thestarryone


thestern1 Male Dominant, 37, cleveland, Ohio	thestrider Male Dominant, 48, Breda	TheStomper Male Dominant, 47, Brooklyn, New York

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	About thestarryone there's a binding beyond all time or space it IS it is US

Your Star

I can't see your star.
I can't see your star.
Though I patiently waited, bedside, for the death of today.
I can't see your star.
The mechanical lights of Lisbon frightened it away.

And I'm alone now,
Me and all I stood for,
We're wandering now,
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

I can't see your star.
I can't see your star.
How can the darkness feel so wrong?

And I'm alone now,
Me and all I stood for,
We're wandering now,
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

So far away,
it's growing colder without your love.
Why can't you feel me calling your name?
Can't break the silence,
It's breaking me.

All my fears turn to rage.

And I'm alone now, me
And all I stood for.
We're wandering now,
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely, find your own way out.

Now, I have nothing worth fighting for.
We're wandering now.
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely,
find your own way out.

~Evanescence
{do a websearch for the video...i like *s*}

the night is falling
sun fading, pale skies, autumn moods
green cat-eyes watching me
a purr in my ear
love undenied, true
the new year began
began in inner turmoil, peace, conflict
still the goal was hidden
hidden by stars, clouds, my inner barriers
still the peace was a mere
shimmer, my eyes blinked and I missed it
trying to move past the pain, see clear
broken foundations, torn ligaments, wretched tears
something being birthed in pain and hope
nothing that could be contained
believed in deeply
ever taken in fully
the part of me, all, whole
the soul of me, real, true
poets die in their own words
scream in their own agonies
writhe in the glory
love like gods
whimper in the night
can never be silent
have I become a poet?

I felt the wheel turn
the new year upon my life
such a harsh taskmaster
the goad, the whip, the taunter
I follow
the poet in me drawn to life
to that wispy hope, that slim chance
on a wing
I took to the air
knowing I didn't know the destination
or even the safe landing,
the haven
the goal recedes
I fly on a wing
feathers marking time
caress, pain
what distinguishes the two?

(c) 11/4/07
the Celtic new year began on 10/31-11/1

i have no clue what i'm doing.

driftwood on ocean waves.

*eg*

just cos i'm in that mood...of hating and reviling and disgust and sorrow and an angry despair...

*shakes head*

flicks it all off......the whole sub thing, the whole relationship thing...the isolation thing...men thinking that women think potbellies are sexy, men thinking that poor hygiene will be excused, men thinking that they can do what they want without any class, men thinking that women will admire them despite their failings--the ignorance, the lack of personal growth, the thinking they are gods when they are so pathetic, the assumption of power when they have no clue what that really means.

*sigh* the whole human race is flawed...men and women both. I don't exclude myself from that category.

my mirror speaks clearly...and its showing me something seemingly unachievable.

whatever

I know...

I won't be tolerated easily. I'm wild and free and exuberant, too alive despite my shadows, maybe alive cos of those shadows, the light in me battling my darkness *s* and usually winning that battle, too young for my years. seems I talk a lot, but some of that is nervousness, some just my thoughts brought to the fore, not thinking of how I appear to the other. just being me.

crikey, I just believe that few men could ever deal with me, or ever ever truly love me. and its ok. i'd rather be alone than settling for less than i deserve or desire.

I see long years ahead. alone. I know I'll be strong and brave. as ever I have been. i dreamt of my courage...and wept when I realized it brought me nothing, no love. sorrowed when i knew that love was elusive and some elegant lure that would always draw me unto itself. till i became nothing. and all. and always knowing NO ONE would ever relate, understand. the isolation. the need. the desire.

and maybe death will catch me whilst I'm alone and unloved, uncherished.

still....i'd have to admit i lived my life in search of love, serving love, being love, giving love.

even if no one ever truly appreciated that effort. or reciprocated.

rests in peace,
this starryone

Lose Control

You don't remember my name
I don't really care
can we play the game your way?
can I really lose control?

just once in my life
I think it'd be nice
just to lose control--just once
with all the pretty flowers in the dust

