submktg

Life is tough.  I'm on the verge of losing my girlfriend and I'm afraid that she may love this lifestyle more than me.  I'm a dirty pathetic sissy slut.  I really am.  My name is scott and I love dirty humiliation.  I'm also a cuckold and I've begun to actually look forward to being a mistress' complete dirty sex slave for her bull, in the bedroom.  I'm a far-from-perfect-loving-caring-dedicated-slave every day all day.

I've explored this lifestyle and realized it hurts and demeans my deepest self worth when life and love are disconnected and another soul is introduced into the relationship.  Be it for others, it's not for me.  I need love first, all day, everyday.  Not just 15 minutes before fucking a bull.

I'm leaving it for others, it hurts too much and I have discovered boundaries.  How can I allow my constant thoughts of being a dirty slut overcome my pain of feelings like a complete piece of shit and then have fun watching the person you love so fucking much smile and actually enjoy herself with someone else.   I can't take days upon days of being dumped, and loved, dumped and the next day completely intimate and loving 15 minutes before a bull comes over, only to be called a piece of shit minutes after.

I love everything about this life except these complete and utter horrible negative feelings that I know are not healthy for any loving relationship, one that seemed like would last forever.  I know this is a boundary that I never ever ever want to feel that feelings.

I really miss my mistress.  I love everything about her.  It's beyond words how this woman charges me sexually.  I feel love for her that I never knew existed.  She is an incredible woman, amazing mother for all our kids, impressive entrepreneur, active outdoors-person and simply a sexy-as-hell goddess.  She is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I want to share her life.  She is the only woman I think about, the only woman I want to be with.

I wonder if I am suppose to completely negate these feelings and follow my dick.  It doesn't make sense to me to crush the feelings in the heart to satisfy my penis.  I fucking love this woman, love this lifestyle but have realized I need stability in a relationship before playing.  I'm afraid we're witnessing a crossroad of a very sad demise in what I once thought was a perfect relationship.