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Hetero Female Submissive, 40,  Greentop, Missouri
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alearningslave

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Friends:
RomanticSadist1

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PLEASE READ ENTIRE PROFILE BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO CONTACT ME!!!
I still consider myself new, and am more submissive than anything else you could use to describe me. I have had one Master, and as a good friend now, he watches over me, protects me and is a part of my life the best way he can be.

I have held myself in check for many years about who I really am, and I am now ready to be myself completely, wholly, and without restraint. My former Master has shown me what I am, and my main determination, in this one life I have, is to be perfect for the One who chooses me.

I am very interested in meeting Doms and other subs to talk with and help me learn more about myself and this wonderful life.

I am looking for others, Doms and subs/slaves, to help me find my true self. I know that there are many different paths in this life, and I wish to learn so I may best choose the correct one for me.

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 alearningslave

 Submissive Female

 Greentop 

 Missouri

 5' 3"

 135 lbs

 40

 Hetero

 Caucasian

 11/16/09

 02/23/11

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

Friends Only

 Lives For:

 Dancing

 Blues

 Jazz

 R&B

 Baseball

 Football

 Ice Hockey

 Loves:

 Art Galleries

 Coffee Shops

 Fine Dining

 Garage Sales

 Movies

 Museums

 Shopping

 Travel

 Volunteerism

 Bicycling

 Horseback Riding

 Running

 Walking

 Card Games

 Historical Shows

 True Crime

 TV Sports

 Online Auctions

 Photography

 Tattoos

 History

 Psychology

 Writing

 Classical Music

 Eighties Music

 Hip Hop Music

 Opera Music

 Pop Music

 Reggae

 Christianity

 Swimming

 Volleyball

 Likes:

 Amusement Parks

 Antique Shows

 Bar Hopping

 Clubbing

 Flea Markets

 Gambling

 Going to the Opera

 Aerobics

 Weightlifting

 Board Games

 Chess

 Comedy Shows

 Horror Movies

 MMORPGs

 Newspapers

 Online Chatrooms

 Puzzle Games

 Romance Novels

 Sitcoms

 Web Surfing

 Cooking

 Karaoke

 Meditation

 Swinging (Beginner)

 Alternative Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Industrial Music

 New Age Music

 Nineties Music

 Operetta

 Rap

 Rock Music

 Seventies Music

 Auto Racing

 Badminton

 Body Building

 Bowling

 Darts (Beginner)

 Paintball

 Wrestling

 Tolerates:

 Fishing

 Hiking

 Rollerblading

 Arcade Games

 Cartoons

 TV News

 Americana

 Country Music

 EMO Music

 Funk

 New Wave

 Oldies

 Punk Rock Music

 Show Tunes

 Basketball

 BMX

 Boxing

 Golf

 Horse Racing

 Skiing

 Snowboarding

 Street Hockey

 Curious About:

 Climbing

 Martial Arts

 Rafting

 Sailing

 Surf Boarding

 Tai-Chi

 Ultimate Frisbee

 Wind Surfing

 Yoga

 Role Playing Games

 Science Fiction

 Simulation Games

 Nihilism

 Occultism

 Gorean Lifestyle

 Lifestyle BDSM

 Old Guard

 Polyamory

 Scientology

 Wicca

 Kick Boxing

 Sky Diving

 Dislikes:

 Hunting

 Scuba Diving

 Snorkeling

 Female Supremacy

 Goth Lifestyle

 Blue Grass

 Folk Music

 Catholicism

 Soccer

 Tennis

 Hates:

 Camping

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Journal Entries:
2/22/2011 10:56:42 AM

Lol!  Everytime I read my previous entry, I think, "Wow, anyone who takes the time to read this must think I'm brain-challenged!"  Good heavens, but I do sound like a ninny.  If you choose to keep looking for something new from me, I hope you enjoy a good laugh. 

And no, I'm not blonde in any sense of the word (no offense to blondies, just in relation to the stereotype!)

 

I have to say in one month not a lot has changed, except I'm falling so hard for something I can't really have, and I'm still pursuing it!  One day, I will stand (kneel) before him and say "I want you to....blah blah blah blah blah!"  Lol.  See?  I can't even write it down to where those I will probably NEVER meet or see can hear me say it.  But at least now I can say it in the mirror to myself.  Not that it gets me anywhere.

 

Life is good, days are cold but sweet, beautiful snow (gone for now) has made the country look even more breathtaking.  That doesn't mean I can't wait for the spring to arrive so I can get back in the groove with Nude Sunday!!!   And if the Kidnapper should ever arrive on that day....hmmm...might want to keep a bag packed.

 

I give myself another six months to get over this hump (vocalizing) and if I can't do it by then or find the one to draw it out of me, than I guess I'll just follow whatever lead he gives me.  Sounds fair.  Don't want to spend my entire existence working on just me.  It's not all about me anymore, is it?

