thetwistedmaster

I recently started taking up old school bow and arrow aka archery. Now, archery may come in many forms depending on what you prefer. Combo bows with pulleys, or even crossbow. No for me. I prefer the old native style, a sturdy recurve bow does me just fine. In fact, it puts me in a sorta peaceful, relaxing state... While my muscles tense, mind focused, hands gripping the bow firmly as my arm pulls back my eye takes aim, the arrow is set and ready for release. Swiss~ The arrow flies from my bow as my fingers simultaneously ease off the bowstring. Thump! as it impacts my target practice... The entire motion, the form, the balance, followed with the release of the gripping tension. As I practiced... I felt this similar feeling before... The feeling of being in control, the feeling of allowing the arrow to go where I and when... taking aim and focusing just right until I wanted to release it... The same feeling when I'm in control of a faithful sub/slave. Building up to the moment of release... Going through the motion, one step at a time, until when I feel that it is just right for my little sub/slave to cum, or if I so choose, when I wanted to reward them with my very own. It is my moment... at my time, and if, just like taking aim at archery, is not right, I would miss my target... But, as many of us may know... when the moment of release is done just right... it becomes such a wonderfully beautiful thing... A work of art, poetry in motion. ---- Archery is also something that makes me feel free. As a primal male. The hunter, gatherer and protector. As one should be, able to fight and defend for what is his, to claim and conquer, to risk the elements to be that primal man. ---- The only thing that primal man needs to do is, hunt, kill, feed, protect and claim what is his. Much like the caveman mentality... bash the girl over the head, drag her to your cave and own her. I love that side of me. I love it when it gets to come out and I get to express myself with a sub/slave in that way. To tower over her, knowing that she depends on me as much as I depend on her for my needs. She knows her place, she respects and loves the man... the beast within. The one that will take arms and battle, the one that will go out to hunt and gather. The one that will ravage her when he returns. She is at the ready... ready for the beast to unleash all his fury on her. She expects nothing less, she knows what he is, she yearns at times to be aggressively taken, tossed to the ground like one of his prey... she waited for her man to return to claim what is rightfully his... She waits.

"...From the perspective of Dzogchen, the ultimate nature of all sentient beings is said to be pure, all-encompassing, primordial awareness or naturally occurring timeless awareness. This intrinsic awareness has no form of its own and yet is capable of perceiving, experiencing, reflecting, or expressing all form. It does so without being affected by those forms in any ultimate, permanent way. The analogy given by Dzogchen masters is that one's nature is like a mirror which reflects with complete openness but is not affected by the reflections, or like a crystal ball that takes on the colour of the material on which it is placed without itself being changed. The knowledge that ensues from recognizing this mirror-like clarity (which conversely cannot be found) is what Dzogchenpas refer to as rigpa.[2] One knows that there is a primordial freedom from grasping his or her mind (sems).[3]..."

Your views may not reflected this, but to me, it makes perfect sense...

So the joke goes... the Dalai Lama walks into a pizza joint and ask the shop to.. make him one with everything... har har har... funny?  get it?  Anyways, as stated in my earlier writing... I've been reading a good amount of post in all sorts of groups here and there... and noticed a sickening trend... bashing on other peoples idea of what is... and what isn't.  

Who's to say if someone doesn't feel like being collar for a day or so, does that truly not make them a slave or submissive?  Or if someone doesn't enjoy pain in a certain way, does that not make them a masochistic anymore?  Or, if someone does not enjoy giving or receiving x,y and z... are they no longer such and such?

Aren't all of us innately different to begin with? Our views, wants and yearning vary as such?  Just because lets say, I enjoy being a twisted Sadistic... giving pain in any number of ways... am I just a Sadist?  Or what if I enjoy just knife play and feeding off on the fear of inflictions am I just grouped with knife plays?  What if I choice to cut and do blood play... or perhaps lick the wounds of my victim and mend it softly and hold it in my arms, am I just vanilla?  

If you've read my journals, you may already have a sense that I do not like categories, definitions of them and how if you veer off a specific define set, you are no longer or you are now in a new one...  Seriously?  How about having no circle... no definition, no boundaries or threshold to en-caged a person, their minds and how they live.  

Does not having a specific area or focused kink make someone unfocused? Does it show signs of immaturity? Does it say to the rest of the people, that the person is not ready or has not chosen or found their path?  Swaying from one group to the other, does that make them unaware of themselves?

