TheCollaredCav


thecommander Male Switch, 47, huntington, West Virginia	TheCoach50 Male Dominant, 51, Alexandria, Virginia	TheCowboyWay Switch Couple, 45, Lancaster, Pennsylvania

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	About TheCollaredCav Thank you Princess Ally :)

Seest thou yon dreary Plain, forlorn and wilde,
The seat of desolation, voyd of light,
Save what the glimmering of these livid flames
Casts pale and dreadful? Thither let us tend
From off the tossing of these fiery waves,
There rest, if any rest can harbour there,
And reassembling our afflicted Powers,
Consult how we may henceforth most offend
Our Enemy, our own loss how repair,
How overcome this dire Calamity,
What reinforcement we may gain from Hope,
If not what resolution from despare.

Sometimes it lasts in love.

Having a lot of success right now and I'm grateful for everyone that's made it possible.

Happy Turkey day Goddess :)

Goddess Erika has the sexiest voice in the world... I love her with all of my heart :D

Goddess Erika is beautiful and gorgeous... a wicked temptress who has ensnared my eyes and enslaved my soul :)? I'm happy to be her little bitch :D

I'm going to dream of Goddess Erika tonight for sure :)? I'm working on a poem to celebrate her greatness, but I want it to be amazing so I may not post it for a couple of days.? Or I might post it tomorrow... I guess it depends on whether inspiration strikes me :)?

Don't know what to put here right now...

I forgot to do a weekly homework assignment for Goddess... I feel terrible about it :(? I'm sorry Goddess... I do feel terrible :( :( :( ... and I miss you :(

I love to eat the pain that Goddess Erika likes to inflict on her little slave-slut.? I miss my Goddess, but hopefully we can work something out so we can see each other soon...

I am becoming accustom to the idea that I am Goddess Erika's slave now and forever.? Being free is inconceivable for I want to be her property and she has been happy to take me under her control.? I look forward to the time we will have in person and wonder to what levels I will be driven in that circumstance.? Goddess has a great appetite for domination, and I can only hope I'll be able to keep up with her games and her torture.? I have to though, for I am her slave, and I am filled with love and respect for her.? Until next time...

I hope for Goddess Erika to control my entire schedule someday.? I will rise early to ready breakfast for her, do her errands, listen to her every whim and command and be hers to use in any way she sees fit.? I will not have 'free time' though I may beg for periods of time where I will be able to do things that are important to me, my time will always be centered around her.

From time to time to show her dominance she might like to put me in a dark closet or blindfold and then tie me up for long periods just to show me that all my time belongs to her.? I've heard sensory deprivation is very effective in conditioning, though as yet my experience is limited.

I will soon get to spend an extended amount of time with Goddess Erika, and that excites me as a slave like nothing else.? The idea of serving her in person, fills me with such uncontainable excitement I can barely keep typing.?

My days are filled with you Goddess Erika, your beauty, your grace, your patience with your slave.? I love you Goddess Erika.? I cannot wait until we are together...

Goddess Erika's slave pines for her in the desert, trying to drink the dust to quench his thirst.? It is nothing to her, nothing to her lovely voice, her sexy, luxuriant thoughts that have wrapped around this man and made him her slave.? He takes a few more staggering steps before collapsing to his feet.?

Just when he is about to gasp she appears to him as a mirage, a vision.? She is like water for his soul, mana for his mind.? Somehow he rises and continues to march on.

Eventually he reaches the temple.? Near mad with hunger and thirst he falls to his knees before her alter, performs his absolution with a body ready to collapse from exhaustion.

Somehow he manages to finish, and then he feels her delicate fingers reach around him and ensnare his neck with a collar of cold iron.? "You are mine..."

The words send a shiver down his spine.? Now he knows... he is the property of Goddess Erika... now and forever...? ?

