I don't know how I'm feeling. You ordered me to write how I felt, yet I'm at a loss. Since the 'evaluation', I feel I was drained of my energy, I slumped back in my seat, and was just staring at the screen confused, answering messages like a robot.

I can't say how I feel, I can't write a nice text about it... I'll just string some emotions together and hope it makes sense cause they're the ones I'm feeling. My ego took a hit, earlier I was playful and now I'm shy. I'm at a bit of a loss... I feel self conscious about every detail of myself... and ashamed that they are not up to par. I take a lot of time writing each sentence. I don't know if I should be angry, but if I was frustrated it's at myself, because I feel aroused, and that is ridiculous. Instead of making me dislike you and want to distance myself, it made me feel like sticking around in a pathetic way for this kind of debased arousal, that's how I feel.

I had to go to VS again today. I was anticipating it, and really did not do much in the morning because I was thinking about it too hard. Well, actually trying not to think about it, which was even harder, I was trying to block out all the possibilities of what could happen.

I put on a gray and black form fitting dress. It's classy, good looking, and more importantly not ridiculous. I also put on a black thong, and bra, and a pair of sandals. I grabbed my purse, sunglasses, and put a marker in my purse as well, a black sharpie

I went to VS and was greeted by some employee about the 'Swim Sale' or something like that but really at that point I was too nervous to care about what she was saying, I looked around a bit and she asked me if I needed help, so I asked for Lamia. She immediately went in the back and then Lamia came out a bit later and asked if she could help me. I told her I was the girl from yesterday and I thanked her for her help yesterday. She took a moment to register but then said in a  big revelation 'ohhhyeahhh, 2 bras 2 undies'. And asked me how I was, I could barely look at her in the face at that point, I could tell she was holding back laughter. She asked if I wanted her to go get the employee that actually helped me buy  the stuff yesterday but I said no that I came for her help, which really confused her at first

I got her to take my measurements, and it was done in some cheap room, well for my standards of Victoria's Secret anyway. I thought it'd be much fancier, and I kind of expected the process to be more professional than taking a band and wrapping it around me at different angles... she asked me what I wanted and I said maybe a full white set, and she brought in panties, bra, garter... I was a 38D, I asked for a size smaller and a smaller thong as well, she didn't understand at first. I could barely talk clearly at this point, and asking the question was torture... She came back with smaller stuff, which wasn't too comfortable, and also too expensive to buy for something that didn't fit, but she pretended not to find it funny I think as I wore those. She told me to wait while she was taking some notes on a small paper. I felt so dumb, really, I was thinking teleporting back home to my bed would be best, and it was too tight, the last thing I wanted was to get wet, I just wanted out

Lamia left and came back later for the 'second opinion' from someone else, which was supposed to be standard. That was the same girl from yesterday that helped me, Lamia was asking her what she thought of the undies, that were overly tight. And was making obvious gestures to her friend and even giggled unprofessionally. The girl recognized me as well and was really uncomfortable I think, she just said it looked 'pretty good' without even taking measures or trying to put her hand behind the strap of the bra as Lamia did before to test the fit, and left. So Lamia told me 'well there you go, pretty good it is'

I told her I wasn't buying it today, perhaps another time, and Lamia just said 'oh well poor girlfriend' in such a mocking tone, I think... maybe I was paranoid. I remembered and took my purse before dressing back and told her to wait and write 'Lovely' on my back because I was supposed to have it there and I couldn't reach myself, and handed her a marker. I remember my hands were really shaky I was so ashamed at handing the marker to her and trying tos steady my hand. She was really shocked, I think, but smiled and told me to turn around and she wrote on me

Then she asked me if there was anything else and I said no and she left pretty quickly... and I got to my car, stayed in it for like 15 minutes without doing anything but breathe.. then I tried to lower my face to the window and try to see if a person passed by how low he could see in my car, i even tried to measure by putting a hand to my legs and moving it to the window to see how tall it would have to be... i was ashamed, but I put my hands between my legs and tried masturbating a bit to soothe myself.. but it was too hard to do that while looking around and in my mirrors to make sure no one was close.. so  I stopped and drove back home... at home, i changed, checked my back, and saw that instead of 'Lovely', she wrote 'Lovely's', and under that, in smaller, she wrote a phone number

