beautifullybroke

I consider myself to be complex in nature, one big mystery after another combined with a maelstrom of emotions and ever changing ambitions and ideas. Intelligent, with a charming radiant smile, sexually aggressive, feisty, playful, good self-image, secure in myself. I have the ability to charm a room full of people and at the same time show my devotion.

Below is an essay I wrote when I was 18.. Most still stands true


I want trust; the deepest level of acceptance is trust. I want. No I need to be able to trust him completely and have no doubt or question in my mind of his intentions toward me, His feelings for me. To know deep within my heart that He will never harm, never cross the bounds that have been set. That if I am uncomfortable he will understand. I need the deepest level of trust to be able to give myself into his complete control for if there is no trust for me there is no relationship.



I want to know my place with Him. I never want to doubt that I am what he wants. Perhaps this again plays into trust but its more.. Is consumption. I wish above all else, to feel utterly consumed, no matter submissive or mistress, I wish to feel all his attentions on me, and not for a moment or two. i wish to see in His eyes, a smoldering of flames, a passion that refuses to so be contained. i wish him to look to me, and know in that instant, that there is but one person that has his heart, and only does he look so too one being. I wish to feel his breath biting on my neck, a hot, heated thing, desiring to touch my flesh, I Wish to be His fantasy, a thing that cannot be denied, I Wish to be His whore, but not simply for what rests between my thighs.

You see a man goes to a whore, or visits a Madame, to find something he is denied, something so that haunts him. He pays for this, he surrenders his own funds, he gives up something that all men almost without fail seem to want… and in return she satisfies him, but it is not simply about sex nor carnal pleasure, it is about fulfillment, the fruition of some secret desire.


* A woman is not simply a hole to warm ones dick in, though many are used as such, in that, there is no passion. Passion too, is not enough; there must be a hunger, a sense of need, and a sense of dire consumption. i Wish is too feel a man, spend himself for all eternity within me, not to pace himself or measure off, his physical stamina, but to be beyond all hope of some cold calculation to thrust in me but once, and exhaust all of his energies, but then to feed from me in such a way, that it replenishes him completely.
* What I want extends beyond the bounds of simple, fleeting lust or passion, it is something that is within the man, too fulfill him in such a way that no other woman can. To be too him the courtesan, to be to him the back alley harlot, to be too him the fantasy that he tells no other woman, and to be worthy of such need, that he would sell all he was to have me.
* I want that fulfillment, I need that level of commitment, for any man can bang a whore, but how many can have such true emotion for there chosen?





I want affection, I want praise, i want attention, and i desire to have my male worship me, no matter the reason. This worship could take on many forms, for those of a more… dominant persuasion, it might be a kiss too the boot, but do I wish an empty peck, or a long, hungry lapping of the tongue, interlaced with a depraved growl of unmarred passion? Do i want the act, or do i so desire the emotion. If I am so a submissive, it might be as simple as, with a few honest words, telling me that i am his and nothing will ever break that… telling me with truth in his voice, that my place is never so in question.



I never wish to feel second, nor do i wish to wonder about my place. I never wish to be so confounded. Be he master or be he slave, He must be able to with but a look; convince me of His desires. No queen is second, no empress is ever to be overlooked, and no woman enjoys such a feeling, while pain might be given to teach an unruly slave a lesson, one should never look to play with such an emotion. This kind of callous treatment, will eventually sap a person of there will, and shatter there soul completely, they will be hallow, and utterly indifferent, and you will have undone any hope you have of making her yours for eternity.


* All women, no matter there pride, or there own personal sense of worth, will at times, measure themselves by there mate, and wish to be so measured in return. I will want to take pride in Him, and I want Him to take pride in me, a Master that does treat me well, and tells me that i am a good girl. I will want too be praised when I am so well behaved, and punished well when I am bad, so that way the game, as it is, is properly played. Attention given must be full, never allowing for laxness, I am by His side, do not let His eyes to another woman stray. I am there at His beck and call, and if I truly am this creature, then I will not tolerate such a thing, no matter how minor.


I need to feel objectified, but not in the way most go about it, they wish to be possessed, something cherished, something honored. I do not want to be a hole, something warm between Him and His mattress, but I want too be the jewel of His kingdom, of which He is the sole inhabitant. Maybe He is king, prince or pauper, but never should I feel cheap or cast aside for any reason, should I feel and be abandoned, for it is one of the few things that is not easily forgiven. A woman can forgive a husbands affair, as long as she does not feel like the second lover, a woman can forgive much pain, much hurting, as long as she does not feel as though she has been let go of, a woman can forgive many things, but few have ever forgiven abandonment in favor of someone “better”.

A slave is oft times a woman who finds her freedom, beneath a man, and part of that freedom is because the man commits himself to her, the man expends all he is, and only on her. A slave can even enjoy, watching another go at her Master, for in her soul she would see the lack of that level in his eyes, no matter how much he might, in that moment, enjoy her mouth around his shaft, she must in his eyes be able to see, that there is not that level of objectification. She is his diamond, while that paltry little tart is not but some well cut glass, pretty on the outside, but of no real value, when all things come to pass.



These are all things I want out of a relationship on a side note.. if I am not what you desire than at least remember this.



* “Few women will you meet, worthy of this level of involvement, fewer still will allow such things, for fear of having what is so dear to them, for then they could loose it. When you find her, do not hesitate, take her, and make her yours, as if your very life hinged on it. Commit fully to your chosen female, be she lover, Mistress, or submissive. Bow your head if you must, but never deny her that one look that you have for her, allow her to see that you would endure such agony, just to share that one moment with her vision. Do not relent when she cries out in pain, if you are her Master, spend yourself on her completely, and give her all of your emotions. Show her that you are, and that she is the one who will so face it, give to her what no other woman so has earned, give of your soul to that creature. Hold not back when the time does not need it, lest you hold back too much, and she finds such a withdrawal, or lack of emotion too hard to endure… do not abandon her, for no man of his right mind, would abandon his harlot, or his princess. Be her customer and her knight, her lover and her friend, be all that is in you too give, and remove and sense of trepidation. Do this for the woman, and she will belong too you, even if you wear her collar, she will be yours, and you will be hers too. Finally, as you might well read, if you look between the lines, that if you ask a woman to be yours, you must be willing to be hers as well. You must give what you are too take, if you wish a woman too keep, you must trade with her, and in that exchange, a sense of security will be reached. With each other you will be safe, and no one will shatter that bond… lust and passion can be frail, but this which I have put to text, of those emotions goes well beyond. “