I had a wonderful fantasy that I was contorted at the side of Goddess's bed, bound over backwards in some terrible stress position.? She had a sharp instrument and she was prodding my exposed thighs and my ass as she watched the tv to here the sounds of me suffering into my gag.? Every once and awhile she would reach over, grab her cat-o-nine, raise up on the bed and give me a tremendous blow, and then pet me for a little while and tell me what a good bitch I was.? It was a very wonderful fantasy :)

All is right with the world :D

I love Goddess Erika's video because of days like this.? I haven't gotten to talk to my Goddess all day :( , but I can still see the video and that makes it at least a little better.? Your slave misses you Goddess Erika :)

Gorgeous
Oblivion
Delicious
Destruction
Elegant
Sublime
Sensuality

Everything
Right
I
Know
About

So with a lot of stuff out of the way, its getting closer and closer to the time when I will be able to visit Goddess Erika.? I'm very excited as her slave to imagine being in her presence... till later all.

Happy Halloween!? I am dressing as a slave of Goddess Erika :D

Just getting ready to go to bed.? Talked to Goddess, but not as much as I would have liked... I am going to be glad when then next play is finally in production :)? I wish I was with Goddess, so I could help her more.? I feel guilty that I have something which is taking so much time.? Hopefully she won't need me too much until after tomorrow...

Today I went to the gym and wore my permanent marker proclamation into the gym.? One man my own age asked me if I was in some kind of older fraternity, which didn't seem to make any sense.? I told him Goddess Erika had me do it and wanted to show off that I was her property.? He looked at me like I had three heads and quickly left the locker area.? I blushed, but I was proud to represent that Goddess Erika owns me to the world :)?

My new video says it all.? I am the property of Goddess Erika... she can do with me as she likes :)

Phew... loooong day :)? I felt like my Goddess was helping me through today.? I was super productive so that always makes me feel good, though I didn't get to talk to my Goddess very much.? A brand new day being Goddess's property is coming up so that's exciting for me :)? She has been playing role-reversal with me, which so far is quite exciting :)

I love being Goddess Erika's property.? She was very kind to me today since I wasn't feeling well.? I also got to talk to her as a regular person.? It was kind of exciting :)? I enjoyed it immensely.? I'm feeling a little better, but hopefully the morning won't come too soon... ?

I love being Goddess Erika's bitch, and every day I feel lucky.? I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I could live with Goddess.? I think I'd be allowed up on the furniture sometime, if only for snuggling :) .? I also wonder what times would be like like right now since I have a cold :(? Would Goddess let me recuperate?? Maybe even take care of me?? I'm curious, because I don't feel very useful right now, but I hate feeling that I'm not being useful to my owner.? I wonder...

Well I'm off to the city today.? The vision of a smiling Goddess Erika has buoyed my spirit and left me feeling like I'm walking on air :) .? I ran through three edits like it was nothing at all.? I hope I will get to talk to her soon.? I love the dulcet sound of her voice, but I know I must be patient... ?

Goddess qualified for something I helped out with, and that makes me very, very happy :D? It's the best feeling in the world for a slave to be of use to his owner :D

I just finished an errand for Goddess Erika, and naturally that makes me very happy :)? I have decided to try and be more circumspect with Goddess's property in future to enhance the effect of what she wanted me to get :)?

I've gotten the idea that I will be eating more meals off the floor for Goddess Erika.? It definitely enhances my feelings of degradation before her loveliness...

I still can't wait to beg by her side for scraps from her plate, maybe even get to eat something from her hand.?

I imagine myself at a meal where she has a close friend over and explains how pathetic I am, that I'm not really a person, but more a possession and a pet.? In this fantasy I have been ordered not to talk, and I can feel myself blush as Goddess talks about my and all I can do is kneel there and say nothing.? She then demonstrates her control over me by having me smile as she reaches down and starts twisting my nipple back and forth before slapping me in the face.? Goddess explains to her friend that my training is still a process.

I don't know if Goddess would want her friend to be allowed to hurt me or not, but I did wonder about it...