These lines, boundaries and definitions is why having an Alt life style is appealing to so many... isn't it because their very own definition does not fall in with the majority of every day society?  Why are more and more Alt forums/post/replies beginning to sound like... this is the way for this.. and if you falter from these specifications, you are no longer in the correct group... go to such and such instead...

I personally am a bit of everything... I enjoy a lot of this and a lot of that... I may be sadistic physically one day, and the next day I may crave the taste of blood play, then I may want to have a bubble bath or shower and wash away the blood and wounds and tend to the wounds that was inflicted... Fuck, maybe I just want to sit down, eat popcorn and watch a fucking movie!  

But what ever it maybe, wouldn't it be more appealing to be dynamic?  The same old paddle may get boring after years of spanking... or the same old whip may get mind numbingly dull after a few sessions...  Or the taste of blood mixed with cunt, sweat and semen loses its intoxication...  What ever it may be...just reading post here and there, I find that a lot of people are so eager to say such things like, you don't belong here... or you are wrong to think that way... or perhaps you shouldn't be doing that... to flat out, you are totally wrong, my views are correct and here are my flock of followers that agree.  

What does that leave the people that does not fall into any one particular?  Where do the people that freely chooses to not just fall into one or two (mind you we Alts are still clever and we come up with terms such as "Switch" and such to compensate).  Are they confused and lost and have not yet found their inner self?  Or perhaps, being one with everything is more zen, open and understanding than that of those that just tunnel into a particular zone~

It truly is ... to each its own... Been doing a lot of reading here and there, and some of the post/replies are straight up attacks on people are wild~   A lot of fluff spitting out their 2cents then adding a last sentence ... something like .. oh well, what ever floats your boat...  Really?  Some replies so strongly disagree and pretty much say after taking out the fluff... is I disagree, I think my views are superior and morally correct, you are a dick for thinking that way... but, to each its own... Wow... so many assholes pretending to be morally sound and intelligent and at the same time genuine and caring and understanding..."what ever makes you and yours happy" comment seems to be a line used like a get out of jail free card, because I just totally bashed your opinions and lifestyle/choices... 

So many fakes!  Seriously! Just a rant, some are pretty good and others are more honest... But the mob mentally applies here as well and it tends to gravitate a good amount of people into a certain Main Stream view of something that shouldn't have a main stream view at all, because it should truly be... to each its own~

Everything seems so green today... the trees are getting plenty of water this week near the Boston area.  The leaves and grass dripping from the misty rain... so dull...much like many of the post on websites such as these...

So typical... no one is really replying with open, honest thoughts, still holding back to confirm to a new set of socially accepted views within a smaller circle... unless they are? Then, at least to me, it seems so soft and fake... trying their hardest to be both logical and redeeming a sense of dignity...

Or perhaps once again, I am the odd man out even from a sub culture's circle... So untamed my thoughts, my views... how are they...why are they... so much different from the ones being expressed on these forums and website?  Why is it... the more I read these post on topics of my interest, the more it makes me feel isolated...disconnected.

Many responses, at least some I should say, seem close to what and I how feel, would veer off and add comments that would make them more... generally acceptable to the masses.

As I said before, I am not better than you, nor am I beneath you... I am just me...  It seems to ring truer and truer.  It is hard and seems near impossible to find a particular person with similar ideals.  I would hope, at least by now, with over 7 billion people on Earth... someone... anyone... would share a similar outlook.

The search continues...

Just feel like sharing some tunes... check it out and feel free to comment if you like

"...It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew..."

Great chorus imo...

"...Before I let you go
Give me just one more night to show you
Just how I feel
I lost all my control
If it takes my whole damn life
I'll make this up to you

Kind of like the waves
That roll their whole life towards somewhere
Crashing on the shore
It's blown in by the wind
that carries the clouds to hide
My wish on a fallen star..."

Switching it up to something softer and often times I feel this echoing in the background...

"...
Don't know if our fate's already sealed
This day's spinning surface on a wheel

I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips

Cut it out
I've got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may chance your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?..."

And one of my favorite local ...

"...Satellite of silver and gold
Cheap wine by the side of the road
And I'm running wherever those street lights will carry me

Well you shine just like a diamond in the pouring rain
Whispering through the rails like a ghost of a speeding train

But I'm Dancing Scarlet through the night
Dancing 'til I get it right
But I can't let you go, I can't let you go..."

That song reminds me of someone extremely special that has faded away...but when ever I listen to it... my heart races and memories overcome me as if it was yesterday...

