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Uchoose4me
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| "There are many paths to the tavern of joy."
In the last 15+ years, I've actively embraced the fact that:
"This life is < style="text-decoration: underline;">NOT</> a dress rehearsal!"
I am actively seeking a sub who can understand that I'm in an open vanilla marriage that is core to my life. I seek one who is sincere about serving, and being cared for without the need to be alpha in my life -- as that won't ever be. However, I have the patience and desire to be with you, to shape and develop you into the sub you know that you can be, and that I can already see in you.
Development of the sub, and Dom for that matter, is a journey. There are many vistas to view and some that neither might have imagined at the outset. That is one of the beautiful things about the journey itself.
In respect to that journey, long-term real-time and real-life would be best. However, I would also consider an online arrangement if it came to that. It is clearly open for discussion. And of course, I'm also open to casual play when it works out for all considered.
I self-identify as a sensual sadist -- exploring the range of sensation from soft & gentle to firm to hard& rough and back again. If you're not into the harder aspects, it's easy to stay in the softer gentler range. All limits are respected. Further, I'm no shibari master, but I can make the ties I need.
Personality-wise, I'm basically a nice guy, and a gentleman. That doesn't mean that I don't have standards or allow subs to get their way with a pouty look and a sniff. It means that I'm not an over-the-top angry guy trying to express this in his dominance. I don't see the upside to that. However, 1) I do maintain high standards that I expect to be upheld, 2) I do believe that a sub reflects on their Dom in all that they do, and subs must keep that in mind as they go about their day, 3) I also believe that discipline should be meted out swiftly, fairly, and without anger, and finally 4) That making the journey together is priceless.
Finally, being open, honest, and clear about all aspects in a relationship is crucial.
< id="yui_3_7_2_1_1360166959601_12776">There are (for me) 3 fundamental values that a relationship must have: Honesty, Trust, and Loyalty. </>< id="yui_3_7_2_1_1360166959601_12775"> Honesty must be the underlying foundation of the entire relationship. Anything else provides a foundation of quicksand which can swallow the other 2 values in seconds. The other 2 are in continual growth, and interrelated. As one becomes more trusting and feels more synergy with their partner, they equally grow in loyalty towards them. Of course, they can grow independently. I just think in the healthiest situations they grow together. Finally, a fourth value that acts as fuel for the other 3 is Respect... Respect for yourself, and what you bring into the relationship, and respect for your partner. Any Master who doesn't respect the gift of the slave's submission on some level is missing the boat. </>
WARNING: To any institutions using this site, or any of its associated sites, for studies or projects: you do NOT have my permission to use ANY of my profile ination (including text and/or photographs, videos) in any , or forum, both currently and/or in the future. If you have already done so, or intend to do so, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy, and the violation will be subject to legal ramifications.
Regardless, I'm here in order for me to grow and to assist in the growth of others through mutual interests and activities. If you're open-minded and seek complimentary desires, then we should get in touch.
My Quiz results....
You Scored as Dominant
Experimental 89%
Dominant 89%
Sadist 89%
Switch 75%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur 61%
Masochist 39%
Bondage 39%
Vanilla 18%
Submissive 18%
Degradation 14%
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This is a work in progress. I just need to get this started and will keep working on it until I am satisfied. (Those who know me well realize that this state may never come to pass... :-) ) Be well, Tuck.
I read a lot. Here, there, and everywhere. And recently, with regard to actual impact/bondage activities the issue of safety came up in a way that surprised me... Hence, I want to share my thoughts... for ME.
A Dominant's (or Master's) #1 job is the safety of their sub/slave. The Dom needs to be RESPONSIBLE for everything that happens, whether it was possibly foreseen or not. To me, a Dom who shirks this responsibility isn't really taking care of their sub, and places little value in their sub/slave -- who has willingly given their power over to the Dom.
Now, the sub/slave has some responsibilities, too. It's not a one way street. A sub/slave is responsible for being 100% honest and transparent in their communications with their Dom. If the sub can no longer feel their fingers due to a position or binding, that's something that they are responsible for communicating to the Dom. If the Dom does not provide an atmosphere that allows for this feedback, that is the Dom's fault in constructing the framework for the exchange of power.
For example, I'm a pretty tuned-in and intuitive guy. I sometimes check in with my sub/slave verbally because I can't actually read their minds... and dog gonnit, some sub/slaves are particularly stoic and want to take what their Dom gives out. Kudos to them for the strength of their submission, but I still need to know when enough is enough... and sometimes that requires asking.
As people get to know each other better, of course, the subtleties of their responses over time give the observant Dom information to head off going too far. But obtaining that level of connectedness takes time together.
Of course, situations where there is consensual non-consent or RACK in place, the burden of keeping the sub/slave safe rests solely on the Dominant party. Presumably this was negotiated when it was put into place... or perhaps not. The extent of the play is up to those in the relationship, and the Dom must have their own boundaries in mind as well.
What it comes down to is hurt versus harm... and the definition of each of those terms will vary from person to person, and even scenario to scenario.
Harm is when the limits are. For some, leaving bruises is going too far, and in that circumstance would be considered "harm". For another situation harm may be considered possible involvement of the police or loss of limb. For even the absolute most extreme interactions loss of life would have to be considered harm.
Whatever the definition for those involved, it is the Doms RESPONSIBILITY to keep the sub/slave from HARM. And it is the sub/slave's RESPONSIBILITY to quickly, openly, and accurately inform the Dom about some condition for which the Dom might be unaware.
Hurt is a whole different ballgame. Once the boundary of harm is in place there is a whole world that opens up underneath. There will be times when a Dom and their sub/slave are together where:
- The Dom will do something or say something, or
- The Dom will have the sub/slave do something, say something, or experience something
that is one or more of:
- embarrassing
- humiliating
- painful
- lonely
- overwhelming
- alarming
- tickly
- pleasurable
- uncomfortable
- etc.
As long as you're inside the boundaries of harm, then it's an area for exploration. Any one or more of those items may be on the "harm" list. That's okay. However, it is clear open communication that is required on EVERYONE's part that is essential in making it a safe experience for all.
Getting back to safety, ANYTHING that substantially alters one's ability to be aware of the state of affairs (alcohol or other mind altering substances) seem foolish to pursue during power exchange where harm is possible. The "whoops, I was wasted" defense is no defense. I would say that's further cause for condemnation.
These are just my thoughts.
(This is horribly incomplete and rough... I'll work on it.)
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Interesting... Even >70% of courteous, detailed, and personal emails can go without reply, too.
If someone has made the effort, isn't that worth at least a polite, "No, thank you."?
It seems not... |
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It's interesting reading people's journals. Spending my time perusing mostly female sub/slave profiles & journals seeking people who "fit", it is disappointing to see how much crap that they have to wade through with the fakes, flakes, and liars. And then it happened to me...
I was having a great on-going conversation of almost a month with a slave who's profile read as uncollared and she had been released from service about 1 year prior. We talked about our experiences, and discussing her past service and the various aspects of the demise of her ownership. We talked about where we were in our lives currently and what we are seeking. She shared what she was doing now, and what her and my desires were. We also talked about our individual interests and were beginning to find we had quite a lot in common.
And then... the other shoe dropped. She announced that she was still collared and, for whatever reason, was looking around. She seemed genuinely sorry, and what could I do...
So, I just wanted to offer this up to all you subs/slaves out there that slog through the heaps of crap. It happens to all of us. Keep on your search and don't let the turkeys keep you down.
Be well,
Tuck |
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| Age: 22 |
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Massachusetts |
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