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Male Submissive, 37
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Male Dominant, 36, England
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Male Dominant, 44, Chicago, Illinois
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About tanarria
Please do not ask for a friend request if I do not know you. It will not be approved.
I am the 24/7 slave and wife of Master Daniel (GreyWolf66). We live together in Chester County, Pennsylvania on two acres of heaven. I am owned and have worn his collar for almost fourteen years. We were married over 2 years ago and we are committed and compelled to continue along the awesome path of life partners. Master Daniel is head of our M/s household.
Below is a little something I wrote to explain a bit more about who I am. I have also presented this topic and it has been received well by those that "get it". Those that don't or claim I'm not a slave, truly don't know me and my relationship with Master Daniel. They will more than likely stay in the dark about the many facets of slavery and M/s relationships. I, however, will never again listen to someone tell me I'm not a slave because of their ignorance.
I always saw my Type-A personality in slavery as a negative thing. I don't fit, I'm not "slave-like", I'm not what people would call a "natural" slave or submissive. But yet.....I AM a slave. If my Master were asked, He would not have any problem defending my position as a slave. Those that take the time to know me and the Master I serve, would agree also.
The one thing I cannot do is change who I am. Words like graceful, quiet, calm, and serene do not fit me. When asked to jump, I jump first, then ask how high on the way up. It is how I am wired, how I am made, and how I will always be. This does not mean I am not able to make changes or be trained in the ways that are most pleasing to the One I am with. After all, I AM submissive and serve to please.
This is who I am. I am driven to serve. I am driven to perfection. I am driven to take any demand made of me, meet the challenge, then ask for more. I am constantly seeking to better myself, care for myself, and care for others' needs. I am driven to surrender all to the One I serve. Give me a task and consider it done.
However, when my submissive or slave mindset is triggered, I become inwardly contemplative and quiet, and await my next command. I do not want to make decisions or think outside of what my One requires of me. Loud environments and casual conversation become almost an impossibility as I sink into a place in my heart where I am happiest. I crave the feeling of ownership; the collar and cuffs. I easily kneel and worship the feet of the One that cares for me and knows what to do with my slavery. This side of me is rare. It takes a special hand and and person with the right personality and understanding to trigger this response. It is there, it just needs to be inspired.
So yes, Virginia - I really am a slave. |
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Recent quote from a friend (typos, spelling, and grammar corrected just cuz I can't help myself....lol)
"I think a type-A personality can fit perfectly with being a slave. I think it's just channeling your strengths through your service. I really think as a type-A personality, you can probably give a much wider and demanding level of service than someone like me, who is not very good at being self-activating."
Wow - A bright shiny spotlight just clicked on.
I always saw my Type-A personality in slavery as a negative thing. I don't fit, I'm not "slave-like", I'm not what people would call a "natural" slave or submissive. But yet.....I AM a slave. If my Master were asked, He would not have any problem defending my position as a slave. Those that take the time to know me and the Master I serve, would agree also.
I am driven to serve. I am driven to perfection. I am driven to take any demand made of me, meet the challenge, then ask for more. I am constantly seeking to better myself, care for myself, and care for others' needs.
The one thing I cannot do is change who I am. Words like graceful, quiet, calm, and serene do not fit me. When asked to jump, I jump first, then ask how high on the way up. It is how I am wired, how I am made, and how I will always be. This does not mean I am not able to make changes or be trained in the ways that are most pleasing to the One I am with. After all, I AM submissive and serve to please.
When my submissive or slave mindset is triggered, I become inwardly contemplative and quiet, and await my next command. I do not want to make decisions or think outside of what my One requires of me. Loud environments and casual conversation become almost an impossibility as I sink into a place in my heart where I am happiest. I crave the feeling of ownership; the collar and cuffs. I easily kneel and worship the feet of the One that cares for me and knows what to do with my slavery. Unfortunately, there are way too many "Masters" out there that do not know what it means to care for their slave or submissive when they go into this space (but that is another entry for another day).
So yes, Virginia - I really am a slave. Now, if I can just figure out some way of embedding this in my forgetful brain the next time I question it, I would be a much happier person.
tana |
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On Being A Slave....
I was asked what it means to be a "true" slave at the NDDS Demo/party this past Saturday.
Although I shuddered at first at the word "true", I was able to work past it to the point where I could put to words what it means to ME to be a slave. I hope I can put the same words I used that night.
Disclaimer: I will use slave in the female context and the Dominant in the male/Master context for ease of reading. Of course, you may substitute other genders as it suits your purposes.
First, I believe to be a slave takes an incredibly strong person. A slave must give EVERYTHING to her Master. This includes the physical trust....but even more importantly, the emotional trust that the Master will protect, guide, nourish and love the slave and not do her harm.
