student4pleasure

Had to update my profile as I've evolved a bit and am looking again.

It's been a little while since I've made an entry here.  I just haven't had many clear thoughts to put in this.  I've continued exploring things through the many websites with so much information, but it's reached a point where I'm curious to see the separation between real life experience vs. the fantasy side shown in so many sites.  Then there's the variety of situations depending on the Domme that makes it hard to define what to expect in this choice.  I realize what may be true with one Domme may not be the case in another relationship with another Domme.  That kind of leaves me thirsting for something real to base my expectations off of.  I have defined my wants and desires pretty well, I think.  I now need to find the situation where those parameters fit well with what my Mistress wants.  I do hope to have that fulfillment soon as it will make me feel more certain of where I am headed.  Right now, that feeling of belonging and certainty is missing.  It's something I really need to feel confident of where I am.

Well, day 3 comes to a close.  Yet more reading and learning.  I think I've pretty much determined my definitive limits at this point.  I still have more learning on what will truly be an interest in terms of experience.  I'm going to continue to read up as much and ask as many questions as I can until I get to start actual experiences.  Just so much to learn and get a groundwork laid for whatever type of relationship I find.  I do have a good idea of what I really need to experience now.  That was a big missing piece when I first started this.  I really wasn't even sure where to start.  So much different than anything I've ever really given serious consideration.  It's always been there in my mind, I guess I just never had the courage to acknowledge it and truly persue it.  That is now part of the past and am determined to experiment with my desires and see where it takes me.

Well, after day 2 of my journey I've been doing a lot of reading.  I do find the anticipation of experiencing the things I've listed on my profile building.  At times, I almost feel ready to explode.  Kinda crazy, but it is really intriguing.  I guess a good part of it is the realization that I'm coming to terms with some needs I've suppressed for so long.  Even though I hadn't given them much thought before, I can feel the years of build up brewing, almost boiling over.  I really can't wait to feel the release of actually getting to experience some of the things I know deep inside I've always needed.  I've never been the most patient person in the world, but the need to act out these fantasies has me more impatient than I've ever felt before.  I do truly hope release comes soon.  I can feel that it will remove a huge burden off of me that has needed to go for quite some time.

Well, I figured I'd put a first entry here today since yesterday is the beginning of my journey on the way to finding something I think has always been there, but has never been acknowledged and expressed directly.  I feel I've always had the submissive personality but I've never known anyone who would accept it and moreso appreciate it in me.  It's always been something that society has viewed as a weakness that wasn't desireable in a man.  Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means a door mat and won't be used as such.  I do have self respect and dignity, but I do feel the need to draw my pleasure from my Domme who I will serve for a mutual pleasure.  I have a strong need to submit to her will, to put my efforts into making her happy which in turn would make me happy.  I look forward to the beginning of this journey beyond what I can read, though I will do that as I have been told to.  I'm anxious to begin experiencing what pleasures I can bring to her.  It is nice to know I am viewed as worthy of serving her wants and needs.  I think that's my biggest need right now, to draw pleasure from what pleasures I can provide to her.  It seems I've already learned so much about myself already by what little of the path I've taken and find myself looking forward to each additional step.