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Male Switch, 47, huntington, West Virginia
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Male Dominant, 51, Alexandria, Virginia
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Switch Couple, 45, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
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About TheCourtJester
Hey. I'm sorry, everybody - I'm still here, but will probably only be talking to the people I have already met.
I don't think online partner searching is for me, at least not at this early stage of my life.
Please by all means message me though. I'm still very much interested in (ie. desperate to become involved in) the BDSM scene.
My name is Penn. Or rather - yes, that's the name I use online. I already feel dishonest by using it, but at least I can own up. I chose Penn because I'm a writer; I've been using it as an online pseudonym in relation to writing for a long time. And since I consider writing with somebody to be an incredibly intimate activity... yeah, Penn is me.
Some things I wish for:
- to feel free
- to be proven wrong and shown up
- to cry
- to be helpless
- to be scared
- to be really pushed
But mainly, to find somebody who can take those choices away from me. Somebody who I can trust to take that power from me.
And I want to purely, shamelessly, be used to bring pleasure to another, putting myself as far out there as I can go and trusting that, despite that leap of faith, I won't be allowed to fall.
I believe I have a high understanding of myself, at least for my age, and I am quite sure I am a subbie at heart. For as long as I can remember, I've craved submission and the freedom that comes from it - before I knew what that even meant. Before I even knew what sex was I've had submissive fantasies.
One thing that I think is extremely important to mention on this website, though-
I am pretty damn inexperienced. I had a major depressive episode when I was fourteen, and although I'm almost completely recovered, I missed some things in my life. A whole lot of sexual and romantic experiences, I kind of missed out on, and am only learning these basic lessons now.
I like to challenge myself, and the idea of not being in control, especially of myself, is unbelievably terrifying, but I can think of nothing I want or need more. There's nothing I crave more.
When I have a bad day, I ache inside for the release of somebody else taking control. Somebody helping me to break down as I know I need to sometimes. Somebody to force me to lose myself. To take care of me - harshly or gently as they see fit - and make me accept it, because I'm terrible at being taken care of.
I give a lot of myself and I am driven to please.
There are things I dream of, but it seems it would defeat the purpose of this were I to demand them, so I'll stay quiet for now.
I will only say though - I crave to give my submission, not slavery. Domination, not total Ownership.
Thank you for reading my little introduction to me. =]
-Penn |
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On the interests page, there really should be an option for 'terrified'.
It would explain so much more. Something between 'hate it' and 'curious', you know?
Or just terrified as in scared, because Catholicism terrifies me.
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I seem to be weirdly oversensitive to anything that can be perceived as sexist. I mean, not in an aggressive kind of way, but...
Well, I really, really admire true male subs and true female Dommes. Society has for so long favoured the very opposite (not even going into LGBT issues, because I could go on endlessly about that), and I'm drawn to the things that deviate from the 'norm', even in the BDSM community, which many would consider abnormal unto itself.
I still often feel like, though, simply by being a mostly straight subbie girl, I'm perpetuating an archaic and harmful stereotype. I truly feel that there are so many people in the world who simply do not discover their potential just because of what's expected of them, and I wonder if I'll ever get over myself enough that it'll stop bothering me that I'm not one of those awesome individuals going against the tides.
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