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Friends:
johnnybadd2007

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I'm a good girl...always have been...always will be. Above all, I expect and give honest answers. I'm upbeat and I have a good sense of humor. I am very much a geek. I love video games and geek humor. I enjoy painting and writing, but most of my time is spent working and studying. Yes, I'm a fat girl. Something I've tried to change many times, something I'm still trying to change. I don't see the point in lying about it so if you are offended by honesty, keep moving.

I love children, I don't have any. Married once, when I was very young, divorced shortly after.

I've never been with a Dom before...but I've become fond of the idea recently. I am very happy in my life, I'm mostly just looking for someone to share it with. To experience some new things with. I've always had a natural tendancy to try to please others. I think that is why submission interests me. I don't feel the need to play a victim for attention. I'd rather have attention for being obediant, or being good.

I am not looking to abandon my life as it is. Just to add another element to it. To be with someone whom I can please. Pictures are available upon request, though I prefer not to send them through this site.

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11/24/2009 8:54:06 PM
I am dangerous tonight.

My heart burns brightly.  The heat consumes me, and in this fire I will be reborn.  A new soul will rise from the ashes.  

The pain dies, and I won't let it come back.  Words catch in my throat.  I am speechless. 

11/23/2009 8:13:35 PM
There is so much within the world that we cannot see.  There are all these interstitial lifeforms.  Creatures that exist in the spaces between.  Microscopic organisms that make a whole world for themselves between two grains of sand.

So do two lovers invent a whole world and mythology unto themselves.  A whole world of feelings and fascinations between the space of two souls.  A love like that wasn't meant to exist only in the spaces between.  It can't help but overflow and flood your life where once things were dry and barren.

And so it is I want someone to flood my life like the desert after the rain.  To watch the thousands of seeds burst forth into full bloom, living while they can in those fleeting moments.  To see the things that were dormant and dusty within my soul suddenly breathing with life. 

I haven't met you, but I want your name written within me.  I want all the words you might say etched upon my soul.

There is a language of blood and bone and nerve endings, of secret names and doors that unlock at my knock.  I want access to all your rooms, every dark corner.  I want you to have access to mine.

I want to feel your desire.  Shuddering, sinking into my bones with pleasurable shock.  Like a key turning into a lock.  Name me with your groans, mark me with your love.  I am myself, but more importantly, I am yours.  Wherever you are.

11/21/2009 8:22:37 PM
The rain woke me.

A quiet rumble in the heavens and then the sky was awash with light for a few brief moments. Rain falling softly, lulling me from a heavy-eyed sleep, fresh air rolling across my naked flesh.

And I was strangely satisfied lying there in the half darkness, naked, vulnerable, and listening to the heavens pour down outside. There is a certain peace in knowing the way that life is.

I'll never be in just this place, in just this way, ever again. Life is too short to live inside of pain. Better to live for the brief moments of love, of a perfect dance along a smooth floor. Better that then lying in misery, waiting for death, or fear, or pain to come and claim me.

11/20/2009 4:30:19 PM
I lie awake at night and I dream about the future. 

Everything I hold inside rushes forth and floods my soul.  The moonlight reveals my hope in all things.  I want to believe in the possibilites...I want to choose a path that's better.  I want to find the highest ground.

I don't know what I deserve anymore.  I don't know where to start, where to begin.   I guess the only place you really can begin is with a dream.

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. 

~
W.B. Yeats~

11/19/2009 3:15:31 PM
This idea of a Dom, it captures me and holds me close, if I close my eyes tight enough I can feel His arms around me. I desperately search for Him in my sleep, but my hands just keep reaching on...I wake up with such a longing in my heart I want to sob to the depths of my being.

But I don't...I brush my hair, I make breakfast, I go to school, and work. The idea of Him hovers on the fringe of my thoughts all day long.

Today I saw two people kissing and i stared, i couldn't help it. Brief moments of tenderness that others take for granted, moments that will break my heart time and again if I think about them too often.

My thoughts are with You, I am wishing, hoping, for You.

Do You know the depths of which You permeate my mind, my body, my heart?... I remain here, in silence, hoping You see it in my eyes...I am waiting for you.

If the world were to end tomorrow, I would regret never having met You, never having found You...never having felt the touch of a Man who can inspire my heart to serve with every beat.

For now I have to be content with hoping that someday I won't have to regret such things...
 

11/17/2009 9:16:12 PM
The apartment is quiet, except for my music. A hum of melody and notes that my bare feet can tap along to. Spent half the evening lying on my bed with my feet against the wall, my curled hair fallen over the edge, eyes closed, singing along and using my hair brush as a mic.

I made orange mint tea, and put it in one of the big blue mugs. It warms my hands and makes my bedroom smell like some exotic and far off place. It makes everything feel clear, colorful, and beautiful.

I dreamed I was folding laundry in my living room with a handsome stranger. The clothes were warm, just out of the dryer, soft on the fingertips. He made some joke about how he liked my clothes all over the floor. I stuck my tongue out and he caught me and tickled me until I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath. Then he kissed the nape of my neck and pulled me close.

Why are dreams so much better than reality?

11/16/2009 8:03:23 PM
The sun is warm today, heart-breakingly warm.

The mild breeze touches me and surrounds me, like the gentle caress of a silent lover. The loneliness inside retreats to my heart, silent waves laping quietly against my very soul. I am left unfulfilled, longing for the other half of myself.

(I peek out of hued red curtains into the bright world. A smooth blue in the velvet sky, no clouds to ruin the perfect canvas.)

I am nearly numb with the feeling. It no longer hurts, just an echoing void.  You would not see it in my face, nor hear it in my words, it is a silent plea.

(Though you could feel it in my touch.)

I wish you would stumble upon my loneliness, and follow the river of my tears until you found me. I wish you'd look down into my eyes, and know I was the soul you were meant to own.

Until then, my every breath is yours.

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AbsintheFairy
 
 Age: 27
 Chicago, Illinois