snippette

Ah, yes. Loving my new apartment.

Cheezus H. Kryst on a glittery fucking graham cracker.

If you send me an email telling me you love me and we've never spoken? I'm going to think you're fucking CREEPY and on some scandalous shit. And don't tell me that it's in my head, it's on YOU for being too goddamned forward when you're weren't fucking invited. BOUNDARIES PEOPLE, GET SOME.

Yeah, no. If you approach a woman with that "ME DOM, YOU SUB, LET'S DO THE DAMN THANG!" attitude before she even knows if you're compatible or trustworthy? You're doing it RONG and are kinda dumb.

Well, not kinda dumb, REALLY dumb.

Just sayin'.

So, yeah. I don't get all these straight men who have 'vibrators' listed in their 'loves' category. Um, do y'all think it's going to give you a +1 with the ladies or something?

I miss my Daddy, something fierce.

So, I've been toying with my inner sadist.

I seem to get really giggly, giddy and full of squee when I cause the boys pain.

I need my Daddy.

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"To have someone give you control of their bodies and minds, to be entrusted with the responsibility to take care of them, to have someone willing to suffer for you, to forsake pride and dignity to please you... what other gift in this world can possibility equate to that?

And more importantly, what makes you worthy to receive it? "

~Unknown~

....

.... Hey, I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
Hey, I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
They, they betray
I'm your only true friend now
They, they'll betray
I'm forever there
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel, sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true, sad but true

You can choose to lead me, but goddammit, you better keep a death grip on the leash.

You can choose to follow me, but if you do, get behind me and don't bitch about where I take you.

You can choose to be my equal, but we'll walk side by side and share in everything together.

Once you've made a choice, stay in your fucking lane, changes are prohibited.

And if you can't choose where you want to be, get the fuck out of my way.

I've got shit to do.

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Sometimes, cruel IS kind.

Another awesome compliment:

I want to be you when I grow up, but without the dismemberment.

<3 My

One of the best compliments I've ever received:

I don't just luff yew...I wanna lick your brain, and have raunchy sex with your words. Alphabet/brain porn. I wanna do dirty, nasty things all over your perspectives and insights.

Then, I want to share a cigarette with you. :o)

Yeah, this.

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You know, if you're going to write a woman with seemingly sincere intentions of wanting to start a relationship, it might be pertinent and honorable to tell them you already have a babygirl.

And never assume she's too stupid or too charmed by your attention to run your name through the search feature on other sites.

Just sayin'.

I'm a very detail oriented person who absolutely adores a good head game.

They're the one thing that trips my trigger hardest and I happen to be really fucking good at them. It's a rare occurrence that I don't get exactly what I want, with folks wearing a smile while giving it to me.

In fleshworld, I'm a big ol' bitch about my shit. Ain't no shame in my game. Ain't no hair on my tongue.

I wasn't always a good person, but experience has changed me. I perfected manipulation back in tha' day and it's the one thing I can't seem to change. Fuckmerunnin' it makes me hot. Having someone who beats me at my own game makes me putty. Silly Putty™.

It isn't ever malicious anymore, but it is self-serving. I try my damnedest not to leave a path of destruction. I don't lie. I don't cheat. I don't steal. It took me a long time to realize that honesty, loyalty, charm and a little TLC can get me whatever I want.

I let people know exactly what they're getting into with me.

I'm fairly non-judgmental and by that I mean, if I care about you, I can accept damn near any flaw.

There's a hitch, though.

I got rules. Yeah, I know, friendships shouldn't have rules. Well, fuck that, I got me some rules anyway and I don't expect anything I'm not willing to reciprocate when you need me to.

I've spent too much of my life with no-good motherfuckers that I allowed into my life.

Now, I have a big ass sign that I tote, loud and proud, "No-good motherfuckers, exit, stage left."

Thing is, being good doesn't come naturally to me. I have to actively work at it. I mean, let's keep it real. I'm the bitch that fucked the bitch that my man was fucking just to teach him a lesson.

Which brings me back to manipulation. Head games.

'm going to study you. I'm going to figure out what makes you tick and I'm going to give you what you need from me. I'm going to figure out what gives you flight and what makes you fall flat. Everything is a tool. You can't tell someone, "Hey, you're not being the best YOU (that you are with me) you can be," and hope they get it, unless you know exactly how to make it hit home. Maximum impact.

