How many of us married knowing our future spouse was vanilla?  We desired different sex, leather, bondage, collars, whips and chains, and naively hoped that with a little experience, a little encouragement, they might come to enjoy bdsm with us.

How many of those spouses knew of our kink before marriage?  They listened, discussed, participated (perhaps reluctantly), as we tied them to the bed (or they tied us).  They knew what we wanted, knew our desires, even if they did not share and did not understand them. They though that maybe, once married, we would give up on those strange desires.  Like giving up playing with dolls.

How did that work out for you?

I know it did not work out for me.  As we aged, we changed.  At first kink was a sometimes, if reluctant part of our relationship.  Then more reluctant, then resistant.  Then "why does everything have to be about sex!"  Well, why can't some things be about sex.  We drifted apart, sexually, even as we had other things in common.  A family, a home, jobs, schedules, intertwined lives. Lives that stopped cold in the bed as time went on.

And so we are here.