Anyway, I realize that was a bit rambling. I'll try to keep things more straightforward tomorrow. :)

Goddess Erika played with me today, and it it was wonderful :)? I proposed that I would torture myself for her, and she came up with a great game where I tried to see how many pins I could slap off at a go.? I got more then she asked for once and then she made me go for that number instead.? I'm still smarting... :)

We may play again later tonight, but Goddess is taking a shower so we'll see... now where did I put that book of matches? :)

Just got home from a busy day... I wish real life wouldn't intrude on my ability to serve Goddess Erika.? I feel like a terrible slave, and I don't know why Goddess puts up with me :(? I'm useless and stupid and I don't deserve Goddess's presence.? I'm sure if I was there she would just lock me up somewhere and forget about me for awhile as I'm barely worth her time.? I need to be more attentive to Goddess's desires and I haven't been in regards to other subjects...

Ugh... CM erased my last entry... As I was saying... :P? I need to not be as playful in Goddess Erika's presence.? Being playful with her is like trying to tell jokes at a religious gathering.? I am in the presence of great beauty and rather then give into the awe inside of me I try to impress her which is impossible.? I'm just her slave and I should be happy that she tolerates my presence.? Next time I will be more respectful and less flippant.? I'm glad Goddess Erika is so forgiving with me... I love being Goddess Erika's property :)

We are walking outside, on a dusty dirt patch up to the house.? We pause as we stop in front of farm front sitting on the front steps. "You say you worship the ground on which I walk?? Show me..."? Goddess Erika turns to me with a mischievous smile. but she turns and places her foot in my face.?

The sole is has dirt and grit clinging to it, but even still I am almost overcome by the closeness of her feet, a symbol of my subservience to her.?

"Yes Godde..."? She doesn't let me finish, but instead shoves her foot into my mouth.? The dirt is dry and clinging and I try my best, but it turns my mouth into a desert.? I suck and lick one toe clean, and then another, but my mouth is dry.?

"I'm so thirsty Goddess..."? I manage to say as she rans her hands through her hair, watching me struggle with amused indifference.?

"Oh, you're thirsty?? I'm sorry..."? She reaches out and grabs my hair and forcibly pulls me towards her.? It is painful and Wince.? She forces my head back and beneath her.? "Open your mouth!"

I comply fear and awe mixing in my face as I look up at her divine visage.? She is so beautiful... like the face of nature...

She spits in my mouth, once, twice again.? After the third time she laughs.? "Swallow."? I comply again, overcome by the act.? She reaches out and slaps me in the face.? "Now get back to work bitch."?

I return to cleaning her feet.? I finish most of one, but Goddess seems to get bored.? She tells me to clean them off with water instead, and then as punishment for not being able to finish my task faster she grabs me by the hair and slaps me around a little bit before kneeing me in the balls.

I fall to the ground overcome with pain.? She grabs ahold of my hair again and starts dragging me to the door.? "Come on Slave... I haven't even started with you yet..."?

I shiver.? I know there is much more to come...

Fantasy about Goddess Erika:? Fire and Ice

Amused by the suffering of her slave Goddess Erika decided to play with me using fire and ice.? First she gagged and handcuffed me to the shower and ran freezing water over me which I could not reach while she we watched TV in the next room, (keeping the door open so she could keep tabs on me).? The first minute was the worst, or so I thought till I started shivering and moaning into my gag, unable to escape from the cold spray.

After what seemed like hours, at least a whole show she came in and attached a leash to my collar, released the handcuffs and led me back into the room.? She had me spread my shivering form and bound my arms to the headboard.? She then had me bend my ass over my head, my feet resting against the backboard as my ass hovered in the air.? She giggled at how silly I looked, but Goddess liked having my ass in the air and she took a few swats with her hand.? After the cold water it really hurt!