Secondly, I believe what a slave is NOT is a doormat. A slave is allowed the initial freedom to negotiate the relationship to the point where the collar is offered and received. This is why the beginning and ongoing communication in this type of relationship is SOOO excruciatingly important. Too many slaves become unhappy in their relationships because they don't think they have the right to express their unhappiness about an issue. The communication line can never be cut - and this goes BOTH ways!
Once a slave gives herself to the collar and her Master, there is no turning back. I believe collars, especially within the context of a Master/slave relationship, should take months, if not years to determine if it is what both partners desire and ultimately want.
I believe the deeper the commitment, emotional and physical trust, the deeper the submission is and the need to serve and please the Master. There are times when I MUST serve Him in order to feel complete. I MUST please Him in order to be fully and wholly His. I MUST not give Him anything short of everything that I am and can be. I MUST be the best I can be as His slave, property, and love.
Just as in the BDSM lifestyle as a whole, there is also a continuum on a scale. There are those that believe being a slave is nothing more than another word for being submissive and those that believe slaves have no rights and are nothing more important than a piece of furniture in a room. My slavery to my Master falls along the entire scale. There are some days when we are just comfortable sitting together watching a movie and others when nothing will suit us but for me to sit at his feet worshipping Him and serving His every need.
Some believe once a collar is given, it cannot be returned unless the Master removes it. I believe if my Master truly wished for my well being, if I asked to be released with all that is in my heart because this relationship was not working, he would release me.
Being a slave is the perfect match for some....and not even close to being what others want for their lives. It is my perfect match as it works within the context of my relationship with my 8-year collar to my Master. For another relationship, it would not and could not ever work.
In Love, Light, and Service,
tana
2/23/06 |
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I have been interested in the poly lifestyle for a long time. I love the thought of serving a couple (M/F). I recently realized how much I love serving! Of course, my Master always knew, but it never clicked for me until I had the opportunity to serve someone other than him. My secondary relationship has since ended so now I seek a couple that I can serve and be part of their family. If you are seeking a third to add to your relationship and want to add someone that will always remain fully respectful of the primary relationship, please contact me. I am returning to school the end of January, but my weekends should remain mostly available. I do not want or need a live-in situation. |
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Anything??
Only eight characters long, yet one of the most powerful words in the BDSM lifestyle.
Have you ever felt so safe that you knew you could give anything of yourself and you knew it would be treasured, respected, and safeguarded? Anything??You would serve no matter how tired you may be simply because your soul desires to serve. You would do the one thing you hate most in the world because you know it makes Him happy and it means you have served Him well. You would give an extravagant massage, your own body craving the very thing you do so well, yet there is no resentment nor request from your own lips because you want His body to be well and to heal from the aches and pains from the day. You would clean the toilets, wash the months-old dirty shower, and scour the encrusted kitchen floor on your hands and knees because He desires a home instead of just four walls. You would drink His fluids, take His sadistic pleasure, and smile at His control over your very life simply because it is His to take.
He has earned the words, ?anything?. He has kept His promise to keep your heart, soul, and body safe from harm. He has never abused the word, nor used it inappropriately because He loves you, cares for you, and understands all that you are and desire to give.
Not many in this life understand the power behind this word from either the giver or the recipient?s perspective. Not many wish to hear the word, ?Anything.? They struggle with the meaning behind it and wonder at the person behind the words, instead of just accepting it for what it is. A word with trust, respect, and love behind it.
tanarria 1/3/06 |
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Back in school again has been a challenge, to say the least. Add to that, a poly secondary relationship, supporting my daughter in college, a stressful job, looking for a new job, hoping to move in the next few months, and maintaining a long distance relationship, my plate is just a tad full. I don't know how I do it some days, and other days, I don't know how I would do it without everything I have now in my life. I love being busy, I love having a full life. Just not so full! lol
For those of you interested in meeting with me, I'm highly flattered and wish I had more time to pursue other relationships. Right now, I have little time for anything except talking and getting to know you, and if a night frees up, a possible meeting. I don't jump into relationships quickly.
If you have the patience and want to know me more, please feel free to find me on AOL, Yahoo, ICQ, or MSN.
If you're looking for a quickie or a girl who is around more than once in awhile, please move on to the next candidate.
The holidays are almost here....HELP!!!!!!! lol
tana |
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There have been many changes in my life since last I wrote here, including my return to school after 25 years of being out of the classroom. Unfortunately this has limited my time, but I still find the time for the things that are important to me, including dancing, lifestyle events, and a few very special friends I enjoy spending time with .
