted this article to FETLIFE a couple of days ago.  A few people didn't agree with one line....the line about the Domme having her phone out on a date.


Part Three - The Guide to Dating and Mating with Dominant Women

 

This installment will probably trigger some flames --- but here its goes. You have spent a lot of time and energy getting that Dominant Lady to date you.
If you pulled-out your telephone and answered that message from another lady on OKCupid --- right there --- in front of your possible new Mistress. WRONG MOVE BOYS!

I can't tell you how important it is YOU ARE PRESENT on a date with a Domme. Unless you are a Cardiac Surgeon, the best place for your cell phone on a date with a Domme is in your car. Seriously, If you can't resist the lure of answering every single text message the second you receive it...leave your cell phone in your car. If you are nervous about leaving it in your car, then turn your cell phone OFF and place it in a pocket, your briefcase, your fanny pack or your murse (man purse).

If your Domme has her phone out, that is not your concern. You are the one trying to woo a Domme. If she wants to show you photos of her Pekingese, her perfect Paprikash, or her Pallet-Wrapped ex-boyfriend, be excited that she wants to SHARE with you.

BEING PRESENT on a date is important. Try to focus on getting to know your date. The rewards are great.


4/19/2015 9:42:31 AM

I originally posted this on FETLIFE in March 2015.

Part Two - Guide to Dating and Mating with a Dominant Woman

 

You've made it to the dining table with the Dominant Lady of your dreams. Let us just talk about some commonsense things that will help you move to the next date.

1. Courtesy Extends to Wait Staff and Parking Valets

You would never consider acting jerky with your Domina, don't do it with the people around her. It's all about keeping the evening as pleasant as possible. When your server is desiring to communicate with you about the specials, give him or her your attention. Tip your Waiter/Waitress and the Parking Valet generously. Practice saying "Thank You" and smiling as dishes are cleared by the Bus Boy, your wine glass is filled, new courses are delivered, etc. If things work with your Domme, you'll be saying THANK YOU a lot to her ;-)

2. How to Pay for The Meal

Sure your date is an independent and confident lady. You should still plan on paying for 100% of the meal. Here's where you should decline a Domme's request, don't let her toss in some cash for the tip, wine, etc. No "going Dutch". Your first date is critical on setting the tone of your relationship.

One gentleman I dated said to me "excuse me Honey I need to use the restroom". The sneaky devil had paid the check before he had returned to the table. When I foolishly offered him some cash for the valet's tip, he said "count on me to be GENEROUS to you., buying you a salad doesn't mean I own you". "Buying you a salad means I want to be owned by you". Show your lady you know how to HOST. If you are lucky, she may take you HOSTAGE later.

3. Have an EXIT Strategy Planned before You Even Leave on Your First Date

The goodnight kiss is usually delicious. Many men just FUMBLE on the last five minutes of the date. They don't clearly communicate their desire to see their date again. Weird...all that planning and energy went into the first date. The entire date can be ruined in the last five minutes.

Gentleman that line "I'll call you later" is just plain stupid. The "three day rule" is pointless with dealing with a Domina. Try to act cool and detached and most Dommes can and will replace you in under 72 hours. If you are anxious to serve her, be honest about it.

I think the worst line I ever got on the end of a first date was "I have four other kinky ladies on OKCupid that I promised to takeout...after I am through going out once with all of them --- then I will take you out again". Even the Russian Romantic Gymnastics Judge gave him a ZERO for that dismount.

Gentleman know your own calendar of availability. Chat with your Domina about calendaring the next day she may take audience with you. Do not be afraid of seizing that opportunity of getting on her social calendar immediately. Let her know it would be a PRIVILEGE to see her again. It really is!

More topics later....


4/19/2015 9:36:46 AM

I originally posted this writing on Fetlife in March 2015

Dating and Mating with Dominant Woman - Part One

 

Lately, I have been meeting more and more men who long have had fantasies of dating a dominant woman. Some have had experiences with Professional Dommes. Some have been secondary partners to Married Dommes. Some get turned-on by simply looking at photos of women wearing latex and other fetish wear. Some watch S&M porn for hours. Some spend a lot of time at dungeons, but never really do connect with any lady for the purposes of a relationship outside of the club. There all kinds of men who dream of dating a Domme. Never assume all men wanting to be with Dommes are Submissives. It is really quite far from the truth.

When many boys with dreams of dating that Domme, finally find the Dominant Lady they would like to pursue a romantic relationship with....they blow it....royally blow it. I thought I'd just write a few common sense things down that will make it much easier for darling men seeking quality (unpaid) time with Dommes to actually get it.

1. Communicate Your Interest

Don't wait for the lady to ask you out. If she does --- be quick to say YES.

2. Picking a Restaurant

Feeding your lady is part of the normal primal mating dance. If you outright ask a Domme where she would like to have dinner, listen to her request. Negative points for asking her where she would like to go and then selecting ANOTHER place. If you have budget limitation, just learn to frame your question for an appropriate answer. I have dates ask "could you suggest two or three good, moderately priced restaurant in your neighborhood" . I have had dates making it a multiple question test, like "what are your favorite types of cuisine" and then moving to "what are favorite Italian restaurants in your neighborhood". Then they look at the menus and determine the price of a meal. Of course if budget is not an issue, if your lady says "I want to go to Inn and Out Burger" or "I want to go to Melisse in Santa Monica" .....JUST TAKE HER THERE.

3. Be on Time

Seriously, it doesn't matter if the 405 is congested, your canary just called you a swear word or friend in the witness protection program is hiding in your basement. Dominant Ladies EXPECT you to be on time. If you are routinely late --- you are controlling other peoples lives with your tardiness. Tardiness is a power move Dommes do not appreciate. I will go further than that...all people HATE when you show them disrespect by being late. Plan your journey ahead. It does not hurt to be early, but if you are early don't stress your Domme to run out the door early. A call saying "I am here early, but take your time...you are worth waiting for" goes a very long way.

If your Domme is cooking for you. You are an especially lucky men. Be on time and bring your Hostess a surprise - flowers, wine, candy underpants, etc.

4. Ordering Food

It is unbelievable how many men take a Dominant Woman out and attempt to ORDER FOR HER! It is a big NO NO. Splitting food is also tricky. If you want to share a Double Porterhouse, she gets to call the degree of heat. Give her the steak the way she like it....and maybe, just maybe she will control the degree of heat in your sex life the way you both like it.

More Later!


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cathyuk
 
 Age: 29
 Rochester, United Kingdom