I have discovered recently that as I have gotten older my thinking seems to be more in-tune to who I am versus what I wanted. I am a Dominant man. I relish the control that a submissive gives me. I love the feeling of my hands on a woman who is sharing herself with me.
I started this journey for the most part when I was 19 and was with a woman who saw what and who I was when I didn't have a clue. She taught me to be myself as well as the ways that really pleasure a woman. If it wasn't for her I would not be the Dominant I am today. If not for her I might have never really learned the pleasures of this. Like many of us we get diverted with life. Work, families, time, and other interests tend to take us down paths that take us away from our inner beings. This happened to me as well, but I have always made it back. It is the core of who I am.
As I have stated before that I am not a true sadist. Do I enjoy pain/pleasure edge play? Most definitely. Do I enjoy the sight of a well spanked behind? Most definitely. Do I enjoy the sights, sounds, and experience of flogging a submissive who is bound and can not resist? Most definitely. But being who I am does not allow me to actually harm another person. I do not get aroused through another pain. For me it as much about the pleasures of both the pain/pleasure state as well as the after care that comes when we start to relax.
Another thing I have learned, though some think I am off in this, is that a true submissive in most cases is the strongest of a couple. It is through her will that she relinquishes herself to another care. A Dominant doesn't take this but accepts it as a gift. Without the submissive's desire to submit and allow their Dominant to lead and control there is nothing for the Dominant. The submissive has to take what the Dominant gives and do it with grace and a willingness to please. I don't take control of a submissive, I accept the control she willingly give me. It is through trust that we are both able to blend ourselves into a whole.
I am a very private man. I know who I am as well as what I am and don't feel the need to have to prove it to anyone else. I believe that a look from me can be enough for my submissive to know whether I am pleased with her or displeased with her. It is only through a good strong mental connection can this actually happen. I enjoy being teased and played with as much as most people. I love a smart assed response and attitude. I don't take life so seriously that there is no such thing as fun. But there is a time and a place for this kind of banter...but only a submissive who has taken the time to know me will ever really know that time. I will take most anything from anyone in a public place or even in a group of friends but only when we are alone will she really understand if I am truly pleased with her actions or behavior.
I believe in discipline. I believe that I am a fair man but also a firm one when times call for it. I believe that there is no no such thing as discipline play. If it is play it is not discipline. It is more likely that my discipline will involve a mental aspect as much or more then a physical one. There should not be a set punishment for all things but the punishment must fit the offense. A sound spanking might be called for...or just being shunned for a period of time might be enough. Spontaneity is important in all things involving pleasure as well as punishment. But what ever the punishment is it is not meant to hurt or harm but to teach. I don't buy into "this hurts me as much as it does you" thinking. I know it hurts you more then me. But in that pain you will learn. And if you take the punishment like you should there is always a reward for that. I would rather have my submissive own up to and accept what she has done then to try to talk her way out of it. Accepting things the correct way usually means a lighter degree of punishment, but arguing or showing a reluctance to accept the inevitable only makes the end harder.
As for a power exchange we all have a different perspective on what this means. I know for some it means the Dominant take total control of the life and liberty of their submissive. For others it means that the Dominant only takes control during the time they are together and the submissive still has control of herself outside the time they are a couple. I think for me it is somewhere in between. I want to take the power and the control that is offered up to me. But with that comes an understanding on what that means to US. Part of that understanding comes responsibility for both. For the Dominant it means to protect and cherish the submissive. Lead them no push them. For the submissive it means that they except the will of their Dominant. It means that they know and trust that their Dominant will not do or expect them to do anything that will cause harm or anything that is not understood ahead of time. I expect this power to be offered to me in time. No one should be expected to give it up on day one. As to the control I have over my submissive, it needs to be total control but only in the sense that she understands my wishes and cares enough to make sure they are followed..but it is her choice to make. Do what she knows will please me or not. When we are together this will be easy for me to deal with it is when we are apart that I need to be able to trust in her judgment. We all have free will even when a submissive gives up her power and control to a Dominant.. the submissive's mind will always be theirs and no one can control another's thoughts.
Now for the really pleasurable part for me. Physical contact. SEX, TOUCHING, CARESSING, SPANKING, PINCHING, TORTURING. I LOVE all of those things. I love sex. I love all kinds of sex. Oral..LOVE it....vaginal....LOVE it...Anal.....LOVE it. To me the whole body is one erogenous zone....and through arousal our bodies are at a heightened state and much more perceptive to the sensations of both pain and pleasure. Our endorphins kink in and let us go farther and deeper into ourselves and allow us to really feel with both our bodies and our minds.
I guess what it really comes down to is what makes us happy and content. I have done many different things concerning BDSM and some of them have remained as things that really work for me. Some things I tried years ago and moved past are now things that I really enjoy again. I guess what I am saying is that we need to keep an open mind for all things and not be judgmental of things we haven't tried or even if we have tried them then understand that just because these things don't do it for us doesn't mean they are bad or wrong.
In order to keep growing as a person we need to experience as much of life as we can.
More still to come...hehehe