Can't break the broken~

I had a vision of someone I know... a service pain slave that enjoys the humiliation and degradation.  Her moans echo through the chill night... pinned and bound against a tree in the woods just a little ways behind my house... Blind folded... panting... I can see her hot breath escaping her lips as her heart races... 

This was her reward... for being such a good little pet.  Her hands bound at the wrist, wrapping backwards and around the body width Easter hemlock... The bark ran jagged up and down, her back firmly pressing against it.  Her collar and shoulders strapped securely to the sturdy wood, not yielding much freedom to squirm...

Her breast bound, perking them and lightly constricting blood flow as they grew bright red, I knew I had sometime till it had to be released... My hands slowly gliding, near touching her as they inspected every inch and contour of his pet.  Her legs were extended with a rod, straps firmly gripping on her soft narrow ankles were the rods separated her legs. 

I slowly start from the bottom... with the tip of my knife, I use the tip of its edge to slowly and aimlessly glide my way up... swirling around the outer and inner calf... inner thighs to outer... switching in between the left and right... I could see her lower abdomen quiver... her cunt was shaking... as my hand inches up... I can feel the heat from my pussy, engulfing my clenched hand holding the hilt of the knife... I pulled the blade away... 

Walking around her... as my feet snap on twigs, and crunches fallen leaves, her head jerked towards that direction... mouth opened and gasping lightly, not knowing whats to come next... I slowly circle my bound pet... I swear I could hear her heart pounding with excitement... as I continue to circle... her head still jerking around towards my footsteps, as I feet cracked twigs and leaves in the night air...

....

My mind is gnarled and dark with mixed thoughts and emotions... My longing for the correct pet/slave seems more like wishful thinking... My heart grows heavy as I stare deeply into my own reflection... often times disgusted with what I see... who I am.. why am I this way? 

The majority of the world seems perfectly content...flowing through life with the status quo...But...Who am I?  Why am I me... disgusted... twisted and sinful... dark and perplexing... I am not who you think I am... I am not what you think I am... I am different and strange in all the wrong ways... I am complicated and demanding...I have yet to find someone that understood and accepted me for all of me...only portions of me and what decide to give and show. 

A slave/pet who understand a Master is like finding a perfect mirror that reflects back all the things inside and lights it in a way that will make them feel comfortable...allowing them to shine and be who they are...setting them free to be who they need to be...it's stifling without them... it's life with them...

Sometimes I enjoy emotional pain as much as physical... other times I enjoy the mental torture as much as the spiritual... Other times I'll hold you in the palm of man hands and nurture you and shape you, water you and watch you grown. I may then squish the clay in my hands to reshape you into something new, adding bits here and there till I find perfection, then break it down again and create a new...

I am me... I am not a single category or a multitude of them. I exist in between the shades, walking the line in what appears to be the only path I find comforting. I've taken detours and entered specify parties, and categories... I do not belong... I've search and waited and found hints of what could be, but never obtaining...

Like the wind, I am free and unbound by the everyday standards, sometimes not even the unusual accepts me.

I am me...

I am not better than you, nor am I beneath you... I am not like you... I am just me~

The world is too vanilla for me...

Yeah... playing a little Tera~

We tend to do it all the time... usually everyday, when we wake up and go to work, we put on our socially acceptable mask and we wear it well... live with it... and for most, they never get the chance to take it off~

Music... extension of my soul~

As I know this is a very rare trait, I have been fortunate enough to encounter a few of these rare and beautifully devoted individuals.  It is those few and rare that I am hopeful and grateful that they are still out there.  It may be a dark road ahead and I may walk this life with out finding the "one" but that is what makes us human... is that we are hopeful... it is what brings us here... the hope in finding someone, and be fortunate enough to share this short life span that we have together...

Here is a post I've made on another forum but would like to share here as well...

My Intro...first experience~why and how I got here...pretty long...but thanks for reading!

Hello all, lets start this group out with the basics. Why are we here? And what are we looking for? I've stumbled upon numerous post and discussions boards that seem to be active for only a short period of time. For that very reason, it could throw people who are seeking sound advices from posting their questions for the simple fact that it may have been lasted used x,y,z time ago.

So the question it simple but we can all dive in and dig deeper here. We'll start off with a bit about myself and why I decided to join the community. I'm a 31 year old, young professional and have always been curious, interested and turned on by this life style... Many of us will go about our lives, putting on our work and every life mask and we all become so accustom to it, that taking it off and letting us be free seems a bit too scary. Facing a new world, without our what became a type of security blanket leaves many of us not taking the risk to explore, challenge and live our lives the way we want to.