Then she went to the freezer and came back with the ice-cube tray and I felt my heart sink.? When she started shoving the first one into my little hole I started screaming into the gag, but there was nothing I could do to stop my Goddess.? She was laughing instead of giggling now, amused by my suffering.?

After melting a few ice cubes up my butt she had me flip back over and tied my ankles to foot-board.? She told me to take a last look at her heavenly face and then she blindfolded me.? I didn't know what was happening but I felt something change in the air.

"I'm going to burn you."? The words turned my already freezing blood into ice.? Then I felt a terrible pain like I couldn't even imagine.? I strained against my bounds.? I didn't know until later, but she was pouring hot wax on me.? It felt like my skin was being scalded from my body because of the difference in temperature. ? ?

The pain was so terrible, but even though Goddess professed sympathy for my condition she didn't stop hurting me.? When she was done she cuddled up next to me and her warmth made the pain go away.? I felt lucky to be her slave and her holding me was all the reward I needed.

I hope this fantasy pleases you Goddess...

I had a talk with Goddess about serving over long distance and I feel terrible about causing her to worry :(? I was feeling lonely and I tried to keep my feelings to myself, when I should have told my Goddess.? I need to learn to come to her with everything because I'm here property and she cares about me, and even though we can't be together yet I should be patient slave who knows that my Goddess cares about me.? I felt like the luckiest slave in the world to see how my Goddess cares about me, but I feel terrible about worrying her.? I hope I can make it up to her...

depressed...

Kind of having an off day, but Goddess talked to me and that made things a little better.? Just got back, and now I'm heading out again already :P? talk to you later...

Had a busy day, but my nips and cock have finally recovered from the chaffing they received entertaining Goddess Erika.? I got the opportunity to ask to kiss Goddess's ass and she happily complied, though I was promised I might see how bad she could be.? Personally I would love it :)? I just wish I could be in the actual presence of my Goddess... :(

Goddess had me torture myself yesterday with clothes-pines and had me lining them up on my cock and then pulling them off.? The tip of my cock also got a clothes-pine and it hurts like heck today even though it wasn't that painful yesterday so go figure :P?

I have an assignment to make me more of a man for her, because she wants a man as a slave.? I am looking forward to this, although I still do many stupid things, but Goddess is very patient with me.? I want to tell her more about what is in my head so she can really start controlling my thoughts and actions.? I look forward to losing control completely and being entirely consumed by my worship of her.??

Was very busy yesterday, but the store didn't have the CB I wanted so I'll to order it.? Now I have wait for delivery... :P I found out Goddess got a new pair of panties and they were circling my head through most of the day.? During my meeting I spent most of my time thinking about Goddess Erika :)? She's the greatest Goddess in the world.?

Going to the city to maybe get a chastity device, but they seem to be harder to find then I thought.? Talked with Goddess before I left and it made me very happy, though I found out I missed out on getting to see her perfect face on webcam :( :( :( ... anyway I'm off.? I may write later...

Mainly worried about whatever Goddess Erika is worried about :(? Otherwise I have a big day ahead of me as I need to get my submission (writing submission not the other kind of submission :P) into shape.? Tomorrow I'm also going to get my chastity device, so I'm also thinking about that. ?

So I'm counting the days now that my cock is still my property as Goddess Erika has told me to get a Chastity Device.? As soon as I get it, even if I'm not wearing it Goddess Erika can control whenever I have access to myself.? I'm scared, terrified and excited by the idea.? Not looking forward to the mornings though... plus I hope I don't have to wear it for shows since I might break it or something else during the fight where I pull another actor down with me... I'll have to ask Goddess Erika and hope that she is merciful.

I finished a project for Goddess Erika and watched some of the Tyra Banks show on clips online.? I wish I could be in Goddess's presence so she could decide everything that I watched on TV.? I'm sure me even thinking about the TV remote would be grounds for punishment, but I'll have to ask Goddess about it.? Till later... ;)

Goddess Erika instructed me not to have any wet dreams about her last night, and I succeeded, though I did have a very hot dream about her teasing me in chastity and then falling asleep in my arms, the smell of her hair torturing me throughout the rest of the night... It was a nice dream...