I have also been able to further understand the type of person that "pushes my buttons" and draws me to them:
I enjoy a man who exudes self-assurance, control of himself, and doesn't have to work very hard at proving himself - because he has nothing to prove. I love a well-groomed man who is able to support himself in a mid to upper class status. (I am self sufficient and self-supported and don't need money, so don't consider me a money hungry submissive for knowing what I like.)
I don't like whiney men, men who think the world should bow to them, or men who are overly arrogant and assume too much. I like a man who is assertive, not aggressive. I like a man who controls by finding my heart, not by how hard he can swing a paddle.
I enjoy meeting all types of people and I get along with most, but the one that will convince me to meet with them will be the one that closely matches the above - and yes, they DO exist! I've met them!
Enjoy the summer!!!!!
tana
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Does anyone believe....
... that this lifestyle is more than just sex
... that a woman can be strong, demanding, and assertive, yet yearn to submit with all she has to the right man that wins her trust
... that it takes longer than a few days, weeks, or sometimes months to win that trust. Sometimes never.
... that it seems impossible that anyone else out there believes the same things you do - that mutual respect belongs at the top of the list
... there is little left for the hard-core lifestylers that want it as a life, not just a meet and beat or a meet and f*ck.
discouraged and disappointed
tana |
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I am a woman of passion. No, not THAT type of passion .
I write about the type of passion that brings emotions to the forefront when I hear of someone abusing children. I write about the type of passion that makes me angry when I hear of certain injustices in the world. I write about the feelings that come to the surface when people call me a liar because they believe in their heart that I am, although I am more likely to tell the truth, even when it would hurt me more to do so than to lie. I talk about the passion that brings my voice to crescendo and my fingers to type faster and faster without regard for the feelings of others. I talk about the passion of a woman who believes strongly in many things and believes in right from wrong. My world has many such beliefs and I am passionate about each of them.
So if I speak from the depth of my passion and beliefs and it offends you, I do not apologize for that which I have spoken, but I will apologize for the way I may have spoken it in the moment of passion.
I am a woman of truth and a woman of deep faith and moral belief system. Be it as it may, I am destined to offend those that believe in the new politically correct world of "just accept it" and the world will be a much happier place. For that I will never apologize.
tana |
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I have been asked lately if I've found what I've been looking for. Yes, and no. I have found someone I enjoy spending time with in our "non-dating" world. But I guess I've realized I'm not looking for just one person. I'm rather looking for persons to do things with. I love doing so many different things and I love doing them with different people. I enjoy meeting new and different people. I like learning about different things and seeing what else life has to offer.
People ask me my interests and I can tell them what they are today. But if I were to meet someone with a different interest than mine, chances are I would ask to learn more and it may become one of mine as well. I don't believe in life being the same and turning stagnant. I believe in living life to its absolute fullest and learning as much as I can until the day I no longer can.
What I'm not looking for: A sex partner or a once-in-awhile play partner. Someone who comes on too strong or thinks the first time together means the first time jumping into bed.
What I'm looking for: Others who enjoy the company of an intelligent woman who likes doing many different things.
I appreciate someone who enjoys conversation, dancing, movies, nice dinners, or just sitting around enjoying each other's company.
I love long drives, just heading no where in particular and sitting outside watching the sun set or a thunder storm roll in across the valley. I love attending lifestyle munches and going to local clubs in NYC and Philadelphia. I would love to get to more weekend events and conferences. I enjoy being involved and helping when I can. I'm not a watcher, I'm a doer.
tana |
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On Being A Genuine Slave/Submissive:
As far as being genuine, I suppose that would be a matter of opinion and how deep I would allow myself to be submissive to someone. I am naturally submissive to certain personalities. However, I am a very strong woman in my own right and it takes a very special and strong Dominant to take me to that level. My experience (10 years) has taught me that it is best to take things slowly, develop things from a companion/ friendship level first and the trust it takes to bring me to submission comes naturally with time. I don't submit to just anyone and I don't trust my body and well being to just anyone either. I am a strong woman to most, submissive to few, and slave to one. Although I had a brief relationship as a Dominant, I learned early on that although I may appear Dominant in my personality, I only fit in a relationship with men as a submissive/slave.
tana |
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I thought I would add a description to my profile to at least assure people I'm not some 800 lb monster. The previous journal entry was written after a particularly nasty "Dom" insulted me for not wanting to share my picture.
I am 5'6", I have an average build (not skinny, but not large either), I have long, red, curly hair, blue eyes, and I have been told I look more like someone in my early 30s.
I am young at heart and love to go out and have fun doing various things. Life is short and I enjoy it while I can!
tana |
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I don't understand why men get angry when i don't want to share my picture within the first 5 minutes of communicating with me. Why should I allow someone to oogle over my picture if we're not compatible or interested in meeting? I'm not going to compromise my safety and my well being because someone can't see beyond themselves.
tana |
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