TheTwistedDream

Dominant Couple, 39, Manchester

Dominant Couple, 36, Lynn, Massachusetts

Submissive Couple, 21, metro detroit, Michigan

I just read an informal definition of submission that gave me pause. It stated that true submission comes when the sub puts all of his/her desires second to those of the Dom. So obvious, yet so worrisome. What concerns me is that this definition is something of a paradox. Nobody is sexually submissive unless they enjoy it, unless they get off on it and unless they have a fantasy life involving a long list of things they would like to experience within the realm of kink. Nobody wants to hop into playtime and find that the Dom has decided that this list of things is off-limits and the agenda now revolves around a bunch of activities the sub doesn't give a damn about. I mean, that wouldn't work, right? If a sub has a pantyhose fetish and his Domme insists that no pantyhose are allowed, he's not going to stick around. I only see this definition resolving itself with subs who really find it erotic just to submit and don't particularly mind how they get there. Which still isn't technically putting the sub's desires after those of the Dom - it's more that the Dom is able to satisfy the sub's desires by satisfying his own. As for myself, I have specific desires and vivid fantasies. If I met a Dom and found out that his own fantasies had little overlap with mine, would it be un-sub-like of me to refuse to play with him? If his interests seemed ambiguous, would it be topping from the bottom if I asked him to help me realize some of mine? I've met men who say that they are interested in spanking and bondage, which are fairly ho-hum activities to me. Is it a no-no in sub-land to ask them if they are interested in humiliation and Daddy/little girl play, the mere thought of which gets me wet in under a minute? I always thought that one negotiated these things according to specific desires. Now I'm finding that you aren't submissive in bed unless you put aside your specific desires. God, BDSM is a tricky creature.

Male Dominant, 59, NJ / NY / London, New Jersey

Male Dominant, 51, Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania

Female Dominant, 33

Male Dominant, 43, Westboro, Massachusetts

Male Dominant, 39, Westchester/NYC, New York

Male Switch, 30, kissimmee, Florida

Male Submissive, 26, Dubai

Male Switch, 27, Northern Ireland

Male Dominant, 52, las vegas, Nevada

Male Dominant, 48, London

Male Dominant, 30, Mumbai

Female Dominant, 23