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About this Tips for Subs Profile:
This profile is being created as an attempt to share tips for successful D/s dating through collarme. The profile is not an official service of this site, but is simply one wise, knowledgeable Dom's attempt to reach out and share tips with subs in order to help you avoid common mistakes and get the most out of your collarme experience. The page is written specifically for heterosexual submissive women who are looking for Dominant men, and therefore the advice offered may or may not be useful for LGBT users.
Why was this profile written?
Let's face it: dating is hard enough as it is. You know that--you probably wouldn't be on this site if you had already found what you're looking for. And yet, it doesn't take long for most women to realize that just having a profile on this site can be a very time consuming task--a pretty face can receive tons of mail in a very short time. This profile is written as an attempt to help you get the most out of your search, and also hopefully add to your development as a great potential sub and/or slave for a future partner/Owner/Master.
Tips are added as time goes by, so check back frequently. Also, the journal section will be used as a Q & A section, so feel free to send in any questions you might have.
Tip #1: Search profiles to find what you're seeking.
This tip sounds so obvious, but you'd be surprised how lopsided searches can be here on this site. A lot of that has to do with the fact that men are taught to pursue women, and women are likewise conditioned to let the man pursue them. That's all fine and good, but it becomes a problem on sites like this. Why? Because men typically outnumber women by about 10 to 1 on these type of sites. That said, if you just sit back and only read email without doing some searching on your own, you're effectively doing two things. First, you're going to be wading through a LOT of mail from men that you're not interested in, which can be very time consuming. Second, you're limiting your interaction to those who show up in your inbox. Some of the more selective men here, who are wise enough to see the inherent problems with the way this system works, don't even like to send a first email. They know full well that the system doesn't work for them, and so they prefer to wait in hopes of interacting with those who have the gumption and initiative to conduct their own search and make first contact. This is not to say that you can't meet a great Dom just by checking your inbox. It is to say, however, that there can be enormous benefits to doing a search on your own.
Tip #2: It is your job to discern who you're compatible with. It is NOT your job to educate the masses about their problems.
I'd be a very wealthy man if I had a dime for every time I'd read a submissive woman's profile who found it necessary to instruct her potential suitors as to how to approach her. The stereotypical statement goes something along the lines of, "I'm a sub, but I'm not your sub, and you should approach me with respect."
Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with that statement...except that it should never be made. Why? There are at least two reasons:
First, as I said in the headline to this tip, it IS your job to discern who you are compatible with. But in order to discern who you are compatible with, you have to judge your interaction with that person as is, without him taking hints from you that will color your first impression. Think about it--would you really want to be with a man who behaved the way you wanted him to in a first message, but only because he was spoon feeding you what you had asked for? In other words, if you have that stereotypical "I'm a sub, but I'm not your sub" line in your profile, and a man writes you with a very respectful email--but he would have written you a very stereotypical "On your knees, slut" first message had he not read your instruction in your email, then is your judgment of that initial interaction a very accurate portrayal of who this man is? Of course not--because from the time you put that in your profile forward, you're never going to know if a good letter from a man is how he approaches every sub he's interested in, or if he's taking cues from you.
Which, by the way is a great segue into the second reason it's a bad idea to put such a note in your profile: you're here to find a Dominant man, not a submissive sissy who is going to acquiesce to everything you want and always let you have your way. If a man IS taking cues from you before the first email is ever sent, then how do you expect such a relationship to ever transform into the kind of relationship you're seeking? It can't, if you ask me--the underlying power dynamic of the relationship will have been set from the get go, and that underlying power dynamic is that you, the supposedly submissive woman, are actually calling the shots and informing the supposedly Dominant man of how he should act and how he should behave. Not cool...and not what you are looking for.
But, let me reiterate: It IS most definitely your job to discern who you're attracted to and who you're a good match for. But you need to do so in a more covert way, without offering instructions along the way. You absolutely have the freedom and the responsibility to be picky and choosy about who you date or become involved with--but don't feel like it's your responsibility to educate men how to act, because it's not. So, for instance, let's say you hate one-line emails (almost every submissive woman's profile out there has this instruction note to all potential suitors: don't send me a one liner if you want a response). My suggestion is, don't tell the men who read your profile not to send you one liners in a first message--just tell yourself that you don't respond to someone who takes that approach, and then weed people out accordingly. Know your role: let the man be himself without offering him instructions, judge him accordingly based on how he acts without being prompted, and in doing so you're sure to find a much better match than you would have by barking orders at him before you ever send a first email.
Tip #3: Know how to use the chat feature, and use it as you see fit.
In my experience, a lot of you women out there think that the chat feature doesn't work, but the problem is that you just don't know how to use it.
Don't misunderstand--I'm sure that there are those of you whose computers honestly mess up because of the cm chat feature. If you're one of those people, then the thing to glean from this tip is to go into your settings and disable the chat feature so that no one can send you random chat invites. Don't make a big deal out of it on your page. If you don't want to chat, for whatever reason, then a Dom should be smart enough to figure that out when he sees that the invite button is always grayed out when he sees you off of the home page search results screen.
But, for those of you who are interested in chatting, here's how it works. I'm the Dom. I see your profile and I'd like to chat with you. I send you an invite and there is a red lettered button on the side of your screen beside the check mail button that notifies you that you have a chat request. You then look at the man's profile and determine if you'd like to chat. If the answer is a firm no and there is no interest at all there, then you should just go ahead and hit the "Block User" button so that he won't be persistent and keep sending you requests (remember: men in general, and especially Doms, are socially conditioned to be persistent, meaning that they might continue to contact you until you firmly break contact, such as by blocking them).
On the other hand, if you want to chat with him, you accept the invite. On his screen he is re-directed to a private chat room. He stays there until you are redirected there, too. Eventually the two of you both wind up in this private chat room and you're able to chat. If you get there and he's not there, it likely means that he's the one that doesn't know how to use the thing, and that he jetted off before you were redirected to the room. I'd still give it a minute or two, though, as he might show up in due time...collarme chat is browser based and fairly antiquated vs. a stand alone IM program like you might find on other dating sites. The point behind all of this, though, is that if you make it into the private chat room, then that means that collarme chat should work for you--if you're the only one in the chat room, the problem was human error rather than a problem with your computer.
One more note about all of this: some subs get annoyed with the amount of chat requests they get, particularly from men they've never received an email from. The thinking here is perfectly legitimate--but, always remember that the best subs and the prettiest faces get tons and tons of email messages here. Sometimes men attempt to say hello on chat without breaking the ice in email first because they figure it might be easier to stand out via instant messenger, where you can talk one on one and get a better feel for one another. It's not my place to tell you if receiving a message from someone who has not sent you an email first is rude--but you should know that sometimes this is done with the best of intentions. Obviously, other times the guy is just a pretentious, impatient jerk. Your job, as always, is to discern who is right for you based on their unprompted interactions and advances.
Find these tips helpful? Let me know--I like feedback.
Have a tip to share? Send it to me--I'd be glad to consider posting it.
Have a question for the Q & A section? Send it to me and it might get posted.
Check back regularly for more informative tips for the best possible collarme experience.
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