Today I wore a white tanktop, something I'd never wear without a vest or another piece with it. I wrote two bras, a red one and a black one. It was tight, a bit uncomfortable, it made me cleavage press and bulge weirdly, and it was kind of obvious that it was a red bra overlaid with a black one, and not just one bra. I wore black leggings, semi-sheer, and had 2 thongs underneath it. One of them was red, and the other one was black with pink straps, which was pulled up so that the straps were pulled out and in plain view, which made that whole thong rise and showed the red thong underneath. It was really ridiculous. 2 underwear, but a very clear view of my butt because of the leggings. I was wondering if it was even OK to wear outfits like this outside. I wore black heels with everything, which just displayed my butt even more, and finally completed the whole thing with a purse and a pair of ray bans.

I couldn't even walk straight in that outfit I was too ashamed of myself. I looked like a living sex doll, but a ridiculous one that couldn't wear proper stuff. I had to check online for the closest Victoria Secret because I was sure there was none at  my usual mall. I found it at a mall off the highway, took the car keys without telling mom, and drove off, calling her later to let her know I had the car. I couldn't have her see me like this.

I arrived at the mall, circled in a few times in my car hoping that the VS was on the outskirt, and that I wouldn't have to walk inside the mall, but was wrong, so I circled for a bit more until a parking spot near a door freed itself up, I took it, parked, and went inside.

I felt ALL EYES on me, it was like a bad dream, I was so embarrssed, so humiliated, I felt everyone looking, many times. Just walking in a little bit more there was a sushi place where people sat and there were 2 guys and on of them walked up to me and said 'hey I like the outfit' and I wanted to punch him but I just smiled like some bimbo idiot, thanked him, and let him continuetalking to me. It was so lame, he was like interviewing me or something, asking me questions after questions. If you pick up a girl  trying to ask questions like that, you're stupid. But I smiled and pretended to care and felt his friend behind looking at us, texting stuff......... and when asked for my number I said I couldnt and I just left.

I made my way to the VS in shame, and inside, just found a pretty employee and asked her to show me to thongs. If she was curious about my outfit she did a damn good job hiding it, I'm really really impressed at her for just that. I picked up 4 thongs.... a white one, a purple+blue one, a pink one, and a green one. Then we went to pay and I asked her like an idiot what she thought of every aspect of my outfit. SHe was stunned, she bit her lip, I felt like some kind of stupid entertainment. She couldn't answer, she called her friend over, another employee, and pointed at me and asked her what she thought of my outfit. The friend asked me if I lost a bet, I said not really... and the first girl told her she was being mean and they laughed, then my saleswoman managed to stay semi serious and said 'no but seriously it's sexy, you're sexy like that, I think the double bra is a bit special but we see stuff every day'.... the other just laughed turning around to pretend to do other stuff, I just took my stuff and left so fast.

I think a group of guy whistled and called to come here or something but taht was way dangerous and i was on the verge of breaking down so i just hurried to my car, hurried home, task completed like a good bitch... snuck inside and changed.

Mommy,

I took off the panties when you left, and then it was only a few minutes before 11:00, so I made my way to the washroom to play with myself for three minutes. My thoughts were all over the place, it is a private washroom, so that helped, but this is still my office, and I had trouble accepting that I was letting you do this to me. It was a struggle, I kept wishing I was able to simply drop everything, but it wasn't really what I wanted. Playing with myself felt almost normal and automatic with my head wrapped up in all those thoughts, and 3 minutes passed, I cleaned up and went back to my office, took a marker, wrote Lovely's slut on my leg, under the skirt, which felt completely subhuman, and then waited. 3 minutes in an hour is nothing, but the apprehension lasts more than 3 minutes, as time passes and you know it is coming. At 12 I went there again. Played with myself again, and again, I stopped after 3 minutes, ashamed, angry at myself, and frustrated at the idea that if I was to degrade myself to this level, I should at least have 10 minutes and an orgasm as a reward. It was time for lunch afterwards, and my mind simply wasn't really there when I ate, I was aroused, confused, angry at myself. I came back and it was already 1:00, so I had to go play with myself once again, I felt like some kind of programmed robot, or a puppet with someone pulling my strings. I tried to stop thinking, but I felt so much shame and arousal that it was difficult to. I'm not sure how it got to this point, but I still have one more of those to do in 54 minutes, and I will be waiting for it.