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this big puzzle in front of me.. i have all of the outlying peices in place and all of the colored peices seperated by shades..yet what it looks like all together eludes me.. i dont have the diagram or the blueprint so to speak of whats supposed to be here when its all done.. ironic actually when the picture. after completion... should look however it looks.. thats both a comfort and an irritant.. if i look at each shade and build on those then the whole thing changes.. if i look at the shapes it changes yet again.. and then if i imagine what id love for it to be then i have yet another whole different thing..the most wonderfull thing about this puzzle is that it doesnt have to be anything at all.. but yet it is the most important building process i have undertaken in a long long time.. ultimatly ...good night yet again |
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This new side to me is un-nerving. Then again mabey it isnt so much that it is a new side but one that i have burried and feared for so long that it seems a new thing.. Funny how that works isn't it? Time spent hiding what i really think and feel, so much so that when i have permission to let it go and out,it scares me.. ha ha ha ha i say to myself.. the only one i hide from for real is me.. the things i dream of and long for, the side of me that is depraved, and completely and wholely sexual.. it is liberating to me that i have changed so much and grown as a woman under the hands of patients.. i will write again soon im sure.. lol ttfn
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Another step down the path..a few more paces toward the center.. another place inside of me bared to view and be seen in all its vividness and consternation. two equally strong and seperate parts of me respond in kind right now.. interesting and scary too.. which one is stronger? which one wins at the end of the day...trust takes time to build and establish doesn't it. that wonderfull and scary battle rages.. my own desire sets the stage and the individual parts of me play thier seperate and important parts.. MY cunt is wet... it sounds so wierd coming out of my mouth...i can now associate that word "cunt" and what i refer to as my pussy..rather than the negative feelings it has always given me... a small step but a step still the same.. i FEEL oddly this evening.. secure and stable and off center at the same time...but i gather that that was the point..Feelings and emotions... thoughts and ideas... my brain is going a hundred miles an hour right now and my body is still and relaxed..i do so love descriptives and adjetives... to hear them and feel them as i hear them... audio visual is my combination...i feel like im rambling i just needed to get all that out of my head so good morning again i beleive it is after midnight once again... |
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So continues the journey into self. over and under arround and arround inside my head i go... hiding He says. possibly i may be but here is the true question for me.. is it Him i hide from right now or me? definitions explanations and descriptives i have plenty of.. what im short on are responces.. inadequite. what a painfull word.. yet it seems to suite right now how i FEEL.. what do i want? ballance says i.. love me but love to cause me to hurt too.. cherish me and protect me but cherish the joys and sorrows that belong to You too.. Enjoy me ..and in that i will have some joy too.. i already know what it is to feel the satisfaction of knowing that i can outdo myself at something.. now i get to see if i am "ready" to challenge my own mind to my own goals ..am i ? a goal without a plan is a dream and a dream without a plan is just a dream.. so which catagory am i in? i have some reflecting to do this evening some feeling to sort through ..good morningsince it is after midnight.. and i am off to sleep |
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It is an odd thing for me to be asked a question that i find it hard to awnser.. odd and uncomfortable too.seeking the truest form of myself is no easy task and it is made more daunting by the fact that i first off dont really know how to go about that search. and second by the fact that since i dont really know what the overall outcome will be how do i have a clear pictue of what im seeking? does that make sence? i fell daunted and confused by the combination of information and the feelings inside of me already. =t is hard to seperate the feelings and the facts at times.. This is one of those times. i have found that the more input i recieve at a time the longer the sorting process is for me.. It is probably the student in me that needs to seperate and catagorize everything. to make a list and check list and then systematically go throught it in some organized fashion. lol i am truely ocd sometimes.. information is both a power and a weakness at times.. too much information leaves the ability to just respond at a loss.. anyway im off to sleep ..godd night |
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Oh how we weep when we build our castles in the sand.. that huge wave does in fact come by and releive us of our carefully constructed illusions.. |