Mary had a lamb
his eyes black as coals
if we play very quiet, my lamb
Mary never has to know

just once in my life
I think it'd be nice
just to lose control--just once

~Evanescence

Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Crave my heart and its bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
And I've completely lost myself
And I don't mind
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't have let you
Conquer me completely
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long time coming,
But I feel good

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall,
Pour real life down on me
'Cause I can't hold onto anything this good enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me
'Cause I can't say no

~Evanescence

this is some serious stuff...not a game. not solely YOUR game!

and if you want to mess with my head, or play games with me, with my very life...then i'll just curse you to the Hells. and tell you you can kiss my proverbial ass.

i won't have it. won't bend that way.

and nothing you can do will make me do so. none of your fake enticings will make me move from my stance of my own power.

i'm not a fool, not an innocent, not a piece on a game board.

"I'm gonna let it go"
~Evanescence

feels like the weight of the world
like God in heaven gave me a turn
don't cling to me, I swear I can't fix you
still in the dark, can you fix me?

freefall, freefall, all through life

If You love me, then let go of me
I won't be held down by who I used to be
she's nothing to me

feels like the weight of the world
like all my screaming has gone unheard

and, oh, I know you don't believe in me
safe in the dark, how can you see?

freefall, freefall, all through life

If you love me, then let go of me
I won't be held down by who I used to be

If you love me, then let go of me
I won't be held down by who I used to be

~Evanescence

i don't want to be here anymore.

all changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life because we can enter another." ~ Anatole France

Spanish Doll

This place feels so unfamiliar
And yet I know it well
I think I used to belong here
But the only way I can tell
Is that I miss you still
And I cannot find you here
You left me tattered and torn
Just like that Sweet Spanish doll

(Sweet Spanish...Sweet Spanish...) doll

I went down to the alley way
(Sierra la Bonita)
And found that you were gone
Spanish doll: si nunca te fueras (if you would never leave)
You left no word no message
I still don't know
Exactly what went wrong
Spanish doll: l?imas (tears)
But now no matter where I go
I always seem to return
Spanish doll: b?e (find me)
To where you left me tattered and torn
Spanish doll: yo estoy rompido mi mu? (I am torn
my sweet doll)
Just like that sweet Spanish doll

(Sweet spanish...Sweet Spanish doll)

A memory guilded in red and gold
Spanish doll: del oro (of gold)
Beauty guarded and never sold
Spanish doll: cu?me (protect me)
I keep it with me wherever I go
And I love you still
Spanish doll: Recu?ame (remember me)
No matter how a story will unfold
You know I always will
Spanish doll: Resc?me (Rescue Me)
Have part of you here
In this souvenir
(Spanish doll)

A stranger in this world without you
Is all that I can ever be
All I know that's pure and clear
You left it with me here
In this souvenir
Spanish... [fading]
Spanish...
Spanish...
...Doll

MAN:
And here is father and lovely daughter, shot down in her
mistaken flight...

(Sweet Spanish...Sweet)

MAN:
....unaware yet how her life will be
affected by this...experience.

(Sweet...Sweet...)

GIRL:
Mommy, how come you cry?

MAN:
While what was really happened was in the years of her childhood...

(Sweet Spanish...Sweet)

MAN:
Perhaps that is where the real story is: in her family house.

GIRL:
How come it's a house of leaves?

(Sweet Spanish...Sweet Spanish)

GIRL:
How come it's a house of leaves?

Spanish doll: Recu?ame

(Applause)

~Poe

on to Ralph Vaughan Williams' Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis *swoons*

now listening to........

