slvonjourneyanew

Male Submissive, 31, New York

Dominant Couple, 45

Male Submissive, 47

Another day has passed and I leave for Master's clutches tomorrow.     Master had me write down my rules he has gifted me.  I seem to be having trouble with my focus shifting during tasks.  The hardes thing I have a habbit is having habits.  Master explained to me I have no habits or insticnts.  The only one I should have is to ask Master in regards to most everything.   My ass is a bit sore today and my clit is kind of angry at me lol It feels great in my mind when we play but I worry my discomfort will take away from Master or I's pleasure when he takes me.     Traning I didn't realize how much it could hurt me inside.  I am my hardest critic and I know Master is trying very hard to provide consequences to help train me but it hurts.  Hearing my Master's voice when I have mibehaved is really horrible and makes me physicaly ill.   Master talked more to me about my surafcing feeling in regards to me as a woman being broken down as I am built from the ground up as his slave.  I enjoy to listen to Master's words because they usually speak to my loins.   I enjoy being on edge for Master.  I feel it will help me to face more challenging physical tasks that lie ahead in our journey.   It makes me happy that he sees in me the untapped potential to be his amazing slave.  Since I was a little girl I wanted an intensity and structure that no one could provide.  I settled twice in relationships where it never came to pass.  Master is the first person ever that I have felt he has the capacity to take me to these places I drempt of and others I never knew of.   I LOVE my Masters dirty, pervy, passionate, and dominant mind.     As for tasks today they were focused on breaking down my barriers in the forms of privacy and as a woman.  I spent the day in pee filled panties and I poured a glass full over my head with my eyes open.  Both times I licked at the shower floor.  I really did enjoy it until I was getting cold.  I am pretty sure it will be a whole different ball game with Master there in person and not just on the phone.  I felt good inside after I accomplished the tasks and even remebered to correct the infraction during yesterdays task when I closed my eyes.     Master informed me I am everything every woman has ever wanted to be.  He also pointed out that I am nothing, I am a slave.   I have a life chaning next couple of days ahead of me.  I still need to pack and write a letter to release everything that is holding me back behind in Nebraska.  Tomorrow is a new world and I am literally happy and elated that I have already gotten an amazing taste of what is to come.  It is very hard to be that perhaps maybe it is my turn to truely be happy and be authentic without skipping out on all the other aspects of life.  What as extrodinary thought.

Last night was filled with overwhelming mixed emotions.  Sunday will be a day to remember I am thinking for the rest of my life.  sunday I will be presenting myself to my new Master.  I can even say Master and mean it for the first time EVER!!  Thus far he seems to be a remarkable man that I am very lucky to have train me to be a magnifiscent slave.     Today was the day I discovered that I will have a learning curve.  As bad as it may feel to experiene this it is a very important time for us both.  My trust in him grows and I became more his than I was last night today.  I hope he realizes how much it means to me to effectively provide consequences that inspire me to do better.  It means even more when I feel dissapointed in myself that he consoles me and reminds me where I am in this process.   As for tasks I was loaded up with the rest of the rules.  Since it is no longer my body I am to consult Master on everything that comes into me and comes out of me.  I am to ask permission to change locations.  It was a task in and of itself to remember when and what was required of me.  I imagine many of the rules will become automatic in regards to remembering what and when.       A vivid memory in my day was starring down only inches away from a dirty bar floor while I squated on my vibrator and rode it.  I pulse just thinking how AMAZING it felt as is  slipped in and out while pushing against it.  It was a tugging caress at my opening.  Thank you Master :)  I look forward to my holes being well trained so that I may take more and more.

This is a secret don't tell anyone.  I really want to give in and give him what he wants to take.  I almost said I would be his tonight, but I just couldn't.  It is getting harder by the day to resist.  I only have to make it until Sunday.   Last night I was rewared with a shower afteer I had made myself so dirty.  I sat there looking down the front of me realizing what he said was true.  I must not be calling the shots because I wouldn't normally choose to wet myself a couple times and where the panties til they were cold and wet.  I peed in a cup no big deal right? I thought he was going to have me drink it but I poured it all down the front of me.  This was another choice I didn't feel like I had.    Throughout my day I tried to randomly think if he was behind me would I be ready to give any hole to him?  I was made aware that my mouth is a hole that needs to be clean and ready for his taking.     Additionally, I was given the added tasks to consult him before I put food into my body and not pee in the toilet.  I did well with both tasks.   I am very wellcoming to any preperation and tasks I am given to prepare me for my arrival.  At times I feel like I have bitten off more than I than chew.  I feel that way inside but I trust him.  His follow through and guidance have shown me how to become a slave and let go of being a woman or person.  I am still me but I am his puppet.  I am his cumdumpster.  I am his to make suffer or happy.     I invaded myself with a vibrator in my cunt and ass today.  He was inside me and I wanted to keep him there.  I started being trained in staying on edge and my holes being wellcoming to his spontaneous or/and intrusion.  The one thing that crossed my mind, when I was staying relentlessly on edge and as my bottom tried to close but couldn't, was who did this to me??  I asked myself if I had slid the dildo in and I honestly couldn't say I did.  He used me as his hands to be inside me in such a relentless manner.    Often times when I am faced with decisions I really don't make them for me.  He insists being an amazing slave is about doing this to meet my needs.   Enjoying the journey and the training.  Reval in the trust and sensations we share.    I am starting to feel the control slip away actually more like dissolve beneath my feet.  I picture a room with a sand floor. The grains of the foundation are me as a woman. I have to watch them blow away with each day.  Each time a few more grains fall.  I wonder if I should help them go away but he kindly reminds me to have paitence and enthusiasm in each day I wake up.  It feels so good inside and I look on smiling as he ties ropes to my, bondage, chains to keep me suspended in air.  This bondage will be strong enough to hold me over this black hole once I have nothing to stand on.      I really do believe he has my intrest at heart.  He really is similiar to me in so many ways.  The emotions and feelings he bestows upon me ignite my soul.   I so badly want him to fuck me, ,to drive his hard cock into my loins.  I want to feel him wipe himself off on my puckered opening after he cums.  He lies there and has a finger or too in my bottom with cum lubricating my entry.  His knuckle feels amazing as he probes me deeper.    This is the affection I need to be the slave I want to be.  He can train me.  Not that he can but he will, we wants to, and I am worth it.

I have found a new path of enlightenment in the form of a person.  I have learned so much in a short time that I feel like I can really grasp my dreams from this day forward.  I look forward to where it takes me.  I really feel like it is my turn that this may be it.    I was gifted tasks, training myself to be ready and taken and wetting my panties while on the phone.  At first I felt nervous with my hand down my pants in a mall trying to focus on the voice in my ear.  I felt people eyes but the right things were said and I had the confidence, trust, and will to please.  the second well it took 10 minutes the first time but it felt like it took lonoger.  I felt the warm liquid both time snake up and down my bottom and once my legs.  Putting my jeans back on while my panties were still wet was tollerable but I try to focus on writing this journal and being pleasing and receptive. I did both without cheating.  I didn't want to cheat myself.  I enjoyed todays tasks.

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