I'm smart enough to have realized that no one person can give you everything you need. You can't give me everything I need and I can't give you everything you need. I used to be one of those people that being around was like getting sucked into a vortex. Thank gawd I came to understand diversification.

I'll figure out what you're bringing to the table, what needs you'll fill. I'll figure out what you need, from me and I'll carve out my own little niche in your life and I'll commit to it.

I have far too much pride to ever let someone walk away from me thinking, "Man, I regret ever meeting her." A victory doesn't count if I can't walk away, head held high.

Unless, of course, you -like- hit someone I love and you're all out of pocket about it. Then, it's headbuttin' time. Just sayin'.

Yeah, I'm a prideful bitch.

It's because being a selfish cunt is so much easier. Not giving a fuck is so much easier. I know, from experience, and it's habit to reach for my most comfortable pair of shoes.

I have to work at doing the right thing. When I feel hurt or betrayed, my first instinct is to strike back viciously. I have to stop and think because doing the right thing might not feel good right now, but it sure is sweet on the lips later.

And if I can work at it, so can you.

You can be a grimy motherfucker to everyone else you know, but you won't be a grimy motherfucker to me.

My environment is tightly controlled. Tighter than frog pussy.

It runs smoothly and basically drama-free.

Everyone has their niche in my mix.

I don't expect too much, but what I do expect, I better fucking get. Not because I'm entitled to it for breathing, but because I know I'm that bitch that has your back.

Romantically, though, it becomes a big fucking problem, this fucking pride.

I'm good at being a good human being and I'm cocky enough to own that shit.

Yeah, this pride, pride I work at maintaining because fuck if I'm not my own worst judge, jury and executioner and just... fuck that. I choose to stay out of court. I avoid doing shit I'll feel guilty about like the black plague and it tends to give me a pretty fucking swollen head.

The people in my life are my orchestra, they each love their instrument and are more than happy to make music with me.

Til they're not.

And my pride rears its ugly head.

All that goodness I've consciously and methodically put out now becomes a possible weapon. One I try really hard not to use. Sometimes, unsuccessfully.

My whole M/s journey has been about finding the man who was interested enough, strong enough and smart enough to know exactly what code I want to live by and expect nothing less from me. Ever.

A man whose code mirrors mine enough that there is no hiding from him.

If he points out a flaw, it really is a flaw and it needs to be fixed.

I can't very well stay in alignment with him, if I'm not in alignment with me.

A man who won't let me slide on my self-proclaimed code, when it's easier to do just that, is a man that can run this fucking show. I mean, fuck, I'm not perfect, no matter how hard I try or how much I attempt to delude myself into thinking I am.

I get pretty puffed up once in a while and need knocking off my pedestal. Once the tears of indignation have stopped flowing and I've dutifully eaten humble pie, I'm actually grateful. Grateful I wasn't allowed to be the person I work so damn hard NOT to be.

And making me feel gratitude takes effort, a steady diet of effort, because I'm on my game. I know where my queen is and I have my king protected.

Give me what I need and everything I want? I'm running roughshod.

My orchestra.

Give me what I need and know when NOT to give me what I want? (yeah, timing IS everything) You're the guy holding the stick with a carrot tied to the end.

Your orchestra.

Head games.

And I'm dangerously charming.

See through them and you own my ass. Check me when I'm out of line and make me see it, you own my heart.

Yeah, I love me some fucking head games.

Peek-a-boo, I see you.

Come by and read my blog @ thevelveteenhoodrat.blogspot.com

Please, keep your wank fodder to yourself. If you want to approach a woman, have some class. A wall-o-text of what you want to do to and/or with a woman you have no knowledge of is rape by font. It isn't cute. It isn't a turn on and it only makes you look like the shallow cocktard you are.

Mr. W., Rip (because in his younger years, had no qualms about *ripping* someone with a knife), was my friend.

We met four years ago when i moved into the apartment upstairs from him.

He was crotchety, jaded, grumpy, always right, said things only old people get away with, drove me crazy, and could have worried Jesus off the cross.

