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?11/25/2010
so much has happened. I dont believe it all myself. Happy thanksgiving..... |
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Something has caught my interest... |
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I enojy collarme sometimes. There is just SO many interesting people here LOL. If anything I get to laugh once in awhile. |
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my MOST interesting emails come from Jay a man in MD and trans Men to woman. Interesting.. |
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is EVERYONE on collarme full of S*** or is it just me finding all these amazing jackasses!?
so frustrating. just feeling lately like i am so disappointed with everyone. |
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i met the most amazing girl here on collarme. WOW who knew.
speechless. |
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Mistress Jordan through a wonderful charity event this weekend at Her Dungeon. i had such a good time and was honored by playing with LeatherByrd for just a bit :O) i have missed being around the people i care about such as Master Max and wendi... love Y/you guys! |
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So finally i saw the movies "Secretary" i have heard about it for a long time but have never had the chance to catch it. i was watching it waiting for a splash of BDSM or S/m something anything! Then my bestfriend came over and i missed 30 min of it!! Damn it! So i watched the rest. Yea it was a turn on. But evoked deeper thoughts within me.
Like times i had been defiant in a past relationship D/s situations. Why i fought the fight? i just simply came up with i didn't think i could be handled. i didn't think the person i was with could "surprise" me enough with new ways of control. Make me feel like they were usuing their brains to dominate me in all ways...new ways. i dunno. So back to the movie. ;o)
i liked it. i think people rave about it because like any lifestyle choice it is rare to see it in a "regular" movie.... but very very nice. |
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If i have to freaking tell Y/you the basic stuff like capitalize "I" when refering to a Dominate...then im sure W/we won't have many conversations. (rolls eyes) |
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i find myself thinking about the palatial mansion sometimes. i miss it. ALOT of good memories and learning occured there. i miss that. Aw damn time passes so fast while all the fun is going on and then drags its heels when the bad times are here. i miss loosing control...i miss the cage. i miss walking in there and knowing W/we were so protected from everyone and everything... chris (owner) was a good friend of O/ours and i often wonder if he is well...i hope so. |
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For now as i stated above vanilla life is still the main source in my life. i am not sure if i want to go back to a D/s life as i had before.
i'm Confused on what to do about this and where to go from here. i miss the lifestyle. i do. But things in my personal life have gotten so complicated and mixed up that i can't bring a real D/s lifestlye into it as of right now. The future...who knows... |
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W/we went to Vegas this weekend and it was a great time... W/we ate good food, W/we drank good beer and shopped at the finest store lol
The suite W/we has in Venitian was amazing to say the least.
I also got more birthday presents woo hoo :O)
Its nice when myt birthday lasts the whole month of April.. |
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Please direct all service inquiries to the Daddynwilling profile. Thank you! |
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i have been pleased by a slave i have met on collarme. He is showing such a need to please and be very obedient...*smiles*
i am looking forward to meeting him on Sunday....
April is also pleased with his efforts.
W/we shall see... |
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Last week we did a phone interview with a slave from collarme which really impressed April and i. W/we are looking forward to meeting this week hopefully. |
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There are a couple slaves that have contact April and i in the past couple weeks and W/we are arranging phone interviews for this weekend. W/we are really pleased with one that has been showing effort and has impressed U/us.
This weekend is my birthday... i feel old lmao! Oh well i am still in my 20's so i guess i can't complain that much :)
Syr Bj is another Butch Dom W/we have been speaking with recently who seems like such a great woman...Wish She lived in calif or could come vist!
Hope all is well with everyone else... thank you for the emails :)
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This is my journal.________
The writing is in black for most of the entrys so if Y/you want to read it Y/you must high light it. |
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i am SO excited about O/our trip coming up to san fransico i can hardly stand it!!!!!! W/we are going to have such a GREAT time and meet a couple people W/we have been talking to for so long online.
Daddy got a new job and put in Her two week notice today! i am SO proud of Her making strides and bettering Herself for Her and for U/us.
