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totally judge fin dommes by their wishlists. if they have some cool ass shit, maybe i'll buy something for them! (jk. but i will like them more!) |
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dear dudes:
if you don't have a good body, don't post shirtless pics.
you're welcome. |
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too many lame fin dommes devalue the fetish for the wicked ones. #truth |
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some dude blocked me just because i messaged him to say i was currently wiping my ass with an american flag. some people are so uptight! |
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dear dudes with incredibly specific fetishes:
just pay for it already. just find a professional and pay for it already. you'll be happy. she'll be happy. everybody will be happy and all manner of thing shall be well.
shantih shantih shantih |
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bad news: i'm not filling out an application to be anybody's anything. who do you think you are, starbucks? and even if you were starbucks i'd lie about my references and work history. ANARCHY!@ |
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hmm...forced head shaving. i'd totally hate it.
intriguing. |
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i'll be yr mentor
i'll mentor ya up real good |
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wait if you're a dude why do you have a picture of tits in your profile? oh...those are you? those are your, uh, "pecs"? lol sorry bro, so sorry. |
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masochism is an ego thing for me. i'm into people who wanna hurt/beat/embarrass me because they think i'm too full of myself. it's totally a niche market but so hot when the chemistry is right. the more someone wants to tie me up and leave me squirming the more i know i brought my a game. even when i'm paying for it, i still crave this kind of dynamic. |
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i have pretty fabulous legs. i'll bet if i shaved and posted some leg shots in fishnets and complicated heels i could pull off posing as a fin domme! |
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during the two week period in my adolescence when this video was in heavy rotation on mtv i am sure i jerked it harder and more often to it than i've jerked to anything--ever--since.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuRA86MJ0ro
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wait you noticed a fake profile? here? SRSLY? good work bro. plz expound upon it at length! |
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is it just me or do american and canadian submissive dudes tend to be fatter than other sub dudes? |
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you can totally tell john mayer is going to get fat as fuck the day he stops snorting so much tour support. #truth |
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kanye should come hassle some white chick at the music awards every year. it is literally the only thing that would ever make me watch them. #truth |
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hmm yes please tell me more of your political views. nothing is more important than hearing the opinions of old, poorly educated, fat white dudes. |
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ha ha ha ha a thread i posted asking why there isn't a more diverse body of posters at this particular site compared to other sites with more persons of color/gay posters/etc was promptly "locked for review." speaks volumes, really. :D |
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"you know, back home in indiana we used to have a saying about girls who were that easy. 'let's date 'em' we'd say." the wit and wisdom of woody boyd |
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i have been watching so many full house reruns lately.
fuck yeah 90s sweaters, bro. |
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dear fat republican homophobic dude who keeps messaging me: lol y u so mad? is it bc ur dick doesn't work? :( |
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founding father i most want to party with: aaron burr |
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lol @ people who post self pics in hideously decorated rooms in front of big piles of clothes and other assorted messes. seriously, people, you only need to find like a three or four foot wide patch of your hovel that is debris/rodent free to take a picture. |
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oh, walter white. you magnificent magnificent bastard <3 |
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i wanna mustache like tom selleck |
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all self-improvement is just masturbation. now self-destruction....
(t durden, natch) |
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well you asked me where i came from/in the middle of round 10/and i thanked you for the compliment/before you clarified what you meant |
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moderately stoned. eating some pretty badass peach sorbet. watching a matlock marathon. livin' the dream, bro. |
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what do you guys like best about me? is it my relentless self-obsession? i'll bet it is. |
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couture level flow never goin' on sale |
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perilously low on toilet paper. gonna try to hold out and steal some from work. #slackcore |
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the three people i admire most: emma goldman, democritus, jay z |
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won't somebody....tell this machine i'm not a machine |
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torture idea: hung over, tied to a chair, a ke$ha album on repeat |
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i have to close my eyes when i eat smoked oysters because even though they're delicious they look gross as fuck |
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dude, totally need a sadist to treat me the way master shake treats meatwad |
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dear television remote control,
i took you for granted and i'm sorry and now i've lost you and i'm stoned which is making it way hard to figure out where to look for you and i don't wanna watch adult swim anymore and i literally can't change the channel on my cable box w/o you plz come back i love you <3 |
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dudes, if you're going to post a shirtless pic, post one you take right after a hot shower right after a hard workout. whatever kind of body you have, that's when you're going to be at your popping best. it's just...depressing as shit to look at pics of dudes who just strip in front of their bathroom mirror and take a picture of drooping, flabby, pale man boobs. |
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dear dudes who write long posts with a bunch of shit about your philosophy of bdsm: there is no way i'm reading all of that.
thanx.
yours in christ,
splatterpunk |
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after a hard day of slacking it's time to roll up my sleeves, get stoned, eat some sushi and watch some adventure time. |
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hotness: being tied up with zip cords and held down and given a pink belly until i piss my pants, then blackmailed with the video of it. |
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ha ha ha @ people who continually emphasize how seriously serious they are on their profiles. can't imagine how dreary and dull it would be to take this shit "seriously." |
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prediction: the current crop of brooklyn bands is going to set the land speed record for fastest descent from "indie darlings" into "dad rock." like at some point next week, two weeks from now at the latest, every mini-van in the united states is going to be blasting the new album by the national. |
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lolol @ elderly conservative shit-stains talking about "going off the grid."
don't forget to "go galt" too, bro. |
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and god says, "i dunno, job. guess something about you just pisses me off." |
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pharrell is one weird looking dude. |
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totally hot:
being mummified in duct tape and then abandoned locked up in a closet.
hooray confinement. hooray abandonment! it isn't fun until you realize you really do want to get out! |
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man i sure hope ol' walt white gets his comeuppance.
ha ha ha jk i hope he wins and gets high score and gets to put his initials in the game good luck walt white! |
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want punk chicks to get me drunk on cheap booze and gimme pink bellies, wedgies, swirlies, and leave me duct taped to a chair in a shitty motel room. will pay cash money. |
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a dialogue between robin thicke and splatterpunk (a play in one act)
robin thicke: hey, dude, is it ok if i go ahead and be the next robert palmer?
splatterpunk: sure bro. go right ahead. <3 |
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i love huey lewis and the news and still listen to sports! on the regular.
