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ADomDoc
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texguy
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| I've removed what was originally here because a lot has happened over the last three years in my life and I find I'm no longer the same person that I was when I opened a profile here. While I believe in D/s, BDSM as a fun activity that can be shared by two consenting adults, I now believe that this kind of intensity that involves physical and emotional intimacy, should only be shared by a couple who are in a permanent relationship, who are married until death do they part.
Based upon most who make up the patrons of this site, I don't think my perspective is going to be very popular and that's all right, because it's mine. I also no longer believe in D/s as a lifestyle and prefer to be an equal partner with my spouse, as I now believe that it takes both perspectives to maintain a marriage properly and do it the justice it deserves. I don't feel that one must be subservient to the other, except perhaps as it thrills the couple within the bedroom, or the occasional playing around out of the bedroom. I don't have the time to make my future husband into my twenty four hour slave, nor will I desire to be my husband's 24 hour slave/submissive.
I'm not a promiscuous individual and never was even when I was into the lifestyle, but now I'm no longer into a variety of things that I might have considered acceptable in the past.
I desire a real time Christian partner who walks the talk and makes God and belief in Jesus Christ as Savior a daily part of their life. Again, I doubt I'll find what I'm looking for here, but should you be a Christian dominant, switch, or submissive who attends church some, and believes in waiting until marriage for sexual intimacy/play, write by all means.
I'm only leaving my profile here due to occasional intrigue with the forums and a desire to share what I've learned over the years as a submissive. I'm very protective of my former submissive sisters and never want to see a single one of them harmed emotionally or physically, or taken advantage of by the many kink-loving dominants out there that are primarily only interested in free and easy sex with a vulnerable, submissive woman.
When I was involved in this lifestyle, I was a submissive, but now if I had to label myself, I would call myself a Christian switch, who is interested in one who does not subscribe to labels, who does not demand that I fit into a proverbial box -- because I don't.
I still like to stay in touch with friends and welcome "hellos," and well wishes, as I'm primarily seeking a mate now on vanilla sites. God bless you all - each and every single one of you, and know that I pray for all of you -- though I may not know your name. You will always hold a special place within my heart.
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Happy Valentines Day to everyone here who is still seekin and those who are not. I've been preoccupied with so many things, as most of us are in this economy.
I'm finding myself getting quite used to being by myself and enjoying it in many respects, but I do miss having a special friend to do fun things with like movies, dinner, long walks, etc.
I am looking for far more than fwb's or the temporary though, and often those on this site dwell on anything but serious ltr's. If you are the exception to the rule, write me.
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I know exactly who and what I'm looking for and have outlined it well in my profile. So, there is little else to do but wait until he or she shows up, though I am more than assertive enough to express my interest if I happen to stumble upon this elusive creature first. Now, in terms of visa versa, I can only hope that if you think I am the person you seek, that you are assertive enough to do the same..
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There will always be naysayers who walk among us. These are people who rain on your parade. They are fond of telling you why something just can't work out, or what's wrong with your particular plan, etc. When someone else's life is pretty miserable, they can't stand seeing yours turn out all right and they don't like positivity either..
Still, there is something to be said for kindness, and a desire to be of service -- to be helpful to others.
Random acts of kindness make you glow. Pretty is as pretty does.
THE STARFISH STORY
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”
The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”
“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”I made a difference for that one.” |
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About three weeks ago I broke my engagement. I've thought I would dislike and resent him forever. Interestingly, there is the possibility of my moving on but still keeping him as a friend. He's willing to be a friend into the future and even be there as a "Mr Fix it" in the event I'm in need of some never ending repairs, which considering my business as a landlord, that is a distinct and definite possibility. He said that he would make himself available to fix anything that broke for a reasonable cost and he assured my little girl that he planned to stay in touch and would always care about her and me as close friends of his. She is very relieved as she has been very fond of him. So am I, I suppose.
I think sometimes when you can't have what you want, you must learn to accept what you can have and what's best for everyone involved. He and I are not compatible but we've been extremely close, passionate, and protective of one another for two years now. I think it's very difficult to get over the blow to the ego when a relationship doesn't work out but it makes sense that since this person was deeply loved at one time, why could they not eventually become a friend? I don't think we'll rush into a close friendship, of course, because a separation needs to occur in order for healthy closure and detachment to take place, but I'm glad to know that we can still care about one another in some way, even if it isn't what I had hoped it would be. Time will heal the wounds and one day we'll have the friendship to look forward to.
On another note, I called a seriously long term friendship that has been a friendship for eight years, quits for good this evening. Again and again I've found myself being treated badly by this particular individual. Again and again I've forgiven, attempted to forget, and tried to work things out over and over because I valued the friendship deeply. It's been really clear though that this person hasn't valued the friendship as I have. I kept hoping that time might change that but it seems as if it isn't going to.
I am there for my real friends and am very loyal. I'll listen to them gripe, whine, cry, scream, ...whatever. All I ask is that they do the same in return and that the relationship not be a superficial, meaningless thing. I just don't have the time for meaningless chatter. I value depth and being able to be my complete self with another, friend or lover. I thought I could trust and count on this person but I've seen for the last time that I cannot. I think I can accept this now and move away from this, permanently. It hasn't been working and likely never will. Still, it's hard to say goodbye to a friend that really wasn't a true friend at all. It's hard to step away and let that person go. It's as painful as the loss of a lover in many ways.
I'm learning to value myself first and foremost, however, and to do what is healthy for myself and my child. I want people who really care in my inner circle and these people should be healthy for me to have around. They most definitely need to value what we share with one another. It becomes quite evident when one does not and then it's time to draw a line, move on, and open the door to make new friendships. It would seem this is a season in my life of endings and new beginnings. It's a time of separating what counts from what doesn't, and determining what is good for me, what's tolerable, and what isn't working at all. I don't know what's going to happen next but I'm open to the experience as long as it's healthy and beneficial in one way or another.
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I officially broke off my engagement a few days ago but it was long overdue. It probably should have been canceled about nine months ago, but sometimes it takes time for me to realize when I'm swimming upstream and basically getting nowhere fast. Anyway, I've learned a lot from this two year interlude in my life and it has kept me well occupied and out of this lifestyle, amazingly. It feels strange to be reactivating my profile here as I'm not sure what I'll do with someone interesting if I happen to find him or her, but I bet that in the excitement of it all, I'll figure it out ;-) |
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| Age: 34 |
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California |
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