We shared food, we shared laughs, he tried to give me wisdom.

I adored him and, apparently, the feeling was mutual. The last conversation he had was with his daughter and the subject was me. He told her he trusted me with his life.

I ran his errands, paid his bills, did his shopping, washed his clothes, listened to all his stories, watched ball games with him and it was me that opened his door yesterday evening fully expecting to fix his dinner like I'd done so many times before and found him dead. All of the things his family couldn't be bothered to drive two hours to do.

I called 911, then his daughter who he only began talking to again 10 years ago, who hadn't seen his since childhood and broke the news. This was followed by being commanded by the CPD to remain in the apartment until the medical examiner arrived. If you've never been forced to sit in an apartment for 3 1/2 hours with a dead body, I don't recommend it.

It was me who collected all his money and gave every penny to his daughter. It was me who told them where all his valuables were hidden.

I ended up being the one to deal with the landlord. I ended up being the one to find a way to fund a funeral.

But tonight's glowing display of humanity made me come up to my own apartment and puke my guts out.

Here are these people who, for all intents and purposes, were compete strangers to him-they didn't know which was his favorite hat, or his favorite fishing pole, which was the family bible, where his minister's license was-and i watched as his grandson who he'd never even laid eyes on packed his pockets full of Rip's memorabilia. I watched him toss the contents of this beautiful man's life into a haphazard, disrespectful, "keep" pile.

I stood there calm as could be, but inside i was hit by a tidal wave of shame. If Rip had seen this, he would have been horrified. He would have cracked him in his nappy ass head with his walking stick.

It was upsetting to say the least, but they saved the best for last.

As he was going through Rip's treasured knife collection tossing in the occasional, "Oh, I'm keeping this right here!", and the condescending comments to me about how he knew SO much about his granddad...he stops dead in his tracks and asks me...."Did he have any handguns?"

The abject misery that appeared on his face when i answered "no" was...sickening.

While I stood there and calmly attempted to explain the particulars of getting the funds for his funeral, they couldn't be bothered to *really* listen. They were far too busy acting like vultures picking a carcass clean.

When they began discussing taking home the cleaning supplies, i knew i'd not have anything of Rip to remember him by because these folks weren't going to offer me a gawddamn thing.

But, yanno, I really thought I'd get a "thank you".

death brings out the worst in people.

oh, and fuck you Mother Nature, you could have held my period off for a few more days instead of gushing to attention in the middle of this feeding frenzy.

i want to puke, again.

Dear Mr. Spam-I-Am,
I'd rather eat green eggs and ham.

I do not want to lick your poo.
I do not want to be your loo.

I do not want to do the do.
I do not want to moo for you.

I will not drink your rancid brew.
I won't dress up like Gary Gnu.

I will not fuck your workplace crew.
I suspect you'll tell me I'm not true.

I do not want to marry you.
Pretend I am a vapid shrew.

I really hate to break the news,
You're a spineless, grammarless whackadoo.

If this is how you try to woo,
You really need to get a clue.

If you show me your crooked cock,
I might just clock you with a lock.

If you feel the need to fap amok, 
I highly suggest Vaseline and a sock.

I know you think you really rock,
But your ignorance I truly mock.

I won't respond to, "hey bitch, kneel!"
I'd rather stab you with my high heel.

I will not do ass-to-mouth.
You fucked-up, senseless, nasty lout.

I will not play with glory holes.
No matter our prospective roles.

You cannot have my Yahoo, AIM or Skype.
For the love of Gawd, put down the crack pipe.

Dreedle, drizzle, drazzle, drone.
Time for you to toddle home.

This whole ideal that a slave gets and maintains her sense of worth from her Master, *solely* from her Master, is romantic tomfoolery. A slave needs to understand her inherent worth.

I want to put this into terms of owning a home.

Whether that home is in a ritzytizzy neighborhood, or in the ghetto, it STILL HAS VALUE and can have it's value increased. The house isn't arrogant for having value, and neither am I.

The property owner understands that shit is going to break. Other shit is going to need upgrading. Not to mention general maintenance all around. Trash, clean-up, utilities.

For the most part, the owner gets to choose when he does certain things. When to install that new floor. When to change the windows. When it gets new paint. When to rake the leaves. When to send the check for the water bill.