Mahler's Symphony #1

so sublime? :)

and the memories fall upon me, cascading...the richness and utter beauty of the waters...

when you are a partner upon a boat you learn its moves, its sounds, its smells...you become intimate with it...and you move as one upon the waves

and when you are one the magic begins...for you hold the ropes in your hands and feel the water...your legs adapt and move with each motion, your eyes rise to the horizon and you scan all around you ~~ wide, open, aware, free, never taking anything for granted, respecting the power below and above you. the wind whips your hair and lays kisses of salt upon your eyelashes, each pore open to what it gives and you absorb it in and then come home smelling of its essence. and take joy in such a seemingly simple aroma.

the boat makes noises...talking to you...and you listen...for out there you always listen to everything...and the vastness causes you to listen within....and then you hear so much more, more than you ever expected.

the water makes sounds....speaking with you...and you listen...because it soothes and teaches and opens you further to what you already are in your heart and soul...sometimes surprising in what it brings you...and you smile all the time there because you're helpless before what is so grand and terrible and your own heart staring back at you.

the wind sings to you...each movement a caress...and you lean into it like a lover...you crave its next movement...you desire its song...because it lifts you out of yourself and brings you to heights where you can finally See....

ahhh...upon the waters at night....if the water gifts you stillness, then the boat only moves slightly...and the noises become sighs....and the salt ever lingers upon the air...and you sleep the most peaceful sleep.

but the waters can be a stern taskmaster....whipping into frenzies of power we cannot ere overcome...and we can only come to do our best...working with the boat as closely as a lover, working with the movements of water and wind....for there, upon the water, is ever its ally and enemy, the wind. and you struggle and burn...and you do your best...and pray that water and wind will be your salvation not your destruction. and if not the water, the sun...ah...from another direction comes such testing, such brightness.

dawn comes...and the sun comes over the horizon and you wake, sleepy still...but still in tune with the water and the boat...and the salt still stings your eyes..and you think of coffee and a hearty breakfast to keep you strong through the day. you brush back your hair, and eye the horizon, as ever watchful you should be. clouds scudding overhead, fish dancing below, raising anchor and moving onwards to your next desire.

you kiss the beloved, and ensure all is well...and you praise the heavens and the waters and the winds for one more night of survival upon such a place...and you talk to the boat and tell her she's been a lovely lady and would she carry us onwards....and so you move with the currents...

and your joy is so intense you can only smile over and over....and the wind kisses you with salt and the waves carry your joy unto the universe and the heavens above....

~thestarryone
soul ever upon the waters...under the sun and moon and stars, feeling the winds...one with the boat...
brushes her hair back and eyes the horizon....

side note: copying and pasting here is a pain in the tush...so excuse formatting weirdness

Fragments Of Faith

It's not the way to cross the faith
The promise has been broken
My disease, everlasting
Let me bleed forever
I have to wait
Come and get me
Lost in here, I'm nothing
Tie my hands
Let me feel alive one more time

Where is the pain?
Somewhere down

Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?
Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?

My halo fades
Sin is calling
The promise has been stolen
My disease, everlasting
Let me dream forever
My soul to take
Come and get it
Lost in here, I'm nothing
Tie my hands
Let me feel alive one more time

Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?
Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?

Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?
Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?

Never let it go.

Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?
Can you feel it?
Don't you know there is no time?

~Lacuna Coil - Karmacode

there is no wave I cannot ride
no stream I cannot ford
no mountain I cannot climb
no cave that can blind me
no fire who's flame can burn
no tear too hot to shed
no whisper of need I cannot feel
no obstacle that will bar my way
to knowing all of life
in its mystery and awe
joy and pain
giving and taking
till I reach the ultimate goal
only to discover
that I have always been there
and to find your heart
is to find your home

~thestarryone
(c) 3/10/95

answers to some common questions:

1. no, i have no Master, nor am i committed to anyone at this time.

2. i'm a fairly newbie sort of sub. i didn't discover being a sub till late in my life, and my experience in real life is minimal, though my online experience is more extensive. but my vision is true and clear.

3. the concept of "formal" training makes me shudder. i'm not a dog or a rat after all!!

4. i'm not a weakling. i can change my own oil, lift a 50-lb bale of hay, know what a torque converter is, read the schematics to wire a car, manage my own staff at work, and had my own separate spelling test in third grade. in other words, i'm not an imbecile and don't need a man to fulfill myself, though that sub side of myself still desires a dominant man. go figure! ;)

reiterations and additions:

i'm not "into" younger or older men
i like tall men
overweight? just won't do
i like men with hair
i admire men who know what the word hygiene means
i don't want to be patronized nor negated in any way
i'm a light sleeper so if You snore that will create probs

so there ya go
take it or leave it

ok, ok...so i'm feeling a bit feisty this evening. just the storm before the calm. i do have to be at work early in the morn.? :)

~the irreverent and incorrigible starry one

Touch me, please
See the wild woman laying in wait
The little girl holding the daffodil
The queen of purest royalty
The glorious goddess within.