I have been wondering what Goddess Erika's thoughts on conditioning are, as I've always been interested in it, though I know some domme's like the idea of their submissive continuing to make the choice to serve, and I believe in this as well... I think it might amuse Goddess Erika if to create some Pavlovian responses to certain stimuli.? Training me to fall to my knees at the sound of her clapping, or having me bark like a dog at a certain word would be a hot demonstration of her power, but I've heard that their are psychological tricks that can be employed to condition a subject to react automatically.? I have some idea of this as we texted so much at night I would imagine I could hear the sound and wake up, only to find I had imagined it.? For awhile I really couldn't sleep at all... and I was just jumping up to check.? Even neighborhood sounds that sounded like the text sound would rouse me to full wakefulness whether I wanted to or not.?

I'd love to have a few conditioned responses, but as I understand it the process takes weeks and that's sort a long term thing to do long distance.? Still, maybe someday... It would certainly be terrifying to realize I had actually become conditioned.? Still if Goddess Erika ever wanted to do it I would happily comply (at least at first, then of course the behavior at least wouldn't be a choice anymore... ).

I want to serve Goddess Erika very badly in a variety of ways, some to make her life easier and others to suffer for her pleasure :)? Of course right now we are both fighting colds and that doesn't make for a lot of kinetic friction :)? I'm hoping to get out of this weekend without catching the flu and so is she.

Probably not my best entry on here but the world will intrude at times.

Update:
I want to be smothered by Goddess Erika and struggle in suffering for her.? I want her to twist my nipples till I feel I can beg no more and then gag me with her panties.?? I don't know if she'll stop there... but I love being her eager bitch :)

Spent the morning talking with Goddess Erika and enjoying being her little bitch.? We exchanged fantasies about what we would do together, so I hope the trip pans out.? Even if it doesn't I should get to see her in December :)? I look forward to having her panties stuffed in my mouth :D

I'm going to get to go visit Goddess Erika!? She will control what I see, hear, feel, eat and experience and I will be able to bask in her presence and fall to my knees at the honor of being her little house bitch!? I'm soooo excited!? She still has to double check to make sure the visit will not interfere with her scholastic life, but I can't stop thinking about it... I'll be able to cook and clean for her, do work for her and suffer for her in whatever manner she deems fit.? I even get to sleep at the foot of her bed :)

All I dream about is Goddess Erika.? All I think about is Goddess Erika.? All I want to do is be with Goddess Erika.? All the world pales before Goddess Erika.?

Oh yeah... I'm her bitch :D

I am now serving Goddess Erika again :) .? I think my emotions have whiplash :P? My entry is short today, but I may add something to this later on after I figure out what the write.? I'm still a little discombobulated... ?

I will not be on this site for awhile.? Broken-hearted... :( :( :(

Another Domme told Goddess Erika I was interested in them, which is simply not true, or I haven't spoken to them in a month.? I will be sharing my account from now on with Goddess Erika until she trusts me to be her good little bitch.? :( ?

I love talking to Goddess Erika, because she has a great sense of humor, a very sexy voice and she is a perfect Goddess that leaves the rest of us in awe.? She can sometimes be a tad emotionally sadistic, :) but I think her sadism is an expression of her curiosity to know more about pathetic little slave boys like me.? She's curious about what makes us tick, so she hurts us and tests us and plays with us just to see what we'll do.? For myself I love being her test subject, as its an honor just to be acknowledged by such a heavenly body :)?? ?

I got to talk to Goddess Erika after she got off work for an extended period of time.? She almost let me talk like a normal person and it was nice to gab with her like a friend for a little a bit, but of course throughout the whole exchange I was still her slave and she was still a Goddess.? That night she appeared in my dreams, just as she had ordered.