Congrats Daddy and thank you for being You... |
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i am starting to feel like i used to feel again. Like my place is kneeling in front of Her.
and you know what? it feels good to feel this way again. |
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Emotionally im not all there.
Still dealing with Grandma Clare's passing. i miss her so much sometimes and it has really been hard these past weeks.
There is three people inside of me: the regular vanilla girl, babygirl, & slave girl. All three are unhappy and not in the right mind frame for being themselves. Daddy and i are going through some stuff because of this and i wanted to thank Her for being supportive and loving through this rough time. W/we both still have so much to learn even after a year in BDSM things still seem so unclear at times. New things and situation constantly hitting U/us from left to right.
i did realize something in the car yesterday while driving home that i shared with Daddy. How hard it must be for Her at times. Dealing with me and my moods because of the death or just plain old vanilla life sneaking in on U/us it must be so hard and confusing to Her.
To know when to push me and make me a better slave, to know when to hold back and just be the supportive loving girlfriend that i need at times.
But W/we do have each other and W/we have to be strong and hold tight. That Gwen Stefani song always plays in my head when i think of Her and U/us...."Running" "keep holding my hand.....so W/we don't get seperated." |
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Saturday at the Mansion was great! i think hearing Midori speak was the most intriguing part if the whole event. She is amazing with Her words and i loved Her thoughts about "the community of bdsm" i met a couple people off of collar me there which was nice :) Sir Dave was the most memorable one though so nice to finally meet You Sir! Anyways had a great day and loved it! |
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OCLA at The Palatial Mansion Feb. 11th this Saturday!
To A/all in the BDSM-D/s lifestyle. We at The Palatial Mansion encourage Y/you to come on down this Saturday Feb. 11th and witness the event that The Palatial Mansion and OCLA has pulled together. Some of the most respected and well know Master's and Mistresses will be performing demonstrations on all things that our BDSM-D/s! Although W/we cannot give out any names, we promise Y/you will not be dissapointed.
For more information please visit www.palatialmansion.com.
We hope to see Y/you there!
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W/we need a release. This afternoon W/we are going to the PALATIAL MANSION in orange county ! W/we need some time alone and W/we need to session... it has been close to a month since O/our last session only because i was dealing with losing my grandma and mentally wasn't up to it and Daddy allowed me my time but now... it's time for a release for B/both of U/us.
Come join all of U/us at the Mansion from 3pm- 9pm for:
Afternoon Delight
Tuesday February 7, 2006
(This event repeats every week.)
Event Location: The Palatial Mansion
Street: 187 W. Orangethorpe Ave. ..A
City, State, Zip: Placentia, CA 92870
Phone: (909) 576-3554
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Sunday W/we took out a small boat in San Pedro and put grandma clare with grandma june in the sea...
Marie (bestfriend),my Mom, and my God mother all said good bye to grandma clares physical presence in this world...but she will never be forgotten. Marie and i also put our two hawaiian lei's in the water with grandma clare so that she wouldn't be alone and would always have us with her in the sea.....
It was a hard day for me. i miss her so much just the other day i picked up my phone to call her and tell her i got a raise....but soon before i could even flip open my phone reality set in and tears ran down my cheeks...
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my grandma passed away this passed Sunday and things have been hard on me and the family so i haven't been on here much... but to all those checking on me..thank you for all the care and concern.  |
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Now i struggle with new thoughts.... thoughts that bring me to a low at times. i feel like fuck i don't want to go to work, i dont want to do anything except be with Daddy and learn more about being a slave. One time i was reading a bdsm book and i remember it stating about how the lifestyle can consume you and how you become so wrapped up in it and basically thats all you yearn for most of the time your awake.
Well it has happened. and i am REALLY struggling with it because i have been feeling very sad this week because i have to go to work when the urge to be just in my collar and at Masters feet is SO strong and overwhelming at times i just feel like crying. i hate having to go back to reality. i am telling myself everyday... willing it can not be this way so stop wishing it. trying to *shake it off* and think realistically you can't let this consume you ... i have to continue to make a life for myself but alas the urges are very strong and cause me to day dream..... |
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Yesterday W/we met two lovely ladies off of collar me! Wow W/we had a great time with T/them and look forward to hanging out again with them at the dungeon they hang out at next time!