It isn't a matter of *IF* it gets these things, but *WHEN*. The house isn't arrogant for needing these things, and neither am I.

There are things my house needs, and take me as is and DO what needs doing when the fuck you get ready to, but damn it, DO it.

It's no more arrogant for me to expect that I get some niceties, seeing as those same niceties improve the value of HIS property. A rose bush here, an apple tree there. It's as it should be. That is why people invest in property, isn't it?

Then there are those unexpected emergencies.

Those things that need to be tended to and repaired, right. fucking. now.

Broken pipes. Blown furnace. Backed up sewer. Flooding.

All things the owner gets blindsided with. Things he has NO CONTROL OVER. If he's a good owner, he figures out the problem based on the symptoms, noises and aromas, and fixes it, the right way. Once he does, he can be certain he won't have to hear from that part for another 30yrs. The house isn't arrogant for blowing a valve or getting a clogged drain, and neither am I.

Do you curse the house for having a need that needs to be tended to right now? Fixed, *right now*? You do if you're a slumlord. If you're an owner, you do what needs to be done, take it in stride and know you're keeping something of value, valuable.

Just because I am human does not negate the fact that I am like any other property. Shit. fucking. happens. Fix it, or don't call yourself anything but what you are, a slumlord undeserving of owning a home, simply, because you have no concept of the differences between house and home, and the differences of what each has the potential to provide.

So, if being a house that wants a homeowner and not a slumlord makes me spoiled, if expecting from my owner anything less than what any smart property owner knows, then fuck it, I am the most spoiled bitch on the face of the earth.

If I do not know that all of the twisted, cruel, manipulative, gentle, tongue-biting, bending to the will of another is worth something, then I have no business trying to find, or be with, a man who will take what I have and do what is best with it. Period.

If he is a man that does not understand what he has been blessed with by God/Allah/Universe/Karma..whatever, then he isn't a man worth serving. Who I have the potential to be is your gift from life. What I give you isn't a gift, the endless potential you have been given by fate to twist to your will, is.

In contrast, to have a man that knows what he has, and appreciates it, is a man WORTHY of calling himself Master. He is a man who knows what owning property entails. I don't want a slumlord, and if I weren't absolutely positive of my worth, I may end up property of one.

I don't expect anything more than to be recognized as a miracle in your life, the same way I recognize you're a miracle in mine. We are gifts to each other, what we are together is our lessons, and our potential gift to the world. My gratitude isn't to you, it is to that which gave me to you, that which crossed our paths. I give to you in recognition of what I have been given by something greater than you, to serve and honor that gift, every day, in every way, is my purpose and...

it. is. valuable.
Just as valuable as you are.

It may be such that a slave's *increased* worth is determined by her Master, but a Master's *increased* worth is determined by his slave. The more she is worth, the more HE is worth.

He gets what he pays for, he gets out of it what he puts into it.

Some men shop Wal-mart, some men want Barney's of New York.

Meaning, I want a man who is willing to put in the work and appreciation and devotion it takes to make me property worthy of being in a Barney's store, and not as a blue light special from K-Mart.

If I don't know I am better than the clearance rack, I'm never gonna make the runway.

Excerpt from "My Curse~The Afghan Whigs"

Hurt me baby
I flinch so when you do
Your kisses scourge me
Hyssop in your perfume
Oh I do not fear you
And slave I only use as a word to describe
The way I feel when I'm with you

Am I the only one that has realized that there will be four dates this year consisting of all #1's?

1/1/11

1/11/11

11/1/11

11/11/11

weird.

I used to think I did the honorable thing because I was honorable.

Honorable with dishonorable intent is the charge, guilty is the verdict.

Truth is, the high road is paved with gold and it winds its way through the land of milk and honey. I do the honorable thing because it gets me what I want. I manipulate it until it serves me. Be it for money, sex, power, adoration, loyalty, smug satisfaction, divine retribution, laughable irony or poetic justice.

And when I've sated myself of the desire du jour, I slip away, fingers still greasy, respect intact.

It's completely self-serving.

Not to mention, guilt, remorse and bittersweet memories of goodness lost, left behind to live rent-free in another persons head are mighty sticks to walk softly with.