ANARCHY! |
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ha ha ha gor is dumb as shit |
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"i have experience as a cuckold" lolol
shit, baby |
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just gave magna carta a third listen and it's still super-mediocre. why you gotta break my heart, hova? :( |
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wearing cutoff shorts with little topless mermaids on them and a tank top which depicts a scene of a family of skeletons having a bbq. omg i ball so hard. |
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shit dude i always forget how fast perrier freezes if you leave it in the freezer so now i have carbonated slush-water HELP!@ i'm not responsible enough to live as an adult someone come supervise me plz |
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where have all the ballers gone? |
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fin dommes make a travesty of the lifestyle. which is just one of their virtues. |
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i've now watched every episode of la law and i'm starting the reunion movie. and in no way is that sad. |
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can't remember if i already took my multivitamin today. do i dare take another? what if i od???? |
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once upon a time there were way more nerdgirls here
where all the fucked up nerdgrrls at??? |
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i'd appreciate it if everyone who isn't outraged by the zimmermann verdict would line up, lie face up, and wait patiently for me to come take a shit on their face. i'll be romantic about it, we'll make it into an evening. i'll play debussy's prelude to the afternoon of a faun and you can drink wine but i'm definitely going to shit on your face.
thanks :D |
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i j/o like nonstop to william burroughs and kathy acker |
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eating speical lollipops and listening to yellow magic orchestra consciousness expaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanding like a motherfucker yo |
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it's so hot when women burp
that aint weird or nothin right?
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watching it's the great pumpkin charlie brown while stoned is fucking rad as hell. |
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god i love playing fallout. i can't wait for the world to end. that shit is gonna be so dope. |
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dude sometimes an hour or two after a hard workout i get hyper as fuck again and i just wanna go run three miles in the dark. but i can't because what if coyotes eat me? |
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how bad do you think oscar wilde's hair smelled on nights when he didn't have a date? pretty fucking bad, i bet. |
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took so many uppers last night didn't think i was ever gonna sleep again. today i'm refreshed. i want a pair of those badass mirrored shades like cops wear in movies. fascism is hip. |
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watching tv shows from the 90s stresses me out. so many boxy ill-fitting double breasted suits. OH THE HUMANITY |
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god i have a total sexual crush on corben bernsen |
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lolol "disrespecting the lifestyle" OH NO!!! not the lifestyle!!! |
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im just a brash trash talker baby |
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so obsessed with speedy ortiz. most legit indie rock since hector was a pup |
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anyone who defends that zimmermann dude is straight up racist trash. period. |
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getting stoned as a goat. playing grand theft auto san andreas. living the dream, is what i'm saying |
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fakes??? OMG GASP NOT FAKES OH THE HUMANITY |
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safe sane and consensual lol |
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christ, i wish youtube would quit showing me ads to buy yeezus. i already stole the album weeks ago, and i love it. what more do they expect from me???
i do feel some guilt, though, about taking money out of yeezy's pocket--that could totally go toward him having his other other other other benz coated in platinum. |
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for dinner: a protein bar and a glass of scotch
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i wanna new watch someone buy me a watch plz thanx |
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finished blood and guts in high school. kathy acker was fucking brilliant. |
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some dude got so mad bc i told him he had a bad haircut. i was trying to be helpy :( |
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ur not on a "journey." this ain't jules verne, dogg. ur just looking for some violent sex. realtalk :D |
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the bottle of perrier i just bought is flat. i sure hope somebody gets fired over this! |
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chubby people who wear baggy leather pants lol |
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bo jackson doing 5 hour energy commercials? man, i can't believe *that* dude sold out! |
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when i hear about families who adopt a whole bunch of special needs kids i don't think "oh man that's so heartwarming." in point of fact i think "wow that's creepy as shit. go rescue a kitten from the pound or something instead dudes." |
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it used to irk me a little that ice t started playing a cop on svu. now i take delight in reflecting that he is making serious bank pretending to be a cop on television while real cops are paid almost nada. :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kakUJARSOc
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violence is hot because it's a temporary return to the primal pandemonium. everything else is sad pretense, a case of putting down doilies at the imaginary tea party of the "bdsm scene" |
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m ward's wasteland companion is an absolutely fucking gorgeous album. |
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an open letter to dudes typing endless rants about their chastity:
no1curr
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reading kathy acker's blood and guts in high school. it's fucking brilliant yo. |
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i only have 23 episodes of la law remaining to watch. then what do i do? THEN WHAT DO I DO???? |
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i dig the goth aesthetic but holy shit the music is abominable |
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crucifixion is hot as fuck. |
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ahahah "ethnicity" is a required field? that's fucked up. |
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"safe, sane and consensual" lol what bullshit |
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new jay z album is mediocre as shit :( it's okay though, hova has always been all or nothing, hot and cold. listen to new killer mike instead. dope as fuck. |
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findoms are the best! if you're a findom i wanna be friends with you! but i'm never going to give you any money! <3 |
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i wanna find a pair of faux snakeskin pants pronto! help! |
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