W/we also bought some canes from T/them and before this i had never been struck by a cane and Daddy had never played with one either. Well lets just say W/we couldn't stop playing last night! W/we LOVE the canes. Now i know why sassy loves them sooooo much. The feeling is awesome.
Thank you Daddy for everything this weekend.
Oh and i almost forgot W/we also went to this place in Burbank that makes just cupcakes its called Yummy Cupcake....AWWWW it was so freaking good! i had a red velvet cup cake wow! maryann Daddy and i all had a great weekend!
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humility
n 1: a disposition to be humble; a lack of false pride; "not everyone regards humility as a virtue" a humble feeling;
humility
It is a state of mind well pleasing to Master, it
preserves the soul in tranquillity and makes us patient under
trials. This is my new assignment...to learn to be humble. i will work heard to learn this lesson for it will take a lot of me to become more humble. i am prideful at times.... it does not please my Master so i must learn.
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Daddy is coming home today! i am so happy. oh how i have missed Her so. i really can't wait to finish the book slave craft either! i started reading ti alone while She has been gone which i was instructed not to do. i couldn't help it. i have this thirst for knowledge and craving to learn more! so under Daddys instructions i will wait.
She missed Her family so much and She really had a good time with them but W/we both have aggreed that trips taken will be taken together from now on. W/we really miss each other too much to keep going away without one another.
i also got my last x-mas present in the mail yesterday from Daddy! It was a cd i have been wanting for quiet some time now... Dax Johnson Levity. WOW i love this man.... he is amazing and to think he just passed away a couple months ago tears at my heart. i was planning on seeing him with his up coming tour. damn.... I have noticed a pattern repeated since i was small but this year has become so redundant that i have seen so much lately. Don't put anything off. You never know what tomorrow will bring or take away from you. |
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Daddy is leaving for UTAH for awhile.... i will be all alone... Time to call sassOfrass and get in trouble!
*evil grin* |
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Last night i painted Daddys nails with a marker. i couldn't believe She let me do that! lmao
It was so cute... here i was on my knees in front of Her and there She was getting a moments peace while Her 5 year old is occupied! |
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Today is a sad day. W/we are going to a funeral.
Bernie,
if your watchin from up there....just wanted to say thank you for all the advice and long talks W/we had. You will be missed dearly.
I wish W/we could have met him.... as many times as W/we planned it and "just missed" each other..Damn it!
This is why they say " never put off tomorrow what you can do today"
It rings true in my ears on this day....
miss You Bernie Sir |
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HELP!!!
I am looking for a book called-
Extreme Space By: F.F.R. Mallory.
I can't find it ANYWHERE! I have looked on the net/ stores!
any help? |
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This weekend Daddy officially moved in! W/we really had a great weekend! Saturday W/we go tto see Dez, sassy, Jon, Dez's sister, rebel, and her new girlfriend! W/we had a great time at courtneys new dungeon! Daddy and i really bonded this weekend...with everything done as far as HEr moving in it was like there was a sense of peace a calm that had taken over O/our space.... it was a good weekend.
sassy also mentioned again she wants dinner... hmmm very soon! Promise! |
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Just got back from vacation in hawaii.
i missed Daddy and all my friends!
Maui was amazing and i didn't want to leave... |
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When W/we arrived at the mansion W/we were presented with an Anniversary gift from chris, MasterMax, and wendi....
I think my jaw dropped and hit the floor. Wow..i was speechless! Master Max ,wendi and chris Y/you all really are special people and thank you for such an amazing gift..W/we are SO honored!
Daddy has put it to good use.....it is my new fav toy!
Nothing can compare to a LEATHER BYRD!
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Not much has been happening for U/us lately i have been sick with a cold (i think).
being under the weather sucks ass.