The rush of being able to righteously beat someone with them, if only in my mind, to get drunk on their blood and feast on their flesh, is indescribably sublime.

So, what do you do with an honorably dishonorable girl who longs to be feasted upon, with the same fervor in which she feasts? One who aches to intoxicate another with her blood, one who savors and appreciates its heady effects as deeply as she does? A predator that needs to be prey, for once in her life?

For the first time, in a long time, everything seems to be going my way. Changes I've been fighting long and hard for, the means with which to make those changes.

What am I going to do with a whole new life?

soooo, I'm loving me some Facebook....found my first ever boyfriend...pwahahaha

fucking people.

you'd think with tagging myself as a slave, and being a total bitch in my profile would keep the morons at bay, but, nooooooooooo.

and now, because i stated i was uninterested in tying this dumbass switch male from florida to a bed and using his genitals as an ashtray, he has decided to send me numerous emails calling me vulgar names on more than one screen name.

my advice to him? get a fucking blow up doll, with his attitude he'll die with his tallywhacker in his own mouth.

It's getting down to the wire. Moving day. UGH. I am so stressed out.

So many ask me how i can possibly identify as a slave when my profile and obvious personality 'quirks' are so stereotypically untypical.

Someone made a post and i'd like to quasi quote her. It was brilliant. She explained it far better than i ever could, with far less pomp and circumstance. 

"Then there are some who want a partner for life, a worthy adversary for their S&M interests and leanings, someone who is bound to them similar to a knight and their king. Someone who will follow them to hell and back, but can carry their own baggage.
For them its not about obedience & service, its about fealty and loyalty."

ok, as messed up as this may seem to some, i am absolutely fascinated with 'chicks with dicks'.

beautiful faces, beautiful tits, nice body, big hairy cock.

...and all i can do is stare with morbid fascination and curiosity.

what's up with that?

Clue-By-Four DuJour:

If your first reaction to an s-type disagreeing with you is to stomp, pout, whine, and lash out at the s-type for daring to do so, you might want to consider turning in your Dom union card.

So, I've been doing some thinking about spirituality. Well, some is a wee bit of an understatement. It's more like a scorching, unquenchable desire to KNOW my purpose.

I do not and will not lay claim to any organized religious doctrine. I do, however, have a very strong sense of spirituality, of what is intrinsically right and wrong. I do my best to overcome the negative parts of me, to transcend and evolve, to actively and consciously make a concerted effort to do the right thing, even when the banal tempts and taunts me otherwise, and to remain always 'aware' and 'tuned-in'.
It is a commitment I have made to The Universe and all that is in It, and of It.
I am also a fallible human and, many times, fail miserably.
There are also those times when I can feel Him radiating from my core like a warm, summer sun...
and in those moments, I know I have done what I was meant to do.
I have served my purpose.
His purpose.

In my numerous discussions with my daughter and her friends, I have discovered that if I were to ever wish to revert to Islam, I would most identify with the Sufi and their teachings.

Here are some of my beliefs:

i believe we are the energy we radiate...what we attract depends solely on what we emit..
i believe vengeance is unnecessary, what we do unto others will be done unto us...times three. every act has a consequence.
i believe my only entitlement is the pursuit of happiness...everything else i receive from life, i should be ready and able to deserve, because i've earned it, not because i think it is owed to me, if only because i am alive...
i believe in synchronicity, not coincidence...Wisdom and Direction whisper to us, we just have to be alert and quiet enough to hear it...
i believe everyone deserves a chance...some deserve 12 chances...some deserve 12 chances cubed...regret can be a bitter pill. if i can forgive them, maybe they can forgive me...
i believe in the power of 'community'.
i believe if i need a miracle, i need to be a miracle for someone else...miracles don't always come with the magnitude of moses parting the red sea...sometimes a miracle is a hand to hold and a kind word, exactly when you need them most...sometimes it's a new pair of shoes, sometimes it's a few hot meals and a safe place to lay your head...if i have it to give, i will and should...i may need a miracle one day, too.
i believe God IS the collective conscious...the energy of every living thing connected to the energy of every other living thing...our actions rippling out...like tiny waves of water after tossing in a stone...affecting everything in it's outward-growing path...

