I must be doing something wrong. 

No amount of offering myself to women will encourage them to take me on as a full time slave / submissive. 

It's depressing, there must be someone out there that wants someone to worship them. 

I won't bore you with the details 

Surely there are some women who would like to take advantage of my cunnilingus skills

Please do contact me if you need a regular liaison with a submissive man. 

Of course if you read my journal you will obviously presume these are the writings of a constantly horny man who is not so much turned on by the obvious beauty of all women but more turned on by those women who demonstrate a power in their sexuality. Women who have the strength of character to project and increase my understanding that I am the weaker sex are the ones that take a hold of my very existence. 

And in return they have me.

For 15 years my relationship with a bisexual dominant woman change me. Her need to control was immense,  my need to serve and be submissive  to her only grew. Later in our relationship when she had striped me of any manly traits I became more eroticised by giving oral than any other sexual act. 

Although I thought I was in a loving relationship I was wrong for 15 years I was but a toy to her and amusement when it suited her. A punch bag when her disgust in me could not be hidden. I was to far under her control when the violence started to really get bad to do anything about it. The beatings  didn't happen often but were extreme when they did happen. I feel shame that I allowed her to do the things she did to me but at the same time ........well it's confusing because even today I would gladly take the beatings to be in her presence serving  her again, and i know that is so wrong. 

I realise that she knew me better than i knew myself. right from the beginning of our relationship she had plans to turn me into the submissive bitch boy she wanted me to be. 

I can't go back to being what I was before I met her she has created the strapon loving obedient bitch that I am. 

I think I hide my submissiveness well.

When I am approached by submissive women who want to strike up a relationship with me I just turn them down, usually I am ashamed to say in a flirty way that makes them want me more, which when you think about it is a control game in a way ..... but then I have learnt from the best. Sadly I have tried to make a go of it with some non kinky submissive women but it's not long before my submissive nature starts to effect a relationship that is based on me supposedly being the strong man. Funny but some women just don't want to hear their man ask them if they would be interested in fucking me with a strapon. 

Usually it is me that gets hurt the most and I have to say a little resentful when I am dumped, women can be so cruel and matter of fact. I don't need that sort of emotional hurt where I am the butt of a woman's scorn just because I want to be controlled by her and have the chance to serve her and experience sexual domination that she mainly gets a kick out of. .........submissive or should I say non kicky girls just don't travel on the same path.

There is no point trying  any more with these types of ladies for me no matter how attractive they are there is no point in it, they are as alien to me as if I was to have an affair with a man when i am not in any shape or form gay. in actual fact straight non kicky ladies are so similar to gay men. There have been times that  gay men have come on to me and I see the same typology in gay men as in straight non kiky women they are both annoying ...........oh hark at me ! what a bitch I am, sorry that is not a fair thing to say. It's just my frustration of not attracting a dominant women which makes me react to these other advances in such an acidy way. 

How can I be attractive to on the one hand straight non kinky women and then on the other what seems like unashamed out and out camp as you can get gay men. I feel that they are only seeing in me what they want to see. They aren't looking closely and thinking about my mannerisms to realise that I am a straight submissive man. Yes confident on the outside and productive in many ways in my life albeit a little sad and lonely but able to deal with those negative feelings very easily most of the time. 

Ok so I live in Brighton so presumably lots of gay men are always trying it on with straight men all the time to see if they can get a straight man into bed  and as for those non kinky women well it's not their fault because I haven't be honest about my sexuality to them from the beginning. And even non kinky women can obviously have a devious side only keeping me on because they like the cunnilingus skills I have or maybe more accurately the passion for cunnilingus that I have.

Either way it doesn't sit well, it's complicated if I was a true submissive surely I would abandon my kinky needs and do whatever was called of me. But submissives need things too, it's not domming from the bottom it's just a fact of life that submissives need to feel the control of a dominant force in charge of them we just aren't truly happy with out you dommes telling us what to do some of if not all of the time. 

Sorry about the bad spelling and punctuation I will come back to this and correct it later. 

I have been thinking for sometime that I should really get a Prince Albert piercing due to the fact that if I was kept in chastity I would want to be sure that there was no escape. I was going to just get it done myself, before I thought that it would be much better if the next woman I am with gets to watch it being done to me. 

The thought of being pierced as a domme looks down on me, excites me and makes me realise that this is the only way I should get pierced, although it would be even better if the piercer was the domme herself. 

Tattoos and brandings also cross my mind but I would only have these I feel, if I was in a serious  LT FLR. 

The likelihood I feel of meeting another femdom and clicking seem very very unlikely due to my shyness and lack of involvement with the scene I guess I must live the lie and project the dominant male side of me which is all an act and only makes me unhappy. 

Of course the other thing that is sad is I would make the right woman a very good submissive companion. Yes I might need some training to start with but I feel I have the commitment and skills to make the right lady happy. 

From a sexual point of view although I have been told on many occasion that my dicklet is useless at giving pleasure to women, my oral skills have been fine tuned by most of my past dominant partners who have praised me many  times for my cunnilingus skills, I take great pride in this. 

Although i am not a pain junkie I understand that some dommes take great pleasure from inflicting make on their males, although I don't particularly enjoy this kink that some ladies have,  I have endured many tortures from past partners who have enjoyed seeing me suffer and enjoyed the humiliation and further deeper servitude any punishment their pain giving creates in me.

