violetblueyedgal

Well this was a special weekend for this one.  girl got to be with Master 2 nights.  Friday night was a nilla night, i had my first experience at the casino gambling.  lets just say ill leave the gambling to others.  i didn't do to bad but didn't do great either, but i did have fun just spending time with Master and talking to Him.  Then Saturday night girl was a train wreck for some reason no clue as to why, but Master came over and i cooked Him dinner, His standard Domly meal--Steak smothered in mushrooms and onions, Baked potato, corn.  Then Master just held me and made me feel safe. One doesn't always need to whip or flog His slave to be dominant.  it takes more of a man to just hold His slave and comfort her when she needs Him the most.  My Master which i am very lucky to have found gives me the chance to be me and to work  on things and just be there for me and support me when i need someone the most.  

Six months ago Master and I met at our well in a public park.  I have been His since that night, I truly have found the one for me.  He has allowed me to grow not only as submissive but as a woman also.  I have grown so much in the last 6 months its sometimes scary.  Master has given me the encouragement that this one needs when she feels she can't go on.  We aren't together 24/7 but girl feels Him with her each and every day.  When girl falls no matter what she knows He is there with her helping and guiding her to make her a better submissive.  Thank You Master for believing in this one and for being there and for allowing this girl the privilege of serving You with her whole heart, mind, body and soul.

12/17/2011

Girl is no longer on probation!!! Master gave girl her collar back.  girl has grown so much in the past few months realizing that she is worthy of happiness and is worth having Someone care for her as she cares for them in return.  This growing period has not been an easy one and she continues to grow and grow.  Master came over and helped girl decorate her tree cause she is allergic to pine.  W/we had a nice time for girl doesn't  do holidays well.  This year girl will have good memories because Master made it so.  Thank You Master!

12/3/2011   8:45pm

Master is on His way over and He told girl its gonna be a rough night for her. Girl is nervous not knowing what to expect but she is ready for anything.  Can't wait for Him to get here for the fun to begin.  Girl will keep those who read her journal updated.  Have a good night,  girl knows she will.  

Master got here @9pm and  buttons started flying.  Master removed His belt and gave girl a few good wacks.  To her that is punishment.  Didn't feel good to this one, so that will be one of girls punishments should she mess up.  It's called Tasting the leather.

Girl had a task to go to the hardware store and get eye bolts for Master.  Master then put them up and ran a rope from one end of the room to the other.  Girl had to straddle the rope and walk across the room 3 times.  Wasn't very pleasant, so Master said that would be another punishment for this one should she mess up. This one is called walking the line.   This has 3 levels.  Level 1 is just the plain rope.  Level 2 knots would be added every 6 inches.  Level 3 well all Master would say is girl wouldn't like at all.  

Master bound girls breast and flogged them.  They are lovely shades of red and purple spots. Girl also wears stripes from the flogger.  Master then had girl turn over and flogged, spanked, and paddled her behind.  Master then would poor cold water over her back side.  At one point after girl felt the pain from the paddle, Master put water on her and in her mind she felt that she was cut.  Girl wasn't hurt was just the water.  MMM girl so enjoyed herself.  

11/26/2011

Well after a long day Master made it woo hoo.Was an eletrifying experiment at first, was different for girl. then upstairs for punishement,  Master knows i don't like certain positions well, that was part of the punishment.Girl was allowed to cum for the first time tonight... ...... to be cont'd

After girls punishment. Things got heated (well at least i did) Master allowed girl to put music on which girl gets lost in, blind folded and spread eagle on the bed, Master took the floggers to girl.  She had neatly laid everything out for Him.  mmm was girl warmed up quickly and easily.  She found herself floating of to a dream land.  2nd time girl cums.

Master allowed girl sometime to regroup, before He began his torment again.  This time Master was slowly gliding his cock over his sluts clit.   Back and forth over and over, driving girl nuts.   After a while girl begged and pleaded.                       3rd time girl cums.

Soon after Master then takes His girl slamming Himself into her.  The rougher the louder girl moans and squiggles.  Harder and faster with each thrust.      4th and 5th time girl cums.

Then Master has girl do something that she really doesn't want to and that is speak to another willing submissive as He is having His way with her.  She is to tell this person each and everything that He is doing to her.  As he is sliding His cock over her clit, then he takes her hard and fast while girl is describing what she is feeling.  6th and 7th time girl cums.