I didn't come to the above conclusions based on religious indoctrination, I came by them through experience.
Through insanity. (ie: The act of doing the same obtuse acts, over and over, exactly the same, and expecting different results.)
Through being open to awareness and making an effort to remain aware at all times.
I also learned much through the practice of Reiki. The five basic tenets of which are:
1) The secret art of inviting happiness. (be what you desire)
2) The miraculous medicine (Ki or Chi; GodForce) for all diseases.
3) At least for today:
*Do not be angry.
*Do not worry.
*Be grateful.
*Work with diligence.
*Be kind to people.
4) Every morning and evening, join your hands in meditation and pray with your heart.
5) State in your mind and chant with your mouth, for improvement of mind and body.

I truly believe there are those that absolutely "feel" God, Allah, Universe, Energy, Higher Power.
Those that have become aware.
Those that have relinquished the ego of self and broken it's inherent, misery-creating bondage.
Then, there are those that use the idealism of those same omniscient, omnipresent and awe-inducing concepts (for lack of a better term) for their own personal agendas.
Power. Greed. Self-worth. Sense of entitlement. The assuaging of guilt. Narcissism. Vengeance.
The list goes on and on and on....

My journey and lessons, thus far, can be wrapped up nicely in a mere few sentences. I had to learn to recognize God in others, even those deemed void of God. Only in doing so was I able to see God in myself. To realize that as long as He is in me, I have worth that no one can take from me. I have purpose, even if it appears to others that i am stagnant. That I must require from all (as well as self), the respect and honor that God deserves, as He exists in me, and is represented through my existence and impact in this life. That good and evil, yin and yang, dark and light, right and wrong, war and peace, viciousness and tenderness, ugly and beautiful, these must all simultaneously exist, because without the balance of extremes, nothing would exist at all. There is no 'great mystery' and in seeking the answer to the 'great mystery', we've missed the entire point:
God is Love, and we were all created to love...AND to allow ourselves to be loved. Simple, logical, cyclical, infinite, eternal and no 'great mystery' at all.

I've encountered countless people in my travels who have developed, on their own, the same flavor of beliefs as myself. I tend to attract "mystical" and "spiritual" types; those that operate within organized religions, and those that do not.
What resonates among every one of them?
The awareness, embracing and honoring of, along with the obedience to:
The Voice In The Back Of Your Head That Screams What's Right And Wrong And Never Shuts Up When You Step Off Your True Path Or Rightly Deserve To Feel Guilt and Shame And Ache With The NEED For Atonement Of Transgressions And Forgiveness Of Those Transgressions.

So, my question(s) is this:

For those that have come to awareness, connectedness...when it all comes down to it, do we not all intrinsically know what we know what we know?
Aside from obvious ritualistic differences and set 'rules and regulations'..are we not all feeling the same jaw-dropping, life-changing, awe-inspiring, ego-humbling FORCE?
Do we not share the same awakening to the 'voice in the back of your head' that screams right and wrong? The One that whispers warnings and guides us? The One that punishes and rewards us, if only within the confines of our conscience?
Because, really, that voice in our head is the one that punishes us worst of all. It's also that voice that tells us when we should be happy with who and what we have become. It tells us when it's o.k. to feel peaceful and confident in our journey.
Could it be that that is the voice of God?

My greatest prayer for humanity is that we all, whatever religion, whatever race, whatever place amongst the caste system, begin to recognize this in one another and stop using God as a reason to separate and conquer, and begin using God as a reason to come together and transcend. That, instead of using our rituals and observances and standards as a means to disrespect the Godforce by tearing each other down, we learn to respect that we all worship and defer in our own fashion and to keep in awareness that, even though we have different approaches, the adoration and awe we experience are for the same instinctual, 'deeply embedded in our DNA', Awareness and Knowing of Him. That, eventually, we will learn to lift each other up, so that each of us can exalt Him in our individual purpose, in accordance with His plan.

After all, we are all of Him, because of Him and for use in His grand plan.

Love.
Be Loved.

Just my $.02.

Namaste.

"Anyone can become angry?that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way?this is not easy."
~Artistotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

CLUE-BY-FOUR DuJour:

Cock shots don't catch girls.