Reach deep into my soul
Feeling the prism of emotions
Explore the richness there
And seek to understand.

I will give all to you
For that one moment
Of realization in your eyes
For that instant
Of Oneness that kisses my heart.

Please, one touch
And the woman-child,
The queen on her throne,
The goddess in the sky,
Is yours.

~thestarryone
? 1/5/97

now listening to Flaw -- Recognize "the reflection must get clearer"

"Face And Ghost (The Children's Song)"

you got it bad
you got it good
you saw the sun
like you knew that you would
we gotta make this better
gotta make this right
ain't no peace in the valley baby
'til the darkness turns to light

can you hear that children's song?
can you take me to that place?
high above the lamentation up on the desert plane
do you hear that children's song?
can you take me there?

lost in the maya
overboard in the sea
there was void and then that water broke
then something called "me"
now a trip to the desert to look at the sky
it's like never-ending mirrors
playing tricks on my eyes

can you hear that children's song?
can you take me to that place?
high above the lamentation up on the desert plane
do you hear that children's song?
can you take me there?

the face and ghost my guide
i must move on
it's the face of one ravaged by love
it's both dead and alive

you got it bad lover
no you got it good
you saw the sun
like you knew that you would
in spite of my confusion
up above all my pain
I gotta death-grip on this vision
here we go again

the face and ghost my guide
i must move on
it's the face of one ravaged by love
it's both dead and alive

sha la la la la la la
sha la la la la la la
sha la la la la la la
can you hear them singin'?
can you hear them singin'?

~Live

i suppose i should write what i've always sought in a MAN, that elusive dream of mine that haunts me. keep it all out in the open and true.? i'll just list some traits in random order as they arise in my thoughts.

strong, loving, capable, confident, intelligent (and knows how to spell) *g*,? down-to-earth and not snobby, loyal, affectionate, warm, wide range of interests, engaging conversationist, honest, true to his Self, eager to keep learning and growing, spiritual in some way shape or form, tolerant, open, witty with a fun sense of humor, young at heart.

firm as a Dom but not a Hitler in disguise (nor do i desire to be beaten to a pulp to "prove" anything--i'll lift You to the heavens if You don't bring me down to Hell, respectful of the fact that i am my own self with my own thoughts, beliefs and ways of being, listens and communicates, takes me in hand but doesn't break me, loves me without boundaries, holds me as a most precious woman without compare.? :)

so i'm an idealist, not something i can be sued for. *lol* i see the vision as a reality within my mind.

"Hope seize the invisible
achieves the impossible
if you look up, there are no limits" ~ Lacuna Coil (from Karmacode)

style="font-family: verdana,arial,helvetica,sans-serif; color: rgb(0, 0, 51);">ardently aching to touch you
I barely breathe in this body
seeking control, cursed control
of drenching desires drowning me
endless, excited to the edge of ecstasy--
engulfed in love's eager energy
I fall back in one fell swoop
feasting upon your face
groaning at such a glimpse
of heavens high beyond me
ice, icing to an inveterate incandescent burning
jeweled flames deep within--
judge and jury
journey keeping its quickening pace
kaleidoscope kindles further with
kisses of luscious languidness on my lips
the livid lake of my loins' lasciviousness
moaning at a madness moving--
made manifest in one mere moment
nearer it comes, nascent netherworld needing
what you open, open oh fullest--
thine onyx obelisk
pulsating in purest passion's power
I quest for more, control quiescent
as you rush into me, a roaring river of rapids--
redolent, raging, ringing
oh so succulent sensuous song
searing, succumbing to
tumultuous tremblings
my tower fallen to the turbulence--
undone, unmade
urgently upheld ultimately by thine arms
voracious in their voluptuous violence
as I wantonly writhe below you--
wild past all walls
womanhood widening wholly
a whirlpool without end
an exchange upon the world's exigent axis
yielding unto you, mine Self
a yearning you've zealously
capably brought unto my arena
of ardently aching to touch you.