I admit I was kind of scared about her being able to order my dreams, but I've never had this kind of intensity in a bdsm relationship before, particularly since we haven't been able to meet in person yet.?

I was following her around on some errands, terrified of what she might make me do.? I remember talking to a sales clerk, and a few other people and all the time I was tortured by a little knowing smile on her face that told me she could have me embarrass myself completely at her whim.? I paid for everything, and carried her stuff.? It was a very hot dream :)

After I woke up I thought about the dream and added a bit where we got home and she kicked me in the balls as a thank you. She had me kiss her feet and pamper her while I tried to nurse my damaged balls.? Later she just had me spread my legs and she tortured the hell out of me for fun.? I would have been screaming, but I was ball gagged.? Sometimes I'm honestly frightened of my own imagination, and the hold that Goddess Erika seems to have over it.?

I apologized to Goddess Erika for including an entry that wasn't about her, and now I feel about going on about my own meaningless dreams when I could have spent the time extolling her greatness.? Goddess Erika is perfect avatar of deadly beauty and terrible grace.? She is a force of nature that is consuming my thoughts and slowly encircling my soul like a great Anaconda.? There is no escape from her and I would want none, for she is superior to me in every way that needs mentioning.?

It's a great honor to serve her and be harmed by her; in a way destroyed be her.? I am proud to be her slave.? Every day serving her is a special gift.

Goddess Erika I thank you for this day.? Please show your grace to your servant, slave and dog.? I look forward to the next time you use me like your little bitch. :)

I was a sad slave yesterday after I upset my Goddess, and I'm still not sure what I did which makes it even worse :(? I think it may have been because I was somewhat looking forward to being tortured, but there is a limit online obviously, though I guess I do appreciate the artistry required to really bring an acute level of suffering to another human being.

Of course on the emotional level I'm a wreck again.? I've gotten some antacid to help with my rumbling stomach.? I hope Goddess Erika forgives me soon.?

I did have a daydream and a dream yesterday.? They daydream involved my Goddess.? She was going off to a party, and I had displeased her in some way.? She had me chained up, to a wall in a closet and told me I was going to spend the whole weekend like that.? She said she might consider giving me some work to do if I was good.? It probably relates to the fact that Goddess Erika isn't talking to me till next week :(

The other dream was weird, since it was a dream.? I was serving some older woman, I don't know who she was, but she had me worship her feet after she'd had the in boots all day, and she almost drown me having me drink from a toilet bowl.? She then wanted to test how to mark me and offered me a ball gag.? I think she was planning on tying me spread eagle on the bed, but I remember being afraid of getting hurt and finding something to say so I could get out of there and not be whipped because I was afraid it would hurt too much and that she might be totally crazy.? I'm not really sure what that mean... :P

I had a lovely evening with Goddess Erika yesterday, but I could only do a little work for her because I wasn't familiar with powerpoint :(? She was in a sad mood, but then brightened considerably later in the night.? Just as she was going to bed she said she would be discussing punishments with me today, I can only assume for my many failures.? I admit to being a little scared, and also a little excited...?

I've just finished Goddess Erika's report and since it's past 12 I though I would post here.? I hope she will like all the work I put into it.? Goddess seemed very happy today, and I liked that she was happy.? I was eating ice cream when I talked to her before rehearsal and she had me pour it out onto my bedroom floor and then lick the floor clean.? I felt like her bitch, that was for sure.? Later on I had a bit of stomach ache, but I couldn't be sure if it was from the ice cream, something else I picked up from the floor or me being a hypochondriac.? I guess any one of those is possible.? Anyway I should probably catch some sleep now.? I want to have plenty of energy if Goddess Erika wants me for anything tomorrow. :D?

Goddess Erika has forgiven me, but I am to be fully clothed when I talk to her online so I was not punished with torture.?