I feel that most of us are here because we have made the choice to either rid the mask, or have gotten comfortable with ourselves or simply want to learn, be educated and experiment. We all know life is short... too short at times.

What we crave is no doubt lustful, but for others it goes beyond that. It could be searching for that someone to share life with, not just a quick hook up... not saying quick hook up is bad in anyway if that is what the parties involved in consent and condone it, than it would be perfectly acceptable for those. For those that seek something more... something that goes past a fling, that burning inside that seeks that connection, that familiarity, that companionship... the one that turns that fire into an inferno... the one that fills that void and makes us complete.

I've been fortunate enough to have met someone in the not so distant past that utterly exploded my world. I always knew there was something more that I craved... That I desire... that I needed. And what i ... as if I finally took my first breath of air, and I wanted more. That new feeling of excitement... Heart racing, legs shaking, hands trembling feeling... That was the first time I've ever made such a strong connection with anyone, but alas, life has a very interesting way of throwing us a curve ball... What I took and gained from that encounter and experienced is something I will never forget.

Now that the cork was popped, after knowing what I was missing, rather... not "missing"... more denying myself to live.

We like to think that we are all good people... or at the very least semi decent human beings... We like to think we follow the rules, we don't break any major laws and we're not flat out assholes to everyone we encounter. We'll help hold the door open for someone as they're passing through or stick a hand out if someone needs our help when they fall. We generally view ourselves as decent people. For the most part.

So why are we here? Why are some of us married... or engaged in another relationship here? Is it because we lack what we need in our vanilla life? Or is it the excitement of the entire scene... something new and different and taboo? Or are we simply so lustful we have to cheat on our significant others to fulfill our own desire? We all have our reason, and for me... my reason is that I have become aware of what I want in life, that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and screw everything and do anything... I'm not here to make or toy with people's lives... rather enjoy and share the short time that we have. As Dido said... "But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy, Well I deserve nothing more than I get 'cause nothing I have is truly mine..."

We can all go about our vanilla life... live a per... and die in an ordinary way... with nothing spectacular ever occurring or that fulfillment that we yearned for. As we lay on our death beds wishing we could or should have done this and that... we feel that by not doing so, we did alright, we lived a basic life, and we didn't hurt anyone. We raised a good family and our friends are around to see us go... But who did we live for? Did, or do we live our lives for the approval of our friends and families? When do we get the choice to live our lives for us... is it duties? responsibilities? or fear?

Those very questions were something I also had a very interesting experience with. Surprising, my friend happens to be in her 60s... going strong and engaged with multiple male partners still! Her advices to me and we all may take it with a grain of salt, for each of us may view it differently... was... "don't wait till your my age to live..." She wanted to show me that this was indeed your life that you are living... she was successful, had wonderful children and grandchildren. She's been in this relationship for many years and it was the best experience for her.

Similar to this life style, she said the first time, the first step was the hardest... but once it happen, she felt this burden... this weight off her shoulders, felt as if she was finally free... free to live and not be so judgmental on herself, free to express how she felt with whom she wanted. She told me that the hardest critics are ourselves. That our moral boundaries isn't so much our own, but it is what is socially acceptable at this time.

I do have to agree to an extent... I am very hard on myself, I tend to judge myself more than others judge me and I do believe that to be true. The second is, we, as a society are extremely judgmental... We have set these boundaries and rules and laws that make us feel like we are faulty... In my opinion why do we have so many failed marriage rates? Again just an opinion... is because we settle... Life tends to lead us here... there... and before you know it... you're where you are and now, just drifting down that path. Others may view it as... well if you didn't want this.. then you should have said or done something before you got there. Perfectly fine to say, but sometimes life grabs you and you tend to flow with it not knowing where it'll take you. That seems to be a lot of people's ending line... "Send me an email and we'll see where it goes..." or something similar in nature.

We're not fortune tellers, at least I'm not psychic by any means. We ride the wave and it'll either carries us to shore or thrash us in the undercurrent. Not everyone will become a successful billionaire the way we imagine ourselves to be, same as not everyone will live out their dreams to be a rock star or movie star. So to say, change and do something differently, is easy to suggest, accomplishing it maybe more of a challenge.

Taking that leap and deciding to be here... is my first step, wearing the mask during regular business hours is fine... but I would rather have a moment in life where I am comfortable enough to take it off. It tends to get heavy at times.


Thank you
Twisted~