~thestarryone
(c) 8/19/02

puts on Dr. Jeffrey Thompson's Awakened Mind System 2.0 and lies on the bed in silence........waiting, dreaming

The Wall

I'm woven in a fantasy
I can't believe the things I see
The path that I have chosen now
Has led me to a wall
and with each passing day I feel a little more like something dear was lost
It rises now before me,
A dark and silent barrier between,
All I am, and all that I would ever want to be
It's just a travesty,
towering, marking off the boundaries my spirit
would erase
To pass beyond is what I seek
I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few who've seen it through
To glimpse the other side,
The promised land is waiting like a maiden that is soon to be a bride
The moment is a masterpiece
The weight of indecision's in the air
It's standing there, the symbol of the sum of all's that me
It's just a travesty,
Towering, blocking out the light and blinding me
I want to see
Gold and diamonds cast a spell,
It's not for me I know it well
The riches that I seek
Are waiting on the other side
There's more that I can measure in the treasures of the love that I can find
And though it's always been with me,
I must tear down the wall and let it be
All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
Shining true and smiling back at all who wait to cross
There is no loss.

~Kansas

its not a "lifestyle"....its a LIFE. mental, spiritual, emotional, physical all in balance, flowing moment to moment, moving beyond time and space, adapting, changing, growing, growing beyond simple boxes, expanding....witnessing the glory of the Void and revelling in it. the manifest becoming the unmanifest. the discovery of the true Self. the discovery of the Oneness.

puts on some Amethystium--the Aphelion cd, and grabs her book for some reading (Sorceress of Darshiva: Book Four of the Mallorean by David Eddings) before heading to sleep....

more tidbits ~

i like tall men, i sing in the car, i listen to alternative music and all sorts of music since that's a GREAT passion of mine and comes from my bloodline (i've been known to lock myself into my room and listen to a Mahler or Beethoven symphony over and over studying the parts of the individual instruments), i'm also an avid reader...so if i'm reading and i don't respond to someone talking to me, just gently nudge me to get my attention *s*, i like jewelry (especially like my collar ring that rests on my right index finger), whitewater canoeing, fishing, and airplanes are almost as good as sex *lol*, i dislike lies, i prefer my coffee with amaretto creamer, i get my nails done in all sorts of odd designs which always mean something to me, i have blonde streaks in my dark hair (one of my simple symbols of non-conformity to the masses),? i like baking, one day i want to learn stained glass, on occasion i've been seen dancing with my son to awesome Puerto Rican salsa in the backyard.? ;)

now listening to: Feel the Quiet River Rage by LIVE

The Ichor of Stars

wherein I dissolve
protoplasm
ectoplasm

at this point...does it matter?

I am in form
of some sort

for now

star-cells running riot
in a frenzy of frenetic idealism
hope, love, joy
a human, being, in some form
honing being, hoarding experience
potter's hands the mystery incarnate

an ichor I cannot wrap myself around
that star-stuff
because I am so cocooned within it

an ichor I drown in moment to moment
that bliss
because I am enfolded in rose petals

drink from me
as I drink from you
what shall we discover?

that blood
of the ichor of stars
that life
of the whole panoply of stars
that deep starry road
of the racing dimension of aching
desire

that
one
look
between us

when we came to know
past our emptiness

I came to acknowledge
past my shadow

that the ichor

was

Life.

Our Life.
no matter its form.

....whispering...it was just a dream
but the hope ever resides.

~the starry one
(c) 8/17/07

Your Shadow

Shadow
Illuminate your soul

Illuminate your soul
Expose the shade
Liquefy your heart
Drown the pain

Fairylight of love
Fades away
The trifle above
Your Shadow

I can never see your
Shadow at night
I can never feel your
Shadow real tight
Only see your shadow
Down down drown

Illuminate your soul
Expose the shade
Liquefy your heart
Drown the pain

Colour your eyes
Blue Indigo for the lies
Cover your life with
The shadow of your eyes

Illuminate your face
Expose the shade

Your Shadow

I can never see your
Shadow at night
I can never feel your
Shadow real tight
Only see your shadow
Down down drown

I would fade away
Like a Red Flower
I would fade away
Like a Red Flower
I would fade away
Like a Red Flower
I would fade away

~Lunascape

Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train. Out the windows we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hillsides, of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering--waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.