Chocolate, diamonds, cute stuffed animals and integrity do.

(thanks, rose)

Profile of the Sociopath

This summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths. You know this guy?

?Glibness and Superficial Charm
?Manipulative and Conning
?They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
?Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

?Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

?Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

?Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

?Incapacity for Love
?Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

?Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

?Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

?Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

?Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

?Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

?Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

?Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them. Authoritarian, Secretive, Paranoid
3. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
4. Conventional appearance
5. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
6. Extreme narcissism and grandiose

I am so tired of being 'too'.

Too emotional.
Too needy.
Too demanding.
Too damaged.
Too intense.
Too deep.
Too dark.
Too kinky.
Too nice.
Too angry.
Too understanding.
Too smart.
Too strong.
Too sensitive.
Too resilient.
Too detached.

Why is it so few people can handle 'too'?
sighs heavily

Here's a little fable:

Once upon a time the different parts of the body got into an argument over who was going to be the boss.
The brain said it should be the boss because it thinks, it makes all the other parts of the body function.
The legs piped up and said they should be the boss because without them the body couldn't move to get food to keep the brain alive.
The eyes piped up and said they should be the boss because without them the body couldn't see to walk to feed the brain.
Finally, the asshole speaks up and says he should be the boss. All the other body parts laughed. In retaliation, he decided to close up. Days went by.
The brain got foggy.
The legs got weak.
The eyes got blurry.
Eventually, they all surrendered to the asshole.
Moral of the story:
You don't have to be smart, or strong, or perceptive, you just have to be an asshole.

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me

Yeah, I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?

So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess

See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?

I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho

Average every day sane psycho

Hello snippette, I've made every woman that was ever in love with me squirt and a few who weren't. I don't think there's any woman out there that can't do it. I think it might be more about finding someone that you feel comfortable enough to totally let go with and also knows what they're doing. The last total squirting newbie I made do it by tying her legs to her ankles and then to a couple eye hooks above the bed so she was spread open and mostly immobilized.?I then?tied her hair up as well so it would pull on it whenever she moved her head. Then I started on her with the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator and after she got very wet I used the very end of it just inside the front of her vagina as an insertable and she totally soaked the bed after having multiple orgasms. She loved it but after I released her and?she saw how much she had squirted and how wet the bed was she kind of freaked out.?She skulked off and?went downstairs out into the garage where I found her and talked to her about it crying because she felt embarrased by it. After assuring her it wasn't urine which it isn't, and reassuring her it was very sexy and hot she now loves it. Most women I've trained to squirt I've done it with my fingers while making out combined with light up close domination?and talking them into letting go by whispering dirty things in their ear.

Anyways, don't stop trying but don't really try, if it feels like you have to pee when you're having sex or being fingered?don't be ashamed to let it out. If the guy you're with doesn't like it, find one that does. I've had a couple women tell me that vanilla men have acted disgusted when they've had a squirting orgasm. It's not urine, it comes out of the?urethra but it comes from some other part of your body not your bladder. It's like the path to the bladder gets blocked and this other passageway where this female ejaculate is stored at opens up. Going to the bathroom before sex though is a good idea just to reassure yourself that it's not urine if anything. If it were urine my bed would smell like a truck stop toilet it has been squirted on so many times, though I generally lay towels down for it most of the time. It's really just a watery liquid and doesn't have much taste either, ambrosia.

i am nearly 43, me and my "10 little indians" learned my body waaaaaaaay before a man ever did. i have accepted the fact that i am not multi-orgasmic, i am also not a squirter.

i have very powerful orgasms, sometimes to the point of passing out. i do not want to be touched afterward, it is excruciatingly painful. i also have the same excruciating pain when a vibe is used.

what irks me to no end, are the platitudes of men who swear they can make me multi, squirt, or able to tolerate a vibe.

what i find happens most with men is that instead of hearing what is being said to them, they ignore it and push onward. most times this just forces me to feel like i have to fake it because they EXPECT it...too many times i have opted for the honest route and been punished for being unable to cum when commanded.

