3/17/2015 9:13:15 AM

"You can't even own the whole of you without owning someone that will allow you to be completely free to express yourself in all facets." --Innermind, on FL I feel this. It's not about not being whole. I am. But there is that part that is unexpressed. Silent. Dormant. Trapped, until some blessed victim sets it free -- and not just anyone holds that key.

9/6/2014 6:24:06 PM

I've given a lot of thought to what my ideal D/s relationship might look like. It's basically a standard relationship, except I have final say. That's it. It's simple, and it's easy, and neither of us have to be anything but ourselves. He isn't worthless, or insecure. He isn't weak or indecisive. He's geeky and maybe a little awkward, because that's my "type," regardless of power exchange. He's smart and quick, and he is not less than me. He's passionate. He knows what he wants. One of the things he wants most is to make me happy. He is obedient, and that makes me happy. He is willing to let me push his boundaries (and his buttons), because he trusts me. He understands that we will both make mistakes, and we will both work together to fix what goes wrong. What I want doesn't happen over night. And it doesn't work if our lifestyles don't match. We have to be able to be friends. The person I am looking for is either already involved in the BDSM community, or is willing to become involved. He doesn't feel like he has to outwardly conform to some standard of "normal," but he also doesn't flaunt his rejection of societal norms. I won't be a secret. Because our lifestyles must mesh, he'll have to be -- at a minimum -- good friends with my partner. If we can't all hang out comfortably, even enthusiastically, together... It won't work for very long. Again, not something that will come about instantly. With all of this in mind, I don't expect to meet this person online. Most likely, I'll meet him someplace while I'm just hanging out. If I do meet him online, we'll talk a lot, about vanilla stuff more than kink. Maybe I'll be attracted to him right away. Maybe not. But I won't know he's the right one for months, or years. It will come to me one day, and I'll consider it carefully. I'll talk to my partner about it. We'll all talk about it. Together, we'll decide to give it a try. And if it IS the right guy... All that waiting will be worth it.

8/28/2014 11:31:04 AM

My partner and I had a date last night. It was an interesting experience, but I think not one I will hurry to repeat. We had a male acquaintance over for the evening. It was a sort of forced-bi situation, a first for all of us. I think my conclusion is that I really strongly prefer men who identify as bisexual, rather than wanting to be "forced." My partner was amazing, really. and the boy was obedient enough. It just lacked the spark that you get with true attraction. Ah, well. Live and learn. One day maybe I will find a boy who fits my life, and if that boy has a connection with my partner as well, then bonus for me. No forcing.

7/23/2014 6:58:11 PM

I used a taser for the first time recently. It was AWESOME! I don't know that I'll ever be able to top that first experience, but I am eager to try.

5/3/2011 12:21:35 PM

You've heard of 'sensual sadism?' Well, that's not my thing. I'm an 'artistic sadist' -- I don't care whether it turns you on, so long as it hurts you and looks pretty to me.

4/30/2010 10:43:04 PM

I deleted all but a couple of journal entries. I don't really need this journal to document my life -- I have others for that -- it's more of a way to give a little more insight into who I am. In the interest of that, I cleared out all the writing that did not accurately represent where I am at in my life. I am so blessed to have the relationships in my life that I do. I have grown so much in the past year. More than I could have ever expected of myself. It feels good.

5/16/2008 12:01:40 AM

A bright pink sippy cup filled with rum. Barefoot on my front porch, giggling, typing away. It's the little things that brighten my world. That's pretty much me.