W/we really miss sassy and Dez..... |
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W/we celebrated O/our one year vanilla anniversary in San Fransico these past four days and let me just say W/we both had so much fun! W/we ate at great places,met interesting people, i got my permenate locking collar *grins*, road the trolley everywhere, Went to MR S, walked O/our asses off, shopped, drank, went to a couple BDSM bars, and spent quality time with each O/other. Thank you Daddy for such a wonderful trip! You really did surprise me! i love You so much and this trip meant a lot to me. "no sex in the champange room" lol bruise on your hand from the little gay boy...lol garlic breathe lmao the homeless man in the window making humping motions at you LMAO, the guys on the street that said touch my weiner...then said oh fuck its dykes LMAO! Arriving on mision and valencia and realizing it is ghetto and gross... NOT lesbian town!lol HOT COOKIE in Castro! YUMMMMM. oh man fun times Daddy. |
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Dez and sassy W/we both feel the same about Y/you two. From the first time i called you sassy i had this feeling when we got off the phone that W/we would A/all hit it off.  and W/we did!
W/we both are SO looking forward to a future of a long lasting friendship with Y/you two! Good times and bad W/we will stick it out with ya!
*hugs & kisses to you B/both* |
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Sir Spyder and Sir Loki's BBQ was fucking FABULOUS! W/we met so many people and had such a good time. Can't wait to see everyone again. |
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OMG! W/we both had sooooo soooo much fun at chris's last night! W/we saw a slave acution too! woo hoo! Glad i was not up on that block... it was great watching and Mistress Cayen and her slave carol were absolutely hilarious! she had us A/all cracking the hell up!
Max and His wife were just incredible to hang out with and what T/they did at chris's was just great. W/we all pulled together in the time of need for Katrina victims and made it happen! Daddy and i won a free hour at the mansion alone!!!! WOOOTT WOOOTT is all i can say i am so freaking excited about that one!
Barbra a GREAT woman W/we "offically met" last saturday came to the party and gave me a pair of hot ass fredricks of hollywood shoes! Thanks barbra..i love em...
W/we also met SO many more new people and some who even live right down the street from U/us! VERY cool! Daddy bought antoher flogger from leatherbyrd and soft cuffs as well. i am just so happy these past months i can't even explain how my life has just took and amazing turn! Just when i thought things were great they kick up a couple notches and get even better. i love you April.... thank you for EVERYTHING. |
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Last Saturday at chris's Daddy and i played in public for the first time. The weekend before this weekend i was spanked a little at a club Dungeon but not a full session like W/we had at chris's. It had a lot of interesting feelings that swirled in my head as W/we played... but W/we did feel that the weekend went VERY VERY well.
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i hate to brag but i had to put and entry about the fucking amazing sex W/we been having lately. i mean it was REALLY good but lately W/we have moved up a notch. i can feel it and i know my Daddy feels it as well. God i LOVE U/us.
W/we are so BOMB together.....! i love You April. |
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5-16-05 was collared.is SAM.
8-22-05 still collared. still samming.
sorry Daddy. i will try harder.
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Last night W/we met O/our friend becky princessbabygirl We had such a great time becky you are an incredible woman and W/we both feel lucky to have met you! i think the best part of last night was thinking of how to torture April. LMAO! Fire play Fire play! lol Good times good times! |
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i am a semi finalist for a plus size modeling contest and today i went to the photo shoot with my best friend M and my Daddy. I could only bring one person inside with me and W/we decided it should be M. So i went and had an AMAZING time meeting new friends and doing a photo shoot for the first time! It was fabulous.
my Daddy was quiet pleased with my sexy look..so W/we took some new pics. 
It's late and i am exhausted.....good night. |
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i've been sick for over a week with bronchitis. Yuckie. But i had to make a journal entry and say my Daddy has been AMAZING! She has gone above and beyond just taking care of me. I can't even express what she means to me. You are an amazing woman as well as Daddy A. I really am thankful when ever i need you on the vanilla side and D/s side You are ALWAYS there for me. i love You. |
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Last night W/we went to the mansion and Daddy bought a LEATHER BYRD FLOGGER! Chris the mansions owner cut the flogger for Daddy and made it to Her specified length.