First official press release for connectedQ.com:

For immediate release:

well, Q'sters, it's friday the thirteenth.

what better day to issue an official welcome to our new members and issue our first press release in one fell swoop. haha. honestly, though, it's quite indicative of our whole philosophy here at Q. keeping things simple, practical, and logical, with a dash of spiritualism. where everyone gets a voice, and their voice gets heard. a cooperative effort between everyone for common goals.

speaking of philosophies, i thought i'd talk a little about ours.

ConnectedQ's vision and mission is to empower the GLBTQ community--spiritually, emotionally, socially, politically, and economically. it's the first of it's kind to encompass social networking AND e-commerce. whatever you need, we hope there's a place for our members to find it, and in doing so, you support someone within our community. you don't need to be gay to join, just gay friendly! everyone knows someone who is gay. friend, cousin, sister, son. it's time we stopped pretending we don't exist and unite to become a force to be reckoned with. in all the aspects of our lives.

as one of our members so eloquently described in her assessment of our site: "the internet's first global GLBTQ social networking/e-commerce site has launched! bring your politics, businesses, opinions, personalities, support and most of all, love. "

thanks *you*, you know who you are.

we want to support forums whose aim is not debates, but solutions. there's room enough in everything for everyone to be content. we are still in our beta version, but we have huge dreams! one of which is to develop real-time vote tabulation when it comes to major decisions of our direction as a community. this community has been splintered for far too long. we have all, whatever our gender identification, been discriminated against because of who we are, whether it's gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or other orientation.  

we welcome ALL of you. in one forum. to unite into one solid being. everyone having a place and a purpose. that's what it's about. networking. member #12 may know someone who knows someone who can fix an unexpected bug somewhere. this philosophy can be applied to any situation. sometimes it may take a little work and patience, but it gets done. and as people become as passionate about our dream as we are, the universe will help us sustain.

which brings us to the announcement that we will be launching a donation page on december 31, 2009. it will be unique in that it will only allow a $1/day maximum donation per member. one dollar at a time. six degrees of seperation. which, off-handedly addresses another of our visions: to have constantly updated accessibility to our costs and income, offering votes on certain issues. ie: donations and endorsements: spiritual, emotional/mental, social, political, and economical, and what will be donated and/or endorsed, based on what products/services/organizations/businesses get the *Q* of approval by popular vote among our membership.

big dreams, i know, but we can do this!

you may have noticed we changed our skin a bit. next to our logo we have added a *Movement Of The Day*, we are also hoping to soon have a *Documentary Of The Day* that corresponds to each movement. again we ask for contributions, if you submit it in full, with links to the documentary, we will do our best to get it on the schedule asap.

we say a humble thank you to all that have given their support with their membership. we ask all of our members to be patient with us. get passionate with us. tell everyone you know who might fit right in to come give us a visit. if there's an idea, talent or passion you have and you want to contribute, write to us, if you think you have a solution, write to us. once a day, run the link on your feeds. it takes just a few seconds to share a site on a feed. we do it all the time in games and other applications. together, grass roots, we can make this happen, the same way we would if we could have an endless 'crew' memberships in game apps, lol. we have managed to bring in twenty-seven members in three days. not bad for a 'kid', his mom, his sister, their family and their friends.

to everyone who has jumped on the bandwagon, thank you...

sincerely,

the mad scientists, artistic dreamers, spiritual sages, emotional empaths, social butterflies, economic realists and political enthusiasts hiding behind the curtain ::winks::

Obtaining the submission of a vulnerable, unsure woman is easy.
Obtaining the surrender of a self-reliant, self-aware woman is divine.

we are flip sides of a coin. neither able to actualize their desires without the other.
we are societal vanilla and decadent kink.
we are absolute stability and utter chaos.
we are uproarious laughter and soulful tears.
we are protective tenderness and wicked sadism.
we are innocently carefree and deadly serious.
we are intricately interwoven and lovingly detached.
we are insatiably greedy and selflessly magnanimous.
we are rose-colored glass fantasy and x-ray vision reality.
we are sun and moon.
we are equal and unequal.
we are Owner and pet.
we are Daddy and little one.
Together, we are all of this and more...
Together, we are Master and slave.

"When life gives you lemons, grin impishly like an eight year old, load them in a slingshot, and send them back!!"     
 ~*~*me*~*~