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Yet again i am working on this whole lifestyle....things with the last "one" didn't work....We just arn't right for eachother and that is all i am going to say about that....still trying to find the "One" that can show me what it means to feel loved and needed....not to mention shown the love of a compassionate Dom....One day it will happen but until then....i am open to talking with most ppl....
thanks
angel |
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Learning lil things about me each day...finding the walls crumbling around me with each passing day as i find her...she is a precious gift awaiting the right One to open her mind and her heart to the wisdom of His in return...knowing all along this is a journey that she starts alone and along the way others may join her as long as they do not hinder her progression forward...
Consume her thoughts and her mind...but don't take away from her lil girl...for to do that would be the greatest sin One would commit to harming her.
Think of her....think of her fondly when You say good-bye....Remember her, once in awhile....please promise her You will try...then You will find once again You long to take her heart back and be free....if You ever find a moment...spare a thought for her.....
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Finding who i am is a journey i am enjoying...some days more than others but all the same it is a journey to find the heart. i have found part of that recently but still waiting to find the ONE that can take this wild angel and show her that she doesn't have to be scared or fight her heart anymore....are you out there....do YOU think YOU will take the chance on her..... |
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Still looking and searching for the One to complete me...beginning to wonder if this is where i search or is He elsewhere...hoping to find Him...or He find me should i say.
I have learned a few things since my last entry *originally done last august* ...i have learned that i am strong. I am brave. I am capable of waking each morning with love in my heart. I am right where i need to be for today.
Yet....starting to open my heart and mind to new possibilities.... |
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Over the past few months i have come to find that i am more lost than i thought i was...i am even more un-happy with where i am, over year ago, than i thought...at least in my personal life.
I have come so far in my life yet i find i feel lonely and isolated more and more each day. When does one know it is time to take that leap of faith and try again? When do you stop punishing yourself for things that you had no control over?
i know most will say that one should never punish themselves...espeically in the manner i was just expressing. But, i know i am doing just that.
How do Y/you allow S/someone to get close enough to make a major impact on Y/your life?
Opinions welcome. |
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Just because i am bi doesn't mean i am into poly ppl.....wake up...it just means that i can enjoy or find joy in the admiration and company of either sex.... i am very much under the beliefs of monogomy....and will not settle for less...i may be submissive but i have the right to make sure i am happy too.... |
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Lessons Learned
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
and between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
and learn...
With every goodbye, you learn.
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i found this in an old email and wanted to share it...
RISKS
author unknown
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk rejection.
To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to
risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel,
change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.
He has forfeited his freedom.
Only a person who takes risks is free. |
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O/one might call me masocistic if they were to see in writing everything i did today....then again O/others might just call me crazy....but i believe that if i don't try to cram everything in at once i am not accomplishing anything...so here goes let me know what Y/yall think....
up at 7am
quick breakfast while i shower
dressed and out the door by 7:30 with 2 kids
run get two air conditioners and a bike from storage,
drop off one air conditioner and the bike on one side of town then take the other back to where the day started *it is now 9am*
Run to the bank finding out the MO machine is broken and draging me and the girls to the post office to get the MO's to pay bills...go to the dollar store to finish the easter baskets....run back to MY place and un-load the stuff....put away the cupboard food i bought at the store the day before....do dishes, vacume the whole apartment, scrub the bathroom, sort out the toddler's toys, mop the floors, and wipe down the counters and tables....filling out the bills to mail them...strip my bedding off my bed...run back to the other house and get the girls lunch...realizing that i forgot the eggs and stuff to color them with at the store the day before....go get the eggs after starting the bedding at the laundr-o-mat run back to my apartment dropping off the two huge hampers *the ones that hold 4 loads at a time* of laundry i did the day before....running back to the laundr-o-mat and picking up the bedding and then running back to the house and gathering up the last of the stuff there to take the truck back to my brother....getting back to the apartment i made two pies for dinner Sunday....did my nails and the eldest girls....put both our heads in rollers and painted our toes.....
typing this out i now realize i am a perfectionist when it comes to my life...i feed on chaos....not a good thing.... |
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ok can someone explain to me why ppl will say that they are interested and then when you respond they just say thanks but no thanks...if Y/you are going to express an interest at least have the decency to back it up and not just play head games with ppl...
Y/you sit here and complain about the players yet Y/you become or are one Y/yourself....double standards don't work in my world....maybe it is an odd world but to me it makes sense....
WAKE UP PPL! |
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Why do ppl think that just because we are here and submissive or slave that we are just going to jump at the chance to do anything sexual for the Dominates that msg us. i know in the spectrum of things that is the way it should be but have a lil class ppl. get to know us before You start demanding sexual information from us.
Yes i know not all subs are as outspoken as i am but i refuse to be a doormat and take what i consider to be abuse and the rude behavior of strangers. i am just as much a person as the next and deserve to be cherished and valued...not demeaned and chastised for having a opinion.
*gets off her soap box before she gets her ass beat* |
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i have been active in D/s since i was 16...and yes i know S/some may say that is rather young...but i look older than i am so i was able to work around certain things.... most of my time active in D/s i have been VERY submissive...but recently *the past 3 yrs* have found my voice so to speak....i have been told i can be quite Domme when i need to be....or when provoked. i am however much more comfortable in the "serving" role....not a door mat but making sure that "He/She" is happy with my efforts...yet knows i am only human and admit i am not perfect. however....i do like to think i am somewhat an angel at times...but hey even they arn't perfect ALL the time..giggles...
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