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The children start school again today. since it is after 12. I am both relieved and saddened by this. It is always with a heavy heart that i get less time to share my childrens lives. I am excited lately .I have moved into a new home. AND i am buying this one. How exciting for me. The future sometimes is dark and dreary so full of dissapointments and letdowns.Recently the sun has shined its benevelant face upon mine and smiled. Someday I will have that Master that makes me feel the same sence of accomplishment and security that i have at this moment. This all consuming peace that all is as it should be and what it is supposed to be..I have worked hard to reach this place in my life and am greatfull that i have made it here.Good Night to all who stop to read and good luck to all of those still searching as i am. |
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I have been feeling rather sad lately.. What i believe a relationship should be is not what 75% of people believe in.. How sad really..There are core values that belong inside of a relationship of any kind.. Those things are often missing.. I am saddened by the loss of a freindship today.. It was a strong one at one point and has disintigrated down to nothing. I failed to maintain it is what happened.That failure of mine has left me bereft in the wake of feeling horible over all this other shit going on.. it is a fact that we have feelings thank god those feelings are not facts.. |
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Today i am preparing for one of my children to go to another state for the school year.. It a sad day for me i will miss her it is rather like existing without a limb.. She busted her butt and applied to a math science school did the interview and was chosen.. here is the kicker.. she is 11.. i am proud enough to burst at the seams.. as a parent i wonder if i made the right choices and if i have done the right things. if i was strict enough hard enough loving enough listened well enough.. it isnt over yet there atre still a few years with her but still th proof is in the pudding isnt it... she is awsome.. |
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There is a place for my heart somewhere. It is hidden among the weeds and brambles that have grown. Those sharp and painfull points dig into the tenderness. Relentlessly bruiseing already torn and battered places.. Healing is a long and agonizing thing sometimes.. I will endure this. I am going to, step by step, get to the other side. Once apon a time i florished. There was a joy in just being. There was a smile with each sunrise and a smile again at sunset. Today i work myself into oblivion and pass out. Hoping not to feel. not to think. i didnt mean to let the walls down. i never meant to dismantle my gaurd. but i did. i did. and now i yearn and ache . it is stupid. i feel like a foolish child waiting for the damn door to open and santa to deliver my christmas presents to me. i am having a hard time right now believing in the goodness and the honesty of people. There is some place inside of my that i hold apart from all of this and it burns with anger. i revel in it. i fuel it . for as long as i am angry i do not feel the ravage of being carelessly treated. i am a woman . with a womans emotions and a womans tenderness and heart. and they are all in acord in the rawness inside of me.. good night to all.. rest with creator and may he bless those who protect the weak and guide the lost.  |
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Secrets and shadows darken my spirit. Pouring into my heart from the outside and making void the things that make me smile inside. It has been a long month and i am so glad that it almost over. There are a few days off for me at the end of this month and i sorely need them today.. My heart is weary and my mind is heavy.. i feel wrung out and exhausted. in part due to my job but mostly due to the missing pieces of my life.. What i find most ammusing right now is the fact that so many Doms want to talk to this little girl when she is unavailable but when she is ... oh now she is not so desrieable.. amazing that the fickle nature of man is to covet that which is not his.. |
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Secrets and shadows darken my spirit. Pouring into my heart from the outside and making void the things that make me smile inside. It has been a long month and i am so glad that it almost over. There are a few days off for me at the end of this month and i sorely need them today.. My heart is weary and my mind is heavy.. i feel wrung out and exhausted. in part due to my job but mostly due to the missing pieces of my life.. What i find most ammusing right now is the fact that so many Doms want to talk to this little girl when she is unavailable but when she is ... oh now she is not so desrieable.. amazing that the fickle nature of man is to covet that which is not his.. |
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Fear holds us captive to our own selves. it restrains our compasion and limits our capability to love. to be free you must move beyond the fear and see the beauty in all things.