My thoughts on physical torture have changed quite a bit since I started serving Goddess Erika, or at least in the past few days.? I certainly enjoy certain elements of being tortured.? It is an ideal way to show how submissive I am, and what I will endure to show that submission, but now I have different feelings entirely.? I feel like I need to be tortured by Goddess Erika to excise my guilt and the emotional build up of Goddess Erika toying with my psyche and my consequent failure by falling asleep for almost twenty minutes that night.

The whole emotional aspect of slavery is new to me, and one that I have not experienced before, nor have I? been emotionally tortured before.? I know at least to small extent that some of what Goddess Erika says is to test me or to see what I'll do, or to simply torment me for her own amusement, and yet even though I know this I cannot protect myself from it in any way.? I WANT to be her toy, and now that I have failed her I desperately need to be tortured by her.? It is like a physical need this desire to cry and beg forgiveness as she tortures me till I can take no more... and it is a wholly new experience for me. ? All I can do is thank my Goddess, and look forward to doing more of her work for her as her bitch.? I look forward to suffering for her more, but hopefully only at her whim and not because I have failed in some way.? I don't think I could take another few days like the ones that just passed.?

I failed Goddess Erika, and violated her trust by falling asleep at waiting at the computer.? I do not deserve to be her slave.? I feel awful, I can't eat, and I want to beg BEG to really hurt myself.? Not normal pain, but pain that will reduce me to a crying bawling mess for my actions...? I see no reason why Goddess should forgive me though, and I am completely at her mercy.? If she still accepts me back as her slave she is above all others in their capacity to forgive, but I don't feel I deserve this forgiveness... I don't know what to do.? I am absolutely miserable... :(

I wasn't sure whether to call Goddess yesterday and decided to leave a goodnight message for her on her phone and woke her just as she was drifting off to sleep... I will not be doing that again.? I will definitely not contact her too late to ensure this does not happen again :( .? I am certainly grateful my Goddess is so forgiving with me.? I will have to work extra hard to make up for my mistakes.? I hope there is some extra work I can do for her.? Until next time journal...

So I made another mistake last night and called Goddess a Mistress, which was a serious error.? I'm still not sure if this was because I was tired or whether some unconscious part of me is making mistakes on purpose.? If so it is a problem I have to address, as Goddess does not deserve to put up with any kind of resistance, passive or otherwise.? I will have to figure it out, and either way I feel I deserve to be punished.? For now though I think I'm going to catch some Zzzzs so I can be of some use to Goddess Erika if she has need of me.? I do love being Goddess Erika's slave... (or maybe I should say bitch since that's what she usually calls me) :D ?

I'm not sure if Goddess Erika was testing me again last night because of my early rehearsal, but it was really my pleasure to talk to her and I loved every minute of it.? I was a little zonked, but it was a very small price to pay :)? She really is the most beautiful, clever and perfect Goddess on Earth, and I am still amazed that she deigns to let me serve her.? I will be celebrating the Jewish New Year with friends and will be out most of the day, but I should be back tonight, then another early rehearsal.? Hopefully that may mean another long chat with Goddess Erika :)

Well I have a busy day today.? Going to the gym then I need to finish my writing for my submission to Agents next week ( :) )? Last night I had a very long texting session with Goddess Erika which was awesome.? I would love to serve her in person.? I was thinking last night about what it would be like to meet her for the first time and thought was exciting and terrifying.? There are lot more ways for her to torture, punish and humiliate me in person then on the internet or over the phone. ? After my show I'm planning on visiting my cousin in New Orleans.? I wonder how long a trip it is from there to Forth Worth...