To be under a microscope and allow people to know what one is feeling is hard but to admit one is far less than what they are is incredible.  i not only have grown as a person but also as a submissive,  if i'm not happy with who i am how am i to serve the true Master in my life.  How am i going to make Him happy when i myself am not happy with myself.  To admit this and to do something about it has been a journey that is not only hard but in the end will make me a better person all around.  Growth is a part of life and without growth where would everyone be.  i have made peace with what i am and who i am, i have the courage to face my fears, to reach out when i need to for not only am i a submissive but i am also a human being

11/13/2011

Can a submissive change due to a life changing event and can that affect who and what she is?

The answer to that question is yes she can, I am living proof of that.  It's not easy writing this but it is important for me to do this.  My life has been turned upside down due to my own mistakes in life. I am searching deep down inside to see where my mind has led me in life.  Not a very pretty picture but with guidance, caring, and understanding from Master,  i am finding my way in life once again.  I allowed myself to be pushed into the ground by an unimportant person in my life.  Now i'm in the battle of a lifetime.   Don't feel sorry for me because i myself allowed this to happen, i forgot what was important and allowed myself to become a door mat.  Now its climbing out of this black hole of life and finding out what type of submissive i truly am.  Master has truly been one of the best things to happen in her life, whether He wants to hear that or not.  He has stood by and watched and allowed me to grow and find my self worth again, and for that i am truly grateful for Him.  Now is the hard part for me.  i have changed in my life, and it has affected me as a submissive and its not what one might think.  i still serve with my heart, mind, body and soul that has not changed but things have changed.  Is it because i am now feeling and dealing with my feelings, or it is because the lifestyle has taken on different meanings for me, or is it a combination of both? For me i feel that it is a combination of both.  i feel like i am just starting out again learning what i like and what i don't.  Am i truly a pain slut now or has that changed also?   i have been in the lifestyle for over 15 years and now to feel like a new submissive just starting out in this life and that is very foreign to me; that is very scary and also very exciting at the same time. Things have a new meaning now for me.  Once a true pain slut, now things that i liked and wanted have changed for me.  Please don't take this wrong, i'm still growing within myself and don't give up easily. Trust isn't an issue with me either, i trust Master with my life as i should.  Now depending how one would look at it is it a perfect or imperfect situation, but i'm looking at as if i am a blank canvass now open for many new things to come.  i am truly becoming a better submissive not only for my own self but for my Master also, and for this i count my blessing each and every day.

10/23/2011

girl no longer has the honor of wearing His collar, and is on probationary status

9/17/2011

Had a wonderful time today at the ren fest with Master.  Master got girl her permanant collar today (picture posted), is a wonderful feeling for girl. girl knew she belonged to Master.  It is a sterling silver necklace with leaves on, for our relationship is an ever growing one.  girl is so happy and grateful to have such a wonderful Master who takes care of her.    girl also surprised Master with a set of new clover clamps.  girl never knew how much fun sitting in traffic on the way home could be.    girl had a great time with Master as always.

9/8/2011

Got to spend the afternoon with Master.  For not seeing each other for a month, things were the same as if W/we see each other everyday.  Wish Master didn't have to work as hard as he does.  Master got here and from the get go W/we were off and running so to speak. Buttons flying everywhere, clothes being ripped off, at times was even a lil hard to breath but ohh well life does go on.  Had some adjustment problems on a few issues but once things were discused and girl got used to the the idea everything was ok.  girl knows things are difficult to work around but girl is adjusting.   Hopefully things will start to settle down for both of U/us and girl can continue to grow into the sub Master desires.  girl has forgotten some tasks Master has given her but Master is very understanding to girls nilla situation that for now He has overlooked her lack of completing these tasks.  Now that girl has had time to adjust to her new nilla situations it is back to the grind for girl, so that Master is confindent when He gives girl tasks she has the confidence and knowhow to complete them.  Can hardly wait till girl is with Master again.

8/6/2011

Master came over last night to see girls new house. After girl finally got the directions correct Master arrived.  girl is finally getting to know Master better and the trust is building tenfold, girl is hoping that Master will step things up a lil now the the trust is building.  girl is also hoping now that she is in this new house without all the roommates that Master will be visiting more frequently.  Living in the same city and only seeing each other on occasion is very hard, girl knows real life does get in the way but where there is a will there is always a way.   Master brought girl the most wonderful surprise she could ask for a bull whip.   Woo Hoo. girl is so excited, can't wait for Master to fully use it on her.  Master also stepped up the violet wand hmmmm sometimes love it, ummm sometimes not so much.  No Master girl isn't complaining just stating her feelings.  =)  felt so wonderful after surrendering to Master falling asleep in his arms.  girl isn't much of a cuddler but felt so good to be wrapped in Masters arms.  girl hasn't felt that safe in a long long time.  well off for now 

7/24/2011

Master came over last night and has girl missed Him.  girl met Him in one of her new slutty outfits she got especially for Master(the usually aren't on very long)  Master had somewonderful surprises in store for his girl.  wow didn't know girl had it in her.  After Master made girl wiggle and squiggle, W/we had a few things that needed clarified so that W/we were on the same page.   girl has to learn how to tie knots(well she is trying), like Master said one should not trust anothers knots(smiles) like not trusting another to packing ones parachute.  girls limits are being tested more and more each time Master is around, one day she hopes and prays to far exceed her limits. 