I would like to hold my head up and dance in the rain and to believe in the goodness of men and see the freshness of a childs face. to hear the laughter of a baby. to drink in the smallest littlethings that make it all worth doing.. i will have this. i will be who i am.. i will grow and change. i will become all that i am in time. |
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Bad to worse.. i feel empty and somehow even though i knew some kind of change was coming .. my stomach still clenched when i looked and low and behold half of what i am used to seeing was missing... i had hoped.. i had even begged.. awww fuck it all to hell... Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck... im fucking depressed. i hate the damn ride i have been on lately.. the worst form of torture... being made to wait for the final cut and heres the kicker.. leaving the final blow for what? why draw out the agony? cruel unfair heartless |
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ha ha now i am writing books lol |
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I am feeling rather vivid today... It has been a whorlwind of a week and when i say week i mean the last seven days not the last calander week.. I literally have gone from being under consideration to fucking that all up to being alone in my personal life.. which by the way i am used to... i have discovered that i need forgiveness in my Sir.. as i am human and will error sometimes even to the big issues.. I believe that if the desire is there all things can be worked out.. In this case i am the only one with that desire..oh well ... once again things are not always as they seem.. What i percieve to be is not always what it is.. this is not a new thing in my existance.. There are people in my life that KNOW me and accept me as i am character faults and precious traits together... The time will come for me.. right now it is a matter of watching. listening. learning. I will never be perfect. Nor will He.. although i feel it is an important thing to talk and communicate well. outside of the bedroom. it is rather hard to concentrate well inside of one. i have learned the hard way... when i am sitting on the bed waiting i do not listen well... this is two things for me.. a drawback and a place for growth. this would be an area i need to practice my "behaviour" ... when it is all said and done i am still hurting but i am accepting of the choice .. It sucks to be silent.. it sucks to not be allowed, still, to speak to anyone but this damn journal.. I will be ok see i have been through some serious shit in my life and this is peanuts comapred to all of that.. Rape and molestation and being dropped by my parents into foster care.. addiction... this is a minor thing and it may bruise and be sore for a bit... but it will never hurt me the way ither things in my past have.. i say bring it. i know i am challenging and diffacult. it is hard to have lived as i have and to have survived and not come out on the other side such a woman.. these spoiled coddled women in here do not know pain as i do.. these precious little creatures escaping from thier overbearing parents.. i keep seeing these babies in here looking it amazes me ... i get mail from babies amazing .. oh i guess i am still pisssed off but that in time will pass too... A CHALLENGE i am and i apparently am too much of one for some ... but i knew that was going to happen also... to be my Sir there will be some struggle involved. as i learn to trust.. ha ha trust... i got trust but faith... who can have faith in something if it is not reciprocated? i pose that question do you have faith? any of you? can you blindly believe in the goodness of others ? i try to and i keep getting burned in the process... mabey i should be as They are .. how i wonder would that go... how would a Sir feel to be used and thrown away? hmmm how valuable would You feel then how worthwhile? how special to nkow you are susseptible to the whim of a lowly sub? i am ranting again i am done |
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I can't sleep.. my mind keeps going over and over what has transpired... i feel sick to my stomach... and here is the really fucked up part for me.. i try very very hard to be a good girl.. i care about the happiness of others in general . thier well being thier safety. thier comfort. thier joy. thier sorrow. i am one of those kinds of people.. i am a caregiver naturally. This has not only hurt my heart it has hurt me in that soft spot where i have failed to see to the needs of someone else.. i was unaware of an event before me and so the sensativeness of my choices or decisions was not affected by knowledge.. knowledge is power always has been always will be.. it is the nature of things.. so to be ignorant of something makes one vulnerable.. and so being so i am crushed... id like to stay angry .. although it is not in me to do so.. it ois however a very good shield to pain.. at this moment i feel abandoned. already the dogs circle me sniffing at the remains ... amazing to me... i have become amazed at the vulturistic nature of the male species.. i do not know if what i have done is forgiveable.. it doesnt appear to be.. that doesnt mean that i am available though.. i will wait .. i have waited and waited for many things in my life before.. it is differant here and then again all the same.. i hang my head and allow my tears to clense my soul before i lay down again to attempt to sleep ...AGAIN... this is very hard for me... tears willingly shed and then those that are torn from me... why must we as women be burdened with so much emotion? is it not enough that we feel.. must we feel deeply.. i say in my intro that i am passionate.. that covers all emotions for me... the fears ..the pains.. the joys.. the triumphs.. the anger.. all are equally felt.. i do not mean to be too strong or too wicked.. i need that one who will accept me love me cherish me and hold me while this damn shit falls from my eyes... i have no issues learning.. although in that process i will make mistakes.. sometimes big ones.. if i have not the room to error then i am doomed to fail and then what is the point at all? my creator gave me a huge heart and strong arms to hold on with.. what he didnt give me was the little black book of directions to undertsanding how to deal with the emotions he gave to me... i struggle .. i deserve love. i deserve security. attention and grace... most of all i deserve to be at peace.. it is time .. i have earned it.. in all the things done to and "for" me in my life.. i deserve to know the peace that comes with being in my place and being secure in that place.. im done rambling now i am off to try to sleep again |