"When we reach the station, that will be it!" we cry. "When I'm 18." "When I buy a new 450 SL Mercedes Benz!" "When I put the last kid through college." "When I have paid off the mortgage!" "When I get a promotion." "When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after!"

Sooner or later we must realize there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.

It isn't the burdens of today that drive us mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.

~Robert Hastings~

XVIII--The Rainbow

As I sat in the shelter of the forest glade, my eye caught the
multi-coloured gleam of diamonds. I looked again; the Sun rays were playing upon the dew which clung to a little curved twig.

It seemed like a tiny rainbow of promise.
Then, while I watched in wonder, a small grey spider bridged the arch of the bow with his silken thread.

Ah! My Beloved, thus, too, hath the Spider of Destiny woven his
silken rope from extreme to extreme of the Great Rainbow of Promise.

Fate hath fitted me as an Arrow to the String of Destiny in the bow of the Sun.

But Whose Hand shall draw that Mighty Bow, O Beloved, and send me upon fleet wings to my resting place within Thine Heart?

~ from Hymns to the Star Goddess by Frater Achad

"we all carry a piece of star around inside our body which is us and it yearns to be free and soar above the clouds, where it dissipates and dies merging once again with everything and becoming nothing" ~ the nagual GreyOwl

tidbits ~

i hang out in AncientWorlds online with multiple characters that allow me to express various facets of myself *grin*. i like tall and lean men, those around my age. i write poetry as time and the muse allow. when i was young i took fencing, ballet and clarinet lessons. and i was a Girl Scout patrol leader.

i've met an actual real-live Prince...Prince Sihanouk. i've rubbed shoulders and drank Harvey's Bristol Cream with senators. i attended a vice presidential inaugural ball. i've made friends with recovering drug addicts. i took a vietnam vet who had cut himself all up to a hospital.

i've been to Bermuda, Montreal, the Virgin Islands and? Puerto Rico (where i was born), and most of the US. but i really want to go to Wales and spend the night in a castle.? :)

with me, what you see is what you get, and more so, probably more so than most men prefer *laughs*...but i hold to my truth with honor and integrity. and i love the simple and down-to-earth, yet complex and sophisticated soul i am.

oh, and i have two tattoos on my forearms by each wrist that are deeply spiritual in nature and reflect my intense connection to the Divine. for those who are curious my spiritual path is a combination of esoteric Christianity/pagan/qabalist.

"perception is in the eye of the beholder"

so much we have
yet never enough--
undimmed, we glisten rosy dew
unspent, we desire caresses familiar
from long ago, the evening past
we would delve deep into
locked secrets, forbidden passions
shifting dream to a moment
singularly real, perfectly realized

blood burns fiery flames, flamboyant
soul sets to the airy skies, splendiferous
the conflagration grand, utterly eloquent
the gift asked for and received
long awaited, long sought

oh darling, we did so ask it of Her
and she answered with treasures unmeasured

cherish close, arms entwined ever
touch soft, hearts infolded always

so much we have
yet never enough--
oh never enough...

~the starry one
3/4/04

i wonder just how many opportunities we've missed along the way; then again some meetings won't sprout our desire...which is ok........gotta be flexible in life. sometimes the opp isn't about D/s or collaring or sex...sometimes its deep friendship...or a moment of compassion..........or mom and dad taking care of their kids...or some friendship that breaks all bounds, and sometimes you're just in some funky situation and the Divine intervenes (or yer boss!). i didn't ask to be a sub, though i do recall volunteering to be love here *sigh* i didn't ask for wings, they were already mine. i didn't realize folks would want to cut them. i guess i just didnt' realize how hard LOVE would be here............