I don't know my limits yet so if there are any ladies looking test me out please do get in touch. 

Busy setting up plans for business ventures in 2015 at the moment so only on collerme every other day. 

Still haven't found any dominant ladies that have any interest in me yet. 

I hope future .............omg hold on oh I feel a bit dizzy. Just had a bowl of pasta and now just want to fall a sleep. 

Not sure if that is diabetes or hyperglycaemia. 

whatever it is I need a nap ...........ffs I am getting old. :-) but i feel 20 ! 

Where do the years go ?

I have been thinking be careful who your trust or maybe don't care if a trust is broken. Better still never trust or let your guard down. 

The enemy is other humans in general, they are mostly mental creates that only do harm. I include myself in that destructive path of the human species, and neither feel liberated for knowing or have a plan for a better world.

It is time to give up on others and concentrate on me, but as a submissive this is easier said (or typed) than done. 

When I try to be self centred I rapidly drift back to helping others. 

I worry about this weakness, for that is what it is, many a time I find myself helping the less needy, indeed I find my self helping the control freaks of the world when there is a chance that I could achieve so much more in helping others if i just stayed away from the users of my good nature. 

I may have to dominate my own personality to control this weakness - which I am darn sure will create it's own issues. But I have to try to be strong and shy away from the local femdoms. 

I have started to apply to serve ladies who are advertising for 24/7 slaves etc but no success yet. I am pretty sure that when a lady announces that she would like a 24/7 slave she is bombarded by many submissives like myself desperate to serve, although this doesn't stop me from being upset when I have been turned down with out even a face to face or foot interview. 

It's very scary for me to approach ladies and offer myself as a 24/7 due to all the bad experiences I have had in the past with some particularly horrible females who really didn't care about me. 

I may give up and come to terms with the fact that my submissive sexuality is nothing but a curse and I must understand that I will be alone and periodically abused by women who only stay with me to see what they can get out of me.

Sorry bit depressed today not sure why ...... lacking female dominance in my life is a terribly uncomfortable feeling. 

How does a submissive creature like me ever find a partner that loves me for me. I am a bit worried that my kinky submissive nature is always going to lead me to those who really don't care about me and just want to entertain their psychopathic abusive control freak tendency on me, ............ and yet I am a moth to the flame to those females that enjoy degrading me. If only they knew that they had more power over me than they think they do. 

These aren't the follys of an internet wanna be, they are the expressions of a kind submissive male that wants to serve a women that appreciates me for me. 

I am easily moulded in to what you would want me to be, let me know if you feel the need to use your creative skills in making me the ideal sub for you.

OK So I was going to stop writing on this but, maybe just maybe some wanna be dommes will read this and take sometime to consider what I have to say. 

I am not expecting a domme to be nice or that an enamoured with a submissive man that approaches her via this site. But please ladies, submissive men surely are to be treasured and some respect for our built in nature should be nurtured to the point of complete loyalty, not abused and taken advantage of. 

So many of you are just out for money and I know there are those submissive men out there that just want to be financially ruined by a domme but I think probably these are in the minority and a lot that say they want a financial domme are actually just playing a game they will soon disappear once things get too expensive. 

Ok I know some of you are thinking well all I want is money - - but wait a moment.

Is it all you want. 

What about the love of a true submissive that will adore you and embrace every second with you with complete subjugation and at the day make you financially better off in the long run not in some sort of fast quick get the cash sort of way. 

I am sorry to go on and I know I am not very good at expressing myself with words but most submissive men can see straight through this silly financial domme game and aren't really interested. I think you will find most submissive men are looking ultimately for a domme they can serve for life. Yes I am talking a life long commitment to you.... that has to be better than a quick buck. 

Anyway thanks for reading if you did. 

Yours if you really want me,

Brighton Male Tart

I am going to stop writing on thls as no body is listening

Sane, fun to be with submissive male living in Brighton seeks strong dominant lady to take charge of him. 

I have my own place on the sea front and more than willing to share a bit of sun sea and kink with the right person with me being the submissive part of the relationship. 

Really unhappy not serving a domme at the moment.

It seems such a shame not to ba able to serve a dominant woman.

Can't seem to find any real dommes that want a loving submissive man on collar me.

I must be doing something wrong.

I don't know what to do .......bit confused, most seem to just want to make money out of me which is just not my thing.

I see myself being single for a while.

I Have met somebody here name is not important to you but she is extremely lovely. 

Unfortunately she is not a domme, so how long I can keep seeing her is a difficult one to make my mind up about. She is extremely attractive and I am somewhat punching over my weight. But she seems very very keen on me, but this does not excite me, far from it. Because she is not a domme I find myself being annoyed with her submissive ways.

She wants to have normal sex with me which we have done but I feel like a professional porn star as I pound her, It just does not excite me to have normal sex and yet I seem to do well in pleasing her sexually. More than likely because I can keep going for so long, which is due to my boredum rather than any amazing sexual prowess.

I am going to try not to be too nice to her so that she gets bored of me and dumps me.

Alernatively I might just tell her that I want her to fuck me with a strapon and maybe then she will dump me. although this is a dangerous route to take as she knows some of my friends and would probably tell them about my Submissive nature which I can't afford for them to know.