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please tell this silly girl how to fix this mess? please allow me the chance to be better |
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My appologies for being a brat.. and for the error in my decisions... i am sorry.. i can do no more than that.. say the words.. |
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i vividly recall telling someone that undertsanding a rule helps in the following of it ... apparently that doesnt count or matter sometimes... it is what it is i fucked up and there is no going back from it... no second run no chance at recovery and that makes this whole mess i have gotten into bad and then worse... apparently i have a hard time concentrating on words after m,y body has been played well and used just as much... oh well i will know better in the future... for the earlier comments i have made here.. Masterbigdawg would please take no offence at my anger ... it is my error and i say publicly here that i am being an ass and a spoiled brat in repsonce to being dismissed ... although i feel like it is a harsh and hard line that he has given me... |
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APARENTLY ANGER ISNT A FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!! i am perfectly capable of saying bullshit if i choose by the way.. expectations are a bitch arent they.. i put my eggs all in a basket and gave them away... freely.. without hesitation... i chose.. made a decision.. and i say again here i sit and cry... they are tears of anger and of pain combined.. the mix it actually quite irritating actually... i am quite mad as a matter of fact.. i have done the best I KNEW how and have been found lacking... wonderfull... fucking wonderfull .... fuck fuck and fuck... being a "fresh" sub sucks... no training sucks.. no consistancy fucking sucks...  |
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 Feelings suck ass when others are aware of them... whatever i liked the walls i had built arround myself i was safe and secure behind them.. or at least i had the illusion of saftey and security... i am FEELING PISSED OFF... ANGRY.. USED...REJECTED.. i am angry because of the other feelings i dont like them and it sucks... MEN SUCK RIGHT NOW... I AM SO TIRED ALL THE FUCKING BULLSHIT TALKING ABOUT HONESTY AND STRAIGHT FORWARDNESS ... WHEN I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY PARTICIPATES IN THIS BEHAVIOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!! PISSED.. PISSED..PISSED..PISSED.. |
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Yay i passed the damn test!!!! i was extatic earlier today... that was some serious work for me poor brain.. On to other things... It is an odd thing to be silent after a large ammount of communication.. but oh well i should be used to this to some degree.. my life has been mostly silent for a long time.. the silence inside my head.. the silence inside my heart.. i would like to have coinsistency in my life some semblance of continuity.. someday there will be in TIME or so i have been told.. Failure to communicate is a poor example of what people do to eachother rather than say what they mean.. or say what they should in place of silence.. I have been slowly clearing out the dust inside of my closets and the rocks i have carried ... I suppose it is the lack of these things that i am used to having arround me that i am noticing.. MABEY... |
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I am completely brain fried i just got done doing some more studyimg for a test tomarrow.. im off to bed.. alone.. a little lonely.. a lot forlorn today.. i am all wrapped up insode of my head at the moment and sorting thoughts to do this is diffacult... so good night |
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Oh my gosh.. i am an odd combination of exhausted and relaxed..A though was posed to me last night.. "you are more into th B&D than the S&M" and this may be true AT THE MOMENT.. There is a fine line between the pain that compliments a pleasure and a pleasure that compliments a pain. I can honestly say that i am not a "Pain Slut". I know that much. i do not however know for certain where the hard line for me is.. What is too much, what is not quite enough. I dont know where these lines of distinction are.. i need to think on this some more and i will write an addition to this later today. |
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NOT HAPPY TODAY!!!!!!!!!! |
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Today has been interesting.. i taught my first class witha test that i prepared today...yay me ... outside of that it has been up and down ... i spent some time preparing for a "possible" meeting for tomarrow night. picking clothes and shoes and polish .i had forgoten to some degree how much i enjoy the preperation process. it is a good feeling to be clean and pretty to even my own standards .. i want to smell and look and BE clean and smooth ... ahh well i had a good time going through my clothes anyway! |