A submissives Oath

Author? unknown

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I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Master and me from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm. 

I will not try to manipulate my Master. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. In other words, I will not top from the bottom.

I will keep an open mind about tying things that I am uncomfortable with and expanding my limits. I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.

I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Master, and will do my best to fulfill his wishes and desires.

I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused. I know that submissive does not equal a doormat.

I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissives. I will share my knowledge and experience with others in the hope that they will learn and benefit from where I have been. I will take time to help those new to the scene start out on the correct path.

I will be responsive to my Master. I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that I may assist him in his responsibilities as my authority. I know that Dominants are not telepaths, and will not expect my Mater to know thoughts or feelings which I do not share.

I will accept in the responsibility of a scene or relationship gone bad. I will not place total blame on my Master when it is not warranted simply because he is the Dominant. I realize that things may not work out as they should at times, and will do my best to put it behind me and move on.

I will give my gift of submission only to those that can responsibly accept and desire to receive. I will not place anyone in the position of "Topping me non-consensually, nor will I give my respect to someone that has not earned it.

I know that D/s is not a contest, and will never think myself a "better" submissive because I choose to submit on a different level than another. I will not be boastful of the experiences I have had as a submissive.

I will be obedient to my Master even if I disagree with what he is requesting. I realize he has my best interests at heart and often knows better than I what I need in a particular situation.

I know that my actions reflect upon my Master, and will do my best to help others see him in a positive way. I will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Master.

Above all, I will wear my title as submissive with honor. I will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be a weak or sub-human. I will take pride in who and what I am and will never show myself in a negative way.

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7/17/2010

Finally after about 2 weeks of not seeing Master, due to girls bad decisions, Master and i were able to get together for a meet and session.  No this wasn't a punishment for girl but it sure felt like one. 

We met around 8pm at a restuarant out in Robinson, where Master decided where were we would go to grab something quick to eat.  Girl was to cook for Master but well due to the timing, she owes Him a huge rain check and a big fat juicy steak out on the grill.  After grabbing something quick to eat we went to the park were it was nice and quiet to talk and eat our dinner.  Master wasn't really happy with me due to the fact that that was the first time that day girl ate.  She was busy running around and forgot.  She knows now that it is  very important to make sure she eats for Master gave her one heck of a work out. 

We finally made it back to girls house were Master met her zoo, 3 dogs, 3 cats, a gimpy hamster and a bird.  Well Master didn't get to see the gimpy hamster or the bird due to they were in a family members room, but He knows they are there.   While Master was busy with her zoo, she went and put on her slutty outfit she bought just for Master.  A black and silver lace tank (see thru of course), matching thong panites (which weren't on long) and her black lace corset fuck me boots.  By the look on Masters face and His reaction, girl chose wisely. 

From that moment on girl knew she was in for a whirlwind.  Master had given girl tasks thruout the week as to things He wanted.  When asked girl produced everything He had asked for and a few other lil surprises.  Rope for tieing, rope for binding, double lock handcuffs, be prepared for anything girl was told.  Girl did fail on a few minor things, no sharp knife but He made due with what she had.  Master went and inspected the toy bag, flogger, vibrator, pins, brushes, lubes, shoe horn(jury still out on this) and even a surprise or two for girl.  One would be surprised what could become of an ordianary coat hanger.  Master also had a whole lot of fun with a violet wand.(so did girl but shhh thats a secret).

Girl had many ups and downs throughout the session.  First thing Master bound her breasts that was a different feeling for girl, but wow did she enjoy it.  After Master bound His sluts breast, He then took the rope down thru His private playground.  That was definatly new for girl and wow did she enjoy that.  There was an issue of girl not being loud enough, so as a lesson girl now knows to speak louder for miscommunication could end up with a huge misunderstanding.  Once that was all cleared up Master again began another round of violet wand play.  Wow did girl jump and wiggle around.  Lets just say girl was electrified with joy and wanting for quite some time.  Master sure knows how to keep his girl jumping.  This girl was pushed beyond her limits, some she never thought or knew were there.   Girl had an awesome time with Her Master and is looking forward to growing and reaching beyond herself to grow with her Master.   she just hopes and prays that Master finds her pleasing enough to put up with her.  she also learned the hard way not to push Master unless she is ready for the consequences.