I didn't get to talk to Goddess Erika very much yesterday which of course made me sad :(? It was entirely my fault as I had rehearsal and I was out of the house till late in the afternoon.? Being away from my Goddess awhile only makes me appreciate her more, and await the anticipation of being at her beck and call tonight :)

So I realize that Goddess Erika is conditioning me emotionally and yet there is very little I can do about it.? She is crushing my willpower, and she will allow no topping from the bottom.? I am really just helpless prey to her.? She tries out different stories, embarrassing tasks and other trials to see what I will do and test my submission.? I am left disoriented and the only thing I can do is cling to my submission and hope I do not go under.? It makes me more reliant on her emotionally and I believe this may result in more pain and suffering for me, but as I said before I am a mere mortal and she is Goddess which a penchant for psychological torture. ? Aren't I a lucky slave?? :)

I must not allow my nerves to keep making me make mistakes in my service to Goddess Erika.? I was texting and made a very embarrassing one.? Keeping track of the rules which govern how I can talk keep me on my toes, but also get my adrenaline pumping when I am talking with my Goddess.? I will have to learn to control them.? I look forward to my next opportunity and thank her for her patience with me and many failures.?

A Poem to Goddess Erika:

Strands of dead stars across her brow like fronds of midnight,
Eyes of Ether, sharpened black; galactic doom,
Her loveliness is all in shadow, nails a purple haze of promised pain,
Goddess, Mistress of the world around her,
All who serve tremble at their Mary Jane,
A drug that pounds in everlasting fury,
In awe of power, passion, pain.

For she is the Goddess and the everlasting glory.
All hail her long awaited reign.
? ? ?

Goddess Erika has forbidden me from asking questions or making excuses.? I feel like this restriction is helpful for my training.? It makes me feel less human to a certain extent.? When I was barking like a dog with my entire family in the next room, I felt like an animal, and I think Goddess was demonstrating that was how I had been acting.
I have also begun to realize that I should not take the initiative.? When I showed Goddess the uniform for my show, or when I knelt before her to try and show her my subservience I wasn't really being submissive, because these were my ideas.? I need to be attentive to Goddess Erika, and if she wants something from me, she will tell me.? Perhaps after I have served for a long time and I have a better idea of how she likes things I might anticipate things that she will like, but for know I do not know enough.?
I will continue to strive to be a better slave, and will continue to write in this journal.? Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do so Goddess :)? ?

I wake up happy to still be in my Goddess's service, and thankful that I can write this post for her before my rehearsal.? I have only a little time, as I have to head out the door.

I could barely sleep last night after failing Goddess, and I feel a little groggy this morning, but I have no one to blame but myself.?? If I wasn't such a faulty, feckless fool this would not have happened.? The thought of Goddess keeps me going.? I hope I will be able to talk to her later.? Until I get back journal...

Goddess Erika is truly what her name implies; a Goddess in action and a vision of the holy world.? I have been blessed to serve her, but in my stupidity and foolishness I have failed her divine light.

I placed my own concerns above her own, an act that would have caused other, just, yet lesser deities to immediately terminate my services, but Goddess Erika was kind enough to offer me a second chance.? She has ordered me to make a journal entry on CM every day in recognition of her greatness an I am grateful for the opportunity.

I am unworthy, and yet she tolerates me like patience waiting upon a monument.? Her otherworldly elegance and vision leaves me dumbfounded, reflecting on my many, many failures, my weakness, my stupidity and my stark unworthiness to her shining star.? I hope that I can win back her favor, and hope to find that chance here.? Until then journal, I beg for that day... ? ? ??

TheEnglishDom Male Dominant, 59, NJ / NY / London, New Jersey	TheMasterCalls Male Dominant, 51, Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania	Thea Female Dominant, 33	themonk1 Male Dominant, 43, Westboro, Massachusetts
thebandersnatc Male Dominant, 39, Westchester/NYC, New York	therecruit Male Switch, 30, kissimmee, Florida	TheOne Male Submissive, 26, Dubai	TheMaster Male Switch, 27, Northern Ireland
THESINNER Male Dominant, 52, las vegas, Nevada	thegbmaster Male Dominant, 48, London	thepisceanlove Male Dominant, 30, Mumbai	TheGoddess Female Dominant, 23

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