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Yet another day... it has been hecktic for sure. which is again not unusual for me. i have all this stuff running arround in my head.. Have you ever sat down and wondered what IT is in you that people find attractive... I do .. I also wonder what repells them and confuses them and makes them desire and all of those things... I have moments when i am so very unsure of myself and what my value is... i have a power position at work so thats not it... i am raising 3 kids alone so thats not it... ahhh but there is the issue i just said ALONE. i am picky which is more than half the issue.. but then the other half is that ironically enough a good percentage of the time the men i choose do NOT choose me.. My best friend tells me my picker is broke! lol i find that funny but oddly true enough i mean if you knew all the details of my ex husband sheesh ..... ok so i need to stop rambling here and get seriouly to the point...I can soo easiely get all wrapped up in sex that i forget other aspects of life sometimes... dont get me wrong i love physical interactions ( ask anyone who's ever touched me) well im rambling again i need to stop my heads got too much going on to write a clear and organized thought process right now mabey i will re approach this later |
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A new page in the daily book of my life.. smiles.. it is increasingly strange to me to be becoming relaint on someone else.. in the course of my life i have been many things for and to many people. Usually i am the one who cares for and tends to the sometimes random needs of others.. i am a mother above all things so i will guess that some of my charicteristics are just a natural part of that process. back to the subject however. it felt good to spaz out yesterday and have the imediate reponce asking what was wrong.. i suppose that eventually at some point i will be able do get "down and dirty" in here with my feelings.. today i am feeling some anticipation, looking forward to my next encounter with him..already i feel connected. which is in and of itself nervewracking for me. i have a tendancy to withdraw emotionally.. hence the point of this daily discourge.this wall i built arround my feelings a long time ago has been very usefull over the years but it has become a pain in the ass since right now identifying seperate emotions can be hard now. i am unafraid of this man thats courting me. which is good. i find him humourous, direct, patient, clear in his wants and in his directions, intelligent ( a must for me) observant considerate and most of all really and truely embodies most of the charicteristics i have searched for... this is all a learning process the more i speak to him and listen to him the more i learn.. yay me!!!! ok i am done rambling for now .... HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!! |
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Ok so i have this HUGE test to study for and a week to prepare as of today... Oh boy if someone doesnt believe in my brain then i am seriously being set up to fail here... work is making me nuts today... thank goodness i'm a linear thinker and can seperate information into segregated areas of importance.. feelings... today that isnt so hard i am a little off balance due to frustration and fear. i feel insecure in my abilities and have anxiety about passing or failing... I'm one of those people that not only do something but i put all that i am in the box with me.. Perfectionistic, anal retentive and insanely detail orriented.... yup thats me ... at least most of the time anyway.. my freinds tell me i am ocd but i disagree they havn't all been in my house lol |
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I am having an interesting day at work today. Aside from the bat shit crazy lady i had to deal with this morning i am trying very hard to maintain at the moment. Now i am on a mission to find information that the boss would have an easier time of getting but hey thats what being supervisor is about isnt it.. The go to person when the shit hits the fan.. so i am on a mission at the moment. a time consuming and irritating one but a mission all the same... VENTING here but i am agravated ......................................... |
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Feelings are not my favorite thing in the world to discuss..i am very male i that area.. but i will try to be clear here..i had forgotten how it feels to FEEL someone else.. i feel vulnerable right now. naked. stripped. and on that note .... being willing to shed tears for someone is a unique feeling...i feel desired. i feel special. i feel strong and weak at the same time, which makes no sence to me, but, it is what it is. i've been asked to be respectful which is an easy thing to do when you feel respected. when you feel like you matter and have a place.. sometimes even when you arent sure exactly why or how. im going to repeat myself here and say that the feeling aspect of myself isnt one i delve into much... i much rather the analytical aspect of things.. |
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Personal..feelings... It is a strange thing to feel transparent to someone. There is usually the need for me to explain myself to people, to clarify constantly. To draw big damn pictures in color crayons and magic markers to be understood. I had a face to face this weekend... and i was understood, to the degree that is was discomforting to some level. When i thought about it some over the course of the last day and a half i've decided that it isnt scary but comforting. My overactive brain is actually a shield for my very fragile heart.. I have a tendancy to use my brain as a weapon, on a regular basis. It isnt always intentional, but, it is usually instinctive. I say all that, to say, that i felt safe and comfortable being freely open..Odd as that is for me and RARE.. talking to people in here is safe to a large degree, i can say what i wish and not have to see the responces i get.. It is another to be looking at someone in the eyes when you talk to them. i made the statement " i am a very determined and focused person when i have made a decision, either get on the bus or get out of the way" and i meant that..i have chosen to attempt to build in a foreign area on fresh ideas and with new tools.
