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Male Dominant, 59, NJ / NY / London, New Jersey
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Male Dominant, 32, Ontario
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Male Submissive, 32, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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About TheEnglishGuy
You look outside, here in Southern California, and you can’t help but be reminded of how lucky you are. OK, so I’m English and it’s a little more of a contrast for me but the wake up call to simply enjoy everything we’re being given does have its appeal.
One part of that enjoying things, that I’ve been exploring more of recently, is getting to know a lot of the cool people in the community around me. I’ve been lazily drifting out of things for a while, working on my photography, my guitar playing, exploring Buddhist philosophies, things like that. I’m looking around at how the community has changed, seeing a lot of new faces, with their own fascinating life stories, their own new perspectives on ideas I foolishly thought I understood, and I’m really enjoying getting to know them again.
I’ve been around the community in different parts of the world for years. I started in England in the early to mid 90s when things were massively underground and you’d be lucky to find a munch in any given large city. I co-created, and still run, one of the older BDSM information and advice sites on the net. I placed the one and only collar I’ve ever given sometime last century and that relationship holds true until today. We walked in the SM Pride marches in London when the Spanner Case was still big news. My slave and I founded an amazing munch with even more amazing people back in London when options were still more limited. We were part of TIES in the Twin Cities. We moved to California. We joined Club X for a while. We helped out at the leather tent at Pride in San Diego… In short, it’s been a long journey with incredible people giving so much of themselves to me.
And now, looking around, seeing so many new ideas and perspectives, that spark to listen and learn from them too is re-ignited. If I get to occasionally help out with offering something I’ve learned from my experience, all the better.
It was in that vein that we’ve just started This Is Not A Group – A new “Next Generation of Leather” (and a few other things) munch. San Diego’s older Next Gen munch sadly folded a couple of years back and there has been an expressed need for it ever since. I’ve done a lot of similar things in the past and so it was easy enough for me to try and give something back by helping reincarnate things. From what I’ve seen of those coming so far, we’ve been incredibly blessed with diverse and interesting people giving of their time to attend and making it in to something very cool.
And now you know a little of me, I’m guessing you can already pretty much answer the old question of, “Why are you here on CollarMe?” Simply enough, every new person I meet, who’s kind enough to share a little of who they are, makes the world I’m already lucky enough to inhabit and even richer place. If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, please feel more than welcome to get in touch. |
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A discussion that's come up with a couple of different friends recently:
You know how they give those possessed dolls to teenagers to show them how much effort looking after a baby is, taking care of them, feeding them, giving them attention etc.? The ones that're used to show deluded teenagers who're convinced having a kid would be really cool that, actually, yes they are deluded?
Why don't they make a 24/7 submissive version?
There seem to be a hell of a lot of people out there who're convinced they want 24/7, despite never having tried it and, honestly, not really knowing what it entails.
They need to make a version of the possessed doll just for them so, like a kid discovering they don't really like being a parent before they inflict it on an innocent child, dominants can discover they don't really like 24/7 before they inflict it on someone who's invested so much of their soul in it.
I imagine the first 8 hours would be pretty fun. She's naked, she gives you lots of blowjobs.
The remainder of the first day and, probably the second, are likely pretty fun too. She fetches things, she cleans, she treats you with all the respect you've long thought you've deserved.
By day three, she's finally sufficiently tired of it that she can't keep quiet any longer... If you want to keep her naked, you're going to have to turn off that A/C you so love. It just keeps the place too cold for any normal naked person.
By day five, you're starting to realize your "You must ask me for everything" order may have been a mistake. It was kind of hot to have her ask to use the bathroom the first day. Six times a day, over five days, that's thirty times you've had to deal with a bladder that's just stopped being sexy.
Day six. You're starting to realize that it's unwrapping the treats that's fun, not having them unwrapped all the time. Nudity was cool when it was something new. Now, you'd like a little mystery back please.
Day nine... She's spent the day crying. You can't for the life of you figure out why and she doesn't want to be "bad" for telling you. You get angry at her, she cries even more, you realize you just made it worse.