"we'll take our hearts outside...leave our lives behind...i watch the stars go out..." ~? Stars--Lacuna Coil

i am going to try not to cry myself to sleep tonight. those sorrows are just part of the human condition...a condition i accepted when i arrived here. the limits, the freedom. the world moves in its own way, and i try to fit in. dreams move to their own agendas, and i'm drawn in. (though if i have another umpteenth dream of nuclear war here? on earth i'm gonna lose it! there aren't any words to explain how i experience that)...i should go to sleep...cos the disconnect continues....between Him and i. there's only the dreamtime, the wishing, the desire, the whole being that doesn't manifest, some wishy-washy stuff going on in the background of our lives....but i still find i cannot kneel. because He is not here. not part of me, not part of my life. and i'll never again settle for less than i deserve. ever dost the Queen require her King, no Empress rules without an Emperor...the balance, the giving and taking, the acknowledgement of respect.? *ponders* did i say all that? is that where my mind and heart reside? if so, i feel so doomed....alone.

the Milky Way ~ estimated # of galaxies: 100 billion; estimated # of stars: 5 billion trillion; estimated # of planets: very uncertain (perhaps trillions); estimated age of the universe: 14-16 billion years; universe's evolutionary destiny: continued expansion, perhaps forever, (or perhaps an inward spiral into the beginnings of another Big Bang....the in-breath and out-breath of the Divine). does this negate our seemingly "petty" concerns? does it minimize our humanity? our hopes? our dreams? our desires? no....it just hopefully makes us aware of the larger playing field. we aren't alone, the odds are SO against it. and, we're just hanging out in ONE galaxy (hehe, and on an outer arm of it, not at the center; sorry humans...we aren't the center nor the be-all and end-all of the universe!)....i wonder what's going on all around us that we never see, never experience, never know of? how very cool.............and humbling and gracious and freakin' awesome.?? --- stats come from the book Nightwatch: A Practical Guide to Viewing the Universe by Terence Dickinson

currently listening to Dr. Jeffrey Thompson's Awakened Mind System 2.0 cd.....so very cool (then again ALL his work is awesome and incredible). hint: best to listen with headphones, you'll feel the music all throughout your body.

i can't remember if the journals here allow html or not. perhaps some kind soul will let me know. cos i hate posting my poetry all jumbled up into one paragraph and thought i'd share some recent stuff here.

***Sumerians called Regulus the "Star of the King", it resides in the constellation Leo***

i'm sad this eve...been having intense dreams about Doms, about my silent desires that no one knows of...i almost hate it, and yet i still move into that secret part of me...even knowing it will bring me to tears.

but i'm not hard-core bdsm, not hard-core anything, knowing that we're all unique...i think this makes it much more difficult for me, not to mention my spiritual path, one that has no labels. *s* how perfect for an Aquarian. but how would another allow that without judgment?

hmmm, and not sure i need controlling, given that i control myself so strictly now *grin*

*deep breath*

its like a glimpse in your peripheral vision--ya kinda thought you saw something but you aren't sure, or a dream you recall vividly but hold no details of, something you thought happened or wished for or might be in some misty future. not a game, not a scene, not selfish, nor self-centered, not solely other-directed, not full of hate and anger...something incredibly loving, compassionate, firm, honest, courageous, bold, thoughtful, spiritual, emotional, physical, viable, shifting, true...

truth. O/ur truth.

not sure why i'm back....*sigh*...missing something, something so precious

TheEnglishDom Male Dominant, 59, NJ / NY / London, New Jersey	TheMasterCalls Male Dominant, 51, Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania	Thea Female Dominant, 33	themonk1 Male Dominant, 43, Westboro, Massachusetts
thebandersnatc Male Dominant, 39, Westchester/NYC, New York	therecruit Male Switch, 30, kissimmee, Florida	TheOne Male Submissive, 26, Dubai	TheMaster Male Switch, 27, Northern Ireland
THESINNER Male Dominant, 52, las vegas, Nevada	thegbmaster Male Dominant, 48, London	thepisceanlove Male Dominant, 30, Mumbai	TheGoddess Female Dominant, 23

thestarryone

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