i was asked for feelings also not just thoughts sooo ... i will remove the symbolism i built up in my last entry and say that the sun is not so much the man himself but his qualities, his character. the feelings i have in responce to those things is very natural for me. i'm drawn like a moth to flame. attracted to the direct honest patient approach to this girl.. thank you.. |
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It is a strange thing to believe in those intrinsic natural traits on instinct.. I trust myself and in that trust have come to trust in others...The madness arround me quiets just a shade in that place of faith.. i believe..thats the begining of all journeys is it not? to believe. Hope Faith Trust Knowledge Peace ...Powerfull words all with a similar base and are connected through the relationships we either build or choose to dismantle...It is an odd place i am in to be systematically wiping out a relationship that for many years has been an ulcer in my heart and mind..and to begin the process and work involved in building a new one..Sweet and sour...in the reverse order thankfully..It is a relief to be shedding the darkness behind me so that i have the chance at least to stand in the sun and be warmed by its embrace..to feel the heat all the way through and be content in it. no matter that it is not ever present and constant..I will LIVE and be happy.. i think i have waxed a little too much symbolism in that last half ...lol... Honor Dignity and Respect my core values and my belief ..i am content today relaxed in the eye of my own storm and calm in the face of it..that much i am incredibly greatfull for |
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This brain of mine is full to overflowing lately... Study stuff for work.Remember all of my tasks. Deal with my children. Trying to keep everything segregated in its place and compartment is tough sometimes but i always mannage... My life is full to overflowing at times and this is one of them...I am a master juggler and damn if i am going ti let the ball drop...this would ne where being a focused and determined female comes in to play. Off to bed to get ready for another day... Night! |
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Have you ever watched a burning ember? The way the colors shift with the softest breath of air. Glowing,changing,living things.There is one inside of me.This living breathing thing.Shifting, changing,expanding becoming something altogether new. The vivid colors burn inside,their very own light to the dark.The funny thing abiut an ember is that if you add tinder and friction it can become a raging inferno.Containment,control,redirection, those words then become incredibly important things.I BURN. |
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The simple choice to be who i am...an intersting process for this girl who was in a married vanilla relationship just 3 years ago.. Finding the most pleasure in being pleasing. |
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to be courted..a lovely phrase in its meaning and its implication...i shall rather like the process as much as the result i think |
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there is little more totally comfortable and then agin nerve wracking than to feel at home inside your own head. = forget sometimes that people can't read my mind and in not sharing whats in there very well i can supprise and also confuse people. There is something to be said for listening well and Hearing even better...i am a decision maker in my own life as i am still single and can do so freely.. i NEED to feel cherished and appealing..to know i am wanted is that so diffacult? i dont think so..I could be wrong but i believe my decisions right now are on point |
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i am in an interesting place right now...im open and filled with wonder.confused and lost. discontent and focused. All at the same time.sometimes when i want something i am willing to wait a long time for it..but what happens when the color has faded and the picture is more blurred than i remember it being. Or even better what if i have grown beyond what i THOUGHT before. heres what i know to be true.. im valuble. im open. honest .direct.curious.flexible.and most of all emotional...so that said.i have serious internal conflict today....it will work itself out in time.the way it is Supposed to be will be clear. i just needed to vent that. |
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I find it odd that I go for months with no interested Doms or Daddy's and then...Like I suddenly became this shiny new toy thrown into the mix... LOL interesting is what it is....I have gone through a peroid of self discovery and self seeking..I was unsure of myself and my place in this world. THAT is no longer the case. I understand self and what my purposes are today..I am woman of many hats and I see that they all fit just in different colors and designs...Thank You to those DaddyLs that gave suggestions and guidance to a lost one not thier own... |
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I am in a rare and incredibly defiant mood... I dislike and find anoying several aspect of my life at the present... Several key points I might add... Ahh Well nothing to do but back up erase some thngs and start freshI suppose.. |
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There is a secret hidden place within my soul that cried out to you.. Didn't you hear it? It whispers to that part of you that desires to create something wonderfull and complete. A timeless treasure to be admired by you and cherished in it's creation. Unspoken conversations without the need for useless words and inadequate explanations. Desire mounts inside of me as I know what the needs to be met are already. Need blossoms when that expression crosses His face.Understanding is the most valuable tool in my arsenal and i MUST use it!!! |
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Wow it is amazing what stating your oppinion in here does to your influx of mail for real... lol So that tells me that apparently very few of the men in here are seeking a woman with a mind... What a pity and what a waste... What is the point then if you can not have intelligent conversations, or enjoy things together, this IS a relationship. It isnt about sex so much as its about finding the person you fit best with is it not? I am getting the feeling that anyone at all will do for some of you "Doms" in here as long as she is willing to be a toy and will simply follow your dictates. I find that very obtuse and odd. Being selective is so much more gratifying!!!! |
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I must say that I have ben getting some "interesting" mail lately. Very little of which I wish to either respond to or even read... Boring comes to mind and annoying also. Some day the man who should be the one to lay claim to me will find me. Hopefully anyway. |
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I have recently been introduced to floggers and found the experiance delicious... What a wonderfull combination of sensation both menatlly and physically.. I am gratefull to patient and diligent men!!! |
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