Day ten. You finally get it out of her. It turns out you disciplined her for something you'd previously told her to do. Apparently slaves like consistency. Who'd have thought it.
Day twelve. You're slowly driving yourself nuts by the self imposed pressure to be consistent. You've given up on the idea a few times but always feel bad when you realize how much you hurt someone who really doesn't deserve it. Still, only two days left before your two week trial's up.
Day thirteen. Argh, the stress. You either have fun, do your own thing, act selfishly and fuck her up thoroughly or you try to be a responsible owner, completely consistent, taking care of her and exhaust yourself. Neither's much fun. The odd blowjob here and there doesn't really cut it anymore. Oh well, only one day left.
Day 14. Well, finally time to put her back in her box and send her back. One final fuck for good measure. It was cool owning a slave and you'll miss her - but damn was it a lot of work. Time to get back on line and maybe ask for a regular play partner who doesn't actually have to be 24/7.
Don't get me wrong, my experiences of 24/7 lifestyle D/s have been amazing. But it's also a hell of a lot of work and the answers I found aren't ones you find after two weeks, two months or even two years. Like anything, a huge amount of work does pay huge dividends. But it is a huge amount of work and I really worry that most of those who think owning a slave means they get to do even less are in for a very rude awakening.
Thus there should be one of those possessed dolls that they get to try their dreams of 24/7 out on before they screw up any real people. Makes sense to me. |
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I seem to be getting a lot of questions about who and what the Old Guard are. I figured most people knew already but I guess it's something that's fading from the collective memory.
I certainly can't claim to be an authority on the subject. Still, if you'd like a rough explanation, ask, and I'll do my best. Those people were to roots of a lot of our community and so worth recognising for that. |
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I made it back to one of the local munches today, for the first time in a long time. A thought struck me:
Respect is a lot like trust.
You can try demanding trust all you like. A few people may even pretend to show it to you. At the end of the day though, no amount of demanding trust will ever really get you any.
The only real way you can gain (or regain) trust is by stopping demanding it and simply leaving it to your actions. If your actions are worthy of trust, those who apportion it fairly will place it in you. If your actions are not, they will not.
The same holds true of respect. It's not something you can demand. I mean, you can try and maybe a few people will be fooled, maybe a few people will fake it to appease you. At the end of the day though, the only way you can really gain it is by stopping demanding it and letting your actions speak one way or the other.
As I looked around the munch, I saw a lot of people dressing up and posturing the part of uber dominants and pefect little submissives. In their dress and posture, these people truly demanded respect.
And thus I realised part of why I'm around those people less and less these days. I enjoy the respect people in my life afford me. But I'd rather let my actions earn it (or, sometimes, fail to) than try demanding it.
Perhaps it's a little less immediately gratifying but I think I prefer it this way. |
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I think Continental must have a thing for me. They clearly want me naked: How else do you explain them losing every single piece of clothing I took to England?
On the positive side, I'm back in California now, digging through mountains of mail, looking bemused at pictures of myself in top hat and tails, and getting back in to the swing of things.
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The wedding went perfectly. The groom cried, my sister looked radiant and everyone enjoyed themselves.
It's weird being back in England though. I grew up here yet it's no longer familiar to me. I guess I've been spoilt by streets wide enough to actually get a car down them, good weather and shops that are actually open at useful times.
I've managed to sort net access here, so I'm around on and off. Everything else'll be back to normal as of Friday. |
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My little sister's getting married this coming Saturday. What this means, for here, is that I'm going to be out of the country, back in England, from 7/20 - 7/28. I'll see you all when I get back. |
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Wow. I've been flattered by the attention I've got this last week. It's refreshing to see everyone breaking through of the traditional "The guy must contact the girl" roles. Well, that, and I am always able to make time for people telling me I look hot. Shallow, me? ;)
More seriously though, it's been great meeting so many cool people. I've been really happy to see there are still a lot of people who can see kink as more than just a chance to hook up and enjoy simply talking. Don't get me wrong, a bit of playful flirting is cool but I'm not one to play with anyone I can't be friends with first.
Well, with that, I'm going to close this off. Time to go and play some more guitar and I'll look forward to hearing from you all soon.
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