 


1/26/2011 2:23:08 AM

Okay, so another few months and I'm still not sure what the hell is going on with me, lol.  I am a little more sure of what I want, but now I have to figure out what I really need.  I guess being single for a while will help.  DG has only helped me understand how much I need to exert myself, and let another know what I need, but it seems so hard to vocalize it once I have the chance.  I can say it out loud to myself, and it sounds right.  If someone were to actually ask and expect a response, my tongue turns to cement and my brain to oatmeal.  Does that mean it's only in fantasy I have to have it?  I don't think I've ever fantasized something that was meant to stay there.  I know there is the idea that some fantasies are to stay just that, but for me at least, mine are desperately wanting to become experiences.  Hey, I can say I would try anything once, but that's not true.  If I don't put it in my head, I won't put it in front of me.  But what does enter into my tiny little brain gets so big, it becomes an obsession.  Gives me headaches thinking of it, and I'm afraid for the man who is willing to give me the opportunity.  Ouch.  Be brave, I tell myself, and let him know what you need, what really overwhelms your senses and sensibilities, and maybe he'll take you there.  Yeah, except maybe he lives in New York, or Canada, or God forbid, as close as the next town!  Scary thoughts here. 


10/10/2010 5:21:46 PM

I just saw this on someone's profile, thank you.  All I can say is...exactly.

10/10/2010 5:12:48 PM
I've also come to realize I have more limitations that I wanted.  I can let myself go only so far.  I've tried to push myself, and have even allowed another to push me further, but then I just stop.  No warnings.  Maybe society's standards make me stop.  I do get it in my head that "this" isn't acceptable, and even though I've learned I'm not acceptable to "them", I tend to view "them" as "them".  The others.  But still, I can't seem to get past doing what isn't "normal", even though I want it even more because of that.  What I think I really need is the ability to block out everything and everyone and just do it.  I think the right one can make me do that, but if I found him, he's not answering me.

9/28/2010 2:19:52 AM
In just a short time, I have come to understand so much more about myself, and what is expected of me.  I've also discovered what I've always expected of myself, and thought I could never achieve those expectations.  I now believe I can, and with the right guidance, from one who is patient and willing to spend more time with actual guidance than his own pleasure.  I didn't know you actually existed.  Thank you.

9/23/2010 3:37:56 PM
Okay, so I'm not the idiot I thought I was.  Now, I'm a train wreck.  But not an idiotic train wreck.  At least I think I know what I'm doing.  Everyone says learn from your mistakes, try again, find someone new, listen, and above all else, quit saying no.  It's been so difficult to not say no, though.  If I say yes, and I discover I should have said no, then what?  Now, since I've said yes, I am more scared than ever!  But, I didn't say no.  That's jump number one.  Just got to make it past the second hurdle.  Maybe if I was pushed or thrown over, it wouldn't be so bad. 

9/22/2010 6:47:59 AM
I am an idiot.  I am a idiot.  I am an idiot.

9/21/2010 1:21:40 AM

Do not assume you know exactly what I need, want, and desire.  I know exactly what I need, want, and desire.  I just can't tell you.  I can only allow you to draw it out of me through your action or inactions. 


9/19/2010 3:46:55 PM

He found me.  He took me.  He abandoned me. 


9/19/2010 7:38:50 AM
How can someone so young know exactly what they want and how to get it, when I'm still waiting to see?

9/19/2010 5:20:51 AM
What an absolutely fulfilling night of...work!  Yeah, that's where I was.  At work.  I did some work.  At least, they think so.  A big THANK YOU to Jackson for making the night go quickly, even if you are slow to...Ahem, anyhoo......

9/18/2010 6:18:58 AM
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I have often dreamt of Heaven's delights
And know He keeps me in his sights
If He allowed me to decide
Forever I'd kneel at my Master's side


9/17/2010 9:44:50 AM
I finally learned something new and very useful today!  Thank you dear stranger.  It will be put to excellent use!

9/16/2010 3:44:44 PM
It's amazing how one person telling you who you are not actually reaffirms who you really are.

9/14/2010 11:21:57 PM

I have no idea how to express myself at times.  One minute I could just burst with all I feel in my body, the next I want to hold it all in and savor it only for myself.  I don't always like to share the emotions I carry at that moment.  Happiness should be given over to the next person, friend or foe, for he may benefit.  Sadness should be kept inside, to help remember the joy that sadness started with.  Hate should never be exposed, as disgust is always an emotion reminiscent of jealousy.  Love can be kept, but only for the first few moments of realization, and never from the one adored.  I have gone to and fro with myself, never knowing if the expressing of these emotions is appropriate at the time, and often discovering I shouldn't or should have.  How do you decide which should be exposed, and which should be left alone?  When?  To whom?  I want the comfort knowing I can express myself, and not feel as if my devotion to these expressions is only for self-interest, but feel the One with me will accept and take these emotions, feelings, realities, as I give them.  Without repercussions, without prejudice, and understand they are only in that moment.   


9/14/2010 5:11:42 AM
 I have no idea if he loves me or not, but I believe he does.  I don't want to give him up, but he has asked me to.  If I do, I open myself up to being hurt, but how can I be in any more pain than I am now?  It will go away, sometime, and I will be free to do as I choose, be with who I choose, and become who I choose.  But do I really want to?  No. 

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