oh god I can't help it, i want to be a dirty, shamed, exposed and humiliated tranny bitch so much!!!

Took a day off work today, and before I knew it, I was slipping into a dress stockings and heels and back to my old ways of screwing my ass with my dildo. I actually said to myself before I got out of bed, that I wouldn't dress up today....15 mins later....what am I doing?

Yup, im dressed like a slut.

Seems that this is all i ever want and think of these days, as if I can't get enough of it. Im thinking about it last thing at night before I sleep, and first thing in the morning when i wake up.

I can honestly see this becoming my full time life. Mistress already has me dressing up like a tart as soon as i get home from work - this is on top of me wearing panties and stockings to work everyday underneath my regular clothes. I seem to be constantly aroused, horney and needing to be released. Thing is, that since I also started to use the dildo on myself every night then tape it into place when I sleep, the bigger pleasure seems to be in my ass as opposed to my cock.

On Friday night I got drunk, dressed up in my latex, heels and stockings and went out to a local  dogging spot that is closely

I actaualy walked there, cos its really close!!! (who knew!) - plus i had too much alcohol in me to drive there so no choice. I waited until about 11pm, cos i figured thats when the drunks would be out and horney.

I went to this car park area and there were a couple of cars parked up, but nothing happening that i could see, so I just sat around on a bench out of the way and touched myself - i also drank some more vodka, cos i took a small bottle with me to keep warm. Well, it all seemed a bit crap if I'm honest, until i heard voices, and then i was so scared of being seen and caught....didnt know who they were or what could happen. I really was scared!!!

Turned out that there was a woman with the car door open and some other guy was fucking her from behind!!!! whilst her husband was recording it on his bloody phone! to be honest, she was a real ugly old dog, but god it turned me on. So much so, that i started walking towards them, totally forgetting what i was bloody wearing. I was also really drunk at this point, slurring my words and probably not even walking straight and the husband spotted me, gestured me over to watch too.  Heres where i feel ashamed Mistress, cos i ended up fucking her too I hardly know how good it was or how long i lasted, but once the first guy was done her husband said did i want a go and i did it. She must have been about 50 or something.

I can't believe i took him up on the offer and did it. i really feel so dirty, plus I've hardly stopped washing my cock!!! whats more, I'm pretty sure that he would have recorded it on his phone as well :-(

Nothing else happened, cos once i finished i left and walked back home...probably about 1am or something. But it did turn out to be more of an evening than i expected.  Since then, I've been feeling so shamed, dirty, humiliated and cheap...but also so turned on and aroused by the experience. Im really hoping that next time, I'm the bitch getting taken from behind :-)

I del like such a bitch, I've got a dildo up my ass and I'm wanting myself off constantly as per Mistress's request. Worst thing is that i love this and when I'm not doing it i find myself wishing i was.

Does this mean I'm a slut?

so, another wasted chat with another fake Mistress....honestly I am really close to giving up any hope of meeting someone real here.

Here I am, searching for a Mistress, and the opening line to so many conversations is how much money can you tribute me?

OK, so i know everyone has expenses and costs but really, soon as i hear that i simply turn off, maybe I'm cheap, if so whatever, but if a Mistress says that to me, then i know that she really isn't the real deal. - NOW, if it says in the profile that they are a pro dome, then its all good, i know where i stand. But otherwise, I'm just walking away.

Like they say, a fool and their money are easily parted. something to think about there

just looking back on my life, and when i was about 13, secretly slipping into my sister dresses when everyone was out of the house, applying her girls world make up and looking at myself in the mirror it seems like almost a simple time.

Many years later, i look at myself and think wow...never saw that coming!!

What was a once a week dip into experimentation, became something so much more. 

First it was, let me try on a dress....then next, dress and shoes......followed by, I will try a bra and pad it out and then thats it, no more!!!

I actually ended up far bigger than that, dress, panties, heels, lingerie, make up, wigs and even so much as going outside one evening whilst drunk and sucking some guy off in his car.

Now, if you had told me that at 13, I would have totally freaked and probably never tried on my sisters scating skirt ever again lol.

As it is now, I've gone so far, made so many pictures that are no doubt in circulation and frankly am at the point in my life where after years of fighting and hiding, i just want to give myself to the female that i feel lives inside of me. I think its time, and I've fought it long and hard enough.

Its scary, but also, its time.

I so wish to lose all control, i think part of the need to serve that i have is based on really giving up all control, getting myself to a point and situation where there is no going back and no escape. 

Seems that I'm analysing myself quite a bit these days, but thats no bad thing. Ive met quite a few really nice people here on CM, and though they are not right for me, or vice versa, its good to have made friends with them and to have learnt more about myself.

So, in short, feeling pretty positive about being a sissy bitch :-)

Seems that I find myself wanting to be dressed up in my feminine clothes more and more as time goes on. Im even dreaming of being ass fucked and abused now more and more too. Sometime I wonder whats come over me, but also I feel good to let the feeling flow over me and accept what I am. 

Still searching for a mistress, who can really push me and take me deeper into this, but im sure she will come along in time...just takes patience.

Watch my videos here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMvQq7grDxw 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akC7bh2aC84