W/we then went and played in one of the rooms and i must admit i was VERY surprised at what a difference you feel with a LEATHER BYRD! WOOHHOOO!
my Daddy is so happy..and that really makes me happy.
W/we posted a pic on here of the flogger if you flip through the pics its the last one..
W/we also met two wonderful people a Mistress named Ms P (I think) and her slave chris. They were extremly nice and very pleasent to talk with. W/we both are looking forward to seeing them again!
W/we had a great night as always...chris is a wonderful man and W/we feel glad to have found such a great man with such knowledge about this lifestyle! WWW . LEATHERBYRD . COM <=== GREAT floggers! Thank you leather byrd and chris! |
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Today W/we went to the orange county fair and i got my "day collar". Its an ID braclet that says "DADDYS babygirl"
i love it....it wont be taken off..EVER.
Thank you Daddy |
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i looked at the side of my ass and realised i don't like the crop my Daddy bought much...lol
W/we went to the sex expo and She got a crop and i think She loves it WAY too much. |
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Last night Daddy and i went to a play party. W/we decided to go kinda at the last minute. We didn't get home til around 3am ughhhh I was so tired. We actually had a great coversation with Lady Badger. She is really a nice woman and taught us a little more about floggers and what to look for when buying one. She also gave a nice long toture session to her slave with a viloet wand. W/we also spoke with chris a bit which is always a pleasure. He makes U/us feel like family when we attend the parties.
Daddy also took me into one of the rooms and spanked me...and also asked for a lap dance...I attempted to give her a little taste of my movements and we almost busted the chair she was setting on LMAO! I said "Daddy i told you i would tear things up if i started rubbin all over you." She laughed.
W/we had a good time and learned more. We are supposed to go to Mr S today, which is supposed to be a good store for toys n things...Also i might just add how lucky i feel to have such a wonderful Daddy...She truly is an amazing person as well as Domme.  |
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i have made a terrible mistake in O/our vanilla relationship. i did not reassure my Daddy when it was needed. i apologize from the bottom of my heart  Daddy and hopefully there is some way i can make it up to You? i love You so very much and You must know You always come FIRST.
ALWAYS!
my apologies Master... |
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Today it has been 7 months since my Daddy and i have made a commitment. Tonight i have a surprise for her. i love you Daddy. thank you for the roses and everything You give me everyday. |
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Last night my Daddy bought me a collar. So now I am collared. This is my first collar she told me it is a training collar. When she placed the collar on my neck I was scared at first but now I have to admit I do understand how other submissive women have said they feel more submissive when they have a collar around their neck. I felt that last night. It felt good. It was like a reminder on my neck of my place. Wow..I feel special.
Thank you Daddy. |
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My birthday was a week or so ago and I just wanted to offically say THANK YOU to "A" for making it so special for me. I spent the day being wisked away to a day spa. FABULOUS! Breakfast,Lunch and Dinner were all taken care of and it was just an amazing birthday! Love you....
As far as our D/S relationship goes we haven't played AT ALL really lately. "A" had a mishap with her left index finger and had to have surgery! So we haven't really played because she is still recovering.
I feel like we both have drifted away from our D/S relationship ..... I think it is mainly because of her injury so well see what happens in the following weeks.
I have also felt "real life" getting in the way of our D/S realtionship at times. My thoughts take me away from that frame of mind "submissive" which is fustrating but I think I will be able to learn more and work through it as I go....
Everything is a learning process.
Easier said than excepted.
I am an Aries I am impatient. lol |
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Saturday we went to our first BDSM party. We had such a good time we didn't get home til 2 or was it 3am! Chris, A and I had very good talks about s/m and such things. We feel very lucky to have met people like Chris and Yvonne in this community :) Looking forward to the next get together. |
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A and I went to a BDSM vendor fair and party. It was really cool! I was speechless! I wanted to shout out a BIG thank you to CHRIS! He made both of us feel SO comfortable in such a new enviorment. We did not stay for the party but it was so nice to meet some people off of collarme.com. |
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